Star Mile
by Malmo722
Summary: Bella and Edward are two young college students that are just trying to make it through life while discovering who they are and what they want. They drift through love, loss, heartache and all the wonderful things that life throws there way.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is my first fan fiction hope y'all like it. The title comes from a song by Joshua Radin if you were wondering. This chapter could also work as a drinking game every time you read the word ditch take a drink.**

**These characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Not me. Tear.  
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BPOV

I was standing on the road with Rosalie watching Emmett and Jasper try to push the car out of the deepest ditch from Forks to Seattle. Rosalie was fuming; this was her car, her baby, a 1972 Firebird colour cherry red which was now sitting at the bottom of that ditch with no front bumper and a shattered windshield.

"Emmett stop trying to push the car out of the ditch I'm just going to call a tow." Rosalie whipped out her cell phone pushed one button and started rambling on to some person about our location.

Emmett and Jasper started stumbling up the hill abandoning the car, they were laughing like morons and punching each other in the arm singing a Guns N' Roses song.

I was pissed. The alcohol that I had early was still coursing through my veins but instead of making me warm, fun, happy Bella it had turned me into pissed, mad, angry, I wanna castrate my stupid dumb boyfriend Bella.

Emmett passed me and started pawing Rosalie who was still on the phone and she started swatting at him, when he wouldn't let up she punched him in the nose which started bleeding. He started stumbling all over the road until he tripped over a rock and fell back into the ditch and did not resurface.

Jasper started laughing and turned and ran to the edge of the ditch. "Emmett are you okay buddy? You fell into a fucking ditch dude." He started laughing again and I tried to remember what I saw in him, why dating him was a good idea. He turned back towards me and did this stupid swagger with his crotch jetted out at me.

"What are you doing?"I asked cocking my eyebrow giving him a seductive look. "Are you trying to seduce me?" I smiled with fake sexual enthusiasm.

He nodded lazily. "Is it working?" He slid his arms through mine sliding his hands down the small of my back and groping my ass. I slid my hands down his chest and lightly grazed my hand over his cock that instantly became hard and he made a quiet groaning noise in my ear.

"No it's not." I distanced myself from him and started smacking the shit out of him. "What the fuck were you thinking? You said you weren't drinking and now Rose's car is sitting at the bottom of a ditch with your fucking stupid friend." I was yelling at him pushing him toward the ditch. "You put all of our lives in danger and now I'm standing in the middle of a road in the middle of the night waiting for a fucking tow and the fucking police, no my fucking dad is going to come down here and ask me a whole bunch of questions and I'm not going to lie for you Jazz, not after what you did. If they send you to jail you can fucking rot you asshole."

He fell back into the ditch. "BELLA! BELLA!" he was yelling at me from the bottom of the ditch. I was glad he was in that ditch he had been fucking annoying me not just tonight but the last week we had spent in Forks.

I turned walked toward Rose regretting my choice of clothing, my suede midnight blue knee high boots were giving me blisters and my black skin tight mini dress I had on was not keeping me warm. I let down my long mahogany hair that flowed to the mid of my back and tried to wrap it around me to keep me warm. I was staring at Rose as I made my way over to her, her eyes connected with mine.

Rosalie looked like an angel on fire in the moonlight. She had just hung up the phone and her eyes were ablaze with anger. The moonlight was reflecting off the wet pavement illuminating her angelic face, her large electric ice blue eyes were narrowed, she had an angular nose and lips that had been compared to Angelina's and a body so enviable that woman would slaughter orphans in a church with a knife handed to them by Lucifer just to look half as good. She was wearing a black vintage baby doll dress and impossibly high black vinyl stilettos. A gust of wind whipped her hair around her face making her look dangerous and all of her goose bumps were visible on her pale skin in the moonlight. She followed me with her eyes until I stop beside her.

"I'm going to slaughter your boyfriend okay. You don't like him that much do you?" she half smiled and it lit up her face.

I shook my head. "Naw." I smiled and hugged her. "I'm sorry he is so fucking stupid." I ran my hands through my hair and turned when I noticed that the pavement was getting lighter.

"He's like the dumbest mother fucker who ever lived." Rose was having fun insulting Jaspers intelligence she turned with me and when she saw the headlights concern swept her face.

A silver Volvo was coming towards us but wasn't slowing down. I ran out in front of the car waving my arms around, screaming "STOP!" Rose didn't feel the need to do this and she just hung back started flashing her cell phone at the ditch looking for Emmett and Jasper.

The Volvo started to slow and came to a stop. I ran around the car to talk to the driver who was rolling down his window.

"Hey guys thanks for stopping, we're having some car trouble." I said smiling trying to sound as pleasant as possible until I looked into the dazzling green eyes of the bronzed haired driver and forgot why I stopped him in the first place.

EPOV

So I finally found out where they kept the hookers in this town. Jake and I were driving down a back road coming from Forks to Seattle. I was moving all my stuff from my parents' house to mine and Jake's dorm before school started next week and now I found myself stopped in the middle of the road in the middle of the night being propositioned by a whore.

"You're having car trouble huh?" I said very condescendingly looking over at Jake who for some reason was crying he was laughing so hard.

"Yeah that's what I just said." She said looking at me like I was a moron.

I looked her up and down. She was a hot hooker. I had seen hookers before and they were usually ugly or overweight or something but this one was sexy. The dress she was wearing hugged her curves perfectly and pushed her breasts up and out of her dress. She was tiny, no more than 5'4 and her heart shaped face had perfect features. Large chocolate brown eyes a button nose and lips that were slightly crooked but pouted perfectly and long brown hair that waved all the way down to her waist.

It was at this moment I decided I was going to pay for this girl because she looked like she was worth it. I took out my wallet.

"Ok so what do you charge cause you're going to have to do both of us." I was laughing, giggling actually; this was my first hooker and I was really excited now that I knew that it was going to happen. I looked at her face, she looked confused.

"Excuse me?" She was running her hand through her hair; she extended her neck to look behind her, which led my eyes to the forest fire blond standing on the side of the road pointing her cell phone at the ground.

"Is she with you?" I asked knowing Jake had a fantasy thing for blondes and I got even giddier knowing I could give him a blonde because I missed his birthday last month.

She turned her head again exposing the creamy white skin of her neck; I wanted to bite it. She turned back to me. "Uh yeah she's with me so if you are going to take me into town you're going to have to take her too we're kind of a packaged deal."

"Oh so you want to do it in town, do you have like a house there or something?" I was sweating. I did not want to go to a whore house. I saw True Romance, the last thing I wanted was Gary Oldman putting bullets in my knees, but I did want this girl and if she was going to cut me a deal so Jake could have her friend then I guess I was going to a whore house in Forks I never knew Forks had.

She still looked confused and with every comment I made the crease in her brow got more and more defined. She pouted her lips and started nodding. "Yeah, well actually it's my Dad's house but he's pretty cool about letting us crash there." She gave me a sweet half smile and looked over at Jake and gave him a tiny wave.

What the fuck, her dad? This was getting fucking weird and I had to ask. "Your dad will be involved?"

She nodded slowly and darted her eyes away from me quickly with the confused look still on her face, she looked back at me. "Yeah he would have to be given the circumstances, all the paper work that's going to be needed to be filled out." Her eyes widened and she blew out like she had just lifted something that was heavy. "But that really doesn't concern you that will happen after you're gone." She smiled again and all the confusion was gone from her face. "So how about it are you going to give us a ride into town?"

Fuck no, this sounded way too sketchy I did not want get to get mutilated but her daddy dearest the pimp.

I was about to say no but then her hair fell and it led my eyes away from her face to her neck to her breasts that looked amazing in that dress and when she took her hand and grabbed her hair to pull it back into a ponytail, her hand lightly grazed her skin and I could see all the goose bumps it left in its wake and I decided to chance it. I took my wallet out and pulled out seven hundred dollar bills and handed them to her.

She looked down at the money in her hand then back up at me, the confusion had returned.

"Oh is that not enough?" I asked. I was shaking my head, fuck me hookers are expensive but these girls were hot and looked clean so I pulled out three more bills and handed them to her.

"What the fuck are you handing me money for?" She now looked skeptical and it was mixing with the confusion, it made her face kind of squish up and she looked adorable and I wanted to kiss her all over.

I looked over at Jake and then back at her and I knew I looked confused now. "I'm paying you for your services."

She slightly turned her head to the side as if to hear me better, her eyes narrowed. "And what service would that be?"

I looked over at Jake who was shaking his head he leaned in and whispered, "Don't piss her off man it looks like this bitch will fucking shank you."

I looked at her again. "For you and the blonde to fuck me and my friend." My voice cracked slightly when I said the word friend, I was so fucking nervous and freaked out my ass was sweating. "You're a hooker right?" I asked swallowing the lump in my throat.

Her face fell, she looked appalled and offended and she tilted her head to one side and narrowed her eyes further and let out a sound of disbelief.

I could tell by her reaction that she wasn't.

BPOV

This ass clown thought I was a fucking hooker.

I had to walk away before I killed him, I gasped the money he had given me and turned walking toward Rose who was still searching the ditch with her cell phone. I let down my hair a shook it out.

"Rose you aren't going to fucking believe this." I looked behind me and saw that the driver and his passenger were getting out of the car.

She turned and looked at me and then looked past me to the car. "What happened?"

"These two fucking morons," I motioned behind me, "thought we were hookers." I held up the money. "Apparently we are only worth a thousand dollars."

Rose grabbed the money out of my hands and started counting it. "A thousand dollars is a lot of money." She paused and lobed her head side to side. "Maybe we should do it." I felt my mouth fall open and my eyes widen staring at her in astonishment. She shrugged her shoulders and looked past me again. "Why not? They aren't the bad looking especially the taller one, I've got a thing for them natives." She looked back at me tucking the money into her bra. "You can have the blonde."

"Rose are you crazy? We don't even know these people and your boyfriend is lying at the bottom of that ditch, he is lying right there." I was pointing at the ditch, my voice was high and I sounded slightly delirious.

She looked at me like I was a moron and shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. "You're not pleading your case very well." She straightened up and smiled.

"Excuse me!" The driver tapped me on the shoulder which scared the ever living out of me. I jumped slightly and turned to stand beside Rose facing the two men that were way taller than they looked in the car, the passenger had to be at least 6'7. "Can I have my money back?" he said with his hand stretched out.

"What money?" I asked lightly grabbing Rose's arm as she stepped forward to introduce herself to the giant. She slid her hand into his and gave him a mischievous smile. "Hi I'm Rosalie." He placed his other hand over hers and shook her hand with vigor. "I'm Jacob." He looked her up and down and raised his eyebrows. "What's up?" He licked his lips and Rosalie let out this giggle and lightly batted his chest. "Stop it."

I turned my attention to the driver with a look of disgust on my face. He had the same look on his stunning face.

My god why are all the assholes so gorgeous?

His green eyes were now intense and his hair was whirling all around the top of his head in the wind. His nose was in perfect symmetry with the rest of his face and he had glorious lips that he kept parting and bringing together like he was about to speak and he had bone structure that made me want to cry. He had faded ripped jeans on that fit him to a tee and tone, lean body that I caught an eyeful of when he raised his arm to tame his hair and his _T-Rex _shirt came up with it.

Why God why? Good looking and a love of seventies glam rock.

He was staring at me now, he looked irritated. "What money? The money I handed you like a minute ago."

"Oh that money." I nodded over exaggeratedly crossing my arms rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet. "You mean the money you gave me because you thought I was a hooker. Is that the money you're talking about?"

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in and looked at me, he spoke slowly pronouncing every word. "Yes, that would be the money I am referring to." He swept his hand out in front of him like he was laying something out for me.

I shrugged my shoulders. "I have no idea; it could be on my person or in the woods or in Seattle you know recirculating there's really no way of knowing." I shrugged my shoulders again looking over at Jacob and Rosalie; she appeared to be reading his palm. I closed my eyes and shook my head letting out a sigh.

I opened my eyes and he was staring at me with narrowed eyes, he looked like he was trying to figure something out. He brought his long, slender fingers up to his mouth and lightly rubbed his bottom lip. He took two steps towards me and stuck out his hand. "Let's start over. I'm Edward." He placed his other hand on his chest.

I stood there staring at his hand. I uncrossed one of my arms and shook his hand. "Bella." I closed my eyes and lobed my head from side to side. "Isabella actually but I go by Bella."

"Okay Bella, I'm sorry I thought you were a hooker. Your clothing is very provocative anyone could have made that mistake." He crossed his arms and shrugged his shoulders.

"Provocative?"

"Yeah provocative you know it's a nice, social acceptable word for slutty."

I dropped my arms and looked down at myself. This was not slutty. It was fashionable and made my body look great. How dare he say I looked slutty. Rosalie looked slutty, I did not look slutty. "This is outfit is not slutty." I said pointing at my dress.

A look of totally bewilderment came over his face. "Not slutty. I thought you were a hooker."

"Again my dress is not slutty." My arms went rigid beside me and I curled my hands into fists and stomped one of my feet, like I was seven.

"If Paris Hilton was in a store and saw that dress she would step back and say, 'No too slutty.'"

I heard both Rosalie and Jacob laugh. I looked at her slowly turning my head, eyes wide, my mouth open in disbelief, arms still rigid at my sides and stared her down. She jerked her head back slightly and her eyes got wide and I knew based on her face that if looks could kill she would be dead right now. "What? It was a burn." She shrugged her shoulders again and turned away from me and back to Jacob.

I looked back at Edward and pointed at Rosalie. "If you want your stupid money back it's in her breasts." I turned and started walking towards the ditch. I could hear Edward say, "What?" in confusion and then Jacob say, "Found it!" a couple of seconds later. I could hear Rosalie stringing curse words together and smacking Jacob and Jacob laughing at her attempt to hurt him.

"I'm gonna get Emmett and Jasper up and force them to get that car out of that ditch." I was talking to anybody that decided to listen to me. I stood at the edge of the ditch and screamed their names at the top of my lungs and when nothing happened I started picking up rocks and chucking them into the ditch. It was so dark I couldn't really see what I was aiming at and I either heard the soft thump of the rock hitting the earth, the sound of the rock dinging off the car or the sound of one of the idiots moaning in pain.

I could hear both Rosalie and Edward coming towards me rambling on about two different things and Jacob telling Edward that he had the money and that they should go.

"Stop throwing rocks at my fucking car dude!"

"Did you say Jasper? You're not talking about Jasper Roberts are you?"

I stopped in mid throw and turned to him, he had stopped walking and had his head turned to the side and was looking at me curiously.

"You know Jasper?" I asked as Rosalie came up to me taking the rock out of my hand. I started walking over to where Edward stood he was nodding. "Yeah we are old friends, from high school." He passed me and walked over to the ditch and pointed at it. "Is he down there?"

I nodded and watched as Rose passed him and met up with me lightly grabbing hold of my hand and arm. Jacob came up behind us, "This should be good Ed hasn't seen Jasper in almost a year." I turned to look at Jacob who was looking at Edward, he was smiling.

I looked back to Edward who had taken his cell phone out of his pocket and was scanning the ditch for any signs of life. He snapped his cell phone shut and put it in his pocket and started lowering himself into the ditch.

After three minutes I turned to Jacob, I was worried. Why hadn't they resurfaced? "Should we go and help him?" Jacob shook his head, "Naw, he'll be fine they're probably just talking." I nodded and Jacob turned and started to stroll towards the car. Rosalie let go of my arm and chased after him and said something about being cold and sitting in the car.

I walked towards the ditch and stood at the edge of it. I tried to force my eyes to adjust to the dark, I was squinting wishing I had my cell phone and quietly called out there names. "Edward? Jasper?"

"Bella can you get down into the ditch I need some help with Jazz." My eyes were getting used to the dark and I lowered myself to the ground and shimmied my way down to the bottom. I stood up and walked in the direction of Edward and Jasper's voices. I walked forward with my hands out in front of me until I bumped into Edward, I screamed.

He put his hands on my arms and tried to settle me. "Bella it's just me calm yourself, come over here and help me with Jazz."

He took my hand and guided me to where I need to be standing and then pulled at my hand so I would lower and ended up sitting on my haunches. I pulled away from Edward and felt for Jaspers hand which I grabbed. "Jazz you gotta stand up okay."

He sat up and he let go of my hand and then his face was illuminated by his phone. He looked at me. "Bella have you come to help Ed get me out of the ditch?" I maneuvered myself so that I could get Jasper's arm around my shoulder I looked up and could just make out Edward doing the same thing he looked at me and nodded.

I started to stand and Edward and I managed to get Jasper standing. "Yeah Jazz I came down here cause I felt bad that I pushed you in." We started walking up the ditch I was getting tired quickly, Jasper wasn't helping and I could hear Edward grunting. "You pushed him in the ditch?"

"Yeah he told me wasn't drinking and he was and that's why Rose's car is in the ditch." We finally got up to the top of the ditch and I separated myself from the two of them and watched them with my arms crossed and narrowed eyes.

Edward slowly removed his arm from around Jasper's shoulder and took a little step back and watched him cautiously as he steadied himself. Once Jasper had his footing he looked at Edward and gave him the first true smile I had ever seen of his face and hugged him fiercely. "Edward I can't believe it, it has been so long." They parted. "You look like shit dude."

Edward slapped Jasper's back and laughed, "Speak for yourself man, my God. Jasper Roberts." Jasper took a step back and touched his hands to his chest. "In the flesh man."

I rolled my eyes and scoffed. Jasper looked over at me and came towards me sliding his arm around my shoulder. Edward turned his body to face us. "Ed have you met Bella?"

He smirked and rubbed his face with his hand. "Yeah we've met. I actually thought she was a hooker." He started laughing and so did Jasper. Jasper wasn't just laughing he was guffawing and actually stepped away from me to go and high five Edward.

"She totally looks like one." Jasper doubled over.

I was not pleased.

EPOV

The look on her face was priceless. She was not pleased and walked past us to the car. For some reason I wanted to follow her but instead decided to stay with my friend that I hadn't seen in almost a year.

After we had gotten over our laughing fit I took a long look at his face. He looked awful. He reeked of alcohol and his cheeks looked hollow and his eyes sunken. It looked like he hadn't slept in weeks and he was far too thin. It scared me. I had never seen him like this before but he really wasn't the same after she left. "How you been Jazz?"

He ran his hand through his hair that looked thinned. "You know surviving."

"I meant what I said man, you look like shit."

"I said I was surviving." He turned away from me. "I'm trying dude, I'm trying." He paused. "How is she man?"

I swallowed hard. I didn't want to talk about her, she was the reason he was like this. "The last time I saw her she seemed well, I don't know I don't really talk to her."

He nodded.

We were quiet for a couple of minutes. Jasper used to be the one person I could say anything to and now I couldn't think of anything, nothing that would make it any better.

"Were you driving that car Jazz?" I was praying that he wasn't because I wasn't sure if I could get him out of this much trouble.

"Yes good sir I was." He turned to face me. "And yes I have been drinking." His eyes got wide and he had a look on his face like he was challenging me, like what was I going to do about it.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I don't know how I'm gonna get you out of this one."

"You've always gotten me out of everything. Charlie will show up and take pity on us just like he always does. Plus he's sweet on your mom so just mention her and his daughter's involved; there will barely be a problem." His hands were on his hips; his eyes were frenzied.

The wheels in my head stopped turning when he mentioned the words Charlie and daughter. Bella. Isabella Swan. The infamous Isabella Swan. The beloved daughter of our towns' beloved police chief Charlie Swan, the daughter no one ever saw because she never came to visit and when she did, she never left the house. "Your girlfriend is Chief Swan's daughter."

"Yeppers."

"Okay let's go to the car I think I can get you out of this." I motioned toward the car and started walking towards it with Jasper following the best he could. He was really drunk, the fact that everyone in that car walked away unharmed was starting to seem like a miracle.

I opened the back door to the car and Jasper shuffled in beside Bella. I opened the front door and climbed in. I looked at three expectant people and one really pissed off chick. I was nodding my head and formulating our way out of this with smallest amount of punishment. This was what I was good at; I was good at reading people, with the exception of the hooker fiasco, I was good with authority figures. I knew I could get us out of this.

The plan was simple. First me and Jake had to get Rosalie's boyfriend out of that ditch. Secondly I had to make sure everyone was ready lie to a cop. I thought Bella was going to be a problem, especially since the cop would be her dad but she agreed immediately. Next I had to tell everyone the story. Jake and I had made a quick appearance at the party that they were all at; this is where we met up. I realized that all four of them were intoxicated and I volunteered to drive Rosalie's car while Jacob took mine. Since we were all head for the University of Washington it only made sense to spread ourselves out for comfort reasons. While driving up this back road late at night, I will admit that yes I was going far too fast, a deer leapt out into the road causing me to swerve and enter the ditch. Jazz, Rosalie's boyfriend and I rode in the Firebird and Bella and Rosalie rode in the Volvo with Jake. Fourthly since Jazz and boyfriend had cuts and scrapes from the crash I was going to need Jake to punch me in the face so I had at least one wound, which Bella and Rosalie thought was stupid but I deemed necessary for the believability of the story. I was very dedicated to my craft.

Almost as if by fate the second me and Jake propped the boyfriend up against the Volvo, whose name I was told was Emmett, Chief Swan's cruiser pulled up beside us.

He stepped out of the car and did not look happy. He looked at me. "Edward, you can never seem stay out of trouble can you?"

"Apparently not sir." I couldn't move from Emmett's side or he would fall over.

"Where's my daughter." He was mad, the tone of his voice was sour and his face was hard and unflinching. I had never seen him this mad before and I was starting to doubt our plan.

"In the car sir."

He walked over and opened the door and looked down at Jasper's stupid drunken, sullen face. "Out of the car Roberts. Isabella, Rosalie in the cruiser."

Jasper stumbled out and stood beside Emmett. Bella got out next and cocked an eyebrow at her dad. "Took you long enough."

"Get in the car Isabella." He pointed at the cruiser, she sauntered towards it Rosalie catching up quickly and grabbing her hand.

Bella let Rosalie slip in first and before she got in the car she looked at me and whispered, "Good luck." She shut the door and rested her head against the seat.

Just then the tow pulled up.

Charlie walked over to the tow truck driver and told him were the car was and to tow it to the police station. He then walked over to us he planted his feet firmly on the ground, crossed his arms and asked, "What's the story Cullen?"

I told him the story I concocted, it seemed believable and everyone was ready to lie to save Jasper. The farther and farther I got into the story the more and more I believed it. There was no way he wasn't going to believe it.

After I had finished Charlie was silent for a long time. "So no one was hurt?"

"Not badly, these two are just drunk."

"Do you think you can drive Roberts and Black home?"

"Yes sir."

He nodded and watched as the tow drove away with Rosalie's mutilated Firebird.

"Alright put Emmett in the cruiser, but this is the last time I save your ass, you understand that Cullen." He started moving toward the cruiser.

"Yes sir, thank you." I was thankful this was not the first time Charlie bent the law for me, he could lose his job for this.

Jake got out of the car and helped me help Emmett into the cruiser. Jasper did the smart thing and got into the Volvo without being told.

"Say hello to your mother for me." He looked at me and nodded then he got into the cruiser and drove away.

I stood in the middle of the road for a minute more than I should have. I was thinking about Charlie's fascination with my mother and if anything had happened there. I was brought back to reality when Jake called out for me.

I got into the car and started it turning around and heading for Forks thinking about the strange night I had just had a mysterious girl named Isabella Swan.

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**So that's the first chapter. Reviews would be heavenly.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay so I wanna start off and apologize about the grammar hopefully by chapter three I will qualify for the beta reader and it won't read like it was edited by a second grader. It's a little long but all this stuff needed to happen in this chapter so I hope you enjoy it.**

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****EPOV **

My eyes stung when I opened them the next morning. I knew it was early and I knew that I didn't want to get up but Jake was snoring; it sounded like a train was barreling through the room so I sat up and cursed the sunlight.

It was sunny. It was never sunny in Forks and on the one day I was going to be grumpy and tired the skies decided to open up and bless this sunless town with sun.

I went to my bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. My nose was swollen and bruises had started to form under my eyes. I touched it lightly and scrunched my face together which hurt like a mother fucker and I tried to remember why I thought this was a good idea.

My mom was going to be utterly disappointed in me.

I quietly tiptoed downstairs and into the kitchen where my mother Esme was cooking breakfast. It looked like she was making bacon, eggs, potatoes, pancakes and toast and it looked like there was enough to feed twelve. I sat down on a stool around the island in our immaculately clean, white kitchen that looked cleaner and whiter with all the light that was coming through our floor to ceiling windows and said, "You got enough food there Ma?"

"I heard Jacob snoring upstairs. I wanted there to be enough so that we could eat too." She didn't turn to face me but I could tell she was smiling; she continued to flip the pancakes and scramble the eggs. I watched her, laughing at the joke she made about my disgusting friend.

My mother was a beautiful, elegant woman or as Jake and Jasper so lovingly put it a MILF. She had old Hollywood features and long bronze hair, the same color as mine. She was slender and in perfect health, she didn't look forty and was envied by ever woman in Forks.

"Where's Dad?" I asked taking a grape off the stem and popping it into my mouth.

"He's at the hospital." The way she said this left a bad taste in my mouth, I knew my parents were having problems lately and it was starting to concern me. They weren't trying to hide it from me now and their distaste and annoyance for one another was coming out in every word they said about each other.

My dad, Carlisle, was a doctor at Forks General Hospital; he was the most respected doctor on staff and was constantly being called in leaving my mother here, in our massive clean house all alone. This wasn't making anything between my parents any better and instead of working things out my mom was constantly remodeling the house and dad was burying himself in his work.

A divorce was imminent unless they both started trying to make it work, that was if they wanted it to work. I suspected that the both of them were having affairs. Maybe that's why Charlie was always so worried about my mom.

She interrupted my train of thought. "Charlie Swan called this morning."

I closed my eyes and sighed out in frustration. That bastard. I'd rather be in jail then have to deal with the disappointed look that was going to be on my mother's face in about ten seconds. She turned and looked at me and there it was that fucking look. I'd rather her be mad at me but it wasn't in my mother's nature to get mad it was in my mother's nature to make you feel as guilty as shit.

She came over to me and cupped my face in her hands. She moved it from side to side examining the area. Her eyes were so sad and full of disappointment that I wanted Jake to punch me in the face again for being such an asshole. "Edward look at your face."

"I can't see my own face." I was trying to pull away from her; she kept lightly pushing the bridge of my nose.

She rolled her eyes at my comment. "Does it hurt? Is it broken?"

"When you poke it like that, yeah, and no it's not broken." She let go of my face looking defeated by my attitude and walked back to the stove. She took a plate and started putting food on it. She placed the plate in front of me along with cutlery and syrup and poured me a glass of orange juice and sat across from me loading her own plate with food.

"Have your father look at it when he gets home." She started poking at her food putting small pieces in her mouth.

"Naw me and Jake will be gone by then." I poured syrup all over my food; I loved the taste of sweet on things that shouldn't be sweet.

I looked up from my food and saw that she was trying to hold back tears and I felt awful; I was about to leave her alone in this enormous house with a husband that was never there. She swallowed hard and looked away from me.

"Mom." I said sympathetically reaching across the island grabbing her hand. "If I didn't get in the accident I'd be in Seattle already."

"I know I'm just going to miss you so much." She got up and came around the island and hugged me. I couldn't force myself to be witty or an asshole I just hugged her back hoping that this loving, comforting gesture could be the last thing I could do for my mom before I left.

After she let go she went back to her breakfast and we sat in silence until we had both finished eating. She stood and grabbing both of our plates and cleaned them vigorously before putting them in the dishwasher. She poured two cups of coffee into white, clean china and placed one in front of me. I put some cream and three cubes of sugar in the coffee and stirred robotically.

I looked up. "You know who I met last night?" She shook her head and looked interested so I continued. "Isabella Swan."

Her head jerked. She looked shocked. "Charlie's daughter?"

I nodded and took another sip of my coffee.

She folded her hands in front of her and leaned closer to me. "What's she like?" She sounded curious.

I took a couple of seconds before I answered; I wanted to pick the most appropriate word to describe her. "She interesting." And that was it; that was the word I came up with; interesting. It seemed to please my mother and she nodded, satisfied.

"I smell the most delicious food that has ever been food." Jacob came shuffling in and sat down not even bothering to take a new plate, he just pulled the platter with the pancakes on it in front of him and covered it with scrambled eggs and syrup and started eating like there was a fire.

My mom and I watched him as he put inhuman amounts of food in his mouth; he downed five pancakes in a minute. He looked up at my mom. "I love you Mrs. Cullen." He spat food out all over the island.

"You're disgusting dude." I got up and put my cup in the dishwasher.

"Could you please wash your cup before you put it in the dishwasher?" My mother had a napkin in her hand and was kneading it, looking at the cup that was half in the dishwasher and half in my hand, she looked distraught. I was going to make a comment about washing something before you put it in a machine that is going to wash it more but I just huffed and took it out of the dishwasher, washed it and then put it back in. I leaned against the counter.

"Alice is coming home this weekend." She had visibly calmed, she seemed happier talking about her baby girl.

"Fuck a doodle-do." I said sharply crossing my arms looking away from her.

"Edward!" Her mouth opened in shock and Jacob choked on his food, he had moved on to the potatoes and bacon.

"What? I'm an adult I can swear if I want to and you know of my distaste for Alice." I moved around the kitchen looking for something to do with my hands but everything was in its exact place and nothing was out of order so I ended up just circling the island a couple of times.

"Edward you should really end all this foolishness. She's your sister, you can't blame her for what happened forever." She looked at me with understanding and under lying anger. I knew all she wanted was for her babies to get along but I just couldn't deal with Alice especially after seeing Jasper last night.

"Actually I can and I will." I looked at her with an eyebrow raised, I was so smug. No I was an asshole. Her brow furrowed, she was hurt by my comment and I sighed and walked towards her. "I'm gonna go and sweep the house one more time before we go." I walked over and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you for breakfast mom."

She raised her hand that felt like paper and put it on the other side of my face giving me a kiss on the cheek keeping me there until I started to pull away. "You're welcome sweetie."

I ran up the stairs. "Hurry Jake I wanna be out of here before eleven." I shouted from the top of the landing. He responded with a series of incoherent mumbles.

I walked into my room and looked around. I knew that I had everything that I was going to need while I was at school so I went over to my bed and laid down I turned over and pushed play on my iPod that was sitting in its loading dock. _All the Young Dudes_ by Mott the Hoople started to play.

I got dressed and cleaned up Jacob's make shift bed on my floor. I started straightening the things in my room letting my mind wander to the night before.

It was awesome getting to see Jasper again after so long. He seemed so different since the last time I saw him but still exactly the same. He seemed excited to see me which was a huge change since the last time we spoke and it was nice to talk to someone that I shared so much of my past with.

I wanted to see him again. I wanted to reminisce about old times. I want to laugh about all the shenanigans we got into when we were in high school. I wanted to see the light back in his eyes; I wanted to see the Jasper I grew up with back in the Jasper he was now.

I decided to call him. I wanted to take him back to Seattle with me and Jake.

I dialed his home number and let it ring until the machine picked up. I didn't leave a message and instead called his cell phone. When he didn't pick up his cell either I tried to think of where he'd be.

Bella Swan's face flashed in my mind. It would make sense for him to be there especially since he was probably going back with her. I scrolled through previous callers until I found _Swan, C_ and pushed talk.

I became aware of the music again, Gary Newman's _Cars _was playing and it was mixing with the sound of the ringing creating a new beat that I tapped my toe to.

After it rang twelve times someone finally picked up. She sounded groggy and irritated when she answered the phone and I thought of Marla Singer in _Fight Club_. "Hello."

I straightened up and stumbled over my words. "Uh, yeah, hi, uh, is Bella there?"

"This is she." She coughed. She must have turned away from the phone because it sounded far away.

"Hey it's Edward." That was all I could think of to say, I felt like an idiot that my normally stellar conversational skills were failing me so badly.

"Who?" Her voice was coarse. She was telling Rosalie to get up, again she sounded far away.

"Edward Cullen you met me last night?" I was starting to sweat. What was it about this girl that made me sweat?

She laughed, just a short, sweet, cynical burst of laughter. "Oh yeah Mr. Hooker Man." It sounded like she was stretching. "What's up?"

"I was just wondering if Jasper was there with you." I wiped my brow.

"Not as far as I know." She was yelling at Rosalie telling her that she would cut her if she didn't get up. "Why?"

"I just wanted to ask him if he wanted a ride back to Seattle with me." I was starting to relax she was getting easier to talk to even though I knew I woke her up and she probably wasn't all that pleased with me.

"Well when he inevitably shows up I'll tell him you called." She started swearing and saying ow.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah I just stubbed my fucking toe that's all." I could hear a loud thumping; she must have been hopping on one foot.

"Oh, okay, well thanks for passing this message onto Jazz when you inevitably see him." I was at ease; I had stopped sweating and the conversation finally felt natural.

"Yeah no problem and Edward." She sounded expectant.

"Yeah."

"This is strike number two. There are only two reasonable excuses for waking me up, natural disasters and death. Your call dealt with neither of those things." She sounded like she was smiling, like she was taking pleasure in this threatless threat. "You're on thin ice Cullen." She chuckled and then hung up the phone.

I pushed the end button and stared at my floor. I was sweating again.

**BPOV**

Edward fucking Cullen waking me up at ten o'clock in the morning, no more than ten hours ago my life was Edward Cullen free and now he seemed to infiltrating it.

I turned my head to look at a sleeping Rosalie. "Get your fat ass out of bed." I smacked her thigh through the blanket.

"My ass is not fat." She hissed through her teeth.

"Well if you keep lying in bed it's going to get fat." I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek and pushed myself off of my bed and out of my room that had been the exact same since the day I was born.

I heard a muffled "Fuck you" as I walked down the hall and down the stairs to my small, comfy, tan colored kitchen. I could smell coffee and I thanked God for blessing Charlie with ability to make the perfect cup of coffee. It was really quite remarkable considering he couldn't cook for shit.

I took out my favorite mug; it was shaped like Elton John circa 1974, and filled it to the brim putting two sugars in it. I walked over to our small kitchen table and settled in to read the paper Charlie left on the table. I took out the arts and entertainment section and read about _How God Saved Mickey Rourke._

About a half hour later I heard the door slam shut and I sat up, threw the paper on the table and put my hair up in a messy bun. Charlie came into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. "Good morning Bella."

"Morning papa bear." I smiled smugly at him. He turned and accessed me. I hadn't looked in a mirror today but I could tell by his reaction that the prognosis wasn't good.

"That's an interesting look you got going there Bells. What are the kids calling that?" He sat down in the chair opposite mine.

"Hung over." I raised my eyebrows and smiled more. It had to be my face because my usual shorts and tank top pajamas were nothing new.

I was happy with Charlie. It was tense for awhile when I first started making an effort to come and see him but after a huge argument that ended with me being a sarcastic, cynical bitch and him being a miserable old man we seemed to be getting along swimmingly, with the exception of my snide remark last night.

"Where's Rosalie?" he asked pulling the rest of the paper that I had discarded towards him.

"Does Rosalie ever rise before the sun sets?" I drank the last bit of my coffee and went up to the stove and poured myself another cup.

"Well she better get up soon I gotta be back here by four thirty I'm going to LaPush to watch the game with Billy."

I sat back down. "Billy is Jacob's dad right?" I was slowly putting it all together. I could remember Billy but drew a complete blank when it came to Jacob.

Charlie smiled and rubbed his chin with his hand, sipping his coffee. "Right you met him last night. You don't remember playing with him when you were a kid huh?"

"Nope." For some reason I felt embarrassed that I couldn't remember Jacob, it felt like something I should have remembered.

"And you met Edward Cullen last night too."

"Yeah fucker woke me up this morning, calling here looking for Jasper." I drank more of my coffee and realized I was starving; I stood and opened the fridge looking at it hoping a prepared meal would magically appear.

"What did you think of him?" He angled his body so he could see me better, he looked genuinely curious.

"Why you got a crush on him?" I couldn't wipe that stupid smug smile off my face and I raised my eyebrow.

"No. He's got one of the biggest criminal records out of everyone who has ever lived in Forks, well besides Roberts, I just wanna know if you're interested in him; if I'm gonna call him son-in-law one day." He looked smug, he knew I didn't like discussing romantic things and he purposely did it to piss me off.

"Dad I'm met him once and he thought I was a hooker I would hardly say that's a love connection, plus I'm dating Jasper so I'm not really looking for another boyfriend." I took out the milk and got some Cheerios out of the cupboard.

"I'm just curious Bells you have a thing for the bad boys. Isn't your high school boyfriend in prison?" I placed a bowl full of cereal in front of him and sliced some bananas on top. I grabbed my bowl and sat down slicing the rest of the banana. "Yeah, he's in there for life. He was originally in the pen for drug possession and then he stabbed his cell mate to death." I widened my eyes and put a 'whoops' face on, shrugging my shoulders.

Charlie shook his head. "You sure know how to pick them Bells."

"That's what I want it to say on my gravestone." I smiled. He didn't. He looked confused and I wondered why I said the things that I said, it was like I couldn't control it sometimes. "I thought Edward was-" I paused looking for the right word to describe him. "Interesting."

We were silent for a little while until we heard the shower start upstairs. "Rosalie's up." Charlie stood and put his bowl in the sink he turned to face me and crossed his arms.

I looked at him and smiled and then realized I hadn't heard Emmett snoring all morning. "Where's Emmett?"

Charlie smirked. "He's cleaning the side of the house."

"Dad." I was trying not to smile; I was trying to sound disapproving. It wasn't working.

"What? That kid has just spent a week in my house eating my food and sitting on my sofa so I woke him up at eight-thirty and kicked him outside. That's the price you pay when you stay here." He looked proud of himself.

"You never make me or Rosalie do any house work." I pushed my bowl away from me laughing just the tiniest bit.

"Well I like you and Rosalie." He walked towards me and kissed the top of my head. "I'm glad you were home Bells." He walked out of the kitchen and into the living room.

I smiled feeling satisfied with our relationship. I got up and cleaned mine and his bowl. I sat back down at the table and the doorbell rang.

"Bella!" yelled Charlie

"Got it." I stood up and ran to the door. Jasper was standing on the other side looking a little worse for wear in faded jeans, and Iggy Pop t-shirt and a beat up leather jacket; he tried to smile and gave me a hug. He took my face in his hands and kissed me tenderly, taking my bottom lip in his mouth sucking on it lightly, breathing in deeply like he was trying to savor the moment. He broke away and smiled again, not a genuine smile like the one I saw with Edward last night but better than the one I got when I answered the door.

"You've got make up all over your face." He took his thumb and tried to wipe it off. It wasn't coming off the way he would have hoped and he began to look frustrated.

I put my hands over his and stopped him. "Don't worry about it I'll get it later." I smiled trying to read his face for what he was feeling.

"Yeah you're going to need some soap to get that off." He smiled again. He was getting better at it and I wanted to know the reason he couldn't smile genuinely, I wanted to know what happened to make the light leave his eyes. He kissed me one last time as passionately and as tenderly as the pervious kiss and brushed a strand of hair that had fallen in front of my eyes behind my ear. "You look beautiful today."

I couldn't help but smile. This is why I was with him. These tiny moments when it was just me and him and the world slowly melted away. The urge I had felt to rip him a new asshole for last night was gone and it was replaced by a feeling that wasn't really love but it was close.

He stepped away from me and I turned to lead him into the kitchen but I was stopped when I saw Charlie standing in front of the stairs. He had a hard, unamused look on his face that I found slightly comical and I had to bite my tongue to hold in my laugh. I looked over at Jasper who had a look on his face that Charlie was looking for. Jasper took a step forward to shake Charlie's hand. "Hey Chief Swan, what's up?"

The shower upstairs stopped.

Charlie slowly looked down at Jasper's hand and then slowly back up at his face. Charlie's face never flinched and he turned away from him and walked back into the living room. Jasper retracted his hand and looked at me. "Okay." He said slowly sounding a little weirded out.

I laughed. I couldn't help it; I thought it was funny that Jasper wanted to be liked by Charlie. We walked into the kitchen and he sat down I asked him if he wanted anything to eat or drink. He wanted water.

"Did you know that Emmett is outside cleaning your house?" His tone suggested that he thought it was crazy that Emmett was doing this.

I placed the bottle of water in front of him and laughed. "Yeah it's Charlie's way of making him pay for his stay this week." I sat down in the chair closest to his. He laughed but it was weak and forced.

"So when are we leaving?" his voice perked up, the idea of leaving Forks was and appealing thought.

"Oh." I sat up and grabbed his hand and pulled it to my chest, I started playing with his fingers. "Edward Cullen called here looking for you; he wants you to go back with him."

I saw something flash behind his eyes, it looked like anger. Or maybe it was fear. Whatever it was it made him recoil pulling his hand out of mine. "I think I should just go back with you."

"Why isn't he an old friend? It might be fun to catch up." I couldn't understand his reluctance; he looked happy to see him last night. I wanted to pry and push, I wanted to know what happened; why he didn't want to see his friend and why being in Forks forced him to drink more than usual. But I wouldn't ask because I knew he wouldn't tell; he would close up and shut down and would be a complete write off for the next week. I sighed out. "Okay you'll come back with us."

"Thank you." He leaned over and gave me a quick peck and then leaned back into his chair looking around the kitchen. "Do you have any coffee?"

I was slightly put off by his random question. I nodded and got up and poured him a cup. I put it in front of him. He took a flask out of his jacket and poured some into the mug.

"Is that bourbon? It's like eleven in the morning." I spat out at him.

"Bells calm down it's just a little bit of Jack to warm me up." He looked at me like I was crazy to be concerned.

I stared at him sipping his coffee. "Jazz I think you have a drinking problem." I looked at him dead on. I knew I looked severe, I knew that my eyebrow had raised involuntarily.

He looked shocked that I was being to blunt with him. "Bells seriously you worry way too much everything is under control."

I watched him. His brow furrowed causing the cut on his head from the night before to crinkle together; he immediately relaxed all the muscles in his face and brought his hand up to the cut. I was going to fight him but I knew it was no use. I relaxed my face and gave up. "Fine, if you say it isn't a problem then I guess it's not a problem."

The doorbell rang and we both looked towards the door.

"Bella!"

God Charlie was lazy. "Yeah, yeah I got it." I stood and ran my hand through Jasper's greasy blonde hair before I made my way to the door.

I opened it and saw the last person I expected to see standing on the other side. Edward Cullen looked different in the daylight. He looked better even though he had a massive bruise around his eyes and nose from when Jacob punched him last night which I still thought was a fucking stupid idea. He was still gorgeous and tall and sporting a David Bowie t-shirt today. He looked as nervous as fuck.

"Hey." He paused and pointed at me. "You've got make-up on your face." He cringed slightly, I figured it was because he thought what he had just said made him look like an idiot and it did.

"Yep." I paused watching him rock back and forth on his heels with his hands in his pockets. "Is that what you came here to tell me?"

"No. Um is Jasper here? Did he show up?" he looked really excited. He kept smiling this little smile and then he would frown, he did it like seven times in about ten seconds.

I grinned. "Yeah." I turned towards the kitchen. "Hey Jazz, Edward's here."

Jasper came out of the kitchen and smiled again, the same smile as the night before. It confused me; for someone that didn't want to see Edward he seemed really fucking excited that he was here. "Hey man."

They hugged. "Hey Jazzy Jazz, what's up man?" Edward looked at Jasper quickly registering his face, looking at him in the light. "Did Bella tell you I called?"

"Yeah she did." Jasper looked uncomfortable. I knew he didn't want to tell Edward that he didn't want to go with him.

Edward stepped back. "So do you wanna come with me?"

Jasper looked at me with his face set in discomfort. I smiled back with encouragement and nodded. The look of discomfort had turned to a pained look and his eyes started to dart around the foyer like he was looking for a way out. He wouldn't make eye contact with Edward. "Uh I don't know man."

Edward stepped forward closing the space between them he placed his hands on Jasper's shoulders and moved his head around so he could meet Jasper's eye line. Edward looked hopeful but sad; whatever had happened to Jasper to make him this way had involved Edward and I told myself that I would ask him when I got the chance. "Come on buddy, we'll catch up, reminisce about the old days, it'll be fun." Jasper's eyes locked with Edward's and sadness flickered behind them. Jasper closed his eyes in defeat and nodded his head. Edward hugged him. "It's gonna be awesome dude."

I was smiling, I was happy that he was going. He turned to me. "You're sure it's cool if I go back with him?" His eyes were moving back and forth like he was reading my face, I wasn't quite sure I knew what he wanted it to say. "No Jazz actually I think you dodged a bullet here cause you were gonna sit shotgun with Charlie. So go have fun you know," I trailed off trying to think of the appropriate words "Be a boy with the boys." I cringed at my comment because it had to have sounded as stupid out loud as it did in my head.

He smiled a fake smile and quickly slid his arm around my waist and pulled me in kissing me furiously. His tongue darted in and out of my mouth and he bit my lips which caused them to bleed. The kiss was passionless and empty and it left a taste worse than blood in my mouth. He turned and ran out the door in front of Edward, I watched him props Jacob who was sitting in the back sit and he jumped in the front.

Edward started to walk out the door and he gave me a quick wave. "See you later Bella." He flashed me a smile that stunned me. It was so natural and beautiful I had to wonder why he didn't do it all the time.

"See you later Ed." He turned and ran toward the car and drove off.

I saw a shirtless, sweaty, dirty Emmett walking up the steps so I held the door open for him before I closed it. I looked at him. "You smell like a gym bag; please have a shower before we leave or you're walking."

He grinned like an idiot and started up the stairs passing a perfect Rosalie. He went to kiss her and she put her hands up to block him. "Please do not touch me when I am like this," she pointed at herself "And you are like that." She pointed at him and quickly ran down the stairs towards me. Emmett took the stairs two at a time and seconds later the shower started.

Rosalie looked at me. "Please tell me there's coffee." The way she said it, it sounded like her life depended on this coffee.

"It's in the kitchen. On the stove." I pointed toward the kitchen. She smiled a wide glorious smile at me and then her brow furrowed and she looked my face up and down. "You've got make-up on your face." She walked into the kitchen and took out a mug and poured herself a cup. I could she her from where I was standing and she sipped it like it was the nectar of life.

I went upstairs and organized my things; it wasn't difficult considering I had all these things packed the night before. I jumped into the shower shortly after Emmett was finished with it. I washed the make-up off my face and washed my hair with my favorite shampoo that smelt like strawberries and thought about Jasper. I hoped that he was enjoying himself, that he was having a good time and that he was smiling genuinely even if it wasn't for me. I got out of the shower and quickly blow dried my hair so that it was damp as opposed to dripping wet. I got dressed and fifteen minutes later we were on the road.

I sat up front with Charlie while Rosalie and Emmett slept in the back. We said nothing to each other as he drove. I looked out the window at the green, lush landscape that zoomed by and Charlie sang along to the Billy Joel tape he put in at the beginning of the trip much to Rosalie and Emmett's dismay and secretly much to my liking.

We got to Emmett's place at three-thirty and dropped of all of his and Jasper's stuff and then drove the three and a half blocks to mine and Rosalie's apartment. Charlie was pissed because he knew he was going to miss the first half of the game but he still helped me and Rose take all of our junk upstairs and I was pleased to see that everything had been moved in with the exception of a few boxes with my name on them and I thanked God for Rose's disgustingly rich parents who had hired movers and interior decorators.

I walked Charlie back down to the cruiser and gave him a quick hug. "Thanks Dad you know for everything."

His smile was warm and caring. "No problem Bells, I'll have Rosalie's car brought up when it's ready."

I smiled at him one last time and ran towards the front door. "Hey Bella!" I stopped and turned and gave him a confused look. "Slow down you crazy child." We both smiled and I turned and sauntered to the door looking at him and waving before I went inside.

I went up to the fifth floor and walked into apartment 506. I got a Pepsi from the fridge and settled into the new sofa in my very first apartment.

**EPOV**

The ride to Seattle was exactly what I'd hoped it would be. Jasper was laughing; we were making him laugh. It was real too. None of this forced, phony smiling laughing bullshit that he paraded around in front of Bella, it was real and genuine and comforting just like the way it used to be. We told Jake about all the pranks we pulled in high school. Like the time we painted a pot leaf on the water tower. Jasper said we were inspired after watching an episode of _That 70's Show._ Or the time we filled our principals car with water which I said took a lot of preparation and research and thought we should have received some sort of extra credit for pulling it off. Or the time that I 'accidentally' tripped Jazz and he fell into the fire alarm setting it off when the senior girls were changing after gym class.

"So there we were, what were we juniors or sophomores?" said Jasper, he was talking with his hands flailing them all over the car.

"We were sophomores." I checked my blind spot and drifted into the exit lane that brought us to Seattle.

"Yeah these two sophomore punks, that have just become living legends mind you, standing out side with the rest of male population of Forks High looking at the senior girls gym class standing around in their underwear or wrapped in towels." He was laughing again putting his arm over his stomach doubling over in laughter using his other hand to high five Jake.

"I so wish I was there for that." Jake was shaking his head grinning like an idiot.

I looked in the rearview mirror at him. "Oh we have pictures."

"I must see them."

"Or the time we drove around town and stole everyone's mailboxes and then but them on Chief Swan's front yard. Three hundred and fifty mailboxes, he was so mad." Jasper was crying he was laughing so hard.

"That was you?" Jake looked shocked and then started laughing. "Charlie came over and rambled on about those fucking mailboxes for like four hours when that happened. He still goes on about mailboxes." Jake leaned back into the seat and shook his head. "How did you do all this and not get caught?"

"Oh we did. Actually the mailbox stunt was the only they never pinned on us. The police were involved in almost ever prank or stunt or whatever you want to call it that we pulled, Jazz and I have a longest criminal records in Forks history." I said rather smugly. I was proud of my criminal past because in my eyes it wasn't a bad thing it was a well kept history of the funny shit I did when I was in high school. "But Charlie's pretty cool he let us get away with a lot of shit."

"Yeah he did, cause he's fucking your mom." Jasper laughed again and gave Jake a high five.

"Fuck you." I didn't like it when they talked about my mom. I was a momma's boy to my core and even though I could be a complete cunt to her sometimes I would fucking rain sulfur on anyone who did anything to hurt her.

"Completely changing the topic are you dating anyone man?" Jazz seemed interested. I looked over at him, the light was back in his eyes and the Jasper I grew up with was emerging through the Jasper he was now.

"Why you interested?" He got a mischievous look in his eyes and leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. "You know it baby." He sat forward again and laughed and I rolled my eyes.

"Well I dated all the chicks worth dating in Forks in high school so I've pretty much just been kicking it on my own as of late. I go up to Port Angeles every now and then, meet a girl and you know release some tension." I smirked trying to merge with all this fucking traffic; it was a fucking Tuesday what were all these people doing here? Fucking go home. "I'm hoping to meet someone in Seattle when I'm at school."

"Yeah there's some pretty hot chicks at U of W it shouldn't take you long to find one." He looked encouraging, there was color back in his face he was starting to look human again.

"Yeah I'm hoping. You found someone; Bella seems nice." I was fucking distracted and missed the street I was supposed to turn on.

"Yeah she's great." He paused. But she wasn't Alice. "She's smart and funny and swears like a sailor and drinks like one too." But she wasn't Alice. "Fuck she out drank Emmett once."

"Emmett? The huge guy dating the blonde?" I asked rather shocked, there was no way a girl that size out drank a man that big.

"Yeah it was like that scene from Raiders with the chick that Indy's banging. Man you should have seen it she was amazing." But she wasn't as a amazing as Alice. "And she fucks like a rabbit in heat man." But she doesn't fuck like Alice. "I mean like she's quite so we can fuck anywhere like behind the place she works at, behind the record store I work at, janitor's closets, empty classrooms, in the library I mean anywhere." He laughed and rubbed his stubbly face. "I mean she is fucking crazy man." But not as crazy as Alice. "In April we took a bus down to San Diego cause Bells managed to get tickets to see Elton John and we positively had to go and while on the bus, full of fucking people by the way, she grabs my hand and she takes me into the bathroom and we fuck twice, her straddling me while I'm sitting and then I took her from behind. So we exit the bathroom like an hour after we went in and everyone knows what we've done and then we sit down I figure that's it we'll go to sleep or chill or something but no, no." He was wagging his fingers from side to side. "She fucking starts sucking me off, on the god damn bus, in the middle of the day. Thank God we were sitting in the back so no one could really see what we were doing but I don't think it mattered much to her anyway." He blew out and his eyes got wide and he ran his hand through his blonde hair. "I had no bodily fluids left when I got off that bus I shit you not."

Jake let out a 'holy shit' laugh and said, "Holy shit."

"Yeah man that's pretty fucking intense." I was kind of uncomfortable and it came out in the tone of my voice. Jasper shot me a side glance but didn't say anything he just kept talking about all the sex him and Bella were having. Jake listened, he was interested. Jake talked a big game but when it came down to it he had no luck with the ladies. His interest occupied Jasper and allowed me time to let my mind wander.

Why was I so uncomfortable hearing Jasper talk about his sex life? Was it because I had never heard him talk about it before? He had always avoided the topic because the girl he was giving it to was my sister but it wasn't something that every really bothered me. I knew my sister had to have sex one day and if it had to be with anybody I was glad it was with him. Maybe that's not what was making me feel uncomfortable, maybe it was Bella. Why would that make me feel uncomfortable? Was it because less than a day ago I was willing to pay for her to do those things to me? Or was it because I didn't know this girl all that well and I felt uncomfortable knowing these intimate details about her life. Yes that was it. That had to be it. What else would it be?

I was brought back to reality when I heard Jasper yelling at me. "Hey NASCAR, green light."

I hit the gas and turned the corner onto Jazz's street. "Sorry guys I was miles away."

"That's alright man." Jake grabbed my shoulder and shook me a little and then leaned back into his seat and looked back at Jasper. "Jasper man Bella sounds fucking awesome. I gotta find a girl like her." He rolled his eyes and looked out the window with a stupid dreamy grin on his face.

Jasper turned his body to look at him. "Yeah well if you fucking touch her I'll take your goddamn head off." The mood in the car shifted. There wasn't even a whisper of a joke in the tone of his voice and my heart started to race.

Jake was nervous and tripped over his words when he spoke. "Um, uh sorry man, I, uh, you know didn't mean I want to, uh, to date you know Bella just someone, you know, uh, like her." I pulled up in front of the building he told me was his.

"Yeah whatever." He got out of the car before I stopped it. His mood had changed so suddenly. There was no light in his eyes and the color had drained from his face.

I got out of the car and shouted at him. "Hey Jazz." He stopped but didn't turn. "I don't know what happened in the car just now but you're not going to scare me off if that's what you are trying to do. I know it's difficult when you look at me because you see her but what happened is not my fault and you have to stop trying to push me out. We live in the same city and go to the same school and whether you like it or not Jazz I'm gonna be there cause you're my friend and miss you." I was breathing heavily and felt mildly stupid; my speech sounded like a something Pacey and Dawson would say to one another. He turned his head just slightly so I could see the side of his face he paused there for just a moment and then turned and walked into his building. I shook my head and got back into the car.

Jake had moved and was sitting in the passenger seat. He looked freaked out and his dark skin looked white. He slowly turned his head to look at me. "That was fucking weird."

I had to laugh. "Yeah well that's Jazz."

I drove the fifteen minutes it took to get to our dorm and was exhausted after the four trips it took to get all of our shit into our room. We lounged around of our unmade beds until I mustered the strength to raise my head and look at Jake. "Hey you wanna go check out the campus, find a bar, and get a drink?" I watched as Jake thought about my offer, I could almost see the wheels cranking in his head. "Yeah ok."

I got up and looked at myself in the mirror hoping my bruises didn't make me look that bad. My goal for this evening was to get laid or at the very least get drunk, I needed a release after seeing Jazz today like his mood had imprinted itself on me some how making me feeling heavy. We left and following Jake in a daze I found myself in a bar called Twilight hitting on a girl named Ashley.

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**So there is chapter two. Somethings that were said between Charlie and Bella make no sense but they will I promise and they are important to the story later on. Reviews would be great. Thanks to like the three people who read this especially Ash. **


	3. Chapter 3

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Again I want to apologize for the grammar I'm a screenwriter and I write with short sentences and lots of dialouge. I'm also a fan of the semi colon its like a super comma. This chapter is helping me bridge chapter 4 and 5 together. I hope it makes sense. I don't know. I love how I write these notes like there is more than one person reading this and that person already knows all this shit. Okay I hope you enjoy.

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**BPOV**

Rosalie finally got her car back three days after we left. Three days was far too long because she was a whiny, withdrawn baby that never left her room and when she did she cussed me out for pretty much everything I did. When she finally did get her car back she apologized for her behaviour and took me out, getting me so drunk I forgot how to count. It was fun and something I desperately needed. I had spent every day since we got back from Forks being ignored by Jasper. Not even a text. Nothing; for almost a week and by the time he finally came around I was two things; worried fucking sick about what the hell happened to him and pissed off that he made me worry.

He woke us up in the middle of the night. I could hear Rosalie screaming at him followed by banging and something that could break being broken. "Get the fuck out you fucking drunk."

Emmett was mumbling and I could hear Jasper mumbling back. "No man no, I gotta see her." The light in my bedroom was flicked on waking me up entirely. I tossed around in my sea of blankets and pillows. "What the fuck?"

"Bella? Bells? Isabella Swan!" I heard him bump into something; I sat up and forced my eyes to adjust to the light. Jasper was sitting in my crème colored chair by the window with his eyes barely open. Emmett was kneeling beside the chair trying to reason with him. "Dude just let me take you home."

"No man I have to see her, I've gotta see my girl. Where's Bella?" I could tell he was really, really drunk as opposed to just really drunk because I could hear his southern drawl coming out. Jasper was born in Midland, Texas and lived there till he was nine.

"Dude she's right there." Emmett was pointing at me and I got out of bed and came over to Jasper.

I stood in front of him just staring as his head lulled back and forth. He slumped forward in his seat so his head was touching his knees; he was singing a slew of Oasis songs all mashed together. He reached out his hands and grabbed my ankles. "Bella you have beautiful ankles." I stepped backwards and he fell face first onto the floor and then flipped over on his back.

"Where the fuck have you been?" My voice was cold. I wanted to kick him so hard that I would break his ribs, I was fucking furious but I was also upset; Jasper had a problem that he refused to recognize. How could I help him when he had no desire to help himself?

He started swaying his head from side to side and shrugging his shoulders, his eyes were rolling back in his head. "Around." He laughed a little then coughed and then passed out.

I sighed and turned to look at Rosalie and Emmett. Emmett looked sympathetic while Rosalie looked like she was about to breathe fire. I kept waiting for her to say something, it looked like she was about too but she just clenched her jaw and walked out of the room. I sighed again; I was way to fucking tired for this shit and I had to get up early in the morning.

"She's not mad at you, she just thinks you deserve better." Emmett looked down at the floor and let his eyes wander to Jasper. "And you do…" He trailed off and quickly looked at me and then looked back down at Jasper. "But you can help who you chose to love. If you do love him, I don't know I think you're close." He looked up at me fingering the string on the shorts he was wearing. He kept opening his mouth as if he had more to say but he didn't, he just smiled. "Goodnight Bells." He turned and walked out of my room.

Emmett was far smarter and far more observant than I gave him credit for. Emmett was one of the most intimidating human beings you would ever meet. He was about 6'5 and built like a tree. He had a handsome face and a strange elegance given his size. I should have been attracted to him, every girl was attracted to him, but I wasn't; I always saw him more like a brother rather than some sort of sexual object. Emmett and I got along right from our first meeting but never made any effort to hang out other than the times when he was with Rose and so was I. He didn't say much and when he did he was usually drunk and it was a bunch of incoherent gibberish. I thought that maybe when he shrouded himself in all that silence he allowed himself to sit back and watch the world unfold. Maybe he watched people and observed their quirks and habits; how we interact with each other and maybe he understood the world and his stupid comments and moronic laughs were just a cover up. I liked Emmett for the most part he was a good person and he was good to Rose and that's all I really needed to know about him.

I looked at Jasper one more time and shook my head. I turned the light off and climbed back into bed. I closed my eyes and prayed for sleep. I didn't want to think about Jasper anymore, I didn't want to think about the day when he would eventually face whatever was causing this problem. I counted my breaths and slowly drifted into a dreamless sleep.

I woke up the next morning at 9 a.m. with another person in my bed. It was Jasper. He was sleeping. I was trying to figure out how he got here and really the only reasonable explanation I came up with was that he got up in the middle of the night and crawled into bed with me. I watched him sleep. He looked content and I wished I could see what he was dreaming about. His hair was filthy and he smelt pretty terrible, he had the same outfit on I last saw him in when we left Forks and that was five days ago.

I brushed a piece of his hair away from his face and stared at him. I sighed deeply and got up and moved to the bathroom. I showered and put on some make-up and blow dried my fair halfway. I grabbed two aspirin and went into the kitchen for a bottle of water. Rose and Emmett were still asleep, I could hear snoring. I went back into my room and got dressed. I slipped into my favourite pair of ripped jeans that fit me better than my own skin and a t-shirt that said _I am Jack's complete lack of surprise_. I put the aspirin and water on my night table and left Jasper a note.

Take these when you wake up and please shower and if

you can wash your clothes. If Rosalie is being a bitch

ignore her. Please don't leave till I get back. Eat something.

Bella

I knew that he wasn't going to listen to me but I left the note with the best of intentions. I was far too easy on him for the shit he put me through. I told myself if he didn't do what I asked in my note I would dump him. I'd have to. He was on a downward spiral and was going to take me with him and I couldn't have that.

I walked out of my bedroom and saw Rosalie standing in the kitchen. She had a cup of coffee in her hand and even though she had no make-up on and her hair was standing up every which way she still looked like a model. I silently cursed her and wished that I looked like that when I got up and not some tiny, weird, girly, tomboy that only felt sexy when she was wearing a dress and high heels. "Is he still here?" her voice was cold.

I nodded.

"I want him out." She turned away from me. She did this because she felt bad; she only turned away from me when she was doing something she knew she had to do but didn't really want to because she knew it would upset me.

"Rose he is going to sleep most of the day and then maybe have a shower. You'll never know he's here." I was making sure my work uniform was still in my backpack from two days ago. It was. I was throwing my wallet and cell phone in the bag and stopped to look at her. Her back was turned to me still and she had both of her hands on the marble counter tops in front of her.

"Alright but if he does one thing, major or minor, that pisses me off I will put a butcher knife through his jugular." She turned to look at me her face was slightly softer but not by much.

"That's all I ask." We stood in silence for a couple of seconds then I lifted my bag and zipped it up. "I'm getting school shit in order today and I work till ten so can you pick me up at like eleven?"

She nodded and took a long sip of her coffee.

"Thanks I'll text you when I'm done." She nodded again and went back into her bedroom with another coffee mug. I turned and went back into my room and grabbed the note and wrote a P.S.

P.S. Just try and stay away from Rosalie.

I finally managed to get out of the apartment at 10:15 and got to U of W shortly after that. I sorted out all of my classes and got text books and reading lists. This took me far too long because the senior student that was working that day was breaking up with her boyfriend and was either yelling at him on the phone or crying when she finally hung up.

I got to the best book store in all of Seattle, _Doherty_, at 1:30. I had to rush which fucking pissed me off because I hated rushing. The book store was this hole in the wall that had what seemed like every book ever written. _Doherty_ was the well guarded secret of the most avid readers in Seattle, to tell anyone that you knew about this place meant you really trusted them; the first rule of _Doherty_ is that you do not talk about _Doherty_.

I got out of there in time to catch a bus to the restaurant I worked at called Eclipse. I wasn't looking forward to today, there was a new guy starting and I had to train him and I was tired and irritated and no patience for people that didn't know what they were doing.

I got to work a little bit early and was disappointed by what I saw. There wasn't a single person in the restaurant besides the day waitress Victoria, which meant I was making no money tonight. Victoria was a thirty-three year old single mother of two and she worked the day shift every day but Sunday. She was sitting in an empty booth with her eyes closed when I approached her. I sometimes felt bad for Vic. She was beautiful; she had long red hair, hair so red it looked unnatural, creamy white skin with minimal freckles and blue eyes; she was thin and tall and looked like a model. Unfortunately for Vic she married and had kids far too young and when her husband left her she did what she could to give her kids all the things she never had. So she got a job here ten years ago and never left. I sat down in the seat opposite her. "Hey."

She jolted slightly and opened her eyes, blinking them rapidly. She brought her hands up to her face and rubbed. "Hey Bella, what time is it?"

I took out my cell phone. "Quarter to four. What's the day been like?" I started getting my uniform out of my backpack placing the white dress shirt I had to wear on the table trying to smooth out the wrinkles.

"I got one table all day." She looked tired and irritated; she knew she was going to have to take a second job.

"Shit." I looked around the dining room again feeling defeated by this stupid day. "So I'm gonna to make a lot of money tonight." I said sarcastically rolling my eyes.

"Tons." She said smiling at me taking a hair tie and pulling her hair into a messy bun at the top of her head.

"Super." I took out my black dress pants and laid them out in the booth. "Is the new guy here?"

She raised one of her eyebrows and sighed, her eyes were all dreamy. "Yes he is." She smiled mischievously and her tone led me to believe that the new guy was hot. "You are so lucky you get to train him."

"Why cause he's like so hot?" I put on my best valley girl voice.

Victoria sat up straight and pointed her index finger at me. "Hey you haven't seen him yet and when you do, my God." She sighed again and I had to roll my eyes. "Bronze hair, green eyes, 6'3, looks like he was carved from marble. Gorgeous."

I grabbed all of my uniform fixings and got up. "Vic your drooling; you've got some drool right there." I leaned over the table and tried to point at the corner of her mouth but she knocked my hand away. "Go away Bella." I laughed and headed towards the kitchen and into the back of the restaurant.

I was stopped on my way there by the manager of Eclipse, Easton. Easton was eight years older than me and looked and sounded exactly like the guy who plays Jim on the Office, John Krasinski. He was also a big fan of the Office and when situations became uncomfortable or someone said something stupid or completely inappropriate Easton would make a funny face and look to the side as if a camera was there. Easton was also gay, but you would never be able to tell by any of his mannerisms. He was an easy going guy and with a great sense humour and dry wit. He was the reason I liked coming to work. "Hey Easton." I jumped a little into his arms and hugged him tightly. "I am so happy to see you; you are the high point of my day."

"Wait until you see the new guy." His eyes widened and his jaw locked and he let out this noise that I could only describe as animal. "My God if only I was a little younger."

"Really? Is this guy really that hot? Victoria was like waist deep in drool when I left her." I sounded sceptical.

"Bella this is why I hired him, in the interview he could have told me he was a murderer, I wouldn't know. I could barely hear a word he said because he's so radiantly hot. Kinda like Brad Pitt in Fight Club mixed with an Armani model." He grabbed my shoulder and shook me. "Bella I don't know if I can would with someone that attractive. He has to be gay." He put one of his hands on his hip and wiped his lips with the other one and was looking past me.

I turned my head to see what he was looking at. I could see the back of the new guy; he must have been reading employee agreements. "Is that him?" I pointed at the office, Easton nodded again. "Well I'm gonna go take a look at this gift from the Gods."

I turned and walked into the office, leaned up against a desk and stuck my hand out. "Hey I'm Bella." He turned and I couldn't move. Out of all the restaurants in Seattle Edward Cullen had to get a job in the one I worked at. Edward Cullen was the golden God that had all my co-workers tripping over themselves.

His face scrunched up in shock and confusion. "Bella?" What a fucking moron of course it was me I just introduced myself as Bella, he must have been as freaked out as I was.

I knew my eyes were wide, kind of like a deer in headlights. "Edward?" He nodded and kept opening his mouth like he was about to speak but then didn't and he furrowed his brow and ran his hands through his hair. I just stood there nodding and then move towards the door. "Cool, I'll see you out there then." I moved quickly to the back room passing Easton, he followed.

"So what did you think?" He had the biggest smile on his face.

I ducked into the bathroom and quickly put on my dress pants and came back out tucking my white tank top into them. "I know him." I looked up at him and watched confusion sweep his face. "What do you mean?" I took out my dress shirt and put it on buttoning it and tucking it into my pants. "I mean, I. Know. Him." I stared at him waiting for my words to register. They didn't. "Remember when I came into work two days ago and I told you about that really hot guy that was friends with Jasper that thought I was a hooker." He nodded and stared at me expectantly. "Okay, I can't believe you haven't put this together. Edward is hooker man."

Easton's eyes widened and a huge smile spread across his face. "No." I bit my lip and nodded. "He was going to pay you to have sex with him?" I nodded again. His wide eyes and large smile faded and turned into confusion. "Why?"

I pursed my lips and tilted my head to one side. "Thanks Easton." I walked past him and picked up my apron and tied it around my waist, took a hair tie from my pocket and pull my hair up into a ponytail. Easton was following me. "Bella that's not what I meant, I meant why would someone that hot have to pay to have sex with anyone?"

I turned and stopped right in front of the office. "I don't know why don't you ask him." I looked at Edward who had spun his chair around and was now facing the door; he looked from me to Easton who had stopped on the other side of the door frame and then back to me. "You're telling our hooker story aren't you?" He looked slightly embarrassed and I tried to hold back a smile. He looked so innocent and sweet and I looked away from him and just nodded. I didn't like the fact that I found him attractive or the fact that he was a pretty good guy with exception of the hooker fiasco, I didn't like it because I knew I could end up developing a crush on a boy like this and that was the last thing I needed. I didn't need to start liking one of my boyfriend's friends that he hadn't talked to in a year and had some sort of weird history with.

Easton had turned his whole body to face Edward. "Why were you going to pay her to have sex with you?" He put his hand under his chin and stuck his index finger up and started tapping his bottom lip. I stared at Edward; I was mildly curious myself.

"I thought she was hot." He raised his hand and pointed at me and let it fall to his lap, he looked away from me while the lightest shade of pink flushed his cheeks. I smiled again and then gave myself a mental slap; I had to stop doing that.

"Why didn't you just ask her to have sex with you?" Easton was genuinely curious. Edward looked up at him. "I thought she was a hooker, to have sex with a hooker you must pay them." The way he described it, it made what he did seem reasonable, in a way he was just being polite and thoughtful to what he thought was a lady of the night. Then something he just said crept back into my mind.

"Hey what do you mean you thought I was hot? Did you stop thinking I was hot?" I was offended I wanted him to find me attractive; if someone as hot as him thought I was hot then I really must be hot. I closed my eyes and sighed out realizing I was shallow enough to paddle in.

He pointed at me. "Oh no, no, no, no, you are not going to do that. You are Jasper's girlfriend you are a void space, I am not allowed to look at you as a girl only as a space that takes up air."

My eyes narrowed and I took a step forward. "Excuse me?"

He started shaking his head. "No that's not what I meant; I'm just having trouble finding the right words." He wouldn't look at me.

"Well I suggest you look harder." I had crossed my arms. I was acting like a girl; a whiny, sissy, stupid little girl. I knew what he was trying to say but I was being defensive, under no circumstances was I going to let this boy into my bubble.

"What I am trying to say is yes I find you attractive but you are with Jasper and he is my friend so you are off limits because no matter how much I may have wanted you my friendship with Jazz means more." He was looking at me now, his green eyes were intense. I looked away from him to Easton who was looking past me making a silly 'Jim' face. It had gotten weird and uncomfortable and I felt bad. I made Edward emit something I'm sure he didn't want to, to a man he didn't know at all and to a girl he knew very little.

I looked back at him and rubbed my neck, I could feel the heat creeping up my face and I knew that I was probably a brilliant shade of scarlet, I had embarrassed myself. "I'm gonna go out front. Are you ready or do you still need to finish reading?"

"I got about a page left." He looked irritated.

"Okay you know where to find me when you are done." I turned and nearly ran away. I could hear someone following behind me and I prayed that it was Easton. It was.

"That was fucking uncomfortable. Why were you so rude to him?" He had his arms crossed; apparently I had to tell him why I was so rude to his new imaginary boyfriend.

"Because Easton his is insanely good looking and he seems like a good guy so if I act like a bitch hopefully he will stay away from me and I won't develop a crush on him cause God knows I will and I don't need to deal with that. I have Jasper. I am dating Jasper." I crossed my arms and mimicked his pose.

He rolled his eyes. "Oh fuck Jasper that boy is a drunk loser, cute yes, but not worth investing your time in Bella. Jasper is going to hurt you badly." His voice went from annoyed to sympathetic in seconds.

I looked away from him and stared at the cars passing outside. "I know, but I'm involved now. There is something wrong with him, he has a problem and I don't think abandoning him is going to help, but I don't know how to help because he won't tell me anything." I turned and threw my arms in the air and let them fall limply back at my sides.

"I'm finished reading." I didn't hear him coming and Edward scared me to fucking death and I screamed. "Jesus Edward."

"Sorry."

"That's okay." I looked around the restaurant. "Well I can't really train you considering we have no customers so I'll just show you where we keep everything." I saw Victoria coming towards us; I looked at Edward. "You've met Victoria, yeah?"

"Yeah we met briefly." He nodded and stuck out his hand as she passed. "Hey again."

Victoria slid her hand into his and gave him a quoi smile. "Hey back." She looked at me and shrugged when she saw I was shaking my head. "Well I'm gonna go." She smiled again. "Goodbye Edward."

"Goodbye." He didn't seem to notice that she was trying to flirt with him, he turned back to me.

As she passed Victoria leaned in and smelt him and then rolled her eyes and then mouthed the words 'Oh my God.' My mouth fell open; I narrowed my eyes and started shaking my head. She walked towards Easton and whispered something in his ear and then sauntered into the back. Easton walked past the two of us and as he did he leaned in and smelt Edward. I couldn't believe they were doing this; they were acting like creepy school girls.

"So let me take you around the restaurant." He nodded and followed me as I told him everything I could think of about the restaurant. I managed to spread this out over two hours until I found myself telling him who supplies us with napkins. When I realized I was rambling I stopped talking and we stood in the middle of the dining room not saying anything. It was uncomfortable and I force myself to say something.

"So did Easton give you an apron?" He shook his head. "Okay I'll go get you one." I was happy to have a reason to get out of the uncomfortable situation I found myself in.

I ran to the office and found Easton playing solitaire on the computer. "Can I have an apron for Edward?" Easton spun around in his chair and opened up a filing cabinet and handed me one.

"How's it going?"

"Have you ever seen one of those British sitcoms and everything that happens is really awkward and you just wanna climb out of your own skin because it is so awful and you can't do anything to save the people involved?" I stood there knotting the strings of the apron together. Easton nodded. "Well that's how it's going. I read him the ingredients of ketchup."

Easton let out sympathetic laughter. "Oh no, oh Bella." He couldn't get anymore words out he just laughed and laughed. I rolled my eyes and walked towards the dining room.

Edward met my half way in the kitchen. "There's people here."

My eyes widened and I smiled. "Wow we're actually going to make some money tonight. Here." I handed him the apron and watched him tied it around his waist. I watched as he tilted his head down so he could see what he was doing; his hair fell in front of his face, the tips brushing the ends of his eyelashes. His lips kept parting and then pursing together; he brought his one of his hands up to his mouth and rubbed his bottom lip, his fingers touching his mouth, running themselves through his hair, his long fingers. I wondered what those long fingers would feel like – no, no, no, no, no, no. I can't think about that.

"No, what?" Edward was looking at me like I was a mental case.

I just stared him opening and closing my mouth, scoffing looking back at him like he was crazy. I could feel my face going beet red. Why was I so awkward? "We have to go serve these people." I made a gesture with my arm that suggested that he follow me.

I spent the rest of the night trying not to embarrass myself. More people came into the restaurant and I got busy and distracted. I had planned for a slow evening and got the opposite. I had to hope that Edward could fend for himself. He did well only asking me a couple of questions and getting about sixty percent of the orders right, he also made forty-eight more dollars than me in tips which pissed me off.

At ten we locked the doors. I was exhausted and couldn't wait for this stupid, tired, embarrassing day to be over. I collapsed into a booth and he did the same. I looked at him. "So what do you think?"

He shrugged. "It wasn't bad; I think that I could do this a couple days a week." He took some bread off a plate and bit into it.

My mouth fell open and I started to smile. "Are you eating bread off some stranger's plate?"

"I'm hungry." He smiled this fantastic crooked smile, it was kind of goofy and kind of sexy and completely and totally Edward. I laughed out loud. It was a laugh that came from my belly. "You can just order something. Easton's pretty cool with letting us eat for free."

"Really?" He got up and ran to the computer. "What do you want?"

I seriously considered this. I was starving and I wanted my meal to be the perfect meal. "Fettuccini, it's a pasta kind of night."

I smiled as his face got really serious and concentrated. Edward wasn't the asshole who tried to pay me for sex. He was nerdy and awkward and intelligent and only spoke when he had something to say. I didn't know that much about him but I knew I wanted to know more. I wanted to be his friend because we couldn't be anything more. I knew that Jasper treated me like shit but I was invested, he was mine and I was his and that was it; we weren't in love but I knew that one day we could be.

I got up and walked over to him. "So while we wait for food, we clean and you get to do most of it cause I hate cleaning." I walked over to the sink and handed all the cleaning products he was going to need to clean the bathrooms. "This is also about the time that we change the music cause by this point in the night this top 40 pop shit is making me want to kill myself." I walked over to the c.d. player and pushed open and picked up a c.d. that was sitting beside the machine and put it in.

"So what angst ridden, emo, slit your wrists, power guitar bullshit are we going to be listening to tonight?" He was putting on the rubber gloves I had given him like he was some sort of doctor about to perform surgery.

I raised one of my eyebrows and smiled. He had no idea that he was going to like what he was about to hear. "Ye of little faith." I pushed play and _Children of the Revolution_ by _T-Rex_ started to play. There was a look of recognition and surprise on his face like he couldn't believe that I could possibly be listening to _this_ song. I walked out of the kitchen into the dining room and began cleaning the tables; he followed me carrying all the supplies.

"How do you know this song?" The tone of his voice suggested that he would be surprised anyone had heard this song before let alone myself.

"I heard it one day and I liked it so I put it on a c.d., and then I heard more and more by them and became a fan." I was organizing the objects on the table I had just cleaned.

"But I don't understand how did you hear it?"

I stopped cleaning and looked at him, questions like that irritated me. "What? What do you mean how did I hear it? I used my ears; I heard music so I listened. They are a popular band; you know in public domain, they aren't some sort of secret." I went back to my cleaning.

"Yeah but nobody our age knows who they are. When I say I love _T-Rex_ people think I love listening to dinosaurs and have some sort of mental disability." He was looking at me like I was an idiot, like I was treating the situation too lightly.

I looked up at him again and started to make my way towards the bathroom. I stopped by the doors. "Well I bet you're glad you picked the restaurant where _T-Rex_ is pretty much the standard." I gave him this stupid smile and pointed at the doors. "Do you feel more comfortable in the men's or ladies washroom?"

He smiled that crooked smile again. "Ladies."

"Okay." I pushed open the door and told him how to clean the bathroom. I didn't show him how to do any of it partly because he seemed smart enough to figure it out and partly because I didn't want to clean a toilet in front of him.

I left him to it and took off my dress shirt and un-tucked my tank top. I finished cleaning all the tables listening to my favourite mix of the 60's and 70's. I kept my dancing to a minimum because I looked like a chicken with two left feet when I did dance but when _ABC_ by _The Jackson 5 _came on I couldn't help myself. I got out the vacuum which was an industrial shop-vac and went to town; I danced like no one was watching, singing at the top of my lungs. After I vacuumed the dining room half assed I turned to go and turn it off and found Edward standing behind me, laughing.

I screamed and started hitting him with the tube of the vacuum. I stopped relatively quick when I realized that it was Edward and he wasn't going to kill me. He had brought up his arms and started swearing at me, telling me to stop. I backed up and walked past him and turned off the vacuum. "Fuck Edward! What the fuck are you doing?"

"I finished cleaning. I was coming to ask you what to do next but you were, uh." His smiled grew wider and he rubbed his mouth with his fingers. "You were dancing and singing, I think if you could call it that." His eyes were watering and he was wiping away his tears.

I didn't like that he was laughing at me. I came up to him and smacked him in the chest. God I was such a girl. "Don't fucking do that. You don't just come up behind someone like that. Goddamn. What if I had a knife in my hand?"

"You'd be stabbing the floor? I'm sorry I don't understand the question." His laughing had died down he just looked confused. I was turning red; I was so embarrassed he caught me doing the one thing I knew I was absolutely awful at.

Easton came out of the kitchen looking panicked and frightened, he ran up to us. "I heard screaming is everything okay?"

We both ignored him. "Edward if I had a knife in my hand you would have multiple stab wounds to your chest, ass clown." I was poking him in the chest with my index finger. I had moved really close to him; I could feel his breath on my face when he let out a shocked laugh. I could smell him. He smelt like shampoo and soap and a musk that was completely natural and masculine and a little like cigarettes even though he hadn't asked to smoke all night. It was intoxicating.

"Whoa, no need for name calling just because I caught you doing something embarrassing." A shit eating grin spread across his face that turned into the crooked smile I was starting to wish was always on his face. The way he looked at me when he smiled like that made the butterflies in my stomach flutter. I had to step away from him.

"What did you catch her doing?" Easton was interested; he wanted to be in on the joke with his darling Edward.

He looked over at him and smugly said, "I caught her dancing."

Easton's eyes lit up and he started laughing. "Oh man what was it like? She's got a few moves that are amazing."

I looked at Easton confused, embarrassed and slightly hysteric. "What? What are you talking about you've never seen me dance."

"Oh Bella you dance all the time you just don't realize you're doing it." He smiled and turned back to Edward and did this thing with his body that made 'The Elaine' look like professional ballroom dancing. I watched the two of them as they had what looked like seizures standing up.

I felt my hold body tense with angry and tears well in my eyes. What influence did Edward have over my friends that made them think it was a good idea to make fun of me? Good looks? A childhood friendship? It was fucking bullshit and I was pissed off. "Fuck you both." I turned and pulled the vacuum along with me putting it in its proper cupboard. I walked into the kitchen and started cleaning the coffee machine. Edward and Easton appeared at the entrance of the kitchen moments later.

"Oh Bella come on we're sorry its just funny. Don't be mad." Easton came over and rubbed my back.

I turned and looked at him; I was not pleased. "Yes I'm going to be mad. I am mad and embarrassed. Embarrassed and mad. It's my right to be mad, I'm an American I know my rights." I went back to cleaning the machine.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I wasn't looking at Easton but I knew he was confused.

"I don't know because I am mad and embarrassed. Now go and count money I want to leave." I turned to Edward. "And you go make sure the milk hasn't expired." I turned back to the machine and both of them walked away and did what I told them. I didn't see much of Edward for the rest of the night he only talked to me when I needed to give him his next task.

I didn't say anything to either of them till it was time to leave. I changed and grabbed my food and told Easton I would see him later and went outside to wait for Rosalie. I had texted her thirty minutes prior and she hadn't gotten back to me. Easton locked the door and said goodbye to me and Edward and drove away.

We sat down on the curb in front of the restaurant. Edward finally broke the silence. "I think you blowing this way out of proportion. I didn't mean to offend you it was just funny."

I looked at him; he seemed sincere but I couldn't stop being mad at him and the fact that I couldn't stop being mad was making me even madder. I looked away from him. "This would be strike three Cullen."

"Bella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I embarrassed you and that I woke you up that one time and I'm sorry about the time I thought you were a hooker." He sighed out. "And I'd really like if we could start again." He paused. "So I'm Edward."

His hand shot into my view. I stared at it. I was blowing this way out of proportion and he was trying to be my friend, I think, and I did like him; maybe a little too much and that was a problem. I closed my eyes and sighed. I raised my hand and slid it into his. "I'm Bella."

"It's nice to meet you Bella." He moved closer to me. I could feel his thigh touching mine. He stuck his legs straight out in front of him. I looked at him; he was smiling my favourite crooked smile and I laughed. "It's nice to meet you too Edward." I paused. "And all this let's start over shit, really cliché and it's the second time you've pulled it." He chuckled. "Yeah well it worked didn't it."

My cell phone started vibrating. It was Rosalie telling me she was at Twilight and was far too drunk to drive. "Fuckity fuck."

Edward's head perked up. "What?"

I didn't want to tell him because I knew he would offer me a ride and I didn't want to burden him after the way I acted tonight but I knew I was going have to tell him because I couldn't lie for shit. "Rosalie's drunk and can't pick me up."

"I can give you a ride." He was still smiling. God he was happy.

"Thanks I appreciate it."

"No problem."

There was more silence. I tried to think of something to say. "How was the ride back with Jasper?"

He moved his head from side to side. "It was good; it was a lot of fun to catch up you know?" He looked at me searching for validation. I nodded. "But he's different and his mood changes so suddenly, it's almost violent." His eyes were shifting back and forth; did he want answers about Jasper's behaviour because his guess was probably better than mine.

"Did something happen on the ride back cause Jasper wouldn't return my calls all week and then he showed up at my apartment at like two in the morning fucking annihilated and…" I trailed off twiddling my fingers. "And I don't know what to do. He won't tell me what's wrong."

Edward looked away from me and sighed; he closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.

I leaned forward in hopes of meeting his eye line. "You know why he's like this don't you?" He did, I knew he did and I got all excited, I could feel a shot of adrenaline burst through me.

He nodded.

"Well why? Tell me." Just then Jacob pulled up in the Volvo and Edward shot up and got into the passenger seat. I got up and climbed into the back seat. I wanted to know, he had to tell me but I knew that he wouldn't; his loyalties lied with Jasper and I knew he wouldn't say anything until he knew Jasper had said something first.

He looked over at Jacob. "How was the date man?"

Jacob looked over at him. "I'm picking your ass up at eleven. How do you think it went?" He shook his head and paid attention to the road occasionally looking back at me until he finally said something. "Okay I don't mean to be rude but what are you doing here Bella?"

I laughed. "Uh I work with Edward; Rosalie is drunk and can't pick me up." He nodded and I grasped both front seats and pulled myself forward and looked at him. "Could you drop me off at a bar called Twilight, I'll give you directions."

"I know where it is." Jacob was blunt and still upset about his date. I sat back in my seat and smiled. Jacob was kind of adorable and I was shocked that I blocked my childhood memory of him. He had russet coloured skin that didn't have one imperfection or flaw, large golden eyes and thick full pink lips. He had short black hair that was just starting to get shaggy and his body was long and should have been gangly but wasn't. He had muscle but not a lot of it. His face had hard rigid lines of adulthood but his eyes were filled with innocence and a childlike wonder. He was someone that I wanted to surround myself with, it seemed like he had a warmth radiating from him even in his anger.

He pulled up to the bar. I jumped out and went up to the passenger side window, Edward unrolled it. "You guys are welcome to come in and have a drink with us."

Edward looked like he was about to say something but then Jacob cut in. "Edward has to get back to the dorm to see his girlfriend."

Girlfriend? Wasn't he paying me for sex last week? How could possibly have a girlfriend now? Was he a cheater? It had to be something he was far too perfect.

Edward slowly turned his head and gave Jacob a look that made his eyes widen with fear. Edward turned back to me. "Sorry my classes start tomorrow."

"That's cool maybe some other time. Thanks for the ride and sorry about all my drama queen bullshit earlier I'm just having an off day." I was trying prolong this moment. Why?

"That's fine. I'll see you later Bella." He smiled quickly; it was fake he was mad about something.

"Yeah see you later. Later Jake." I turned and walked toward the bar and then remembered something. I ran back to the car. It stopped and Edward rolled down the window again. I was out of breath. "Sorry. Hi. Um next Saturday Rosalie and I are having a house warming slash birthday party and it would be cool if you both could make it."

Edward looked at Jacob and then back at me, he started nodding his head. "Yeah that would be cool." He smiled it was real this time.

"Give me your phone I put my number in it." I took his phone and programmed my number in. I handed it back. "So just text me whenever. I'll give you directions and you know, bring your girlfriend." I was nodding, I felt kind of uncomfortable.

"Yeah we'll definitely be there. Whose birthday is it?"

I smiled and felt my face go red; thank God it was dark. "Uh mine." I laughed a little.

"Oh well happy birthday." He sounded surprised.

"Thanks." I paused. "So bye again." I backed away from the car.

"Yeah bye." He rolled up the window and they drove away.

I turned my attention to the bar and walked inside. The bar was lined with booths and a few round tables that surrounded the bar in the middle of the room. It was lit with purple and blue lights and after a couple of drinks the whole atmosphere unbelievably surreal. At the front of building there was a stage which was now home to Rosalie who was singing _Eye of the Tiger_, it was karaoke night. I found the booth that Emmett was sitting at and sat down across from him and pulled what was left of Rose's Cosmo towards me. I drank all of it in one gulp and looked at Emmett. "Where's Jasper?"

Emmett was wasted. He swung his head over to look at me. "He didn't come. He's still at your apartment."

I couldn't believe it Jasper did what I asked. "Did you take the car here?"

He nodded.

"How are you getting home?"

"Bus." He sounded like a fog horn.

"Can I take the car?"

He nodded and started rummaging through Rose's purse. _Eye of the Tiger_ ended and _Betty Davis Eyes_ started; it was being sung by some tone-deaf idiot. He finally found the keys and pulled them out, mints and lipsticks and tampons came out with them. He handed them to me and I got up.

Rose came up behind me. "BELLA!" I turned and she had her arms up in the air and she threw them around me. "I am so glad you're here."

"I have to go babe." I hugged her with one arm while I took a swig of Emmett's beer.

She put on the cutest sad face of ever and pouted. "Aw why?"

"I gotta go see Jazz." I leaned in and gave her a quick peck. "You sounded great."

She leaned back in the booth and fell into Emmett's lap. "I didn't kill him."

"And I thank you greatly." I was already out the door as I shouted this to her. I was glad that I wasn't going to be there for the grope fest that I was sure started moments after I felt.

I got in the car and stared it. It purred underneath me and I smiled. I loved driving this car and rarely got to do it; I knew I was going to speed all the way home. I pulled into our designated parking spot and rushed inside. I impatiently waited for the elevator and took it to the fifth floor and paced outside apartment 506 for about ten minutes. I wanted to do this. I wanted to face him and tell him that he was fucking what we had up. I was going to smack some sense into this young man. I was going to breathe fire and rain sulphur.

I opened the door. The apartment was clean. No spotless was the right word. I dropped my bag by my room and walked around the corner to see Jasper sitting on the couch watching _The Breakfast Club_. He turned and looked at me. His eyes were sad and the smile he gave me was forced but he looked clean. He hoped over the back of the sofa and came towards me. He looked better; there was some color in his face.

"Hey." He hugged me and brought me to his tall, lanky frame.

He smelt clean like detergent and my shampoo. I nuzzled my head into his chest and breathed him in. "You showered and washed your clothes."

"You asked me too."

I looked up at him. "Did you eat?"

He nodded. "There was some leftover it's in a container in the fridge, I figured you'd be hungry."

I pulled away from him. I couldn't lose my nerve. "Where have you been the last six days?" I looked him in the eye. I had to let him know I was serious that he wasn't going to get away with half-assed answers.

"In bars. Drinking. The drive back with Edward brought up things from my past and I can't deal with it." I couldn't remember the last time I saw him this sober and serious.

"What? What is it? It the reason you drink the reason you close up and won't tell me anything about yourself, isn't it?" I moved closer to him and grabbed his hands. "Jasper if you don't tell me what's wrong how am I supposed to help you?"

His grey eyes were cold and serious and the way the light was he had major shadows cast over them. "I can't tell you Bella. I'm sorry but I just can't." He turned away from me walked into the kitchen. I followed him.

"Why? I bet it's not as big of a deal as your making it out to be." I jetted out my leg, crossed my arms and cocked an eyebrow. He turned and the look on his face told me what I just said was definitely the wrong thing to say.

All the veins in his neck were bulging and his face was red. "Not that big of a deal." He laughed. "You know nothing about me." He yelled it at me.

"You won't tell me anything about you how the fuck am I supposed to know anything about you if you won't let me in?" I shouted back. I was breathing heavily; so was he.

We were silent for a long time. "Well Bells what do you want to do?" He shifted his eyes towards me. "I will try to get some help and stop drinking. I'm going to try but I'm not going to tell you why I drink. I'm not, maybe one day but not now and if that's not good enough for you then maybe we should break up."

I jolted my head up. He was willing to break up with me to guard whatever he was guarding. "I don't want to break up." My voice was small, I couldn't look at him.

"Bella I know I put you through a lot of shit and I'm sorry and I'm gonna get help. You were right I do have a problem and I am going to sort it out and I will let you in you just have to give me my own time to work through this shit that is going through my head." He had moved closer to me and was rubbing his hands up and down on my arms.

I looked up at him. "As long as you get help." I couldn't raise my voice any higher than a whisper.

"I will." He took my face him my hands and kissed me. I kissed him back and threw my arms around his neck. He moved his hands down my body and secured his arms around my waist and expertly manipulated my bottom lip between both of his and then he just stopped. "Are you tired?"

I was confused. "What?"

"Are you tired? Do you want to sleep?"

"Uh yeah I guess so." He passed me and went into my bedroom. What was he doing? Did he just want sex without all the cuddling? He could have just asked. I followed him into the bedroom and found him lying on the bed. He was in his boxers; yep he wanted sex. I stripped down to my underwear and got into bed with him pushing myself up against his lean, cold body. He wrapped his arms me and nestled his face in the crook of my neck and started to breathe deeply. I was waiting for him to make a move; he never did. Should I? I _was_ tired. I laid there counting his breaths until they turned into muffled snores.

I was thinking about what happened. Did we make progress, were we moving forward or moving backward or were we just standing still. Why didn't he make a move? I thought about it until my head was pounding and my eyes were so heavy with sleep I couldn't keep them open anymore.

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**Victoria is not bad. I am just using a character name. The next chapter is the same as this chapter except from Edward's point of view. I hoped you liked it. **


	4. Chapter 4

**So here is the deal. I can't figure out this beta reader business because I'm an idiot so fuck the beta reader. I'm going to edit them myself. So this is the last time I am going to apologize for my shitty spelling and grammar. I'm sorry please bear with me, I'm learning. Just try to take the story for what it is. I'm sorry if this chapter is boring, it might be. **

**Crazy love for everyone.**

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**EPOV**

I woke up to the sound of an old alarm clock radio playing _Every Rose Has It's Thorn_ by _Poison_. I wanted to open my eyes but my throbbing head told me if I did the throbbing would only get worse. I turned over in the plush bed I was sleeping in and cocooned myself in fleece sheets. I tried to remember the night before. I remembered a purple and blue haze and really shitty pop music and tequila, lots and lots of tequila. And there was a girl, Ashley, her name was Ashley. I wasn't in my dorm, I was in her dorm, I went home with Ashley. My eyes flew open and I sat up and looked around. I immediately regretted this; the room was filled with light and my headache raged, I brought my hand up to my eyes and covered them letting out a moan.

"Wild night?" I jolted and turned my head in the direction the voice came from. I opened my eyes a little and saw a blonde girl sitting on the adjacent bed smoking a cigarette. She was staring at me smiling. I looked down and saw that I was naked and I wasn't covering myself all that well. I pulled the comforter up around my chest making sure that I was completely covered. The blonde girl's smile got wider and she looked away from me. "You want a cigarette?" She looked up at me again and held out a pack of cigarettes for me. I reached out and grabbed one and lit it. The blonde was pretty, nothing to write home about but not ugly. She had this thick southern accent and I wanted to ask where she was from but didn't.

I looked around the room and took in the lavender coloured walls, photographs and trinkets; it looked like a care bear had thrown up all over the room. I looked at the blonde and decided that knowing her name was a good thing. I looked at her and flashed her the best smile I could muster in my condition. "I'm sorry if we met before but I can't remember your name." I took a long drag of the cigarette and blew smoke rings out into the room.

"It's Jessica and you did meet me last night." She smiled again and put out her cigarette. What the fuck was she smiling about?

I nodded and looked away from her focusing on my pants on the floor in front of me. "Sorry I don't remember you I drank a lot."

"It seems like you don't remember a lot of things about last night." I looked up and realized that she was only wearing a black bra and panties. She got up and crossed the room and poured herself a cup of coffee from a tiny coffee maker.

Holy shit. What the fuck did I do last night? I remembered Ashley, I know that I slept with her but who was this Jessica? Did I sleep with her too? Did I have the both of them together? It was a small room shit could have happened. "Um I'm sorry if this comes across as rude or blunt but did we sleep together?"

She looked over at me and smiled letting out a playful laugh. She walked over to the bed and sat down beside me. "No." She looked at me through her lashes. "But it was fun to make you think that we did." She threw her head back and laughed. She leaned forward and grabbed a t-shirt and threw it on. She grabbed her coffee and left the room.

What the fuck was going on? Why are women so fucking insane? I was left in a dorm that wasn't mine; sitting in the bed of a girl I had known for about twelve hours, naked, with a devastating hangover trying to figure out what the hell happened and where the hell Ashley was. I put my cigarette out in a nearby ash tray and slowly stood trying to not to anger the hangover and I managed to get my boxers and jeans on when Ashley came into the room.

"Good morning." She had two cups of coffee in her hands and a paper bag filled with food. "How'd you sleep?" She was so chipper I couldn't help but smile.

"Okay." I rubbed my hands over my chest and stuck them under my armpits. I watched as Ashley put everything in her hands down on a desk. She was pretty. She had long light brown hair with a slight curl, large eyes, a narrow nose and a mouth that was always smiling. I was happy with my drunken choice and knew that I would see this girl again.

She handed me a coffee and I slowly sipped it seeing how my stomach was going to handle it. Ashley came up to me and wrapped her arms around my waist and started kissing my chest. The coffee wasn't helping and I was feeling sick. She looked up at me resting her chin on my chest. "I was thinking that we could go see a movie or something today."

"That's sounds great but I actually have a job interview today." I really did have an interview. My dad was friends with the owner of a restaurant in town and he set up a job for me. I also wanted to go to the movie with her but I knew I was going to be a write off for the whole day and didn't want to see her when I was in this state. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

She separated herself from me and sat on the bed and sipped her coffee. "Uh nothing, I could see a movie tomorrow." Her smile grew wider and took another sip.

I leaned over and picked up my shirt and put it on. I made sure I had all my belongings and went over to her and kissed her lightly. "I'll give you a call tomorrow."

"Okay."

I turned and went out into the hallway. I looked around and tried to figure out what building I was in. I had only been on campus for about a day and didn't know it at all. I was in Haggett Hall. This was my building. I looked at the number on her door, 618. No fucking way. I took a step to the left and looked at the door with the number 617 on it. This was my dorm. I took my keys out of my pocket and slid it into the lock and walked inside.

Jacob was still sleeping. I walked to the small balcony we had, leaned over and was sick. I was lucky that my dorm backed a lawn with little to no foot traffic. I breathed in deep and immediately felt better. I drank the rest of the coffee and sat on my bed looking at Jake. I kicked his bed until he finally woke up. He jolted suddenly, took a fast intake of air and looked around franticly like a bomb had just gone off and when he saw me he immediately calmed and buried his face in his pillow. "Fuck you man."

"Let's go get breakfast." I was hungry now. It was twelve now and I had my interview at three so if I was in town I wouldn't have to walk all that far.

Jacob turned over and looked at me. "I'm fucking mad at you dude."

"What the fuck for?"

He sat up and pointed his finger at me accusingly. "You fucking left me with that Jessica chick so you could go fuck the other one. Do you remember Jessica?"

I widened my eyes and blew out. "Well I met her this morning and -" he cut me off.

"No, no that was a rhetorical question. Jessica is fucking crazy. She wanted me to come back to her room and experiment with gerbils and strap-on's. And she would not leave me alone. She sat outside our dorm until four in the morning playing Cranberries songs on an out of tune guitar. And where were you?" I didn't answer I guessed it was another rhetorical question. "I'll tell you where you were, you were not helping me out when I asked you to help me out. You put the ho before the bro. I was fucking dying out there man and you just tipped your hat and said bon voyage. Bro's before ho's man, bro's before ho's." He stood up and crossed the room and put on some jeans and a shirt and crossed his arms with his back to me.

"Dude I'm sorry I was having a rough day and I was thinking about myself. I'm an asshole. Let's just go to breakfast and talk it out, I'll buy." I knew he was going to forgive me, Jake was a sucker for free food and he was a loyal friend that forgave people rather quickly.

He looked at me over his shoulder. "Fine." He grabbed his jacket and left the room; I smiled and ran after him.

We had breakfast at Denny's that cost me ninety-three dollars after Jake had had his fill. He forgave me and asked me for all the details about my night with Ashley. I told him what I could remember but most of the details were rather fuzzy; the fact that I was as drunk as I was and got it up seemed like a fucking miracle. I knew that she was on top that was about all I was sure of.

I made it to the restaurant Eclipse in time for my interview. I was greeted by a long haired red head who was fairly attractive and whose name was Victoria. She showed me to a booth at the far corner of the restaurant and told me that the manager, Easton, would be right with me. I sat in the large red booth looking around the small dining room that was badly decorated and had bad mood lighting.

Easton finally made his way over to the booth twenty minutes after I sat down. He was tall and looked and sounded exactly like the guy who plays Jim on _The Office_. He was also gay; the only way I knew this was he looked at me the way most women looked at me. I knew I was good looking; you can only hear something so many times until you start to believe it. He asked basic questions about where I had worked before and I gave him basic answers. Ten minutes after the interview started it was over and Easton shook my hand thirty seconds longer than necessary. I left and made my way back to the dorm, made my bed and went to sleep until noon the next day.

I spent the rest of the week organizing all my school shit and attending school functions. I went to the movies with Ashley on Thursday and then we went to dinner on Saturday. She said that she wanted to take it slow and that the sex was the alcohol, not her. After the movie we made out in her dorm for a couple of hours and then I got a hand job after dinner on Saturday. Taking it slow was fine with me; most girls I dated wouldn't give me a hand job until like a month after we started dating.

On Sunday I slept till two then got dressed and made my way to Eclipse for my three o'clock shift. I got there and changed into the clothes they told me I should wear; a white dress shirt and black pants. Easton greeted me, said I looked great in the uniform and that the girl that would be training me would be here in an hour. He led me to the office and gave me a stack of papers to read through about restaurant policies and employee regulations. I almost got through the whole stack in about forty-five minutes.

I was distracted when I heard Easton and some girl murmuring just outside the office doors. I could hear the thumping of someone's footsteps coming towards the office. The person entered and slammed their body into a desk to the left of me and their hand shot into my view. "Hey I'm Bella." Her voice was familiar and a face with large chocolate eyes flashed in my mind and I slowly turned to look at her. Her whole body went rigid and she just stared at me.

"Bella?" I asked in a shocked and confused tone. The look on her face suggested that I was a moron for saying her name in such a quizzical tone.

Her eyes were wide and she sputtered out my name. "Edward?" I nodded and kept opening and closing my mouth like an idiot, running my hands through my hair. I didn't want to say anything else because I knew I would embarrass myself. She just stared at me nodding then pushed herself away from the desk and smiled nervously. "Cool, I'll see you out there then." She rushed out of the room and went in a direction I hadn't been in yet. Easton followed.

I could hear them mumbling in the other part of the restaurant. I tried to read but it was no use. I couldn't believe that out of all the restaurants in Seattle I got a job at the one Isabella Swan worked at. Their voices were getting nearer after a minute or two; I heard the end of one of Easton's sentences. "...Have to pay to have sex with anyone?"

I turned the chair to face the door and watched as Bella flew past and stopped, grasping the door frame and pointed at me. "I don't know, why don't you ask him." She looked irritated and rapidly kept looking from me to Easton who had stopped on the other side of the door frame. I knew what she was talking to him about and I knew I was about to be embarrassed and interrogated. "You're telling our hooker story aren't you?" I was embarrassed. I wasn't proud of that night and I knew it would haunt me for as long as I knew any of the people involved.

Easton had turned to face me and was tapping his bottom lip with his index finger. "Why were you going to pay her to have sex with you?" He looked really curious as to why I'd have to pay to have sex with anyone. Bella shifted her body and crossed her arms and stared at me intently.

I closed my eyes and sighed; I knew I wasn't going to get away with half assed answers and I didn't feeling like lying because I felt like she'd see right through me. I raised my arm and pointed at her. "I thought she was hot." I let my arm fall into my lap and I looked away from her. My cheeks were hot and I knew I was blushing like a little girl.

"Why didn't you just ask her to have sex with you?" Easton asked. I looked up at him; I was mildly irritated. Did Easton not know what a hooker was? "I thought she was a hooker, to have sex with a hooker you must pay them." Both of their faces weighed what I had just said. I really didn't understand what the fuck they were weighing; it wasn't fucking rocket science it was paying for a hooker. Three things happen with a hooker you tell them you want to fuck, then you fuck, then you pay them it's not hard.

I looked at Bella and her brow furrowed and shifted her weight to her other foot. "What do you mean you thought I was hot? Did you stop thinking I was hot?" What a fucking cunt. Why do women do that? She was with Jasper; she knew I was friends with Jasper, she knew I thought she was hot. Why did she need to hear me say I thought she was hot? Why were women so fucking infuriating?

I raised my hand and pointed at her. "Oh no, no, no, no, you are not going to do that. You are Jasper's girlfriend. You are a void space; I am not allowed to look at you as a girl only as a space that takes up air."

Her eyes narrowed and she took a step forward. "Excuse me?"

I started shaking my head. I fucked up bad; this was not the right thing to say to any woman and she looked fucking pissed; her mouth had kind of disappeared. "No that's not what I meant; I'm just having trouble finding the right words." I looked away from her and stared at my shoes.

"Well I suggest you look harder." Why was she being such a bitch? I apologized the night it happened and I really meant it. Why was she being a woman?

So I decided to be honest with her. I decided that I was going to embarrass myself in front of a man I didn't know at all and a girl I knew very little. I was really irritated and didn't want to do this but knew I was going to. "What I am trying to say is yes I find you attractive but you are with Jasper and he is my friend so you are off limits because no matter how much I may have wanted you my friendship with Jazz means more."

I looked up at her. She was looking away from me with a look of guilt on her face. She rubbed the back of her neck and her face turned a brilliant shade of scarlet, I think I embarrassed her. "I'm gonna go out front. Are you ready or do you still need to finish reading?"

"I got about a page left." My voice was flat.

"Okay you know where to find me when you are done." She practically ran out of the room and I felt good that I embarrassed her; she deserved it for being such a bitch for no reason. Easton followed seconds later. I sat in the office and tried to calm down. I finished reading the last two papers took a deep breath and composed myself before I went up front to find Bella.

She was standing behind the counter flailing her arms around. When I finally reached them all of their backs were turned to me. "I'm finished reading." Bella didn't hear me coming and she screamed when I spoke. I smiled a little; she looked adorable when she was scared. "I'm sorry."

"That's okay." Her mood seemed to have changed quickly. Her eyes were vacant as she scanned the dining room. "Well I really can't train you considering we have no customers so I'll just show you where we keep everything." Victoria was approaching with her eyes burning into me. Bella looked over at me. "You've met Victoria, yeah?"

"Yeah we met briefly." I looked from Bella to Victoria as she passed. I stuck out my hand to shake hers. "Hey again."

Victoria stopped and slid her hand into mine and shook lightly; she had a quoi smile on her face. "Hey back." I think she wanted her voice to sound sexy but it kind of sounded like she had something stuck in her throat. She looked in Bella's direction and shrugged her shoulders. I shifted my eyes over to Bella and saw that she was shaking her head. I grinned at Bella's disapproval. Victoria removed her hand from mine and backed up slightly. "Well I'm gonna go." She pointed behind her and smiled. "Goodbye Edward."

"Goodbye." I smiled and turned back to Bella.

Victoria was beautiful but she was older than me and had a little bit of a pouched stomach which told me that she had children and that was something I didn't want to deal with.

We continued to stand in the same spot. Bella said nothing to me; she just stared past me and her mouth fell open and she narrowed her eyes and shook her head again. I knew it was because Victoria had leaned in and smelt me; I couldn't see her but I could fucking hear her. Easton did the same when he passed us seconds later. What the fuck was wrong with these people? I wasn't Brad Pitt.

Bella looked at me again. "So let me take you around the restaurant and I'll show you where everything is." I nodded. I was not excited about looking around the restaurant; I knew it was going to be as boring as fuck but I knew if I said something Bella would flip. Bella seemed to have a short fuse and she let little things bother her.

She talked a lot; for almost two hours. She stopped herself when she realized she was telling me who supplied the restaurant with napkins. This wasn't the worst thing she had done; she spent fifteen minutes telling me the ingredients of ketchup and its nutrition value.

She stood in front of me and looked around the dining room with a look of desperation on her face. Her face lit up and she looked at me. "Did Easton give you an apron?" I shook my head. She smiled. "Okay I'll go get you one." She darted out of the dining room and into the kitchen.

I was relieved; I sat down and rubbed my face with my hands. Being a waiter was fucking boring. I was thankful that Bella was training me though. Even though we had had our tiffs in the past she seemed like she was really trying to make the training interesting and when she ran out of things to talk about she would roll her eyes, sigh and crack her fingers until she thought of something to say. It was pretty cute; which concerned me. Cute wasn't good. Cute led to like which led to me being a shitty friend.

I raised my head when someone cleared their throat. I looked up and saw an elderly couple standing there waiting to be seated. I smiled and stood, "Hey would you mind waiting one moment while I go get the waitress. Thanks." I bolted to the kitchen. I had no idea what to do. Bella had talked about everything other than how to do my job.

I met her in the servery. "There's people here."

She smiled and her eyes widened. "Wow, we're actually going to make money tonight. Here." She handed me the apron and I tried it around my waist. I wrapped the strings once around my waist and tied it in a bow in the front. I raised my hand to my mouth and rubbed my lip that was dry and bothering me; then I looked up at her.

Her brow was furrowed and she wasn't really looking at me, it was more like she was looking through me. She was shaking her head saying no over and over again. She was backing up from me and her hand was straight and she was cutting the air with it. What the fuck was she doing? "No, what?" I knew I was looking at her like she was a mental case and that's because she was acting like one.

She snapped out of whatever trance she was in and just stared at me, opening and closing her mouth, scoffing every so often. She was turning red and then started looking at me like I was crazy and then her face was emotionless. "We have to go serve these people." She made a gesture with her arm that suggested that I follow.

It got pretty busy which I'm sure Bella wasn't expecting. I watched her and figured that being a waiter wasn't that hard if you could remember shit and balance stuff on a tray which I could do. Bella on the other hand could not and I was trying to figure out why she got into this profession and why Easton hadn't fired her yet. She asked me to take a few tables and I did a pretty good job considering I knew nothing and I made forty eight more dollars in tips than her which pissed her off. I thanked God that I was good looking and unbelievably charming when I wanted to be.

At ten we locked the door. Bella collapsed into a booth and I did the same. She looked at me. "So what do you think?"

I shrugged. "It wasn't bad; I think I could do it a couple days a week." I looked at the plates in front of me and felt my stomach howl. There was a piece of untouched bread so I picked it up and bit into it.

When I looked at Bella her mouth had fallen open in shock and she start to grin. "Are you eating bread off some stranger's plate?"

"I'm hungry." I stated simply and smiled this weird crooked smile that only came out when I was comfortable with my surroundings and the people I was with.

And then she did something I had never seen her do. She laughed. A real laugh; a laugh that came from her belly and it lit up her entire face. She glowed with laughter and it looked good on her. "You can just order something. Easton's pretty cool with letting us eat for free."

Sweet.

"Really?" I got up and rushed over to the computer and looked up at her. I was so excited I was shaking. Getting free food was up there with some of my favourite things. "What do you want?"

She seemed to be really considering this. Her brow knitted together and she pursued her lips and then she looked up at me and smiled. "Fettuccini, it's a pasta kind of night."

I nodded and looked down at the computer and concentrated on what I was doing. I kept raising my head and stealing glimpses of Bella who was staring off into space. She wasn't the girl I thought she was. She was kind of funny and awkward and neurotic and strangely intelligent. She tried to put up a tough exterior but she was really a big old softy that I bet loved romantic movies, and cried at human interest stories and wanted to get married and have ten thousand babies even if she wouldn't admit it. She was someone I wanted to get to know better. I wanted to be her friend because we really couldn't be anything more than that.

She was standing beside me when I broke out of daze I was in. "So while we wait for food we clean and you get to do most of it cause I hate cleaning." She walked into the kitchen and gathered a bunch of cleaning supplies from under the sink and handed them to me. "This is also about the time that we change the music cause by this point in the night this top 40 pop shit is making me want to kill myself." She walked over to the c.d, player and grabbed one of the many c.d.'s sitting there and stuck it in the player.

I was not looking forward to what I was about to hear. She called the music that played on the Top 40 shit so I ruled out all pop and hip hop which led me to believe that we were about to listen to angst ridden teenagers screaming into microphones and playing their guitars mathematically. "So what angst ridden, emo, slit your wrists, power guitar bull shit are we going to be listening to tonight?" I took the rubber gloves she had given me and put them on like I was a doctor about to perform surgery; I was trying to snap them like latex gloves but it wasn't working.

She raised one eyebrow and smiled playfully. "Ye of little faith." Her voice was almost seductive. What the hell were we about to listen to? She pushed play and _Children of the Revolution_ by _T-Rex_ started to play. I couldn't believe she was listening to _this_ song; to _T-Rex_; no one knew who _T-Rex_ was other than me and my friends and any glam rockers that grew up in the 70's and all those people were almost forty years older than me. How the hell did she hear this song? I was shocked and intrigued. She left the servery and walked into the dining room; I collected all the cleaning supplies and followed her.

She was bent over a table cleaning it and my eyes wandered to her ass. It was a good shape and stuck out just a little kind of like a JLo booty but not as big; it suited her body. I forced my eyes back up to her face and smacked myself mentally for ogling her like that. "How do you know this song?" I honestly wanted to know; I had never met anyone that knew who _T-Rex _was before I forced it on them.

"I heard it one day and I liked it so I put it on a c.d. and then I heard more and more by them and became a fan." She was organizing the objects on the table she had just cleaned.

"But I don't understand how did you hear it?" I wanted to know everything. How old she was when she first heard it, who made her listen to it, if she knew anything else by them. I loved music and if I found anyone that had the same weird taste I did I latched on.

She stopped cleaning and placed her hands on her hips; she looked irritated. "What? What do you mean how did I hear it? I used my ears; I heard music so I listened. They are a popular band; you know in public domain, they aren't some sort of secret." She went back to her cleaning. I don't think she understood how rare it was to find someone like her. Someone that listened to music that was made before they were born and not just hits that had been past down; actually music.

"Yeah but nobody our age knows who they are. When I say I love _T-Rex_ people think I love listening to dinosaurs and have some sort of mental disability." This actually happened to me once. I was at a party and I was hitting on this leggy brunette whose name may have been Danielle and she asked me what kind of music I liked. I told her I liked glam rock and _T-Rex_. She seemed a little put off but got up and started looking through the movies that the person who was throwing the party had. She took one from the shelf and put it in and skipped a few scenes. I immediately recognized the movie as _Jurassic Park_ and it was the scene when the T-Rex attacks the kids in the car and every time the dinosaur would roar she would rub the inside of my thigh and say, 'Does that turn you on baby?' I tried to explain to her that _T-Rex_ was a band but this was beyond her mental capacity. I excused myself and found Jasper and Alice and told them what was happening which they found highly amusing and when I returned from the bathroom I found Danielle talking to both of them. As I sat down I shot Jasper and Alice looks of death while they smiled villainously back at me. They told this girl I had a mental disability where I heard sounds differently than most people called Pretendenitus. For the rest of the night the girl kept kissing my ears and telling me that her love would heal me; all because I loved a band that was famous thirty years ago.

She looked at me and then made her way over to the bathrooms. I followed her until she stopped by the doors she turned; I stood in front of her still holding all the cleaning supplies waiting for her to say something. "Well I bet you're glad you picked the restaurant where _T-Rex_ is pretty much the standard." She gave me this wired little grin; her chin jutted out and her mouth disappeared and then she pointed at both of the doors. "Do you feel more comfortable in the men's or ladies washroom?"

"Ladies." I had never been in a public ladies washroom before which I found weird. I had been in women's locker and change rooms before and even in those one person women's bathroom with a lock on the door but never a women's washroom with stalls.

"Okay." She pushed open the door and told me how to clean the bathroom. I was relieved that she didn't make me clean anything in front of her because I really had no desire to clean a toilet in front of her. It was pretty easy just time consuming and boring like everything else this job entailed but I was enjoying the music. There were speakers in the bathroom that were hooked to the player in the servery.

The mix was mainly 60's and 70's; _Roxy Music_, _Elton John_, _The Beatles_ and _David Bowie_. There was also some modern stuff; _Ben Folds_, _Aqualung_ and this dance shit by the _Scissor Sisters_ that I hated at first but actually started to warm up to after a while and I actually caught myself dancing to it more than once.

Bella was my musical soul mate which I was ecstatic about but equally disturbed by.

I finished cleaning and gathered up all the supplies and walked out into the dining room. I froze; I stood completely stunned at what I saw. Bella was dancing and singing to _ABC_ by _The Jackson 5_ while she vacuumed. No dancing wasn't the right word; she kind of had her feet together and her legs were bowed out and she was shaking them around. She was bent over and she was shaking her ass and her head and her chest was heaving. I couldn't believe that she was managing to do this with her body; it looked like every part of her body was having its own independent seizure.

I placed all the supplies on a table and walked up to her; I couldn't help but laugh; she looked ridiculous. She turned and her whole body went rigid and her eyes were wide. She let out a scream which was deafening and started hitting me with the vacuum tube. I raised my arms to protect myself. "Fucking stop hitting me; fuck Bella stop."

She finally stopped and walked past me to turn off the vacuum. "Fuck Edward! What the fuck are you doing?"

"I finished cleaning. I was coming to ask you what to do next but you were, uh." I couldn't stop laughing and my smile kept growing wider and wider cracking my lips further. I wish I had chap stick. "You were dancing and singing, I think, if you could call it that." I had to wipe away tears that were starting to form. The dancing wasn't what was funny anymore it was how angry she was getting and the angrier she got the harder I laughed.

She didn't like that I was laughing at her and her face got really hard and she locked her jaw and stepped forward and smacked me in the chest. A little flimsy girl slap on the chest. I couldn't believe she did it; it was the most cliché girl thing I had ever seen a girl do and it made me laugh harder, she was so mad. "Don't fucking do that. You don't just come up behind someone like that. Goddamn. What if I had a knife in my hand?"

What? I stopped laughing and thought about what she said. Why would she have a knife in her hand while she was vacuuming. I shrugged my shoulders and shook my head and tried to answer the best I could. "You'd be stabbing the floor? I'm sorry I don't understand the question." She was so embarrassed and her face was so red.

Easton came out of the kitchen looking panicked and frightened, he ran up to us. "I heard screaming is everything okay?"

We both ignored him. "Edward if I had a knife in my hand you would have multiple stab wounds to your chest, ass clown." She was poking me in the chest with my index finger. She had moved really close to me and I watched as my breath blew her hair back when I let out a laugh. I realized that she had changed and was now only wearing a tank top and dress pants and I let my eyes wander over arms were bare. The neckline of the shirt was low and tiniest amount of cleavage was showing. I was telling myself to focus and think about what she was saying but her scent was clouding my thoughts. She smelt like lavender and lilac and a little like strawberries. I wanted to lean in and breathe in the scent right off her skin but I knew I couldn't; it wasn't time to get day dreamy it was time to be an ass.

"Whoa, no need for name calling just because I caught you doing something embarrassing." I let a shit eating grin spread across my face but I wiped it off my face and replaced it with the crooked one; she seemed to be happier when I smiled like this and I didn't like seeing her upset even though that's all I seemed to make her. She turned her head away from me and looked like she was ashamed of something and then took a step back.

"What did you catch her doing?" Easton took a step closer to me, smiling and crossing his arms. Could he be any more obvious? Seriously dude nothing is going to happen here. But I looked over at him with a smug look on my face and said, "I caught her dancing."

His eyes lit up and he started laughing. "Oh man what was it like? She's got a few moves that are amazing."

Bella looked confused, embarrassed and slightly hysteric. When she spoke her voice was high and pitchy. "What? What are you talking about you've never seen me dance."

"Oh Bella you dance all the time you just don't realize you're doing it." He smiled and turned back to me and did this thing that was pretty close to what I caught Bella doing but he was better at it; he had more rhythm than she did and it actually look kind of good. I joined him bowing out my legs and letting my body flail every which way trying to catch glimpses of Bella and gauge how she was taking it. She wasn't taking it well.

Her whole body tensed with angry; her hands were tiny balls at her sides. She was fucking pissed off and I knew I was about to feel the wrath of a woman scorned. "Fuck you both." That wasn't so bad. She turned and pulled the vacuum along with her putting it in its proper cupboard. She walked into the kitchen and I looked at Easton who promptly turned and followed her; I did the same.

I stood at the entrance of the servery knowing that if I said anything I was just going to make things much worse so I kept my mouth shut and let Easton do the talking."Oh Bella come on we're sorry it's just funny. Don't be mad." Easton went over and rubbed her back.

She turned and looked at him; she was mad. I think she may have been a little embarrassed as well; we did make fun of her and I was starting to feel really guilty about it. The she just started speaking completely and total gibberish. "Yes I'm going to be mad. I am mad and embarrassed. Embarrassed and mad. It's my right to be mad, I'm an American I know my rights." Then she went back to cleaning the machine.

Easton was confused and so was I. He looked over at me like I would have the answers but I just looked at him and shrugged. He looked down at her as she furiously cleaned the machine. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

She turned to look at him. "I don't know because I am mad and embarrassed. Now go and count money I want to leave." She waved her hand in the air to dismiss him and then pointed at me. "And you go make sure the milk hasn't expired." She turned back to the machine that was clean and kept cleaning it. I went and did exactly what she told me to and didn't speak to her for the rest of the night unless I had to ask her what to do next.

When we were all finished I got changed and grabbed my food. Bella had already left and was waiting in the parking lot for her ride. I waited for Easton to do his finally sweep of the restaurant and then we exited together. He locked the door and said goodbye to both of us and then left. I had to wait for Jake to come and get me; I lent him my Volvo because he had a date.

We sat down on the curb in front of the restaurant not saying anything to each other. I finally broke the silence when I had enough of her immature behavior. "I think you blowing this way out of proportion. I didn't mean to offend you it was just funny."

She looked at me and she seemed to be fighting with her emotions. Her face would go from sympathetic to angry to frustration and then she looked away from me and stared at her shoes. "This would be strike three Cullen."

This is fucking ridiculous. Why is she acting like an infant? I knew that arguing with her would get us no where so I decided to just apologize even though I hadn't really done anything wrong and had spent almost every moment I had know this girl apologizing to her for stupid shit that didn't matter. "Bella, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I embarrassed you and that I woke up that one time and I'm sorry about the time I thought you were a hooker." I sighed. "And I'd really like if we could start again." I paused; this starting over shit worked on everybody and I did it a lot. "So I'm Edward."

I stuck my hand out hoping that it was in her view. She did nothing and for about thirty seconds and I sat there like an idiot with my hand hanging in the air. She closed her eyes and sighed. I smiled; I had won. She raised her hand and slid it into mine. "I'm Bella."

"It's nice to meet you Bella." I moved closer to her. I stuck my legs straight out in front of me. She looked at me and smiled and let out a laugh. "It's nice to meet you too Edward." Then she looked at me with the cutest little sneer. "And all this let's start over shit, really cliché and it's the second time you've pulled it." I chuckled. "Yeah well it worked didn't it."

She weighed what I said and she laughed again. Her phone vibrated and she read the text message; her face was hard. "Fuckity fuck."

I looked in the direction of the phone. "What?"

She seemed to hesitate before she told me. "Rosalie's drunk and can't pick me up."

"I can give you a ride." I answered immediately; I practically jumped on her words.

"Thanks I appreciate it." She gave me this darling half smile and then focused her attention on her phone.

"No problem."

We sat in silence long after she put her phone away. She finally looked over at me. "How was the ride back with Jasper?"

I moved my head from side to side. "It was good; it was a lot of fun to catch up you know?" I looked at her hoping she would know what I was talking about. I don't know why I did it; I just wanted her to validate me in some way. She nodded. "But he's different and his moods change so suddenly, it's almost violent." I hoped that she could tell me something. She spent more time with Jasper than I did lately and I wanted to know if his behaviour had to do with something other than Alice.

She turned her body towards me. "Did something happen on the ride back cause Jasper wouldn't return my calls all week and then he showed up at my apartment at like two in the morning fucking annihilated and…" She trailed off looking at her fingers as she twiddled them. "And I don't know what to do. He won't tell me what's wrong."

Shit. It was Alice and it was clear that he hadn't told her anything about it. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. She was going to want to know and I wasn't going to tell her. I couldn't look at her because I knew if I did I would tell her.

She leaned forward and tried to meet my eye line. "You know why he's like this don't you?" She seemed really excited and kept trying to meet my eye line which was getting fucking annoying. I finally looked at her and nodded.

"Well why? Tell me." She sounded very demanding. Just then Jacob pulled up in the Volvo and I bolted to the car. Bella hopped in the back and I prayed that there wouldn't be any more questions. There wasn't.

I looked over at Jacob. "How was the date man?"

He looked over at me. "I'm picking your ass up at eleven. How do you think it went?" He shook his head and paid attention to the road occasionally looking back at Bella until his curiosity finally got the best of him. "Okay I don't mean to be rude but what are you doing here Bella?"

She laughed. "Uh I work with Edward; Rosalie is drunk and can't pick me up." He nodded and Bella grabbed both of our seat and pulled herself forward. I was flooded with her scent and I inhaled it greedily. "Could you drop me off at a bar called Twilight, I'll give you directions."

"I know where it is." Jacob was blunt and still upset about his date. She sat back in her seat and I looked over at Jacob and shook my head. Jacob was the type of guy that cared about something really intensely for like ten minutes and then got over it and totally forgot about it. His anger about his date would be gone by the time we dropped Bella off.

Jake pulled up to the bar. Bella jumped out of the car and came up to my door; I unrolled my window. "You guys are welcome to come in and have a drink with us."

I wanted to but I had school the next day. I opened my mouth to tell her this when Jacob leaned over me. "Edward has to get back to the dorm to see his girlfriend."

Dickface. Why would he do this? I had no problem letting people know I had a girlfriend, if that's what Ashley was, I just didn't want Bella to know I had a girlfriend and I knew this was a bad thing. I was mad at Jacob but madder at myself. I looked over at Jake and shot him a look of death and his eyes widened in fear. I looked back at Bella "Sorry my classes start tomorrow."

"That's cool maybe some other time. Thanks for the ride and sorry about all my drama queen bullshit earlier I'm just having an off day." She was being so nice. Maybe she was bi-polar.

I was still mad at Jake and couldn't force myself to act convincingly happy. "That's fine. I'll see you later Bella." I smiled quickly.

"Yeah see you later. Later Jake." She turned and walked toward the bar while we started to back up. I looked up and saw that Bella was running back to the car. I told Jake to stop and unrolled the window again. She was a little out breath. "Sorry. Hi. Um next Saturday Rosalie and I are having a house warming slash birthday party and it would be cool if you both could make it."

I was excited that she invited me to something social but I tried to play it off as cool as I could. I nodded and looked at Jake who was nodding too. "Yeah that would be cool." I smiled.

"Give me your phone I put my number in it." I gave her my phone and she programmed her number into it. "So just text me whenever. I'll give you directions and you know, bring your girlfriend." She was just standing there nodding; it was kind of awkward.

I didn't like the fact she was talking about Ashley. I wanted to keep them separate. "Yeah we'll definitely be there. Whose birthday is it?"

She smiled and went red; even in the dark I could tell. "Uh mine." She laughed a little.

"Oh well happy birthday." I sounded surprised. I don't know why I sounded surprised. I knew that she had to have a birthday she just seemed like the type of girl that didn't like to celebrate herself in any way.

"Thanks." She paused. "So bye again." She started backing away from the car.

"Yeah bye." I rolled up the window and looked away from her as she stood there watching us go.

I looked over at Jake who was grinning like an idiot. "What are you so happy about?"

"You totally love her." He started chuckling. Then he put on this high girly voice and pretended to be me. "Uh yeah Bella I totally want to come to your birthday cause I love you." He kept laughing.

"Fuck you man I don't like her." Stupid Jacob. I don't like Bella Swan. I don't. I won't. I can't. Bella is my friend and I want to go to her birthday. Fuck you Jacob Black.

"You like her man, you don't know it yet but you do." He turned into our parking lot and parked in our parking spot. He looked at me. "And it sucks cause she's one of your best friends girlfriends."

We got out of the car. "Thanks dude. Nothing gets past you."

I said nothing to him as we headed up to our dorm. He sang the 'Edward and Bella sitting in a tree' song as many times as her could before I punched him in the arm. I fell into my bed and tried to drown out Jake as he started naming the three children me and Bella were eventually going to have. He went on and on until I fell asleep telling myself I wasn't falling for Bella Swan.

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**I only have one comment. I know I created his personality but I love Jacob. I kill myself laughing at all of his parts. I also think that I am this comical genius. Okay I hoped you liked it hopefully chapter 5 will be up in a couple of days and by a couple I mean like 6.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I'm sure you've all realized that I am crazy about music and like to throw it in and talk about it a lot. I suggest you download the songs I mention cause they kick ass. Crazy angst and drama in this chapter. I'm really nervous this is the first chapter I've written where more than three people are going to read it when I post it. Pressure. Hope y'all like it. **

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**BPOV**

I woke up early the day of the party. I wanted to make sure the apartment was clean. It was; I had been cleaning it all week in anticipation for my party that I was way too excited for. I also got started on something I loved doing but rarely did because I was lazy or didn't have enough time to do. I was cooking today. I was making finger foods and chili and an array of baked goods. I had no idea why I wanted to cook I just did and it was my party and I'd bake if I wanted to.

I was also anxious to see how Jasper would behave at this party. This would be the first social event that he would have to attend since he had stopped drinking. I had seen him three times in the past week. Twice he came over for dinner and then we went to the movies. He was different; really different and not in a good way. He was way more with drawn than he ever had been and didn't talk about anything of importance or value; he just made comments about the weather or the new episode of _CSI._ And he rarely touched me; just a kiss at the beginning of the 'date' and a kiss just before he left and he wouldn't stay over; he always had to go home. I tried to think of a time Jasper and I were together when he wasn't drunk or high and I couldn't think of one. He didn't want to touch me unless he was fucked up.

I knew this was the beginning of the end. I knew that Jasper and I weren't going to last much longer but I didn't have the guts to break it off. He was going through some heavy shit and he was trying to get better and he needed a group of support to do that.

I was also beginning to suspect that the thing that was causing his problem was a woman. He couldn't touch me when he was sober because I wasn't the girl that broke his heart; the only girl that he would ever really love. He probably felt like he was cheating and got drunk so he could fill his needs guilt free or possibly to forget her. I tried to figure out how Edward fit into all this but couldn't because it was just a theory and it was probably wrong.

While I was cooking the phone rang. It was Charlie calling to wish me Happy Birthday."I know your birthday is tomorrow I just thought I'd call you today, you'll probably be nursing a pretty nasty hangover tomorrow eh kiddo?"

I stirred some chili powder into my chili and laughed. "Yeah most likely."

"I just wanted to get you when you were in the mood for talking." He sounded sad and I decided I was going to go home soon.

"Well thanks for calling Dad. I'm gonna come home soon, maybe some time next month." I checked on the cheesecake I was making myself.

"Well I look forward to having you. Have a fun time at your party." He paused. "Well, you know, I love you Bells."

A wave of emotion flooded through me and I fought back tears. My dad was never to good with expressing his emotions and I knew this was a big deal for him. I tried to compose myself but my voice was thick. "I love you too Dad." This was the first time in my entire life my father told me he loved me and I had said it back. I wished that he was with me so I could hug him.

"Ok well I'll talk to you, oh wait; I also got you a present. I mailed it yesterday so hopefully it gets there soon." He sounded a little bit happier.

"Thanks Dad." I was blinking trying to clear my eyes of the tears that filled them. "I'll talk to you later."

"Bye Bells."

"Bye." I hung up the phone and sat down on a stool and counted my breaths until I was normal again. I was happy; I did love my Dad and I was happy we had finally said it. I was happy that all the shit in our past was gone and we were now looking forward to the future.

Rosalie entered the kitchen. She looked at me and smiled gloriously. "Morning." She took out a mug and poured herself a cup of coffee while she hummed softly to herself. She turned to face me again still smiling then she looked concerned. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah I just finished talking to my Dad." I got up and started stirring the chili again, tasting it.

"Is he okay?"

I turned away from the chili to face her. "Yeah everything it great." I smiled so wide it hurt my face a little. Rose smiled back. "The chili smells great."

"Yeah? I don't know why I settled on chili I just felt like making chili."

"You can do whatever you want today." She dumped the rest of her coffee down the sink and put the cup in the dishwasher. "I'm gonna go out and get my hair done. Then I will pick up the booze and Emmett and Jazz. I'll be back at like nine." She started walking towards her room. "You can handle everything here right?"

"Yep I'll be fine." I turned and continued stirring my chili and removed my cake from the oven. When I turned Rose was standing right beside me. "Happy Birthday Bella." She kissed me on the cheek and ran to her room. I smiled. I loved Rose so much; she really was the best friend anyone could ask for.

Rose left and I continued to cook. I made ridiculous amounts of food that I was sure no one was going to eat. I cooked and cleaned most of the day and then watched _Sixteen Candles_; the movie I watched every year around my birthday.

At six I showered. I blow dried and straightened my hair and did my make-up the best I could. I thought I did a pretty good job; flawless skin, smoky eyes, red lips and rouged cheeks. I changed into these skin tight black pants that made things as simple as walking difficult but I looked great in them and decided that there was no better night to wear them than the night of 19th birthday party. I wore a blood red strapless shirt with an empire waist line and black stilettos pumps. Then poured myself a drink and waited for people to arrive.

By nine thirty almost everyone I had invited had arrived. I had a great mix of music playing and everyone was helping themselves to the food and chatting amongst themselves but Rosalie had yet to arrive so the party was lacking the one thing a great party needs; alcohol.

I spent most of my time texting Rose telling her to hurry; she wasn't texting me back and I was going mental. I had invited a few of the cooks from work, Eli, Taryn and Scott who had brought their own booze and were already drunk. Easton was having a great time talking to all the boys from Rose's interior design classes and a bunch of people from my classes had shown up and now I was trying to entertain about 35 people who were completely sober.

At ten thirty Rose came barreling through the door with multiple bags in her hands. Her face was hard and eyes looked like two sapphires as she stared at me from the kitchen. I should have moved towards her and asked her what was wrong but the only thing I could think of to say was "Rosalie's got the booze." Everyone made their way to the kitchen to start drinking while I made my way to the door.

Emmett came in first with more bags of liquor in his hands; he put them down. He looked slightly frightened; my face must have been severe. He put his hands up in front of me as if to caution me from something. "Bella I need you to remain calm. Jasper isn't feeling all that well."

"You mean he's drunk." I was trying not to get mad. I knew this was going to happen, I knew he couldn't stay sober forever, but I wasn't going to get mad, I couldn't, I wouldn't, I would absolutely not allow anger on my birthday; it was my birthday and being mad was the last thing I wanted to be.

"Well he's a little more than drunk." Emmett was nervous. I hated that he had to be in the middle; that he had to speak for Jasper because Jasper couldn't speak for himself. I crossed my arms and motioned for him to continue. "He's been doing coke all day."

I looked past Emmett and saw Jasper's stupid face peak around the corner of the door frame; he had this dopey grin on his face. "Hey, hey, hey." He came in and moved around Emmett and hugged me then took my face in his hands and shoved his tongue down my throat. He kissed me furiously and by the time the kiss was over I practically lying on our dining room table, my lips were raw, my face burned from his grip and I was gasping for air. He looked at me brushing the hair out of my face. "Don't be mad." He said slowly and seductively as he moved his hand down and started rubbing me in between my legs.

I looked at him; he was a good looking boy. I smiled. "I'm not mad." I ran my hands over his chest. He rubbed harder and faster, I leaned my head back and moaned. "But if you get to do whatever you want with no concern for me." I grabbed his hand and looked at him. "Then so do I and I want you to stay away from me for the rest of the night because I can barely look at you right now, not while you're like this." I lied; I was mad.

I pushed myself off the table and moved past him. I straightened out all my clothes and walked towards the door to greet Jacob, Edward and a girl I assumed was his girlfriend who had just walked in. "Hey guys I'm so glad you could make it."

They all said hello and Edward stepped forward with the girl. "Bella this is Ashley." She was pretty. Really pretty and a wave of jealousy flowed through me.

She stuck out her hand. "Hello. Happy Birthday." I took her hand and shook it. "Thank you." I looked at all of them. "Do you guys want a drink?" They all nodded and followed me into the kitchen.

I grabbed a bottle of vodka and some shot glasses. "I don't know about you guys but I'm doing shots."

Edward took off his jacket and stood beside me. He smelt fantastic; he was wearing some sort of cologne and it was mixing with his natural scent and it was sending waves of euphoria through me. "Yeah I'm in." He flashed his crooked grin my way; everyone else nodded and we sat around the island throwing back shots.

I loved drinking with people that had never drank with me before. Ashley was a light weight, she took about five shots before she had to stop and she needed a chaser after every one. I thought Jacob would be able to drink more given his size but he got to about nine shots and stopped. But Edward could drink; he kept up with me which was a huge deal because I could out drink most people. My ability to drink mass amounts of alcohol went against science and nature. I could drink a twenty-sixer of anything and not be sick, pass out or have a major hangover in the morning. I also remained pretty coherent and rarely forgot the things that I did. Given my size every time I drank I should have died from alcohol poisoning but I never did. If I had a superpower drinking mass amounts of alcohol would be it which I'm not in particularly proud of.

We ended up in my bedroom talking about music. Everyone was pretty drunk; we split a forty of vodka between us, me and Edward drinking most of it and then I had a mickey of rum to myself. "Okay Bella, okay what is your favorite _T-Rex_ song?" Edward asked me lazily licking his lips, he was lying on the ground and Ashley was sitting beside him swaying from side to side.

"Um, _Planet Queen_." I slowly lowered myself off my bed and sat with Jacob at the foot of it, resting my head on his shoulder. "Yours?"

"_20th Century Boy_."

"Nice. Favorite _Elton John_ song." I looked up at Jacob and started braiding his hair.

"_Amoreena_." He had started intertwining his hand with Ashley's. "Yours?"

"_My Father's Gun_."

"_Tumbleweed Connection_." He looked over at me and smiled; I smiled back.

Ashley stood and looked at all three of us. "This is boring, I'm gonna go mingle." Ashley bent over as Edward sat up; they kissed.

"Okay don't home with any cute boys." Said Edward. Ashley laughed and left the room.

On her way out Ashley passed a friend from my creative writing class, Nessie. "Hey everyone. Bella." She sat on the other side of me. "Happy Birthday babe." She gave me a kiss on the cheek.

Nessie was an amazon and she very beautiful. She was about six foot and curvy, she had long curly dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes. She had sharp, narrow features and light fluttery personality.

"Hey Ness." I put my arm around her and I looked at Edward. "Ness this is Edward Cullen."

He waved. "Hey."

"And this is Jacob Black." I took my hand and directed her head in his direction. Jake's eyes were wide and he had a goofy grin on his face. He was in love. "Hey. Hi. Hello." He said stammering a little.

"Guys this is Renesmee but we all call her Ness or Nessie cause Renesmee is to fucking hard to say." I smiled.

"Well you seem to pronounce it fine." She was looking past me at Jacob.

"I'm a freak of nature." I laughed.

"I just thought I come in and say hello. Great party by the way." She stood and head for the door. "It was nice to meet the both of you."

"Hey wait." Jacob stood and ran after her. She stopped and looked at him; he just stood there staring at her not saying anything. I looked over at Edward who had an uncomfortable pained look on his face. Jacob finally said something. "I want to talk to you about anything." Ness smiled. "Okay." Jacob smiled and they walked out of the room together.

Edward got up and came over and sat beside me. "Favorite _Billy Joel_ song."

"_Vienna_."

He looked over at me like I had to be kidding. "_Vienna_?"

I looked at him villainously through my lashes. "Yes _Vienna_. My dad is a huge _Billy Joel_ fan and every memory I have of him he is always playing _Billy Joel_ and he loved _Vienna_ so he played it a lot and anytime I was rushing around or acting fool or getting in way over my head he'd always say 'slow down you crazy child' and it's always been a really fond memory for me. So that's why _Vienna_ is my favorite _Billy Joel_ song." I had looked away from him; I was twiddling my fingers together.

I looked at him again. He was looking back at me; his eyes were heavy from the alcohol. He looked so good so in his basic navy blue t-shirt and black jeans and his hair was flopping every which way falling lazily in front of his eyes and I wanted him. I looked at his lips parting and coming together. I wanted to kiss him. Jasper can have his booze and his drugs. I wanted Edward; well at least his lips and I was drunk enough for this. He opened his mouth and words came out. "What's your favorite _Bowie_ song?"

I leaned in and kissed him; only lightly at first, a few quick pecks to see how he would react. At first he did nothing and then on the fifth peck he brought his hand up to my neck and kissed me back. We kissed innocently; I didn't want to push it, we were both in relationships and if we got caught it would be fun for no one. I pushed my body up against his and let my hands run over his chest and stomach; even through his shirt I could tell that he well built. I repositioned myself and threw one of my legs over him so I was straddling him; his free hand gripped my hip. After about a minute of playing it safe I decided to go for it and I slid my tongue out and traced it across his bottom lip. His breathing hitched and he separated from me breathing deeply. His eyes were moving back and forth franticly; his hand still on my neck. "I'm sorry Bella I can't do this." He shook his head and looked away from me. "Ashley."

Every one of his words was a hard slap in the face and they sobered me up instantly. I pushed myself off of him and brought my hands to my face and I started shaking my head. "I am so sorry." My words were all muffled.

"It's okay Bella, its fine." He touched my arm.

"No it's not. How could I be so stupid? I'm having trouble with Jasper and the alcohol and I took advantage of your intoxication. I am so, so sorry Edward." I still had my face in my hands. I was trying not to cry. I was so embarrassed and I was turning red. I can't believe that I did that. What is wrong with me?

"Bella, really it's fine. Your drunk, I'm drunk, shit happens don't worry about it." He had put his arm around me and was lightly rubbing his thumb against my arm.

I looked at him. I had managed to keep the tears at bay. He was smiling and I couldn't help but smile back. It should have been weird and awkward but it wasn't.

We both jumped when Ashley came into the room and he withdrew his arm immediately. She sat cross legged in front of us and she looked at me. "You have weird friends Bella."

"Yeah well I'm a little weird myself." I took a deep breath in and started playing with the ends of my hair.

She nodded, so did Edward. None of us said anything; we all just looked around the room trying to avoid eye contact. Then Ashley spoke. "When I was little I looked like a boy."

Edward and I both jerked our heads and looked in her direction. Edward let out a short burst of laughter. "What?"

She looked embarrassed and started yanking on the sleeves of her sweater. She shrugged. "I don't know. I say weird, random things when I'm uncomfortable."

Edward started laughing; I couldn't help but laugh along with him. We laughed a little longer than necessary but I was feeling uncomfortable again. Not because of him but because of Ashley; I was paranoid that she knew what had happened in this room moments before she reentered it. Ashley looked at us. "What were you guys doing before I came in here?"

I looked at Edward and he looked at Ashley. "We were still talking about music."

Ashley looked disappointed. "Really? Still."

"Yeah I was asking Bella what her favorite _Bowie_ song is." He looked at me.

Ashley smiled and bounced up and down. "Ooo my favorite is _Fame_."

Edward nodded approvingly. "Nice." He turned towards me. "And you Bells, what's your favorite _Bowie_ song?"

I rolled my eyes upward and made my face look like it was concentrating. Just as I opened my mouth to answer I heard Rosalie screaming my name. "BELLA! BELLA!" I stood quickly giving me head rush and making me feel a little sick. I ran out of my bedroom and looked at her in the kitchen. She was staring at me and she had a phone attached to her ear. "I'm fucking calling the cops Bella. I don't care if he is your boyfriend, he's a fucking lunatic."

I forced my eyes to where I knew Jasper was standing. His face was covered in blood. I ran up towards him; I wanted to rip him a new asshole for being such a burden on my existence but Emmett was putting himself in between us. I looked at his hands and saw that he was holding a butcher knife. "Jasper, Jasper what the fuck are you doing?"

"Living Bella just living." His eyes were rolling back in his head; he was so fucked up. The blood was dripping off his face and soaking his shirt. I was struggling to get past Emmett and I could hear Rose on the phone behind me. Everyone had gathered around the kitchen and in my peripheral I could see Edward.

The blood was pouring out of large cuts on both of his cheeks. "Jazz please put down the knife." I was trying to stick out my arm, I was trying to reach him but Emmett would not let me pass.

He shook his head and brought the knife to the top of his arm and cut a long winding line from his elbow to his hand. He didn't want to kill himself he just wanted to feel pain. He lowered his arm and let the blood drip off and puddle on the floor. His head lulled forward and then he looked up at me; he had started crying. "I'm sorry Bella. I'm not good enough for you. I'm not good enough for anyone. I certainly wasn't good enough for her."

Emmett looked back at me and took a step forward. "Hey man give me the knife. Give me the knife and we'll go to the hospital and we'll talk about this."

Jasper's eyes flashed with angry and he started swing the knife at Emmett. "Get the fuck away from me." He took two steps forward and we took three steps back. A few people started gasping. Jasper looked around and brought his hands to his ears and started shaking his head saying no repeatedly.

I just stood there staring at him knowing I couldn't help him no matter what I did. He was in so much pain and it infuriated me that I couldn't do anything. He stepped forward and Emmett pushed me back. Then Jasper broke out into a sprint and ran out of the apartment; Emmett used his arm to not only push me but Rose up against the counter as he passed. I was struggling to break free. I had to go talk to him. As badly as I wanted to kill him I had to know he was going to be alright.

I managed to squeeze out and I ran after him. I could hear people call out after me but I didn't stop. I exited the building; it was fucking freezing, it was so cold it was snowing. Jasper was standing in this round courtyard we had in front of our building, his back was to me and I could see a red puddle forming around where he stood. His other arm was cut and bleeding similar to his other cut on his other arm. He turned his arm and I saw a cut across his wrist; it was bleeding badly; he did want to kill himself. "Jasper!" I ran to him; I could hear sirens and I was thankful the cops were on their way. He turned only half of his body to look at me. His face looked so calm and serene; he was even smiling, genuinely, at me; he looked almost angelic even with the blood dripping of his face; the snow swirling around him almost cocooning him. He said my name and then collapsed. I dropped to my knees and rested his head on my thighs; I started smacking his face. "Jasper! Jasper!" I was sobbing my tears were falling on his face leaving trails through the blood. "Don't die, don't die, please don't die." He couldn't die, he couldn't. He was mine, regardless if I thought it was ending or I found myself kissing one of his friends or he made my life far more difficult that it had to be, he belonged to me and if he died he'd take a part of me with him.

I could hear someone running up behind me and then stopped. "Holy shit." It was Edward. His voice was barely a whisper.

I looked up at him I could barely speak I was crying so much. "Call an ambulance."

Edward's face was illuminated by the flashing lights coming from the cop cars that were pulling up to the building. He raised his head to look at them. "The cops are here." His voice was lifeless.

Two cops approached us. When they saw what was happening they called for an ambulance. They tried to part me from Jasper but I wouldn't leave him until the ambulance arrived. When it did they put him on a gurney and put him in the truck. I kept asking them if he was going to be okay but they wouldn't tell me anything and wouldn't allow me to travel to the hospital with him. After the ambulance was gone they took me upstairs and I changed and showered letting the water that may have been a little too hot unthaw my body and I rinsed all of Jasper's blood off of me. The cops questioned all our guests and then me once I was finished cleaning myself up.

One of the cops was nice enough to call the hospital to check on Jasper; he told me that Jasper was going to be fine but was going to need a few days of bed rest. They told me since he hurt no one other than himself and Rose didn't want to press charges that he wouldn't go to jail but a report would be drawn up and it would be added to his permanent file. They told me I could go visit him tomorrow when it was visiting hours. The cops were nice and they even wished me a Happy Birthday so I sent them home with most of the food that was left over.

Surprisingly almost everyone stayed and continued to drink and have fun. Rose asked me if I wanted them to leave but I told her no; if everyone was having a good time there was no point of kicking them out. Jasper's incident really only affected me.

I stood in the kitchen nursing a gin and tonic staring at the floor where Jasper's blood used to be and then I realized I couldn't handle this. I realized that I did love Jasper. I loved him; but I wasn't in love with him, my love was strictly platonic. I wanted to help him get over whatever made him this way. I would stay with him for as long as he needed me to and do whatever I could to help him through this. I had to get out of here, I had to be alone, I had to think this through. I placed my drink on the counter, got my jacket and hoped that no one saw me leave.

**EPOV**

What a fucked up night. What was Jasper thinking? I wanted to go but Ashley was having a conversation with Renesmee about _Dawson's Creek_. Jacob was sitting beside her and just kept saying Pacey over and over again in a goofy voice because he wanted to be a part of the conversation but knew nothing about _Dawson's Creek_. Renesmee would laugh every time he said it; he should hold on to this girl, no one thought Jake was funny.

I was sitting beside Ashley holding her hand thinking about Bella. I was thinking about her lips touching mine. The feeling of her tongue, the way her hands felt against my chest, the way her weight felt against my body. I told her it was okay that she kissed me. It wasn't. I had had a taste of her and I wanted more. I lied to Jacob that night we dropped her off I was developing feelings for her and the kiss had just stirred all those up. Why did I stop it? I'm so stupid. I looked at Ashley. "I'm gonna go take a walk."

She looked at me with concern. "Do you want me to come with you?"

I shook my head. "No stay here and finish your conversation." I kissed her on the head, grabbed my jacket and headed out front.

I stepped outside onto the steps of their apartment building. I took a long, deep breath in and let the cold September air fill my lungs. It had stopped snowing much to my relief and I took a cigarette out of my pocket and lit it. I was glad to be out of that apartment; I had my fill of drunk, highly emotional college students for the night and after Jazz's performance I just wanted to go home. I shoved my hands deep into my jacket pockets and looked around the front courtyard of their building.

Almost as if I knew she was there my gaze was immediately drawn to long brown hair sitting on a stone bench. She had her head down and her arms kept jerking and I assumed that he was playing with something in her hands.

I walked the nine steps it took to close the space between me and her and greeted her quietly in hopes not to scare her. "Hey."

She turned quickly with wide, red, puffy eyes and the brief look of fear was quickly replaced with relief. "Hey." She wiped her eyes and her nose with her sweater that was sticking out of her jacket.

I sat down and wrapped my jacket around me and wished it wasn't so fucking cold.

We sat in silence for a long time; long enough for me to smoke half a pack of cigarette and in that time we said nothing to each other. I listen to her breathe as tried to control her sobs. I spent most of the time looking around the courtyard or stared at the ground or our hands; I didn't want to see her cry. Finally she spoke.

"Why is he such a banana head?" she asked looking at me.

I looked over at her slowly feeling a large smile spreading across my face. "Banana head?"

"Yes. Banana head." She smiled quickly and then frowned again; she went back to picking at her sweater. "I mean like he's your friend right? You've know him years longer than I have, has he always been like this, did he always act out like this?"

She was looking at me her eyes shifting back and forth almost like she was reading my face waiting for it to give her an answer. I had to look away from her and lit another cigarette and inhaled in deep satisfaction like I had been denying myself this pleasure for days instead of minutes. I looked back at her and saw the tears welling at her eyes, not because she was sad but because she was angry. At that moment I realized that her entire body was tense and rigid and her hands were clenched in little fists. I knew I had to say something to her. "I have an idea but you aren't going to like it."

"Try me."

I took a long drag of the cigarette before I began and tried my best to clear my throat. "Jasper will never be as good as he was when he was with my sister Alice." I took another drag and tried to gage her reaction. She looked down at the ground and turned her head away from me nodding slowly. She wasn't mad anymore and the tension in her body seemed to have subsided, it looked like she was trying to make sense of what I said like she was applying it to something.

"I met Jasper the first day of high school. We had all the same classes and as fate would have it all are teachers sat us together in every class. So it didn't take very long for us to realize that we liked the same music and movies and books and sports etcetera, etcetera and we became fast friends." I smiled thinking about the first time I had met Jasper; he had this stupid bowl haircut that he said his mother had given him and that he hated it so at lunch we went into the bathroom and cut it all off and his mother grounded him for a week.

"And Alice being my twin wasn't in any of our classes to, you know, prevent fighting, so Jazz didn't meet her until a week after school started when I invited him over to our house." I took another drag and watched as her eyes follow it to my mouth. "Do you want one?" I asked reaching into my pocket for my smokes.

She looked away quickly and turned red, smiling, tucking her hair behind her ear. The way that she reacted I was sure that she was going to say no but then she nodded her head and I handed her one and lit it for her. She inhaled like someone that used to smoke but had quit, she exhaled in extreme euphoria and her eyes got lazy and I had to ask. "Did you used to smoke?"

She nodded looking at the cigarette lovingly. "Yeah in high school, I had this Jimmy Dean, rebel without a cause boyfriend and smoking was just so cool, but then my mom found out and threatened to send me to Forks if I didn't quit so I did."

"Was Forks really that unappealing to you?"

"Yes. Coming here meant living with my dad and I was absolutely not going to do that so I gave up my sinfully addictive habit." She looked up at me and smiled; her face was warm and comforting, it was friendly and it made me feel better that she was enjoying her time with me; that I could make her feel better after what happened. "But you were telling me about Jasper and Alice finish that story." She took another drag and I watched her lips pout as she blew out the smoke.

"So Jazz came over to my house and there was Alice playing Mario Brothers on this old Nitendo game system we had and he was gone, he was so infatuated with her right off the bat; it was like I didn't even exist anymore and he played video games with her until his mom showed up and literally dragged him out of our house. The next day they started dating, and it wasn't like one of those weird awkward I'm gonna get my friend to go up to you and see if you like me type things, Jazz just walked up to her and was like I want you to be my girlfriend. She of course felt the same way and that was it for the next four years they were inseparable." I took another drag and flicked the cigarette out into the courtyard.

She was enjoying the cigarette; she was taking in tiny inhales and holding them in like she was trying not to smoke it too fast. I quirked an eyebrow at her, she got a defensive look on her face. "What?"

"You know once you're done that cigarette you can have another one."

"I'm just enjoying it that's all and yes I would like another one." She held out her hand and I fished out the pack and handed her two and took one out for myself and lit it and jumped back into the story before she could ask me to.

"Something that you should know about Alice is that she's a dancer. She's been dancing her whole life, one of those I danced before I walked kind of dancers and she's good at it, like I don't know much about ballet but even I know that she's good. And without telling anyone she applied to Juilliard and she got in and two days after graduation she told Jasper that she was going to New York to study dance. And at this time Jazz thought that they were both going to the University of Washington so when she told him he was in shock that she went behind his back like that and made such a huge life choice without telling him."

Bella's eyes got wide and she scoffed. "Fuck that would piss me off too. Someone I loved and trusted like that just making plans like that without even telling me, that's a huge fuck you." She took the last pull of the cigarette and put it out on the ground beside her.

"But that wasn't even the problem, Jasper thought it was great, he was so happy that she got into such an acclaimed school for something that she loved so much and he wanted to come with her. He figured he would get a job and eventually apply to a school out there, but the thing was Alice didn't want him to come, she wanted to go out there by herself. She never really gave him a real reason why and she broke up with him and left the next day."

Heartbreak swept her face and she put another cigarette between her lips and turned her head to the lighter I already had waiting for her. "What did he do when she left?"

"For a long time nothing. He pretended like she never existed and then he stopped listening to music and watching movies and reading books or doing anything that might remind him of Alice. And then he started drinking like every day and acting out similar to but nowhere near as extreme as he did today and then he just cut out everything that reminded him of her, including me." I felt sadness welling in my chest and pushed it back not wanting this story to become a pity party.

"I'm sure she had her reasons for doing it, I don't really know I never thought to ask her, I haven't really talked to since it happened. But Bella-" her eyes were sad and I wished I could make them smile she looked so beautiful when she was happy. "I've never met two people so suited for each other. It was like they were meant for one another. I was even happy when they started dating; the idea of my best friend and my sister together was actually a warming, happy thought. They had a gravity when they were together and you were pulled in whether you noticed it or not and you always felt at ease when you were in their presence; and even though I loved hanging out with Jazz just on his own he was never quite as alive as he was when he was with her. And when she left she took everything that made him human with her. And now he's just an outer casing of a man that used to have purpose in his life and he's just going through the motions of being alive but he's not feeling anything, he's not really living." I shook my head. "And I know she is my family but I will never forgive Alice for what she did to him."

She sighed out deeply and just shook her head. "Wow, that fucking sucks." She paused and flicked the rest of her cigarette out into the courtyard. We were silent for a while again just looking out at the courtyard.

"I'm really glad you told me this." She said quietly playing with her sweater. "Every time I asked him anything about his past he would just give me these vague answers or just shut down for days; now it kinda makes sense, you know, for the most part I just thought he was an asshole."

I looked over at her and smiled. "Oh he is. That's just part of his charm."

She looked at me and laughed like she did the first night I worked at the restaurant; the laughter spread to her eyes. "That's the reason I'm with him, he got me with all his assholey charm." We both giggled for a little while longer and she stood up. "Thank you for this. It was nice. The conversing and cigarettes."

"Yeah it was, just don't mention anything I said to you here to Jazz it may not be for the best." I was looking up at her, unknowingly memorizing her smile.

"I'll keep it to myself. I'll send Jacob and Ashley down when I get up there and sorry again about the whole kissing thing. I was upset about a number of things and I wasn't thinking clearly."She was looking at her hands.

"Don't worry about it. I could have been anyone right?" Please say no, I want you to say no. You kissed me because you wanted to kiss me.

"Yeah right, good night Edward." She walked past me towards her building; I turned to watch her go.

"Good night Bella." I turned back to face the courtyard and lit another cigarette. "Happy Birthday." I said to quietly for her to hear.

"Oh yeah Edward." I turned to see her standing a couple of feet from her door. "My favorite _Bowie_ song is _Oh, You Pretty Things!_" She smiled and went into the building.

I turned back around and finished my cigarette with a smile on my face. Not long after that Ashley came down with Jake who was rambling on about Renesmee and how she was 'the still point of the turning world'. He talked about her hair and eyes and her nose and her mouth and her major and anything he possible could think of while we rode the bus back to campus and walked to our dorms. We sat in the back of the bus and I had my arm around Ashley while she slept against me.

Jacob talked a lot and I let my mind wander thinking about heart shaped faces and mahogany colored hair; the smell of lavender, lilac, strawberries and cigarettes, chocolate brown eyes and a slightly crooked mouths.

I was thinking about a girl with a dirty mouth and a low tolerance for human stupidity and arrogance. I was thinking about a girl who I could name but chose not to, a girl that didn't belong to me but to a friend I loved dearly. I was thinking about a girl I wanted to take in my arms, I was thinking about a girl whose hand I wanted to hold and lips I wanted to kiss again and again and again. I was thinking about a girl that I wanted but would never have.

After I made sure Ashley got into her dorm safely I crashed into my bed. I was tired, alcohol always made me that way. I told Jake that I was going to go to bed; he nodded and said that he was going to talk to Renesmee on line and was hoping for some internet loving. I put in my head phones and picked up my iPod and perused my albums until I found the one I was looking for. I scrolled to track two on _Hunky Dory_ and pressed play and hit repeat.

And it was then on that unusual September night, pretending to sleep in my dorm, listening to her favorite Bowie song; I realized that I was falling for Isabella Swan.

* * *

**Sorry if this was to over the top for you. Now I am going to bombard you with random thoughts. Yes Edward has very unusually smoking habits. He really isn't addicted but he likes doing it mainly when he has been drinking. I added cooks; cooks do work at the restaurant. I made Nessie tall. I want her to be tall because Jacob is tall. The whole cutting of the face thing actually happened to me; I was at a party and someone who was really drunk just started cutting the shit out of his face and arms except this guy didn't try to kill himself. I hope you enjoyed the angst and drama and the kiss. I had planned the kiss much later but I was like fuck it I'll do it now. I have also planned out the next 6 chapters so it's going somewhere I assure you all. I totally love the last line of this chapter and it was like one of the very first things I ever wrote. **

**I want to give a shout out to all my new readers. You have no idea how happy I am that you all decided that reading my story was a good idea. I have nothing but over flowing graditude and love for you all. **

**I also wanna give a shout out to AngstGoddess who I think has something to do with all these new readers so thank you a million times.**

**I also wanna give a shout out to Asher55 who has been with me since the beginning and I know this will make her happy. **

**Crazy love for everyone. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I just learned what A/N meant the other day; my gold star is in the mail. **

**Okay so remember when I said that I was going without a beta reader well I lied. I'm actively looking for one and if anyone wants to do it or knows someone that can do it PM me and I'll set things up so we can get this mother done. I finished this chapter today and didn't want to make you all wait while I went on my quest for a beta reader so this chapter like all the others before it is going to read like it was edited by my nine year old cousin. Hopefully, I have all my fingers and my toes crossed, by the time chapter seven goes up I will have found one. I want to make my story better for all of you so I am going to do everything I can do to make that happen. Thank you all so much for your patience. **

**Okay so this chapter has a little less angst then the chapter before it. It has a little bit of fluff and it's rather light. But I'm a dark person so you might find it way more angsty than I do. I hope you all like it. **

**And I suggest that if you never heard or haven't heard **_**I Need You Tonight**_** by **_**INXS**_** in awhile that you download it. It will help you understand the story better if you have heard the song the character is singing. I have left a youtube link to it in my profile. Sorry about this minor spoiler. **

**I'm also going to address something that was brought to my attention that I hadn't noticed. The drinking. I'm Canadian and I don't want to say that no one cares about underage drinking but it's really easy to get away with it up here, well at least it was for me. And I know that they live in America but I'm going to fudge a few facts.**

* * *

**BPOV**

I didn't go visit Jasper in the hospital. I couldn't force myself to do it. I wanted to go, I wanted to see him but I knew I wouldn't be able to look at him. I kept imagining what the cuts on his face would look like and how I would have to hold his hand and stare at the bandages around his wrists; a constant reminder of how much he hates his life. How nothing in his life is worth living for; not even me.

Two days after he was released he came to see me. It was 11:32 in the morning on a Thursday and I didn't have to do anything that day. I didn't have class or work and I planned on watching Will Ferrell movies while I sat around and made myself feel guilty for being such a coward.

He knocked so lightly on the door I barely heard it; I wouldn't of unless I was walking past it at that particular moment.

He stood on the other side of the door with his head down. Much to my relief he was wearing a long sleeved shirt and a jacket so I didn't have to see his mutilated arms. He looked up at me. He had bandages on his face. Again I was relieved that I didn't have to see his cuts. "Can I come in?" His voice was a slurred whisper; the way the bandages were on his face made it difficult for him to speak.

I moved and motioned for him to come in. He passed me quietly and took a seat on the far side of the couch. I sat on the other end. He looked around the apartment like he had never been here before; like he was seeing it for the first time.

We sat in silence for a long time and then he finally said something. "You look tired."

I gazed at him. Really? You mutilated yourself in my kitchen and then tried to kill yourself on my time and then you come into my home and tell me I look tired. Jasper you're really fucking good at not helping your cause. "Well I haven't been sleeping all that well lately." I started running my hands through my hair forcing myself to look him.

He nodded and looked up at me. "I'm sorry for what I did." I opened my mouth to speak but he shook his head and raised his hand to stop me. "I don't blame you for not coming to visit me, I wouldn't have come to visit me either so don't feel guilty cause I know that you are." He ran his hand through his hair. It was clean and he was in dire need of a haircut. "There is something wrong with me Bella and instead of dealing with it I just hoped it would go away." He paused and sighed deeply. "Clearly it didn't." He scratched around the bandages on his face and started to pick at them. "You're going to have to forgive me. Talking is really difficult with these on my face." He peeled them off.

He had cut himself deeper than I thought he had. He had stitches that started about an inch away from his mouth on both sides. One cut curved upward stopping at his temple and the one when across stopping at his ear. I gasped and brought a hand up to my mouth; tears welled in my eyes. "Jasper look at your face."

His was looking down at the floor lightly rubbing his chin. "I can't do this by myself that's obvious."

I moved closer to him and grabbed his hand. I was crying. "I'm here you just need to talk to me. You have to let me know what's going on."

"I want to Bella I really do but I can barely think about it. That's what all this drinking and cutting and trying kill myself was about. So I'm gonna go get help." He looked at me he had tears in his eyes. "I'm sick of feeling nothing and drinking myself to death. And when I do feel anything it's nothing but anger and sadness and animosity to the person who made me this way. Do you know what it's like to live like that?"

I shook my head my tears falling on our hands.

"So I'm leaving."

My head shot up. "What? What do you mean you're leaving? Leaving where? Leaving when?"

He brought his hand up to his eye and wiped away a tear. "My parents are paying for me to go to a rehab clinic just outside Forks. It's only for a month. Then I'll come back to school, have sponsor, go to meetings and see a shrink. I'll be back before Halloween." He moved closer to me. "I need to do this Bella and I understand if you want to break up with me."

I snapped at him. "Why do you do that? When things are shitty you think I want to break up with you." I wiped underneath me eyes. "I knew that you weren't really together when I started dating you and I knew that it was going to be difficult but I saw something in you and I still see it; it's there, it's barely there but it's there. It was something that made you special, something that made you great and maybe you forgot what it is or you just refuse to let it shine through cause you don't think you deserve to be the person you are and have the things you have but you do Jasper. And I don't care how long it takes you to get better or if you can never tell me why you do the things you do, I am going to be here for you and that's just that's just the way it is because that's what you do for the people you love."

"Bella." Tears were rolling down his cheeks; they were making his cuts all wet making them look far more grotesque than before.

I raised my hand to stop him from speaking. "I'm sorry I reacted so poorly when you told me you were leaving it was just a shock that's all. I'm glad you're going. I'm glad you are going to get better."

He took me and pushed my head to his chest. He manoeuvred me very carefully that his cuts never touched me. His hands stroked my hair and I was forced to look at the bandages that were poking out around the ends of his jackets. "I don't what I did to deserve you but it must have been something really good."

I laughed and parted from him. I took a long look at his face and brushed a stray piece of hair out of his eyes. He was good looking boy, even with the cuts that I knew were eventually going to scar him he was still one of the best looking men I had ever seen up close. I knew he had the interior to match it; he had just lost his way that's all. He could do this, he could get better and then we could work on this relationship. It could turn it into what it always should have been. I could love him proper and hopefully he could love me back. It didn't matter really just as long as he was in my life, friend, boyfriend, lover; I would take what I could get. "Are you leaving tomorrow?"

"No my parents are actually waiting for me outside. I'm leaving today." He stood and made his way towards the door.

I followed him. We stood at the door awkwardly. I crossed my arms and looked down at the floor lightly kicking one of my shoes. I looked up at him. He was staring at me trying his best to smile; the cuts made it difficult but it was a smile none the less and a real one too. I threw my arms around him. "I'm going to miss you so much."

He hugged me back squeezing tightly, he laughed. "It's only for a month and I'm gonna miss you too." He parted from me and brushed all the hair out of my eyes. "I'll call you the second I get there." He traced his index finger from my temple to my chin; he took my chin in between his thumb and index finger and pulled me in for a kiss. It was sweet and simple and said nothing but goodbye. This brought forth another wave of emotion and I began crying again. His eyes got sad. "Bella please don't cry."

I backed away from him shaking my head wiping under my eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm just being girly."

He smiled again; it looked so good on him even with the cuts. "Okay Bells I'll call you in a couple of hours." He leaned in and kissed me one last time before he walked out of the apartment and closed the door behind him.

I cried through the three Will Ferrell movies I watched that day. He did call about six hours later and I managed to compose myself for the fifteen minutes we spoke on the phone. I couldn't understand why I was so upset. Is this what love feels like? You feel the pain the one you love feels? I had never felt love for anyone other than my mother and father and even that love was tainted. I did love Rose but she was a girl and I knew it was strictly platonic. Am I confused because I should love him more than a friend but don't. Do I want to? A good girlfriend should love her boyfriend; I mean really love him.

Rose came in around seven with mass amounts of shopping bags in her hands. "Bella I got us a bottle of wine and a sappy chick flick. It's got Gerald Butler in it who is so fine." She drifted in to the kitchen and I heard the clinking of wine glasses. "I think like he dies in this and then Hilary Swank has to read letters or something, I don't know I didn't really read the back of the box, just saw the Gerald Butler part and was sold." She passed in front of me and put down the wine and the glasses and went to but the movie in the player. She made her way over to the couch in a hurry. "Bella what's wrong?"

I looked up at her. I was still crying; I couldn't believe it. I had been crying for almost eight hours. "He's gone." My voice was coarse and the words came out in pitchy squeaks.

She hugged me. She brought me to her chest and rocked me slightly. "It's okay he'll be back and things will be better." She knew what I meant when I said gone. He wasn't leaving forever, we were just handing him over to professionals for a reboot like a computer and when I got him back he'd be Jasper 2.0.

Rosalie held me till I passed out on the couch. My body ached from the heaving sobs I put it through all day. I prayed that tomorrow would be better and that this was all really for the best.

The next day was better but it didn't mean I was pleasant or even pretended to be happy. I went to my graphic novel class on Friday and called in sick to work on Saturday and slept the whole day. On Sunday Rose forced me out of the house and made my go to work which I did.

I cursed the weather when I left it was still freezing and it was a mix of snow, rain and ice falling from the sky. This had been the coldest September in Seattle's history.

I did nothing the entire time I was there. I rested my chin in my hands and my elbows on the counter and watched as cars and people passed out side. I did this for five hours till I was startled by Edward.

He came up behind me and brought his lips to my ear and in the lowest voice imaginable said, "Hey." He quickly backed away from me and walked over to my other side.

I shot up right and then returned to my original position when I realized it was just him. "Hey. What's up?"

"Nothing much how are you?" He started looking through a three day old news paper that was left on the counter.

"Not much." I scanned the street and held my breath as someone passed the restaurant. When they passed unscathed I started breathing again.

"How's Jazz?" I looked at him from the corner of my eye he looked concerned. His face was hard and his jaw was clenched making his jaw bone jut out in a way that was far to appealing.

"As good as one can be after one tries to kill themselves. He's gone off to rehab." The word rehab was a disgusting word for me to say. I had visions of Jasper telling his sob stories to Lindsay Lohan and Kirsten Dunst and it made me cringe.

Edward nodded. "Well that's good at least he is trying to get better." He threw the paper back on the counter. I felt bad for Edward. I knew that he wanted to be there for his friend but he knew that if he got involved he would just make everything worse. He moved his head close to mine as if he was trying to get my perspective. "What are you looking at?"

I smiled. "Easton asked me to salt the sidewalk which I did do but I left one patch completely unsalted and I've spent my whole day watching people fall."

He smiled that crooked grin and then laughed rubbing his fingers along his mouth. "How many people have fallen?"

"About twelve; no elderly people have walked by thankfully, I think I would feel pretty horrible about that but there is nothing quite like watching someone take a tumble." It really was the high point of my day. There was nothing like watching other people fall when you felt like you were down. In a strange way it made me feel less alone.

He nodded and mimicked my pose. It was a good twenty minutes before anyone passed; this person that passed was someone we knew, it was Jacob. He hit the patch of ice and went down like it was nobody's business. It was amazing. He was so tall and the way his limbs flailed everywhere was unbelievable. He stood up immediately and looked down at the patch of ice and started swearing at it. He looked up and saw Edward and me staring at him with our mouths open trying not to smile. He looked so surprise when he saw us and smiled the biggest smile I've ever seen, he waved at us and walked into the restaurant.

"Hey guys did you see me fall on that patch of ice? One of you should probably salt that." He pointed behind him towards the door and his smile got impossibly wider. I smiled; Jacob was so adorable I wanted to put him in my pocket.

I looked over at Edward. "Yeah one of us should probably do that." I grinned.

Jacob leaned over the counter and started playing with things and then looked up at me sympathetically. "How you doing? How's Jasper?"

I sighed. I only had one person ask me this question so far and I was sick of answering it. "Jazz will be fine and I'm okay."

"No you're not." I looked over at Edward who was looking at me like I was crazy.

I scoffed and looked back at him like he was crazy. I don't know why I did; he was right I wasn't okay but I didn't want to admit that to anyone, not really.

"Oh come on Bella your boyfriend just mutilated and tried to kill himself and now he is off to rehab and you're fine." He turned his whole body towards me and pointed at me. "You know what you should do? It will make you feel better." He was grinning.

"Don't say get drunk." I sighed out. I wasn't in any mood to get shit faced.

"Get drunk." He pronounced each word thoroughly while he smiled and nodded his head like his plan was the greatest plan in the world.

Jacob perked up and his eyes widened. "Yes."

"Guys I really don't think drinking is going to solve my problems." I started riffling through papers in hopes that they'd leave me alone.

Edward stepped towards me and took all the papers out of my hands. "Bella getting drunk is the only way to make you feel better. Alcohol is the starter and solution to all life's problems." His face was the most serious I had ever seen it.

"That's a stupid logic." I just wanted to stop talking about this. I could just push it out of my mind and forget about it till he came back. It was going to get better; it wasn't like Jasper died he just went to a clinic to get better.

"Okay why are you upset?" He crossed his arms.

"Because my boyfriend's in rehab." I crossed my arms and gave him an annoyed look.

"And why is he in rehab?"

I didn't answer right away. I knew where this was going. "Because he drinks too much."

"Therefore alcohol is the starter of your problem and the only solution is alcohol." He raised his eyebrows and smiled smugly.

"See how that works." Jacob was leaning over the counter with the same smug look on his face.

I was irritated now. Alcohol wasn't the starter of his problem Alice was. My stance became even more defensive and I pointed my finger at them. "So let me get this straight your plan to help me feel better about my suicidal, alcoholic boyfriend is to drink alcohol." I had a 'really' look on my face.

Both of their faces fell and they looked away from me; they both looked a little guilty. "I didn't really think of it that way." I looked between the two of them and both of their cheeks had gone the sweetest shade of pink.

I started to back up. "Well I'm done now so I'm gonna go and I'll talk to you both later." I turned.

"Bella you're not going to come out?" I turned back to look at him. He was standing there with a smile I had never seen. It was mischievous and really sexy; he was looking up at me through his lashes. I had to look away from him.

I smiled and looked up at Jacob so I wouldn't have to see Edward's face. "I guess I can't throw this pity party forever." I paused and then looked at him with that incredible smile. "I'll see you at Twilight at ten-thirty." His smile changed to the crooked one and he turned and high fived Jake.

I got changed and caught my bus back to my apartment. I went into my room and snuggled into my bed hoping I could get a nap in. I started counting my breaths praying that tonight would be fun and be exactly what I needed.

**EPOV**

Ten-thirty wouldn't come fast enough. I actually rushed my last table out so that I could get out of there. I cleaned everything half assed and got dressed. I told Easton I was done and met Jake at the bus stop a block away from where the restaurant was.

We waited a little longer than I would have liked for the bus and got to Twilight at ten-fifty.

There was only about forty people in the bar when we arrived. I scanned the room looking for someone I knew. It didn't take me long to locate Rosalie who stopped me as I made my way to the bar. "Hey there Edward!" She was so chipper and her smile made her already gorgeous face even more gorgeous. "How you feeling?"

"Great. Where's Bella?" I flagged down the bartender and ordered a pint of beer.

"Funny you should mention her." The bartender put two shots of vodka and in front of us and Rosalie winked at him. She picked up one shot and motioned for me to do the same. "Cheers." She brought the shot glass to her mouth and drank it quickly smacking the glass on the bar. I followed suit. She looked at me again. "Bella told me that you had an interesting conversation with her today about how she could feel better about Jasper leaving."

"Yeah? Is she drinking?" I started scanning the bar looking for her feeling a little more excited than I know I should have. The bartender put my drink in front of me.

"Bella is drunk. I have never seen Bella drunk before. I've seen her tipsy and flirting with drunk but never drunk. She had three shot of vodka and two forties of colt 45 at home and she's had four pints and three shot of vodka since she's been her." Rosalie was not impressed.

I tried not to laugh. I couldn't wait to see how Bella acted when she was drunk. _How Soon is Now_ by _The Smiths_ started playing and I finally located Bella standing with her back to me looking at the jukebox. She was running her fingers along the buttons slowly swaying her body to the music. Of course Bella chose this song. She was wearing stretchy pleather pants that looked like they were painted on her, black leather stiletto boots that came up to the mid of her calf an almost see through white t-shirt and this weird corset thing that made her look really skinny. Her hair was up in a ponytail and was set in loose curls.

She seemed to moving in slow motion or maybe I was slowing things down to look at her better. She looked over her shoulder and lazily raised her eyes to look at me. She smiled in a way that made her look dangerous and I found myself moving towards her without even noticing I was moving.

She turned and leaned against the jukebox. "Hello Edward." Her voice sounded alluring. She _was_ drunk; she kept closing her eyes and breathing in deeply like she was completely at peace. "You need a haircut." She leaned forward and ran her hand through my hair.

I moved closer to her so she wouldn't have to lean so far forward. "So you took my advice. You're getting a little silly?"

She was still fingering the ends of my hair and she nodded slowly and licked her lips slowly before she spoke. "Yep, drinking was a bad idea until it was a good idea." She smiled and stepped away from me sort of dancing as she did and then she pointed at me. "You were right. I feel better. I feel fine." She stopped and jerked her head quickly like she just remembered something. "Do you see these pants?" I looked down at her pants. "Rosalie dressed me tonight and these pants make my ass look amazing."

I couldn't help but agree with her. I nodded my head. "That they do."

She started swaying to the beat of the song. "I feel like dancing, you know?" She moved closer to me while she moved her hips slowly.

"I don't think you should dance in front of me. The last time you did I was beaten with a vacuum cleaner." I smiled and chugged half of my beer.

She doubled over in laughter and swayed around and almost fell but caught herself just in time. "Oh yeah that was a funny day." She kept laughing. "I need another drink." She kept moving closer to me still swaying those hips to the music that had changed into _Head over Heels_ by _Tears for Fears_ and it was mixing with a karaoke version of _Tiny Dancer_.

"You know what, how about we don't do that and go have a sit down." I said as I tried to push myself as far up against the jukebox as I could while she slowly pressed her body up against mine. She placed her hands on my chest and looked up at me through her lashes. "Do you want to dance with me Edward?"

Yes. I couldn't say yes and I knew that saying no would make her emotional. I couldn't come up with a response. I thanked God for Rosalie when she shouted Bella's name.

"Bella babe, why don't you come over here; I got you another drink." She motioned for Bella to come over. Bella pushed herself off of me and sauntered over to the table. I quickly followed.

I sat down and saw that Renesmee had arrived and was whispering something to Jake. Bella sat down across from me and beside Rosalie who was beside Emmett. Bella turned her attention to the large glass of water that was in front of her. She looked at it quizzically. "Rose I thought you said you got me a drink. This is a glass of water."

Rosalie started shaking her putting her arm around her. "No sweetie this is a new type of vodka Josh just got in. It's called Pure Water and it looks like water and taste like water but really its vodka. It goes down easier this way." Rosalie was looking at her like every word that just came out of her mouth was true.

"Really?" A huge smile spread across her face and she took the glass and started drinking. "This really tastes like water." She was so excited and drank to whole glass in about thirty seconds.

I looked at Rosalie. "Is that really vodka in there?" I asked pointing at the glass.

Rosalie looked at me like I was a moron and then smiled, leaned across the table. "Edward where is Ashley?"

I narrowed my eyes at her. "Asleep."

"I don't think she would appreciate, you know, you running around at night, in bars, getting pushed up against jukeboxes by a girl as pretty as Bella." She cocked an eyebrow at me and smiled smugly.

"I was helping her keep her balance." Fuck fuck shit fuck.

"Uh-huh." She nodded and narrowed her eyes at me sceptically. "I'm not buying it. I see you Cullen. You're not fooling anyone." She turned back to Bella and motioned to the glass. "Do you want another one babe?" Bella nodded and Rosalie got up to get her more water.

Fuck Rosalie and her hyper observant ways. It been just over a week and she knows that I have feelings for Bella; how obvious am I?

Bella's eyes widened and her head perked up. "I wanna sing karaoke."

"Can I pick your song?" I don't know why those were the first words out of my mouth but they were and I really did want to pick her song.

"Yes." She started nodding and her eyes narrowed in a way that made it seem that this was the best idea ever.

We both stood up and made our way up to the guy who was operating the machine. I was trying to think of the best song for her to sing. I didn't want it to be too difficult. I settled on _I Need You Tonight_ by _INXS._ Why I don't know but I figured it would be better entertaining to watch her sing it.

The karaoke guy handed Bella a microphone and I helped her onto the stage. I went back to the table and took a seat and ignored Rosalie who was shooting looks of death my way.

Bella brought the microphone up to her mouth. "Check, check. Testing 1, 2, 3. Okay microphone works." She looked over in our direction. "Hey everyone I'm Bella and I'm going to sing for you tonight. I'd like to say I'm sorry in advance." She turned towards the TV that was going to be showing the lyrics.

I didn't know what to expect. I had never heard Bella sing before. Well I sort of heard her before but it was difficult to hear over the vacuum cleaner.

The title of the song came on and she looked at me. "I love this song." She cracked her neck and started running up and down on the spot getting ready for the song; and then it started.

"_Come over here._" Bella started swaying her hips and looking around for something. She pointed and the karaoke guy passed her a microphone stand. She put the microphone on the stand and started dancing with the song. She was much better at the dancing since the last time I saw her. Maybe it was because she was dancing like someone was watching.

"_All you got is this moment/ The twenty-first century's yesterday/ You can care all you want/ Everybody does yeah thats okay."_

Everyone in the bar had stopped to watch Bella. She took the microphone of the stand and made her way off the stage and started dancing with people in the bar.

Her voice surprised me. It was a little pitchy but she was drunk as shit and that was to be expected. She sounded a little like if Fiona Apple and the leader singer of Heart were to have a child. It was kind of hard rock sound with a sweet, sad girly undertone.

I turned to Rosalie whose mouth was wide open. "Did you know she could sing like that?" Rosalie shook her head and continued to watch Bella owned everyone in the bar.

"_I need you tonight/cause I'm not sleeping/There's something about you girl"_ She pointed at some girl and turned her back to her pushed herself up against her and slide down. _"That makes me sweat."_

She stood up and made her way around the room sing to and dancing with everyone. I heard Rosalie scream out "Yeah." I turned to look at her and her, Emmett, Jake and Renesmee were all clapping and dancing along with her.

"_How do you feel/I'm lonely/What do you think/Can't take it all/Whatcha gonna do/Gonna live my life_"

She made her way over to our table and stepped up on her chair and then up onto the table. _"So slide over here/And give me a moment/Your moves are so raw/I've got to let you know/I've got to let you know/You're one of my kind."_ She danced all over the table and slowly lowered herself so she was resting on her haunches and pointed at Rosalie when she sung you're one of my kind.

She danced around the table until she was almost done the song. As she got to the last verse she stood in front of me. _"So slide over here/And give me a moment/Your moves are so raw/I've got to let you know/I've got to let you know"_ She sat down in front of me and put one foot on either side of me letting her feet rest on my chair and looked at me intensely as she sang the last line of the song. _"You're one of my kind." _She smiled and then swung one of her legs over me and headed back up to the stage.

She placed the microphone back in its stand and then curtsied. She earned herself a standing ovation as she stumbled gracefully off the stage and took her seat across from me. She chugged her glass of vodka water.

Everyone turned to look at her; Rosalie put her arm around her. "Bella that was amazing." Everyone at the table agreed.

Bella tried to brush it off as if it was no big deal, then her face got really serious. She had a look on her face that indicated that something had just gone wrong in her body. I leaned forward. "Bella are you okay?"

She looked up at me and then brought her hand to her mouth and shook her head. She got up and bolted to the bathroom and Rosalie followed. I looked over at Emmett who had turned his head to watch them go. He turned and looked at me. "We should probably get the tab then." I nodded and paid for half.

Jacob told me he was going home with Renesmee. "Yeah so don't wait up okay." He raised and lowered his eyebrows. "Wish me luck."

"Go Jacob." I said watching him leave. "He's gonna marry that girl." I said quietly to myself and smiled. I turned to see Rosalie and Bella coming out of the bathroom.

Rosalie looked at me. "Can you sit here will her while we wait for a cab?" I nodded and she transferred Bella's weight onto me. They went to go wait outside and I lowered us onto a bench. She rested next to me with her head against my chest.

After a couple of seconds I felt her head tilt up to look at me; I looked at her. "I vomited." She said very quietly.

"I'm sorry Bella I shouldn't have talked you into doing this." I felt really bad. She looked awful and smelt like vomit.

"It's not your fault. I'm glad I went out I was just wallowing in my own self pity all week and this is the hump. Tomorrow I'll be fine. Tomorrow the end of October will only seem like a couple of days away and he'll come back." She lulled her head around and was taking sharp, deep breaths in. Her eyes were closed and she still had her face pointed up at me.

I slowly brought my hand up and was lightly stroking her arm. "Bella is the fact that he's gone what's upsetting you cause feel like it's something else."

Her nostrils flared. "I know he's coming back. At first that's why I was upset that he had left and then I started thinking about what's going to happen when he comes back. He wouldn't touch me when he was sober. I'm afraid that when he comes back he won't want me." She was crying; tears were coming through her lashes and rolling down her cheeks. She opened her eyes and let the tears fall more freely. "And it doesn't make sense why I want him to want me. I love him." She stopped. Shit she loved him. That means I'm out. "I mean I love him like a friend or maybe it is real maybe that's why I'm so upset and I feel so confused but-" she stopped and closed her eyes again. "-but I feel this connection to him and I can't even explain it, he treats me like shit and I know it but I know I can't live without him." She started crying harder. "You must think I'm an idiot." She managed to say through her sobs.

I raised the hand that was rubbing her arm up and wiped away a tear. "I've never felt the way you do but I understand what you are saying." I wiped away another tear and went to press my lips to her forehead and decided that this was probably not a good idea so I turned my head away from her but not before I caught and whiff of her hair. Her hair smelt like strawberries and I told myself to hold onto that smell. God I'm a creeper.

I heard the door open and shut and then Rosalie's voice. "What the fuck did you do to her?"

"I didn't do anything to her, she started talking about Jasper and then she started crying." What the fuck did I do to Rosalie? There is no reason for her to dislike me. Bitch.

Rosalie leaned forward and grabbed Bella. "Come on Bells it's time to go home." I knew that Rosalie wasn't going to be able to carry Bella's dead weight so I stood up with Rosalie and helped carry her out to the cab. Bella's head hung forward as we carried her. Rosalie looked over at me. "Why did you let her talk about Jasper? Why didn't you stop her or change the subject?" She was looking at me like this was standard Jasper/Bella protocol.

I rolled my eyes and looked at her like she was crazy. "Because Bella is an adult and I am not her mother."

We got to the cab and I took Bella from Rosalie and swept her off her feet and placed her gently in the car. Rosalie was standing right behind me with a look that could have killed me. "You're an idiot and I don't like you." She stepped around me and got into the car.

I stood there confused with my arms out shrugging. "I don't understand you at all."

"That doesn't matter once Rosalie makes up her mind that's it." She shut the door and the cab drove away.

"What the fuck?" I said looking around the parking lot. Why was Rosalie referring to herself in the third person? Crazy bitch. I hauled my ass down to the nearest bus stop and made my way back to my dorm.

Jake wasn't there when I got in and it made me smile that he was finally getting some from a girl that was perfect for him. I contemplated going to see Ashley but I was way to fucking tired and I had class in the morning. I smoked a cigarette stripped down to my boxers and snuggled in to my cold, empty bed.

Jake woke me up the next morning. I moaned and hated him for a split second for waking me up and then remembered why he was coming home in the morning. I sat up and looked at him. He had the biggest smile on his face. "So dude how was your night?" I lit a cigarette.

"Awesome. Ness is amazing. I'm so glad I found her." He looked down at his hands his eyes all dreamy.

"You really like this girl, huh?"

"Yeah. Like when I'm with her and she talks I actually care about the things that she says. It's not just about sex." He looked up at me. "Which was awesome by the way." I smiled and he chuckled. "I want to be with her all the time. I want her to be my girlfriend."

Oh Jacob you sentimental, gooey, in the early stages of love, Hallmark loving bastard. He was so happy and it made it impossible for me to wipe the smile off my face. Jake's happiness radiated off of him and if you were in the room with Jake when he was happy you couldn't help but be happy to.

He looked at me. "Did Bella get home okay?"

I shrugged. "I think so. Rosalie took her home. Rosalie is crazy by the way. She hates me for no apparent reason."

"Yeah she's a funny one." He looked around the room and then back at me with a knowing look. "So you're pretty into Bella, huh?"

I sighed. I could lie and he could keep bothering me or I could just tell him the truth and he would probably leave me alone. "I have some feelings for her yes. Which means I am royally fucked."

Jacob nodded. "Yes you are. I think your situation officially makes you the mayor of Fuckedville." He gave me a sympathetic look. "I don't know what to tell you man." He paused. "Do you love her?" He looked really curious.

I scoffed. "No. That's ridiculous nobody falls in love after they've know each other for two weeks. That's like romance novel bullshit." It was true I wasn't in love with her. Yet. "But maybe one day." I sighed. Stupid Jacob making me talk about my feelings. I snuggled back into my bed and then shot up. "What time is it?"

Jake looked at the digital clock that I could have easily looked at. "Eleven-thirty."

"Mother balls." I jumped out of bed and put on my pants and threw on a shirt. I looked at Jacob who was staring at me like I was crazy. "I'm late for class."

I shoved my laptop into my bag and slung it over my shoulder. I was almost out the door when I heard my cell phone start ringing. I left it on my night table. Jake grabbed it and tossed it to me. It was Bella. "Hello."

"Hey it's Bella." She sounded great considering how much she drank the night before. "I'm blowing off my creative writing class to go see a movie do you want to come?"

I looked at Jake and dropped my bag. "Yes I do."

"Great meet me at my place in thirty minutes?"

"Yeah I'll see you then." She hung up the phone and so did I. Shit. This isn't good. I shouldn't be hanging out with her. It was all bad news bears.

"You're ditching class to do something with Bella aren't you?" Jacob was now lying in his bed playing with a stress ball.

"How did you know that?" I was curious. Did I talk a different way when I talked to Bella?

"Because I'm a wizard Edward." He looked at me. "And you've also put down your bag and I saw Bella's name when I passed you your phone. I'm just putting things together. And if I was you I wouldn't go you're only going to like her more." He paused. "But you're not going to listen to me are you?"

I shook my head. "No absolutely not. See you later dude." I left the dorm and made my way to a bus stop. He was right I shouldn't be hanging out with her anymore than I had to. I was setting myself up for heartache but I couldn't help myself.

**BPOV**

I wasn't as hung over as I'd thought I'd be. I was happy about that but really had no desire to do anything all day. I had a creative writing class at twelve but fuck that, there was no way I was going to class. But I knew I couldn't sit around here all day.

I couldn't do anything with Rose because she'd make me feel guilty about not going to class. I couldn't really call Jasper up and see if he was up for something. So I sat around my apartment feeling like a loser because I had no friends. And then I thought of Edward; he'd do something with me.

I called him and he agreed to meet with me. I was excited to see him. Once I decided that I wasn't going to hate Edward I always felt better when I was with him.

I went to the bathroom to make sure I looked okay. I dapped a little foundation around my eyes so I wouldn't look so tired and waited for him to arrive.

I knew this was the starting of our friendship. I knew that we were going to form a long lasting unbreakable bond. I don't know why I knew this I just did. I knew that I was going to see him everyday till Jasper came back and that he was going to help me through whatever happened when he came back. I could feel it and I knew that Edward Cullen was and forever would be a part of my life.

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**I'm going to answer a few questions that I have been getting quite frequently. **

**About chapter 4, a lot of people want to know why it is so repetitive. The reason I did this was because I thought it was important to see how Edward viewed the first time they spent any real time together. I also wanted to show how similar they are even though they think they are different; even some of their inner monologue is the same. **

**About Alice, Alice will come into the story but not for 5 to 6 more chapters but she will appear I promise.**

**When I was thanking a few people last time I said I thought that AngstGoddess had something to do with my surge of new readers, I don't think anymore I know she is the reason everyone is here so again thank you so much. I adore you with the fire of a thousand suns. **

**And I'd like to thank Tuesday Jane, Asher55 and ARenee363 for giving me some of the sweetest reviews ever. Thank you thank you.**

**And I'd also like to say how much I love everyone for reading my story and giving it such positive reviews. Thank you.**

**I sound like I'm accepting an Oscar or something. **

**I'm also going to be posting a list of music that I mentioned in the chapters or music that inspired me while I wrote the chapters on my profile if any of you are interested in the music I mention and want to hear it. **

**Christ could I have anymore notes.**

**Crazy love for everyone.**

**Reviews make me happier than finding Robert Pattinson in my bed. Well almost as happy as finding Robert Pattinson in my bed.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I went and got myself a beta reader. Her pen name is saranic and she is my gift from God. Everything should read a lot smoother now and not like I edited it. I'd like to thank her for helping me out and making my story that much better. This is her first time beta reading and I think she did an awesome job.**

**I'm super excited. I just bought Twilight and I'm all giddy. **

**This chapter is all EPOV, this chapter is informative and funny, well at least I think so. Enjoy.**

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**EPOV**

We went and saw _Tropic Thunder_. She slept through most of it. She had this sweet quiet little snore that would progressively get louder the longer she slept so I found myself turning her over the entire span of the movie. She was also talking. She kept saying things like 'no' or 'Jasper' and then a long sentence like 'Steve put the money in the bank.' I should have woken her up and told her we could leave and just chill at her place or something, but I really wanted to see this movie. I was a huge fan of Robert Downey Jr. and was willing to put up with the snoring and talking to write this theatre experience off as one of the most interesting I had ever had. Towards the end of the movie and during one of her mumbled dream rants she said my name. It startled me and caused me to look over at her thinking that she was awake, but when I realized she was still dreaming, I got a little giddy.

I lightly nudged her when the movie was over and she stirred slightly. I looked around the empty theatre and sighed. I shook her till she jolted underneath my hands.

She looked around the theatre with wide, scared eyes and ran her hands threw her hair. She rubbed her eyes and looked up at me. "Did I fall asleep?"

I grinned. "Yep."

"Oh God! I am so sorry. I guess I'm a little more hung over than I thought I was." She stood and put on her jacket.

"That's okay." She looked around the theatre and I stared at her. Please don't say you want to go home.

She looked at me and smiled. "Do you want to go get coffee or something?"

"Yes." Shit I answered too quickly.

"Great." I let her pass me first and she waited for me at the end of the aisle and linked her arm in with mine.

We walked this way all the way to this little café she knew of called Messengers. It was tiny and cozy and completely Bella's style. They served huge cups of coffee there for $1.05. "This is humungous." I said pointing at the cup.

"That's what she said." She grinned. "Sorry I spend too much time with Easton."

We ended up talking about our ex's. I let go first desperately wanting to know her history. "Um I've had three boyfriends in my entire life. My first one was when I was six, his name was Brad Stevens and we would play 90210 in his basement. He would be Dylan and I would be Brenda and we dated until Dylan and Brenda broke up on that show cause if they couldn't stay together how could we?" She sipped her coffee and got this cute little skewed smile on her face. "My next boyfriend I met when I was almost sixteen and we dated till I was almost eighteen. His name was Cliff Thomas and he was my first everything and I loved him intensely until I didn't anymore. We broke up a week before the end of senior year and then he was arrested for drug possession. Then he killed a guy when he was in prison and now he's in there for life." She sipped her coffee and looked away from me.

Holy shit. "Christ Bella." I finally took a drink of my coffee. It was really good.

"Well he didn't kill anyone when I was with him." She said very defensively.

"Not that you know of." I turned my head to the side and raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah I guess that's true." She paused and tilted her head and pointed upward. "I love this song."

I listened it was, _Werewolves of London_ by _Warren Zevon._ "I love it too."

Then she jumped right back into her story. "And then there's Jasper and that's it. That is my dating history."

"No one night hook-ups or anything?" I was a pervert.

"Nope not that type of girl, but I've made out with other guys obviously." She pointed at me and blushed.

The fact that she wasn't a slut comforted me and then I asked her a question that made me feel like a sleaze, but I wanted to know for future masturbation purposes. "Have you ever kissed a girl?"

She went even redder. "Yes. Only three though and they were all alcohol induced. Two girls in high school and Rose."

"Rose, Rose? Like Rosalie your roommate Rose?"

"Yep." She nodded.

I looked away from her and tried to picture what that would look like. It was beautiful.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Concocting a visual." I smiled mischievously and cocked an eyebrow.

"Ew." She threw a straw that was lying on the table at me and then looked around the café while I laughed. She looked back at me with a devilish grin on my face. "Well what about you, have you ever kissed a boy?"

I went red. I had, I had kissed a boy and not just any boy, her boy. I could answer any other question she had pronto, but the one that I should have answered immediately, I had trouble forming words for.

Her whole face lit up and she started laughing in disbelief. "No, no you did not. Who?"

I looked at her. "Jasper." Fuck my life. I was so embarrassed.

"Jasper Roberts? My Jasper?" She placed her hand on her chest.

"Yes, your Jasper." I was shredding a napkin in front of me into a million pieces.

"Oh my God. How? Tell me everything. Was it a dare? Girls kiss to get the attention of men; boys usually need a better excuse than that." She was so interested. Did guy on guy excite her? Apparently.

"In high school Jazz and I got really, really drunk on tequila one night and it was one of those I love you man, you're my best friend, I want to go up on a rooftop and tell everyone that I love you, Superbad kind of moments except we kissed."

"You just kissed, just one kiss?" Her eyebrow could have raised any higher even if she wanted it to.

I rolled my eyes and sighed. "We made out for ten minutes and then we kinda realized what we were doing, we both blamed it on the alcohol and promised we would never talk about it ever again and until this very moment I haven't." Fuck.

She just sat there grinning like an idiot. I rolled my eyes again. "What?"

"Just concocting a visual." She smiled and reached her hand across the table and rested on top of mine and in a super sympathetic voice said, "Don't worry Edward I don't think your gay, we all do stupid, silly things when we're drunk. Your secret is safe with me." Then she laughed her belly laugh. When she finally stopped laughing, wiping a tear away from her eye she looked at me and said, "Now tell my about the girls you've kissed."

I told her about the four girlfriends I had had in the nineteen years I had spent on this earth. My first was Pippy Langdon, not a word of a lie that was her name. We were ten and it lasted two months. The second was Angela Weber when I was thirteen. We dated for two years and she only let me get to second base. Third was Lauren Mallory who I dated for three years and who I lost my virginity to. She cheated on me with a fuck stick that we went to high school with named Mike Newton. He eventually knocked her up and now she works in a local restaurant in Forks. Both her and Mike live with Mike's parents. I've seen their kid, ugly as fuck. It devastated me at first until I realized I never really loved Lauren and didn't like her all that much anyway. "Last but not least is Ashley and that was all she wrote."

"Nice." She nodded and then looked confused. "Pippy Langdon?"

"Yeah, I don't really know what her parents were thinking. The rumour was they smoked a lot of pot so that could have been it." I drank the last of my coffee and we left.

I walked her to her apartment and she promised me she would call me tomorrow. She hugged me and kissed me lightly on the cheek. "See you later Edward." She ran into her apartment.

"Bye." I could barely speak. It was just a kiss on the cheek, but it burned like she had touched me with fire. I turned and shook my head. "I'm so fucked."

She kept her word and called me the next day. I had class and work so we didn't hang out but we did talk on the phone for about two hours. Every day after that she made contact with me and we made an effort to see each other. We watched a lot of movies, drank a lot of coffee, and talked a lot.

We had built a niche for each other in each other's lives and by the second week of October we had drifted into routineless routine. She was counting the days till Jasper came home and so was I. I knew once he returned mine and Bella's hang out time would be cut in half.

She had also gotten into this habit of hugging me and kissing me on the cheek every time she saw me. I was ruined and a complete write off for the first fifteen minutes of our hang out time thinking about the feeling of her lips meeting my cheek.

She had me reading a whole bunch of books that I knew that I couldn't read because I had school, but I forced myself because she asked me to. I decided to start with American Psycho. She met me in one of the many student lounges on campus. She came up behind me and threw her arms around me. "Hello Edward." She gave me a quick peck on the cheek and sat in the chair opposite me. "How are you liking it?"

"Liking what?" I was having a hard time understanding the words leaving her mouth.

"The book." She pulled a bottle of water out of her bag and sipped it.

"Oh." I sat up in my chair and looked at the cover of the book. "I'm only like two hundred pages into it and it's interesting so far."

Her eyes narrowed at me curiously as she screwed the lid back on the bottle. "What do you mean interesting?"

"I mean it's really violent and extremely sexually graphic." It was; some parts of the book had actually made me feel physically ill.

"That's the basis of its appeal." She looked at me like I was nuts. "Bret Easton Ellis is a God. I can't make this shit up, it's just a fact." She smiled very matter of factly at me and shrugged.

She reached into her bag and pulled out a book. I leaned forward to read what it was. "The Zombie Survival Guide?"

"Hey fuck you. When the zombie takeover happens you are going to be glad I read this book." She tossed it back in her bag looking slightly embarrassed. She looked around the lounge and then looked back at me. "What are you doing today?"

"Nothing I already went to my anthropology class which was boring as fuck by the way. Why what did you have in mind?" I didn't care. We could go wrestle pigs in a pile of manure or go frolic in a septic tank for all I cared just as long as she was with me.

"I want to take you somewhere." She smiled my favourite smile. It was kind of crooked and she showed the tiniest amount of teeth. She picked up her bag and threw it over her shoulder and grabbed her bottle of water. She stood in front of me and motioned for me to stand quickly. I gathered all my shit as quickly as I could and marked the page I was on and threw the book in my bag. She grabbed my hand and led me to a bus stop.

The entire time she dragged my ass to the bus stop I had to fight the urge to intertwine my fingers with hers. She let go of my hand once we got on the bus but she held it the entire time we waited for it to get there. We took a twenty-five minute bus ride to a part of town that looked a little dodgy and then walked for another fifteen minutes until she turned down an alley. The alley was dark even thought it was the middle of the day. It was kind of freaking me out. "Where are we going?"

"Patience Edward." She kept walking forward looking at the brick wall to her left until she stopped and turn to look at me. She had a smile on her face.

I just stood there looking at her; I was officially freaked out and then I said something I wish I could have taken back the second I said it; because it was stupid and made me look like an idiot. "You're not going to rape me are you?" Not that it would technically constitute as rape because I would want it, but I had no idea why I decided that saying those words was a good idea.

She looked at me like I was a moron. "What?"

"Nothing, I say things sometimes and I can't stop myself." I looked away from and tried not to go red.

She closed her eyes and breathed in quickly and then stuck her hands out as if she was trying to brace herself for something. Then she opened her eyes and looked up at me through her lashes. "Okay what I'm about to show you I have never shown anyone. Not Rose, not Jasper, not a single one of my friends or family. One of my professors told me about it my first semester last year and told me to keep what I'm about you to show you a secret." She pointed to the door to our left. "Through this door is the greatest book store not only in Seattle but maybe the entire west coast. This is _Doherty's_. This is best kept secret of the avid readers of Seattle. You cannot tell anyone that you know about this place. Not Jake, not Ashley, no one. The first rule of _Doherty's_ is that you do not talk about _Doherty's_." She was so serious; it was adorable and I was trying not to smile because I knew this was important to her.

"So it's kinda like _Fight Club_?" I asked trying to sound interested; it wasn't that I didn't care it was just that I wasn't that big a fan of books, but I was excited that she was sharing something that was important to her with me that no one else knew anything about.

"It's exactly like _Fight Club_. This book store has every book you can think of. You want a first edition of _East of Eden_ they'll have it, it will cost you an arm and a leg but they'll have it and if they don't they will track one down for you and in a week they will be placing it in your hands. They have enough customers to keep them afloat but few enough that they don't have to sell out or anything. If there is a heaven this is what mine will look like." She looked so happy and she had a dreamy grin on her face. "So remember this is between you and me. This is our secret. No one else's." She looked at me expectantly waiting for my acknowledgement that I would never tell anyone about this book store.

I nodded. "Not a word. Not to anyone."

She stepped towards the door and opened it and walked inside holding it open so that I would step in front of her. I walked ahead of her down a long dark corridor heading in the direction of the light I could see. I heard the door close and the sound of Bella running to catch up to me. We finally got to the end of the corridor which opened into a massive room. It kind of looked the way the wand and book shops looked in _Harry Potter_. Everything was green. The walls, the carpets, the rickety looking stairs leading to a second and third floor were green, even most of the books looked green. There were massive skylights over head that looked like they were rarely cleaned. It smelled old but in the best possible way; it smelled the way old books smelled, the way my home library back in Forks smelled, it reminded me of my mother. "This is amazing."

"I know right." She walked forward to a counter that housed a tall lanky man with a skullet that looked a little like Riff Raff from the _Rocky Horror Picture Show_ and a pretentious looking goth girl. "Hey Randall, Claire."

They both looked up from whatever they were doing and nodded. "Hey Bella." They said in unison. Both of their eyes drifted over to me and then Riff Raff's drifted back to Bella while Claire kept staring at me. "Bella who is this?" Riff Raff put down his clip board and stared at her till she answered.

"Guys this is Edward, don't worry he's cool." She took a step back and hooked her arm around mine pulling me forward.

I took my free hand and waved quickly. "Hey."

Riff Raff looked back to Bella. "Bella you know the rules." This guy was fucking scary and I had no desire to get into an altercation with him. He might throw ninja stars at me.

Claire stepped forward and lightly placed her hand on his arm. She was still staring at me and giving me this smile that all women give me when they first meet me the, 'I want to fuck you' smile. "Now Randall I think we can let this one slide. Bella is a loyal customer and she has great taste in books. I think we can allow her one friend." She looked away from me to Bella and her face was hard and unflinching. "But only one. No one else."

Bella smiled politely. "No one else."

I looked above me and seven or eight of the creepiest people I had ever seen were leaning over the railing on the stairs watching us talk to the clerks. They all kind of looked like they had come from the land of misfit people. They weren't exactly ugly just strange and uncomfortable, and it was fucking freaking me out. There was some weird ominous mood music playing somewhere and I was waiting for David Lynch to come out of the shadows and call cut. Why did Bella bring me here?

"You need to get a membership card." Riff Raff turned around and riffled through a drawer and placed this card, made out of recycled paper that said _Doherty's_ on it and made me sign it. "Welcome to the club Edward." He slowly looked up at me as his greasy blonde hair fell over his shoulders. Creepiest day ever.

"Okay thanks Randall." She was still holding onto my arm and pulled me along to the stairs and dragged me up them. We passed a few of the misfits and then she stopped in the graphic novel section.

I stood there staring at her with my mouth involuntarily wide open. She looked at me and scoffed. "It's not that bad Edward."

"I feel like I've crossed over into some sort of alternate universe. I don't even have words to describe what I am feeling right now." I really was in shock. I had never been a place with such haunting vibe before. It was literally making my skin crawl. I had goose bumps and couldn't stop shivering.

She was piling books into my arms. "You're being a baby." I looked down. They were _Batman_ graphic novels. She took a step back and looked over the books one last time and then turned to me and grabbed half the books and started walking forward. I walked quickly so I wouldn't lose her. She took a series of twists and turns and then walked up a spiral staircase that led to a small attic like room with no windows that was lit by two sixty-watt bulbs. She placed all the books on a small table and then took the ones I had and placed them on top.

She turned and looked at me. "This is the classics room." She turned and slowly started browsing the shelves; lightly letting her fingers touch the spines of each book while she silently mouthed the titles of the books to herself.

"I like this room." I really did. It was quiet and cozy and I was all alone, with Bella.

She turned to me and smiled. "That's because all the misfits, the pretentious goth and Riff Raff are all down stairs far away from you." She went back to her browsing. It was starting to freak me out how we think the same. This wasn't the first time she had said things that I had been thinking word for word.

I walked up to her and shadowed her as she looked. I inhaled her scent as she shimmied out of her hoodie and threw it on the floor. "What are you looking for?" I asked genuinely curious.

"_The Great Gatsby_." She turned and went to browse on the other side of the room.

"Is it for a class?"

"No, it's for my dad." She pulled out a huge book and started looking through it and then put it back. "It's his favourite book and the last time I was home his copy looked a little worse for wear, so I'm gonna get him a new one for Christmas." She turned as searched a little while longer and then pulled out a book. "Found it."

She sat down on the floor and started looking through it. I sat down across from her. "Can I ask you about your dad?"

She looked up at me. "What do you mean?"

"Well your dad just always seemed so cool to me. He got me out of so much shit when I was a teenage and he was always so cool about it. And you have a reputation in that town as the bitch daughter of our beloved police chief. I just could never understand how someone who had a dad as cool as yours could hate him so much." I was surprised that I could look her right in the eye as I asked her probably the most personal question I had ever asked.

She closed the book and sighed. "The relationship with my father is a very complicated one." She placed the book on the floor beside her. "My mother, Renee, left Forks when she was twenty and she took me with her to Arizona. Her and my dad got a divorce and agreed that he would get me for the summer, and he did for the first nine years of my life. And then in the months between my ninth and tenth summers my mother started telling me things about my father; the reasons that she had to flee Forks. She told me things about my dad like how he was a drunk and used to cheat on her and how he was verbally and physically abusing her and being the strong woman she was she took it until one day my father turned on me and tried to attack me. This was when I was one." She looked up at me; her eyes were dark and clouded and I could tell that this was a very dark period in her life. It also confused me because I knew Charlie and he would never do any of those things so I was mildly shocked. She continued. "So I started seeing him less and less, only coming for half a summer and then I stopped coming at all." She closed her eyes and sighed again. As much as I wanted to tell her that she could stop I wanted to know; I was being selfish. "Of course as I would find out much later my mother is a crazy, bi-polar psycho and everything she told me was a lie." She sounded irritated.

"She was the one that was verbally abusive and cheated. She cheated on my dad a lot. My dad did drink a lot at that time just before my mom left, she wasn't lying about that, but it was the only way that he could cope with what was happening. He really loved her." She paused. "What an idiot." She got up and went to her bag and pulled out her bottle of water.

She came back and sat in front of me. She cleared her throat and started again. "How I found out all these wonderful things about my parents lives before I was old enough to remember was my dad was pissed off that I had cut him out of my life with absolutely no reason. So one day about three years ago he hauled his ass down to Arizona to ask me what the fuck was up. Of course I told him, which infuriated him and he forced my mother to tell me the truth." She looked away from me and I could tell she was trying not to cry. I felt bad now for bringing all this up but I really didn't expect it to be so dramatic. "So there I was almost eighteen and I found out the one person I loved and cared for the most was a liar that kept away from my dad my entire life. To say that I was furious was an understatement. I moved out right away and lived with my best friend for the last four months of my senior year and I started applying to schools all over the northwest so that I could be closer to my dad." She took another swig from the bottle. "I moved up to Forks the second school was done and luckily got into U of W and started my new life here."

"Holy shit, that's fucking intense." It really was fucked up.

"And it's so stupid. I don't know why I never thought that my mother sending her young daughter to go visit her abusive, alcoholic father who apparently tried to kill her was out of the ordinary. I just thought he changed, that she was giving him a second chance. I should have realized that maybe mommy dearest wasn't as truthful as I thought she was, but you don't think of your parents as liars when you are growing up, you trust them and that was my problem, I trusted the wrong one. She kept me away so my dad would never tell me what she did to him." She shook her head. "And now I know my dad did nothing wrong but I spent my entire thinking something about him and it's difficult to tell yourself to think differently but things are getting better and we are moving forward." She smiled. "I love my dad and I'm glad that I can say it and mean it."

"And your mom?"

"I haven't talked to her since I left Arizona nor do I have any intention to, at least not yet." She stared at the ground and her face was really intense, then she breathed in deeply and looked at me and smiled. "And so are the Days of our Lives, right?"

We both laughed. "My family problems don't really seem all that bad now."

"Well I want to hear them." She said smacking my knee, encouraging me to continue.

"Well I love my mother. I am a momma's boy to my core. She is that loving, caring, over protective mom that would give everything for her children. And I'm more like her, you know, a dreamer, artistic, musical, we both believe that no matter how shitty life gets something good will come out of it if you look hard enough."

"That sounds nice." She whispered smiling so sweetly I felt my heart break a little. "What's her name?"

"Esme." I smiled thinking about my mother who I loved dearly and made a mental note to call her later.

"That's a pretty name." She was braiding the frayed ends of my jeans.

"While my dad, Carlisle, is a completely different breed. He always favoured my sister; he was always looking at me saying, 'Why can't you be driven like your sister Edward?' 'Why can't you have passion like your sister Edward?' 'Why can't you be motivated like your sister Edward?'" I said trying to put on a voice that sounded like my dad's. I shook my head. "What a fucking prick." I looked at her. "I am driven and motivated and passionate just in none of the ways he deems acceptable. I was motivated in high school. I was driven and passionate in finding was to piss my dad off and I was fucking spectacular at it." I was so proud of myself. I always looked forward to seeing my dad's face when he had to come and pick me up from the police station or after he and my mother had just had a long conversation with my principal about my behavioural issues.

She laughed her belly laugh and looked at me with eyes that killed me. "Well everyone's good at something."

"Regardless of how much shit I stirred up in high school I graduated at the top of my class with a 4.0, and in my valedictorian speech I told everyone to go fuck themselves." I was proud of that as well. I did feel bad about it later when I found out how badly my mother was embarrassed by it but it was amazing none the less.

"You were valedictorian?" She looked at me kind of shocked.

"Yes." I was mildly offended that she found this so hard to believe.

"Cool." She looked around the room and stood. "I'm glad we talked about this, I've never really talked to anyone about my family before. I feel lighter." She went over and picked up her bag and gathered all her books. "Let's go pay for this shit and get out of here. I know you're uncomfortable."

"I'm actually not minding it so much anymore." I said getting up gathering my things and taking half of what Bella was carrying.

"See I told you. It's not that bad." She started descending down the staircase.

"Yeah but I'm totally waiting outside while you pay for these." We laughed again. It was something I did a lot when I was with Bella, I laughed.

I did wait outside while she paid for her books and told myself I would never come back here unless she forced me.

I continued to spend every hour I could with her, like an idiot. I was happy when I found out that my floor was having a kegger the last weekend I had with Bella before Jasper came back. She wasn't exactly excited to go but said she would because she knew that I wanted to go.

She had to work that Saturday night and showed up around eleven. I was slightly intoxicated when she arrived and was far touchier than I should have been considering Ashley was standing right beside me. I hugged her for a couple seconds longer than necessary and I kissed her on the cheek a little too close to her mouth. I parted from her and watched her as she rambled on about my plum blazer and how it went well with my eye and hair color. While she did this I looked over at Ashley who was shooting daggers into Bella with her eyes. Shit, this is not good.

Bella turned to Ashley. "Hey Ash, you look so pretty tonight."

Ashley smiled and went to hug her. "Thanks Bells, so do you."

Ash? Bells? When did these two join the Ya-Ya Sisterhood? I didn't want them to be friends. I had no desire to have Ashley and Bella in the same room together but here we were. I had no idea why I hadn't broken up with Ashley yet, I knew it wasn't going anywhere but I held onto her. In all honesty I was using her. I figured Bella wouldn't think I had feelings for her if I had a girlfriend. What kind of asshole would keep his girlfriend when he had deep feelings for someone else, right? I'm that asshole. I am that asshole that keeps a girlfriend so that the girl that I actually have feelings for will have no idea I have feelings for her.

Fuck I need a drink. I looked at Bella and Ashley. "Do you guys want a drink?" They both nodded and I retreated into my dorm and made Ashley a 7&7 and Bella a gin and tonic and I stopped at the keg to get a beer for myself. It took me a little while to locate them, they had moved to the lounge we have on my floor and were having what looked like an intense conversation. They both looked up at me and smiled as I handed them their drinks.

"What are you guys talking about?" I sat down on a chair adjacent to them.

Bella looked at me and rolled her eyes and shook her head. "We are debating who is hotter; Daniel Radcliffe or Rupert Grint." She pointed to herself. "I personally think that Rupert Grint is hotter but I also have thing for gingers so…" she trailed off and sipped her drink.

Ashley continued. "While I think Daniel is hotter cause he has the dark hair and blue eyes and he's really quirky." She smiled and sipped her drink.

I leaned forward. "Those two are the kids from _Harry Potter_ right?" They both nodded. I leaned back. "Some people tell me I look like the kid in the fourth one, the one that is like super cool and everyone loves him and shit and then Ralph Finnes kills him in the end."

Bella looked confused. "What Cedric Diggory?" She looked over at Ashley who looked over at her and they both shook their head and laughed. "No, you really don't look anything like the actor who plays him."

"Yeah she's right you don't." Ashley shook her head and leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. She downed her drink and placed her cup on the table.

I looked at her. "Do you want another one?"

She smiled and nodded. Just as I got up to grab her cup Renesmee came in and grabbed Ashley's hand. "Oh my God you have to come and see this." She looked at Bella. "Hey Bells."

"Hey."

Ashley looked at me and shrugged and ran out of the room with Renesmee.

I got up and sat were Ashley used to be sitting and I looked at Bella. She smiled and rested her head on my shoulder. "I fucking hate dorm keggers. There's a reason I moved off campus."

"They're not that bad." I sipped my beer.

"Horny frat guys grabbing my ass. So much fun." Her statement reeked of sarcasm.

I kind of shrugged her head of my shoulder and leaned forward to look at her. "You've had your ass grabbed since you've been here?"

"Five times in the last fifteen minutes and I was sitting for seven of those minutes." She looked away from me and downed half her drink.

I leaned back in my seat. "Do you want to get out of here?"

She smiled my favourite smile. "I actually have a place we can go." She downed the rest of her drink and put her cup on a little table.

I looked at her with fear in my eyes. "We aren't going to _Doherty's_ are we?"

She laughed and tucked her hair behind her ears. "No I promise."

I finished my beer and then grabbed her extended hand. The fifteen minutes it should have taken us to get to the athletic building took us more like thirty because I was pretty tipsy and was sauntering to our location.

She brought me to these two doors and took out a key and slipped it in the lock and opened the door. "Ta-dah!" She said opening the door motioning for me to enter before her.

I walked in the building and realized that we were in the part of the building that housed the swimming pool. I turned and looked at her. "Are we going swimming?"

She rolled her eyes. "No we're here to stare at the water, of course we're here to swim."

I got really excited. I loved swimming. I got under dressed rather quickly and jumped into the water in my boxers. I surfaced and spun around in the water looking for her. I looked up and saw her standing where she was when I jumped in. She was staring at the spot where I used to be standing with her mouth open and her eyes glazed. I couldn't help but smile. This is the look that all women got when they first saw me with my clothes off and I liked the fact that Bella was no exception. "Hey Bells are you getting in the water or what?"

She shook her head bringing herself out of whatever daze she was in. "Yes I'm going swimming now." She took off her jacket and then removed her plain black t-shirt. Her stomach was toned and her skin was the color of a pearl and looked as smooth as silk. She removed her jeans exposing lovely legs. She was thin but had a good amount of meat on her so she looked healthy. She was wearing this matching pink bra and panties with black lace over top and she let her hair down and shook it out before she jumped into the water.

I couldn't under any circumstances get an erection. I had to think of other things, things that weren't sexy, anything that wasn't Bella. I closed my eyes. What isn't sexy? Washing machines, washing machines are not sexy. But they were when Bella was sitting on top of one in her matching pink and black lace bra and panties. They were sexy when Bella was sitting on top of one spreading her legs pleasuring herself, thinking about me. No. No. This was not working. Not sexy, not sexy. My mother making out with my grandmother; my mother's tongue in my grandmother's mouth. Yep this was working. The idea of my mother and my grandmother together was repulsive. Now all I had to do was keep this mental picture in my head all night and I'd be fine.

She resurfaced. "I haven't been swimming in forever." She swam past me to the other end of the pool then back to me. She swam around me and I kept turning so I could look at her. She floated up on her back and looked at me. "When I moved to Forks the summer before I came to university why did I never see you in town?" She went under the water and then resurfaced quickly.

"The summer you came to Forks me and Jazz left for Europe the week after school ended. He wasn't the greatest travelling partner giving the whole Alice just left him bullshit and he abandoned me in mid-August and went back to Forks to go to school. I, on the other hand, spent thirteen months in Europe travelling around, living in hostels; I made friends with other people travelled with them. I spent time in England, France, Germany, Italy, Spain, Portugal, Greece and Amsterdam." I went under the water and came back up. "It was the best year of my life and it was worth waiting the year before I went to school."

She smiled and went under the water again and came up. "I want to do something like that."

I shrugged. "Why don't you do it then? Do it this summer."

"Yeah with all the money and time I don't have." She laughed and rubbed her nose. There was a loud noise that came from the other side of the room that sounded like a door opening and closing. He eyes got really wide and she swam towards me and grabbed my shoulder and told me to swim to the other end of the pool from where the noise came from.

Once we got there she brought her finger to her lips and looked at me. "Shhhhh."

"What's going on?"

"Shut up."

I looked around the pool then back at her. "Are we not allowed to be here?"

"Technically no." She looked out at the length of the pool like she was waiting for something.

"What?"

She looked irritated that she had to explain at this moment. "Rose dated the captain of the swim team for the first two months of first semester last year and she kinda forgot to give him back the key he gave her. So if we get caught we are in shit, so shut up." She put her hand over my mouth and grabbed onto the filter hole above her to brace herself so she wouldn't float away. I took this opportunity to grab onto her. I would use the excuse that I didn't want to float away either if she mentioned it later. She was still looking at the pool and I heard someone walk into the room; their shoes made a clinking nose when they walked. A light flashed out over the pool and Bella held her breath.

While she was worrying about being arrested I took my hand and placed it on the small of her back and pushed her hard body into mine. Because she was holding on to the filter so she was raised higher than me so her stomach was pressed against my chest and her breasts were hovering around my face. She looked away from the pool and down at me when she noticed that I had pushed myself against her. She looked down at me slightly confused with her hand still over my mouth. I could see her chest heaving, she was freaked out or scared or something but what I was doing was getting her attention.

This was the moment I had to tell her. There would be no better moment than right now. I would tell her I had feelings for her. "Bella." It came out all muffled she removed her hand from my mouth. "Bella."

"Yeah." She said in a breathy whisper.

"Bella, I have to tell you something."

A door shut somewhere and her eyes widened. "He's gone." She pushed herself away from me and swam to where we left her clothes.

"Okay." I whispered. Could she have moved any faster? Did she know what I was going to say? I was being slightly obvious. But why did she freak out? Was it because she has feelings for me? I guess I was going to have to wait to find out.

When I got out of the pool she was already in her jeans. I didn't say anything while I dressed she broke the silence. "Does Ashley think it's weird that you and me spend so much time together?"

I shook my head. "No not really." That was a lie. Ashley had no idea I spent nearly as much time with Bella as I did.

"Oh." She put on her jacket.

"Does Jasper know we spend a lot of time together?" I hoped that she was lying to him. That would mean she didn't want him to know how much time we really did spend together because she felt guilty because she was falling for me, too.

She walked over to me as I pulled on my jacket and she looked me right in the eye. "Of course he does. I talk to Jasper everyday and he thinks it's great that we hang out. He says you are one of the best people he knows and that he's thrilled that we spend so much time together. He is so happy that you are the one that is helping me through this." She smiled her all knowing smile and walked towards the door.

Fuck Bella can you dig the knife in a little deeper, Jesus. Yes, I know that I am a shitty friend. I shouldn't have felt the way that I did but here we were. She knew. How could she not? Her tone and her defensive stance. She felt something and she was scared because she did love Jasper, it was obvious. The distance between them made her realize it and now she was feeling guilty and she was taking it out on me.

She locked the door behind her and we walked towards my dorm, we got about half way there when she stopped at a bus stop. "I'm gonna go home, do you think you can get back to your dorm safely?" She smiled mischievously.

"Yeah, I think I can manage." I laughed at the thought of Bella being concerned about me walking around at night alone.

"Okay so I'll call you tomorrow." She stepped forward and hugged me and little longer than normal. We parted and she stepped away from me and walked to the bus stop.

I stood in the spot where she left me with my hand shoved deep in my pockets. "Hey Bells."

She turned with a half grin, the streetlamps softly lighting her face and the wind blowing her hair out behind her and said, "Yeah."

"Are we okay?" I wanted to make sure that we were. I may have just blown the whole thing way out of proportion; she might not have noticed anything at all.

"Of course we are. Why wouldn't we be?" She raised her hand to her hair to try and tame it. The bus was coming.

"No reason, I'll see you later."

"Yeah see you." The bus stopped and she got on.

I watched the bus leave and headed back to my dorm with the intention of getting drunk and thinking of reasons why I couldn't have sex with Ashley tonight.

I had spent a blissful month with her and now I knew everything there was to know about Isabella Swan. Her middle name was Marie. Her favourite color was red. Her favourite movie was _Funny Face_ or _Breakfast at Tiffany's_ depending on her mood. She thought Paul Newman was the sexiest movie star who had ever lived and she cried when he died. Her favourite actors were George C. Scott and Elizabeth Banks. Bret Easton Ellis was her favourite author and _American Psycho_ was her favourite book. Her favourite band was _Genesis_, her favourite recording artist was _Elton John_ and her favourite song was _Like a Rolling Stone_ by _Bob Dylan_. She had watched every single season of _American Idol_ religiously and voted for her favourite every time until they were voted off or they won. He favourite TV show was _Lost_ and she would always complain the next day because she never had any idea what was going on.

She took her coffee black with two sugars. She preferred chocolate over vanilla and strawberry over chocolate. She preferred sunset to sunrise. She had these jeans that she wore three times a week because she loved them and said that they fit her better than her own skin. She had always wished she had a younger brother and that she spent more time with her dad when she was growing up.

When she was in high school her and a couple of her friends would get together and watch America's Next Top Model. Then they would do each other's make up and take glamour shots. She had always regretted doing this and said the pictures have come back to haunt her and had shown up in her yearbook, MySpace, facebook and a random blog called _Hot Americans_ ran by a fifteen year old boy in Japan. I had seen them and as gorgeous as Bella was she couldn't model for shit.

He whole body tensed when she was angry and she would run her tongue over her teeth rapidly when she was furious. When she was uncomfortable she would run her hands through her hair and make comments about the weather. She had five different laughs. One for when she didn't think something was funny but wanted to be polite, a laugh for when she was uncomfortable, a cynical, sarcastic laugh for when she thought someone was an idiot, a regular laugh for when she thought something was funny and then my favourite laugh, the laugh that came from her belly. That was the laugh that made her glow when she thought something was hilarious.

As much I loved all these things about her, I hated her just as much for making me love them. Every day that I saw her I liked her more and more. She was smart and witty and intelligent and knew things about the world and politics and culture and movies and music and books. She had an opinion about everything and would fight you to the death to prove her point. She was caring and sensitive and cried in every sappy chick flick I was forced to sit through with her.

I could feel it; I could feel myself falling in love. I had never been in love before and the way I felt when I was with Bella was something new and completely different. My heart fluttered every time I saw her and sometimes it would pain me to sit so close to her and not touch her. I knew there was going to be no easy way to do this and that by the time it was over countless tears would be shed, but I was going to do what I could to get what I wanted.

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**Well there it is that was chapter 7. The next chapter will be BPOV and it will be her side of the month they spend together when Jasper was away. It will not be like chapter 3 and 4 more of a recap and then other events. **

**Again I wanna thank Asher55 and my friend Jen who has started reading, I told her I would give her a shout out cause I'm cool like that. **

**I wanna thank everyone who reads this story I really do appreciate the time you all take to read it. It makes all the time I spend writing it worth it so thank you. **

**Reviews, reviews, reviews! **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey everyone, what a fucking stupid week. This chapter was my Everest. I had writers block for like three days and then when I started writing it wasn't right. I knew what I wanted to say it just wasn't coming out right, I still don't know if it came out right but fingers crossed and all that jazz. **

**I wanna thank Asher55 for putting up with the endless bombardment of text messages I send her about stupid things I am insecure about. I love you babe. **

**I wanna thank saranic for grabbing this one by the balls. You edited the shit out of this chapter and I adore you endlessly for it. **

**I hope this chapter comes across right, the feelings I'm writing about are weird complicated emotions and I know after this stupid, dumb chapter everything is going to run a lot smoother, this was my hump, the one chapter that a writer needs to get past and then everything else will come effortlessly. **

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**BPOV**

I sat on the bus wishing is would go faster. I just wanted to be at home. What I did tonight made me a bad person. What I had been doing every day for the past two weeks made me a bad person, but I couldn't help myself. I needed to be near him.

I wrapped my arms around my body and wished that he hadn't touched me the way he did. My stomach and back burned from his touch, and I wanted it to go away. Jasper came back in two days and I was committed to him. I had a lot of time to think while he was away and I figured out a lot of things. Well, two things really, and these two things were the most important of all.

First, I realized that I _was_ in love with Jasper. I loved him. I thought it was platonic, but I was confused and scared. I felt stupid for being one of those women that stays with the man that hurt them, but I couldn't deny it, I loved him. My whole body ached for him every day he was away, and I looked forward to our daily phone conversations. Realizing this made my second epiphany that much more difficult. In the time Jasper was gone I found myself developing feelings for my new best friend, Edward Cullen. And these two important facts meant I was fucked. I was officially a resident of Fuckedville, and I knew I couldn't do anything about it.

It was fucking dumb; the whole situation I had found myself in was fucking stupid. I was a fucking moron for letting myself like him. But no matter what I did or how hard I tried I couldn't get him out of my head.

Edward Cullen whose lips were always chapped and he was constantly rubbing his fingers against them. He showered everyday but his hair never looked clean. When he was really mad, his jaw would square and he wouldn't speak to you for about ten minutes while he quietly got over whatever was bothering him. When he was upset or sad his bottom lip would pout, and when he was uncomfortable he would hunch his shoulders and not speak. He had about fifty different smiles but the only one I wanted to see was his crooked one. He was the boy with the flawless bone structure and a body so beautiful that I wanted to learn how to sculpt just so I could sculpt him.

He fought back tears at the end of every sappy chick flick we had seen even though he would never admit it, the hopeless romantic. He had even told me he sobs like an infant every time he watches _Saving Private Ryan_ and _Homeward Bound_. He was the boy who loved his mom intensely, hated his dad and had a strong distaste for his sister even though he still loved her.

Edward who wore this T-Rex t-shirt that he had at least twice a week and had a lucky pair of socks that he had never washed and wore during every exam and every time Manchester United played.

He loved glam rock and thought that the 70's were the only time that movies were truly worth watching. He preferred beer from a glass rather than a bottle, smoked casually, liked spicy food but got sick every time he ate it, and he didn't like anything sugary unless it was on top of something that shouldn't be sweet.

His favorite color was blue and he believed in heaven and hell.

For all these reason, and for so many others that I didn't have time to list, was why I fell for Edward and it made me angry. I didn't want to have feelings for anyone other than Jasper. It was Edward's fault I felt this way, I was blaming Edward.

Fuck you Edward Cullen for making me like you. I so didn't need this now, but here I was.

I had to bolt when he was holding me in the pool. I knew what he was going to say. He was going to tell me how he felt, that he had developed feelings for me and that he wanted me to leave Jasper. This I couldn't do. I couldn't leave Jasper, how could I? How could I tell my newly sober boyfriend, with severe abandonment issues, that I was abandoning him to start dating the brother of the girl who abandoned him in the first place? I couldn't nor did I want to, but I did want Edward.

Maybe I could convince them to share me. We could all date each other. They've kissed each other before maybe I could push it farther. I lost my train of thought and got a little giddy thinking about the two of them in bed together, with me.

No, I'm going to avoid Edward...no, that wasn't going to work. I'm going to suppress these feelings and pretend they don't exist. Yes, that's what I was going to do. I was with Jasper, I was committed to Jasper, I loved Jasper and he needed me to get better. At least I think he did. I wanted Edward, but I didn't love Edward. I knew that I never could because if I did and I had to choose between the two of them, I knew I wouldn't be able to do it. It would end terribly and then everyone would be alone.

I sighed. I am so fucked.

I took the elevator up to our floor and almost ran down the hallway to get our apartment. I felt like shit. I had missed a call from Jasper while I was swimming with Edward; while I was out gallivanting and betraying my sick boyfriend.

I walked into the apartment and sat down on the couch with Rose who was watching the _Gilmore Girls_. She looked over at me. "You're all wet."

I looked down at myself in shock. "Oh my God! Is that what's happening to me?" She looked at me completely unamused, so I answered the question I knew she meant to ask. "Me and Edward went swimming."

"You and Edward, huh?" She paused. "I don't like it Bells." She looked at me seriously. I knew she was trying to be helpful and caring, but her distaste for Edward was starting to irritate me.

"Rose, don't worry about it. We are just friends." Lie. That was a lie. Nothing had happened, but we were emotionally invested and that was just as bad as fucking him. It made me feel sick to my stomach for being such a monster.

I sat in front of her playing with the locket my dad had gotten me for my birthday. It had my initials and birthday inscribed on the back. It was simple and oh so Charlie. He probably wanted it to say daddy's little girl but got freaked out and opted for the completely impersonal approach. It had gotten lost in the mail and arrived a week ago.

She turned to me and tucked her hair behind her ears. "Do remember how I met Emmett?"

I couldn't. He had always just been there every since I knew Rose. I shook my head.

"His older brother was the captain of the swim team, and Cole introduced us innocently and while I was dating Cole. Me and Emmett were just friends. Until we weren't." I knew what she was trying to say and it made sense. It also made me angry. I was not Rosalie. "That's all I'm saying." She looked at me with an all knowing look and turned back to her show. "There's someone waiting for you in your room."

I got up. Who the fuck could it be? It couldn't have been Edward there was no way he could have beat me here, it went against science.

I opened my door and saw Jasper lying on my bed asleep with the TV on. "Jasper?"

He jolted out of his sleep and looked frightened then smiled when he saw me. "Hey Bells."

He looked so different. He had cut his hair since the last time I saw him. It looked fuller, it was short and he had the tiniest pompadour at the hairline. He looked thicker like he had gained weight and it made everything about him look better. His chest and arms looked filled out, his eyes looked less sunken, his cheeks no longer looked hollow and it made his jaw line look more sharp and defined. His skin had color and the cuts on his face had reduced to pink scars on either side of his face. He was dressed in a white button down, dark denim jeans and black dress shoes. He looked amazing. The best I had ever seen him, like he was an entirely different person. He was so handsome my body ached to hear him speak, to let him tell me who he was and what had happened to him. He wouldn't stop smiling and it looked amazing on him.

I didn't even realize that I was crying until he came up to me and brushed a tear off my face. "Oh Bells, don't cry."

"I thought you said that you weren't going to be back till Monday." I was wiping under my eyes trying my best to stop crying.

"I thought I'd surprise you so I lied a little." He smirked.

I threw myself at him. I hugged him so tightly and wrapped my legs around his waist. "I missed you." I kissed his neck. "I missed you so much."

He lightly stroked the back of my head with his hand and kissed the side of my face. "I missed you too. You look beautiful."

I removed my head from his neck and looked at him. "Look at you. You look like a different person Jasper. You look healthy and clean and handsome." He smiled and brushed my wet hair out of my eyes. I lightly traced my fingers along his scars. "Do they hurt?"

"Not anymore." His eyes moved franticly like he was looking at me for the first time.

I had never noticed how beautiful his eyes were, they always just looked so grey to me but now looking at him in the light as he looked at me with his eyes wide open I noticed they had specs of gold and violet in them. I realized I was looking at Jasper, the real Jasper for the first time in our relationship. He let his finger tips lightly trace my lips and he brought me in for a kiss. It was different, like I had never been kissed by this person before. He breathed in deep and let the first kiss linger before he started moving his lips. He kissed me with passion and something else; there was something else behind this kiss that I couldn't figure out. It wasn't lust, there was nothing lustful about it and I knew we wouldn't be having sex tonight or possibly anytime soon, but it was something different. I squeezed him tighter and let my tongue slide into his mouth. He pulled away from me which startled me, so I unwrapped my legs from his waist and he put me down. He wiped the corner of his mouth. "I'm sorry. I'll explain that I promise. It's stupid and complicated and has nothing to do with you."

"That's okay." I made him meet my eye line; I wanted to let him know that it was okay, and if he wanted to move slow then we'd move slow. I felt like I was with another person and it was a little bit frightening for me as well. I wanted to let him know that I was here for him no matter what.

"Are you tired? If you're tired we can wait till morning to talk, or we can do it now." He looked hopeful. I wanted to do it now, but I was exhausted. I had a fucked up dream about Edward, Jasper and vampires the night before, so I didn't sleep very well. And with work and the swimming and all the emotional anguish it had taken it out of me.

"I am really tired it's been a really long day. But tomorrow, that day is all yours and the day after that and any other days of mine you want they are yours, you can have them." I kissed him lightly.

"Okay deal." He smiled, he was gorgeous. I never wanted him to stop smiling. His smile reminded me of Edward's and it made me feel guilty that I was with Jasper comparing him to Edward. I knew this was going to be a feeling that I was going to have to get used to because I knew that I would be feeling it a lot.

"Are you going to stay?" I sounded so shy when I asked him this.

"Of course I'm going to stay. " He said taking off his shoes. I went to the my dresser and pulled out some pajama pants Jasper had left here that he could wear to bed and I changed into my own pajamas.

I turned and looked at him. He had no shirt on and my mouth fell open. "Holy shredded body batman." He looked amazing. He always had the outline of a six pack he was just always so skinny and he never built it up but I guess he found the time to.

"Yeah there wasn't a whole lot to do at the clinic but they had a gym so I worked out a lot." He kind of ran his hands down his new body.

I couldn't take much more of sexy hot guy body stuff today. First Edward now him, think Brad Pitt in Fight Club. I wanted to stick both of them in a river and wash my clothes on them.

He got into the bed before me and I snuggled in between him and my large white comforter. He wrapped his arms around and I relished in another first for Jasper and I, he was warm. His whole body was warm and that never happened, he was always freezing. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his chest a couple of times while he stroked my hair. I started counting my breaths until I fell asleep.

He wasn't in my bed when I woke up, so I dragged my lazy ass out of my room and into the kitchen for some coffee and cereal. He was sitting around the island with Rose and they were having what looked like an intimate conversation. Rosalie perked up when she saw me coming and smiled. "Hey sleepy head, do you want some coffee?"

I nodded and took a seat beside Jasper, and I gave him a good morning kiss. "Good morning." I smiled sleepily and took the coffee that Rose had given me and put two sugars into it.

He smiled and rubbed the small of my back and Edward's face flashed in my mind. "Good morning back." He sipped the coffee he had in front of him and looked at Rose. "What are you doing today?"

"I was going to go out with Emmett so that you guys could have the apartment to yourselves. I'm sure you guys have a lot to talk about." She poured some milk and Captain Crunch into a bowl and set it in front of me.

"Thanks babe." I dug in then only realizing how hungry I was. I nodded. "Yeah there is going to be some serious talking today." I looked over at Jasper who looked worried. I didn't like it, I didn't like the crease that was forming between his brow and I reached up to smooth it out and he immediately eased with my touch.

"Thanks Rose. I really appreciate it." Jasper smiled but the worried look came back. I wished he wasn't so afraid to tell me things. I just stared at him, completely out of it until Rose started talking.

"Oh yeah, Edward called." Rosalie put some raspberries on the counter and popped one in her mouth. "He wanted to know if you wanted to do something today and I told him that Jazz was back and that you'd probably be pretty busy today." She cocked an eyebrow.

Cunt. I wanted to tell Edward that he was back. I knew that he wasn't looking forward to it because he knew that we wouldn't hang out as much when he was back.

I got off my chair and ran to my purse that I had left by the door and fished out my cell. I had one text message. _Jasper's back!?!_ That was it, that was his message. I texted him back and told him I would call him later.

"So you and Edward hang out a lot then?" Jasper said looking over at his shoulder at me as I put my phone back in my purse.

I came back to the island to finish my food. I nodded. "Yeah, I told you that."

"Well you told me you hang out with him, but you never said how much time you spend with him." I could see him staring at me intensely out of the corner of my eye.

"I'm gonna go a change." Rosalie left. She was always really good at knowing when she shouldn't be a part of a conversation.

"Yeah we've hung out like almost every day since you left." I slowly turned my head to look at him. "Why, does that bother you?" Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

He tilted his head from side to side. "Well that depends." He paused. "It is very easy to fall in love with Edward."

I swallowed hard and try to play what he was saying off, looking at him through my lashes. "Why have you ever fallen in love with him?"

He chuckled slightly and ran his fingers up and down one of his scars. "No, but I've seen a lot of women fall for him. He's very likable."

"Why is he like a player or something?" I was curious, if he was a player this might help me get rid of the feelings I have for him. He had also never mentioned it and that would make him a liar, too.

"No he's a good guy and he was a good boyfriend to every girlfriend he ever had. All I'm saying is that I've seen a lot of girls fall for him. So, what I'm asking you is, have you fallen for Edward Cullen's charming ways?"

I looked him right in the eye and I lied. "No."

"Good." He smiled and kissed my forehead. "Finish your breakfast. I'm gonna go shower." I nodded and kissed him, and then he went into the bathroom.

I waited until I heard the shower running and then I called Edward. "Hello."

"Hey."

"Hey." He paused and the music he was listening to got turned down. "When did Jasper get home?" Wow, so much for beating around the bush.

"Last night I came home and he was here." I was nervous; I had a feeling that he might try and finish the conversation that he almost started last night. I did not want him to tell me that he loved me or that he has feelings for me. I heard him sigh. Why was he acting like this? He knew that Jasper was coming home eventually, why was he being such a baby about it? "Edward I'm busy today but I will see you tomorrow I promise. I will make time for you. I just need to deal with Jasper; I need to work this out."

He was silent for a little while. "Hello?" I had to make sure he was still there.

"Bella." It was just a little louder than a whisper.

I brought my shaking hand to my forehead. "Edward please."

"About last night, when we were in the pool that thing I was going to tell you." His voice was shaky.

"Edward please don't do this, please don't." I didn't want to do this over the phone but it was happening.

He ignored my pleas. "Bella these past couple weeks I've found that I've been having more than just platonic feelings for you." He spoke slowly making sure he pronounced every word. I didn't say anything. It was out in the open now. He had put it out there and now neither of us could tip toe around it like it didn't exist. He spoke first. "So what do you think?" He sounded hopeful, but mostly nervous.

"What do I think?" I spat out at him. What kind of fucking question was that? "I think that I'm in a really shitty spot right now." I paused and sighed, he didn't say anything. "I don't know what you want me to say Edward. Do you want me to say that I'm going to leave Jasper and that you and me and going to live happily ever after? Well that's not how it works. I love him Edward, I love him and I'm sorry." I felt the tears welling in my eyes.

He was silent for a long time. "Do you have feelings for me?" I could barely hear him.

Someone banged into something in the hallway and I looked up. It was Rosalie not looking pleased. I stared at her and she stared right back, I knew she knew exactly who I was talking to and exactly what we were talking about. I stared at her breathing heavily and said, "Yes." I wiped a tear off my cheek. "Edward I have to go, I'll call you later."

I threw the phone on the island and stared back at Rose, her eyes were on fire. "You lied. You looked me right in the eye and told me nothing was going on."

"Rose nothing is going on." I reached out for her as she passed me to head to the door.

"I could give a fuck if you were fucking Edward, or you kissed him, or you like him or you love him. All I care about is that you trust me enough to tell me when it happens." I didn't say anything; I knew that I was just going to make it worse. She stood by the door and stared at me. She shook her head and left slamming the door behind her.

I didn't even hear the shower stop, and when I turned Jasper was standing in a towel looking at the door. He looked at me confused and pointed at the door. "What the hell is her problem?"

I shrugged. "You know Rose; she's always pissed off about something."

He smiled. "Yeah, well I'm gonna get dressed and then we'll talk?" He looked at me hopefully.

I nodded. "Yeah."

He came over and kissed me I let my hand run over his wet chest and then he pulled away and walked into my bedroom.

I sat in that seat and stared at the phone and thought about the colossal clusterfuck I had just gotten myself into. I could have just said no. I could have told Edward that no I don't have feelings for you but I'm an idiot, and I told him the truth like an idiot. I didn't like Fuckedville. I wanted to pack up and move to Complication Free Town but every time I went to move my furniture I found it was bolted to the ground and I knew I wasn't going anywhere.

I put my bowl in the dishwasher and grabbed two bottles of water and placed them on the coffee table and waited for him to come out. He came out in the jeans he had on yesterday and an old Nirvana t-shirt I had stolen from my dad and plopped down on the couch beside me. He grabbed a bottle and opened it and drank a quarter of it and then placed it back on the table.

He sighed before he started and then looked at me. "Bella, I've had a lot of time to think about what I want to say to you and the first and most important thing is that I'm sorry. You stuck by me when most people would have left, even after all the shit I put you through you stayed and I don't know why you did it, but thank you. And I'm sorry for every tear or amount of unnecessary stress I caused you when you really didn't need to put up with it."

I smiled. I didn't want to say anything, I just wanted him to talk.

"And now I know I look better and I cut my hair and I actually want to shower now." We both laughed. "But it doesn't mean that I am better. Not at all. Every day I don't have a drink isn't any easier than the day before. I'm gonna slip and I'm gonna need you Bells, more than I ever thought I was going to need you." He grabbed my hand. "My therapist, Dr. Emery, told me I should share my feelings with the people I love and I love you Bella, I really do. I discovered that in our time apart."

I smiled. That's what was behind his kiss; it was love, that's why it was new and different. "I love you too." I said it and it wasn't a lie.

"So, I'm going to tell you about the person that made me who I am, I'm going to tell you why I am such a fuck-up." He looked up at me with tortured eyes. "Alice." He swallowed hard and it was painful to just look at him let alone know that he was going to talk about her. "Have you ever met someone that completes you so perfectly?"

I nodded. I had met someone that completed me perfectly. He was about twenty minutes away, probably sitting in his dorm room going over the conversation we had just had, stressing. It made me feel guilty, stupid and angry that the person that completed me wasn't Jasper; but, just because that person completed you it didn't mean you needed to date that person. What if had been a woman? Did that mean I was lesbian, no, it just meant that I had a strong connection with a girl that was my friend. Just like how I have a connection with Edward who is my friend. Sort of.

"Well for me that was Alice." He told the story of how they met which I knew already, and then he went on to talk about their relationship and every aspect of it. He told me about how much he had loved her and what a beautiful, caring, bubbly person she was. He told me how she lit up a room when she walked into it. How she was a dancer and loved John Hughes movies and listened to 80's new wave like crazy. He talked about her for three hours, and I should have been pissed off to hear my boyfriend go on about his ex for that long but I wasn't, I was actually relieved and understood Jasper a lot better.

And then he told me about when she left. "She came over to my house and I knew something was up because she wasn't smiling. She always smiled, we could be at a fucking funeral and she would be smiling. And then she told me about me applying to Julliard and getting in, which I thought was amazing and I told her that I wanted to go with her. Fuck U of W. I would live in New York with her and everything would be great but she just wasn't having it." He closed his eyes and sighed and I could feel the weight of what he was carrying. "She told me she didn't love me anymore, that she hadn't for awhile, and then she left and that was it." He shook his head again and looked at me with anger behind his eyes. "Her excuse was 'I don't love you anymore' which was bullshit because she cried the entire time she was telling me it was over. It was the first time I had ever seen her cry. She looked on the bright side of everything." He rubbed his hands over his face and wiped the tears from his face and let his fingers linger on his scars.

"And the day of the party she called me. It was the first time I had talked to her since the break up. Your dad told her mom that I wasn't looking to hot and in turn Esme told Alice. She called me to ask me if I was alright. When I said no she told me to get over it and move on. She told me she had met someone else, that she had moved on and if she could do it so could I. His name is James. What kind of fucking name is James?" His eyes got wide. "It's an assholes name that's what kind of name it is and it sent me over the deep end. I called my dealer did coke all fucking day and drank until it didn't hurt anymore." He looked ashamed of his behavior and I wish that this conversation would be over so that we could start over.

"And I know it doesn't make sense why I flipped out the way I did. People break up every day but this wasn't a normal relationship and Alice wasn't just some girl. That relationship and that girl was my life. That relationship was the only thing I was good at, loving that girl was the only thing I was good at and then she left with no explanation. Dr. Emery thinks that's why I can't let go because there was no good excuse for it. The carpet was pulled out in front of me, you know, and everything was fine until it wasn't." He looked up at me and let his eyes search mine. "When that girl left she took everything that lighted my life with her and I was left stumbling around in the dark trying to figure out what the fuck happened. And I tried to move on, I tried to walk with my head held up high, but I kept stumbling over unseen obstacles, and for awhile I kept pulling myself up and pushing myself forward until I had fallen so many times I had no energy left and I just gave up. Without her my life had no meaning or purpose." He rubbed his eyes. "I'm sorry Bella but this is the reason I did the things I did, and I know it sucks to have to hear me talk about another woman like this but she made me who I am."

I leaned across the couch and hugged him. "No, I'm glad you're telling me. I wanted to know and I'm glad that I do. We need to be able to share things with each other." God, I was such a hypocrite.

I, regardless of how nice she may have been, wanted to kick Alice Cullen in the box. She hurt Jasper and that meant I wanted to hurt her and if the day ever came that I got to meet her there would be a cage match. I shit you not.

"And even though we've been broken up for a year and a half I've only started to deal with it now and things are going to move slowly but they are going to move forward, not like before Bella." He sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I want to touch you Bella, I do, but you have to understand why it's going to take me some time. I feel like I'm cheating and I know that's stupid and I know it doesn't make any sense…." He trailed off shaking his head.

"No it makes sense and I do understand and I'm not going anywhere." It didn't matter to me, we would get over this. It was just a matter of time and conditioning. So what if he couldn't touch me right now, that's what they made vibrators for. "Did your therapist say that it was healthy for you to have a girlfriend?" Regardless of how badly I wanted to make this work, it really seemed like he should be girlfriend free right now.

"He said it was good to have a woman in my life that loved me and was willing to put up with my shit. Because you have stuck by me pretty much since the beginning of my spiral he said it was good to have you with me because I already trust you. He said that you know my history and can help me through any problems I have. And as I slowly get better we can slowly work out our relationship problems, as I grow and move on with my life. As I move farther away from Alice." He finished his seventh bottle of water.

"Good. We can do this Jasper. We can move forward and I want to be with you." That was true, but not entirely. "I want to work on this." I used my hand to motion between us.

He smiled and leaned in and kissed me and pushed my head against his chest. I laid there listening to his heart beat running my fingers over the scars he had on his arms and smiled. I could get used to this. This is the way it should have been at the beginning and I would ignore my feelings for Edward. I had them, he knew I had them but I was just going have to explain to him that I was going to make it work with Jasper. That's just the way it was.

I got up and made us dinner and then we watch _Shaun of the Dead_. I relaxed into his arms and enjoyed the movie. I enjoyed him; his warmth, his arms around me, his clean smell, his beautiful face and I knew that this was good. This is the day when the good in my life would start.

But like almost everything I ever thought, I was wrong. I was sitting on the couch forgetting about the clusterfuck I had started when the clusterfuck came knocking on the door.

"Edward?" I was stunned. What the fuck was he doing here?

"You sound surprised to see me." He was wet; it must have been raining outside.

"I am. I'm very surprised to see you. What are you doing here?" I closed the door a little so the only space left open was where the door hit my body and my body hit the door frame.

"You told me to come by later." He rubbed his lips.

"No, I said I would call you later." He was trying to look over me.

"Oh." He shrugged and looked around. "Is Jasper here?"

"Bella, who's at the door?" It's almost like he heard him.

I turned my head slightly. "It's Edward."

"Edward? Edward!" I could hear him jump over the couch and he was coming towards us.

Edward pushed himself past me and walked into the apartment. "Come on in." I whispered as I shut the door and turned on some lights.

They were hugging in the dining room/living room/kitchen limbo my apartment had. "Jesus Jasper, you look amazing." He turned to me. "This is the way I remember Jasper." He smiled slyly just before he turned back and looked at Jasper again.

Edward took off his jacket and stayed, and stayed, and stayed. Him and Jasper talked for a long time, nearly ignoring me. The only thing that kept me involved were the small, barely there looks that Edward was shooting my way and the back round stories that Jasper was telling me so I wouldn't be lost as they took their trip down memory lane. Around twelve I got up grabbed a tub of ice cream and walked towards my room. Jasper turned and spoke up. "Where are you going babe?"

I smiled. "I'm just gonna go in my room, watch some TV, let you guys talk."

Edward perked up. "I can leave, it's not a problem." He was almost off the couch, his eyes burning into me.

"No. Stay. Really it's cool, catch up." I walked into my room and heard Edward yell at me. "Thanks Bells."

I snuggled into my bed and opened the tub and watched an infomercial for a power cooker until I heard the front door open and Rosalie come in. I heard her talk to Jasper and Edward and ask where I was.

Then she came into my room. "What the fuck are they doing out there?" She plopped down on my bed and took the spoon from me and started eating the ice cream.

"Having a slumber party apparently, they're holding hands and skipping down memory lane." I rolled my eyes and took the spoon from Rose. I looked at her and spoke cautiously. "Are you still mad at me?"

She shook her head. "No. I understand why you didn't tell me. Finding out you have feelings for someone when you are with someone else can really fuck you up. But it can be kinda worth it if Edward turns out to me the one." She looked at me affectionately. "So, are you going to tell me about Edward?"

I sighed and closed my eyes. "I have feelings for him and like idiot I told him on the phone this morning, and now he's here being stupid." I shook my head.

"So you like him? That's it. That's all that happened?" I knew what she wanted me to say. She wanted me to say that Edward and I were having this hot, passionate affair and he spends all his time fucking me stupid.

"We kissed one time at the party where Jasper…" I trailed off and looked at Rose. "Tried to kill himself and he stopped cause of Ashley, but I think that was before either of us had any feelings for each other. I was just pissed off at Jasper that night and took it out on Edward's mouth." I looked up at her and smirked.

"So what are you going to do?" She chucked the spoon in the empty carton.

"I'm gonna stay with Jasper, I have something with him and I'm gonna fix it." I took the carton and put it on my night table.

"So you are just going to write Edward off?" She had a really intense look on her face.

"I don't understand. I thought you didn't like Edward."

"I don't and I don't really like Jasper either, but it's all very entertaining." She smiled, told me to turn and started braiding my hair.

"Well I'm glad I amuse you." I started chipping my nail polish away.

"You know what this is kind of like? _Dawson's Creek_, you're Joey, Jasper is Dawson and Edward is Pacey."

"Oh fuck off, it's nothing like _Dawson's Creek_. For one Dawson wasn't a suicidal alcoholic."

"No, it's just like _Dawson's Creek_, two best friends are gonna fight over dark haired, dark eyed beauty." She tugged on my hair.

"Nothing is going to happen cause I'm gonna tell Edward that nothing's going to happen." She tapped on my shoulder and I leaned forward and passed her a hair tie. I felt her tie it around ends of my hair.

"Edward is a spoiled rich kid, just like me and we never stop until we get what we want. He'll make life really unpleasant for you." She flopped down beside me and looked at my hair. "You're all ready for bed."

I sighed. "I'm never going to get out of Fuckedville, am I?"

"You are the mayor of Fuckedville, sweetheart." She looked at my sympathetically and then leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek.

"Are you guys gonna make out?" I looked over at Edward and Jasper who were standing at my door.

Edward was smirking and both Jasper and Rosalie looked at him with confused looks. "What?" They both said in unison.

I stared back at him with a smug smile and a raised eyebrow. "Really? You want to go there?"

His eyes got wide and he swallowed hard and started shaking his head. "Um, I mean that's not what I mean, I, uh, you, uh, your room is white. You haven't painted yet." He was so nervous.

I smiled and made a digging motion with my hands. "Dug your way out of that one, Cullen."

Rose and Jasper were exchanging looks. Rose looked over at me. "What the fuck are you two talking about?"

Edward shook his head. "Nothing. I'm gonna go."

"Seriously Edward it's like three in the morning and pissing with rain and you're going to go home?" I wasn't going to let him do that. I looked over at Rosalie who was looking at me with a 'you don't want to get involved with him, so let the fucker walk home' look. "You can sleep on the couch and leave in the morning." I stood and walked towards them, grabbing Jasper's hand pulling him away from Edward and closer to me.

Jasper nodded. "Yeah man, it's way too late." He looked at me and pointed at Edward. "You've got a t-shirt he can wear or something?"

I nodded. Edward slowly smiled. "Cool, so I guess I'm staying."

I could hear Rose get up of the bed and pass Edward giving him the look of death. "Yeah, I guess you are." She then shot a weird look at me that I'm assuming was supposed to be an 'are you kidding' look until she realized that Jasper was standing right next to me and he could see her too.

"I'll go get your bed stuff." I separated myself from Jasper and walked down the hallway to get bed sheets and I made up the couch.

I went into my bedroom to change and Jasper snuggled into the bed and told me to hurry back. I took the shirt that I had selected for Edward out to him and handed it to him. "Well, you know where everything is so if you need anything just take it." I turned off the light and headed back to my room.

"Bella." He was so quiet.

I turned back towards him and took a few steps towards him. "What?"

His hand reached out and grabbed my wrist. He pulled me towards him so that our bodies were pushed up against one another. He slowly took his hand and slid it up my throat and held the base of my face. He held me still as he leaned in and softly kissed me, it was no more than a peck but it sent waves of heat through my body. We parted and he brought his lips to my ear. "Good night Bella."

He let go of me and I stumbled backwards trying to say the words 'good night Edward' but it came out as nothing more than incoherent gibberish. I retreated to my room flustered and out of breath and closed my door resting my forehead against it. I closed my eyes and tried to control my breathing, I brought my hand up to my lips; they burned from his touch. I would have stood there all night if it wasn't for Jasper telling me to come to bed.

I climbed into the bed and pushed myself up against him and closed my eyes. He kissed my head and I counted his breaths as I tried not to think of Edward Cullen, hoping and wishing and praying for sleep to come.

**EPOV**

She rushed into her bedroom and I smiled. It was nothing; just a quick kiss and it had stunned her.

I put on the _Spice Girl_ shirt she had given me and stretched out in satisfaction.

She may have been sleeping in Jasper's arms that night; but, I knew she was wide awake, thinking about me, wishing she was in mine.

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**Okay so that was chapter 8, my bitch of a chapter. I'm afraid that some of you won't understand why she is staying with Jasper. It is a complicated emotion and to quote Dumbledore sometimes people have to choose between what is right and what is easy and right now staying with Jasper is right and I totally love Jasper he is such a wounded puppy, but Edward is Edward and if you are like me you are totally torn between the two. **

**I also want to say I'm sorry to into. scrapes I totally got you mixed up with someone else when I said that your reviews make me sweat, I reread your reviews and they are awesome. I'm sorry sweetheart, I didn't mean it, the reviews are lovely and I love them. Also Ashley is getting over your hate for her. Don't worry about it she'll be fine. **

**I wanna shout out to ARenee363, drkvctry, Tuesday Jane, RedisthenewBlack, and Holscad you all take the time to write such impressive reviews and you pick up on things that some people miss I love it and I love reading your reviews. I also want to say how much I love Lottie 2303 who doesn't give a fuck about being nice and says exactly what she thought of the chapter, she doesn't sugar coat it even though for the most part the reviews are very supportive and nice. I love it.**

**I also wanna thank everyone that reads it like I said before it means a lot to me, I know I selected a few above but I read every review and I love them all. **

**Okay so I've had some people say that the description that I posted of my story sucks and there it right it does. I can't rewrite it cause I fucking suck at summing things up and I honestly had no idea where this story was going when I wrote the first chapter, I make up a lot of stuff as I go along. So if anyone wants to rewrite my summary I wouldn't be opposed to changing it, cause like I said before it blows monkey balls. **

**I love reviews more than walking around a grocery store looking for things to microwave with Robert Pattinson. **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: I saw Robert Pattinson half naked today. It was a good day. **

**So here is chapter nine. I didn't make you all wait that long, now did I. It's got a mix of angst and fluff and angst. It's so much fun. We're slowly inching our way to the chapter that I have been planning since the beginning. (Insert sinister laugh here.) **

**Sorry it's been a long day. Enjoy everyone.**

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**BPOV**

"Fucking global warming." I shook my head and sipped my iced tea while Rosalie shook her hair out and let the sun hit her pale skin.

"I don't know, it's October and it's 72 degrees outside, so I'm not complaining." She brought her diet coke to her lips and sipped daintily.

"Less than a month ago we were wearing winter coats and now we are sitting on a patio, in tank tops, sipping cool drinks and that doesn't concern you?" Global warming scared the shit out of me. I had no idea why it just did. I was convinced it was happening quickly and in less than fifty years Seattle would be under water.

"It doesn't concern me if the weather is nice. Plus, it's convenient for slutty Halloween costumes and revealing winter formal gowns." She leaned forward and looked at me. "You're coming to winter formal right?"

"Do I really have a choice?" I tilted my head to one side and ate the last piece of the cake Rose and I had ordered.

She shook her head. "No. I've already picked out your dress." I just stared at her. Rosalie liked to dress me like I was L.A. hooker Barbie. "What!?" She said defensively, shrugging. "It's tasteful, modest and rather simple. It's an awesome color too, perfect for your skin tone."

"Arg." I sighed and stole a carrot off of Rosalie's plate. "Are you gonna eat the rest of your sandwich?" I pointed at it.

She shook her head. "Jesus Bella, you eat like a Gilmore." She stopped the waitress and ordered another coke.

I shrugged. "Are you going to Nessie's Halloween party tomorrow?" I said spitting out some of the sandwich.

Rosalie nodded. "Yeah, she's the only one I know that's having a party and I don't feel like going to a bar, it costs too much money." She took a mirror out and checked herself out.

I swallowed and drank the rest of my iced tea and cupped one of my hands to my ears. "I'm sorry Rosalie, what was that last statement? I had trouble hearing you because of that silver spoon in your mouth." I gave her a bitchy smile.

"Uh, go fuck yourself." She bit into a piece of celery. I laughed and drank half of her diet coke that had just arrived. She turned her head to watch the cars that passed and then looked back at me. "Is Jazz coming to Ness's or is he sitting this one out?"

I shook my head and finished her sandwich. "No, he's coming. I'm a little worried because it's a social situation with alcohol, but he said that his therapist said that going to social events is a healthy part of recovery if you have a healthy support group around you, case and point, me." I pointed to myself and twisted my hair into a bun at the top of my head. "He's in college, kids in college drink. You can't expect him to avoid everywhere that serves alcohol or he would never be able to go anywhere."

"So you won't be drinking tomorrow night?"

"No, my sweet, loving, charming dear, I will not. I think it's good, he should be able to enjoy himself, under mine and Emmett's watchful eye." I smiled and looked across the street and saw Edward walking with Ashley. She was talking about something, pointing at herself and then pointing at him. He didn't seem to be listening just nodding robotically to whatever she was saying. I slumped in my seat and tried to hide my face.

Rosalie started looking around. "Who are you hiding from? What's going on?" She kept looking around.

I tried to swat at her from my lowered position but didn't come anywhere close. "Stop it. Edward is across the street with Ashley. Stop looking around, cover yourself."

She crouched down in her seat. "So, you still haven't dealt with that yet, huh?"

"I was going to talk to him at the party tomorrow. I wanted to be somewhere in public so that he wouldn't try anything." They passed us and I sat up, so did Rose.

"Would he do that? Try something I mean." The check came and Rosalie slid it towards her and placed a credit card on top of it.

"Uh, yeah. The night he stayed over. When I went to give him a shirt to sleep in, he kissed me." Her eyes widened and I nodded. Rosalie let out a sound of disbelief.

"What!?" She shook her head and laughed. "Edward's got balls I'll give him that, he definitely gets a point for that one." The waitress came and picked up the credit card.

I narrowed my eyes. "What do you mean he gets a point?"

"I mean I am keeping a point system rating the two men in your life so when it comes time to make an informed decision you have something to reference." She shrugged and cocked an eyebrow like this was a no brainer, like I was an idiot for not already producing my own pros and cons list.

But I was interested. "Who's winning?" I asked shyly inching closer to her.

She smirked. "Well they are both in the negatives because when it comes right down to it both of them are morons but they are pretty much equal. Except Edward now has one point over Jasper." She was looking upward, squinting one eye as if she was really concentrating. "They get points for different things, Jasper went to rehab so he gets a point, but he lost like ten because he had to go to rehab in the first place. Edward gets a point for having balls, but he lost five because he recommended that you should get drunk, it's very complicated." The credit card receipt came and Rose signed it.

"It doesn't matter because I'll talk to Edward and he'll back off. He's my friend and if he truly has feelings for me he'll give me what I want." I drank the rest of her drink.

"Edward will not back down and you will have to make a choice. He kissed you with your boyfriend in the next room and you know he's serious cause Jasper is his friend, was his friend. You are suffering from delusion my friend and mark my words... Jasper will find out. There may even be a fight." She was picking something out from underneath her perfectly manicured nails.

"There won't be a fight cause Jasper will never know."

"I bet you a hundred dollars that before Christmas break Jasper will know that you and Edward have feelings for each other, and him and Edward will have physically fought over you at least once." She was smug. I was nervous because this might happen.

But I agreed to it none the less. I shook her hand. "You've got yourself a bet little lady." Why was I betting on this? I was a moron.

She smiled confidently and looked around the restaurant again until her gaze came back to me. "What the fuck is he still doing with Ashley?"

I shrugged and reached into my pocket and pulled out some chap stick which I applied. "Keeping up appearances I guess. I don't know. Edward is a complicated boy."

Rosalie picked up her purse and a few of her shopping bags. "Are you ready to go?"

I nodded, picked up my bags, walked through the restaurant and out the front door onto the sidewalk. "Did you get everything for your costume?"

Rose nodded. "Did you?"

"Yeppers." We walked down the street to the parking lot where we had parked the car. "Can you help me with my hair tomorrow?"

We got into the car and she started it. "What do you need me to do?" She pulled out of the parking lot and raced towards our apartment.

"I need to crimp it, tease it, then curl it then put it up in this pompadoury, rats nest on the top of my head." I was using my hands to orbit my head showing her how large I wanted my hair to be.

She looked at me with a confused look on her face. "What the hell are you going as?"

"You'll just have to wait and see." I looked over at her and smiled.

"Well, we'll wash it and braid it tonight so we can skip the crimping tomorrow." She turning into our apartment parking lot and parked in our spot.

I nodded and when we got into the apartment that's what we did. We braided my hair and for the rest of the day I looked ridiculous, the multiple braid look did not suit me.

I went to bed early that night because I was exhausted and because I had absolutely nothing else to do. I didn't really sleep. My heart was beating like crazy and it was all I could hear. The braids were uncomfortable as well. I hadn't seen Edward since he had left that morning, five days earlier, and I was freaking out about what was going to happen when I talked to him tomorrow.

I was running through the way I would like the conversation to go. He would already be there when I got to Nessie's, probably dressed like a Reservoir Dog or something. He would be smoking a cigarette and he would have a couple beers in him. I would go up to him and hug and kiss him like I always did. I would grab one of his hands and lead him to a quiet corner and tell him exactly what I wanted. He would protest and complain at first but when I threw the, if you really cared about me you wouldn't make my life any more difficult than it needs to be card down on the table, he would reconsider what he wants. If that didn't work I would accuse him of being selfish and make him feel like an asshole for betraying a supposedly good friend.

This was going to work. As weird as Edward was, he was also sensible. He had a good head on his shoulders and he would see how ridiculous he was being.

But sleep didn't come any easier. I could hear Rose's voice in the back of my head. I kept thinking of the possibility that Edward wouldn't back down, that he would be persistent and this would end with everyone being alone and miserable.

I was also worried about Jasper. What would happen to him if he found out? What would he do? Would this put him over the edge? I couldn't let that happen.

I finally got to sleep but woke up early and undid all the braids in my hair. My hair was huge. Like Diana Ross huge. Fuck. I didn't want to look at myself anymore so I made some coffee, got some cereal and watched movies until Rose woke up.

I managed to get through _The Ring, Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer_ and _A Nightmare on Elm Street_ before Rosalie finally got up, at five.

She shuffled into the living room and just stared at my hair with her mouth wide open. "What happened to your hair?"

I looked over at her and ignored her question. "How did you sleep?"

"How can anybodies hair get that much volume from just braiding it?"

"You look well rested. You must have slept what like what? Fifteen hours."

"Bella I really don't think we need to curl or tease you hair, you most definitely have enough volume." Her open mouth was slowly curling up into a smile that she was failing at hiding. She turned her body so that she was facing me. "I can fix this, don't worry."

"I wasn't." She grabbed my wrist and brought me into the bathroom and got to work. An hour and a half later my hair was exactly the way I imagined it. It was an elegant mess. "Rose you really are a miracle worker."

She shrugged and tried to act like she wasn't super flattered that I had complemented her. "Yeah, well you know what can I say." She walked around me so she could look at her work from all angles. "Can you handle the make-up?"

I nodded. She smiled and turned. "So, I'm gonna go get ready too, if you need anything just holla." She cupped her hands to her mouth and then walked out of the bathroom. I couldn't help but laugh when Rose tried to be 'gangsta'. I heard her close her door to her room and then start playing the new Britney Spears album at deafening levels.

I got to work on my face applying a thin layer of white face make-up making my already pale face white and set it with white powder. I darkened my eyes, made my cheek bones dramatic and my lips blood red. By the time I was done I looked like a porcelain doll.

I had a while before I had to change so I watched _Halloween_ to pass time. I probably should have written my essay on the importance of the _Watchmen_ in the graphic novel world, but I didn't.

At nine I got into my full body unitard that was half white, half red and fitted my like a tank top rather than having sleeves. I put on my skin tight black short shorts, a black corset that Rose helped me tie, a black, shrugged biker jacket and thigh high black boots with a four inch heel. I was uncomfortable as balls, but I looked awesome; the corset was doing amazing things for my breasts.

Almost as if they knew I had just finished dressing I heard a knock on the door. I opened it and Emmett was standing on the other side dressed in a suit with a black wig on that was pulled into a ponytail at the nape of his neck. He looked at me and his mouth fell open. "Holy shit Bells; Harley Quinn never looked so good."

"You know what I am?"I was shocked. I had planned on spending the entire night explaining to people who I was.

"Yeah, Jazz told me." He walked past me into the living room and sat on the couch. I turned back around to see Jasper standing at the door in full Joker get up. "Wow Bella." He walked towards me and snaked his arms around my tiny corseted waist. "That's quite the get up." He looked me up and down. "I'd kiss you but then I'd mess up both of our make-up." He looked away from me, slightly embarrassed. "There's a sentence I never thought I say."

I laughed. "I really need you to complete the ensemble. You look amazing Jazz." The scars he naturally had on his face made him look that much more like Heath Ledger's Joker, and I was proud of him for putting so much effort into it. "Are you ready for tonight?"

He nodded and only looked worried for a second, then he smiled. "Absolutely. I'm gonna be surrounded by good friends and a beautiful woman who loves me. Why should I be worried?"

Fuck the makeup. I leaned in a kissed him lightly. "It's red on red we're fine." I smiled and squeezed his hand.

I could hear the sound of Rose's high heels clacking down the hallway and she gasped when she saw us. "Oh my God Bella! You look amazing!" She looked past me to get a better look at Jasper. "So do you Jasper." She crossed her arms and brought her index finger up to her bottom lip and tapped it. "So Jazz, if you are the Joker that makes Bella Harley Quinn. Amazing, I love it."

Jasper walked towards Rosalie and I shut the door. "Yeah, I figured the Joker was a natural choice considering I already have the scars." He laughed a little.

Rose's face got really serious. "That's not funny Jasper."

I smiled and looked at Jasper and then at Rose. "It's a little funny." I let out a burst of laughter and then changed the subject to what Rose was. I looked her up and down. She was wearing a white dress shirt that fit her a little too well and was unbuttoned at the top showing of her pushed up cleavage. She had black fishnet stockings and black short shorts and five inch gold stilettos. She was also wearing a black wig that came to the middle of her neck. "Okay, Rose you are dressed like that and Emmett looks like that so that makes you guys Mia Wallace and Vincent Vega."

She clapped and jumped up and down and looked at Emmett. "See I told you she'd know what we were."

I laughed. "Rose that's not what Uma Thurman looked like in that movie."

"It's a creative reimagining." She stood up straight and crossed her arms. "Bella! You've seen Mean Girls. This is the one day I can slut it up and no one can say anything, not even you." She smiled.

"I think you look great babe." Emmett came up and kissed her on the side of the face.

She smiled and kissed Emmett and looked over at us. "Are you guys ready to go?"

We both nodded and left. We took Rosalie's car and Emmett drove, he had also given up drinking for Jasper's sake.

Ness had a little apartment about ten minutes east of where Rose and I lived. When we got there it was packed full of people. Even Easton was there; he walked in shortly after us.

"Bella!" Easton came running up to me with a prosthetic nose on. "You look amazing. What the hell are you?"

"I'm Christopher Nolan's Harley Quinn." He looked at me confused. I shook my head and explained further. "If Harley Quinn was in _The Dark Knight_ this is what she'd look like."

"Cool. You look like a porcelain doll, hooker, clown." I furrowed my brow I couldn't really tell if that was a complement or a burn. Jasper, Rose and Emmett had gone into the kitchen and I was slightly concerned that I couldn't see what Jasper was doing.

"What are you?"

"Oh." He looked away from me over to a guy that was talking to Ness and started yelling his name, Taylor. Taylor walked towards us with Ness who grabbed hold of Jacob. Easton put his arm around Taylor and introduced us. "We are Harvey Milk and Scott Smith."

I tried to think about who played Scott Smith in the movie. "James Franco's character."

Taylor nodded and then kissed Easton. Easton had a boyfriend and he was cute. It made me smile; he was such a good guy and totally deserved it.

"Let's go mingle." Taylor turned and started to talk to a witch.

Easton moved closer to me. "I saw Edward downstairs." Why was he telling me this, I hadn't told him anything about Edward. "His costume is beyond words. I can't explain it, well I could but it's just something you have to see for yourself." He smiled and kissed me on the cheek. "You look beautiful doll." And then he went over and grabbed Taylor's hand.

I looked over a Ness and Jacob. "What are you guys?" They were dressed normally.

They both pulled something out of their pockets and put them in their mouths. "We're vampires." Jacob said with both of them showing me their teeth.

"Nessie!" I heard Ashley run up behind me and then knock into me as she went to hug Ness. "Hey Ash!" She and Ness had formed some sort of bond apparently.

Ashley looked over at me. "Hey Bella, you look awesome." He voice had no emotion when she spoke to me.

She was Silk Spectre. She was wearing the exact same costume from the graphic novel and she looked amazing. It was latex and it fit her to a tee. Her hair was long and she was sporting a heavy bang. "Ashley, that's an amazing costume. Where did you get it?"

"I made it." She was not happy to see me. I think she was starting to feel a distance between Edward and her and she figured it had something to do with me.

"It's very impressive." I paused and just asked her what I wanted to know. "Where's Edward?"

"He's taking his time; he's a little uncomfortable in his costume." She grinned slightly and then turned back to Ness.

I tried to think of what he could have possibly dressed up as. I started at Ashley and then it hit me. No. There was no way she convinced him to dress up like Dr. Manhattan, there was no way. I turned to see him standing there in nothing but a black speedo and black converse sneakers. Every part of his immaculate body was covered in light blue body paint, except for his hands. His bronzed hair was flopping everywhere; the blue made his hair look even more golden, which resulted in him looking even more ridiculous. He looked drunk and he was smoking a cigarette and slowly walked up to me. "Don't you say a word."

"There are no words." I whispered to him and then started laughing.

He was not a happy camper.

**EPOV**

She was enjoying this far more than she should have. She stepped away from me so that she was standing beside Jacob who was now laughing too. "What happened to you?"

"Shut up. I think he looks awesome." Ashley came up to me with the intention of wrapping her arm around mine but realized that she was going to get paint all over her.

"Ness, you are going to have a serious _Arrested Development_ situation on your hands if you don't watch out for Tobias here." Bella just kept laughing. She looked amazing. Everything about her costume was tight and made her tiny body look irresistible. Even though she was laughing her eyes were dark, and when she looked up at me through her sinfully long lashes she looked nefarious.

"Yes." Jacob looked over at Bella and they high fived.

"Fuck you both." I passed all of them and went into the kitchen to get a beer.

I found Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper in the kitchen talking with a cowboy, a clown and Easton dressed as Harvey Milk, I think. They all stopped and stared at me.

"Oh my God." Rosalie was grinning like an idiot. "This is too perfect."

"Well you better move or I'm gonna blue all over you." I walked towards her and she moved behind Emmett so that I wouldn't get anything on her. I took a beer out of the fridge, opened it, took a swig and looked at everyone. "What?" I was so irritated.

"You're all blue man and half naked." Jasper said trying not smile.

"I'm Dr. Manhattan." They all looked at me confused. "You know from the graphic novel Watchmen." Jasper nodded but the rest of them just stared at me. "There's a movie coming out next year."

"Oh yeah." They all nodded except for Rosalie who still had no idea what I was talking about.

Jasper walked towards me. "How did Ashley talk you into this?" He looked me up and down and laughed again. The other five resumed their conversation.

"It was a combination of my stupidity, my inability to stand up for myself, sex and-"

He cut me off. "Booze."

I laughed and rubbed my bottom lip and looked at my fingers that had blue all over them. "Yeah, and booze. I keep forgetting I've got makeup on."

He laughed and took a sip from the bottle of water that he had. "That's a combination that I know all too well." For a couple of minutes we said nothing to each other and then he turned his body towards me. "I just wanted to thank you man, you know, for taking care of Bells while I was away. She was gonna need someone and I'm glad it was you." He smiled.

I stared at him surprised by my reaction. The wound that Bella had inflicted a week earlier should have burned from the salt he just rubbed in it, but the truth was I felt nothing. The wound was nearly closed and I found myself staring into the face of a man I barely knew. He was Jasper now, not Jasper two years ago. The only thing that connected him to me now was the childhood we shared together.

It all became so clear to me at that moment; the moment he was thanking me for doing something that would eventually destroy him, that I realized that I didn't feel guilty about perusing Bella because Jasper no longer meant anything to me. The Jasper that was heartbroken over my sister and used to pull pranks with me when we were teenagers, that was the Jasper I felt something for. But this Jasper, the Jasper that abandoned me, became an alcoholic and consistently fucked over the girl that I was in love with, that Jasper was just a man. I didn't hate him, but I can't say I cared much for him either.

I chugged most of my beer while I stared at him. I fucking hated drinking beer from a bottle. I put the empty bottle down on the counter and smiled. "No problem man. The pleasure was all mine." A strange feeling came over me and I stopped for a moment to try and figure out what it was. It was a feeling of true and unadulterated selfishness, and I liked it. I knew what could happen to Jasper if I was to steal Bella away, but I had a hard time caring. I knew that made me a bad person, but I couldn't help myself.

It's not like I asked to fall in love with her, it just happened.

I looked up and saw her enter the kitchen and realized that everything was worth giving up for her. Everything. I would destroy every relationship I had to have her, I would give up every worldly possession to have her, and I knew it would be worth it because I knew we were made for each other. I could feel it with every fibre of my being; I knew it was right because I was rarely wrong. I would pursue her to my last breath because I knew that there would be no one else because no one would ever compare to her.

I wasn't going to get all _Fatal Attraction_ on her ass, but I wasn't going to go down without a fight.

She slowly slinked around the people in the now very crowded kitchen and slid her hand into Jasper's. "Hey." She smiled and then looked at me. "Hey." Her smile disappeared.

"If Jasper is the Joker that makes you Harley Quinn. Right?" I wanted another beer but realized that I couldn't move. Jake came to my rescue and handed me another beer and a glass. I looked over at him and winked. "Thanks babe." I poured the beer slowly into the glass.

"That's right." She looked at me through her lashes again.

We didn't say anything to one another and stood together in a awkward silence until Easton got up on a counter and started yelling. "My name is Harvey Milk and I'm here to recruit you." He pumped his fist in the air and everyone cheered. I looked over a Bella who was laughing. "They may take our lives but they will never take... OUR FREEDOM!"

Everyone started cheering and I looked over at Bella and Jasper slightly confused. "Isn't that the speech from _Braveheart_?"

She looked over at me slowly nodding looking just as confused as I was. "Yeah, I don't think Easton knows who Harvey Milk is." She laughed and then kissed Jasper's neck. "Let's go sit down."

He nodded and looked over at me. "See you later man." He pointed at me and then left the room with Bella who quickly looked back at me just before they exited.

She avoided me for most of the night; well it seemed like she was avoiding me, she never came back in the kitchen. I couldn't leave because I was afraid that I was going to get blue all over Renesmee's apartment and this way the kitchen wouldn't be that hard to clean if I did. I could have killed Ashley for making me do this but in the end it was my fault, in the end I was a guy and I fell victim to my hormones.

She finally came to me later in the night when a fair amount of people had left. She asked me to meet her on the balcony in ten minutes, and ten minutes later I was standing in front of her.

"Hey." She was playing with her hands nervously, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

"Hey." I sipped some of the beer I had in the glass with me.

"I wanted to clear the air about the phone conversation we had at the beginning of the week." She was really nervous, she couldn't even look at me.

"Yeah, what about it?" I was trying to sound nonchalant, but I just ended up sounding like an asshole.

"I just wanted to say that I know I said that I have feelings for you and that wasn't a lie." She looked at me. "But, I'm gonna stay with Jasper. I'm making my choice and I'm choosing him. Our relationship's not perfect, I know that, but it can be and my feelings for you are fleeting and in a couple of weeks they'll be gone." She took a step towards me and her shoes made a clicking noise on the cement. "But I want to be your friend. I want to stay friends with you because I enjoy the time we spend together." She took another step towards me. "If you still want to be my friend."

I looked down at her as she looked up at me while the street lights below lit her face. I could say yes. I could say 'Yes Bella, I would love nothing more than to be you friend. I would love nothing more than to see you every day and have you ramble on about how amazing Jasper is.' But I wasn't going to. I leaned in and shook my head and said, "No."

She looked shocked and took a step away from me and stammered on her word. "W-What?"

"I said that I don't want to be your friend." I finished my drink and perched the glass on a lawn chair.

"I don't understand." She looked confused and kept backing away from me.

"I don't want to be just your friend; I wanna be more than that." I started walking towards her. I rubbed my hands over my face and then remembered I had paint on my face. "Fuck. I really wish we weren't doing this when I'm blue and half naked."

"I just told you Edward I'm staying with Jasper. I am with Jasper, I don't how to be any clearer than I'm being." He eyes were burning into me.

"And I'm telling you that your words, Isabella Swan, mean shit. I've been watching you and you don't look at him the way you look at me. Your body doesn't move the same way around him the way does around me-" She started looking at me with disgust. "And you can make that face all you want and say that you don't want to see me anymore, but we both know you're a liar." I was in her face now. I wished that I wasn't, but the alcohol was making me all dramatic.

"Why are you doing this Edward?" She was very quiet.

"Because I have never gone after anything that I've wanted in my entire life, I've always stepped back and done what is best for everyone else but not this time. I'm not going to back down, Bells. And I'm sorry because I know that makes things very difficult for you, but I can't just step away. And I'll wait for you because I've never been so sure of something in my entire life."

She was crying and I wish that I could make her stop, but I knew that every word out of my mouth from now on was just going to make things worse. "You're going to be waiting a long time for me Edward."

"We'll see." I didn't want to fight with her anymore. She had said her bit and I had said mine and it felt like we were in the exact same place. "You look beautiful tonight Bells, and I'm sorry that the evening had turn out this way, but just don't give up on me okay. I know I'm acting like a prick, but I wanna show you that this isn't just a crush, or obsession, or lust this is-"

"What love?" She was looking at me like I was a fucking moron. "You think this is love? You have a very skewed perception on love, life and reality Edward Cullen, let me tell you that." She turned away from me. "Edward this is not love this is just a passing infatuation that _will_ pass. I guarantee it. I'm not worth it."

I stared at her not know if I should say anything. She shook her head and walked towards the door. And then I decided to speak up. "You're wrong. You are worth it." She stopped with her hand on the door and then shook her head again and walked back into the apartment.

I stood out there and smoked a cigarette. What a fucking nightmare. That really couldn't have gone any worse even if I wanted it too.

When I came back in Bella, Jasper, Rose and Emmett were gone. I wanted to leave too, I had been standing for almost four hours, and I was exhausted. But Ashley wanted to stay, so I went into the bathroom and showered so that I could at least sit down. Jacob was nice enough to lend me some clothes that were way too big for me, and I passed out on Renesmee's roommate's bed an hour later.

I woke up to someone kicking me. "Get up Edward." It was Jacob. I rolled over and sat up and took the glass of water he had in his hand and chugged it. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine. My mouths a little dry but other than that I'm fine." I handed the glass back to him and he helped me up.

"Ashley is pissed by the way. So caution."

"Thanks man." I walked out and saw Ashley sitting on the couch watching TV with her arms crossed, she was still in her costume.

She looked up at me. "Did you sleep well?" She was pissed.

"Yeah, do you wanna go?"

"Yes I want to go." She and Jake both said goodbye to Renesmee and then left. Jake and I followed her while, but we said nothing. She had been getting more and more distant the more and more I fell in love with Bella. I couldn't break up with her, I couldn't, I needed her to keep up appearances, but I knew it wouldn't last much longer. She was going to break up with me soon, in a week or two, or at least I hoped she would.

I was a bastard.

We took the bus back to our dorm and she stared out the window while Jake just kept shooting me uncomfortable looks.

She walked ahead of us and went into her dorm without saying anything to either of us. I walked into our dorm and laid down on my bed, Jake did the same thing. "Well that was fucking awkward."

I nodded and turned over and buried my face in my pillow.

"Why don't you just break up with her?"

I turned my head to face him. "Because it's just easier this way. This way I can go to functions with someone and not be the creepy single guy that leers over the girl that he's in love with."

"You love Bella?" He paused. "That was fast."

"It's not that fast. Do you love Renesmee?" I was going to win this argument.

He looked away from me. "I see your point. But she's with Jasper man, Jasper." He was trying to plea with me, I knew he thought this was going to end badly and he was probably right.

I didn't say anything. I didn't want to get into this argument with Jake.

"Are you going to the winter formal?"

"What's a winter formal?"

"It's a dance Edward."

"Ugh." I buried my face in my pillow again.

"It weird that Ashley hasn't asked you yet, but she will or maybe you should ask her, be a gentleman."

I just made groaning noises into my pillow.

"Bella's probably going to be there, this type of event is totally Rosalie's thing and she is not going to let Bella sit this one out."

I turned to face him. He was looking at his hands; he was uncomfortable talking about Bella and it confused me as to why. I think it had something to do with Renesmee being friends with Ashley.

I sighed. "Well if Bella is going to be there then I guess I'm going to this formal thing." I turned my face back into my pillow.

"Please don't do anything stupid."

"I'm not promising anything." I said into my pillow and came out all muffled, but I knew he heard what I said because I heard as he sighed heavily and flopped onto his bed.

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**So there it was the elusive chapter nine.**

**So hopeful some of this makes sense and you don't think that Edward is the biggest prick in the world or maybe some of you just think he's a bigger prick. I'm not sure. **

**I want to thank everyone one, a million times thank you. I love the reviews.**

**Asher55 please don't kill me; Ashley isn't the sweetest character in this chapter but she's got her reasons. I'll see you this weekend. **

**Reviews, Reviews, Reviews! Please.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Hey everyone it's time for chapter ten. I love this chapter and I really hope that you all love it too. **

**I ****seriously**** suggest that you all listen to a song called **_**Strange and Beautiful**_** by **_**Aqualung**_** if you have never heard it before. It will help you understand what they are talking about; it's also an insanely beautiful song. I have left a link to the music video if you are unable to download it. **

**I have also posted links to the dress that the girls are wearing in my profile if you wanna see what I chose for them to wear. **

**This is the formal chapter hope you all enjoy. **

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**BPOV**

"Bella stop being such a baby! Come out and let me look at you we might need to hem it." I could hear her tapping her foot right outside the dressing room.

I stared at myself in the mirror and smiled. She was right; it was going to be needed to be hemmed. I turned and walked out of the dressing room. I looked at her and gave her a happy, embarrassed smile. "I'm mad at you."

The humongous smile that was on her face faded and she looked hurt and confused. "What the fuck for?" She crossed her arms and stamped her foot.

"Because I'm unconditionally and irrevocably in love with this dress and now I actually want to go to this stupid thing." I smiled placing my cold hand on my scorching red cheek.

She smiled smugly. "How could you not be, bead embellished bodice, empire waistline, it's 100% silk and it's a perfect color for you, royal blue. I knew you'd like it. Do I have good taste or what?" She looked me up and down and looked at the seamstress. "Take it up about two inches." She looked back at me. "Then it will be perfect, and I saw these amazing strappy silver sandals and this vintage silver clutch that would just be the cherry on top." She took a step back and stared at me and then giggled, clapped her hands and jumped up and down. "You're going to be a vision Bella." I rolled my eyes. She giggled again. "I'm gonna try on my dress." She ran towards the dressing rooms and entered one.

The seamstress asked me to step onto a stand so she could make the necessary adjustments to the dress. I stood in front of the mirror and gathered my hair all up on the crown of my head. I was definitely wearing my hair up and no jewellery, I wanted to keep this simple. I looked down and watched what the woman was doing. "How much does this dress cost?" I asked; I was curious.

She pointed at me. "This one?" I nodded. "This one is four-hundred and eighteen dollars." She went back to work.

I stood there with my mouth open. No. I wasn't letting her buy this for me. I looked up and saw her standing there in a stunning red dress. It was long and fitted her perfectly, like all things that Rosalie tried on usually did. A beaded band ran under her breasts and came up and turned into straps. I couldn't see the back, but I was sure it was going to be open. "Rosalie this dress is four-hundred and eighteen dollars. I am not letting you buy this for me."

She looked irritated and walked towards me. "Bella, I am buying you this dress. My father has way too much money and he has no problem letting me spend it. I'm buying it end of discussion." She turned to face me and I could see the back of the dress the straps criss-crossed in the back and it swooped down and ended just above her ass. It was totally Rosalie.

"But you already pay for so much already."

"Bella, I pay for those things because I want to. You don't have money for rent but I do, you don't have money for a dress but I do. Bella, you've had a shitty couple of months, let me buy you an expensive dress that makes you look beautiful so that we can spend one night at a dance hopefully, fingers crossed, where nothing goes wrong. Just a couple hours with good friends and the man who is in love with you." She had walked up to me and placed her hands on my shoulders.

I looked up at her. "Which one?" I was upset. I shouldn't have been upset; she was doing something nice for me. I should have just said thank you and shut my mouth, but like everything I had to screw it up and make it all dramatic and stupid. Was I one of those girls who fed on drama? I think I was.

"Oh Bells." She looked heartbroken and a little angry. I don't think she liked not being able to help me at all in this situation. That was the thing with Rosalie; she had a natural yearning to take care of things and when she couldn't it drove her mad.

"It's so difficult because I see Edward at work and I try to be cold and ignore him, but no matter how hard I try, by the end of the shift we are laughing and talking and acting the way we did when we were just friends. It makes absolutely no sense because he said he couldn't just be my friend and now he's acting like my friend. What the fuck is that?" I shrugged and stepped off the platform.

"Maybe he's trying a new strategy?"

"We'll it's fucking working." I walked over to a small couch and sat down, Rose followed. "It would be so much easier if I could just push all the feelings out, but I can't and every time I see him I'm reminded of why I developed feelings for him in the first place. Then I feel wickedly guilty and then I feel like shit, I feel like shit all the time." I brought my hand to my forehead and leaned forward resting my elbow on my knee.

"Do you love him?" She had started rubbing my back.

"Maybe; I don't know. It doesn't feel the same as it does with Jasper. It's different. It's not better or worse it's just different." I sat up.

"Do you love Jasper?" She looked at me with the most concern I had ever seen on her face.

I furrowed my brow. "Of course I do."

"I was just making sure. I was worried you were telling yourself that you love him so that you can justify staying with him when really it isn't love at all, it's guilt. You would feel guilty if you left him now, so you stay with him because you are worried and want nothing to happen to him. But you do love him love him?"

"Yes, that's why this whole Edward situation is that much harder. If I didn't love Jasper, I would just cheat on him, it wouldn't even be an issue. I would go behind his back and have my fill of Edward while I helped Jasper get better and he'd be none the wiser. But I'm not going to do that because I love him; but Edward feels right, too and I'm fucked." I shook my head and ran my hands through my hair.

"Well, I guess it comes down to the age old question; who do you want more?" She was looking at me with that all knowing look that I hated.

"It's not that simple Rosalie." I looked away from her.

"I know that, but in this case it has to be."

We were silent for a long time. I finally turned and looked at her. "I have no idea. It's the thought of never know how great being with Edward would be. I want to know, I want to see if we would work well as a couple as we did as friends. But it's going well with Jasper, he talks me and tells me things and he's touching me again."

Rose cocked an eyebrow. "Really?" She smirked. "What happened?"

I made noises suggesting that it made me uncomfortable, and that I didn't really want to talk about it.

"Oh Christ Bella, just tell me what base you got to considering your acting like an eighth grader." She looked at me slightly irritated and crossed her arms.

I tried to think of what base what we did fell under. The bases were always changing and I never knew what fell under which one. "What base does fingering fall under?"

She rolled her eyes. "Second."

"We got to second base." I was going red. I liked sex and everything sex related, but I wasn't the biggest fan of talking about it, not even with Rosalie.

She raised and lowered her eyebrows and started grinning like an idiot. "So did you, you know..." She looked around us to make sure no one was listening and then mouthed the word 'cum?'

I grinned and bit my lip. "Uh, hells yeah I did."

She started laughing and then clapped. "So even in sobriety, Jasper's still got it?"

I had told Rosalie that Jasper was a phenomenal lover; there wasn't a single time that we had had sex or fooled around that I didn't orgasm. "Yes he does." I cocked an eyebrow.

Rose stood and stepped up onto the platform and looked at herself. "Well you should stay with Jasper; he's got more points than Edward now anyway." She turned and looked at the back of her.

"How?"

"Well he just earned ten." She looked at me and smiled. "A point for every one of his magic fingers." She raised her eyebrow and then turned back to face the mirror.

I looked down at my blue dress, smiling and lightly grazed my hand over the silk. "But-" I looked up at Rose who had turned and had a serious thinking face on. "We really don't know how Edward fairs in that category either, so maybe you should play around a little."

I stared at her with my mouth open. "Rosalie, you're like my shoulder angel and devil all at once. 'Stay with Jasper he's good in bed and he loves you, but if you can, see if you can convince Edward to finger you for the sake of our points chart.' It's unbelievable." I threw my hands up and let them fall back down into my lap.

She shrugged and turned back around. "Just take into consideration what has been said here today, that's all I'm saying."

I shook my head and went back into the dressing room, changed and waited for Rosalie to be done. We went shopping for shoes and purses and then came home and watched _Never Been Kissed_. I cried when she got kissed in the end, even though I had seen the movie like half a million times and knew it was coming.

Three days before the formal I had to work with Edward. In the span of our seven hour shift only three tables came in. Edward was sitting on the ledge of the front counter doing a Sudoku puzzle, and I was standing resting my elbows on the counter and my chin in my hands, looking at the window at a group of atrociously dressed high school students. Easton had barricaded himself in the office and was having phone sex with Taylor. I looked over at Edward. "Why are we both scheduled, only one of us needs to be here."

He looked up from his puzzle and looked at me. "I asked Easton to schedule us together." I stared at him with annoyance and tilted my head slightly. He laughed. "I'm kidding." He went back to his puzzle.

He fucking better be because that was a little creepy.

More time past and finally I spoke. "I look at high school students and cringe. Was I like that in high school? Did I dress like that and hang out in front of restaurants talking eight octaves higher than necessary?"

He looked at me then to the kids outside. His hair was getting really long and he needed to cut it. It was falling in front of his eyes constantly, and he was constantly bringing his hand up to push it out of the way. "Yeah, probably." He looked back down at his puzzle.

I squinted and looked at the group more closely. "Like look at them, they're fucking hideous." I pointed at one of them. "Is that one a man or a really ugly woman?"

He looked up again and squinted and then looked back at me. "He has a beard." He looked back at the puzzle, which I don't think he was actually doing.

I furrowed my brow. "You should really cut your hair."

"I'll get around to it." He pushed his hair out of his eyes. He looked away from his puzzle and looked at me. "Are you going to the formal on Friday?"

I looked over at him slowly. "Yeah, why?"

"I just wanted to know if you were going to be there. Me and Ashley are going so…" He trailed off. "You going with Jasper?"

"Yes I'm going with Jasper." I laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing you just make me laugh." He really wasn't doing that great a job being discreet in his questioning. We sat in silence for a couple minutes longer until I decided to ask him something that had been bothering me. "Why are you still with Ashley?"

He looked over at me slightly shocked. "I don't think that's really any of your business."

"Well, you have made your feelings for me very clear and I just want to know why you keep her around? Like how could you do that to someone?" I stood up and pulled myself up on the counter and sat beside him.

He sighed and pushed his hair out of his eyes. "It's just easier this way. It's better than being alone, and being able to go places with someone makes it easier to be near you without seeming like a creep. And I can do it to her cause I don't think I care about her like at all. I know it's not an excuse and I'm a horrible person for doing it, but I don't care. If it gets me closer to you then I don't care who I hurt." His eyes were moving franticly over my face as he told me this.

I was slightly appalled yet it made me a little excited. He was stepping over whoever he had to, to get to me. He wanted me that badly. Of course the guilt followed quickly and then I started feeling like shit. "I still meant what I said. About you and Jasper and the whole lot of it."

He smirked. "Uh-huh." He looked down at his puzzle. "I think we just have to wait and see." I watched him rub his fingers along his lips and then I remembered my conversation with Rosalie and I had to get out of there before I did something stupid.

I ran to the back and knocked on the office door. Easton opened it just a sliver. "What?" He spat out at me.

"Um, there hasn't been any customers like all night and I think Edward can handle it by himself. Can I go home?" I was playing with my hands nervously.

"Yeah whatever." He closed the door and I shrugged and went into the back to get changed.

I walked up to the front with my backpack on and looked at Edward. "So I guess I'll see you at the formal."

His brow furrowed. "Yeah." He looked back down at his puzzle and then looked up at me confused. "Where are you going?"

"Home."

"How come you get to leave and I don't?" He threw the puzzle on the counter beside him.

"Because one of us needs to stay here and I have seniority." I shrugged and turned to leave.

"Hey Bella."

I stopped and looked at him. "Yeah."

"Will you save me a dance?"

Oh God. I rolled my eyes and bit my lip and decided that one dance won't hurt. I nodded. "Yeah, I'll save you a dance."

He smiled and nodded and then jumped off the counter and went into the kitchen. I shook my head and headed home.

I spent the next three days writing fucking essays. The winter break was only three weeks away and I had about twelve essays to write, and I hadn't started any of them. I had only finished three of them and my brain already felt like mush. When Saturday rolled I did nothing all day. Rosalie got up around one and ate the bacon, eggs and coffee I made her and then told me she was going to do her hair and makeup first and then she'd do me.

I passed the time doing the same thing I always did when I was waiting for Rosalie, I watched movies. I sat through _The 40-Year-Old Virgin_ and _Knocked Up_; it was a Judd Apatow kind of day until Rosalie came to me looking absolutely gorgeous and then got to work on me. She put my hair up in this fancy ponytail and then kept my makeup really simple; shimmery lids, dark lashes, and clear glossy lips. I got into my dress and looked at myself in the mirror and made this stupid squealing noise that I told myself that I would never make again.

The boys buzzed us when they were they arrived which I thought was a little weird because both Jasper and Emmett had keys to the apartment. Rose and I came down stairs to see a limo. Jasper was leaning up against it and Emmett was inside standing up through the sun roof. It was still unseasonably warm for November, and I didn't have to wear a coat just a shawl.

Rosalie squealed and ran past me repeating the word limo over and over again and got in. I walked over to Jasper and looked from him to the limo and then back at him. "What's this?"

"It's a limo Bella." He took my hand a pulled me in close and then slowly turned so that I was leaning up against the car and he was leaning up against me with one of his hands on the car and the other firmly on my waist. "We thought it would be a nice surprise."

I smiled. "It is." I looked him up and down; he looked like sex in a suit. "You clean up very well, Mr. Roberts, I must say."

He shrugged. "I tried, and you look beyond words. I'm not going to even try to tell you how amazing you look." He brought his hand that was on my waist up to my neck and kissed me lightly planting a few sweet pecks on my mouth and then parted his mouth and took my bottom lip in between the two of his. He was applying more and more of his weight and I wrapped my arms around his neck and tangled my fingers in his hair.

Our make out session was cut short when Emmett poked his head up through the sun roof. "Christ you guys can do that later, get in the car."

Jasper and I parted and he scanned my face with his beautiful eyes and smiled. "Let's go." I nodded and he kissed me again and let me get into the car before him.

I sat in the limo and watched mine and Jasper's hands as they sat in between us intertwined. Our hands looked so right together. How could I not be content with this? How is it possible that another man had such power over me to make me question this? It was perfect and quiet and easy. It was me and Jasper; Jasper and me. Why did I want anything more than this? I hated not knowing and I hated not knowing when all of this, this tiny perfect moment in my life, would come crashing down around me.

I knew it was coming soon. I could feel it. Nothing in my life stayed good for very long.

The formal was being held in a beautiful, old building on the water. Twinkly lights lit everything and I couldn't believe that people but so much effort into something so stupid. The color scheme was red and gold, and balloons of those colors were everywhere. There were large white round tables that outlined the room and turned the center on the room into a very large dance floor. A DJ was setting up his equipment on a small stage in the corner of the room.

We where told were to sit and headed to table six. I saw Ashley before I saw Edward. She looked beautiful in a black dress that hit the floor and an interesting rhinestone embellished neck line. The back was low cut and was also rimmed in the rhinestones. Her hair was blown back with a slight wave and it hit the middle of her back. My eyes then drifted to Ness and Jacob. Ness was wearing a beautiful eggplant colored dress with beaded embellishments, her hair was up in this wicked curled bun on the crown of her head, and she looked gorgeous. My ego took a huge hit; it wasn't bad enough that I had to stand next to the goddess that was Rosalie, but I had to stand next to Ashley and Ness too. I sighed.

Jacob looked handsome in his tux and slicked back hair; he almost looked like an adult. Then Ness and Jacob parted and I saw him, Edward Cullen in a perfectly pressed tuxedo.

He had cut his hair; not too short, it was the same length as the night I met him and he had combed it over making his bangs do this amazing whooshing thing. Because his hair was brushed away from his face, his natural rugged jaw bone protruded from his face making him look even more like a model. The tux forced him to stand up straight, which made his chest look larger and him look taller. He turned his head and looked at me. His mouth opened ever so slightly and he smiled at me; his perfect crooked smile that he smiled for me because he knew that I loved it.

He looked away from me and placed his hand on the small of Ashley's back and pulled out her chair for her. Before she sat she looked up at him and kissed him passionately. While she was kissing him, he opened his eyes and looked at me. I quickly looked away feeling ridiculously uncomfortable and sat in the chair at the opposite side of the table that Jasper had pulled out for me.

We had dinner which was alright. The chicken was dry and the vegetables were frozen before they were cooked. I stopped and wondered why I didn't become a chef. I danced for a few songs; the _Macarena_, a _Sean Paul_ song that I really liked for reasons unknown, and the _Timewarp _because _The Rocky Horror Picture Show _ruled my existence. I danced with Jasper for every slow song, but promised myself that I would give Edward his.

As the night came to an end and I started to feel the weight of my long day doing nothing. I sat beside Jasper and listened to him talk about cars with Emmett and Jacob. I didn't even know that he liked cars. Emmett was talking about his dream car. "A 1968 Dodge Charger. That's the car they drove in _Dirty Mary Crazy Larry_ did you ever see that flick?" He was looking at Jacob who shook his head. "It was okay, but the Dodge Charger was amazing. Like if I could marry that car I would, I would dump Rosalie and live with that car in committed wedded bliss for the rest of my life." Jasper laughed. Emmett pointed at him with the most serious face I had ever seen Emmett put on. "I'm not kidding Jasper." He continued to ramble on about horse power and engines or something.

The room was getting really hot and I was getting dizzy. I stood up and kissed Jasper on the head. "I'm gonna go get some air, okay."

He nodded. "Okay." He grabbed my hand that I had place on his shoulder and kissed the inside of my wrist. "I love you."

I smiled. "I love you too." I walked towards the front door when I noticed stairs leading up. If I could get up on the roof then I was going to get air on the roof; it was surprisingly easy to obtain access to it. I leaned against the edge of the building and looked at the water. It was beautiful with all the lights reflecting off it and I realized how lucky I was to live in the place I lived in. The windows downstairs had been opened and the music was floating out into the night. I stared at the water for at least fifteen minutes.

I was startled when I heard the door slam. I turned and saw Edward standing there with his hands in his pockets. "Getting some air?" He walked towards me.

"How do you always find me?" I crossed my arms and tilted my head.

"Well, I know you like to be up high if you can be, and I knew it was hot in that room and I knew you had left to get air. So I thought of all the place you could have gone and narrowed it down to the place you would be, and ta-dah I found you." He kicked a rock away from him and laughed.

"You are very clever." I looked away from him and turned to face the water again. He leaned up against the building with me.

"You look beautiful tonight Bella. Like there are no words to describe you." I looked over at him and saw an expression that I didn't expect. He looked pained and almost tortured.

It sent a wave of anger and sadness through me and I looked away from him. "You look good tonight too. I'm glad you cut your hair."

He let out a short burst of laughter. "Yeah, you were right. It was about time I got a haircut. I was starting to look like Kate Hudson's kid." He paused. "Don't ask me how I know what Kate Hudson's kid looks like." He sounded embarrassed.

"I wasn't going to." I smiled and took a deep breath of cool, crisp air.

We looked at the water in silence listening to the songs as they changed from a crappy pop song to a crappy rap song. When they played a slow song it was a song that I actually knew and loved. It was _Strange and Beautiful_ by _Aqualung_ and I laughed quietly to myself.

I looked over at him, he was staring at me. "You owe me a dance and I know you love this song." He took a couple of steps back and extended his hand.

I looked at his hand and then his face. I had told that I would save him a dance, and I told myself that I wasn't going to back out of this. I stepped forward and place my hand in his and he pulled me close to him, but not to close. I put my other hand on his shoulder and his other hand was on my back. He led gracefully with confidence. "You're a good dancer."

He laughed. "Yeah, my mom told me no one would want to marry me if I wasn't a good dancer. She said I could have any woman I wanted if I sweep her off her feet with dance. So she enrolled me in ballroom dancing so I had something to do when Alice was in ballet."

I cringed slightly at the mention of her name, but I composed myself and he spun me and then brought me back in and took my right hand and draped it around his neck so that my body was pressed up against his and my hand was resting on his shoulder. I brought my other hand and placed it on his arm. He wrapped his arms around me and let his fingers slow trace up and down my spine. He pressed his lips onto the spot between my shoulder and my neck as we moved slowly in a circle.

My heart was racing. I knew where he was trying to take this, and I wasn't entirely sure that if he tried it I was going to stop him. It was getting more and more difficult to shelf my feelings for him. I tried to get rid of them or push them away hoping they would fade away or die down, but they didn't. I would try to forget about them when I wasn't with him, and when I was with him the feelings would break out of the metaphorical box I was keeping them in and be brighter and bolder than ever.

The song was coming to an end. The last time the chorus was going to repeat itself was coming up and could feel my body starting to go rigid. I wanted this...but I didn't. I heard him sigh and I felt his hot breath on my skin. He slowly lifted his head and let his lips graze my neck as he made his way up to my ear. He sighed when he did this and the feeling of his breath made my whole body go goose bumpily. He was still tracing his fingers up and down my spine, and I had run my hands down his shoulders and was now gripping his elbows.

He sang along with the last part of the song. His voice was no more than a whisper, but it sounded like it was coming out of him loud and clear.

_I'll put a spell on you._

This is not happening. These kinds of things didn't happen to me.

_You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you._

He sounded good. He was good singer; he had a strange voice.

_And when I wake you I'll be the first thing you'll see._

I gripped his elbows fiercely and closed my eyes and sighed out sharply. I was dreading the next line because it was true.

_And you'll realize that you love me. Yeah._

The song slowly ended and changed into an _Usher_ song. He moved away from me so he was looking at me. He cupped my face with his hands and looked me up and down. "Bella are you honestly gonna stand here in front of me like this and tell me you don't think that this is right, that this feels right?" He brushed a stray piece of hair out of my eye.

I opened up my mouth to speak; I don't know why I did, I didn't have anything to say. I didn't know what to say. I just stood there rapidly opening and closing my mouth trying not to look him in the eye, but he wouldn't allow it. His hands were keeping my face straight so I couldn't look anywhere other than his face. I finally got a word out. "Edward."

He shook his head and leaned in and kissed me. He kissed, kissed me. Not a quick peck before bed, a real kiss. The months of him storing his feelings for me came out in this amazing kiss on the roof of a beautiful old building sitting by the water in Seattle.

It was almost I could feel all of his anger, desire, passion and love radiating off of him and then he took my bottom lip in his mouth and sucked it with reckless abandon. I tried to bring my hands up and wrap my arms around his neck, but the way his arms were made it difficult. I reached up and removed his hands from my face and wrapped them around my waist. I then brought my hands up and gripped the back of his neck and ran my other hand up through his hair. He slipped his tongue into my mouth and started massaging my tongue with his.

He secured his arms around my waist and lifted me off the ground so that our faces were parallel. I wanted to wrap my legs around his waist but I knew that if I did I would ruin the dress.

He pulled away from because we need to breathe. I tilted my head back and he ran his lips along my jaw planting sporadic kisses. "Bella." He breathed out.

I brought my head forward and looked at him. He looked happy; his eyelids were heavy with lust and satisfaction.

And then I heard the door slam behind us and I stared at him with wide eyes. He put me down and looked past me. I closed my eyes and prayed. Please let it be anyone other than someone we know. Anyone else I don't care who; I just don't want to hear Edward say a familiar name. But he did; he said it calmly like we just hadn't been caught doing something we definitely shouldn't have been doing. "Hey Jake, Ness."

Fuck, balls, cunt, shit, fuck, fuck, balls, shit. Jake and Ness. Not just Jake but Ness as well, Ness who was friends with Ashley. I was fucked. We were fucked. What was I doing? How could I have been so stupid?

His hands were still on my back and I brought my hands to my back and placed them on his and made it look I was touching the imaginary latch that I wanted them to think that he was playing with. "Thanks Edward. You got it, that latch had been coming undone all night thanks for helping me do it back up." I was trying to sound as normal as possible. I stepped away from him and his hands fell limply at his sides. He was looking at me with a sad, confused look on his face.

I turned and smiled at Jacob and Ness; I had luckily not gotten the chance to talk to them much that night and could comment on simple things like what they were wearing. "Hey Jake how are you? You look great that suit makes you look…" I trailed off looking for the right word but my scattered, panicked brain could only come up with this one. "Tall."

I cringed a little when I said it and Jacob looked over at Ness and made a face that suggested that I wasn't fooling anybody. "Thanks." He said, sounding slightly skeptical.

I looked at Ness. "You too, you look tall as well, um, but I must be going I have to um… bye." I briskly walked past them. What a fucking nightmare. This was not good; I had just stepped into a level orange type of fuck up. Ness was going to tell Ashley and Ashley was going to flip and then kill Edward and then tell Jasper and then she was going to kill me. That's what was going to happen. I was going to get killed by a very pissed of freshmen.

I reentered the building and walked down only one flight of stairs and then leaned up against the cold cement and began to hyperventilate. It was Edward's fault, if Edward wasn't here then I wouldn't have feelings for him and it would be just me and Jasper and I would've been fine. But I wasn't fine, I was leaning up against a cement wall hyperventilating.

I had to get out of here before he came down. I couldn't see him again or I would get angry or even worse I would get stupid. I descended the rest of the stairs and made my way back to the dance. Emmett and Jasper were now talking to each other in what looked like a super serious conversation while Rosalie leaned lazily against Emmett's back; she perked up instantly when she saw me and gracefully walked towards to me.

"Hey babe where were you?" She tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

"On the roof." I looked up at her.

Her brow creased, she saw the confusion, fear and sadness on my face and heard the monotone nothingness in my voice and placed her hands on my shoulders. "Are you okay Bells?

No, I wasn't okay. I had just realized something that I was trying to fight and deny for a long time; something that I didn't want to admit but was now screaming out from inside of me with a loud radiating voice.

I shook my head. "I'm in love with Edward Cullen."

**EPOV**

I watched as Jake said something to Renesmee and made his way over to me. He shoved his hands in his pants pockets and kind of bounced around in front of me, looking everywhere else other than my face. I rolled my eyes. "What's up Jake?"

His head jolted and he looked at me. "Um, what were you doing there buddy?"

"Well it depends on what you saw chief." I smirked. As pissed off as I was that we were caught, I had huge amounts of adrenaline rushing through me and I knew I was absolutely ready to have this conversation with him.

"It looked like you were kissing Bella; that's what I saw, friendo." He was mad. I couldn't blame him; I knew that things were going to get difficult because of the relationship Renesmee and Ashley had. He knew once this got out Renesmee wouldn't want him to see me anymore.

"Yeah, that sounds about right." I rubbed my chin with my hand. "I don't know what you want me to say or what you want me to do about it." I was an asshole. I felt bad about this one. Jake was a fiercely loyal friend, and I was treating him like he was an incompetent fool.

"How about for starters not kissing the girlfriend of a good friend. That seems like a good place to start." He shrugged his shoulders and gave me a look I deserved; he was looking at me like I was a prick, a selfish, egotistical asshole.

"She's in love with me man, I know it."

He rolled his eyes and sighed. "No man, she loves Jasper."

"I don't doubt that she does, but she loves me too, which means I got a shot." I ran my hand through my hair and turned away from him.

He laughed in shock. "He needs her man. He's all fucked up and he needs support, he needs her support."

I turned back to look at him. "I agree, but they don't need to be dating for her to support him." I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. "He put her through hell and still she always came back, she always forgave him and now her eye has wandered and if he wants to keep her – the woman that he doesn't deserve – he's gonna have to fight for her."

"She's chosen Edward, she chose him." He was trying to plea with me now.

"No, she feels guilty so she's staying with him because she doesn't want to bitch that leaves her alcoholic boyfriend. She has feelings for me and I'm gonna fight for her. And if Jasper wants her, he'll have to fight too. Because once he finds out – and believe me he will." I looked over him to Renesmee who was standing there with her arms crossed. "She will reject us both. She will need time to think because she wants me just as badly as she wants him."

He brought his hand up to his eyes and covered them and shook his hand. "He's your friend man."

I stopped and decided explaining my feelings towards Jasper was too time consuming to explain now so I went a different route. "Would you step over me for Renesmee?"

He removed his hand from his eyes and looked at me with anger on his face. "That not the same thing Edward."

"Would you fuck me over for Renesmee?" I crossed my arms and stared at me.

He looked over at Renesmee quickly and then back at me. "Yes."

I smiled. It made me happy in a weird kind of way that Jacob had met someone that he cared that much about. I shook my head "Love is a risky game, and it can fuck up your entire life; but not this time Jake, not for me."

He shook his head. "Well, it's your funeral man." He turned and started to walk away from me.

"You don't think she'll pick me?"

He stopped and turned. "No, I don't. I think she loves Jasper and she's just having a quick lapse in judgment. I also think that you're delusional and this whole obsession thing you've got going on has made you a different person, and I don't fucking like him man. Get over this and sort your fucking life out." He paused and sighed. "I'll see what I can do in the ways of damage control. I think I might be able to convince her to not say anything to Ashley if she knows you are going to do it."

I nodded. "Thanks man."

"Yeah well do it soon man and cut all this shit out." He turned and walked away from me. He grabbed Renesmee's hand and they left me alone on the roof.

I turned to go look at the water and was riddled with a feeling I hated. Doubt. I had been so certain in my quest that I hadn't taken a second to even consider that I wouldn't win this. But Jacob's words were sobering and for the first time I was afraid that Bella would choose Jasper.

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**I know I am going to get this question so I am just going to answer it now. The reason Jacob and Renesmee were up on the roof was because they went up there to have sex; I just felt that it would have slowed the flow to have him say it in the story but that is the reason.**

**I wanna thank my lovely beta saranic for rocking the shit yet again. **

**I wanna say thanks to Asher55 for making sure I never stop writing and drkvctry for listening to me rant that particular time. I also want to shout out to into. scrapes, Lottie2303, ARenee363 and Tuesday Jane for just being awesome. **

**I also want to hug and kiss every single one of you for reading and reviewing. I love it.**

**I also started writing a second fan fiction called Not Dark Yet. It's totally different from Star Mile but I would love if you all had a peek at it and told me what you think.**

**I think I am forgetting something but oh well. Reviews please. Thanks!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hey everyone are you ready for chapter 11? A lot a junk goes down in this chapter. **

**My mom reads this fanfic. Mom please don't read this chapter it will embarrass me. Just call me and I'll tell you what happened. Love you. **

**I have left a link for **_**Anyone Else But You**_** on my profile. If you have seen **_**Juno**_** then you have heard this song but just in case I have provided a link.**

**There is some smut and some major angst ahead ladies and gents. Do I have any male readers? **

**Asher55 you have to message me immediately with your thoughts read it all right away I must know what you think ASAP. **

**Okay here it is. The chapter I lost sleep over. **

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**BPOV**

I could hear him calling my name as I stared at the blinking cursor on the screen of my half finished essay on female writers of the nineteenth century. "Bella. Bella. Bella."

I looked up at Jasper who handed me a coffee. "What?"

"Are you okay? You haven't moved since I left you like ten minutes ago." He took the lid off of his coffee and blew on it to cool it down.

I laughed and shook my head. "I guess my brain is just overloaded. It's been a long two weeks." I rubbed my forehead with my hand.

"Well it's almost over. We just have these essays and assignments. Then it's Christmas break and we can relax a little." He smiled and brought his hand to the side of my neck and lightly rubbed my earlobe with his thumb and index finger.

I smiled. "Yeah, I desperately need this break." I did, I was completely drained in every way. I was hoping to do some thinking over the break and sort everything out.

"Emmett and everyone are going to Twilight tonight to kind of unwind a bit. He invited us. Do you want to go?" He sipped his coffee.

Did I want to go? Well, I guess it depended on who was going to be there. I had been avoiding Edward. I switched all my shifts at work so I didn't have to work with him and after his hundredth and forty-third text message I shut off my phone and didn't bother turning it back on. "Who's gonna be there?" I sipped the coffee and melted a little. It was so good; he put just the right amount of sugar in.

"Emmett, Rose and I think Jake and Ed and their significant others."

I nodded. I could say no and he'd have no problem avoiding the bar. "Do you mind going to the bar? I mean it can't be easy for you." Yes Bella, be all concerned now; if you hadn't realized that you were in love with Edward you would want to go, you'd be begging him to go so you could torture Edward. So you could parade yourself around in front of him and show him what he can't have because you're a cunt.

He shrugged. "You'll be there, Emmett will be there and I want to hang out with friends. It's easier to handle these kinds of situations when you're there; it makes me feel like I'm not alone you know."

I closed my eyes and sighed. He had been unknowingly digging the knife in deep for the past two weeks. I had so many wounds I was surprised I hadn't bled out. But the truth was coming; I knew that much, I knew he'd find out soon and this Twilight gathering was proof of that. It was going to happen there. Renesmee and Jake knew that there was something going on, and I knew she wouldn't be able to keep it a secret much longer. I looked in too his hazy violet and gold eyes that reminded me of a Monet and nodded. I couldn't avoid Edward forever.

I should have just told Jasper, but I was a coward and was frightened of what his reaction would be. It was all bad news. It was going to end badly and it would be my fault because I was selfish.

Jasper and I parted at the library and went home to change before we went out that night.

I barreled through the door and flopped on to the couch. I looked at Rose who looked over at me slowly, with a semi-frightened look on her face. "Jasper told you about Twilight didn't he?"

"Uh, yeah. How long did you know about this?"

"Three days." She turned her whole body and put her hands out as if she was trying to stop me. "But I knew if I told you sooner, you'd find a reason to get out of it and then you wouldn't face him."

I furrowed my brow. "I appreciate the concern Rose, but I think I'm the one that should decide how and when I deal with my problem." God, I was a cowardly cunt. I stood and walked toward my room.

"Bella I'm sorry but avoiding Edward is not dealing with it. You have to sit down and make a choice. You have to look inside and ask yourself what you truly want. Not what's best for Jasper and Edward, but what's best for you." She leaned up against the door frame of my room.

She was right. Stupid Rosalie. I picked up a stuffed animal that I had on my bed and lightly fingered its whiskers. "I just can't choose; it's not like picking out a pair of shoes."

"Well, you must want one more than the other."

"No. I want them both equally for different reasons." I sighed and threw the stuffed animal across the room. I wanted Edward because it was fresh and new and exciting, he was like me in all the ways he should be, but we also had enough differences to keep it interesting. Then there was Jasper, who was mine. He was my hurt puppy dog. I had seen him at his worst and I still loved him. He was comforting and familiar and I didn't want to lose that.

"It's gonna get out Bella, and if he finds out from anyone other than you, Jasper is going to be furious. I would tell him if I was you." She stepped into my room and sat on my bed.

"I want to tell him because he deserves to know, but I don't know if I want Edward over him. In the end if I choose Jasper what's the point of telling him and causing him unnecessary pain?"

"But what if you don't choose him? The sudden break up might blindside him and send him back into a stupor. Maybe if he knows what you're feeling when you're deciding it won't hit him as hard if you don't choose him." She paused. "I don't envy you Bella, you have a tough choice with so many little annoying variables that it makes your decision near impossible. You just have to do what is right for you." She looked so sad and I hated that I was burdening her with my problem.

She stood and walked towards the door. "Hey Rose?"

She turned and smiled. "Yeah?"

"Do you think they'd share me?"

She laughed. "Aw Bella, dare to dream."

I took a nap and to my relief slept dreamlessly. I had been having these bizarre dreams that accurately reflected my life. I was living my life with a faceless man. The man had no distinguishing feature and could have been Edward or Jasper or anyone else for that matter. My future was uncertain and I hated it.

Jasper woke me up when he arrived with Emmett at nine-thirty. He was kissing my neck and fingering the waistband of my jeans. I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Hello."

He stopped kissing my neck and unbuttoned the top button of my jeans. He looked at me and smiled. "Hello back." He lowered his head and let his lips lightly graze over mine before he kissed me passionately. Something was different about him, it was a good different. He slid his tongue into my mouth first and I responded accordingly. He rolled us over so that I was straddling him and broke away so that I could take off my sweater. Then I started unbuttoning his white dress shirt. He sat up to help me remove it and I ran my hands over his chest that seemed to get more and more defined every time I saw him.

He unbuttoned the rest of the buttons on my jeans and I angled myself to help him pull them off. His hand immediately found its place in between my legs and he began to rub me vigorously through my panties. I threw my head back and sighed. He then gripped my jaw with his other hand and bit my neck. He let go of my face and I undid his belt. I fumbled with the buttons on his pants and unzipped the zipper. I placed my hand inside and easily found his raging erection. We stopped moving and I stared at him. He looked back at me with an intensity and lust that I had never seen in him before.

His chest was heaving the same way mine did, and then he stood quickly and pressed me up against a wall. I took my feet and pushed his pants and boxers off so they sat around his ankles. I removed my legs from around his waist and he helped me remove my panties. I rewrapped my legs back around his waist as he pushed more of his weight on me and grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head using only one of his hands. He used his other hand to position himself and I felt the head of his cock push against my cunt. I let out a whine and withered around trying to push myself onto him.

He leaned in, kissed me fiercely and thrusted into me all at once. I let out a tortured moan laugh into his mouth. He was setting a steady rhythm while he licked and bit his way up and down my neck. I wanted to kiss him and touch him too, but it had been almost three and a half months since he had touched me like this so I couldn't do anything other than just let him fuck me stupid.

The sex was animalistic and loud. He made more noise than he ever had before, and I couldn't help but be loud too.

And he was aware. I could feel him present. He wasn't off somewhere else, like he normally was when we had sex before; he was here with me and for me.

He kept my hands pinned and let his other hand roam freely over my body. My breasts spent a lot of time in his hand and mouth. He had never fucked me like this. Never. This sex was fulfilling and satisfying, not just physically, but emotionally as well. The emotional aspect of sex was never there for us before.

The concept of time was completely lost on me when he leaned in and whispered. "Are you gonna cum again Bella?" I licked my lips and nodded. Yes Jasper, I was ready for orgasm number five. He grunted. "Cum for me now." He thrusted one last time and let out a long moan of release. He rested his head in the curve that my neck and shoulder made. I let out a whimper as I came again, and Jasper raised his hand and covered my mouth as I moaned.

He looked up at me and cupped my face with his hands. I let my eyes run over his face; I was sweaty and breathing heavily. "What was that for?"

He shook his head. "I just wanted to. I wanted to know what it was like to be with you as me, you know." He was looking for validation.

I nodded. "Yeah, I know."

He pulled himself out of me and put me down. "Do you think we have time to shower?"

I nodded. I put on some sweatpants and poked my head out my bedroom door. I saw Rosalie and Emmett standing around the island looking at a magazine. They both looked up at me; they were grinning like idiots. They definitely heard us. "Are you ready to go?" Rose bit her lip trying not to laugh.

I shook my head. "I actually have to shower. I'll be like five minutes."

She nodded.

Jasper came out behind me half dressed. "I also need to shower." He grabbed my hand and pulled along to the bathroom.

I heard Rosalie and Emmett snicker as I closed the door behind us.

To my surprise we actually did shower and after five minutes we were both out. I brushed my teeth and explained to Jasper what clothes I wanted him to find and bring to me. I tried to dry my hair and put on some mascara and lips gloss. Twenty minutes after I had gotten into the shower I was ready to leave.

Rosalie kept eyeing me as we put on our coats. The weather finally reflected the time of year and it was cold, rainy and snowy. I kept shooting her 'what the hell are you looking at me like that for?' looks.

Emmett and Jasper exited first. Rosalie grabbed my arm and kept me inside and looked at Jasper. "Go downstairs. We'll meet you down there; I just have to talk to Bella about the sex you just had." She was closing the door and I saw Jasper's brow furrow.

"Wait, what?"

"Bye-bye Jasper." She shut the door and locked it. She pulled me into her bedroom, which I rarely got to go in. It was big and clean and white; I sat down on her bed. She crossed her arms and looked at me. "So, what was that?"

"We had sex."

"And by sex do you mean you told him about Edward and he took it outstandingly well?"

"No, I didn't really get around to the feelings part, just the sex." I sighed and realized how stupid this all sounded when I said it out loud.

"So are you picking Jasper?" Fuck. Why did she care so much? This was not a daily soap Rosalie, I was not an endless source of entertainment for you. This was my life that I was slowly fucking up and I had no idea what was going to happen. The Bella Show didn't have writers, it was strictly improv.

"No. It just happened and I couldn't force myself to stop him because I'm a selfish whore. Let's go." I got up and walked past her. I was really irritated and was finished talking about 'my situation.'

"Bella." I heard her shoes clink behind me.

I turned and faced her again. "Rose the second I know what I'm doing you'll be the first to know. I know you are just trying to help, but please don't." I opened the door and left it ajar for her. I took the stairs because I didn't want to take the elevator with her.

Everyone was silent as we drove to Twilight.

The bar was packed when we got there, and there was a weird energy. I just knew this night was going to end badly. Rosalie went to the bar and Emmett and Jasper walked over to the table Jacob and Renesmee were sitting at. Renesmee was talking rapidly to Jake and pointing over at the jukebox. I let my eyes follow her hand and I saw the back of Ashley's head. Then I saw Edward looking down at her pretending to listen. He looked up at me, then down at her and pushed past her and made his way over to me.

"Hey." He sounded flustered. "Thanks for returning my calls and texts."

I rubbed the back of my neck and felt the heat of embarrassment flood my face. "Yeah, I've been busy with school and stuff. I've been trying to figuring some shit out."

"So have you figured anything out?" His eyes moved franticly.

"No." I shook my head.

He rolled his eyes and grabbed my hand and pulled me through a long corridor up a flight of stairs. He led me into a room that I never knew existed. There was no one in this room. I looked around it trying to register everything. "What is this place?" It was beautiful; the walls were a maroon color and it was dimly lit. There were scattered crème color sofas and arm chairs everywhere and large floor to ceiling windows the over looked the city.

"It's like a room for parties or something. Bella." I looked at him. Now that we were alone, I had relaxed slightly and really looked at him. His hair was in disarray and it looked like he hadn't shaved since the last time I saw him. "I'm going crazy." He rapidly chewed on his bottom lip and then sighed. It looked like he was going to say something and then stopped himself; he spoke after a couple of seconds. "You won't even speak to me. I know you're scared because you have feelings towards me and towards Jasper, but it seems highly unfair that you spend all this time with Jasper and he gets to touch you and kiss you-" He moved so that he was almost pushed up against me. "And be intimate with you and what do I get?" He brushed the hair off my shoulders and placed both of his hands on the side of my neck. "Broken rushed moments interrupted by friends. That's bullshit."

He raised his hands so that he was cupping my face. "I'll make this easy for you Bella. If you don't want me, if you want me to leave you alone, say so right now and I'll walk away." I looked down and like usual couldn't find any words. I could feel his face getting closer to mine and just before his lips were about to touch mine, I looked at him. He smiled. "That's what I thought."

He kissed me similar to the way he did on the roof. There was an aching of want and desire to it. I pushed my body into his and wrapped my arms around his neck. We opened our mouths at the exact same time and our tongues met in the middle. He moved his hands down my back and cupped my ass and lifted me up; it forced me to wrap my legs around his waist.

I ran my hand through his hair and tugged at it a little, he moaned when I did it. I smiled at the fact he was a pain for pleasure type of person, too. He pulled at the edges of my shirt and I removed my hands from his hair and raised them up in the air. He took off my shirt and I located the bottom of his shirt and pulled it off him. I ran my hands down his chest and watched my hands ripple over his perfect body.

He spun me again and pushed me up against a bar. I parted from him and rested my elbows on the edge of the bar. He started kissing my neck and chest. I looked down and ran my hands through his hair. He brought his face back up to mine and kissed me again. And then I was flooded with a feeling.

It wasn't guilt, I didn't feel guilty about kissing Edward; I felt like I was doing something that was morally wrong. I had to let Jasper know what was going on before I could do anything with Edward, if I was going to do anything else with Edward. I had to let them know that I needed to be apart from both of them and I would decide. But this, what I was doing with Edward, wasn't fair to Jasper. Edward knew that I had a boyfriend that would want to touch and kiss and love me, that was his problem. It was something that he had to deal with because he walked into this relationship with Jasper already there. Edward wasn't in my life a year and a half ago and Jasper didn't deserve this.

I pushed him away from me. I looked at his face as a mix of confusion and anger swiftly invaded his face. "What?"

"I can't do this. Not until Jasper knows." I separated myself from him and walked across the room to collect my well worn t-shirt with a picture of Genesis on it – pre their 80's Phil Collins bullshit – that was flung over an expensive looking chair. I put it on and found Edward's shirt and handed it to him.

He put on quickly. "Does that mean you're ending it will him?" Everything about him seemed to swell when he said this.

I shook my head. "No." I watched as his face fell and my heart swelled. "I just think that if you know, he should know too. You should both be able to know the situation and make an informed decision about whether you really want me or not." I shook my head and looked around the room. "It's not fair to either of you, and I'm sorry Edward. I didn't ask to love either of you; it just happened. And I can't be split in two and I can't be shared. I have to choose." I looked at him.

His head was turned to the side and his eyes were ablaze. "You love me?" He said it like I was someone that was completely incapable of the emotion.

"Yes." I said it bluntly because it was true and I was an idiot who couldn't lie.

He came up to me rather swiftly and wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me in for a quick passionate kiss. He brought his lips to my ear and whispered, "I love you too." He let go of me and walked away. He went down the flight of stairs letting his boots clunk all the way down.

He had knocked the wind out of me. I reached out and placed my palm flat against the wall and breathed in deep till I felt normal.

I walked down the stairs and the closer and closer I got to the bar, the clearer and clearer Ashley's voice got. "Well me and Edward are going to sing a song." I rolled my eyes.

I walked up to our table and took my place beside Jasper. He immediately intertwined his hand with mine and looked over at me. "Where were you?"

"Bathroom, freshening up, you know." I nodded and smiled.

He leaned in and kissed me deeply. He parted and furrowed his brow. He brought his lower lip into his mouth like he was tasting it. He looked at my mouth and then looked me in the eye. He looked worried, like he knew something was wrong. I looked away from him. He could taste Edward on me.

"I wanted to sing a certain song, but the book didn't have it. Luckily, Edward knows how to play the guitar and our amazing bartender Josh brought his guitar in tonight and has agreed to let Edward play it." Ashley clapped and jumped up and down and looked over at Edward who plugged the acoustic guitar into a tiny amp and began to tune it.

"We are going to sing _Anyone Else But You_ by _The Moldy Peaches_." She looked back at Edward who strummed the guitar and seemed pleased with the way that it sounded. He looked really fucking good holding a guitar; I didn't even know he played.

He looked down the neck of the guitar and found the chords and placed his fingers accordingly and started playing. I knew the song and liked it for the most part. Ashley started singing and I tuned her out. It wasn't that she was a bad singer, I just wanted to pretend that she didn't exist.

Then it was his turn. He was staring at me while she stared at him. I felt Jasper's hand tighten around mine.

_I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train/I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side /I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else/But you._

His voice reminded me of the lead singer of the _Kings of Leon_ mixed with _Elton John_ and what _Kate Bush_ would sound like if she was a man. It was strange but beautiful; he had perfect pitch and tone. I could tell he had probably been singing and playing music his whole life. It hurt me that he didn't share this part of his life with me.

_The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me/So why can't, you forgive me?/I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else/But you._

The staring was getting rather intense and I had to look away from him. I looked over at Rosalie who was staring at me. Her eyes looked dark and she closed them. She knew it was coming too. There was an electricity in the air like the moments before it rained.

They were _du duing_ and I was mentally preparing myself for what was about to happen. Jasper grip on my hand was fierce and I knew he was slowly figuring it out.

I looked back up at Edward whose eyes were still burning into me.

_You are always trying to keep it real/I'm in love with how you feel/I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else/But you._

I could hear Jasper saying my name over and over again. He was trying to appear calm, but I could hear the slight delirious tone that was emerging underneath. "Bella."

I looked over at him absolutely terrified as to what I was about to see. He was breathing deeply and his chest was heaving. His brow had furrowed and his eyes were moving furiously over my face. I could feel tears coming, but I forced them back. "What?" I breathed out.

"Why is he looking at you like that?" He locked his jaw and pursed his lips. He knew, but I knew he'd want me to admit it first. I also knew that he thought it was physical, but little did he know that it was much worse than that.

This was such a fucking horrible place to do this. We were in a fucking bar. I was about to let my alcoholic boyfriend know that I was in love with his former best friend in a bar full of fucking liquor. I was a fucking moron.

I started breathing heavily and the way my chest moved matched his. "Something happened while you were away." That was all I could think of to say.

His mouth moved like he forgot how to speak. "You lied to me."

I nodded and looked away from him; the tears just welled and fell from my eyes.

"How long has this been going on?" His nostrils were flaring and I was starting to get scared. I had never seen him this angry before.

"Almost two months, maybe." I tucked my hair behind my ears.

"You've been fucking him behind my back." He raised his voice slightly and Ashley and Edward finished their song. I looked at Edward; he practically threw the guitar at Ashley and jumped off the stage.

I shook my head and looked back at him. "No, no Jasper it was nothing like that. It's just feelings." I was trying to control my emotions.

He stared at me, his anger and betrayal radiated off of him. He looked past me to Edward. His nostrils flared and he stood and approached him. I stood and followed behind him.

They both stopped about a foot away from one another. I stood off to the side as they just stood there, staring at each other clenching and unclenching their fists.

Ashley ran up and grabbed Edwards arm; he jolted his arm away from her. "What are you doing?"

"Ashley, I think we should break-up." He never took his eyes of Jasper. "I'm in love with Bella and I'm sorry." His voice was flat, he didn't care.

Her face contorted in anger and betrayal. She looked at me and then looked back at him. "Her?" She raised her hand and pointed at me; she sounded disgusted.

He slowly looked over at her. "Yes, her." He looked back at Jasper.

Jasper took one deep breath in. "I think we should take a step outside Cullen."

What? Are they seriously going to fight each other? What was this; a really bad teen movie from the late nineties? No, they were absolutely not fighting.

Edward nodded. "Okay."

I started shaking my head. "No. We are going to sit down and talk about this like adults and-"

Jasper cut me off. "Bella." He yelled it. Everyone in the bar had stopped and was looking at us. "I really think you've done and said enough."

I flinched at his words; I deserved it, but they still hurt. He was never really much of a yeller; I could only think of one other time he had really yelled. I wanted to explain myself better; he didn't understand what was going on. He had jumped to conclusions and he was angry and hurt. He wanted to hurt the person that he thought did that to him. Apparently he didn't think that person was me.

It was what happened next that I didn't expect. "Edward." Ashley said poking Edward on the shoulder. Edward turned to look at her and she made a fist and punched him in the face. His head flung back and his nose instantly sprayed blood. I heard everyone behind me scramble. She shook out her hand. "Fuck." She looked at me. "Now it's your turn."

I shook my head and immediately made my hands into fists. I had never actually been in a fight, but I was pretty sure I could take her. I started backing up and preparing myself to hit her. I took a moment to look around us. I looked for Edward and Jasper; both of them were gone, so were Emmett and Jacob. Half the bar had emptied to watch the fight that no doubt was starting right now. It was utter chaos; everything was happening so quickly that there wasn't any time to think about the repercussions.

Ashley came towards me but was grabbed by Renesmee, she was much larger than Ashley and restrained her easily. "Bella get out of here." She looked at me with mild sympathy but mostly with indifference.

I nodded and turned towards the door.

I exited and saw a large group of people circled in the parking lot. "Somebody already called the cops." Rosalie came up beside me and stared at the crowd of people with me. I looked over at her and she looked at me. "How does it feel to be Joey Potter?"

I sighed. "Fucking lousy." She grabbed my hand and we walked towards the group of people. I thought about Dawson's Creek as we made our way over. I remembered when I was younger and watched that show, I always thought Joey was an idiot for not picking Pacey immediately. I could never understand her inner conflict; Pacey always just seemed undeniably right for her regardless of how good of friends she was with Dawson or if they were soul mates. But now that I found myself in her shoes, sort of, I understood. It wasn't easy to make this choice. In the end you knew that you were going to hurt someone you loved dearly and that would make you the bad guy. There was no way to get it right.

We made our way through the crowd and until we reached the inner circle. I couldn't really tell who was winning. Edward had the bloody nose that Ashley gave him, and if he had been hit it wasn't on the face. Jasper had a fat lip that he kept tonguing, he laughed. "I've kicked your ass before Edward, I can do it again." He had taken off his jacket and had rolled up his sleeves. I could see all of the scars on his arms; they stood out because of the harsh pot lights that lit the scene from above. I looked away from him feeling slightly sick.

Edward laughed. "That was a long time ago Jasper; a lot of things have changed." He used his hand to wipe away the blood from under his nose.

I stared at them and felt waves of fury flow through me, but I couldn't help thinking of how unbelievably sexy they made facial wounds look.

I heard Rosalie scoff and I turned to see her roll her eyes. "Enough." She yelled. They both stopped jumping around like this was _Million Dollar Baby_ and straightened up. She looked from Edward to Jasper; she looked dangerous like someone that no one wanted to fuck with. "I have always told Bella how fucking stupid I thought the both of you were, but she just couldn't help herself and she just had to go fall in love. Well Bella-" She looked over her shoulder at me. "I hope now you can see that I was right." She stepped forward again and looked at the both of them like they were scum. "You two Neanderthals are fighting each other in the parking lot of a bar surrounded by strangers. You are not children, this isn't how adults handle their problems, adults sit down and talk it out."

She sighed and ran her hands through her hair and then pointed at Jasper. "Jasper, you have no idea what's going on. You haven't even bothered to let Bella explain." She paused and stared him down. "You have no idea what you've put her through, through the course of your relationship. The fact that she stayed with you is a little bit of a miracle and you-" She turned to Edward. "You are a selfish spoiled asshole with absolutely no disregard for anyone other than yourself, especially Bella." She paused for a long time with her eyes closed. No one did anything.

I smiled. I loved Rosalie. I really did, she was so loyal and would move mountains to protect me. She fought my battles for me when she knew that I absolutely couldn't and I was so grateful for that.

She opened them and started again. "I think you all need to take a step back and spend some time apart, and in a couple of days you should all sit down and sort this out."

Jasper and Edward had closed the space in between them and they were both staring at Rosalie, they both nodded and looked away from her. Emmett and Jake both entered the circle almost as if they were coming to collect what they brought with them. Rosalie walked around Jasper and gripped Emmett's arm.

What happened next I will never forget. It was one of those moments that stay with you because you almost can't believe that it happened.

Edward had turned to go where ever Jake was taking him, but he shimmied lose and turned back to face Jasper. He balled his fist and shot it forward towards Jasper. Jasper registered this quickly and ducked; Rosalie, on the other hand who was standing right behind Jasper, was not so lucky. Edward's fist connected with her nose. The noise it made was disgusting; he hit her a lot harder than Ashley had hit him.

The blood started gushing from her nose and she brought her shaking hands up to her face. Then she pulled them back and stared at her hands covered in her own blood. She started screaming; it was blood curdling. Emmett looked at Rosalie then to Edward, Emmett was fucking pissed. He had gone red and every vein in his head was bulging. He pointed at Edward. "You're fucking dead." He pushed past Jasper to get to him.

Jacob saw what was happening and shook his head. "Nope." He lunged forward and attacked Emmett, surprisingly Jacob could hold his own and kept Emmett away from Edward.

Edward and Jasper resumed their fighting and Rosalie came towards me. I grabbed one of her bloody hands and pulled her into Twilight. I could hear the sirens and knew that this particular event in my clusterfuck of a life would be over soon.

I sat Rosalie in a booth and collected tissues and held them under her nose until the cops and ambulance arrived. I knew they had arrived when two paramedics came inside and began examining Rosalie's nose. They took her outside and put her in the ambulance. I told her that I could take her to the hospital, but she didn't want to get blood on the inside of the Firebird. She told me to take it and meet her there. The ambulance took off and I went to deal with my other problem.

The cops arrested not only Jasper and Edward, but Emmett and Jacob as well. None of them would stop fighting and then cops actually had use force to break them all apart. I had a quick talk with Renesmee about bailing out Emmett and Jacob and handed her all the money in mine and Rosalie's wallets. It was about six hundred and fifty dollars. I hoped it was enough.

I walked up to Jasper and Edward before the officers put them in the cruiser. They both stopped and looked at me, their faces swollen and bleeding. "In about an hour Renesmee is going to be at the police station to bail out Emmett and Jacob, but you two can find your own way out. Have fun calling your parents guys, I'm sure your parents will be thrilled to hear that you're in jail Jasper." I looked at Edward. "And I don't think even your mommy will be able to convince your father to come and get you." I was mad and I hated myself for being mad at them, this was my fault and I was yelling at them. "Enjoy jail." The cops put them in the car.

I turned to walk into Twilight to gather mine, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Edward's things. I collapsed into a booth and closed my eyes. I opened them and looked across the empty bar to the booth directly in front of me. Ashley was sitting in it with tears streaming down her face. Her eyes were red and puffy and she was just staring at me with hurt plastered all over her face. I grabbed everything quickly and made my way to the car.

I threw everything inside and just sat there wanting to crawl out of my own skin. I unrolled the window, stuck my head out and threw up. I pulled my head in and started crying. I had hurt and fucked over everyone I knew and cared about. None of them deserved any of it, but I did; I deserved these feelings of hate and self loathing. I composed myself enough to drive and made my way to the hospital.

I stopped at an ATM to get out the money that I owed Rosalie. It was before Christmas break, Jasper knew and they had fought over me. Stupid Rosalie always being right.

I went to the nurses' station and they told where they had placed Rosalie. I made my way to her room and knocked lightly on the door when I had reached it. She told me I could come in and I tried not to flinch when I saw her. She had a thick bandage over her nose and the skin under her eyes was already starting to bruise. There was one florescent light lighting the room and it made everything look blue and Rosalie look even paler. "Hey."

"Hey." She crossed her arms. Her clothes were covered in her blood and I knew she must have been crawling in her skin; Rosalie hated being dirty.

I sat down on a chair by the bed and placed one of my hands on the bed. "I'm so sorry Rosalie." I told myself that I couldn't cry.

"Why?" She sat up and looked at me like I was an idiot. "You didn't punch me in the face."

"I might as well have." I shook my head and fished out the hundred dollars that I had shoved in my pocket. "Here, I owe you this."

She took the money and looked at it and then looked at me. It took her about ten seconds for the recognition to sweep her face. "Oh Bella, take your money. After this night you don't need any more punishment. I don't want to even think about the way you must be feeling." She laid back down in the bed. "Where's Emmett?"

"He got arrested." I looked away from her.

"What?!" She almost yelled it.

"He was fighting with Jake trying to get to Edward after what he did to you. The cops arrested him after he refused to stop fighting. I gave Renesmee all the money we had to go and bail Jake and him out."

She nodded. "Good." She paused. "What about Jasper and Edward?"

"I'm gonna leave them in there and let them find their own way out. It sucks because I'm mad at them for fighting, but I gave them the reason to fight and it's my fault and I feel like shit for being mad at them when I'm to blame. Your boyfriend is in jail, you have a broken nose, Renesmee will never speak to me again because I destroyed the relationship that one of her best friends had with Edward and I put her boyfriend in jail. I destroyed Jasper and Edwards's friendship and to top it all off I'm even more confused and unsure of what to do than when the night began." I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "I think I'm just hoping that I will drag this out long enough so both Edward and Jasper with tell me to fuck off and I'll be left alone. It's what I deserve."

"Bella don't be an idiot. This isn't your fault. You have feelings, they have feelings; I'm blaming the feelings." She shrugged and we sat in silence for a while. "You're really just gonna leave them in there?"

I nodded. "There together in a small space in with nothing to do together. Maybe they'll talk it out."

"Or they'll kill each other."

"Well if they are both dead, I don't have to make a choice." That was a terrible thing to say and I felt like a fucking idiot for saying it.

She sat up and pushed herself off the bed. "Let's go."

I stood and looked confused. "Are we allowed to leave?"

"Yeah, the doctor told me to visit the nurses' station to be discharged after my ride came to get me." She ruffled around in her pocket. "He also gave me a prescription for pain killers." She danced a little and 'raised the roof'.

I looked at her like she was insane and shifted my eyes back and forth. "Are you on them now?"

"Yes. I can't feel anything. It's awesome. I'm not even mad at Cullen but will probably want to kill him in the morning." She widened her eyes. "It's really starting to hit me right now." She laughed a really nasally laugh and stumbled out in front of me and she was discharged. We went to a twenty-four hour pharmacy, got her prescription filled and then went home.

She wanted to stay up and watch movies and stuff her face with junk food. I wanted to go to bed and wallow in my own self pity, but I stayed up with her because I was afraid of what she might do if she was left alone. I'd wake up and everything would be bejeweled.

I took down or covered up every mirror in the house so she couldn't see herself because I knew when she did, she was going to lose her shit. She watched _Corky Romano_ while I did this, which she found a million times more entertaining than it actually was. Then we watched _Spirited Away _and I helped her eat the unbelievable amounts of food she had out in front of her. Apparently, pain killers made Rosalie hungry. She was completely enthralled with the movie and didn't really move much unless something scared her; she screamed all seven times something did.

I was slightly put off by something that didn't happen that I thought was going to; the phone never rang. Neither Jasper nor Edward tried to make contact with me. I really thought at least one of them would try to contact me to apologize or to beg me to bail them out, but the phone call never came. I guess I really pissed them off. Maybe what I thought was going to happen was happening; they both realized that I wasn't worth the trouble and said to hell with me.

Emmett showed up at about three. He knocked on the door and I went to answer it; I don't even think Rosalie heard it. I opened the door and stared at him nervously. I was expecting him to yell at me. He took a step forward and closed the door behind him. I tensed my whole body in anticipation for the verbal beating I was about to receive. He had every right to; my actions indirectly landed him in jail, gave his girlfriend a broken nose and broke the heart of his best friend. But what he did shocked me; he hugged me. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me to his chest and wrapped his humongous arms around me. I stood there with my arms limply at my sides as he held me.

I didn't really know what to do. I think I was shocked because I received the opposite reaction of what I was expecting. He parted and looked at me. He placed his massive hands on my shoulders. "Stop blaming yourself." He shook me a little and walked towards Rosalie.

What the fuck was that? That was what I needed to top off my day, a weird bizarre moment with my best friend's boyfriend. He knew me too; he knew I was blaming myself. He, like Rosalie, didn't think it was my fault, but I knew better.

I walked over to Rosalie and Emmett. I sat down in a chair so that Rosalie's back was to me and I could see Emmett. Rose's hands were hovering around her nose. "Is it really that bad?" She sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

Emmett looked up at me and I shook my head, he looked back at her and smiled. "Of course not baby, you look beautiful."

"Hooray!" She threw her arms up and wrapped them around Emmett's neck. Emmett looked over at me with wide eyes. I shrugged and told myself I was going to steal some of those pain killers for myself because they looked like a lot of fun and knew that I was going to need them.

Rosalie passed out about ten minutes later and Emmett brought her into her bedroom and didn't come back out. I was mildly disappointed that he didn't because I wanted to ask him about Edward and Jasper and what happened at the station.

It was almost four. I was relieved that I had finished almost all of my school work and the only things that weren't finished were due at the end of the week.

I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth and then took some night time cough medicine. I needed to sleep and knew that I wouldn't. Some people do a lot of things when they are stressed, drink, do drugs, eat; I didn't sleep and it fucking sucked. I took off all my clothes and climbed into bed and counted my breaths and prayed for sleep.

Until that heavenly moment arrived, my mind wandered. I thought about Jasper and Edward. I wondered if they found a way to post bail and if they did where they were now. I prayed that Jasper didn't go to a bar; he could go anywhere else, just not a place with alcohol. I also hoped that if they did get out they didn't fight each other again. I felt that stupid pain in my side that was my guilt and I started worrying about whether or not leaving them in jail was such a good idea.

I thought about this until the sweet release of sleep came and I drifted off into oblivion.

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**I have a feeling that this chapter will make or break my story for a lot of you, I hope I didn't make anyone hate this story and I hope that I didn't lose any readers. I personally loved it. Which is a big deal cause I tend to hate a lot of what I write. I liked chapter 7 and 10 and that was about it. This chapter was weird and bizarre and messy and I love it. It gives you a swirly chaotic feel which I think reflects Bella's inner struggle quite well. I'm gonna stop defending my baby and just read the reviews and hold my breath. I really think a lot of you hated this chapter. **

**I also have a feeling I'm gonna get a lot of questions. I was going to explain this chapter now but I figured I will read your reviews and answer any and all questions at the end of the next chapter.**

**I also have never been to college or university so I don't know how class assignments or essays really work and I've also never been to a hospital so I just kind of made up all that stuff and fudged a few facts because my creative license allows me to do that. **

**Ashley went nuts. I threw that in especially for into. scrapes, that one was for you sweetheart. ;)**

**Lottie2303 I can't wait for your review. I'm sure you are going to have a lot to say and I can't wait to read it. **

**Drkvctry, Tuesday Jane, ARenee363 I don't know what it is about you guys but I just love you. I have to give you a shout out every time.**

**Charley Cullen. You are insane. Your reviews are like reading something that ADD wrote. It's all over the place and I can hardly wrap my brain around but you seem excited and you like this story so thank you. Here is your shout out. **

**I love you saranic. You yet again talked me down when I was having one of my many neurotic, self loathing moments. It's good, the chapter is weird but it's good and you made me feel better about it. **

**Thanks to everyone else. I love you all. **

**Reviews, I love them. I check my email like crazy hoping someone reviewed. They are my drug. So please review.**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: So this is chapter 12. I wanted this to be up like three days ago but two things happened. First I got hooked on this story called **_**Scotch, Gin and The New Girl**_** and it's amazing and I highly recommend reading it if you like stories about bored, catty, rich kids that love to drink and fuck. Secondly I got really drunk on Friday night and I can't hold my liquor the way Bella can so Saturday was a complete write off.**

**Asher55 I'm gonna stop calling you by your pen name because everyone knows who you are. You can call me by my first name; I don't think it really matters. Ashley I love being able to tell you what's going to happen and then gauging your reaction; it tells me whether I should go that way or not. I think you are aware of how much you have helped me write this story so far. I love you.**

**Saranic I love you. I really do. You always make me feel better after I let you read it my chapters. What can I say you rock my socks clean off. **

**I just want to send my love ARenee363, TRD Dancer, Lottie2303, Claire Bloom, into. scrapes, drkvctry and Tuesday Jane's way. You guys are awesome and I love reading your reviews. I say this every time but I really mean it. xoxo**

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**EPOV**

It was familiar sitting in the back of the cop car with Jasper next to me. When we were in high school there wasn't a week that passed that we didn't see the back seat of one of Forks' finest, but the mood was so different. Where I usually felt comfortable, I was now praying for the cop to drive faster.

My body fucking killed. He had hit me a lot and he had hit me hard. He had busted my lip open and split my eyebrow and I was bleeding all over myself. I was an idiot to have fought Jasper; the second his fist connected with my kidneys I remembered that he was a boxer in high school. I knew that he could take a punch and give one and his stamina and endurance would be greater than mine.

I had gotten a few good hits in, I had busted his lip and hit him a few times in the stomach, but he definitely won. I felt like an idiot forgetting that he had boxed but in that moment, the moment he said he wanted to step outside to fight for her, that was the only thing I could think of; I was fighting for her.

My leg was bouncing like crazy because I was worrying about being in a cell with Emmett. I didn't mean to hit Rosalie, but the dumb bitch walked out into the middle of a fight. What was she thinking? I'm pretty sure that once we were put in the cell and the hand cuffs were off, he was going to kill me.

When we got there, we were put through standard police protocol and then shown to a cell to wait until we were allowed to call someone. We were the only four people in the cell, which I found odd, and none of us said anything to each other. The silence was uncomfortable and slightly eerie.

Someone came in and tended to mine and Jasper wounds and fixed us up the best they could. Jacob and Emmett were fine; they weren't trying to hurt each other. They were just trying to restrain and get around one another.

I wasn't sure if Jacob and Emmett knew that someone was coming for them. "Renesmee is going to come to bail you two out. She should be here soon." I said looking at Emmett and Jacob. They both looked up at me slowly and then looked away.

Jacob was mad. He was a good kid; he never got into trouble, never. He never got detention or got yelled at by teachers or co-workers and he never got in trouble with the law. I felt bad. He was in here because he was trying to protect me, and I could have prevented this whole thing by just being patient. But I had gotten sick and tired of waiting for Bella to make her choice and I'd thought I'd help her out. I got up on that stage with the full intention of letting everyone in that bar know I was singing to her and everyone most definitely found out.

A cop came to the cell and opened it and pointed at Jacob. He stood and went to make his phone call.

I looked over at Emmett. "Hey man, I'm sorry that I hit Rosalie. It was an accident." I really was sorry; I thought she was a fucking moron for meddling in something that had nothing to do with her, but she didn't deserve a broken nose.

He looked up at me again and just stared at me with sad eyes. It made me uncomfortable and I couldn't understand why he wasn't tensing up again and preparing to take my head off. It made me feel like he had been in this position before and he was seeing it from both sides.

I looked over at Jasper who had his head leaned up against the wall and had his eyes closed. He was breathing calmly; steadily breathing in and out like he was counting his breaths. "Do you know who you're calling, man?" He didn't say anything; he just kept breathing. I didn't really know if he knew I was talking to him.

I knew that he couldn't call his parents because they weren't in the country. Jasper's parents always retreated to the Caymans a month before Christmas and returned on Christmas Eve. This was just one of the many trips Jasper's parents were always taking. Jasper's family had money, lots of it.

His grandfather was an oil tycoon in Texas and when he retired he left the business to Jasper's father, Phillip.

I never understood why Jasper hated the money so much, but he did. He did everything in his power to make it look like he came from a normal modest family. He wore inexpensive clothes, drove inexpensive cars, when he did drink it was always cheap liquor and beer and he never carried more than forty dollars in his wall at any given time.

It seemed like he was embracing his riches more lately; he was wearing a Calvin Klein dress shirt, jeans by Gucci and his shoes were Prada. I knew these designers because my mother insisted that I wear them; my favourite T-Rex shirt was paired with jeans by Dior and I was wearing the same Prada loafers he was wearing.

He didn't say anything.

I widened my eyes. "All your friends are in here with you and Bella's not going to come and get you-" I was talking because I was nervous. I was waiting for him and Emmett to get up and finish the job Jasper started; destroying my pretty little face. "- You just can't have your parents wire you money, someone has to bail you-"

He cut me off. "Edward." He raised his head and looked at me. "Shut the fuck up." He leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes again.

"Once I get out I'll organize some things and bail him out in the morning." Emmett said looking at me then looking over at Jasper. Jasper looked in Emmett's direction and nodded.

Jacob came back and the cop pointed at Emmett who stood and followed him.

I wanted to ask who he called, but I didn't want to speak anymore because I knew I was pissing everyone off. We sat in silence and I closed my eyes and thought about Bella. What was she doing right now? Who was she with? What was she thinking about? I figured she was probably with Rosalie feeling guilty. She was probably pacing her apartment debating whether or not she should come down and bail us out.

Emmett never came back inside the cell; Renesmee had shown up and had filled out the paper work to bail them out. The cop instead took both Jacob and Jasper out, and I was left there alone.

I finally got to something I had wanted to do since I was put in handcuffs. I let the pain I was feeling show. The facial wounds didn't hurt nearly as much as my body did. Jasper's fists were like little balls of concrete. I lifted up my shirt and examined my side that had already starting to bruise. I was going to be black and blue all over for a very long time.

I lowered my shirt and then I starting thinking about who I was going to call. My heart started racing because I couldn't think of anyone. Who the fuck would come and get me? I couldn't call Bella, she didn't seem too pleased with either of us and I knew that she would say no. Then I would just make her feel even guiltier. Emmett and Rosalie were out of the question, I'm pretty sure Rosalie would never speak to me again. Jacob couldn't because I knew Renesmee wouldn't let him, and I'm pretty sure he didn't want to anyway. Ashley, I touched my nose, nope. Alice lived too far away. My mother couldn't drive and my father hated me. I could call Easton, but I didn't know him well enough. It would feel awkward asking him for this big of a favour. All the friends I had made at school were just being bailed out or weren't speaking to me. I couldn't think of anyone that would come and help me out. I figured I was just going have to bite the bullet and call my parents.

Jasper re-entered the cell and sat where Emmett was once sitting, leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. The cop pointed at me and I stood to go make my phone call. He brought me down three long corridors and then into a small room with a chair and a phone. I sat down and stared at it and racked my brain for anyone else I could call, and then it hit me. I would rather risk making this person mad than my parents. The worst thing that could possible happen would be I would call him, he would tell me to fuck off and then I'd be stuck in here till someone else called my parents or until Jake or Bella caved and came and got me.

I picked up the phone and dialled the number I had memorized when I became friends with Bella.

It rang six times before he picked up. He sounded groggy and I knew I had just woke him up out of a deep sleep. "Hello."

"Hey Charlie, it's Edward Cullen." This was a fucking dumb idea; he was never going to get me.

He sighed and I heard what sounded like a light switch. "What station are you at?"

He knew me so well. "Um." I had no idea. I looked on the table and saw a little of pad of paper that said Seattle Police Department on it and figured we must be at the only station in Seattle. "The Seattle Police Station, the main building I guess."

"Okay. I have some friends there, so I'll make some calls. Can anyone come and get you?" I heard something break where ever he was.

"Charlie, if I had someone to come and get me would I really be calling you in the middle of the night asking you to bail me out?" I was embarrassed. "I can't call my parents, you know my dad."

"Yeah, he's not the most caring understanding guy I've ever met." He paused. "What about Bella, can't she come and get you?"

I laughed a little. "Uhhhh..."

"She's the reason you're in there isn't she?"

"In a way."

"Roberts is in there with you, isn't he?"

"Yep." Charlie Swan, you all knowing mother fucker.

"Yeah well, I saw this one coming. Bella would talk about how she did this and that with Edward Cullen. I knew it was only a matter of time before I got a call from one of you asking me to get someone out of jail." I heard clanking of mugs; he must have been making coffee.

"Yeah." I tried to laugh casually.

"I'm gonna make some calls, but neither of you are going anywhere till I get to the station and pick you up, got it?" I heard a spoon clink china.

"Yes, sir."

"Alright, I will see you in about three hours." He hung up.

I ran my hands through my hair and widened my eyes blowing out air. I couldn't fucking believed that worked. I leaned back in the chair and smiled. Charlie Swan pretended to be a hard ass, but really he was a big softy, just like his daughter. He cared about us - Jasper, Alice and me. We made his life a living hell in high school and still I can call him at two o'clock in the morning and he would get up and drive for hours to come and help me when I needed it.

I was scared shitless when the cop tapped on the door. I stood and he accompanied me back to the cell.

Jasper was lying down and his chest was moving steadily. I was sure he was asleep, but I spoke to him anyway. "I got someone to bail us out."

He jolted and half sat up to look at me and rubbed one of his eyes. "Us?"

"Yes, the both of us." I sat down and looked at him down my nose.

"Who?"

"Charlie."

"You called her fucking dad. He already fucking hates me." He turned over and rested his cheek on his arm.

I smiled. "I know." I chuckled under my breath. God I was an asshole, I knew he didn't hate him; he just didn't like the idea of anyone fucking his daughter. I looked down at him again. "You're welcome."

He sat up and pointed at himself. "I'm not thanking you for anything. I have a way out; I just have to wait for it. The only reason he's coming down here is because Bella cares about us and he loves Bella. That's it. That's the reason." He laid back down and closed his eyes.

That was probably the reason, but I also thought it was also because he liked us. I liked to think of Charlie as a pal rather than an authority figure. And as irritating as we were, we gave him something to do other than getting Ms. Sparrow's cat down from a tree.

We sat in silence for a little while till I opened my mouth again. "Who did you call?"

He sighed and was silent for awhile. "I called my sponsor."

I wasn't expecting that. I had kind of forgotten that he was going through all this counselling shit. Bella talked about it from time to time but when she did, I zoned out and watched the way her lips moved when she talked. "Did you ask him to bail you out?"

"No." He didn't want to talk to me, his voice was frank and he answered me quickly. The shitty thing about becoming enemies with a friend is you don't lose that ability to talk to them and tell them things you wish you hadn't, it fucking sucked and it was happening to Jasper. "I told him what happened and asked his advice. He's fucking crazy and I can't understand what he's saying half the time. He's like all spiritual or some shit." He pinched the bridge of his nose and tongued his lip.

"What did he say?"

"Why do you care?" He was so irritated.

Why did I care? I was bored. "I don't know."

"He said what's happened has happened and what's coming is already on its way."

"What kind of advice is that?"

"I know." He looked over at me. "It basically means that if I'm going to drink again it's already decided for me and I can't do anything to change it." He laid back down again and I followed suit. We were done talking and now we just had to wait for Charlie. He said three hours but I knew it would be more like two. It was late at night and he was in the cruiser. I knew he'd have the lights on and he'd be driving well above the speed limit.

I closed my eyes and fell asleep rather quickly. Like usual, I dreamt of Bella. It wasn't erotic, well at least not this dream. We were in _Doherty's_ and she was looking at books. She would take them off the shelves and handle them like she was a treasure hunter that had just found something that was thought to be long lost. She would run her long fingers down the pages and tell me about the characters and why she loved them. She would tuck her hair behind her ears and blush when she admitted she had crushes on fictional characters. I jolted when I heard a loud metal tapping noise.

I shot up right and immediately grabbed my sides as my body screamed with pain. I managed to look up and saw Charlie Swan standing outside the cell in all his moustachey glory. He was shaking his head. "Christ. Look at the two of you."

I looked over at Jasper who looked like he still had no idea where was. He was always a deep sleeper.

The familiar cop that had brought all of us to the room with the phone opened the cell door. Charlie stepped aside and made a motion with his arm that told us to get up and move, now. "Out. No talking."

Jasper and I shuffled out of the cell and followed Charlie and the other cop as they led us back to the front of the station. We turned and Charlie pointed to two seats which Jasper and I promptly sat down in.

Charlie sauntered over to where four other cops stood and began having a conversation; it lasted for forty-five minutes. Once he was done, he walked over to us and told us to follow. He escorted us to the cruiser and put us in the back. This was really familiar, the tan seats, the smell of leather and smoke and dirty people that this car had always smelled like. For a second I missed my childhood.

He asked us where both of us lived and then started driving. He didn't say a word and neither did we; fifteen minutes later he pulled the car over. "Well, this is in the middle of both of your houses. It shouldn't take the both of you more than ten minutes to walk home."

We both nodded and went to undo our seat belts. I heard Charlie shuffling around up front and I looked up and saw Jasper's face before I saw Charlie. Jasper looked scared, like fucking terrified. I slowly turned my head over to see Charlie pointing a gun at the both of us. He closed his eyes and sighed before he started talking. "I don't want to know all the circumstances of why you were fighting tonight. I know it was over Bella and it can't be easy for the both of you because she's a weird, indecisive girl that usually takes on more than she can handle. However, if I find out you are making my little girl's life any more difficult than it needs to be, I will hunt you both down and take you out."

He used one of the most cliché lines in the history of cliché lines, but when he said it this particular time, it terrified me. I think it had something to do with the gun.

"And believe me, I know of places to bury you where no one would ever find you. This is your warning, your free pass. If she calls me and sounds even the tiniest bit sad, I don't care if you caused it or not, I'm coming for the both of you." He looked away from the both of us and put the gun away. I immediately relaxed. "Now get out of the car and don't ever call me again."

We scrambled to get out and stood on the curb and watched him drive away. Jasper moved first in the direction of his apartment. "Aren't you going to see Bella?" I was confused.

He stopped in the middle of the street, turned and looked at me. "Why would I do that? She doesn't want to see us right now and to be completely honest with you; I don't want to see her, either."

I furrowed my brow. "Why?"

"Because unlike you Edward, I just found out about this whole thing like six hours ago and I'm really not all that pleased with her." He looked away from me and ran his hand through his hair, laughed a little and shook his head. "I flat out asked her if she had feelings for you and she lied. I could give a fuck if she likes you or loves you or if she's been fucking you or whatever. I just wanna know that she trusts me enough to tell me when she's going through something like this." He looked at the ground. "I guess I really don't deserve her trust, but it still fucking sucks and I'm tired and sore and want to be alone." He turned and started walking away from me.

I wanted to say something, but I couldn't think of something that was appropriate. He turned around again just as he stepped up onto the side walk. "And I really think it sucks that you and me aren't friends anymore." He paused. "It makes me sad." He looked sad and hurt and I felt the stabbing pain of guilt. I didn't care about hurting Jasper until I actually did it, and now that I had, I felt like shit.

I watched as he rounded the corner and I walked to my dorm. This night didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. I had gone about this Bella situation the wrong way. I shouldn't have done the things I had done, treated Ashley the way that I did, fucked over Jake or Jazz. I wanted her so badly and I wasn't anticipating the outcome properly. I figured it would work out the way it did for characters on TV. They were hurt, but everyone would get over it and we all be having a ripping good time at the bar next week. But real life doesn't work that way. And a cold hearted bastard on a quest for a girl never really is a cold hearted bastard, just an ignorant idiot asshole with feelings that he couldn't fully comprehend. That was me, I was the ignorant asshole.

I was blinded by Bella. I was still blinded, I could barely see an inch in front of me, but it was an inch more than before. I still wanted her as badly as I ever had, but I had some things to rectify that I knew would never be fixed and I was an idiot.

I showered and let the hot water slowly help my muscles relax. I walked to my dorm and stared at it. It reflected my life; it was cold and empty.

**BPOV**

I woke up at noon. I was still tired, but my mind was working on over drive and I knew that I wasn't getting back to sleep. I walked out of my room and saw Rosalie sitting around the island looking at herself in a mirror. She had tears streaming down her face; she looked up at me. "Look at my face."

It had gotten worse. The bruises under her eyes were massive; she still looked beautiful, but it was pretty bad. I walked up to the island and sat in the seat opposite her. "It doesn't look that bad." I was trying to sound sympathetic, but I didn't think it was working.

She looked up at me through her lashes, her mouth pursed and her nostrils flaring. "I am going to kill them both." She said slowly, pronouncing every word to its fullest.

"Jasper didn't hit you." I should have just agreed with her.

"He ducked. My nose is broken because he ducked and Edward threw the punch. They will die horrible fiery deaths. I'm sorry Bella, but no one hits Rosalie Hale, no one." She looked back down at the mirror.

I actually gulped. I had never seen her this pissed off or mad before. I was actually afraid that she might kill them or she'd get her parents to hire someone to do it. "Did you take anymore of the pain killers?"

"How else do you think I'm going to get through this?" She was devastated and I knew why. Rosalie was fast talking and had no problem putting people in their place, but she didn't consider herself a smart person. She was smart enough; she knew things about world and culture, but after awhile you would lose her in certain conversations. The only thing that Rosalie thought she had going was her looks, and I knew now that her face was all busted up she would think no one would want her.

I got up and poured myself a cup of coffee and took another mug down when I heard Emmett shuffling down the hallway. He sat beside Rosalie and placed his cell phone on the island. I made his coffee the way he liked it, just tiniest bit of cream, and placed it in front of him.

He was holding Rosalie's face in his hands. The pain killers were starting to kick in because she was looking happier and she was running her fingers over Emmett's hands. "I'm gonna break Cullen's legs." He said letting go of her face and taking a sip of his coffee.

I sighed. "Please don't hurt him." I took a sip of my coffee.

He looked up at me and with sad eyes. "You're not going to choose Jasper, are you?" I kept forgetting that Jasper and him were friends; that they lived together, that it was probably just as difficult and emotional being his friend as it was being his girlfriend. I felt bad for Emmett because he never complained and always looked on the bright side.

"I really wish people would stop asking me that." I really was getting sick of that question and any of its variations. He just nodded and looked back at Rosalie. I was relieved that he didn't push and pry, but I knew that he was going to take my answer as a yes.

I watched the both of them together as Rosalie leaned against his huge bicep and started drinking her coffee with a spoon. I wished I could remember Emmett's brother Cole. It was at the beginning of mine and Rosalie's friendship and we didn't hang out that often around that time. I wish I could have seen how Rosalie and Cole were together; I wanted to see if she looked as comfortable with Cole as she did with Emmett. She chose Emmett, she was in my situation, she had two men and she made her choice. From the looks of it, it was the right one. She seemed to have no regrets and I wanted that.

That's what I was afraid of. I was afraid of making the wrong choice, I was afraid that I was going to screw myself over and end up with something that wasn't right. They both felt right. They were so different, but so much alike it made the decision even more difficult.

But I had to make my choice. I had to look inside myself and pick the one I wanted more. I had to do what was right for me, not for the boys who I loved so much. It was the only thing that was fair to the both of them, and I knew I had to do it quickly.

Emmett's phone vibrated on the marble counter top and I jumped. I fucking hated that noise. He opened it and pressed it to his ear. "Hello… hey… okay… yeah, I'll tell her." He snapped the phone shut and looked at me. "Jasper's out and so is Edward. He told me to tell you that cause he knows you'll worry." He sipped his coffee again.

I closed my eyes and pushed myself away from the island and went into my room. I laid back down and wrapped myself in my blankets so I was in a warm cocoon. I was happy that they were out and wondered who had done it. I told myself that I would find that person and hug and kiss him or her. I laid there for a couple of hours knowing that I wasn't going to sleep and I threw off the blankets and grabbed a pad of paper and a pen.

I wrote each of their names at the top and made two columns. I started making my pro and cons list and started moving closer to making my impossible choice.

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**So like I promised I'm going to answer any and all questions you asked. Feel free to ask me question. If you ask a question 9/10 I'm going to answer it. Unless it's something like 'What's going to happen?' I will not answer that question.**

**Okay like everyone has asked this question, when is Alice going to show up? Answer: Soon**

**Tuesday Jane: Yes Bella really does think that she is that selfish. She thinks she is weak in her inability to control her emotions and in her inability to be content with Jasper; she hates herself for wanting Edward too. I hoped that helped.**

**DeathByChanel: You asked am I going to hold out on the resolution? I can't say without ruining it but what can say is that there is lots of angst ahead. **

**Lottie2303: Jasper addiction will be discussed later. I can't say too much about it or it will give it away. But I understand what you are saying. Love you babe.**

**Chicalicious: About Ashley she knew something was up but didn't admit it to herself. What girl likes their boyfriend having a girl friend that they constantly hang out with? So she wasn't too fond of Bella also when Bella said that Ashley was eyeing her it was Bella's paranoia. Ashley wanted to make it work with Edward because he was doing enough to make her think that he was still into her and honestly would you dump Edward Cullen? I wouldn't. **

**Jaydubb: No I will not marry you. Firstly I don't think we know each other that well. Secondly you're a lady and I love my men but I can safely say I like you a lot.**

**Meghan Bailey: I hope this chapter told you enough about how the characters feel about the situation. Jasper is pissed at Bella he just wanted to get his aggression out on Edward first. Emmett and Rosalie found themselves in this situation not too long ago; they understand what she is going through. Renesmee sides with Ashley and doesn't care much for Bella. Jacob is concerned for Edward but is pissed because he knew that something like this would happen if Edward pursued Bella, Jacob just sees Bella as a variable in the equation.**

**I hoped that helped. I don't like to explain everything in detail; I don't like to hold the readers hand. People do things for no good reason and sometimes it doesn't make sense but that's the way people are. I am very much about realism even in surreal events if that makes any sense. **

**I wanna thank everyone for reviewing; I appreciate and love it so much it makes my heart swell. I know I point out a few people but that doesn't mean I don't notice when someone reviews for the second or third time, I do and I love it.**

**So the next chapter, chapter 13 is the chapter that I thought up in February, the chapter I have been waiting to write, the chapter that spawned the twelve chapter's before it. I can't wait to see what you all say. **

**Reviews, reviews, reviews, please!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: What an epic day. My first twofer. Are you guys ready? I literally couldn't breathe when I wrote this. I'm so fucking excited.**

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**EPOV**

For the next week we did exactly like Rosalie had asked; we stayed away from each other, well at least I did. I was ready to talk, but I knew everyone else wasn't. I knew that if I tried to make contact with anyone, it would just be a giant explosion of emotions.

My face was healing as well to be expected. My nose, eye and mouth were all swollen and I couldn't move too much without being in pain.

I spoke with Jake though, and like everything with Jake, he had gotten over it. He still wasn't too happy with the situation because unlike Jake, Renesmee was still pissed and kept him away a lot.

The conversation went exactly the way I thought it would; Jake came back to the dorm after staying at Renesmee's for two days. I was sitting my bed smoking a cigarette trying to finish the last of my psychology essays and he barrelled into the room. He sat on his bed and grabbed a stress ball off the night table and I looked at him over my thick rimmed glasses. I had to wear them after I had been staring at a computer screen for as long as I had. I took the cigarette out of my mouth. He looked up at me and had the first words because I let him and because he deserved it. "You're a fucking idiot man."

"Yep." I took a long drag of the cigarette and blew smoke rings into the room.

"I told you it would end this way, didn't I?"

I nodded. "You did."

"Then why did you do it then, man? Everyone is mad at you and Bella still hasn't chosen." He paused and threw the stress ball into the corner of the room.

"I don't know. I just want her so bad, I had to do something." I said putting my cigarette out in an ashtray I had sitting beside me. "Have you ever met someone that completes you? Someone that you are so sure is right for you that you'd do anything to get to her?"

He smirked. "Easy there Jerry Maguire." He paused and nodded. "But yeah, I know what you mean."

I sighed and we sat in silence for about a minute. I looked at him. "I'm sorry dude, for everything." I took off my glasses. "Jail, the shit storm I created for you and Renesmee and me being a complete asshole, I'm sorry." I really was.

"I know." He looked away from me and grinned. He stood and opened his arms. "Bring it in here for the real thing."

I smiled and pushed my laptop aside and stood and hugged him. Fuck he was so fucking tall. We parted and we both sat down on our beds. He looked around the room with a face that told me he wanted to ask me something, but didn't want to pry. I lit another cigarette. "What man?"

He looked at me. "Has she contacted you?"

I shook my head. "No. I've texted her though. She still has my jacket from that night at the bar." I cocked my head to the side and eyed him suspiciously. Jake never brought anything up unless he had information himself. "Do you know if she has contacted Jasper?" This part of the conversation I wasn't expecting.

He nodded. "Yeah, she did. It didn't go too well."

"Who told you this?" I almost demanded to know.

"Emmett." He was running his tongue along his teeth.

I nodded. Since the formal, Emmett and Jake have started this weird friendship and I guess their fight the other night hadn't changed that. "What happened?" I felt bad that this made me happy.

"Apparently the conversation was normal, it was over the phone and she was telling him what happened exactly and then he just lost it. He started yelling at her and she started yelling at him and then she hung up on him." His eyes widened.

"Did they break up?"

"I don't know. I don't think she's with either of you right now. I think she is trying to figure shit out, but she's freaking out about Jasper. He won't return any of her phone calls or texts. Emmett hasn't seen him either. Everybody's pretty fucking worried and everyone thinks he relapsed." He sighed.

I felt sick. Guilt was a fucking shitty feeling and the worst was happening. He was fucking relapsing and it was partly my fault. I can't even imagine what Bella must have been feeling. "How is Bella?"

He shrugged. "Emmett didn't really talk about her. He said that she's basket case. She's dealing with this and school and it's draining on her." He laid down and then looked over at me with wary eyes. "And if I was you, I would never go near Rosalie again."

"Yeah." I figured that one; he really didn't need to confirm it. "How's Ashley?" He looked at me like I was a moron. I nodded. "I should probably just stay away from her too, yeah?"

"Yeah, you are never fixing that one." It was silent for a little while and then he started laughing. "You got punched by a girl." He rolled around on the bed laughing.

"Shut up man." I threw a pillow at him.

He sat up still laughing. "You don't look that bad man. You're lucky you have such a pretty face to begin with." I shrugged and he shook his head. "No, I'm serious. We could walk into a bar right now and you would still get more chicks than me."

"I don't think that's true, but whatever." I put my glasses back on and pulled my laptop up on my lap again. I felt a little bit better. Jake and I were fine. I had a friend and it made this whole situation so much better.

I went to my final classes before the winter break and handed in all the assignments that were due. On Thursday Bella messaged me. She told me that she had given my jacket to Emmett, who was giving it to Jacob, who would in turn give it to me. I wanted to talk her. She talked to Jasper, why couldn't she make actually contact with me? I messaged her back asking her to call me, she didn't respond.

I sighed and told myself that I would talk to her in Forks. I would track her down and force her to talk to me. A week was long enough, she had her space and I had to know if she was alright.

I had my final class on Friday and my final shift at the restaurant that night before I went home for the next month. I was looking forward to it; my warm bed, my room, my house, my town, my mother's cooking. It would be fantastic and I could regenerate there.

Friday dragged. My philosophy class was so long and boring I thought I might actually die there. I went back to my dorm and packed my shit up so I would be ready to leave early in the morning and then I went to work. I was supposed to work with Bella that night, but she had called in for all of her shifts that week.

My mother had called me like seven times, probably wanting to know when I'd be in the next day and what I wanted to eat when I got there.

It was pretty busy night and I made a killing, even with my busted face. Jacob was right. I had to stay later because I had multiple tables all the way up to closing. It was about eleven and I had just finished vacuuming when I heard a knock on the door. I went over to see who it was; it was Bella. She gave me this half wave thing when she saw me, but she didn't smile. At least I think she didn't. It was kind of hard to see her face because she was rocking a heavy side bang. She was dressed funny too, she was wearing this oversized Nirvana t-shirt and the bottoms to a hot pink velour sweat suit and this ugly jean jacket that had been heavily bejewelled. It threw me off; Bella didn't have the best fashion sense, but what she wore always matched at the very least.

I unlocked the door and let her in. The wind blew her scent at me. She reeked of cigarettes and bourbon to the point where it made me feel a little sick. She walked past me into the dining room. I watched her bring a cigarette to her lips and inhale. I walked up to her. "You smell like a fucking bar."

She looked up at me and sneered. "That's because I just drank half of one." She smiled at me all bitchy like. "How was jail?" She looked around the restaurant.

I ignored her question and pointed at her cigarette. "You can't smoke that in here." She turned and stared at me and took a long drag. She blew the smoke in my face and walked into the servery and I followed her. Something was wrong. She didn't give a shit about her appearance and she was fucking loaded. She hadn't touched a drop since Jasper had come back.

She was in the fridge and pulled out a beer and opened it. I pointed at the bottle. "Are you gonna pay for that?"

She turned and smiled. "No Eddy, this one's on you."

She walked toward the c.d. player and started rifling through the c.d.'s that sat there. She picked up one and pushed eject on the player and tossed the one I had in there aside. It was a _Kate Bush_ song I had never heard before. She had her cigarette hanging out of her mouth while she did this. "You still can't smoke that in here."

She turned and back up slightly when she realized that I had her cornered, she recovered quickly. "It funny because I still am." She took a drag and exhaled threw her nose while she stared at me slightly wobbling. "Now let me pass." Her eyes were intense. Her irises looked like they were moving, like it was magma that was slowly turning behind her eyes. I moved out of the way and she walked into the dining room.

Something was really wrong and I was starting to feel a little panicked. What had happened? Why did she come to me and not to Rosalie? I guess she couldn't go to Jasper, she didn't know where he was unless she did know and that's why she was here and drunk. My heart started racing. I hoped it was a grieving an ended relationship drunk and not something else.

I walked into the dining room and found her sitting in the first booth playing an imaginary piano singing quietly to herself. I shook my head and took out my cigarettes; if she was going to smoke, then fuck it so was I. I stood in front of her smoking my cigarette as she lost herself in the music. "How much have you had to drink?" It was always so hard to tell with her. Bella was a fucking tank; she could drink more alcohol than anyone I had ever seen. What would get most people drunk would barely faze Bella.

She jolted out of her musical daze and looked at me. She squinted her eyes and skewed her lips like she was trying to remember. "Well, I started my afternoon out with one of Rosalie's pain killers and a mickey of vodka that I found in her room." She made her face normal. "We've gotten rid of all the alcohol in the house for Jasper's sake, you know." I nodded and she continued. "Then I went to Twilight and Josh let me drink a forty of bourbon cause I told him I would call a cab." She started laughing. "He's so trusting."

"Did you call a cab to get here?" My arms were crossed; for some reason she was annoying me.

"No, I walked." She took the last drag of her cigarette and then got up and gave it to me. She flopped back down into her seat and I grabbed a beer bottle and put it in there. I dropped my own cigarette in there as well. "Bella, what happened?"

Her head jolted and her face became severe, like I had just asked her something personal or I had greatly offended her. She was clenching her jaw and started tilting her head from side to side. She stuck her hand inside her pocket and started fumbling with a package of cigarettes. She finally managed to get one out of the pack and then couldn't get her lighter to work. I leaned forward and lit it for her. She took a swig of beer and then exhaled.

I just stood there watching her, not being able to sit; I don't know why, I just couldn't. Maybe it was because I was freaked out and worried. Why was she like this?

She looked at me and parted her lips to speak. "I usually drink to forget things." Her eyes fluttered a little and she took another drag. "If I get a bad mark on test or an assignment, or if I have a fight with a friend, or I break up with someone." She looked up at me through her lashes. My heart started racing and she had done it, she had broken up with Jasper. She was drowning her sorrows before coming to me. She was here to tell me that she wanted me.

She looked away. "But I've never had to drink for this reason before." She finished her beer and slumped in her seat.

Fuck. What happened? What reason? Whatever it was, it was bad. Her head lulled slightly. "I thought the alcohol would make it better, but it just made me feel worse. Like it blocked out every thought but this one." She smoked again and I tried to catch my breath.

I had a fucking good idea starting to form of why she was here, but I didn't want to admit it. It couldn't have happened. There was another reason. Something else, anything else, just not this. He couldn't have. I stumbled forward slightly my guilt encompassing my every pour. "What happened Bella?" I could barely force the words out. I didn't want her to tell me.

"I haven't said it out loud yet so it's not real, you know? Once I say it it's real. It's a part of my life." She took another drag.

Oh fuck. He killed himself. Jasper fucking went and killed himself. He couldn't stand the rejection and the hurt twice, so he killed himself; after a five day bender no doubt. Fuck, I had killed him. It was me, it was what me and Bella did that had sent him over the edge and he was fucking dead, I knew it, all she had to do was say it. "Bella."

She looked at me and rubbed her temple and slowly closed her eyes. She was silent for only a couple of seconds but it felt like hours. She swallowed loudly and opened her eyes and looked at me. She was so fucking sad and she parted her lips and hummed just a little before she spoke. "My dad died today." She looked away from me.

I could barely move, I kind of fell into the booth. I wasn't expecting that and it felt like I had just been hit in the chest with a baseball bat. I sat in front of her trying to take in air, but I couldn't. The news was suffocating and I could barely breathe. "What?"

She nodded. "Yeah, he died. Charlie, he died." Her voice cracked as she brought her trembling hand to lips and smoked her cigarette.

Had her hand always been trembling like that? I couldn't remember. How could he be dead? I saw him five days ago and now he was dead. No, this isn't right, he couldn't be dead. "How?"

She reached across the table and put the rest of her cigarette in the bottle. She rubbed her lips with her hand. "He got shot." I could barely hear her.

"How?"

She furrowed her brow. "With a fucking gun Edward!" She yelled at me and it made me jump.

I took my cigarette that had burnt to the filter and put it in the bottle. I rubbed my hands over my face and forced myself to breathe. "Yes, but what was the series of events that led to this?" I couldn't say death, I couldn't say his death.

She placed her hands flat on the table. "There was a drifter coming through town and he decided to rob the, uh, hardware store, you know Archie's?" She looked at me.

I nodded. "Yeah, it's right by my house."

She nodded. "Yeah well, he, this drifter, decided to rob Archie's and one of the people in the hardware store called the cops, and when the call was put out my dad was the closest and got there first." She leaned over the table and placed her forehead in her hand. "My dad came in and saw him and spooked him pretty bad and the guy turned and shot at him. He got four shots off, but only two of them hit him. One hit him in the neck piercing his jugular and the other one hit his heart." She paused and her eyes moved like she was seeing it in front of her. "He bled out before the ambulances got there." She sat back in the booth.

I sat there with my mouth wide open. I wanted to say something, but I knew nothing would help. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms, but I couldn't move. I knew why my mom was calling me now, she was calling me to tell me this had happened, and she could probably give a fuck about what I wanted to eat when I got home.

"My dad got shot in fucking Forks, Washington. Besides the three thousand people that live there, what like twelve people know it exists, and my dad got shot. I know he's a cop, but I've never worried about him getting hurt." She looked away from me.

"Did they catch the guy who did it?"

She nodded. "Yeah. He didn't get very far; he was on foot so…" She trailed off.

I nodded, that made me feel better. "I'm so sorry Bella."

She looked up at me, she looked confused. "And he had to die now, right when everything was okay between us. Right when he was starting to know who I was and I was starting to know who he was; it's fucking bullshit, you know?" She started shaking her head. "And I can't cry. It's like my emotions are paralyzed. I can feel them, I can feel my sadness and the weight of it is crushing me, like it's suffocating me, but I can't let it out." She looked away from me and she took a few deep breathes.

"It will happen, you're just in shock." I could feel my sadness; it was creeping up on me, and I had to get out of here.

She shook her head. "I just want to drink until I can't feel anything anymore."

"Bella if you drink anymore you'll die."

She looked up at me with a look that said she wouldn't be opposed to it. "Edward, I just need to feel something else. I can't remember what it feels like to be happy. I've felt nothing but guilt and anger and sadness for weeks." She kept shaking her head. "What did I do? I'm not a bad person, but bad things happen to me whether I bring them on myself or not." She paused. "I'm too young to be this sad all the time." She closed her eyes.

I forced myself to move; I stood up and moved around the table and sat beside her. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her into my chest hoping that this gesture would help her cry. It didn't, she just sat there with her head against my chest and started counting. "What are you doing?" I was confused.

"I'm counting your breaths. It calms me." She started tracing her finger over my chest, making patterns. "I have to go to Forks and plan a funeral. What the fuck do I know about funerals?"

Fuck, this trip home was going to suck. My mother was going to be a mess.

"Bella, I think I should take you home." I needed some alone time. I needed to be away from her because I could feel my emotions brimming and it was getting hard to keep my eyes clear.

She grabbed a hold of my shirt. "No, Edward please. I just want to drink. Please just do this for me. You don't owe me anything, but please."

I looked down at her, she was looking up at me, my hand cradling her face and I nodded. If she wanted to drink on the day she lost her father, then she could fucking drink.

I got up and ran to the back to get changed and when I returned she had passed out in the booth. I tried to clean up the best that I could and left a not for Easton so he wouldn't flip when he got in the next morning. He would understand.

I put on my backpack and bent over and carefully picked her up. She was so little. I opened the front door of the restaurant and put her in the passenger seat of the Volvo. I went back and locked up and got in the car. I carefully reached across her and pulled her seatbelt over and buckled her up and thought about where I should take her.

I could take her to her place and risk being killed by Rosalie. So, I was taking her to my place because I didn't want to die at Rosalie hands. I raced towards my dorm knowing that Jacob would be with Renesmee, knowing that she could have my bed, knowing that she'd be safe.

I kept looking at her chest to make sure she was still breathing, I was afraid that she was going to have alcohol poisoning or something, but she was always breathing.

I took her out of the car and carried her upstairs to my room. I opened the door and flicked on a light so I wouldn't trip over anything like I normally did. I placed her on the bed and removed her shoes and that ugly jacket and covered her with a blanket. I found a bottle of water and a bucket. I placed them beside the bed. I stood back and watched her breathe in and out slowly. Sleep was the only escape she had, and I hoped her dreams were good ones.

I grabbed my phone and stepped out into the hallway. I dialled a familiar number and pressed talk. My mother picked up after the second ring, she sounded terrible. "Hello."

"Hey mom." I clenched my jaw because I knew I was going to break here, talking to my mother.

"Oh Edward." She started sobbing; I just let her until she wanted to talk again. "Did you hear about Charlie?"

"Yeah mom, I heard about Charlie." I blinked a couple of time clearing some of the first tears from my eyes.

"It's so terrible." She paused. "Have you seen Bella? Does she know?" She sobbed some more.

"Yeah, I've seen her and she knows."

"Is she okay?" I could see my mother right now, sitting alone in our house with a glass of wine or possibly a bottle, crying over a man she had some sort of connection with. It broke my fucking heart.

"No ma, she's not okay." Fuck it, I'm sad and I let the tears fall.

A new burst of sobs came from her. "Are you still coming home tomorrow?"

"Yeah." My voice was thick.

"Your sister got on a bus a couple of hours ago when she heard, she loved Charlie." I heard something shatter wherever my mom was in the house.

"Are you okay mom?" I asked genuinely wanting to know how she was. How this was affecting her.

"No." That was it. She wasn't okay, and I wanted to be there with her. I had been so neglectful over the past couple of months and I knew that she must have been going crazy in that house.

But I had to let her go. I needed to be by myself. "Mom, I gotta go, but I'll see you tomorrow. I love you." I wiped the falling tears from my face.

"I love you too." It was barely understandable when she said it, through her sobs and she hung up.

I stood and opened the door to my room and gathered a towel and my toiletries and went to have a shower. By the time I got to the bathroom, I was sobbing. I couldn't control myself and it fucking killed my face, but I couldn't stop.

I ran the water to it was almost uncomfortably hot and I cried.

It's funny how you don't realize how important someone was to you till they're gone. That's what happened with Charlie. He had always been in my life, always. Even when I was little and wasn't getting into trouble he was there; doing his job protecting us from the dangers that Forks never had until today.

I saw him almost every day of my teenage life. He was there yelling at me most of the time, but he'd give me advice about school and girls and tell me stories about when he was young. He would tell me jokes when we were waiting around for my parents to come and collect me and he always looked out for me.

My mother had nurtured me and did her best to make me into a good person, but Charlie was the father I never had; he was everything that Carlisle couldn't be, and he was gone.

I stood in that shower and cried for forty-five minutes until I felt like I was going to die unless I stopped. I shuffled back to my room exhausted from the day and I changed into some pyjama pants. I laid down on Jacob's bed. I stared at Bella and thought of how everything had changed in such a short time, and how I had to back off and be whatever she needed me to be so she could get through this.

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**So there it is. The chapter that spawned it all. **

**I love you guys. I'm not going to shout out, I love you all. I'm all teary now, this chapter made me cry.**

**So everything is going to change now. I hoped you liked it. **

**Please review or I'm gonna have a fucking heart attack.**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hey y'all. So I think you are all pretty sad from what happened in chapter 13 and this chapter is just as sad in different ways. So it's the morning after. Pretty big chapter or at least I think so. **

**Ashley this is what I did today instead of going to see 17 Again. I hope you like it. Love you. XOXO**

**Into. scrapes, drkvctry, Tuesday Jane, Claire Bloom, TRDancer(got it right this time;)), ARenee363 and Lottie2303 I love you ladies. Here is the shout out I give you guys almost every time cause I love you. XOXO**

**Charley Cullen cause I know you'll go nuts. Please re-read your review before you post please. XO.**

**Saranic love you, cause your awesome. XOXO**

**Okay so here it is.**

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**BPOV**

It was the sound of the door opening and closing that woke me up. I heard Edward take in a quick breath of air and bounce around on the bed. I heard Jacob tip toe across the room and sit on the bed. "What the fuck happened dude? Why is she here?" They thought I was still asleep. I kind of was, I was in this half awake, half asleep limbo.

"You don't have your phone with you do you?" I heard Edward say.

"No." I heard Jacob stand and walk a couple of steps over to what I assumed was a table and heard the flip of a cell phone.

And then I remembered. For those blissful fifteen seconds I forgot what had happened; but now I remembered and my whole body tensed with grief. I pulled the comforter around me, trying to make it live up to its name. It smelled like Edward, and I relaxed just a little before my body hardened again.

"I have like seventeen missed calls from my dad. What the fuck happened?" I heard him sit on the bed again.

"Charlie died." His voice was emotionless when he said it. I forced my rigid body to curl into a ball and I squeezed my eyes shut as much as possible. I was preparing myself for all of the things that a sleep limbo didn't allow. I was becoming more and more alert and I could feel my king size hangover starting to take over. The sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and the full weight of my grief that was pinning me to the bed. I wanted to move or stretch out, but my body wouldn't allow it. I was tensing then releasing and it felt like my body was involuntarily dry heaving.

"Charlie, like Charlie Swan?" He sounded out of breath. I assumed Edward nodded because I didn't hear him say anything but Jake responded. "Oh my God." I heard his phone flip open again and he stood and walked to the door; he opened it. "Hey dad." He closed the door behind him.

I had to move. I had to spin around and let him know I was awake. I did, slowly pushing my stiff legs out and then turning over onto my back letting out a moan. "Bella?" I heard his weight leave Jake's bed and transfer to his.

I took a large breath in and my lungs ached. I said the first thing that came into my mind. "It smells like feet in here." And then the hangover hit me full force and it gripped its nasty, painful hands around my tiny little brain.

I heard him laugh, sort of. "Yeah it does."

I brought my hand to my head and let my eyes stay closed because I knew the light would side with the hangover. "Holy sweet mother of all hangovers." My voice was all crackly and grainy, and I moaned again and turned my head to where I thought Edward was.

"Are you alright? Are you gonna be sick?" He sounded really concerned and I would have smiled if I wasn't in so much pain.

Yes, I was going to be sick. My throat burned with the vomit that was rising and my mouth watered with that disgusting salty taste that everyone always got before they were sick. I nodded.

"Okay." He sighed and pulled the blankets off of me and grabbed me under my armpits and sat me up on the bed. "Can you stand up?"

Could I stand up? I couldn't even open my fucking eyes. I shook my head.

He took my arm and slinked it around his shoulders and wrapped one of his arms around my waist and the other under the back of my knees and picked me up. He kicked something open and I was bombarded with cold air. It was fantastic. He placed me down and turned my body and pushed me forward bending me over a cold metal railing. "Now throw up."

"I'm not getting sick in front of you." I was probably going to be sick in front of him, even though I absolutely didn't want him to see me vomit. I was fighting the sickness because I wanted it to stay. It was a physical pain and it was the only thing I could really feel right now. I didn't want to throw up because I knew that once I emptied the contents of my stomach and treated my headache with aspirin, I would be left a much worse kind of pain. The kind that couldn't be cured by my gag reflex or treated with over the counter medication, just illegal narcotics and I wasn't doing that, not after Jasper.

"For Christ sakes Bella just throw up." He yelled at me and my head rang. My eyes flew open and the light burned my retinas; I knew it would side with my hangover. My body heaved and the first wave of sickness flowed out of my mouth. Edward had quickly brought his hands around either side of my face and in a quick, gentle motion held back my hair. My vomit landed in a busted TV sitting abandoned below. It smelt like bourbon and acid and forced me to vomit more.

I dry heaved long after the my stomach was empty and just waited for the contracting to stop; welcoming it and wishing it would go away all at the same time. After I was sure I was done, I stood and pushed Edward away to show him I could stand on my own now. I looked at him. Jasper fucking beat the shit out of him. His face was still beautiful even with all the swelling, but it still wasn't pleasant to look at and his body was covered in bruises. I wanted to step forward and touch them, but I was in no mood to comfort. He tilted his head and looked at me. "You all done?"

I nodded. He took one of my hands and placed his other on my back and led me back into their dorm. Jake was standing there with red puffy eyes and he was holding a bottle of water and some aspirin. He extended his hands. "I think you might need these." His voice hitched when he said this because he wasn't fully over the tears he had just shed; he sniffed. I took the aspirin and the water and carefully took them. I lowered myself onto the bed and he sat beside me. "Bella, I'm so sorry." He grabbed me and put me in a bear hug and started silently crying again.

I started slapping him in the arm. "Jake, you have to let me go." I wasn't looking forward to this, all these people that were going to tell me that they were sorry. Sorry for what? They didn't do anything; it was an expression I never really understood.

He let go of me immediately and looked down at his hands embarrassed, a single tear fell off his face. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, I've just got a high school marching band playing in my head and when my brain is shaken around it doesn't help." Fuck, I was a bitch. The bitchy part of my hangover was coming out.

Edward bent over slowly and picked a shirt up of the floor and smelled it and put it on. "Did you have anything to do today?"

I looked at him and shook my head. "No. I was supposed to go home today." I tried to stretch a little. "My dad was supposed to come get me." I realized what I had said after I had said it and my chest tightened. I was forcing myself to breathe in these tiny light forced breaths, like I was hyperventilating.

Edward looked away from me. "Do you need a ride to Forks?" He looked back at me and ran his fingers along his lips, wincing slightly when he touched his cut.

I thought about it. "Maybe. I think I need to go home and talk to Rosalie and find out where the fuck Jasper is." Edward's whole body tightened when I said Jasper's name. "Sorry." He waved his hand implying that I shouldn't worry about it. "Can you give me a ride home?"

He looked at me like I was fucking crazy for even asking. "Yeah."

I looked around for my coat; my favorite jean jacket that Rosalie fucking bejeweled on a pain killer bender. I picked it up and Edward grabbed it from me and held it open so all I had to do was put my arms in and he wrapped it around me.

Jacob stood, still playing with his hands and he was still crying. I think he wanted to say something to me, but he couldn't; he just cried. I watch the tears fall off his face and my heart swelled and envied him. I could feel the tears right at the bottom of my eyes, but they refused to come. I could feel the sobs sitting at the bottom of my lungs, but they could barely breathe for me right now, let alone cry. I wanted them, I wanted his tears and Edward's tears that I'm sure he cried and everyone else's. I wanted every tear that someone shed for my father because I couldn't shed my own.

I must have been in shock. Edward must have been right because I cried over everything. I cried watching the fucking Powerpuff Girls, but I couldn't cry when my father dies? What was wrong with me? I had to sit down.

I walked past Jacob and sat back down on Edward's bed and put my head between my knees. My head was fucking throbbing and I felt like I was going to be sick again. "Bella." Edward knelt down beside me. "Are you okay?"

"I need to go home. I need to leave now." I shook my head between my legs and wondered where I got these ugly pants. They had to be Rosalie's.

Edward helped me stand and walk out of his dorm. "Bye Bella." Jacob shouted just before Edward closed the door. He led me down the hall and down a flight of stairs supporting almost all my weight. He sat me down on a bench and went to get the Volvo.

I sat and tried to inhale some of the cold, crisp air. I managed to get a few breathes in and I could literally feel it sitting in my lungs.

I found myself sitting in the Volvo moments later not too sure of how I got there. My brow furrowed in confusion. "What happened?"

"You passed out. Do you need to go to the hospital?" His brows were knitted together and he looked like he was seconds away from biting his nails.

I shook my head. "No, I'm just tired and hung over and upset." I rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands and slumped into the seat.

He drove fast and I loved him for it. I wanted to be in my apartment, in my bed. He pulled up to the front of the building and walked me to the front door. The sun came out; of all fucking days, this was the day Seattle decided to be sunny. "Are you going to be okay?" He pulled a pair of aviators out of his pocket and put them on me.

I shook my head. "No."

"I'm mean to get up to your apartment." He ran his hand through his hair.

I stared at him, tinted green from his sunglasses that I probably would never give back to him, and leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm sorry I was so rude to you last night and thank you for taking care of me."

He took a step up and hugged me, lightly pressing his lips on my hairline. "Don't say you're sorry Bella. This-" He paused and sighed. "If you need anything, all you have to do is call." He parted and took the step back down. "If you need a ride later-"

I cut him off. "I'll call you later, okay Edward."

He nodded and walked towards his car.

I got into my building and waited forever for the fucking elevator. Once it finally arrived I pushed number 5 and leaned up against the mirrored interior closing my eyes so I didn't have to look at myself. I slowly walked down the hallway and stopped in front of my apartment. I could hear Rosalie yelling. Fuck this is going to hurt my head.

I put my key in the lock and turned to find that the door was already open. I pushed open the door and the yelling stopped. Standing in the kitchen was Rosalie with her hand on her hip looking like she was about to kill me and Jasper standing about a foot away from the couch. I gasped a little when I saw him, one because I couldn't believe he was there, and two he didn't look bad, just like someone who hadn't been home in a couple of days. His hair was starting to get longer and I wanted to run my hand through it like I used to.

"Where the fuck where you?" I closed my eyes as Rosalie angered my hangover, but I didn't answer her. I opened my eyes and looked at Jasper and she continued. "Was your phone turned off? Did you get any of my messages?" She was fucking pissed. I didn't call, I always called and Rosalie hated not knowing where I was, she was a worrier.

"Where were you?" I sputtered out, Jasper looked up at me. It was the first time he looked at me. His eyes moved over me slowly before he answered.

"I was at a friend's house." He ran his hand through his hair.

Rosalie's mouth was open as she looked from me to Jasper. "Who gives a fuck where he was? Where were you? Why are you dressed like you came from a trailer park?"

I ignored her. "What friend?" My brain was going to leak out my ears.

He looked away from me and didn't answer me. "Isabella Marie Swan tell me where you were before I smack a bitch!"

I looked over at her. "I was at Edward's."

"You were at Edward's?" Jasper voice was quiet and almost calming, I was breathing easier.

"Yeah." I looked at him, wanting to know who his friend was.

"Why?" Rosalie was not pleased with this answer.

"Because I got really drunk and passed out at Eclipse and he didn't want to take me here cause you'd kill him, so he took me to his dorm." I was really beating around the bush because I didn't want to answer the next question. I wanted this hostile environment; not the sad, pitied mood I was about to turn this into.

"Why were you drinking?" Jasper took one step closer to me.

I paused. I figured this would be the last time I would have to say these words because I'd have enough people to say it for me. The tightened feeling in my chest returned quickly. Jasper was a fantastic distraction, but everything had come full circle and we were back to where I didn't want to be. "My dad died."

I heard Rosalie gasp and Jasper stepped backwards hitting the back of the sofa. The mood had changed and I was surrounded by my grief again. I looked up at Rosalie who had brought her hands up to her face and already had tears streaming down her cheeks. "Bella." She sounded so sympathetic.

I pulled out a chair and sat down and focused on my headache, my exquisitely painful hangover. I heard someone move, it was Rosalie. She knelt down in front of me and grabbed my face and just stared at me. "I'm gonna call Emmett and get him to pack up some of Jasper's things and come over here and then we're going to Forks."

"Rosalie it's Christmas time, go home to see your family and-"

She cut me off. "Bella, you are my family." She knelt there and looked at me, her eyes rushing over my face as tears ran down her cheeks, past her bruised, broken nose. I knew that Rosalie would be the most beautiful person I would ever meet regardless of what she looked like. She brushed my hair from my face and kissed my forehead. "Plus my parents are in Europe, Christmas shopping." She moved towards the phone and went into her room.

I looked over at Jasper. He was brushing his fingers under his eyes. The way the sun was hitting his face I could see the wet smudge his finger left as he wiped his tear away. He pushed himself away from the couch and crouched down so he was looking up at me. "I made friends with a guy in AA and I went to his house. His name is Marcus and he went through something similar to me and we got along really well. And after I got dropped off on Monday morning, I found a bar and I sat down and I ordered a drink and I stared at it for hours." He rubbed his hand over his eyes and then grabbed one of my hands sitting limply in my lap. "And I knew I didn't want to drink it, I knew it. I didn't want to be that guy again so I took out my phone and called someone that was completely separate from this life. And I cut everyone off so I had a few days to think and collect myself with the exception of our phone call."

It made sense what he was saying, to completely get away from everything that reminded him of the hurt I had caused him and I looked up at him. "Who bailed you out?"

He looked away from me and rubbed the back of his neck with his hand that wasn't holding onto mine. He was hesitating. Why would he hesitate? Was it Alice? He looked back up at me and sighed. "Edward called your dad and he bailed us out." He looked down at the floor and grabbed my other hand. "I don't think he wanted you to know."

I stopped breathing. The stranger, the kind Samaritan that bailed out my boys, was my father and no one bothered to tell me. I just stared at his hands, hoping this would be it, that this would be the event that would allow me to cry, but I was wrong. I had involuntarily built up a fortress around my father and his death and even though it was huge and was taking up almost all the space I had in my life, I couldn't get inside. I could only walk around the outsides hopelessly waiting for it to crack.

"I'm sorry Bella. About everything, about your dad and the way I spoke to you on the phone, all of it. I was just so, so…" He trailed off and sighed.

Rosalie came out of her room dressed with a packed bag, she looked over at me and Jasper, still crying and pointed at me. "You need to change and pack."

I nodded and stood and walked over to my room with Jasper and Rosalie right behind me. I sat on the bed and Rosalie started going through my drawers throwing things into a large cloth bag. She took out a pair of sweat pants, my _Fight Club_ t-shirt and some new underwear and tossed it my way. I changed and Jasper caught me when I wobbled and almost fell over, and when I was done I sat down again. She tossed the bag outside the room just by the door and quickly put my hair up in a ponytail. She grabbed the sunglasses I had taken off and left on the bed and put them back on my face. She was still crying and she barely knew my father. Maybe she was crying for me or maybe my dad just had that kind of impact on people.

I stood and collected my purse and leaned against a wall waiting for Rosalie to check everything before we left. Emmett came in carrying two large army style bags and dropped them by the door and looked at me and grabbed my wrist and pulled me in for a hug. "I'm so sorry Bella." I just stood there limply letting him hug me because I couldn't force myself to do anything else. I just wanted to get into the car and press my ear up against Jasper chest so I could count his heartbeats or his breaths, maybe both, and fall asleep.

I got into the Firebird while Rosalie made phone calls and Jasper and Emmett put all of our things in the trunk. Jasper got in beside me and pulled me close. I lowered my head onto his chest feeling exhausted again and he wrapped his seatbelt around the both of us. I started counting his breaths because they were the easiest to follow and Rose plugged in her iPod and turned on some soft rock that I think may have been _Air Supply_, while Emmett drove.

I was asleep in seconds, and when I opened my eyes I was looking at my father's house.

It looked exactly the same as it did the last time I saw it just before the school year started when my dad drove us back to Seattle after the accident. I promised I would come and visit him, and I never did. It still had the rickety, rusting railings on either sides of the concrete stairs leading up to an old oak screen door and a peeling white door. The white side paneling was still dirty and the shutters desperately needed to be painted. The garden was overrun by weeds and the grass was dying in the winter cold, but it still looked strangely inviting.

I reached inside my purse and pulled out the key my dad had given me just in case I ever needed to get into the house when he wasn't around and undid my seatbelt. Jasper carefully got out of the car and held his hand out for me as I stepped out and stared at the house.

Rosalie went around the back end of the car with Emmett and helped him with the bags while Jasper and I made our way to the front door. Jasper held the screen door open for me while I slid the key into the lock and turned it. The door made the same creaking noise it always made when it was opened or closed and I stepped inside my home.

Lights were still on from when he left, so I turned them off. Everything in the house was set in a way that they were expecting the owner to return. The meat that was left on a plate to defrost, dishes left unwashed, sections of the morning paper left in disarray on the kitchen table. There was an ashtray on the kitchen table that I walked up to and looked at it; my dad had started smoking again. I wondered how long that had been going on for and noticed that one of the butts had lipstick on it. Did my dad have a girlfriend? If he did, he certainly didn't tell me about it.

I heard Rosalie and Emmett come in with the bags and place them by the front door. I walked towards the fridge and looked at the one picture he had placed of us on there. It was probably the most ridiculous picture that had ever been taken. It was from the summer that had just past when we went up to LaPush for a backyard barbeque at Harry Clearwater's house. My dad and I were sitting on the back deck drinking beer, because my dad was cool like that, and we were given these trucker hats by Harry's daughter Leah because she worked for the company that made them. So we had these stupid hats on and Sue, Harry's wife, came up to us and told us to get together for a picture. My dad put his arm around me and made the most gangster face I had ever seen and made a gangster 'westside' symbol with his hand. I immediately started laughing because I couldn't believe that Charlie knew gangster hand symbols. I did the same thing with my hand but couldn't stop laughing and Sue took the picture. It was probably my favourite picture of us.

I smiled and left it in my hand as I looked around the house that I think now belonged to me. I walked into the living room and saw the few empty beer cans that sat on the coffee table without coasters and the flat screen television mounted up on the wall that my dad loved like a second child.

I walked back into the foyer and looked at Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett who hadn't moved since they came in. I was still tired, but my headache and stomach sickness had died down and I could only feel the void that grief leaves. It was being amplified now that I was standing in his house.

I walked up the stairs and walked into his bedroom and got under his covers and closed my eyes. It smelled like him, musk, the leather from his jackets, and cheap drug store cologne, and I told myself never to forget this smell, this was his smell, this smell belonged to him. I got under the covers and prayed for sleep knowing that it would be more difficult this time seeing as how I slept the whole car ride down. I knew that I had things to do, people to phone and a funeral to plan, but it would have to wait. I was taking a mental health day. I was taking a 'me' day. To sleep and recover from my bourbon fuelled bender the night before.

As I lied there clutching the ridiculous picture of my father and I, I hoped that mass amounts of sleep and a clear head would allow me to have the emotion I desired in the morning. I want to lift this weight and I knew tears would do that.

I heard someone draw the blinds making the room feel almost pitch black and then a weight on the bed. I knew it was Jasper because I could smell him. He placed his head on the crook of my neck. "Do you want to be alone?"

"No. You can stay." I said taking his nearest hand and wrapping it around me. He got under the covers and spooned me bringing me in close, wrapping his feet around mine, which were freezing, and nestled into the bed with me. "I just need this day." I said feeling like I needed to explain my behaviour.

"You can have this day Bella." He said quietly, breathing deeply. I counted his breaths again because it helped me sleep and it did. I feel asleep taking this one day before the facing all the other ones that lay before me.

**EPOV**

After I dropped Jake off I drove towards Forks wanting to be in my town. I stopped at a street that would lead me to my house if I went left and to Bella's house if I went right. I went right. She hadn't phoned me, and I was worried that she was stuck in Seattle. When I pulled up to the house Rosalie's Firebird was in the driveway. I thought about turning around because I knew I was going to face not only her wrath but probably Emmett's and Jasper's as well.

I turned off the car and walked towards the house that I had been in only once and knocked on the rickety screen door. Rosalie answered and stared me down through the mesh. I could see what I had done to her face and for the first time felt guilty about it. She still looked good though and I realized that was the only thing me and Rosalie had in common. "What do you want?" she hissed at me.

"Is Bella around?" I had my hands in my pockets and I was rocking back and forth on my heels.

Rosalie stared me down and said nothing, she just looked at me and then she looked behind her quickly. She stepped outside closing both doors behind her. We stood on the small concrete porch while she did nothing but stare at me, and then she took a step forward and threw her arms around my neck. I could hear her start to cry. "Thank you for taking care of her." She said in a whisper; a level that I didn't know Rosalie's voice could hit and then she parted wiping under her eyes. "Now leave before I kill you."

I furrowed my brow. "What was that?"

She completely ignored my question, and for the first time in the four months I had known her the tiniest shade of pink crept into Rosalie's cheeks. "Bella is asleep and probably will be for the rest of the day, so there is no point of you coming around today. She'll call you tomorrow, she will, now leave."

I shook my head. "You're a strange breed Hale."

She nodded. "Yes I am."

I walked down the steps knowing that I wasn't seeing Bella today and feeling like this trip was a complete waste of my time. "Hey." I turned and saw Rosalie resting against the railing. "She's gonna pick you, you know."

I stopped completely in shock, not knowing why she chose to share this with me. "Did she say something?" I was trying to sound nonchalant.

Rosalie shook her head. "No. I can just tell. She doesn't look at Jasper the way she looks at you and she came to you last night. She'll give me, Jasper and you excuses probably having to do with geography of why she did it, but she came to you because she wanted to be with you and it's only a matter of time before she is ready to admit it to herself." She shrugged and then and made a gesture with hand that told me to leave again. "Now vanish." She turned and walked into the house.

I walked back towards the car feeling happy when I know I shouldn't. I was also completely puzzled by Rosalie and wondered how Emmett handled her. I guess Emmett never punched her in the face and fell in love with her best friend.

I got in the car and sped towards my house. I pulled into my driveway that was well hidden; you'd miss it if you didn't know it was there and pulled up beside my mother's modest Mercedes. I got out of the car and looked at our well manicured lawn, even in the winter, and the trees wrapped in burlap and twine. I got my stuff out of the back seat and walked around the side of the house to come in through our kitchen. I saw my dad's Cadillac parked along the side and I sighed; I hoping that he wouldn't have been home yet. I walked in quietly hoping to get to my bedroom undetected.

I would have no such luck. The door of our overpriced refrigerator was open and I prayed that it was my mother, it wasn't. The door shut and behind it stood my 4'11 twin trying to pull off her best Audrey Hepburn _Funny Face_ impression. Alice's jet black hair had gotten longer since I saw her last and it now rested on her shoulders flipping out perfectly at the ends. She had black skinny jeans on and a black cotton top that almost fell off both of her shoulders. She stood there staring at me, tears welling in her eyes holding everything needed to make a sandwich. She looked just like my mother; same nose, mouth, bone structure everything except her eyes, her eyes were my father's.

I stared at her trying to remember my excuse for hating her. I knew what it was, but it just didn't hold up anymore in light of everything that had happened. I needed and wanted most of my family with me. We used to fight like cats and dogs, but she was one of my best friends, I used to tell her almost everything and I trusted her with my life. I crouched down and opened my arms like I always used to and she threw everything on our island and ran towards me wrapping her arms around my neck. I lifted her up so she hovered a good foot and a half above the ground and tightened my arms around her knowing in this hug that everything was forgiven. "Hello baby brother." She said quietly.

I laughed. "Hello big sister." I laughed again. Alice was exactly five minutes and thirty seven seconds older than me and would never let anyone forget it.

I put her down and walked into the kitchen sitting on a stool around the island as she went back around and started making a sandwich, she looked up at me. "Do you want a sandwich?"

I was hungry so I nodded. "How's New York?" I asked genuinely interested. I knew nothing about her life there because I was never really all that interested before. "You look like you got the Soho Bohemian chic thing down." I said motioning towards her.

She smiled like a bitch and then gave me the finger. God its funny how some things never change.

I shrugged. "What? I mean it, you look good Alice." She laughed and looked slightly embarrassed as she put mustard on some bread.

"Yeah, well I love school and I'm learning a lot and my form has gotten so much better. And I've made tons of friends and met so many people, and I've got a job at this little coffee shop and I'm about to move into this apartment with a girl I dance with and I'm great." She broke into her large Cheshire cat like smile with her apple cheeks and shrugged her shoulders.

She slid the first sandwich towards me and I picked it up. "So you're Rachel Greene except you dance instead of design clothes." I said biting into the sandwich laughing slightly.

She mock laughed back at me. "Uh, fuck you." She put everything back in the fridge and sat on the stool.

"No, Alice that's really great." I said actually meaning it.

She smiled again. "I know right." She started eating her sandwich and after a few bites she looked up at me. "What about you?"

"School sucks, I have no friends, I punched a girl, got in fight, made a fool out of myself multiple times, and I'm in love with a girl that may or may not want me. So I'm awesome."

"So that's why your face is all messed up." She motioned to my face.

I nodded.

"That sucks." She took another bite of her sandwich. "That sucks about Charlie, huh?"

I nodded. "Yeah it sucks a lot." I shook my head and we ate the rest of our sandwiches in silence. I could feel the question she wanted to ask me, but I knew she wouldn't because she wanted to pretend like she didn't care.

"Don't eat too much we are going into Port Angeles tonight and I'm not paying for you two to waste food." Carlisle came into the kitchen and took a beer out of the fridge, opened it and took a sip. He walked up to Alice and kissed her head. "Hello honey."

"Hello Daddy." She said looking up at me knowing my exchange with my father was going to be unpleasant.

He put his beer on the island and looked at me. "What happened to your face Edward? Did you slip?" He said looking annoyed, but still smiling smugly. He was being an asshole, but he said this because every time I was physically hurt in high school after a fight or doing something stupid when my parents would ask me what happened, I would tell them that I slipped. I was being immature, but he was an ass.

"No, I got in a fight." I said looking at him in the eye. Looking at his face that looked exactly like mine, except older. He had perfect bone structure, a narrow nose and lips that were the exactly same shape as mine, only thinner. He had a full head of unnaturally blonde hair and his eyes where the color of the sea; grey with specks of green and blue just like Alice's. But unlike Alice's that moved like the sea Carlisle's eyes were dead, they hadn't moved in all the years I could remember.

"Really? A fight? What could you possibly be fighting about?" He leaned forward placing his elbows on the counter taking another swig of his beer.

"Come on Daddy, just leave him alone." Alice looked at him and placed her hand on his arm.

I looked away from Carlisle for only a second to look at Alice. "No Alice its okay-" I looked back at him. "I was fighting over a girl."

"Hmmm." He said looking rather impressed. "Are we going to have the pleasure of meeting this young lady?" He raised his eyebrows.

Why was he such an asshole? Why did he hate me so much? I nodded. "Yeah, you will actually. It's Isabella Swan."

He stood up straight. "Charlie's kid?" He said sounding almost disgusted.

Alice had also sat up. "Isn't she dating Jasper?" She looked insanely concerned and appalled, and she was looking at me like I had just taking taken food from a homeless orphan.

"Yeah she is." I said looking at her.

Her brow furrowed. "What are you thinking?"

"Alice, I really think you are in no position to talk to me about how I treat Jasper." I was being an asshole now. I didn't want to be an asshole, that was what I promised myself when I started heading down here, but it was impossible when I had to spend time with my father and talk about the clusterfuck that was the 'Bella situation.'

She shook her head and got off the stool and huffed off upstairs.

"So you're trying to steal your best friend's girl." He started nodding. "And isn't he all-" He motioned towards his head. "All messed up in the head. Isn't he like an addict or something?"

I just started at him. "I thought you liked Jasper."

"I did when he was with Alice. I liked him because Alice liked him but he was friends with you, so how great of a guy could he be?" This was a rhetorical question. He shrugged and left the room.

I shook my head and drank the rest of Carlisle's beer. I got up and went outside so I wouldn't break anything inside the house. This was going to be a fucking long Christmas break.

I was such a fuck up in his eyes and everyone that associated themselves with me was a fuck up too. He was my father, he sort of raised me, so if I was such a fuck up wasn't it his fault? Was that why he hated me so much? Was it because he failed at something? Fuck it, I had to stop caring.

I walked around the back of the house and found my mother sitting in a gazebo that wasn't in the backyard when I went off to school. It looked like she was smoking. I walked up to her, but she didn't seem to hear me and was startled when I spoke to her. "Are you smoking?"

She jumped a little and tried to hide the cigarette but realized that it was pointless considering I had already called her out on it. She tilted her head from side to side and she nodded. She had been crying and she looked up at me patted the seat beside her. I sat down and looked at her. "When did you start smoking?"

She sniffed. "A couple weeks ago." She took a long inhale and looked out at our backyard. "I used smoke all the time in high school." She looked over at me as she finished exhaling. "Do you want one?"

I was slightly taken aback and almost didn't except, but I knew she was upset and if my mom wanted to have a cigarette with me, then I would have a cigarette with her. I nodded and she reached into her sweater pocket and passed me the pack and I took one out and lit it. This was exactly what I needed.

We sat there in silence for a long time. "Why is dad such an asshole?" I figured why not. I was smoking with my mother I might as well swear in front of her.

She took the last drag of her cigarette and lifted the head of a gnome and placed inside. It was filled with water because I heard the sound of it going out. She chuckled just a little bit. "Your father and I have not had sex in a long time-" she looked over at me. "And he's too afraid to cheat. So he's a little frustrated." She shrugged.

I just stared at her with my mouth slightly open and then started laughing. "That is a good, slightly disturbing reason." I said taking a drag. "He just hates me so much."

She started nodding. "Yeah, he does." Something was really bothering her, she was smoking and talking to her son about her and her husband's sex life and now she was telling me that my father did hate me. "Mom are you okay?"

She shook her head and started sobbing and she grabbed my hand. I didn't know where to put my cigarette, so I flicked it out into the yard. I knew why she was crying. She was crying over Charlie, and I didn't know what to say because I didn't know anything about their relationship. So I looked over at her and decided to ask because we seemed to be having a moment of truth with each other. "Mom, were you and Charlie having an affair?"

She looked at me and shook her head. "No." She paused. "But we were going to." She started sobbing again.

I didn't say anything. What could I say? What do you say to your mother when she tells you that she was going to cheat on your father with the father of the girl you're in love with that died the day before?

She composed herself slightly and looked up at me. "I never told you about Charlie did I?" I shook my head. She took a tissue out of her pocket and wiped underneath her nose. "Charlie and I started dating each other when we were in the seventh grade and we dated until the first week of senior year; that was when Renee's family moved to Forks." She sighed. "Everyone was blinded by her and she set her sights on Charlie, and that was it. And by the time everything fell apart between the two of them I had already started dating your father, we were engaged and you and Alice were just a little over one and I moved on." She took another cigarette and I lit it for her after her trembling hands wouldn't allow it. "And through the years we had a weird secret kind of friendship because your father hated Charlie, but the past couple of months your father was rarely at home and Charlie would come over just for coffee and we talk for hours or I would go over to his house if I had to. But it was just so nice to have someone to talk to again, someone I had history with, someone that actually wanted to hear what I had to say."

I lit a cigarette and took a ridiculously long drag; this was a lot of information.

"And for the past couple of weeks we have been talking about starting some sort of physical relationship and he was here yesterday and we were, we-" She started crying again my continued to speak through her sobs. "We were going to do, we were doing to take that step, but I couldn't do it because I'm a coward and I made him leave." She looked at me. "That's why he was so close to Archie's. If I was strong enough to do it he would have stayed with me and he would still be alive." She leaned over and placed her hand on her forehead.

I had never been at such a loss for words before and I couldn't say anything. I just sat there watching her back fall up and down erratically. I placed my hand on her back. "Mom this isn't your fault." My voice was shaking and I didn't even realize I was crying until that very moment.

She looked up at me. "How is this not my fault?"

"You had no idea what was going to happen when he left yesterday, you can't blame yourself for this because there will be no closure and you'll go on hating yourself forever."

She sat up and looked at me. She took her index finger and wiped the tears from under my eyes, gently. "You got into a fight with Jasper over Bella right?"

I nodded.

"Well." She wiped under her eyes and smoothed out her hair. My mother was a beautiful woman, inside and out and she deserved better than the life she had. "Don't make the mistake I made Edward. If you think she's worth it, you fight for her to your last breath." She brushed some of my hair out of my face and stood and kissed my head. "I'm glad you're home." She turned and walked towards our house and disappeared inside.

I smoked the rest of the cigarette and looked at our yard mulling over my mother's words. I didn't really know what to do with what she told me. My life felt like a teen drama on the _WB_ or some shit except I didn't get a script and I didn't know my next line.

"Edward!" I turned and saw Carlisle waiting on the porch by the kitchen. "Come inside and get ready to leave. Now." He turned and walked inside letting the door slam behind him.

I sighed and put my cigarette in the head of the gnome and walked towards my house getting ready for a dinner that would probably resemble my idea of hell.

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**So there it was we are back in Forks. Finally some Alice and some Carlisle. **

**I would like to ask you all something. My beta saranic started a thread for me on Twilighted and I noticed these cool little icon things that you can click on and they bring you to the story. Well I want one but I have no idea how to do it. Does anyone know how to do it? Does anyone want to make one for me? Cause I think they are cool and if any of you are on Twilighted you can help me out by placing it at the end of your posts and pimp my story out. I have no idea why I am talking like this; I've been watching teen dramas all day. **

**Thanks again to everyone. XOXO**

**I am a review junkie. Review please!!**

**Have a nice weekend. **


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hey everyone how are you all? **

**Ashley I hope your stressful week has started to wind down and you are relaxing. I hope you like the chapter darling. Love you. XOXO**

**Saranic my wonderful, lovely beta. She really does make this story so much better. I love you babe. XOXO**

**My girls. I think I should make a name for you. Into. scrapes, drkvctry, Tuesday Jane, Claire Bloom, TRDancer, ARenee363 and Lottie2303 major loves for all of you. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

**For all of you on Twilighted. My beta saranic started a thread on there if you want to check it out. It won't let me post the link so you just go onto the boards and type in Star Mile into the search thing and it should come up.  
**

**Into. scrapes also created one of those awesome little icons that you can put as signature that you can find on the thread. She posted them on there. I think they look awesome and she did an awesome job and we should all give her some *claps* and *snaps*. If you love my story I would appreciate you guys adding it to your signature. **

**Okay chapter 15. **

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**EPOV**

Dinner with my family was exactly what I thought it would be. Alice talked and then my father asked me why I wasn't as good as her. I half assed my way through this term but I still had a 4.0. Of course that didn't matter because Alice was moving into her very own apartment. When I tried to explain that I was living first year on residence and that me and Jake were going to move in together next year he criticized my inability to make new friends. If I said that I had made friends and got a job and was flourishing in my new surroundings it wouldn't matter because I was in Seattle and anyone could make it in Seattle; it wasn't like New York and Alice was apple of his eye.

My mother polished off two bottles of wine and I had to practically carry her to the car as Alice, who was still pissed at me, strolled ahead with my loving father. "Mom are you okay?"

"I'm just a little drunk dear, its fine." She said grabbing my hand squeezing it a little.

I suppressed a laugh. It wasn't funny, but I liked my grief stricken drunken mother, she was kind of funny. I just really hoped that it didn't become a common thing though because I was sure no one could handle her like this all the time. "Do you want to sit down?"

She nodded. We sat there in silence that was quickly filled by mother's dainty hiccups. I let out a laugh; I couldn't help it, it was funny in a weird unfunny way.

The Cadillac pulled up and stopped abruptly. "What are you two doing?" Should he be driving? I wasn't paying attention to how much he had been drinking.

"Mom's not feeling that well." I said answering bluntly but politely so he wouldn't rip into me again.

"Well put her in the car." He said like we were inconveniencing him by just being alive.

"We'll take a cab." My mother said, looking at my father with a new look I had never seen before. It was pity.

"Okay." His eyes widened and his tone suggested that we were idiots for not just getting in the car. "Do you have money?"

I opened my mouth to answer but my mom spoke up. "No."

Carlisle sighed and reached into his wallet and gave me a hundred dollars. "That should be enough." He looked at my mother. "See you at home." The Caddy sped off with Alice and Carlisle inside telling each other tales of how awesome they were.

I walked back to the bench and sat back down with my mother; she was laughing. "What's so funny?"

"I have money." She howled with laughter, and the more she laughed the harder I found it not to. So I joined her laughing at the thing that wasn't really that funny. She stopped laughing and sat up straight with wide eyes and looked at me. "We should go by something ridiculous with it."

I looked at her, never seeing this side of my mother before and smiled. "Uh, hells yeah we should."

We went to Wal Mart and bought one of those ridiculous inflatable Christmas displays that people put on their lawns. We stood in front of the Wal Mart looking at the box that was rather large and waited for the cab. "This thing is ugly."

"Yeah. Your father is going to hate it." She was sobering up.

"Good." It was quiet and we both scanned the parking lot. I asked her a question that I meant to ask her earlier, but I got side tracked with her confession. "Why does he hate me so much?"

She sat down on the box that didn't even crumple under her tiny weight and looked up at me. "By now Edward you must know that you have a certain… Je ne sais pas; a magnetism that draws people to you whether you like it or not. You have a way with people and with words, you're intelligent and full of life and everyone loves you."

I scoffed. She looked up at me like I was an ass for interrupting her. "Sorry."

"This is something your father always wished that he had. He was this ugly little wall flower in high school and he was tortured all the way through until senior year when he grew and lost the baby fat." I tried to imagine Carlisle this way and I couldn't. "He always wanted to be the way you are; artistic and free and a person able to do whatever they want regardless of the scrutiny that they might face. But the years of constant ego battering made him hard and mean and introverted." She brushed her fingers along her lips. "He looks at you, the boy that looks just like him and sees everything he's not and wants to be. So he knocks you down because he hates that you have it; that you are like me. That you were like all the boys at school that tortured him." She shook her head. "He's jealous of you."

I stood there with my brow furrowed. He hated me because I was better than him. I almost wanted to laugh. For years I thought it was because I wasn't good enough, but it was because I was too good. What was he six? "What a douche bag."

"Yeah well, I'm the idiot that married him."

"Why don't you just divorce him?"

"I'm going to." She looked up at me. "I had the papers drawn up last week." She shook her head. "I'm sorry for being so candid with you Edward, but I have no one else now and you're different, you understand things. I can't explain it."

"It's okay. I understand." I smiled and the taxi pulled up.

It was a van so we could fit the box in it and we sat together on the ride home.

"Mom what was Charlie like in high school?" I was interested. I wanted to know things about him. He was Bella's father and I wanted to everything about her, including what her parents were like. Well maybe not Renee so much.

She smiled. "He was the head quarterback of the football team-"

I cut her off. "No way, Swan?" I couldn't believe it. I could almost see him in his uniform with this amazing head of hair that my mother probably went nuts over.

She nodded. "Yep, he was funny, smart, polite, good looking, energetic, loved life, everything that anyone could want in a boyfriend. And then the wench came through town." She rested her head on my shoulder. "She sucked the life out of him."

We silent for a long time and I heard her sniff and looked down and realized that she was crying. "Oh mom."

"I'm sorry." She lifted her head off my shoulder and wiped under her eyes. She looked at me. "I just loved him so much." He started sobbing again.

I sighed and just put my arm around her. I couldn't say anything so I didn't. The cab dropped us off and I rested the box on the lawn. "I'll get up early to help you set this up."

She shook her head, heading for the garage. "We are doing it now."

I shrugged my shoulder. Okay we were doing in now. It took about twenty minutes to set up after we spent an hour trying to figure out how it worked. We stood there looking at it. "It's hideous." She said. "I love it."

"I know what you mean." I looked down at her. "I'm gonna go to bed, okay."

She nodded. "I gonna stay out here a little while longer."

I nodded. "You're going to be okay?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine." She wandered into the backyard and I quietly tip toed into the kitchen and up the stairs and into my room. Carlisle was asleep, his snoring was proof of that and I opened the door to my room and turned on a little side light. I got undressed and decided that I could shower in the morning. It was almost midnight and it had been a long day.

But sleep was not in the cards for me. Just as I was about to drift off into a Bella filled dream I heard my name. "Edward." Fuck my life. I moaned and rolled over. "Edward are you awake?"

"Remember how I was shunning for what you did to Jasper, but now it seems that I have forgiven you." I said all muffled into my pillow.

"Yes." Alice said quietly.

"You have now been re-shunned." I put another pillow over my head. We will talk Alice, just later. Not right now. Sleep was Edward's time with Bella.

I felt her weight on the bed. "Aw, Edward I'm sorry. I overreacted. I just…" She was looking for the right word. "I have a hard time talking about Jasper." There was another silence. "How is he?"

I sat up and looked for her frame in the dark and when I found it I directed my attention that way. "You left him, he became an alcoholic, he got to Bella first and then tried to kill himself. He checked himself into rehab and now is trying to forget you by loving Bella. How do you think he is?"

It was silent for a long time again until I heard her whimper. She was fucking crying. Fuck. "Alice, what the fuck do you want me to say?"

"I'm always going to be the bad guy in mine and Jasper's relationship, aren't I?" Fuck me, I wish she'd stop crying.

"Well what did he do? Did he do something to make you leave?" I said running my hand through my hair turning on my light looking at her tiny little face all blotchy from sadness.

She looked away from me. "No."

"And you left with some shit lame ass excuse. I figured it had something to do with 'your independence' but I don't know cause you never told anyone." I paused. "Are you going to tell me?"

"No but I-"

I cut her off again. "Alice if you want to know how Jasper is, go ask Jasper. I don't know anything about Jasper. Mine and his relationship is pretty much non-existent right now. He is going to be at the funeral, he is in town and will be all through the Christmas break. And you will have plenty of opportunities to find out how he is." I laid back down and turned out the light.

I felt her weight leave my bed. "You're an asshole Edward."

"Indeed I am. A tired asshole to be exact, a tired asshole who you woke up, so good night." I punched my pillow.

She huffed and walked towards my door. I heard her stop and step back. "What the fuck is on the lawn?"

I smiled. "Mom and I went to Wal Mart."

"Dad's gonna be mad."

My smile got larger. "Yes he is."

She left and I closed my eyes. Sleep came quicker this time and before I knew it, I was with Bella.

**BPOV**

The clock said eight fifty-two when I woke up the next morning. Jasper wasn't with me, and I stretched out on the bed and ran my hand over the K-Mart sheets. I could smell bacon and eggs and coffee and my stomach growled. I hadn't eaten anything in almost three days and I felt shaky.

I sat up on the bed and got up and opened the blinds. It was dull, grey and gloomy and it made me feel a little better. I had this pain in my chest like someone had punched me. I rubbed it but it wasn't going away. This wasn't actually physical pain, it was all in my head and it was manifesting itself as physical. I knew it wasn't going to go away. I slipped my feet into my dad's slippers and headed down stairs.

Rosalie and Jasper were occupying two of the three chairs around the kitchen table. Emmett was at the stove cooking. I laughed. "Emmett, I didn't know you could cook."

He looked over his shoulder. "Neither did I." He took a plate and put some eggs, bacon, and toast on it and placed it in front of me on the table. I had taken the last and final seat.

"Thanks Em." I picked up a fork and looked at the food that looked good, but God only knew if it actually was going to taste any good. I looked up at Jasper who was eating the food and seemed to being enjoying it. He looked up at me with a little piece of egg sticking out the side of his mouth and smiled. I gave him a look that asked if the food was safe to eat. He nodded and I dug in. He was right, it was good.

I looked over at Rosalie who was wearing glasses; they were Tina Fey glasses, and she was on the phone. She had paper and pamphlets in front of her. She looked up at me and grabbed my hand and looked sympathetic and then smiled a little.

Emmett turned around and looked at me shoveling food into his mouth. "How are ya Hells Bells?"

"Hells Bells?" I said getting up and walking towards him taking my Elton John mug out of the cupboard and filled it with coffee and put some sugar in it.

"Yeah, trying out a new nickname." He paused. "I also don't know how to act around you."

"Don't act any different Emmett; I don't want anyone to feel awkward." I drank some of the coffee and thought it was good, but it wasn't like my dad's and I felt emotion grip my throat and thought that this was it, I was going to cry. The tears came up just to the brim but mellowed. I was crying, sort of, but like I was watching _Home Makeover _and I closed my eyes and shook my head.

I sat back down and looked at Jasper again. "Are you feeling better?" he said.

I nodded. "The sleep helped and the hangover's gone." I smiled and then frowned quickly.

He smiled a little. "That's good."

I looked over at Rosalie again who was still talking on the phone, wearing fucking glasses. I had never seen her wear glasses. She hung up quickly and threw the phone on the table. "Hey Bells. How did you sleep?"

"Good." My body tightened again and my chest wailed, it felt almost like I was going to be sick, but I couldn't be no matter what I did.

She leaned forward and started spreading all of the papers in front of her around. "Okay so yesterday I started planning things for you. There is only one funeral home in Forks so that's where your father is now. I told them we would pick out clothes and stuff today and bring it down. I didn't know if you wanted a wake or a funeral or both but I only planned for the funeral." She looked at me like she was waiting for me to go postal.

"That's fine." I said sipping my coffee.

She shimmied her chair over. "Okay, so it will be tomorrow at one at St Anne's Church. The funeral home will bring him there around twelve if you want to see him before hand." She looked at me for validation. I nodded. "Do you want it open or closed casket?" She picked up a pen.

"Um, open I guess." I bit off a piece of bacon. "Isn't tomorrow kind of soon?"

"Usually funerals happen just a couple of days after the death." She said very matter of factly. She looked back down at her paper and then sighed and carefully removed her glasses from her face. "I 'm sorry Bella, I just wanted to make this easier on you."

I shook my head and smiled and felt the foundation of my emotional fortress shift. A few perfectly formed tears fell from my eyes and I knew it was the emotion I was feeling from Rosalie being so helpful that was making me cry. I wasn't sobbing and it wasn't exactly what I wanted, but I'd take it. "No it's fine, it's great. Thank you." I said wiping underneath my eyes.

She put her hand over mine again. "I've also picked out two of everything so all you have to do is choose between them. Caskets, flowers, the whole shebang." She looked at me. "Okay."

I nodded finishing the rest of my food; I ate fast. She picked at some of her food and read over some pamphlets. She sat up straight really quickly. "Oh yeah, we also need to stop by your father's lawyer's office so he can read you the will, and Esme Cullen called."

I felt my brow furrow. "Like Edward's mom?"

"Yeah, and he stopped by yesterday so you should probably call him." I looked over at Jasper real quick; he was looking away from me. "Anyways she wants to host like an after…" She searched her brain for the right word.

"Party?" I said trying to think of a better word but couldn't.

"Of sorts, I wouldn't really use the word party, but yeah. She says she has a lot of space and wants to help any way she can. I told her you wouldn't have a problem with it. Do you?"

I shook my head. "I'm relieved. I knew that there was suppose to be like an after funeral get together thing, but I'm in no mood to play hostess. So no, there is no problem." My chest tightened again.

"Good." She smiled slightly. "Do you want to go and shower so we can go out and get this done?" Rosalie should really get into PR. She was being strong and blunt with me because if she got soft she wouldn't be able to do this, she'd lose herself in sadness.

I nodded and got up and made my way upstairs. I took off my clothes and untangled my hair from the elastic that held it half up. My hair was disgusting; I hadn't washed it in almost three days and there was enough grease in it to power a McDonalds. I turned the water on and made sure it was hot, maybe a little too hot and stepped inside. I let the water run over my body, relaxing my muscles and lathered my hair. I tried to think about my father, but my mind forced my attention another way. I decided at that moment that I was going to stop trying to cry and let it happen when it happened, whether it be later today or a year from now.

I thought about Edward and Jasper and our situation. I had made my choice. I knew who I was going to pick, but now that I had made my decision it didn't make anything any easier. I still didn't want to hurt either of them. I knew that this wasn't the time or the place to tell either of them what I had decided, regardless if it was good or bad news.

After I had lathered rinsed and repeated, conditioned, shaved and lathered my body I got out of the shower. I blow dried my hair and curled it a little; I put make-up on and chose my outfit very carefully. I was stalling. I didn't want to do this and I was acting like I was six, like if I avoided it, it would go away.

I walked out looking shiny and polished, wearing my favorite jeans and Charlie's Megadeth t-shirt and sat on his bed. I took out my cell phone and dialed Edward's number. It rang seven times before he answered, he sounded groggy and I felt bad for waking him up. "Hello."

"Hey, I'm sorry I woke you up." I said playing with my hair.

"No, that's okay." He sounded a lot more alert now and I heard a bang.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I fell out of bed." I smiled a little picturing him right now in his room I had never seen, probably wearing boxers, trying to make his brain work and focus.

"Oh okay. Um, Rosalie told me you stopped by yesterday."

"Yeah, I wanted to see if you got home, if you were okay but you were asleep."

"Yeah, um I'm awake now and me and Rose have to go out and organize stuff for the funeral tomorrow. But when I get back here, I would really like for you to be here. I need you here." He had to know what my choice was, how could he not. "But I won't be back till like one, so don't rush or anything."

"No, no I'll be there." I heard someone say his name. It was a girl. "Hold on." I heard him try to cover the mouth piece with his hand. "Alice fuck off." I heard her retort in an equally hostile fashion and then everything became clear. "Yeah, I'll see you in a couple of hours."

"Okay." He hung up and so did I and I walked over to my dad's closet and picked out the only suit that he had. It was grey and I think he bought it like ten years ago. I got some shoes and a tie and everything else and headed downstairs.

I walked into the kitchen and everyone's eyes widened. "Bells, you look great." Said Jasper trying to hide his shock.

I went red a little. "Thanks."

Rosalie had changed and put her hair up and looked like she was ready for business. "Are you ready to go?" She walked up to me holding her purse.

"Yeah." We headed outside and got into the Firebird and made our way to the funeral home. The funeral director met with us and told us all the services and how everything would go down. They dealt with everything once we told them what we wanted and it would be included on one large bill so that we didn't have to rush around getting things sent over for tomorrow. They would organize everything and send it over to the church. I wasn't sure if funeral homes provided this service or if Rose talked them into doing it.

"Do you want to see the body?" The funeral director had to ask me a couple of times before I realized that she was talking to me.

I jolted out of my daze and shook my head furiously. "No. No thank you." I didn't want to see him till I had to; tomorrow at one.

We left and went to see Kevin Harvey, my father's attorney. He was a fat little man with no hair and no neck, but he was nice enough. "Hello Isabella."

I smiled to be polite and took a seat in front of his desk. "Hello."

"So you're here for the reading of your father's last will and testament?" He said taking a handkerchief out of his pocket and wiping his head.

Rose and I exchanged little sideways glances and I looked at him and nodded. "Yes that is correct."

"Well it's pretty straight forward-" He looked up at me. "He's left everything to you."

I nodded. "What does that include?"

He looked at other papers in the file. "Well the house your father was living in was paid off so the ownership goes to you. Your father was also a big saver. He had multiple saving accounts, a college fund set up for you, retirement funds, he also had stocks that did very well, that mixed with his life insurance and what he gets from his job you're looking to inheriting just under half a million dollars."

I stopped breathing and sat there with my mouth wide open and I felt Rosalie grab my hand. "Um, I'm sorry. I don't know what you're saying."

He smiled just a little bit. "Ms. Swan what I'm saying is if you were take all of the accounts and put them together in one large lump sum it would equal just under half a million dollars."

"That's including the house." Said Rosalie.

"No." He smiled.

"Oh my God." That was all I could say. I never had money, ever and now I had half a million dollars.

"Bella." Rosalie let out a shocked laugh. "We shouldn't be happy because you know it's sad." I looked over at her. "But half a million dollars."

I looked over at Kevin. "Mr. Harvey how could he have this much money? And if I had a college fund how come he didn't give it to me before I went to college?"

He flipped through a few more papers. "It says that he wanted to give it to you after college so you didn't waste it on other things while you were in college, he wanted you to have a work ethic." He shrugged. "That's what it says and as for your father saving this much money, Bella, he was a simple man. He went to work and he did his job. He went home to a house that was paid for; he ate out twice a week. He bought some food every now and again and drank some beer with his friends. It doesn't cost a lot and he had been with the force a long time. He was making pretty good money."

I just sat there. I didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry." I said looking at him then to Rosalie. "I'm a little shocked."

"That's okay, it's to be expected. You can come back later and I'll have all the papers drawn up to make all of this official." He stood and so did me and Rose.

"Thank you so much Mr. Harvey." I said shaking his hand.

"No problem Bella. I'll see tomorrow at the funeral."

"Yeah." I smiled and Rosalie grabbed my hand and led me out of the building.

We said nothing as we got into the car and started to drive back towards my house. "That's a lot of money Bells."

"You have that kind of money Rose." I wasn't liking this feeling. I was excited. I had money and it made me upset knowing how I obtained that money. My father was dead and that made me feel sad, short of breath and slightly empty; but money meant that I didn't have to worry about things for a little while and that made me feel happy and relaxed. It was like I was being pulled in two different ways.

"My parents have that kind of money. I don't have that kind of money." She pulled onto my street.

"I don't want to think about it a whole bunch right now. I'm just gonna let it sit."

She stopped the car and we got up and headed up the stairs to the house. I walked in the door and saw Edward sitting on the stairs. His eyes got really wide and he jumped up and walked towards me. "Bella."

"Edward."

"Someone's here." He didn't have to say who it was; I knew. "We didn't know if you wanted to see her."

All good feelings were gone and I was hyperventilating. "Where is she?"

"Bella." I turned and there was my mother standing in my living room. She still looked like me except old and tired and I felt anger and fury wash over me. My vision went tunnel and all I could see was her.

"What are doing here?" I said very slowly hearing the words echo in my head.

"I heard about your father and I came for the funeral and for you." She stepped forward and reached out as if to comfort me.

I backed up. "Don't touch." My voice was a breathy whisper.

"Bella." She said if she was trying to plea with me, she was crying.

"No. No don't touch me. I want you to leave." I said stepping back, pointing at the door.

"Bella please, I'm so sorry." She paused and fumbled over her words slightly. "For what I did."

"Because of you I have stand in front a town full people and talk about a man I don't know." I was raising my voice. "So you are no place to ask me for anything. So leave." My voice was shaking and I was crying, but again it wasn't for my father. It was because I was furious.

"Bella."

"GET OUT!" I screamed. I had snapped. I didn't want her in here anymore. I didn't want her near anyone that was a part of my life now. She was a sickness and I didn't want to spread that around to my friends, to this town.

Jasper was beside her now saying something to her, she was still looking at me saying my name over and over again.

"I never want to see you again." I felt hands on my arms pull me away from her and into a small room in the back of the house holding books. I looked up and saw Edward he was saying my name. "Bella."

"Is she gone?" I didn't even want to hear what she had to say. She wasn't worth it.

He looked around the corner and nodded. "Bella calm down." I was starting to see clearly again. I looked at my hands, they were shaking, my whole body was shaking. He ran his thumbs under my eyes wiping the tears from my face. He pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me. "Bella, Bella she's gone." He tightened his grip around me, placed his lips on my hairline and started humming. The tune was unfamiliar but calming. I started to relax. I had stopped crying and I was breathing easy. When we parted we were still by ourselves.

I had no idea how long we had been standing there in that little room, but it I found it odd that no one came to check on me. "Where is everyone?"

"I told them you needed a minute." He was brushing the hair out of my face.

"Who did you tell?" I hoped it wasn't Jasper. He didn't need to see this.

"Rosalie."

"Good." I walked out into the hallway and walked into the living room where Rosalie was looking through pictures, Emmett was taking up most of the couch taking a nap and Jasper was watching TV.

He looked up at me and smiled. "Hey Bells." He stood up and hugged me. I embraced the hug because it was one of the last that was going to feel like this. He knew what was coming; I could tell when I looked at him. "Sorry, we didn't know."

"That's fine; it's not your fault." I looked at them. "I'm gonna go have a nap and then we'll go out to dinner?" They all nodded. "Great." I was exhausted again. I turned and looked at the three of them "Hey." They all looked at me like they were waiting for the words of salvation. "Play nice, k."

They all nodded and I went up to my father's room and closed my eyes and focused on Edward.

**EPOV**

I woke up the next morning to the sound of my cell phone vibrating. I managed to catch it before it fell of my night table and I opened it and put it to my ear. "Hello."

"Hey, I'm sorry I woke you up." It was Bella. Bella never called me, at least not since I told her how I felt. She avoided contact with me if she could and now she was calling me.

"No, that's okay." I was wide awake now and my first reaction was to stand, but I was on this wired angle and I just ended up falling out of my bed.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I fell out of bed." I was standing awkwardly in the middle of my bedroom in my boxers with my other hand under my armpit. That fall fucking killed my body. I looked at myself in a full length and saw my hair which had gathered to one side of my head like a wave.

"Oh okay. Um, Rosalie told me you stopped by yesterday."

"Yeah, I wanted to see if you got home, if you were okay but you were asleep."

"Yeah, um I'm awake now and me and Rose have to go out and organize stuff for the funeral tomorrow, but when I get back here I would really like for you to be here. I need you here." My heart skipped a little. She wanted me there. I fucking hope Rosalie was right because if she wasn't this was going to fucking kill me. "But I won't be back till like one, so don't rush or anything."

"No, no I'll be there." My door opened slightly and Alice poked her head it. She smiled. "Hey." I started swinging my arm telling her to leave and mouthed the words 'Fuck off."

She didn't take to this too kindly. "Fuck you Edward."

I shook my head. "Hold on." I said into the phone and then I covered the mouth piece. "Alice fuck off."

"I just came in here to tell you that breakfast is waiting for downstairs dickface." She gave me the finger and walked away. How did we ever survive in this house together?

I removed my hand from the phone. "Yeah, I'll see you in a couple of hours." I was distracted now; fucking Alice.

"Okay." I hung up the phone and put on some clothes because my mother hated it when I came downstairs half dressed.

I walked downstairs and walked into the kitchen where my mother had just finished pouring me some orange juice and placed it by a plate filled with bacon, eggs, potatoes and toast. I loved my mom. I looked over at Alice who sneered at me.

"What are you doing today Edward?" My mother asked me cleaning every area of the island I wasn't using.

"I'm going to Bella's." I said stuffing scrambled eggs in my mouth.

"Bella's?" Said Alice. "Can I come?" She looked hopeful.

I looked at her like she was crazy. "No, you're really not on everyone's favorite people list."

"And you are going to help me get the house ready." My mother got up and walked to the sink and cleaned a mug that either her or Alice were using and placed it in the dishwasher.

"The house ready for what?" I took a drink of the orange juice.

"We're hosting a gathering after Charlie's funeral tomorrow. Charlie's place is too small and I can't bear the thought of Bella trying to entertain people after what happened." She tugged at the sleeves of her sweater. She looked over at Alice. "We'll run into town, hire caterers maybe have some lunch and a little shopping?" She brushed Alice's hair behind her shoulder.

Alice smiled. "Sounds great mom."

I looked from Alice to my mother. "And the good doctor's at work?"

"Double shift."

"Nice." I finished my food and looked at my plate and then looked at my mom.

"Just leave it there."

"Thanks mom." I walked around and kissed her head and then looked at Alice. "I'll see you later big sister."

I ran up stairs and showered, got dressed but it was only eleven fifteen. I knew that Bella was probably still out, but I couldn't just wait around so I got in my car and drove to Chief Swan's house.

I knocked on the door and Jasper answered. "What do you want?" His lip had already healed. I was fucking Gorgeous George and he was the fucking Pikey; he was fucking Brad Pitt.

"Bella told me to come by."

"Well she's not here." He was about to close the door on me.

"She told me to wait for her."

He sighed and rolled his eyes and walked back into the house. I let myself in and closed the door. I followed him into the living room where him and Emmett were watching TV. I looked at Emmett and waved. "Hey." He looked at me completely unamused and then looked back at the TV. Jasper sat down beside him and I took the chair. They were watching _How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days_. Really? Is that all they could find?

I laughed. "So this is fucking awkward."

Both of them looked over at me slowly and gave me a look that said if I was to say one more word, they would get up and drop me like third period French.

I looked towards the TV and watched most of the movie in silence till there was a knock on the door. Jasper got up and went to the door.

I heard a woman speak. "Hello."

"Hello."

"I'm Renee, Bella's mother." I immediately stood and walked up behind Jasper and there she was. She looked just like Bella except older, uglier and tired.

Jasper looked over his shoulder at me and then back at Renee. "Renee, why don't you go sit in the living room."

Renee smiled and passed the both of us and walked into the living room and introduced herself to Emmett.

I pulled Jasper into the kitchen, my hand gripped firmly around his arm. "What the fuck are you doing?" Jasper looked at my hand and then back at me. I let go of him. "Sorry." I paused. "Did she tell you what that woman did?"

He nodded. "But things are different now she may want to see her."

"It's been like three fucking days Jasper. If she wanted her mother here she would have phoned her by now." I pointed towards the living room. "That woman is fucking crazy." I was a little harsh. I was just going by what Bella told me.

Jasper looked away from me and placed one of his hands on his hips and ran his other hand through his hair. "I think we should what until Bella gets home and let her make that decision." He walked past me back into the living room.

I decided to wait on the stairs so I could get to Bella first. I wanted to prepare her for her mother because I thought Jasper was wrong. Bella didn't want to see her mother, and I was pretty sure shit was going to hit the fan.

I saw her coming up the walk way about a half hour later. She looked strangely happy; one side of her mouth was slightly curled upward, but she was still surrounded by an aura of grief. I really hoped she cried. She walked in the door and I jumped up and walked towards her, not sure if I should touch her but desperately wanting too. "Bella."

"Edward." She had an up tone to her voice, she was in a reasonable good mood that I knew that my news was going to ruin.

"Someone's here." I watched as her face fell. "We didn't know if you wanted to see her." I don't know how she knew it was her mother, but she did. Was she expecting her? Did I have a certain tone in my voice? Was my body angled a certain way?

She seemed to be breathing much deeper now, almost on the verge of hyperventilating and her eyes were large and filled with nothing but anger. "Where is she?"

"Bella." We all turned to see Renee standing at the entrance to the living room.

I looked at her. "Bella." I said, but she didn't respond; it was like she couldn't hear me, like the only thing she could see or hear was her mother.

"What are doing here?" She said the words very slowly almost as if she was trying to make sure they were the right ones. Trying to make sure that her mother heard every one of them.

"I heard about your father and I came for the funeral and for you." She stepped forward and reached out as if to comfort Bella. I wanted reach out and bat her away.

Bella took a step back, so did Rosalie and I. "Don't touch." Her voice was quiet and airy, like she was pushing the words out of her.

"Bella." Renee had started crying, still reaching forward for her daughter, pleading with her. Jasper was now standing a little off to the side behind Renee, and I couldn't see Emmett from where I was standing.

"No. No don't touch me. I want you to leave." She took another step back, into me. I pressed my hand onto the small of her back, not sure she could feel it as she pointed at the door.

"Bella please, I'm so sorry." She paused and fumbled over her words slightly. "For what I did."

"Because of you I have stand in front a town full people and talk about a man I don't know." She was raising her voice. "So you are no place to ask me for anything. So leave." She voice was shaking and she was crying but they weren't the tears that she wanted, she was crying because she was furious.

"Bella."

"GET OUT!" I jumped slightly when she screamed. It was more like a shriek and it came from the center of her chest. It scared Rosalie too because she grabbed my hand. It's funny how people's love for someone can bring them together; even if those people were Rosalie and I.

Bella had started shaking violently; she stepped forward almost as if she was going to lunge at Renee. Jasper had taken Renee by the arm and was asking her to leave. He looked guilty, he knew he was wrong about letting Renee stay and he felt like he had caused this minor breakdown. "I never want to see you again." I grabbed her as she moved forward towards Renee and pulled her back into the house looking for a place to put her; a place where she couldn't see Renee. I was looking down at her saying her name. "Bella. Bella." I don't think she could really hear me.

"Is she gone?" She was borderline frantic as she swung her head around trying to look around the corner.

I looked around the corner and nodded. "Bella calm down." I said running my thumbs under her eyes wiping the tears from her face. I pulled her to my chest and wrapped my arms around her. "Bella, Bella she's gone." I tightened my grip around her, placed my lips at her hairline and started humming. The song was something I had been kicking around in my head for months. Having no access to a piano I just memorized it as Bella's song, her lullaby and I hummed to her for a while.

I heard footsteps coming towards us. I looked up and saw Jasper standing there looking at us. He looked from me to Bella and then back at me. The look on his face told me what I had been wishing and hoping and praying. It was over and although she hadn't said it she had made her choice, and it was me. I raised one of my fingers to tell him we needed a minute. He nodded and walked away. She finally calmed down and looked at me and then looked around the tiny room filled with books. "Where is everyone?"

"I told them you needed a minute." I said brushing the hair out of her face. I wanted to kiss her so badly.

"Who did you tell?" I knew she didn't want me to say Jasper. She still didn't want to hurt him.

So I lied. "Rosalie."

"Good." We walked out into the living room where everyone was chilling waiting for Bella.

Jasper stood. "Hey Bells." He hugged her and even from where I was standing I could tell there was something different about this hug. It was like this was the last time he was ever going to hug her like that, as a lover rather than a friend. "Sorry, we didn't know." Uh, fuck you Jasper. I knew; I told you this was going to happen, but you didn't listen.

She told him not to worry and about it and that she was going to go and take a nap and she asked us all to play nice; which we did. I sat on the floor and we watched the Wedding Planner because apparently there was a Matthew McConaughey weekend on some specialty channel especially for women.

She got up around six and by seven we were at the restaurant. We went to the South North Gardens. I sat beside Bella on her right while Jasper sat on her left. The dinner was quiet and after the food was taken away conversations were started and they flowed easily; I even contributed. Bella didn't say much just sat beside me and laughed at the times that called for it and then maybe a half hour before we left she slid her hand into mine. No one could have noticed because she kept her hand under the table for most of the night. She didn't look at me or say anything to me she just intertwined our fingers and squeezed my hand. I had trouble thinking clearly after that, I tried to smile when I thought I should and focused on our hands under the table. I lightly rubbed my thumb over the backside of her hand and knew that Rosalie was right. There wasn't a doubt in my mind now.

We left and went back to her house to watch a movie, Singin' In The Rain, and then I told her I was going to go home. She nodded and followed me to the door and hugged me on the porch, in her Megadeth t-shirt. She stood on her tip toes and nestled her face into my neck and kissed it lightly before parting. "Thanks for coming over."

"No problem." I started walking down the stairs. "I'll see you tomorrow."

She nodded and then went back inside.

I went home and medicated myself so I would sleep because I knew tomorrow was going to be a hell of a day.

**BPOV**

I went to bed shortly after Edward left. I was tired again and today had been a big day. I changed into one of my dad's oversized concert t-shirt's, it from a Pearl Jam show years before people knew who Pearl Jam was and I climbed into bed. Jasper came in after using the bathroom and threw his clothes on the floor; he had changed into pajama bottoms. He closed the door and climbed in beside me. He lifted his arm and motioned for me to place my head on his chest. I moved over and placed my head on his chest as he wrapped one arm around me and I listen to him breathe. "Bella."

The clouds had parted and the moon was out spilling light into the room lighting us both with black and grey lines of light. I looked up at him. "Yeah."

"I need to talk to you about Edward." My heart skipped a beat and I think I heard his speed up.

"What about Edward?"

"I know this isn't the right time to do this Bells, but I think you need to have the people in your life that you want to have in your life."

I sat up and turned on the light on the night table. "What are you talking about?"

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked up at me. "Bella, I'm making your choice for you even though I think you've already made it." I just stared at him knowing what he was going to say, but not knowing what I should. He continued. "I saw you with Edward today, after your mother left and he was just holding you and I caught you two together before he realized I was there. And the look on his face. The way he was looking down at you Bells, I have never looked at you like that. And maybe I was so blinded my rage or felt hurt when I found out about you two that I refused to acknowledge that he loves you. But it's written all over him, and I know that I will never love you like that." He paused and looked away from me.

I was crying. I couldn't help it. He was right I had chosen and it wasn't him. I wanted Edward, I wanted him. But it didn't change the fact that I still loved Jasper and didn't want to hurt him, I didn't want him to be hurt, but now here he was breaking up with me because he knew that I couldn't do it.

"When I got back from rehab I was really only thinking about myself. I needed you to be there and fuck everything else. You seemed fine, you seemed like you had nothing other than me going on in your life, so why would I worry about you? I was selfish and just demanded that you be there, that you help me because I knew that if you were there, if you were watching me I'd be fine. I used alcohol to fill a void because I don't really know who I am. I've only ever been as good as the woman standing next to me, or the bottle." He looked at me again. "When Alice left I flipped out because I loved her, I did and probably always will. But I was Alice's boyfriend, that's who I was and when she was gone who was I? So I replaced her with booze and then you came along and I was already what the alcohol was making me. And then I kind of adapted to you and then everything that happened happened and now I'm back to this place of not knowing who I am."

I swallowed hard. I was thankful for this, that he was sharing this with me.

"And you love Edward, I could tell by the look on your face when he was holding you, your face never looked like that when we were together, never. And I need find out who I am on my own because I don't know." He looked away from me again and grabbed my hand. "Bella tomorrow at that funeral if you want Edward standing beside you, I want you to have him stand beside you without you feeling guilty about, I want you to have exactly what you want." He looked back up at me.

I controlled my emotions and pushed the hair out of my face. "Tomorrow you are going to sit beside me and hold my hand because I know seeing Alice is going to kill you and because I need you there because you're my friend. I still love you Jasper." I paused and bit my lip. "Edward will be there and I'll talk to him after and just because he isn't sitting beside me doesn't mean he won't be there for me, he just won't be sitting right next to me."

He smiled a little. "I still love you too and I think this friend thing might work." He sat up and pulled me towards him for a hug.

"I think so too." I felt so much better. We parted and I looked at him. "You're not going to leave are you? I need you to sleep."

He laughed slightly. "I'll stay Bella. You need to sleep because tomorrow is going to be hell."

We both lied down and I placed my head back on his chest and listened to him breathe. "Yes it is." I closed my eyes and started counting and in minutes I was asleep hoping that tomorrow wasn't going to be as bad as I thought it would be.

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**I'm so excited someone mentioned my fanfic on IMDB other than myself. Someone asked about Jasper and Bella fanfics and Here_comes_trouble05 mentioned it. I'm just excited so that is why mentioning this. I get excited easily when it comes to this fan fiction. **

**I'm sorry to all the Jasper/Bella fans. I love the struggle and the triangle but I'm an Edward/Bella fan and from the beginning this is how I wanted it to go.**

**Again I know nothing about funerals and the readings of wills. I'm taking artistic liberties here and making it go my way for stories sake.**

**Thanks everyone for reading.**

**Please review. Please, please please. **


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hey everyone how was your weekend?**

**Ashley I'm sorry we didn't go to the movies this weekend I was exhausted and in a weird gloomy mood. I'll make it up to you I promise. Love you. XOXO**

**Saranic again saves the day by making me feel secure in my work. Thanks babe, you make it easier for me to sleep at night. XOXO**

**Into. scrapes, ARenne363, Tuesday Jane, ****drkvctry and Claire Bloom, you are my ladies. I love you girls. XOXO**

**Where is TRDancer and Lottie2303? They disappeared. Come back. **

**So here is the funeral. **

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**BPOV**

They let me sleep. When Rosalie woke up she was already in a black vintage dress with lace details and her hair was long, sleek and shiny set in loose curls. "Hey babe, we gotta get you in the shower."

I nodded and ran my hand over the place that Jasper used to be lying in and it felt cold. He must have been up for a long time. I stood and walked to the bathroom and closed the door. I ran the water and showered in about five minutes. I stood in the bathroom looking at myself in the fogged mirror. I didn't look any different but I felt like I should. It had been four days and my entire life had changed, but I was still me, I still looked like me, smelled like me, talked like me, but today I didn't feel like me. I felt like I was outside myself. I was a single orphan and even though I knew I wasn't alone, I certainly felt like I was.

Rosalie knocked on the door when I was done and sat me down in my room where she had all her beauty products set up. She dried my hair and curled it gathering it to the side in a ponytail. She didn't put too much makeup on me, but she did use waterproof mascara, I was hoping that today would be the day that I would need it and she handed me a dress. It was black and simple and looked a little like Audrey Hepburn's in _Breakfast At Tiffany's_. I put on some black pumps and Rosalie handed me Edward's aviators.

I walked downstairs and got a cup of coffee and a piece of toast. I wasn't really all that hungry, but I knew I should eat because I wouldn't be able to later.

I walked into the living and sat down. Jasper and Emmett we watching TV in suits, with their hair combed and their ties hanging lazily around their necks and they looked at me. "Hey." They both said in unison sitting forward.

"Hey." I was surprisingly calm. I felt like I was in shock, like I couldn't feel anything. I had spent three days of being in pain, both physical and mental, being unable to cry. Now the day was here to remember my father and I couldn't force myself to feel anything, good or bad. I was numb to what was about to happen, and I was sitting there in that dress waiting to be taken to the church feeling completely indifferent about it. I closed my eyes and hoped that this would change once I got to the church.

It was almost noon. My hair had taken a lot longer than I thought and Rosalie came down the stairs wearing a large black hat and sunglasses. The lady knew how to dress; classic was the word that came to mind. "Are we ready to go?"

"Isn't a little early?" I asked placing the aviators on my face; watching everything go green.

"I have to make sure everything is right." She lightly fingered the rim of her hat. "Emmett, will you drive?"

He stood. "Sure thing babe." He got up and fixed his tie and walked past us and started the car.

I stood, put on a jacket, and took Jasper's hand purely out of habit. He had fixed his tie and was wearing a grey pea coat I had never seen before. He stood with me while I locked the door.

We walked to the car and Jasper opened my door while I slipped inside. We drove there and none of us said anything. We parked at the back of the church and went in the back way. I had never been in this church before; it was simple but beautiful. The walls were very white and the ceiling was very high supported by beams of wood that looked like mahogany. There were large windows lining both sides of the church that led to alter. It was simple and also made out of mahogany, like the pews and behind it was a gaudy crucifix. It was too lavish for the church and looked slightly tacky in the simple surroundings.

Rosalie did a good job with setting this up, although it didn't look like she had to do much. The flowers were simple; just white lilies, lots and lots of white lilies.

Someone came in and set up a stand and placed a large picture of my father on it. This made my heart jump. I was right; being here was forcing me to feel and I was breathing deep again. Then they brought the casket in.

Jasper almost materialized beside me and I grabbed his hand and turned into him. "I don't want to see him."

"Then you don't have to see him." He said looking around the church. Rosalie was standing at the front of the church talking with the funeral director we met with yesterday. She was pointing at flowers and other things that she seemed to notice but I didn't.

Someone came up behind me and lightly touched my shoulder. I jumped and squeezed Jasper's hand so hard he grunted. It was a woman around my father's age that was dressed in black. She had long brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was plain and rather tired looking, but she tried to smile and when she did it made her look much more alive. "Hello, you're Isabella Swan?"

I nodded, taking off my aviators removing my hand from Jasper's so I could shake hers.

"I'm Kelly Dewan. I work for the funeral home."

"Ah." I said relocating Jasper's hand.

"I was also your father's friend. Well, I was his friend. We were friends in high school but stayed in touch." She seemed flustered. Was this woman my father's girlfriend because he could do better. He could have done better. I smiled weakly. "I just came to ask you if you would like to view the body."

My heart skipped again and I squeezed Jasper's hand.

"It can sometimes be a large shock seeing a loved one for the first time after death, and if you're not quite sure what your reaction might be seeing him now may help you later if you don't want to lose it in front of your family and friends."

She had a point. I didn't want to be all weepy and blubbery during the service. I looked at Jasper and then to Kelly and nodded. She lightly wrapped her cold hand around my arm and led me up to the front of the church where someone had just opened the casket. I stopped a couple of feet at the edge of the steps leading up and stared at the casket. "Can I just have a minute?" I said looking at Kelly. She nodded and walked to the funeral director Rosalie was talking to and they began talking. I couldn't see Rosalie anywhere, and for some reason this concerned me.

"Bella if you don't want to do this then you don't have to do this." Said Jasper taking the aviators from me and sliding them into his front pocket.

"No, no I want to do this." I did now, I wanted to see him. I was curious and still outside myself. I took the steps up, pulling Jasper along with me until I was just about to see him and then I stopped. I closed my eyes and prepared myself for this. I prepared myself for tears hoping this would do it. I took it, I stepped up and viewed my father's dead body and the feeling I got wasn't the one I was expecting. I felt confused.

"That doesn't look like him." It didn't; I knew it was him, but he looked all waxy, like someone had made a wax casting of him.

"Well he's got a lot of make-up on and they do things to bodies to preserve them so they start to look different." He ran his hand through his hair forgetting that he combed it and then went about fixing it before he spoke again. "When I was twelve my aunt and uncle died in this car crash and when I saw them it scared me to death. They looked like wax people."

I nodded. "Yeah, that's what he looks like." I stood on my tip toes trying to look at his neck, trying to see the wound from the bullet, but I couldn't see anything. I stood there feeling slightly disappointed. I thought this was going to be a huge moment, but instead I was just left feeling empty and completely detached from the body. If I was going to cry it would have to come from memories because this wasn't going to do it.

I slumped down into a pew and Jasper sat beside me turning to talk to Emmett who was sitting in the pew behind us.

We sat there till I heard my name. It was Jacob with his father Billy. I was glad they were here. Jacob stopped when we met in the middle of the church. "Hello Billy." I bent down and hugged him. I always really liked Billy; he was like Jacob in a lot of ways, easy going, funny, loyal and I was glad he was here. My father would have wanted him here.

"Hello Isabella." He sounded so sad and this brought me back into my body. I was in this now and I felt the fortress shift again.

"I'm really glad that you could come." I stood up and looked at Jake. "You too Jake." I walked forward and hugged him. When he parted he was trying not to cry, and I felt everything shift again. "Are you guys going to the Cullen's after this?" They both nodded. "Good we'll talk more then, okay?" I turned and walked away from them, not being able to take them anymore.

I looked around and realized that a lot of people had showed up and I didn't know any of them. I grabbed Jasper's hand and then Rosalie's who was standing right next to him. "Who are all these people?"

"They were the people that were in your dad's address book." Said Rosalie taking her other hand and then placing it over mine. "Bella, these people were your father's friends and co-workers."

I nodded. Of course these people wanted to be here, these people loved my father because he was an amazing guy who I ignored my whole life.

Rosalie let go of my hand and started talking to someone else I didn't know when I felt Jasper's hand crush mine. I whipped my head up looking for Edward's family. I knew that had to be it, why would Jasper freak out like that unless Alice was here? I was slightly excited because I had never seen anyone in his family before.

And then I spotted him walking in a sea of people that seemed to have doubled since the last time I took stock of how many people were there. I started looking at the people around him and spotted his mother. He had his arm around her and she was crying. She looked familiar and I tried to place her but couldn't. She was beautiful. She had bronzed colored hair and green eyes and I knew that Edward got his from her. Her eyes were large under perfectly sculpted eyebrows. Her nose was small and narrow and her lips were full and wet from her tears. She looked a little like Audrey Hepburn, and I was dying to meet her. Edward loved his mother and I loved him, so I wanted to love her too.

I didn't realize that they were getting closer until Jasper squeezed harder and started slowly reducing my bones to dust. They hit a clearing and I saw Alice. She was exactly how I imagined her. She was small, smaller than me, small like a child. She was painstakingly beautiful like her mother. She had her mother's nose, lips and heart-shaped face, but her eyes were different. They looked grey but with specks of blue and green like the color of the sea and you could tell she was a dancer. She walked with rhythm and grace like to a beat only she could hear. She also seemed to have an aura of happiness around her. Her face was sad and she was crying, but I could literally feel her uppity demeanor radiating off of her. I wanted to hate her but I couldn't. She just didn't look like the type of person that could have done the things that Jasper and Edward accused her of, but I told myself to be cold because I was Jasper's friend and not hers.

Jasper stepped closer to me and pressed his chest into my bare arm. The way he had positioned himself I could feel his heart beating through his suit. Just before Esme reached us a man that could only be Carlisle flew past us. It had to be Carlisle because he looked identical to Edward except he had blonde hair, hair blonder than Jasper's or Rosalie's. His hair was unnaturally blonde and his eyes were like Alice's grey with blue and green specks, but unlike hers his looked empty. He was insanely good looking, just like the rest of his family, but there was something different about him. He had an aura around him just like Alice, but his was dark and filled with something that wasn't hate but it was close. It radiated off of him like a sickness.

I turned my head to watch him and he made his way into the pew behind the one I was going to be sitting in when someone grabbed me and pulled me towards them.

It was Esme; I could tell because when I looked over I could see all of her hair. I raised my head to look at Edward who was smiling slightly looking directly at me. He was holding Alice's hand as she cried looking down at the floor. I raised my free hand and placed it on her back; she whimpered. "Oh Bella."

"Hello Esme." I patted her back.

She let me go and looked at me grabbing my face with her hands. If it was possibly, she was even more beautiful close up. "Oh Bella look at you, you're so beautiful." She turned to Edward. "Edward, you didn't mention how beautiful she was." His he looked away and his face went red and I smiled. "I had seen pictures of you before but they really don't do you justice."

I blushed. "Thank you."

"How are you?" She looked so concerned, like I was her child. She acted like how a mother should act.

"Holding up. I think I'll be much better when this is all over." I paused and looked at her as her eyes moved franticly over my face. "How are you?"

She stopped and looked at me like I just told her her ass looked fat. It looked like she was trying to compose herself. "It's not important how I am." She looked away from me and shook her head. "You are coming to our house after right?"

I nodded. "Yes, thank you so much for doing that."

"It's not a problem." She looked at me one more time. "You have his eyes exactly." I clenched my jaw as a whole new set of emotion came over me. She noticed that he and I had the same eyes; it was the only thing of his physically I had and she noticed. She started crying again and walked over to Jasper and started kissing his cheek and hugging him.

Alice stepped forward letting go of Edward's hand to reach for mine. Jasper's grip tightened furiously and I looked over at him. He loosened his grip, but not all the way. I pulled my hand away before she could grab it. Her tiny brow furrowed and then smoothed out and she smiled compassionately. "I'm so sorry Bella." I just stared at her, not really knowing how to feel about her. She hurt Jasper and she hurt Edward so should couldn't be a friend. She laughed and shook her head placing her hand on her chest. Her voice was musical, it rang like a bell. "I'm so rude I didn't even introduce my-"

I cut her off. "I know who you are."

Her face was serious she was nodding slowly. "Well Bella, I really am sorry. Charlie got us out of a lot of shit in high school, and he was really one of the best people I knew." She looked right at me. She was still crying.

I wanted to hate her. I told myself that I had to, but her statement was so sincere that I had trouble not hugging her at that moment. She knew Charlie, she knew him in a way that I never would and it sent a wave of emotion through me that I managed to lock away before I let myself get out of control. "Thank you." I said my voice was thick.

She moved on only stopping for a second to look at Jasper. "Hello Jasper." I looked at him and watched him slowly turn his head to look at her. "Hello Alice." His voice barely a whisper; she passed and went to meet up with her mother. They both took a seat with Carlisle so that Esme was sitting directly behind me.

Edward walked up to me. He said nothing; he just looked at me, his green eyes scanning my face, taking the time to register my mood. He took a step towards me and I let go of Jasper's hand and threw my arms around his neck. He let his head fall so that his lips were pressed against my neck. "I'm so glad you're here." I was crying, it had started and I knew it was only going to get worse, much worse. I knew that I wouldn't stop for a long time.

"Where else would I be?" He kissed my neck and looked at me wiping the tears from under my eyes.

I intertwined my fingers with his. "I know." I shook my head. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah." He smiled slightly. "Do you need me with you? Do you want me to sit with you?" He looked at me as he slowly ran his thumb over the back side of my hand.

I shook my head. "Your mother really needs you. There will be time for us later." I let go of his hand.

He nodded and cupped my face and kissed my cheeks, just underneath my eyes. I knew that he wanted to kiss me, but we both knew that if that happened we would never stop. He nodded and walked past me and sat with his family.

I took my seat with Jasper on one side and Rosalie on the other. The service started shortly after that. The priest said something about my father not being a religious man but being a good man. I cried steadily, but not sobs, just tears. Then the priest said something I didn't expect. He called upon me to come and say some words about my father.

My eyes went wide and I looked over at Rosalie who was staring back at me with the same expression I'm sure that I had on my face. "You don't have to do this Bella." She said squeezing my hand that she was already holding.

I sat there and looked up at the priest and then around the church; everyone was looking at me. I sighed. I hated speaking in front of people. I wasn't good at it, but I knew that I had to. I could do this; I just had to speak from the heart and I would be fine.

I stood and walked up the steps up to the alter and stood behind the podium with a microphone attached to it. I scanned the church staring at the faces of people that didn't know me but knew my father. "Uh, hello." The microphone hissed and blared out feedback. I stepped back making a face and the priest came forward and repositioned the microphone. I stepped back. "Hello, um thank you all for coming."

I wiped under my eyes and sniffed dulling my tears for the four minutes I planned being up here. I looked over at Edward. He looked at me, smiled and nodded.

"Um, I never really knew my father. I was told some things about him when I was a child that weren't true, but I spent most of my life believing." I looked down at my hands. I had no idea what to say and I knew that I was just going to ramble so I went with it. "My dad loved his flat screen TV." I heard someone laugh quietly. "He really did. When I came home to visit he would talk about the picture nonstop, he would talk about how clear the players looked on the screen. He loved baseball too, but he wasn't that good of a player. Football was his thing; he was good at that." I paused again. What the fuck was I talking about? "He liked movies, but only if they were old. He said he liked the pacing, he liked that it moved slowly. He said it allowed him to slow down because everything was moving so fast nowadays and he wants that time to just appreciate something for what it was instead of wishing it was faster or better or smaller and available right now. My dad liked waiting for things, he had patience that a lot of people didn't."

I paused again and huffed. "I don't really know what I'm talking about, I'm sorry. I'm not very good at this. What I want to say is that I love my dad and I know he loved me and all of you; there was proof of that every day when he got up and did his job." I tugged at the ends of my hair and looked over at Edward. He was staring at me with a sad look on his face as Esme wept beside him; I hadn't really heard her until that moment. "Thank you all for coming it would have made him really happy that you all came." I stood there for just a second before nodding and going back to my seat.

I looked over at Rosalie. "What the fuck did I just say?"

"It was actually kind of sweet." She had tears in her eyes that brought tears to mine and she grabbed my hand.

Billy talked after me and told story about a time that he and my dad went fishing and Charlie got really drunk and fell out of the boat. It was nice to hear him talk about my dad; to have a story that was actually heart warming instead of me just babbling on about televisions.

Harry went next and then a couple of people he had worked with. The tears had returned; just like before and I tried to be as silent as possible. I hated people I didn't know seeing me cry even though I did it all the time.

Then the priest came back to the alter and looked out over all of us. "And now one of our town's young musicians, Edward Cullen, is going to play one of Charlie's favourite songs." My heart jumped and I swung my head around as he walked out of his row and up to a small piano in the corner of the church that I had just noticed.

He sat down and adjusted the microphone and coughed to clear his throat. "Hello, um Charlie really loved music and I want to sing a song that wasn't just special to him but also to his daughter." His eyes shifted over to me. The foundation of the fortress was crumbling. It wasn't just a few cracks anymore, it was falling apart and so was I. He couldn't play the song that I thought he was going to play.

"Okay." He cleared his throat one more time and cracked his fingers before starting to play the opening notes to the song that I knew would be the end of my emotional drought. They were simple notes to a song that was mine and Charlie's song. And then he sang the open line of the song and the words hit me like a sledgehammer to the chest.

_Slow down you crazy child/You're so ambitious for a juvenile/But then if you're so smart/Tell me why are you still so afraid?_

I doubled over and started hyperventilating feeling a pain in my chest so intense that I thought I was going to pass out. I let out a sob that filled the church and I felt both Jasper's and Rosalie's hands on my shoulder's trying to pull me back up.

The fortress was down and I was standing in the pile of rubble that was left. It was down and I was left with emotion; sadness, anger, regret and a mess to clean up. The song was the detonation. That was what set it off. Those words; slow down you crazy child. That was my dad's warning and I was the crazy child. This was mine and his; his and mine and he would never say it to me ever again.

Charlie was dead. He died. I had said the words before but they meant nothing to me till right now. He was never coming back. I was never going to laugh with him again, be mad at him again, listen to him talk about his television or some cat he had to get out of a tree. I was never going to hear him tell me to get into a more practical profession or make me feel uncomfortable with talks of boys. He was gone and it only registered with me now. I thought I had registered it but it hadn't. I thought I was a wreck before, but it was nothing to the way I felt now.

My body ached and was trembling. I could barely make out Edward's voice; I could still hear it and it was like he was calling out to me, keeping me here.

I opened my eyes and looked at him as he looked back at me. I could feel Rosalie lightly stroking my arm and Jasper had just kissed my temple. "Let it out Bella." He whispered before he leaned back.

I managed to force myself to listen for my favourite part of the song. I heard Esme let out a laugh through her sobs and she sang along.

_Slow down, you're doing fine/You can't be everything you want to be before your time._

Her voice was beautiful just like Edward's and I wondered how she knew this song; if it meant something to her to. Then it hit me. I placed her. I once saw her in a picture in one of my dad's old year books. I asked him who she was and he told me she was just a girl he used to know but I knew that she was something more because he shut down for the rest of the day after that. Esme and my father had a past and I told myself I would find out more about it later. Maybe Edward knew.

Another loud sob escaped from my mouth and echoed in the small church and I took a moment to look around me. I looked at all these people that had come out to remember my father. Almost everyone was crying or had tears in their eyes and I got a sickly feeling in my stomach. All of these people knew Charlie, they loved him and treated him with respect every day of his life while I ignored him and treated him like shit for so many years. These people were going to tell me that they were sorry. That they thought it was so terrible that I had lost my father; a man that loved me regardless of what I did, regardless of how awful I was to him, a man that still loved me after I shunned him for years with no excuse at all. How could they feel sorry for me? I felt disgusting, like an imposter and I wanted to climb out of my own skin.

This sent anger through me and made my sobbing violent as I dug my nails into Rosalie's and Jasper's hands. I looked up at Edward again and watched as the daylight highlighted his perfect cheekbones and he sang; the lines of wet that the tears left as they ran down his face. His voice was thick when he sang.

_Slow down, you crazy child/And take the phone off the hook and disappear for awhile/It's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two/When will you realize,..Vienna waits for you?_

God he was so beautiful. What did I do to deserve him? He looked over at me as he sang; his eyes rimmed with red crying for Charlie, or me or maybe both. He knew that this would do it; he knew that this would make me cry the way I needed to cry. This day was going to be a write off; I was all fucked up now. I knew talking to people at Edward's was completely off the agenda.

I just wanted to curl up and hide under a blanket for a couple of days until I was physically incapable of crying anymore. I wanted to be locked in Charlie's bedroom with Edward. I just wanted Edward to hold me while I surrounded myself with things that used to belong to him. I wanted to hold on to his memory and find out everything I could about him, all the things I missed while I was running around with murderers in Arizona.

He was finishing the song and I was thankful I wanted this to be over. I hoped the service was almost over because I could barely breathe.

_When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?_

He played the last remaining notes and stopped. He stood and he wiped his nose with his hand and wiped under his eyes. I looked over at Rosalie whose face was blotchy and red from tears as she lightly dabbed a tissue under her eyes. I would have asked for one if I wasn't already way beyond it. I looked down at my dress and saw little spots that my tears had forms on it. I let go of both of their hands and saw the red, raw marks my nails had left and felt guilty about it.

The service didn't last much longer. The priest said a few more things while I let my sobs interrupt him and ring throughout the church. Then the body was viewed for a half hour before we drove to the cemetery and laid him to rest. I did not stick around for this. I fled to Rosalie's car dragging Edward with me and locked myself in there till we had to go.

We were kind of lying across the back seat. I was on top of him, sobbing, filling the car with my sadness, listening to _Bon Iver_ wishing I could stop crying for just a little while so I could just be with him; but that wasn't going to happen. I was in pain; my body ached from way I had been heaving it for the last hour and my mind was trying to wrap its self around everything.

I looked down at his chest and saw the wet spot I had left on his insanely white dress shirt. It had little specks of black in it from my mascara. "Waterproof my ass." I managed to get out through my sobs using my hands to try and clean his shirt.

"What?" He laughed slightly.

I looked up at him. I breathed in heavily and suppressed the tears so that I could speak normally. "Rosalie told me that this mascara was waterproof. Look at your fucking shirt." I started rubbing it again, letting the tears return, licking my finger trying to rub out the marks.

"Bella, Bella." He grabbed my hands and forced me to look at him. "Forget about the shirt. It's just a shirt." He let go of my hands and ran his index finger from my temple down my jaw letting it rest on my chin. He was staring at my mouth, but then his gaze met mine and he huffed out in frustration and kissed my forehead and forced my head back down onto his chest.

Seconds later we heard a tapping noise on the glass. We both jumped. "Fucking shit." Said Edward as he turned around with wide eyes and looked at Rosalie.

She was making a motion with her hand to roll down the window. Edward unlocked the door so she could get in. "They just put Charlie in the hearse, we have to go to the cemetery now." I nodded and Edward got out of the car and walked over to a Cadillac that was waiting.

I had gotten out of the car with Edward and I looked up and saw Jasper and Emmett heading towards the car. I assumed they were two of the men that helped carry the casket out. Emmett and Jasper both wrapped one of their arms around me and pulled me in towards them. They hugged me tightly. I felt Rosalie hug me from behind and we all stood together in silence in this weird group hug. As strange as it was, it helped me feel less alone. I had a family; they were my family. Well they were a part of it; the other half was sitting in a Cadillac. They all seemed to let go of me together and Jasper grabbed my hand and slid into the back seat with me, while Emmett drove and Rosalie sat in the passenger seat.

We followed behind the hearse letting my tears die down slightly knowing they would only start back up when I got out of the car and put my father in the ground.

It was cold today and started to snow just as we got out of the car. This time Edward stood next to me and didn't make a sound as I dug my nails into him as I sobbed loudly like before. This part didn't take very long. The priest said whatever needed to be said and then they lowered him into the ground.

Rosalie arranged to have white roses there that we could throw into the grave, which I found a little cliché but I did it anyway. I looked up at Edward and hugged him. "I'll see you in a couple of minutes." I parted and he looked at me with sad eyes as I let go of his hand.

I walked up to Jasper and fished the aviators out of his pocket and hugged him. He took my hand and led me to the car.

We got in and drove to Edward's. Jasper was terrible at giving directions and we missed his driveway.

It was well hidden and almost impossible to tell is was there unless you knew it was there. We had to drive for another mile to find another driveway to turn around in because the road was too narrow to U-turn in. We finally located it again and turned up the drive way that was surrounded by lots of trees. It seemed like it went for a mile until the trees cleared and opened out to a massive estate.

I knew that Edward was loaded, but I didn't expect for his house to look like this. It was wide and tall, at least three stories. It was freakishly white and heavily Victorian inspired and there seemed to be an abundance of floor to ceiling windows. It was beautiful and I desperately wanted to be inside so I could see what it all looked like. I wanted to see his room.

There were multiple cars there already and we walked towards the front door and entered into a massive foyer. The floors were mahogany hardwood and a large area rug had been place over it. There was a winding staircase that lead up to the next floor and to my left was a large sitting room housing white furniture and glass coffee and end tables. This was one of the rooms that had floor to ceiling windows and it was flooded with light. There was also a beautiful polished piano sitting in the corner that I successfully imagined Edward sitting at.

"Can I take your coats?" I looked in front of me to see Alice standing there smiling politely. I nodded and removed my coat and looked over at Jasper who had gone stiff and was just staring at Alice. I turned and helped him peel his coat off and handed them both to Alice.

"Thank you." I said as she handed me some tissues and walked away. My crying wasn't sobs anymore, just tears. I felt lighter but equally as heavy. I looked over at Jasper. "You okay Jazz?"

He looked at me and nodded. "Yeah, I'll be okay." He said squeezing my hand. I looked around us and noticed that Rosalie and Emmett were already gone and had moved through the house.

I looked over at Jasper. "I'm gonna check out the house."

"You mean you need to find Edward."

I laughed. "Yeah, that's what I mean."

He smiled and leaned in and kissed my forehead and walked into the room with the piano and stared talking to a blonde woman holding a baby.

I walked into the opposite room holding more sofas and chairs and tables and more places for people to sit. That room led into their living room. There was a large crème colored sofa and chair facing a ridiculously large television. This room also had floor to ceiling windows and had crème colored carpeting. It was a large open room that had another staircase leading to the upstairs.

The kitchen was also a part of this room and had the same open concept. The counter tops were marble and the flooring changed to a tile that looked expensive. The appliances were all state of the art and there was food laid out everywhere. The fridge door closed and Esme stepped out holding a plate of vegetables.

Her eyes widened when she saw me. "Oh Bella, you're here, good." She put the food down and hugged me. She parted and looked at me and took the sunglasses of my face. "Take those off. Ladies don't wear sunglasses indoors." She tucked them away and looked back at me. She was a mother for sure, and I was now her new child. She would be the mother that I always thought I had but didn't.

"Have you seen Edward?" I asked her wiping under my eyes with the tissues Alice had given me.

She smiled slightly and then shook her head. "No, he went his own way the second we got inside. Have a look around; he shouldn't be hard to find." She turned and started putting the vegetables on a plate. "And Bella if you need anything ever, don't hesitate to ask, don't hesitate to call."

"Thank you Esme." I said sincerely.

"No problem dear. Find Edward and then come and get something to eat." She turned and went back to preparing the food.

I walked away from the kitchen down a corridor that led to more of the house, but I was greeted by Edward who was walking towards me from a part of the house I wanted to see but hadn't yet. He grabbed my hands. "Hey." He said scanning my face with his eyes.

"Hey." I paused, intertwining our fingers. "I need to talk to you." I looked to my left and saw a door and opened it and pulled him inside. He found the light switch. I had brought us into a pantry.

He looked at me. "What did you want to talk about Bella?"

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**I left a link to Vienna on my profile, if you have never heard it or you can't download it. **

**So I started reading this story by my friend Claire Bloom called Enigma. If you are a Bella and Edward fan you will like this. It's a little strange and will keep you guessing all the time. I'm on chapter 8 and I still haven't figured it out but I can't stop reading it. It has a little suspense, angst and its full of romance and some lemons. She also needs a beta so if anyone is interested message her. She is already 20 chapters in but this would be good practice to get to know one another's writing and editing styles before she starts the new one she's got in her head. **

**Please give it a try. Read past the first chapter. It will pull you in like it did me. It's in my favorites so you can find it that way if you wish.  
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**AESERVELLON!!!! You reviewed. I think you are my only male reader so congrats. You must be a pretty awesome guy cause you are friends with Enrique and anyone who is friends with Enrique is awesome. I'm glad you are reading and am really excited to hear what you have to say. XOXO**

**I know I am missing stuff that I wanted to say but I have taken some sleeping medication and I'm all drowsy. **

**Oh everyone download the song Creature Fear by Bon Iver it really helped me write this chapter. **

**I love reviews. You all know that so review please and thank you. Love you all. ;) **


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Okay mom this is another one of those chapters don't read this. Love you. **

**Okay so chapter 18 will be up later today but I thought instead of waiting I would post this one now and the other in a couple of hours so it will be a twofer. That being said I just wanted to say that I'm going to be taking a little bit of a break from Star Mile. And by little bit of a break I mean that chapter 19 won't be up for like another week and a half. I usually update like every 3-5 days and I wanted to let everyone know it may be a little longer than that this time.**

**The reason is this, when I'm creative my mind never shuts off and I lose sleep or sleep erratically and this is making me sick and I'm finding that my writing is suffering. I need to take a couple of days to sleep and to step away and come back refreshed. I hope everyone understands. I know it's not that long but I am a quick updater. **

**Saranic I say this every time but you really do restore my faith back in myself and I thank you for that. **

**Ashley you are probably asleep right now but it doesn't matter cause you've already read most of this chapter; lucky you being best friends with the writer. I'll see you in like 8 hours. **

**My ladies. Into. scrapes, Claire Bloom, Tuesday Jane, ARenee363, Lottie 2303 and TRDancer My love for you burns with the fire of a thousand suns.**

**Drkvctry thanks for listening to me rant again the other night. I appreciate that. That's when I wasn't sleeping and I was slowly losing my mind. Claire Bloom you as well. You have been listening to me rant all week.  
**

**Sorry this A/N is so long. So the beginning is light because I've pulled us all through the ringer lately and this is long overdue. Enjoy my sweets. **

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**EPOV**

I just stood there looking at her as she turned away from me and started looking at all the non perishables that my mother had stocked in here. Her skin looked soft and warm in the yellow haze of the forty watt bulb that swung above our heads. She reached her hands up to her ponytail and pulled out the elastic that held her hair up. Bella shook out her hair so that is flowed all curly down her back. She ran her hands through it a couple of times and then turned towards me.

She looked up at me through her lashes and walked towards me as she sniffled. I kept stepping back until I bumped into one to the shelves. I looked behind me as a box of cheese nips fell off the shelf and onto the floor. It didn't even phase her. She pushed herself up against me and started fixing my suit, making sure the lapel was right and that my collar was proper all the way around. She picked a piece on lint or hair or something off of it and then looked at me again. Her eyes were still red but she had managed to stop crying for the most part. Then she licked her lips and spoke. "I wanna thank you for what you did for me today."

I shook my head as I stood there not really being able to move. "Bella it wasn't a problem. You don't have to thank me." My heart was racing. What the hell was she doing?

"You knew that that would make me cry. You knew I needed to cry and you did what need to be done so I could have my release and I thank you for that." She had both of her hands pressed flat against my chest. She started rubbing my chest lightly looking away from me rather than at my face. She then she took her right hand and slid it up to my shoulder. From my shoulder she slid her hand to the back of my neck and up through my hair until her palm was on the crown of my head. Her body was now pressed into mine as she stood on her tip toes and looked up at me. She started applying pressure to the top of my head, pushing it down closer to her mouth. I snaked my arms around her waist and welcomed this regardless if it wasn't what I was expecting. She didn't want to talk at all, the saucy little minx, she came in here to get a piece.

I didn't think that this was a good idea, she was in an extreme stage of grief and it was forcing her to go in all different directions. She was trying to drown out her grief with pleasure and I wasn't sure that that would help her in any way. We also haven't had 'the talk.' Were her and Jasper done? She didn't tell me if she chose me or if she had even chosen yet. It was all so confusing. On top of that Charlie's death is a whole other level to that. We shouldn't be doing this; at least not yet, but then her lips touched mine and I was lost.

Fuck it. She didn't tell me she chose me, but it was practically radiating off of her. She was mine. She kissed me lightly; just a peck and parted and looked at me. Her eyes were on fire and I knew that this was going to be bad. I wasn't going to be able to stop myself once this started; this was the first kiss really. The first time I didn't have to worry about anybody finding out, the first kiss that wouldn't kill her with guilt. This was our first kiss together even though neither of us had labelled us as together.

I lowered my head and picked her up slightly so I wouldn't have to crane my neck down so far and kissed her again, as sweetly and softly as the first. We kissed like this for some time. Just little pecks as we pushed our bodies into one another knowing that we both thirsted for more. She grabbed onto my hair and tugged it a little as our kissing became more intense. I slid my hands down her back and cupped her ass lifting her up and wrapping her legs around my waist; it was easier to kiss her when she was my height. I moved my hands back up her back and used one of my hands to grab the back of her neck. My other hand grabbed a fist full of her hair, her shiny thick curls that had made their way over her shoulders and were now tickling my face.

She had taken my bottom lip in her mouth and was kissing and sucking on it now with more urgency than before, tugging on my hair. I could feel her chest heaving as she pressed her breasts against my chest. This was no good. I had to keep control; I couldn't let this get out of control. This wasn't good for her at least not right now. No. I'm stopping this, we are talking.

Then she parted from me panting ever so slightly and threw her head back and moaned my name. "Edward."

I was hard. That was all it took, her saying my fucking name. Shit this was a bad place to do this. Anyone could walk in. My mother was in the kitchen. I don't want to think about my mother. Bella. Fuck it. I spun us around and pressed her up against the shelf and kissed her roughly darting my tongue in and out of her mouth. Her tongue came out and massaged mine. She tasted so fucking good, like honey a little. She was tugging on my hair which hurt but felt good all at the same time. I moaned into her mouth. This made her push her pelvis into mine and it was obvious that she felt my erection because she moaned back.

I moved my hands down the front of her dress and palmed one of her breast. She wiggled against me again and I parted my lips from hers and moved them along her jaw and down her neck. She leaned her head back to allow me to have better access. I made my way up and down her insanely long neck, licking and kissing and nibbling as she grinded into me, running her hands through my hair, throwing her head back as she quietly moaned and sighed and cooed.

I brought her lips back to mine and removed my hand from her breast to reach around her and unzip her dress. The material was getting in the way of the fondling and needed to be removed. Fucking women and their attire, a woman's will wasn't what was keeping men from getting with girls it was there fucking clothes. She leaned into me so that I could unzip it with more ease and she helped me as I pulled her dress down. She was of course wearing a bra, another obstacle, but the material was thin and the feeling was better for the both of us as I palmed both of her breasts; flicking her nipples through the soft, flimsy material of her bra.

She moved her hands from my hair to my shoulders and started to push my jacket off. I moved my hands again to help her remove the jacket and then they found their way back to her breasts. Her exquisite breasts. They weren't too big and weren't too small, just a little over a handful and they suited her body perfectly. I had to get her out of her bra.

She was loosening my tie and brought it up over my head and threw it behind me and went back into kiss me while I fumbled with her bra. I sucked with bras. They were fucking annoying and none of them undid the same way so it wasn't like I could practice. But I got this one; it came off rather easily and it made me smile. It was more proof that I was right; Bella and I were made for each other.

She helped me get her bra off and I slowly hovered my hands above them feeling the heat coming off her body. Bella had no patience and thrusted her chest at me and I palmed them; my warm skin on top of hers and she went about unbuttoning my shirt. She pushed my shirt off as far as she could as I took one of her breasts into my mouth licking and flicking her nipple with my tongue as she moaned quietly.

She pulled at my shoulder and brought me back up so that we were face to face again, kissing her like before running my tongue along her lips. Breathing in her flowery scent mixed with her strawberry shampoo. I lowered my hands and found the ends of her dress. I slowly pushed it up running my hands over her thighs that were warm and felt as close to silk as skin could get. I stopped when my fingers found her panties. I moved my hand over the material and up to the waistband that I began to finger.

She kissed me harder and moved so that it would be easier for me to pull them down. So I did what she was asking me to with her body and she moved her legs so that I could pull them off.

She didn't wrap her legs around me, instead she kicked of her shoes and placed her feet on the shelves so that her legs were spread. Fuck. This was too much for me and my cock pushed angrily against the inside of pants. I brought my hands down and ran my hands along the inside of her thighs that felt as smooth as silk, feeling the heat she was generating as I my hands moved closer and closer to her cunt. I took one hand and let my index and middle finger run lightly against her clit and down towards her opening sliding my fingers into her. She was warm and wet and smooth.

Her head lulled back as she moaned a little louder than before. I worked in and out of her, curling my fingers hoping that I was hitting her g-spot. I was good looking and that helped me get by, but I wasn't a stud. I knew enough about women and their girly parts, but really I had no idea what I was doing half the time.

She was grinding herself down on my fingers moving her hips around, licking her lips as her arms laid limply as her side. I continued to work my fingers rubbing her clit with my thumb as she started breathing quicker her chest heaving up and down, her nipples hard and pointed. She lifted her arms and grabbed my shoulders bringing herself forward.

She brought her lips to my ear and in a breathy whisper, still panting she whispered. "I want you to fuck me." She licked the lobe of my ear.

I stared at her as she leaned back. I took a moment and looked around at what was going on. I knew that I couldn't do what she was asking me to do. Did I want to have sex with Bella? Abso-fucking-lutely. But did I want to fuck her in my mother's pantry at her father's funeral? Absolutely not. I was in love with Bella. I loved her and the first time we were intimate I wanted it to be something special, something to remember. I wanted to make love to her. I didn't want to give her a pity fuck because she was upset that her father had just died. No. I was stopping this.

Well, I was going to stop it after she came. I worked my fingers quicker as her body trembled. "I'm coming, I'm coming." She repeated over and over only moments later. Her muscles tightened around my fingers and her back arched and then she kind of collapsed; I took my other hand and placed it on her back so she wouldn't hurt herself.

She looked over at me her eyes hooded with lust and she reached for my belt. "What are you waiting for?"

"I'm sorry Bella. I can't do this." I looked away her and removed my fingers from her.

Her face skewed in confusion. "What? Why?" She removed her hands from my belt and took my face in her hands.

I looked at her afraid to say what I really thought. I didn't want her to flip. I knew normally she wouldn't, but this was a special circumstance and she might break down. But if this was going to be a relationship, if she had picked me, then I wanted to be honest with her. "I don't think you are in the right emotional state for this. You're trying to suffocate your pain with pleasure." I paused to gage her reaction; her face didn't change. "I also don't want this to be the way our first time goes down." When did I become so sensitive? Oh yeah, it was when I fell in love.

She looked away from me and her face fell. "I thought this is what you wanted."

I sighed. "It is Bella." I looked down at her body. "My god, of course this is what I want. But I didn't spend all this time fighting for you just because I wanted to sleep with you." I put her down and started collecting her clothes. I handed them to her and rubbed the back of my neck. "Bella I wanna take you out on a date."

She stopped and looked at me like I had just given her the most shocking piece of news that she had ever received and then she smiled slightly. "You wanna take me out on a date?"

"Yeah Bells, you know, a movie and some dinner and then we hold hands and walk down the boardwalk and shit." I started doing up my shirt as she put her underwear back on.

She giggled a little. "Noble Edward Cullen has to take me on a date before he'll fuck me." She rubbed her face and linked her arms through the straps of her bra.

I stepped forward. "Bella, I don't even know if you have picked me. You haven't said it." I paused and looked away from her before looking back. "But for me, as much as I do want to sleep with you, this means more to me than just sex." I grabbed her hands, her bra still not on all the way. "Bella, I want to be with you regardless of what we are doing. If you are as horny as fuck or you don't want me to touch you, if you are constantly talking or not saying a word, awake or asleep, mad, sad, happy everything. I want to be with you all time just because you are who you are."

She looked at me and tears welled in her eyes. "God damn it Edward." She broke away from me as she wiped the tears off her face. She looked at me and walked towards me and threw her arms around my neck. "I picked you Edward." She whimpered slightly. "Jasper and I broke up yesterday." She parted and looked at me. "I want to be with you all the time too and I do want to go out on a date with you. I want to hold your hand and let everyone know that I'm yours and you're mine." She looked me in the eyes as tears fell from hers. "I love you Edward Cullen."

I smiled. "I love you Isabella Swan." I smoothed out her hair and kissed her lightly but passionately. I put her down and she did up her bra and started to pull her dress up and then the door opened.

It was Jake standing there with wide eyes. Bella and I looked at him. He laughed slightly. "This isn't where I parked my car."

Bella turned and I zipped up her dress. "Do you need something Jake?" I asked grabbing my tie and jacket off the floor.

"Your mom sent me in here to get crackers." He paused. "You are so lucky she sent me."

I laughed, so did Bella as she wiped tears away from her face.

He walked in and grabbed some crackers. "So you two are like together now?"

She looked at me and grabbed my hand. "Yeah Jake, we're together."

He nodded. "Cool." He paused. "Edward and Bella. Bella and Edward." What the fuck was he talking about? "B and E."

I looked over at Bella at the exact same moment. She was smiling slightly and her eyes were wide. "Bacon and eggs."

I grinned. "Breaking and entering."

Jake shook his head. "You guys are weird." He turned and walked out of the pantry.

I smiled and kissed her and led her out of the pantry and told her to wait while I went and washed my hands. I went to the bathroom and rubbed one out. There was no way I was going to be able to walk around after what just happened without some sort of release.

She was where left her when I came back and I kissed her again and grabbed her hand and led her into the kitchen. My mother was still there putting food on plates, talking, socializing, doing what she did best. She looked over at us and pulled Bella away from me. She whisper something to Bella that made her blush and she ran her hands through her hair and then looked back at me with an embarrassed look on her face. What did my mother say to her?

She walked into the living room heading for Rosalie and Emmett who were talking to my ex-girlfriends, Pippy Langdon and Angela Weber, when she was stopped the Monroe's, an elderly couple that lived two doors down from her. They began talking and she broke down like I figured she would but continued to answer their question through her tears.

I watched her as I leaned against the counter and popped a cherry tomato in my mouth. We had had 'the talk'. There was still so much to say but that would come. She loved me. She was mine and I was hers and that made me feel happier than I should be given my surroundings.

"Tuck in your shirt Edward for God sakes." My mother said pulling out a cutting board and slicing some bread beside me. "And fix your hair. If you and Bella are going to fool around in the pantry at least cover it up. You're both terrible at it."

I just stood there frozen staring at her, my face going the color of the tomato I just ate. That's why Bella looked embarrassed. She looked at me and laughed. "Edward a mother knows everything that goes on in her house. Why do you think I sent Jacob to get crackers?" She smiled and turned and put the bread in a basket.

She grabbed a piece of bread and leaned back on the counter with me while I stood there with my mouth still open. She looked up at me chewing. "So you won."

I looked down at her. "What?" I shook my head and registered what she said. "Yeah she picked me."

My mother smiled. "I'm glad." She stood there with her head down. "Charlie always used to talk about her. We talked about you guys a lot, Alice too. I always wanted to meet Bella." She looked up at her. Bella was now talking to the Henderson's, a really catholic family that was probably telling her to lean on Jesus. "I'm glad that you are with her that's all."

"I'm glad too ma." I put my arm around her. "Are you okay?"

"For now. When I'm alone later I won't be, but I'm too busy to be sad right now." She looked up at me and handed me the rest of her bread. "Go to her." She walked away and started talking to Leslie Simpson a stuck up bitch who thought her shit didn't stink.

I looked up and looked for Bella. She had made her way over to Rosalie and Emmett. She was standing over Pippy pointing at her. "This is Pippy Langdon." She mouthed to me like I didn't know. "She's really pretty. Wow." She mouthed again, looking slightly insecure. I looked down at Pippy; I guess she was pretty but not next to Bella.

I walked towards her with a bottle of water in my hand and handed it to her. "I thought you might be thirsty."

She looked over her shoulder at me. "Thank you." She craned her neck up and I lowered my head to kiss her.

"So you chose then." Said Rosalie looking as beautiful as ever. She managed to work wonders with her make-up and if it wasn't for the small bandage on her nose you would have never know it was broken.

"Yeah, I chose." She said looking up at me smiling through her tears, sliding her hand into mine.

"Good." She said crossing her arms. She looked pouty.

Bella sighed and let go of my hand and sat beside Rosalie. "I'm sorry Rose. It all happened so fast. I was going to tell you like right now anyway."

Rosalie paused for awhile and then gave her a sideways glance and then she smiled. "I know. I'm sorry. I'm a drama queen you know."

"I know." They both laughed and hugged and then gave each other a quick peck that aroused me when I knew it shouldn't have.

I looked over at Pippy and Angela who were still sitting on the sofa adjacent to the one Bella was sitting on. "Hey Pippy. Angela."

"Hello Edward." They both said in unison.

"You both look well."

"You too." They said at the same time again which weirded me out a little, and I looked away from them back to Rosalie and Bella that were whispering about something and then they both giggled. I sat down on the edge of the couch and absentmindedly fingered the ends of Bella's hair. I looked around the room. Where was Alice? More importantly where was Jasper? And I hadn't seen my dad since I got out of the car.

I didn't even notice that Bella had taken my hand and intertwined it with hers placing them on her lap. I looked down at her. She had her head resting against the back of the couch with her eyes closed. I leaned down and whispered in her ear. "Do you want to go get some fresh air?"

Her eyes flew open and she looked over at me. "Do you know what I really want?"

I looked around not sure what to say. Was this a rhetorical question? I shifted my eyes back and forth and then answered. "A Twinkie?"

Her eyes got wide. "Yes that and cigarettes."

I loved the way she thought. A cigarette sounded so good right now. "Okay go down the hallway past the pantry and down to the end of the hall and take a right. There is a door there it leads to the garage. There are some coats hanging up. Grab one of my mom's or Alice's and I will meet you outside in like two minutes." She nodded and kissed me before she headed towards the garage.

Fuck I really hoped we had Twinkies.

**BPOV**

I was so lucky that no one stopped me on the way to the garage. I was done with people asking me how I felt. It was a stupid question. My dad just died how do you think I felt?

I was feeling better though. I had cried and it felt like an enormous weight was off of me. I was dealing with his death. I got over wanting to be a shut in. I didn't mind being out now because Edward was beside me holding my hand. I let the tears flow freely whenever I felt them coming, if something reminded me of Charlie or anything in general made me sad.

I tried to drown that a little with Edward in the pantry. I really didn't want to talk to him about anything when I pulled him in there. I wanted sex. I wanted another feeling and I got. If Jasper got ten points for his fingers then Edward got a hundred. I was still tingling.

And then he sprung all that I want to be with you all the time, and I want our first time to be special stuff on me and I felt like such a whore for rushing into it. I was glad he stopped us. I wanted the first time we had sex to mean something too, and I was glad we still had the chance to do that.

I hadn't seen Jasper since I abandoned him at the door. This concerned me and I kept my eyes peeled for him as I walked through the kitchen, past Esme who luckily had her back turned, and down the hallway. I did not want a repeat of the conversation we had earlier when she called me out for fooling around with her son in her pantry. That was fucking embarrassing. I think she was trying to be cool, but it just embarrassed the shit out of me.

I got to the end of the hallway and went right. I saw the coats that Edward was talking about and I grabbed one hoping that it was Esme's. I put it on and opened the door and walked into the garage.

The garage door was open and there was shitty lounge room jazz playing. I looked around and saw Carlisle sitting in a red Porsche with a glass of what looked like scotch or whiskey in his hand.

I let go of the door and it slammed behind me causing me to jump and Carlisle to snap his head up. I just stood there and started at him. "Sorry Mr. Cullen, I didn't know you were in here." I played with the ends of the jacket nervously. I had never spoken to him and Edward told me he was an asshole; he wasn't that friendly at the funeral.

"Bella." He got out of the car and walked towards me. "Isabella Swan."

I walked down the stairs so I was standing on the floor. It was eerie how much he looked like Edward and because of the funeral they were dressed the same.

"I'm sorry about your dad Bella." He stared at me.

His voice was flat and his eyes were dead. He didn't mean what he had just said. He didn't care that my dad was dead, but I was polite anyway. "Thank you." I walked around the Porsche so I was closer to the outside and my back was turned to him.

"I can see why he likes you." Carlisle called out behind me. I turned back to him. He was walking towards me. "You're very beautiful."

He stood a little too close to me. I cocked my head a little. The tone in his voice made it feel like he was hitting on me. "Excuse me?" I asked furrowing my brow.

"You're a very beautiful girl. You turned out well considering." He reached his hand up and took a lock of my hair between his index and middle finger.

I pulled my hair way from him and took a step back. I wanted to get out of here but I knew I just couldn't walk away. "Considering what?"

He stared up at me through his lashes sipping his drink that was clearly scotch; he reeked of it and it was becoming more apparent that he was drunk. When he did speak he did it slowly with a slur. He took another step closer to me and brushed his hand against mine. He ignored my question. "What do you see in my son anyway? You two are together right or you have a little thing for him or something?" He was talking about Edward like he was dirt, like he couldn't have any worse of a son than the one he had.

"I don't really think that's any of your business." I said moving away from him again.

"Hmm." He said looking at his car and then back up at me. He took another sip of his drink. "I meant it when I said earlier that you are very beautiful."

I kept backing up; he was hitting on me. My heart was racing. The thing was I couldn't tell if he was kidding; it didn't seem like he was. He kept coming towards me and I kept stepping back.

"Come on Bella, what do you say?" He downed his drink and placed the glass on the back of the Porsche.

"What?" I couldn't believe this was happening. He was asking me to have sex with him. "Carlisle, please get away from me." I started balling my fists wondering how hard I could hit him if I had to. I guess the knee to the groin would work, but I wasn't thinking clearly and I was fucking scared of him.

Where was Edward?

He smiled at me. "I won't tell Edward, I promise." He made a scout's honour motion with his hand.

Why was he such a fucking creeper? "Carlisle please stay away from me." Why the fuck was I saying please. I looked over and saw an empty twenty-sixer of the scotch he was drinking and knew that his judgement was ridiculously impaired.

I hit a wall and he pushed himself up against me. "Come on Bella, your mother was a whore. Let's see if it runs in the family." I couldn't move. I was literally glued to the spot. There was no way this was happening. I didn't want to cry, but I couldn't help it. I felt like an idiot that I couldn't protect myself, but my muscles were stiff and felt locked. He started to push the coat I was wearing off my shoulders. My chest was heaving with my panic. "Did your mother ever tell you about me? I fucked her a couple of time in high school but who didn't." He laughed a little and leaned in and smelled me.

He placed his hands on my waist. "Edward seems to think your worth a lot of trouble. Let's see if he's right."

And then he was gone. I opened my eyes to see Edward's fist connect with his jaw. Carlisle stumbled back onto the driveway. I stood there watching them, wrapping the jacket around me.

Edward grabbed Carlisle again and hit on the side of his head by his eye and then punched him in the kidney's a few times and Carlisle fell to the ground."What the fuck is the matter with you?" Edward kicked him in the stomach and he rolled over on his back.

Edward walked towards me and rubbed his hands against my arms. "Are you okay?"

I looked at him and nodded my head. I was okay. It could have been a lot worse and really nothing happened. I was creeped out above all things. He brought me into his chest and hugged me. "I'm so sorry Bella. I should have know he would've been out here."

Edward parted from me and walked back over to Carlisle. He grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and started pulling him up. "Get up Carlisle." Carlisle stood and Edward pushed him against the side of the Cadillac. He pressed his arm in to Carlisle's neck and Carlisle turned his head and looked at me; blood all over his face.

"Hey." Edward called out at him, but he stared at me. "Hey." He grabbed his jaw and forced Carlisle to look at him. "Listen to me." Edward spoke slowly. "You don't look at her, you don't touch her, you don't think about her, do you understand?"

Carlisle stared at Edward. "You're not afraid of me anymore." He slurred. Edward shook his head and Carlisle narrowed his eyes. "What did she tell you? Your mother. What did say to you?"

Edward let go of him and Carlisle stumbled forward slightly. "She told me something I already knew, that you're an asshole." Edward paused and took in a deep breath of air. "Now fuck off." He turned and walked towards me.

"You think this is over Edward? Get back here." Carlisle raised his fists.

Edward rolled his eyes and walked back towards him. Before Carlisle could even swing his arm Edward punched him in the face twice, once in the stomach and then kicked him again once he fell over. Carlisle did not get back up.

Edward came towards me and cupped my face in his hands. "Are you okay?" I nodded still crying and he kissed me. He brought me to his chest and wrapped his arms around me again. I was shaking.

Christ couldn't I get a fucking break? I had Edward but come on.

"Why would he do that?" I couldn't understand why Carlisle was so unhappy. He had everything. What was he so angry about?

"My father is an immature man child that is still holding grudges from high school." He was stroking my hair. "He envies his son and his wife is in love with someone else and even though he won't admit it. I know he is completely indifferent to Alice. He leads a shit life that's completely empty of anything that means anything." He rested his lips on my hairline. "He fills his life with stuff; obviously."

I looked up at him. "I don't understand." He pulled me around to the side of the house. I looked back at Carlisle who was shifting slightly. "Shouldn't we call an ambulance or something?"

Edward shook his head. "No, we'll do it later." We sat down on a bench that was against his house. "My mother told me that my father wishes he could be more like me. He always wanted to be one of the cool kids and he never was. So he puts me down because he's angry that I have the one thing he always wanted." He paused and put his arm around me. "He has never gone this far before. I guess he just wanted to take what was mine." He took two cigarettes out of the pack and lit them both and handed me one.

I inhaled deeply and I felt it instantly calm my nerves. Oh nicotine my sweet, sweet mistress. "What a douchebag." I couldn't believe that Carlisle really was that big of an asshole. I always secretly thought that maybe Edward was over exaggerating; boys tend to have problems with their fathers, but he wasn't kidding.

"That's what I said." He took out some Twinkies and handed me one.

I took a bite and sighed in pleasure. Sugar was my other mistress. I was in the middle of a threesome with sugar and nicotine. "We should take his Porsche and Ferris Bueller the shit out of it." I said taking some of the cream on my fingering and licking it off. I looked over at Edward who was looking at my mouth. I leaned in and kissed him. "We are stealing that Porsche."

He laughed. "Okay." He inhaled and shook his head. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. Just kick the shit out of him." He smiled slightly then his brow furrowed. "You have no idea how much better I feel." He ran his hand through his hair. His knuckles were all bloody.

I grabbed his hand. "Look at your hands." He put his cigarette in his mouth and gave me his other hand. The skin was peeling lightly. He had hit Carlisle fucking hard.

He shrugged. "It was worth it."

In a weird, crazy, mixed up way I was kind of glad that what happened had happened. Edward finally told his father what was what. He was vindicated. He no longer felt trapped by his father and I'm glad that he had that now. Even if he got it in a way that I didn't entirely approve of; this fight, the fight between him and his father seemed justified. I was fine. It was unpleasant but nothing really happened to me and in the end it helped the man I was in love with.

We sat in silence for a second. "You said that your mom was in love with someone else. What is that all about?"

He lowered his head and looked away from me. He took a drag and looked in the direction opposite me. This told me that what he was about to tell me concerned me. He rubbed his lips. "Did your dad ever tell you that him and my mom dated in high school?"

I shook my head and took another drag. I wasn't really shocked by what he said. I was trying to figure out Esme's connection to my father and I figured it was something like that.

"Yeah from like seventh grade to like the beginning of grade twelve. That was when your mom came to town." He paused. "So your dad and my mom broke up and he married Renee and my mom married Carlisle."

I just stared at him. I knew where this was going and it made me sad.

"My mom never really got over your dad and when your mom left with you it's not like Charlie could go back. But with Carlisle gone all the time and loneliness tearing at the both of them they reconnected. And my mom fell in love with Charlie all over again and him her."

I looked away from him. That's whose lipstick was on that cigarette. Esme was my dad's girlfriend. I started crying again. It was sad to me; two people finally find each other again after the mistakes that they made only to have one ripped away from the other. "Were they having an affair?" I looked over at him again.

He shook his head. "No but they were going to. I think they were just talking a lot; getting reacquainted with one another." He looked down at me and responded when he realized that I was crying. "Bella." He raised his hand to brush away a tear.

"I'm sorry. It's just so sad. Everything was coming together for him, he had a girl, he had his friends, he had me and then he's just gone. It just so unfair; for your mother too."

He pulled me in so that my head was resting on his chest and his chin was resting on my head. "I know."

We sat in silence again for awhile and smoked a few cigarettes. "My dad left me half a million dollars and his house."

Edward separated us and looked down at me, shock all over his face. "What?"

"Yeah half a million dollars, I can't even comprehend that. I think the most I had in my bank account at one time was like four hundred dollars." I wiped away some of my tears that were starting to die down.

"Holy shit." He paused. "What are you going to do with it?"

"Save most of it I guess. Pay for school and go to Europe." I looked at him.

"When?"

"This summer."

"Oh." He sounded so disappointed.

I laughed. "Well I need someone who knows Europe to come with me, and I think that someone is you."

"You are going to take me to Europe?" He sounded like this baffled him.

I shrugged like I didn't care. "Yeah guess. I can't go alone; I have to bring someone with me." I looked away from him flipping my hair over my shoulder.

I could feel him getting closer to me and then his face was beside mine. I looked over at him; he was grinning like a fool. "This is going to be fun. I've always wanted to kiss the girl I loved at the bottom of the Eiffel Tower and now I'm gonna get to." I smiled and he smiled back; his eyes shifting back and forth. "I feel like we've been together for years. How can something be this easy?"

"I know what you mean." I kissed him.

I heard the door in the garage slam shut and then Esme's concerned voice. "Carlisle!" We both looked over to the front of the house where Esme's voice came from.

I looked over at Edward who stood immediately grabbing my hand and pulling me with him, but in the other direction further in the back yard. Then I heard Jasper yell. I stopped and he pulled on my arm and looked back at me. "I heard Jasper." I said looking at him with concern. He stared at me and let go of my hand. I turned away from him and lightly jogged towards the back of the house.

I knocked right into Jasper as he came around the corner. He immediately raised his arms to catch me as I stumbled backwards. I opened my eyes and looked at him. He was breathing heavily and his face was riddled with anger. When he knew I was okay he walked past me. I turned to follow him. "Jasper." I ran to catch up with him and I stopped in front of him grabbing his hands; he finally stopped and looked at me.

"What Bella?" He was fucking pissed. His words dripped with anger as his eyes fluttered over my face.

"What happened?" I was genuinely curious.

"Nothing. I just need to be alone." He pulled his hands from mine and walked past me swiftly into the house. I followed him.

I managed to catch his hand again as he swung it back; he turned immediately to face me. "Bella I know you're trying to be my friend, but right now I need you to leave me alone. I promise I will tell you everything later, just not right now."

I could literally feel the heat radiating off of him. I followed him up a flight of stairs. "Jasper please." He walked into a room that had coats tossed on the bed and started looking through them.

"Can I have the keys to your house?"

"How are you going to get to my house?"

"I'm gonna walk." He grabbed his coat and turned towards me. "Keys."

"That's like ten miles."

"It's enough time for me to clear my head. Keys." His voice was flat, but I could hear the panic behind it.

I started looking through the coats looking for mine. I kept looking up at him. He threw his head back and sighed. "Bella, I swear I'm not going to do anything stupid, I just need to get out of here."

I found my coat and reached into the pocket and gave him my keys. He walked past me. "Why don't you go to your house?" He turned and looked at me. I shook my head and tried to back track realizing how rude this sounded. "I mean you haven't been home since you got back here."

"My home isn't the most welcoming of places." He took a step towards me. "I feel comfortable at your house." He stepped towards me again and kissed me on the cheek. "I'll see you later Bells, thanks." He walked out of the room and the sounds of his steps got quieter until they mixed with the sound of the crowd downstairs.

I sat down on the bed. What the fuck happened? He obviously talked to Alice. Whatever she said upset him deeply and this made me mad. I stood, clenched my fists and told myself that I was going to find Alice Cullen and kick her ass.

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**Okay can I say in this chapter that Edward and Jacob are explosions of adorable and cute. And I know that I ripped off Eurotrip I just figured it was a movie that Jacob would love and quote. **

**Oh and when Edward kicked the shit out of Carlisle I was like fuck yeah, pumping my fist in the air like a fucking idiot. I wrote it for god sakes and I was still like fuck yeah. Could I say fuck anymore?**

**The next chapter is JPOV. Yes Jasper's POV. I thought it was important to have the Alice conversation take place through his eyes. It will be up later. **

**Charley Cullen. You were my first male reader. You have to understand that unless you identify yourself as male I assume that you are all women. I'm sorry about that. **

_**Pink Moon**_** by **_**Nick Drake**_** and **_**Creature Fear**_** by **_**Bon Iver**_** helped me write this chapter. Download these songs. **

**Thanks to everyone for reading and a hello to all my new readers. I love you all and I thank you all so much for reading and reviewing. **

**Review please. I love the reviews you all know that. ;)**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Sorry that this wasn't the same day my brother is a douche and I didn't have access to a computer with an internet connection but it's up now. **

**This is only Jasper's POV. **

**Everything else will follow later. I wanted his first POV to be an isolated event and I think there maybe another one coming. **

**My ladies you know who you are I love you.**

**Ashley you've already read this and you seemed to like it which leads me to believe that I made the right choice with the story line. **

**Okay the first JPOV.**

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**JPOV**

Bella was going to leave me. She had already left me, well actually I had left her, but I wasn't going to be a baby about this. I didn't want to make this day about me; this was about her and her dad. She told me she wanted to look around the house but I knew what she really meant. "You mean you need to find Edward." Why was she trying to protect me? I loved her and it was hard to know that she was going to be with my old friend, but I was thinking about other things right now.

She laughed. "Yeah, that's what I mean."

I smiled to let her know it was okay to leave me even though I wasn't sure if I would make it out of here alive on my own. I leaned in and kissed her forehead and walked away from her.

I walked into the Cullen's sitting room and decided to talk to the first person I laid eyes on; this person was Lauren Mallory holding her child.

I needed a distraction. I had walked into the lair of the holder of my addiction. The whole house reeked of her and she didn't even live here anymore. Seeing her at the funeral had been excruciating and if she had stayed in front of me any longer than she had I probably would have passed out. Bella had made it easier and I felt bad for almost breaking her hand.

I approached Lauren. She looked old and tired and any beauty she had in high school had faded. Her blonde hair looked stringy and made her pale skin look washed out and sickly. She was way too thin and her clothes were too big for her. I couldn't really remember what she looked like in high school, she was around because she was with Edward but that's the only reason I remember her. In high school I only ever remember looking at one girl, a girl with hair that looked and felt like black satin.

"Hello Lauren." I said smiling, hoping that it looked convincing.

"Hey Jasper." She smiled widely but it did nothing for her features. I then remembered her more clearly now because of her voice. Her high, shrill voice that made me wish I was deaf every time she spoke. I wish I could have walked away, but I knew that I couldn't.

"How are you?" She had a drink in her hand. I wasn't looking at it but I could smell it. It was scotch, single malt and it was expensive.

"Good." I lied. "And you?"

"I'm chasing this little rugrat around." She tickled the child with the hand holding the drink, she laughed. "Aren't I? Aren't I?" She was talking to the child who was giggling.

I had to say something about the infant, but I couldn't tell if it was a girl or a boy so I went with what I thought was right. "He's adorable." I said smiling as convincingly as I could but the truth was the kid was fucking hideous. I had never seen a baby that ugly before.

She grinned with the pride of a mother who thought their kid was perfect just because it was alive.

"What's his name?"

"Keith."

That's unfortunate. Come on Lauren give the kid a chance. I was trying to remember who this kid's father was. She cheated on Edward with him. Crowley? "That's a nice name."

She lifted her hand holding the glass to her lips and sipped. I watched as the amount of liquor decreased and then shifted my gaze to her hand. She had a wedding band on. "Who's the lucky guy?" How was she buying this shit?

"Oh I'm Mrs. Mike Newton now." Mike Newton. Right that kid was a douche bag but he sold good weed.

Fuck I felt sorry for this kid. I felt sorry for Lauren. No one should have to spend a large amount of time with Newton. I was his lab partner in tenth grade biology and he annoyed me so much with his stories of how much of a 'stud' he was, I 'accidently' set him on fire. 'Luckily' they got the fire out before he was injured.

"How's that going?" I asked looking away from her seeing if I knew anybody else here. I knew everyone; it was a small town.

"I think he's cheating on me with that slut Angela Weber."

"Okay." I said in shock backing up slightly rubbing the back of my neck. She must lack friends and just dumps her problems on people that never really liked her in high school.

She took another sip of her scotch and I wondered if her drinking was a good idea while holding a child. What if she dropped him? On the other hand that might improve the kid's situation. "What does she have that I don't?"

She stared at me waiting for an answer. Fuck this shit I'm walking away. "Lauren."

"Yeah."

"I'm gonna walk away from you, but it was kind of nice to see you." I turned and saw Alice in the foyer, so I turned again and walked into the kitchen. I wasn't in any mood to be nice to anyone with the exception of Bella. I passed the pantry and turned the corner and there was Esme. I was going to be nice to her too.

Jacob was standing with her helping her fish pickles out of a jar. I ran my eyes up and down Mrs. Cullen. Beautiful, leggy, well endowed Mrs. Cullen. My god. When I was a teenager I was happy to be in this house just for Alice or to hang out with Edward, but if Esme was around I would drop shit to watch her pick it up. How many dreams had I had about Esme? Too many and usually Alice was there. It was rare to find a mother as hot as the daughter and it was always one of my fantasies.

I walked up beside Jacob and smiled; this smile was genuine. I was always happy to see Esme. She was just a good person. "Hello Esme." We had briefly spoken at the funeral but not much. I knew she would want to see me. Esme always liked me.

"Oh Jasper!" She moved past Jacob and hugged me. I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed. "I'm so glad you came. I was afraid that you wouldn't." She went back around and started arranging cheese on a plate.

"Well I couldn't leave you to do this all on your own. What do need help with?" I took off my jacket and rolled up my sleeves until I saw my scars and knew that they would upset her, so I rolled them back down.

"Oh sweetie you don't need to help, Jake is all the help I need." She said smiling patting his forearm. "I'm just getting some snacks ready before the caterers are ready to serve the real food. You're welcome to watch though." She said looking up at me smiling sweetly.

I grinned. I've heard her say that before but it was in a very different context; I was also asleep.

Mrs. Cullen making food when she had hired caterers; it was so Esme, she didn't trust anybody to do the job she hired them to do. The caterers were setting up in the next room, I could hear them clanking and making noise.

I put my suit jacket back on and watched as Jacob fished the last pickle out of the jar and ate it. He placed the fork on the counter and looked at me. "Hey Jazz."

'Hey Jake." I smiled. I liked Jake. He was a good guy with a good head on his shoulders. His problem was that he was friends with Edward and that got him into trouble. Jake was too nice to keep up with Edward; not like me. He looked down at the fork then to Esme then to me. I furrowed my brow.

He knocked the fork off the counter and kicked it a little. "Darn it." He threw his arms up in the air. "Mrs. Cullen I am so sorry I dropped the fork on the ground." He shot me a look and grinned.

I smiled. The force was strong in this one.

"Let me get it." He started to bend over all half assed.

Esme put her hand up and shook her head. "No, no Jake I'll get it." She bent over and Jake took a step back and we watch as her perfect ass press against her expensive looking dress. She stood and turned to put it in the dishwasher, she bent again and gave us a perfect view of her breasts. I stuck my fist out and Jake bumped mine with his. Well done good sir, well done.

Gravity had been kind to Esme Cullen and I was still finding ways to reap the benefits of that. She sighed and looked at me. "How are you Jasper?"

"I'm alright." I was feeling better now that I was talking to her; she had a very calming effect over me.

"I'm glad you are feeling better. Edward told me what happened to you, why you have…" She trailed and made a quick motion to her face. She seemed embarrassed for bringing up my scars and went the lightest shade of pink. "I'm sorry, I'm just glad you are getting better." She turned and looked at Jake. "Jacob sweetie can you go get me some crackers from the pantry please?"

"Sure thing Mrs. Cullen." And off he went.

Esme looked back at me and placed her hand on top of mine. "Jasper, I know she wants to talk to you."

I stared at her. "Who Alice?"

She nodded. "She's your soul mate, you know that. She just made a mistake." Did Esme know the real reason why Alice left? Her tone implied it.

I slowly pulled my hand away from hers. I knew she was her mother, but I wasn't alright with this. Her 'mistake' had fucked up my life and now I was a recovering alcoholic left with scars on the in and outside. "I don't know Esme; I don't know if I'm ready for that." It was the truth. I didn't know; a part of me was telling me to talk to her and get the closure I needed, but another part of me was telling me that if I talked to her everything would get much worse.

"Just give her a chance Jasper." She stared at me sympathetically and then turned towards Jacob as he handed her a box of crackers. I slowly backed away from her and walked out through the side door out to the backyard.

It had changed since the last time I had been here. There was a new garden of some sort and there was a gazebo, so I walked towards that. It was fucking freezing outside and as I was stepping up onto the hard, expensive looking wood I wished I made the trip upstairs to find my coat.

I sat there looking into the forest that backed their house. I felt like shit. What a shitty couple of days. What a shitty couple of years. I had broken up with Bella. That fucking sucked. As fucked up as I was and no matter how much I may always love Alice, I thought Bella was the girl I could love the most after Alice. She could never be Alice but she could be exactly what I needed, the girl I could marry and have kids with. The girl that stuck by me after everything I put her through and loved me regardless of the ridiculous amounts of flaws I had. But that was not my fate.

I broke up with Bella because I knew she couldn't do it. For some reason she felt like she owed me something. Like if she left me I would fall apart. For all I knew I may very well fall apart. I knew she loved Edward more than me, I saw it that day in the bar and I saw it yesterday after her mother left and he knew her better. He knew that's how she was going to react; he knew her better than me and I had known her a year longer than him. I was a shitty boyfriend and ending it with her so that she could hold his hand guilt free was the least I could do.

I couldn't blame her for falling in love with Edward. The guy was fucking loveable. I knew that I was going to forgive him for all of this eventually because regardless of everything I loved him more than a friend; he was my fucking family. I think that was why the Bella situation hurt so much. He was there for me always, whenever I needed him and then I fucked him over. I left him in fucking Europe and then cut him out of my life; I guess we were even now.

But I knew that this all would pass; Edward was just like that when he really wanted something. He got tunnel vision and went for it and it didn't matter what he knocked over to get it, just as long as he had it at the end. He knew he could always go back and clean it up later. He always did and everyone always forgave him because he had killer bone structure and dreamy eyes and could talk his way in or out of anything.

That was the thing about family in the end; regardless of your differences you always came back to them because your heart was always where ever your family was, even if your family didn't always share the same DNA.

And I wasn't lying when I told Bella that I need to find myself. I was kind of a person, sort of. I knew that I couldn't decide anything for myself. Someone always made, in one way or another, my choices for me, but I finally made one. I chose to break up with Bella. I could have waited it out and waited for her to break up with me, but I decided to let her go because it was the right thing.

I always just liked what everyone told me to like. I liked movies but had no favourites. I liked food but didn't have a favourite dish, I didn't even have a favourite color. I had no religious or political stance. I just liked whatever my friends or girlfriends liked. I was impartial to everything and that was a problem. I needed to go out and figure out who I was and decide what I loved, what I hated and what I just simply liked.

But I had figured out what music I liked, I went through all types, country, jazz, bluegrass, rock, alternative and I discovered that I had a great love for eighties hair metal. _Poison_, _Motley Crue_, _Whitesnake_, _Van Halen_ and _Guns n' Roses_; I fucking loved it. That and _The Smiths_ but that was because they were very easy to identify with when you were a troubled, suicidal youth. My musical selection was a start. I always listen to whatever Bella or Edward or Alice or Emmett was playing, but I never really liked it, it was just easier to agree.

I shifted and bumped into a gnome that was sitting beside the bench. A pack of cigarettes fell over that looked like they had been strategically placed there. I picked them up; they must be Edward's but they weren't his brand. I didn't know much about Edward these days and it was very likely that he switched. I opened the pack and counted how many there were and took one out and stuck it in my mouth. Fuck it. A cigarette was not a drink and it wasn't going to make me relapse. I was having a shitty week and I was going to have a release in this one simple pleasure.

Nicotine.

I lit it and inhaled in sweet satisfaction. I used to smoke all the time and forgot how much I loved it till right now. I smoked a pack a day in high school and Alice hated it but didn't complain about it much because she said I reminded her of James Dean when I wore my leather jacket and had a cigarette hanging out of my mouth.

We would hang out behind the back of the school because it was Forks and we couldn't go anywhere else. We would drink and get high and smoke cigarettes. We would never get caught because Charlie always knew we were there and would always let us be. He was either the shittiest or the coolest cop ever. I'd like to think it was the latter. I would do this with my best friend and the girl I loved and high school was a breeze. I couldn't understand why anyone could hate high school. I always had everything I ever wanted in high school.

I sat there actually starting to welcome the cold when I heard a familiar voice call my name. "Jasper."

I went rigid. I used to get up in the morning for that voice but it now cut through me like a knife; it was a pain in my side and I turned my head slightly to see Alice's small figure standing to my left. I had taken in all of her changes when I saw her earlier at the funeral. Her hair had gotten longer and she had dyed it back to its original color - jet black. In high school it was always a different color, but I always liked it when it was black and short. Her hair was always short and she was always styling it all different ways. Whatever color she chose always looked beautiful. I hated that I thought that. She looked a little more tired than I remember, but her skin was still the color of ivory and looked as smooth as marble. Her lips were pinched red and I knew she hadn't been able to get over her bad habit of biting her lips.

I said nothing; I just watched as she came around the gazebo and walked up the three steps and closed the space between us sitting on the bench beside me.

We sat there for awhile and said nothing. I put out my cigarette and placed the butt at my feet and opened the pack and took out another one. "Can I have one?"

I looked over at her slowly and she looked back at me with a hopefully look on her perfect, pale face as she bit her bottom lip nervously. I place another cigarette in my mouth and lit both of them and passed her one. She took it from me between two of her long slender fingers and took a long first inhale and blew the smoke out her nose.

I eyed her. "Since when do you smoke?"

She looked over at me. "A lot of things have changed since the last time we spoke, Jasper."

I took a drag off of my cigarette. "Yes they have."

I felt her cold fingers drag across the scar the ended just below my ear. "Do they hurt?"

What a fucking stupid question. "They did, but not anymore."

"Oh." She nodded and took another drag while looking at her lap.

"How's your boyfriend?" I wanted to know and I wanted to make her feel uncomfortable because I knew she didn't want to talk about anything that may cause us to fight, but now that she was here I wanted to fight.

"What boyfriend?" She said turning her head to look at me quickly; her hair flipping around sending the smell of the shampoo she had used since the day I met her my way. A million memories fluttered in my mind.

The one that vividly came to mind was when she told me she loved me for the first time. We were standing outside and it was the first day of winter and four days before Christmas. I was staying with them because my parents went to the Cayman's like they always did and I didn't want to go. It had just snowed for the first time that year and Esme, Edward, Alice and I decided to go outside and enjoy. I remember I was throwing snow at Alice and she was throwing it back at me until she was so close to me. I had pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly. Her hair was styled into a sleek bob and was blonde. I remember I lowered my head so that my lips were resting on the part in her hair just before it reached the crown and I inhaled and she whispered so quietly I almost didn't hear her, "I love you Jasper Roberts." I looked down at her and told her I loved her too and then we kissed. We were rudely interrupted when Edward chucked a snowball at us and told us to get a room. I was fifteen.

I snapped out of my daze and continued with my questions. "James was it?" I looked away from her and took another inhale. My heart was about to beat out of my chest. I was so fucking nervous. I was happy that I was smoking because it was calming my nerves slightly, giving the impression that I wasn't as nervous as I was.

She laughed a sarcastic cynical laugh. "James was never my boyfriend. He was just some guy that I had a thing with and he turned out to be an asshole. I told you he was my boyfriend in hopes that you would really start to move on if you knew I had."

"That's fucking stupid." Why would she do that? This girl had a strange thought pattern; she always had. I felt good that James had fucked her over; I hoped it hurt her. Then I felt bad because as much as she had hurt me, I never wanted to see her in pain.

"Yeah well." She shrugged and took another drag.

We were silent again only for a couple of minutes before I decided to go for it. "Why did you leave?"

"I got into school." She wouldn't look at me.

"Why didn't you want me to come with you?"

"I told you when I left."

"You mean you lied."

"Fuck you Jasper. You cannot tell me what I felt." She shook her head and looked away from me.

"Fuck me? Alice are you honestly going to sit there and tell me that you stopped loving me? That you still don't love me now?" She didn't say anything as I stared at her throwing my cigarette out onto the lawn. "Now why did you break up with me?"

She was silent for about a minute and then spoke, still not looking at me. "I wanted to know if I could be myself without you."

She wanted independence? "You wanted independence?" I asked her still confused because I didn't feel like that was the actually reason.

She nodded and put the cigarette out beside her.

"Why didn't you just say that?" I couldn't understand the big production she put on when she left. "I would have let you go."

"No you wouldn't have." She looked at me, her eyes turning like the sea right before a storm. "Honestly Jasper you're telling me that you would have been cool with just letting me go. If I told you I need to take a break you would have just said okay."

I looked away from her. She was right I wouldn't have been able to take a break. Let her go and not phone her; leave her alone constantly worrying if she was with someone else. I wouldn't have been able to handle it. She wanted her independence and she did what she had to do to get what she wanted. But on the other hand she was in a relationship with me and being in a relationship meant that you had to think about the other person and she just thought about herself. "But you still loved me when you left?"

"Of course I did."

"So you made a decision with no concern for me. You were like, 'Fuck Jasper. I need my independence. I don't care if he can't handle it or if he falls apart or fucks up all his relationships or becomes an alcoholic, or mutilates and tries to kill himself, I need my independence.'" I stood and turned to look at her. Her head was down and I heard her whimper; she was crying.

I should have stopped but I kept going because I had these things spinning in my head and I needed to get them out. "I was drinking and doing coke all the live long day because I needed to numb myself because the thought of life without you in it was far too painful." I stopped and placed my hand on my hip and looked away from her, rubbing my lip. "I think you're full of shit still. I think there's something else. You wouldn't have just left if you still loved me but needed your independence. You could have that with me there especially if we were in New York." I stared at her as she slowly raised her head and looked at me. Her look confirmed my suspicions.

"So why Alice why did you leave?" I was getting loud; I was yelling at her. "Huh? Did you find a new guy? Was it James?" I was talking with my hands. "Was your little old boyfriend Jasper not cool enough for the big city? Were you embarrassed of me?" I was acting like an asshole but I was fucking furious. This was two and a half years of pent up aggression coming out as word vomit.

She was shaking her head her hair billowing around her head like black curtains.

"What was it Alice? Huh, why? Why did you-"

"I was pregnant." She shouted, cutting me off the unadulterated anger on her face turning quickly to regret. She looked away from me and her tears turning into sobs.

I couldn't move. Everything in my mind stopped working and all I could do was turn those three words around in my mind. She was still shaking her head and her tiny little face was all red and blotchy and her chest was heaving like mine.

I sputtered out the only word that seemed appropriate. "What?"

She wiped the tears off her face and composed herself enough to speak. "I found out a week before graduation and I didn't know what to do. I had been keeping Julliard a secret because I didn't know if I wanted to go. There were so many variables, but I didn't want to write it off or jinx it by telling anyone. And that stupid fucking line turned pink and everything changed." Her mascara was running down her face but in short amount of time her sobs had subsided and she was justifying what she had done. Like I would be crazy to be mad at her after this explanation. "I couldn't have the baby, I just couldn't. I lived to dance and Julliard wanted me so I did what I had to do. I was eighteen and I was scared and I knew I couldn't stay here. I couldn't end up like her, like my mother." Her eyes were burning into me as she shouted, her voice sounding like a lullaby even still as I tried to comprehend what she was saying. "I couldn't be that sad, miserable, pathetic housewife that was stuck in this fucking town. So I went to New York and got rid of it."

"You got rid of it?" My voice was almost a whisper still not being able to move.

"And the reason I broke up with you was because I couldn't see your face every day knowing what I did. I would have gone crazy with guilt. I made a choice for myself and I chose what I wanted. Julliard was what I wanted." She pointed at herself, sounding confident. She had probably practiced this speech more than once. "And I'm sorry, I should have told you and I want to let you know that there isn't a day that goes by that I don't see our child's face in my mind." Her voice softened. This was painful for her to talk about and I knew that tears would come back soon. "He would have been perfect. He would have looked just like you and had my hair." She paused and her sobs returned. "Oh God." She brought her trembling hands to her face. She was trying to justify what she had done, but she felt guilt which meant it was wrong. She had done the wrong thing but was too proud to admit it.

She wanted Julliard over me, over everything. Who was this girl?

"You're sorry?" I turned towards her and the paralyzing shock I was feeling had now turned into blind rage. "You referred to our child as if it was a piece of fucking furniture that you tossed on the side of the road. You got rid of it? How could you have done that without consulting me?" I yelled at her. I rarely yelled but this seemed like the time for it. "And the excuse of ending up like your mother is fucking bullshit because you are nothing like her and I am nothing like Carlisle. You are a fucking selfish coward with no disregard for anyone other than yourself. You and Edward are so alike." I shook my head and started pacing. She just kept repeating the words 'Oh God' over and over.

"You could have postponed Julliard and had the baby. Both of our parents could have helped us and I would have stayed with it while you went to school and everything would have been fine, everything would have been perfect but you took the easy way out." I shook my head. "I can't look at you right now." I turned away from her.

"I was scared Jasper, I wasn't thinking like that. I couldn't see that future no matter how hard I tried, at least not at that point in our lives." She made this noise that people make when they have really been crying. "Jasper, you have no idea what it is like to be a woman. It's nice to think we would have been you and me and baby makes three, but I wouldn't know what to do if you left. I can't take care of a baby by myself. I did what was best for you for me and for the baby."

I could barely process what was happening. There was no way this conversation just took place; it wasn't true, she was lying again. There was no way we were going to have a child; I would have been a father. A little being that looked just like me would have been running around looking to me for guidance. I was shaking; I needed a drink.

I looked over at her, about to breathe fire. "You wouldn't have to worry about me leaving because that's what you do. You leave, not me." This really hurt her and her sobbing continued and I was glad. She deserved to be upset. Everything had changed now. I didn't know her at all.

"That's not fair. I made a mistake and I'm trying to apologize. I'm trying to set things right." She was breathing heavily and her nostrils were flaring.

"Is that what you came out here to do? Tell me the truth? Set things right? In hopes of what? That I would forget everything that has happened and we would go back to the way things were? That's not how it works Alice. I went through a lot of shit when you left and I'm starting to head in the right direction, I'm starting to put something together that resembles a life. And you come back into my life now and you tell me this?" My legs gave out and I fell.

She got up and threw her arms around me pressing her face against mine; it felt like fire. "I'm sorry Jasper." She kissed my cheek and my whole body shuddered. "I'm so sorry." She kissed the corner of my mouth and then planted a soft kiss on my lips. She smelled so good. I was so angry with her, but I couldn't get away from her. I wanted her to kiss me again. I was so fucked up; I wanted to rip out her hair and scream at her for hours but the intimacy we were sharing brought me back to the way were before. I wanted to kiss her back and run my hands over her like I used to. I fucking hated it.

She kissed me again and this time I kissed her back. I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her like I used to. She tasted exactly the same. It was a clean taste like she was pure. She pushed herself onto me and I could feel the urgency in her kiss. But I couldn't let her win. I used to lie awake wishing she would come back and want me this way. Now she was here and I didn't want her.

She thought that this was going to work, that if she confused me with sex I would forgive her, but it wasn't. I couldn't do this right now. I didn't want to do this right now. I started shaking my head and I pushed her off of me. "No. No I can't do this right now." I found the strength to stand.

She got up after me and I turned to face her already on the second step. I stuck out my hands and motioned for her to stop. "No please Alice, just let me be away from you." She stood there looking defeated. I had never seen her like this before. Things really had changed since the last time we spoke.

"Is this because of Bella?"

I stopped and looked up at her as she turned towards me. "What?" I asked.

"Are you rejecting me because you love her? Because she is in love with my brother you know." She said with acidic tone to her voice.

I closed my eyes. "No this has nothing to do with Bella. Bella and I are not together anymore. I just need to process what you just told me." I shook my head and walked away from her with the full intent to flirt with a glass of scotch.

I walked across the lawn with my head spinning and my mouth salivating imagining how sweet the liquor would taste once I got it. I was just about to round the corner when I knocked into Bella.

I nearly knocked her over and had to grab her arms to keep her from falling over. I looked at her face for only a second, but it only took that second to make the decision that drinking that scotch wouldn't make me feel any better. Looking at Bella's face had told me this; I saw every single drink I ever took when I was with her in her worried expression. She was the one that stuck by me and believed that I could get better and be better. I couldn't ruin that. I wanted her in my life and I knew if I started drinking again I would lose her and I knew that I could endure this pain, but I couldn't endure losing her because she was my friend, she was my family and a piece of my heart lived with her.

As happy as I was that she made me realize this, I didn't feel like talking and I walked around her as she called out for me. I turned and looked at her and she asked me what was wrong and then followed me through the Cullen's house into Edward's room while I started searching for my coat. She gave me the keys to her house after I asked her a million times for them and then I left. I felt like an asshole for being such an asshole to her but I couldn't help it. I had to get out of there.

So I started walking and began to sort my shit out. I passed Archie's on the way to Bella's and a shiver ran down my spine. It was still closed the police tape was still up. An ambulance also passed me heading in the direction I had come from. And I knew that it was going to the Cullen's because everyone in town was there.

Everything in town was closed for Charlie's funeral. He was so loved. Some of the best times of my life were spent with him by my side. Around the fifth mile I started crying because of Charlie, because of Alice and Bella and Edward, and because of the baby I would never know. I couldn't understand how I could miss something that I never had.

I went to Bella's house because her house was a home. It may have been a little broken and the people that lived there may have not gotten along all the time, but the feeling I got in that house was a feeling of over whelming love and I liked that. It just wasn't a place that people put their shit.

That was my house. It was nice and big and beautiful and I wasn't allowed to touch anything. My parents were good people and they loved me, no doubt, but they were superficial as fuck and that had always rubbed me the wrong way. They were just things and they didn't matter.

I finally got to Bella's and I opened the door and walked into her living room and flopped onto her couch. My tears had finally dried by then and I was ready for sleep. I guess I would be taking the couch because I couldn't sleep with Bella anymore because it just wouldn't feel right.

I had a lot of time to think but I was still in the same spot. I was supposed to be a father right now. I should have been exhausted from chasing around Marshall all day. That's what I would have named him if he was a boy and Abigail if she was a girl. I wanted children; I always had, no matter what age I was.

Maybe I wasn't thinking clearly because my rage was still there and I was exhausted from the day. So I closed my eyes and dreamt for the first time in almost two and a half years. I dreamt about a young boy with my features and Alice's hair.

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**Okay so this is the last one for a little while. I need to catch up on my fanfics. I'm so behind. **

**I love you all, you all know that anyway. **

**I just watched Romeo and Juliet; It is the east, and Juliet is the sun. I love that line. **

**Reviews please I love them. ;)**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hello kiddies. How are all of you? **

**It's been a long time and I want to apologize for how long it's been. I took my time off and then when it came time to start writing again I found I had two problems. I had stepped away from it for so long that I couldn't get back into it and also I made the mistake of not finishing the funeral so this is a wrap up chapter and I was afraid it was going to be short and boring. It's not short which is a good thing and I'm sorry for making you wait. **

**Ashley I love you. You are always so supportive and you are one of the greatest friends I could ever ask for. This summer is going to amazing. XOXO**

**My ladies. Into. scrapes, Claire Bloom, Tuesday Jane, ARenee363, Lottie 2303 and TRDancer I love you guys. I hope you are satisfied by this chapter. **

**Saranic thanks again for helping me when I was losing my mind about how horrible I thought this chapter was. **

**So here it is I hope it was worth the wait. **

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**BPOV**

I stood in whose ever bedroom I was in and looked around contemplating how I was going to go about kicking Alice's ass. I had never been in a fight before, but people of lesser intelligence were in them all the time and seemed to walk away unscathed; they were bigger and stronger than me though. I was bigger than Alice and probably had a chance of winning.

I psyched myself up and walked out of the room and tried to figure out how to get downstairs. I wasn't paying attention to how we got here when Jasper led me up. Edward's house was large and slightly confusing. I finally found a flight of stairs that led down to the front foyer. I found my way to the kitchen and exited through the side door that Jasper had led me in the first time. I caught a glimpse of Rosalie who was staring at me mouthing the words, 'What the fuck?'. I shook my head and walked through the door thankful that I still had that jacket on.

I walked around the side of the house and towards the backyard where I had bumped into Jasper just minutes before, and as I came around the corner there she was. She was walking in my direction with her head down; her black hair falling around her face like a curtain and just before I entered her space she looked up at me.

She had been crying and my mind told me that maybe she was hurting just as much as Jasper was. Maybe I should hear her out before I opened a can of whoop-ass. She was Edward's sister, she was his twin. They had shared a very intimate home for nine months and then a large overly priced one with a hostile environment for almost 18 years. Whether or not I liked it she was a part of Edward and always would be. If I was to, someday down the line, marry Edward she would be my family and I had to give her a chance to explain herself.

My body had a mind of its own, however, and before I knew it, my hand was up in the air coming down to strike her. It came down on her with a force I wasn't even aware I had. My open palm connected with her cheek making a loud smacking noise.

I immediately brought both of my hands to my mouth in disbelief staring at her with wide eyes waiting for her to say something. My hand stung like a bitch and I didn't want to think about what her face felt like. I saw the red spread across her face just before she brought her hand up to the spot I smacked her.

She stared at me with eyes as wide as mine. Her tears had stopped, no doubt having to do with the shock of my unexpected and completely uncalled for attack on her, and then something changed in her face. Her brow furrowed and her nostrils stared to flair. Shit, she was going to fight me.

"I'm sorry Alice." I was apologizing; I don't know why I thought this fighting thing was a good idea. I was never a fan of physical violence and was a strong believer that everything could be worked out if two adults were to sit down and talk about it. Yet here I was on the cusp of a fight not knowing what to say or how to work it out even I was given a chance to.

She dropped her hands to her sides and charged at me. I really didn't know what to do, so I placed my hands out in front of me in hopes to stop her or something. The way she threw her body into mine made me fall over backwards landing flat on my back.

She was straddling me trying to hit me with her tiny balled up fists. I managed to get a hold of her wrists and was trying to think of a way to get her off of me. This was not the way I imagined my first fight going down.

She kept saying the same thing over and over. "It's because of you. He doesn't want me because of you." And I assumed she had told Jasper the truth about her leaving and now wanted to reconcile and he wasn't having it. She must have assumed it was because he was still in love with me. For all I knew that may have been the reason, but I wasn't entirely sure that it was. "You had him, you have Edward and he still can't let you go. Edward and Jasper belong to me, they're mine and you can't have them."

She was fucking delirious. She was crying again and was still moving her arms trying to swing at something, but I wasn't sure if it was me anymore. I felt a defeat coming off of her and she was getting tired so I pushed up and managed to get her on her back with me straddling her.

I pinned her hands to the ground and shouted her name as she shook her head, sobbing, rambling about Jasper trying to wiggle free. I put both of her wrists in one of my hands and grabbed her chin so that she would have to look at me. "Alice."

"What?" She whimpered. "What?" She said, her eyes burning into me.

"Are you okay?" This was an honest and sincere question although it was a stupid question because it was clear that she was absolutely not okay. I was sure that when she told me what was bothering her I would think less of her but if I could, I wanted to try with her because I had to.

Her face crumpled with confusion. "What?"

"It's a simple question Alice, are you okay?"

She started sobbing again. "No." Her face crumbled again but this time it was in pain. She was trying to turn underneath me trying to go into the fetal position. I got off of her and she turned onto her side and let the sobs escape from her mouth.

"Alice what happened?" I wanted to know. It was driving me crazy and I knew that she wanted to spill.

"Didn't Jasper tell you?" She still wasn't looking at me; she was still on her side trying to talk to me through her sadness.

"No, he didn't but what you said to him made him really upset. And if you want to talk about it I will listen." My voice was sympathetic and I was in a way reaching out to her, but it was mainly the gossip girl in me wanting to know what Jasper and Edward had been wanting to know for two years.

She turned over and looked at me. "You want to know what I said to him?" I nodded. She sat up and faced me, her legs out in front of her like mine were. "Why do you want to know, so that you can hate me too?"

I shrugged. "Maybe. I've been hating you ever since Jasper got back from rehab and told me all about you." She cringed when I said the word rehab and I was surprised with my stark honesty. I did hate her but now, I wasn't so sure. "But I want to hear your side. I want to know why you left."

She looked away from me rubbing her face where I had hit her. Her skin was really red. I bowed my head and looked at my hands. "I'm sorry I hit you Alice. I just saw Jasper and how hurt he was and I needed to get some sort of-" I stopped looking at the right word. "Revenge for him." I paused. "I want to not hate you, if for nothing else, because of Edward."

She looked back at me and stared for a long time without saying anything and then sighed and looked away from me. "I found I got into Julliard in June. I snuck up to New York in April for the auditions just hoping to get in. Looking back on all of it now it makes no sense why I did what I did. Or at the very least how I did it." She shook her head. "I didn't tell anyone that I wanted to go there, for some reason I thought that if someone knew then I would be convinced not to go. I should have told Jasper, I should have made plans with him to come with me, but every time I opened my mouth to speak the words that came out of my mouth were never the right ones. I just kept on telling everyone Jasper and I were going to U of W in the fall never being able to say that I wanted to go to Julliard."

She looked up at me. "I think subconsciously I did want some independence but I never wanted to end things with Jasper. I think we could have survived long distance. I've never wanted anyone else, and then one day about two weeks before the end of school I took a pregnancy test."

My head shot up. "You were pregnant?" I knew that Jasper had always wanted children; he had mentioned it in passing one day a couple of weeks back when we were in a department store and I said something about how cute I thought this tiny leather jacket was. I found it strange that he wanted them because to me he always seemed like the type of guy that would have no patience for children.

"Yes." Tears were in her eyes again and falling from her eyes but she stayed composed enough to speak. "I couldn't have it. In my eyes I saw my mother's life. I didn't want to be like her; I didn't want to give up on all my dreams and end up living here forever hoping to God that Jasper didn't get bored with me or stop loving me and I knew that I had to get rid of it. So I made an appointment with a doctor in New York and when I went out there to go to school I would have it removed and move on with my life like it had never happened." She brought her hand up to her face and wiped away a tear.

It was freezing out and I was just now starting to feel it. "So you had an abortion?" She nodded. "And that's what you just told Jasper?" She nodded again. "Fuck." I sighed and closed my eyes and prayed that he was okay. I prayed that he had made it home and that he was safe and drug and alcohol free. I wanted to talk to him so badly and have him work this out with me. "Why did you break up with him?" This was something that was bothering me because the abortion didn't justify it.

"I would have felt guilty having to see his face all the time and then I would have to tell him and he'd leave me so I left him." She wiped more tears off her face.

"That doesn't make any sense. You're not with him anyway."

"I know it doesn't make any sense but it did to me at the time. And now I wake up every day and I have no idea what to do. I was hoping to work it out with him; that the truth would set me free. He's so mad." She shook her head again. "He called me a fucking selfish coward." She sobbed a little again.

Well, I wasn't ready to disagree with her, but in a strange mixed up way I could sort of understand why she did what she had done. It was the not telling Jasper part that I didn't like. A baby had a mother and a father and every decision had to come from both of them. I learned that the hard way. I started crying again thinking about my father standing all alone in our house the day my mother walked out on him. "You should have told him. You were in a relationship together and he deserved to know. It was just as much his decision as it was yours. You have to communicate with the other person let them know what is going on."

"Like how you let Jasper know about Edward?" She looked up at me through her lashes; her eyes were dark like the sea in a storm.

Bitch. That was a low blow, very true, but low. How could someone so small be so villainous? I was not pleased and I knew that it was going to take me a very long time to learn to like Alice, if I would at all. I was going to yell at her but she was right. I fucked up with Jasper, but our relationship was less than perfect and he had made plenty of mistakes too. Really all the problems in our relationship were her fault. She had the audacity to tell me that I was a bitch for seeking comfort from someone else while my boyfriend drank and tried to kill himself because of her and then went to rehab to make himself better. I tried, sort of, to make Jasper and me work, but the damage was done and my heart unknowingly belonged to Edward. None of it would have happened if she wasn't such a selfish bitch. Fuck me I was mad, fucking cunt.

"Well fuck you. If you hadn't left none of this would have happened. You don't love Jasper because you've never seen him at his lowest. I have I watched him as he tried to kill himself because of you." I emphasized the word _you_. Rub the salt in Bella, rub the salt. "I held his head in my lap as his wrists bled out onto the cold pavement on a September night not that long ago because of you." I pointed at her accusingly.

She was crying again. "I don't want to talk about this anymore." She got up and started walking away from me.

"He'll never want you back." I was going to regret what I was about to say, but I was still mad. Any sympathy that I had had for Alice had vanished and I was in a highly emotional state to begin with, I wanted revenge for Jasper. I wanted to see her fall apart even though I knew I had no right and it absolutely wasn't my place, but fuck it she had attacked me. "You are the girl that broke his heart that turned him into an alcoholic; you are the girl that lied to him." I paused, this one I was really going to regret. "You're the girl that killed his child." I stared into the back of her head until I realized that she was ignoring me looking ahead of her intensely.

I looked up and saw the flashing lights of what I assumed was an ambulance for Carlisle. Alice took off running and I followed suit. She entered through a side door of the garage that hadn't even closed by the time I reached it and ran in after her. She ran past Edward and Esme and out of the garage hopping gracefully into the ambulance saying, "Daddy!" over and over again in a frantic high pitched tone.

I slipped my hand into Edward's and watched as Alice sobbed in the back of the truck. "Are you okay?" I looked up at Edward who had a concerned look on his face as he looked back down at me.

**EPOV**

I came around the corner to see my mother kneeling over Carlisle. She was slapping his face lightly, saying his name over and over again.

"Mom." I said as I walked towards her.

"What the hell happened to him?" She had tears in her eyes; she still cared about him and I found it unfathomable how she could.

"I did this." I said almost proudly. She was still kneeling beside him looking up at me as I looked down at her, her brow furrowed in confusion.

"You did this?" She looked away from me and down at Carlisle. "Why?" A tear rolled down her cheek.

I looked over at him and looked at what I had done to his face. I hadn't hit him that much, but I had hit him hard and from the looks of it I really fucked him up. I started to sweat metaphorically and thought maybe I should have called that ambulance when Bella suggested it. "He was forcing himself on Bella." I thought about lying to her but decided that the truth was the only thing that made sense.

Her face fell and the sadness turned to rage and her nostrils started to flair and she looked down at Carlisle. "You mother fucker." She yelled at him and she balled her fists and started hitting him as hard as she could.

A burst of shocked laughter came out of me; I had never heard my mother swear like that before and I found it funny. I also found a sick satisfaction in watching her hit Carlisle; he kind of had it coming. He was lifting his arms trying to protect himself. I took a step to the side and called an ambulance because I was sure he was going to need at the very least stitches. And fuck me if I was going to let him bleed all over my car.

After I knew the ambulance was on its way I stood over my mother for a few more seconds and let her hit him while I examined my bloodied knuckles, and then pulled her off of him. I grabbed her by her waist and pulled her into the garage. I put her down and planted my hands on her shoulders to keep her from going back to hit him.

She was crying still and kept looking over at him. "I can't believe that he did that." She wiped under her eyes and sniffed while rubbing her nose. "I knew that he would be off today but not like that."

I was going to comment on how I knew that Carlisle would do something like that, but the way she phrased her statement made my brow furrow. "What do you mean?"

"I served your father with divorce papers today." She rubbed her face with her hand and cupped her cheek looking slightly ashamed.

"What?" I wasn't mad; it just seemed like a weird day to do it.

She shrugged. "I just figured it was a sad day to begin with, so why not do it all at once?" She looked around the garage. "Not that divorcing your father is a sad thing." I saw her smirk slightly.

I looked from her to Carlisle, who was still half conscious, and realized that he had nothing left. Maybe Alice but I'm sure that once I told her what happened she may see our father in a different light. Even this couldn't make me feel sorry for him. He was mad because he was alone and bullied in high school but then he grew up and had the love of a beautiful woman and had two children. He had a respectable job and more things than any one person should have and he still wasn't happy. I think my father was just one of those people that were just not meant to be happy; it's not for everyone.

But it was for me and I smiled thinking about Bella where ever she was.

Things made more sense now, why Carlisle was off more than usually. He must have been aware of his mistake and his impending loneliness and that's what all this was. It was no excuse but it did make sense.

"He is going to press charges." My mother was looking at him shaking her head and then looking back at me with a worried motherly look.

I shook my head. "No, he won't."

"What makes you say that?" She looked confused.

"What is he going to say when the police ask him why I attacked him?" I looked at her waiting for her to get what I was saying. Her eyes widened and she nodded and she understood why. Even if he wanted to, no charges would be laid against me, at least that's what I hoped would happen.

What police officer in this town would charge me after I kicked the shit out of the guy who was trying to sexually assault the daughter of the recently deceased police chief? Fucking no one and he was going to have to live with this as the guy that tries to molest young girls; no one would ever trust him again. He might even lose his job and it was wonderful.

I could hear the sirens in the distance. It would be a good couple of minutes before it got here.

"Do you know where your sister is?"

I shook my head and then realized that she wasn't looking at me, she was looking at Carlisle biting on her thumb nail so I spoke out loud. "I think she is in the backyard with Jasper. Bella heard them yelling."

She nodded and was silent for a few more moments. "She's not going to be pleased."

"Yeah, but she'll get over it." I could see the flashing lights reflecting of the trees that lined our driveway and the ambulance pulled up beside the Cadillac and ran towards Carlisle checking him to make sure he was alright. They brought out a gurney and placed Carlisle on it; Carlisle was half awake and he was mumbling, telling both of them what was wrong with him. They placed him in the ambulance and all at once I felt someone grab my hand and Alice whip past me running up to get into the ambulance. "Daddy! Daddy!"

I looked down at Bella who was staring at them both just as they closed the door. Her brow was furrowed and she was breathing heavily. "Are you okay?"

She looked up at me and her brow smoothed. "Yeah, I just went through something with your sister. It's fine now." She smiled and stood on her tip toes and kissed me. "You are probably going to be in trouble, huh?"

I smiled at her. "I don't think so."

One of the paramedics came up to me and asked me what happened and I told them. I knew that this paramedic knew Carlisle and respected him so to hear my story was a little hard to believe. He looked at Bella who nodded confirming my story and then he walked back to the ambulance with a furrowed brow and then drove off.

"I have to follow them." My mother shook her head and walked towards the house.

I let go of Bella and reached for my mom. "No mom, I'll go. The cops are gonna want to talk to me anyway."

She sighed and looked around the garage and then nodded.

"I'm coming with you." Bella was looking up at me, resting her chin on my arm. Her eyes were puffy and red and I wondered what the hell she and Alice were talking about.

I nodded. "I need to get a few things first." I kind of felt bad that I was dragging her away from the funeral party thing but I think that she needed it. The way her eyes were shifting told me she needed to leave even if the place that we were going to was a hospital.

She nodded. "I have to tell Rose I'm leaving."

I nodded and she ran into the house ahead of me. My mother followed her quickly while I sauntered behind. Once we passed the kitchen my mother went around the island and took the spoon and the peanut butter jar out of Jacob's hands and started asking why he was eating peanut butter when there was food in the next room.

Bella rushed ahead of me and began to tell Rosalie the story and why she had to leave. It seemed like she was feeling better even if it was only marginally.

I ran up the stairs and entered my room and closed the door. I pushed all of the coats that had stock piled on my bed because Alice was a bitch and I saw Bella's coat. So I picked it up and placed it beside me as I sat down. Her own coat looked better on her than Alice's jacket obviously.

I closed my eyes and sighed relishing in the three seconds I really needed to myself. My hands were fucking killing me and even though it was a sweet satisfaction kind of pain, it hurt none the less. I walked into my bathroom and rolled up my selves and turned on the tap so the water that came out was warm. I cleaned all the blood off my hands. The water felt good and I put some sort of cream on my knuckles to soothe them.

I didn't know why this was so important to me, but it was. I wanted to be in and out of that hospital as quickly as possible. I knew if anyone saw my hands then I would have to stay and they would insist on fixing me. I wrapped some gauze around my hands and used some medical tape to keep everything together. It looked rather professional and I realized that I had learned a thing or two from my dad.

I grabbed Bella's coat and walked down stairs and saw her waiting for me. She was looking at herself in a mirror wiping underneath her eyes trying to make herself look more presentable. I thought she looked fantastic, but I also knew that telling women that they looked fantastic when they thought they didn't was a lost cause, so I told myself not to say anything.

She looked up in the mirror at me as I was coming down the stairs and smiled. She turned and walked up to me. It was strange because there were people all over my house and there were mass amounts of noise all around me but all I could see, all I could hear, was her. "Hey." She said so quietly and sweetly I felt my heart skip. This person, this piece of perfection that no doubt was carved by God himself, was mine and I couldn't believe how lucky I was.

"Hey." I paused and just stared at her. "I brought you your coat."

"Oh." She smiled and shrugged out of Alice's coat and hung it over the banister. I held her coat open as she placed her arm in both of the holes and pulled it up over her bare shoulder letting my fingers lightly graze her skin before I hit the fabric of her dress. She turned to face me. "Thank you."

She slipped her hand into mine and led me out the door towards my car. I walked around to the passenger side and opened the door for her. She turned to face me before she slipped inside. She pushed herself up on her tippy toes and I lowered my head knowing what she wanted. I placed my hand on the frame of the car and the door and pressed my lips against hers. It wasn't a kiss of urgency or lust; it was an 'I love you' kiss. There was no tongue, just our lips pressed together lightly for a few seconds while she hummed quietly to herself. I broke away from her, her eyes were still closed and she licked her lips before she looked up at me. "It's been a weird day."

I nodded. "Yes it has."

She smiled and stepped into the car and I closed the door behind her. I ran around the front of the car and got into my seat. I turned on the car and it shook from the insane volume that the stereo had been put at. Alice had been driving my car last. She needed to run an errand for my mother this morning and I told her she could take my car. She obviously forgot to remove her c.d. from the player and turn down the volume. So there I was sitting in my car outside my home at my girlfriend's father's funeral listening to _Pop That Pussy_ by _2 Live Crew_ at a deafening level.

I looked over at Bella whose hands were covering her ears and her eyes were wide with a big stupid grin on her face. "Turn it down!" She shouted at me over the music. I immediately brought my hand up to the volume knob and turned it way down. I looked back at Bella who still had the same look on her face. "_Pop That Pussy_?" She asked me in what sounded like complete shock.

I giggled a little because I had never heard her say pussy before and then composed myself and said one word. "Alice."

"Ah." Her eyes fluttered to the visor and looked at the c.d.'s I had stashed there and popped one in. It was a mixed c.d. with a lot of _Radiohead_ on it; the first song was _Talk Show Host_. She nestled back in her seat and linked her fingers through mine and closed her eyes while I tried to drive with one hand because there was no way I was letting go of her hand. She hummed quietly to herself as the songs changed from _Nick Drake_ to _The Rolling Stones _and back to _Radiohead_ until I pulled into a parking spot at the hospital.

"Bells." She had fallen asleep and jolted when I let go of her hand and nudged her slightly.

She looked over at me like she felt guilty for falling asleep. "Yeah?"

"We're here." I got out of the car and so did she. She met me slipping her hands around my waist under my open suit jacket and coat nestling her face to my chest. I wrapped my arm around her waist and we walked up to the entrance of the hospital.

She let go of me once inside and I walked up to the nurses' station. "Hello Edward."

"Hey Stacey." I only knew her because it was a small town and you knew everyone. I barely came into this hospital; only when I had hurt myself. "Where's my dad?"

"Down the hall first left second right." She went back to whatever paperwork she was doing before I got here.

I turned and grabbed Bella's hand again and went to that room. Just like I expected the cops were already waiting for us. They didn't look pleased. They had to miss Charlie's funeral because someone had to be on duty. The one that was closest to us had red hair and his last name was Thomas and the guy he was with Davis, he was in his mid-fifties and had grey hair, I knew him well. He had arrested me a couple of times when I was in high school. He stepped forward and smirked. "Cullen."

"Hello Officer Davis." I couldn't help but smirk back. As much as they hated me they all loved me. I gave them something to do.

He looked over at Bella. "Hello Bella." His voice was very sympathetic. "I'm so sorry about Charlie."

I looked down at her and saw the tears well in her eyes again. "Thank you." She said smiling politely.

"Yeah Bella, everyone down at the station is really torn up about it and I can't even begin to imagine what this has been like for you. If you ever need anything just call one of the boys down at the station and we'll get it done." Thomas was young and eager and looking at Bella in a way I didn't appreciate.

"Thank you." She said again. She was uncomfortable and I knew she wished that they would stop.

So I stepped forward. "How is he?" That seemed appropriate.

"Well Cullen, you sure know how to throw a punch. You broke his nose and knocked out one of his teeth. You caused some minor internal bleeding and bruised his face and body pretty bad, not to mention the lacerations." Fuck yeah I did; I suppressed a smirk. "Now the paramedic told me the story that you gave him. Now Cullen tell me exactly what happened."

I told him exactly what happened and then after I was done he questioned Bella. She told him everything from the beginning, everything that I had missed. I felt my hands ball into fists as she told Davis all the things that he had said to her and did to her before I showed up.

Davis looked pained. His mind told him that Carlisle was a good man; a respectable person. He thought he was a good doctor, which I wasn't going to lie he was. Davis thought Carlisle was a good father and a good husband and a person that cared for others, which he wasn't. Davis, I knew, wouldn't have believed anyone else, but because it was Bella and because when he looked at her, he saw Charlie. That's why he believed what we were saying.

He sighed in frustration. "Carlisle really did this to you Bella?"

She nodded.

"Do you want to press charges?"

She shook her head.

"Alright." He nodded his head. "I have to go in and get a statement from your father and he may want to press charges against you Edward."

"Can he do that?" Asked Bella.

"Yes, he can and since you aren't pressing charges not much is going to happen to him. He'll still be charged with assault, but he'll have a good lawyer and he will most likely walk away from this scot free." I sighed. I wanted some justice. I wanted Bella to change her mind; I wanted her to press charges.

I turned to her. "Are you sure that you don't want to press charges? He assaulted you."

She nodded her head. "I'm sure."

I sighed again. "I'm going to go talk to your father now and send your sister out."

"You're not going to arrest me?" I thought they legally had to.

He looked around and stepped in towards me. "Edward if I was there I would have helped you." He grinned. "It's been a long day, get her home."

I smiled and watched as he entered the room and sent Alice out. She shot both Bella and I looks of death and then stared at me. "Edward why would you do that?"

I rolled my eyes and told her the story I was getting really fucking sick of telling.

Her face crumpled in confusion, shock and anger. "Daddy wouldn't do that." Her voice was quiet, very similar to a whisper.

"Well, I'm telling you that he did Alice." I was talking to her like she was an idiot. We fought over our father a lot because for some reason she loved him.

She looked over at Bella. "Is this true?"

Bella nodded.

Alice's face got hard and she stared past us instead of at us. "Do you two need to do anything else here or can we leave?" She hissed this through her teeth, her tone acidic.

"We can leave." I said.

"Yeah, I just want to go home." Bella closed her eyes.

"Of course you do." Alice pushed past us and shot Bella a death stare.

I furrowed my brow and looked at Bella. "I'll tell you later." She shook her head and looked mildly ashamed. She tugged on my hand and led me forward again out of the hospital and out towards the car. Alice was standing beside it her hair whipping around her face as the wind blew strongly from the north and looked at us. It looked like she had dark circles around her eyes, but instead of making her look tired it made her eyes look electric. A villainous vibe radiated off of her. I lifted my arm with the keys in it and pushed the unlock button. She turned and stepped into the backseat.

I looked over at Bella. "This is going to be fun." She rolled her eyes and stepped around the car and got into the passenger side.

I stared the car and _Fake Plastic Trees_ was ending and it turned into _These Days_ by _Nico_. I looked over at Bella who had her eyes closed again and she was smiling slowly. "I love this song. It makes me so happy every time I hear it." She sighed. "I think it has something to do with _The Royal Tenenbaums_, you know that scene when Margot gets off the bus and Richie sees her for the first time?" She opened her eyes and looked at me.

I nodded. "I love Wes Anderson."

"She's moving in slow motion and the look on Richie's face. He loves her you know?" She shook her head. "It's stupid I know and the song is sad, but it just makes me happy. For these three minutes everything slows down and I'm just… content." She closed her eyes again and was silent for the rest of the trip, as was Alice.

I smiled thinking about her story hoping that when she was looking at me while she was telling it I looked like Richie. I wanted her to know how much I loved her without having to say anything; I wanted it to be in every look, every sigh, every word, every touch, and every breath. I never wanted her to doubt my love for her or where my loyalties lied. I would follow her to the ends of the Earth.

I pulled into our driveway and Alice got out of the car. I looked at Bella. "I'm going to take you home."

"You're going to stay with me, right?" She looked concerned and slightly needy.

I nodded grabbing my phone and dialing my home number. It rang a couple of times before a guy answered the phone. "Hello." It was Jake and he was eating.

"Hey Jake, is my mom around?" I scratched my chin.

"No."

"What do you mean no?"

"I mean she's not around."

"Did you look around for her?"

"I looked around the place I'm standing and I can't see her."

I sighed out in frustration and closed my phone. "I have to go inside."

She smiled slightly. "I'll be okay Edward." She sounded like I was crazy to be concerned. The last time I left her alone she was assaulted, by my father.

I nodded. "I know, I know." I said tilting my head from side to side and I ran towards the house and into the front door and up the flight of stairs. I went into my room and got a small bag out and put some pajamas, clothes for tomorrow and toothbrush inside it.

I went downstairs and walked into the kitchen and found not only my mother but Jake standing in the kitchen. I looked at him. "How long have you both been in here?"

"Twenty minutes." My mother said putting some saran wrapped food into the fridge. There were still a good number of people there but not nearly as many as when I left.

"I thought you said you couldn't see her?" I placed my bag on a chair that was close by.

Jake shrugged. "I didn't look that way." He grinned and food fell out of his mouth.

I shook my head. Jake was weird and I loved him.

"How's your father?" My mother's eyes were concerned.

I shook my head. "I don't know that's more of a question for Alice. She was with him and I think she actually cares."

"Where is she?"

"Probably sulking somewhere; listen mom, I've gotta go. I'm gonna spend the night at Bella's."

She nodded. "Okay be safe." From her tone, I didn't know what she was implying that 'be safe' to.

I walked up to her and kissed her on the cheek. "See you later."

"Bye sweetie." She smiled and busied herself again.

I picked up my bag and slung it over my shoulder. I heard Jacob clear his throat and I looked over at him. "What?"

"What about me?" He closed his eyes and puckered his lips.

I stepped towards him and he smelt like scotch. "Jake have you been drinking?"

He held his stance and just nodded making an 'Mmm-Hmm.' noise. I rolled my eyes and gave him a peck. Why not? He was like a brother. He opened his eyes and had a huge smile on his face and then started shaking his head. "You are so gay dude."

I walked away from him shaking my head and left running back to Bella. The car was shaking from the music that was playing on the inside. I opened the car door and Bella was listening to _Sabotage _by _The Beastie Boys_. She looked over at me. "_So listen up cause you can't say nothin'_." She was dancing in her seat.

I threw my bag in the back and got in the car. "Nice, _The Beastie Boys_ are amazing." I said shouting over the music.

"I know, right." She shouted back and made her hands into the shape of what she thought were gang symbols; they weren't. I just smiled and backed out of the driveway.

It was about eight when we got to Bella's house and the sun had set. She had sung the entire way home. Her mood swings were concerning me, but she seemed to be enjoying herself. I wasn't going to rain on her parade if she was finding pleasure in something no matter how small it was. She got out of the car and wrapped her arm around my waist and leaned into me as we walked up the four steps to her front door and then walked inside. Rosalie's Firebird was already in the driveway and I knew that this might get awkward. I didn't want it to be awkward because I wanted to spend a lot of time with Bella. I wanted this to be as comfortable as possible.

We walked into the house and I placed my bag down by the front door. Rosalie and Emmett were in the kitchen; they had both changed and were wearing sweats. Emmett was drinking a beer and Rosalie had a glass of wine. "You found the booze I see." Bella said resting on her hand on the back of Rosalie's chair looking down at them.

"Yeah, I hope you don't mind." Rose said looking up at her.

She shook her head. "No babe." Bella closed her eyes and placed her hand over them. "I'm gonna go change. Where is Jasper?"

"The living room; he's asleep on the couch." Said Rose.

Bella nodded again. "Okay Edward help yourself to anything. I'll be right back."

She left the room and I heard her feet clunk up the stairs.

**BPOV**

I ran up stairs and changed into some short shorts, one of my dad's flannel shirts, some large wool socks and threw my hair up in a messy bun. I walked back down the stairs and into the living room. Jasper was lying on the couch in his suit. His leg and arm were hanging off the side of the couch and he was breathing deeply, his hair falling in front of his face.

I walked towards him and put my nose in front of his mouth and breathed in. His breath smelled terrible but not like liquor and that calmed me immediately. I pulled his leg up onto the couch and he immediately turned pulling the rest of his body up onto the couch. I pulled a blanket off the back of the couch and draped it over him.

I stared at him and sighed looking forward to our conversation tomorrow. I knew it was going to be a difficult one, but I knew he needed to talk it out even if thought he didn't. I also needed to let him know what I did, what I had said to Alice.

I turned and walked out of the living room, through the foyer and into the kitchen. I opened the fridge and grabbed a beer and sat in Edward's lap. I took a long swig of it.

"So you got through the day?" Said Emmett, grinning in a sympathetic type of way.

"It would appear I did." I said feeling Edward nuzzling his face into my neck pressing his lips into my skin. "And what a day it was." I took another swig.

Edward leaned forward and grabbed his beer that was half empty sitting on the table and brought it to his lips. He looked up at me, his lips wet from the beer and I lowered my head and kissed him quickly and sweetly. I parted and looked at him. "I'm never going to get sick of doing that." I smiled and so did he.

I heard both Emmett and Rosalie make vomiting sounds. I looked over at them. "Hey shut up. I remember when you two were all 'I can see my future in your eyes' and shit." I made this weird high pitched voice to impersonate the both of them.

"Shut up." Rosalie threw a pencil that was sitting on the table at me.

I laughed. "And can we please all try to get along. I know Rosalie that Edward broke your nose and he's sorry about that."

"I really am."

"But he's going to be around now and I don't want you two at each other's throats all the time." I took another sip of the beer which was really cold and really good. I forgot how much I loved drinking my dad's brand.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "I will make an attempt but I have not forgiven you and may never forgive you." She said pointing at Edward.

"Understandable." Edward nodded.

Rosalie then looked up at me. "What are we doing tomorrow?"

"I'm doing nothing. I'm sleeping in, talking to Jasper and then making it a blockbuster night." I finished the beer and placed the bottle on the table.

"Thirsty?"

I nodded. "And tired, let's go to bed." I slapped his knee and stood up. He brought the beer up to his lips and finished it. I leaned over and hugged and kissed Rose. "Thanks for today babe. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

I let her go and hugged Emmett. "Thanks for being there today Em it means a lot to me." I stood up and smiled.

"Not a problem Hells Bells." I was actually starting to like that.

We all said good night to each other and I walked into the foyer and up the stairs hearing Edward walking behind me. I walked into the bathroom and took out my toothbrush ran it under the tap and put some toothpaste on it and began to brush my teeth. He took off his suit jacket and then un-tucked his dress shirt and unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off of him. I stared at his perfect body and giggled quietly thinking about how that body was all mine.

He pulled a toothbrush out of the bag he brought and ran it under the tap and then put some toothpaste on it and began brushing. I didn't want to spit in front of him but figured I vomited in front of him and he still wanted me, so it wouldn't be that bad if I spit. I bent over and spit the foamy toothpaste into the sink and ran the water and started brushing again. We were looking at each other in the mirror.

He leaned over and spit a huge amount of toothpaste into the sink and ran the tap looking back at me smirking at me as he stood up. No, he absolutely was not recreating a scene out of a movie I loved so intensely but refused to tell anyone I loved.

I really started to brush and so did he. I leaned over and spat a bigger one than his into the sink and ran the tap. I looked at him as I stood up. He leaned over and spat even more than me and stood up.

I spat out just a little bit and turned and looked at him. "Easy there Cliff."

"You gotta bring it Tor." He tilted his head and smiled running his toothbrush under the tap and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand just like Cliff did. Oh Edward Cullen, you will never know how much I love you for knowing a girly cheerleading movie that well.

I leaned in him and kissed him wrapping my arms around his neck pushing my body into his. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I threw my toothbrush in the sink letting my hands drag across his chest. He was so warm and I wanted to snuggle into him. I parted from him wanting to do ungodly things to him but knowing that now was not the time. I looked up at him. "Let's go to bed."

He started sing the words to _The Cure_ song _Let's Go to Bed_ quietly to me and I smiled turning away from him. "I'll be right there." He said half closing the door.

I walked into Charlie's room and flopped down on the bed. I took off my socks because I wanted to rub my feet on Edward's legs. He came in still shirtless and closed the door and hopped into the bed with me. I moved towards him resting my head on his chest while he wrapped he arms around me. "This is the first time we are going to sleep together."

I giggled and we sat there in silence for a little while. "Can I ask you something?" He asked.

I nodded not looking at him.

"Why did you not want to press charges on Carlisle?"

"I figured that everyone is going to find out what he did because this is a small town and people talk and he might even lose his job. His daughter isn't sure of him, his son hates him and his wife is in love, or was in love, with another man. He has nothing, just like you said and that's satisfying enough for me." I looked up at him and he nodded.

"What about Alice?"

I sighed. "She told Jasper why she left."

"What?" He sat straight up causing me to fall off his chest and land on the bed. "Did she tell you?"

I nodded.

"Well, tell me, I want to know. Tell me." His eyes were wide and he looked really excited.

I smiled slightly. Jesus Edward did you want me to tell you while we ate ice cream and braided each other's hair? I had no idea he was such a gossip girl. So I told him what she had told me.

When I had finished he looked distraught and I thought that maybe he was thinking about the child. That kid would have been related to him. He would have been Uncle Edward. "Shit."

"Yeah, it's pretty intense."

"But why is she so mad at you?"

We were sitting cross legged on the bed looking at each other. I looked away from him. "Well, I had seen Jasper and you can imagine how he looked. And I wanted to drop her, so I went outside and smacked her and then she attacked me." I looked up at him through my lashes.

He looked shocked and he had the slightest grin on his face. "You got into a physical fight with my sister?"

I nodded.

"Well, it's about time someone smacked her. She was always running around like she could do no wrong." He ran his hands through his hair.

"There's a little bit more." I looked away from him again. "She accused me of being like her cause I lied to Jazz about you and I snapped. So I told her about the night Jasper tried to kill himself and then I told her that he would never take her back because she was the woman that killed his child." I looked up at him.

"Bella." He sounded disappointed.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not like her. What I did to Jasper is not the same as what she did."

"I don't agree with what you did but I can understand why you did it." He should be a little mad, Alice was his sister.

"You're not mad." I asked.

"No." He crawled towards me and laid down pulling me with him wrapping the covers around us. "It will be fine. She get over it eventually, just buy her a large Christmas gift and that will help your odds."

He turned out the light. "It's nice to know what happened though. I can't believe she did that. Imagine if they had that baby."

"It would be a beautiful child."

"Yeah." He paused and stroked my hair. "You got through this day Bella and it's gonna get easier, I promise you."

"I hope so." I wrapped my feet around his leg.

"Your feet aren't cold."

"That's because I had them wrapped in grizzly man socks." I laughed and so did he.

"It's time for sleep now Bella. Close your eyes and sleep and dream like people do." It was poetic and I liked it. I could listen to Edward whispering things like that to me forever.

He held me in his arms and started counting. "What are you counting?" I asked.

"My breaths so you don't have to." He hugged me tighter.

I sighed and was so touched by his thoughtful gesture. He knew I counted to get to sleep. "I love you Edward."

"I love you too Bella." And we closed our eyes and fell asleep for the first time in each other's arms.

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**Okay so there is was. **

**I want to pump out another fan fic that I read in my time off called As Fate Would Have It by into. scrapes. It's basically about would have happened if Edward didn't stay away from Bella and turned her into a vampire on that first day they had met. It's very interesting and well written. I seriously suggest checking it out even if you aren't into the vampire fan fics because normally I'm not either but this one is good. It's in my favorites. **

**I know some of you are going to ask how my time off was and it was good but I didn't sleep much though, I just got new fan fic ideas and spiraled into more creativity. I had fun though and the time off was much needed. **

**It's my birthday today. I'm 22 and the best present from you guys would be reviews. Please review and have an awesome weekend. I'm going out to get drunk. Woot.**

**I love you all. **


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hey hey hey. Sorry about the time in between updates. I moved so that has taken a large amount of time out of the last two weeks and the program I use to write Star Mile expired so it was a lot of cutting and pasting and going through old emails. But I finished it and it's ready and everything is fine. **

**Drkvctry I forgot you last time. Totally 100% a mistake. I love you darling you know that. I hope this makes up for it and that you love the chapter. **

**Into. Scrapes, Claire Bloom, Tuesday Jane, ARenee363, Lottie2303, Charley Cullen and TRDancer I hope you love the chapter. I'm sorry to keep you guys waiting. I love you. XOXOXO.**

**This is a light chapter. Only on angst part and then it's smooth sailing. It's going to be fluff and smut for the next 4-5 chapters until it ends. The end is near but I have started my new fan fic and I will release the first couple of chapters when Star Mile is over. It's called The Persistence of Memory and has nothing to do with Salvador Dali I just like the words and it is totally different from Star Mile. Claire Bloom read some of it and really like it so we will see how that one goes. **

**Okay Chapter 20. **

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**EPOV **

Bella wasn't with me when I woke up the next morning. I turned over and looked at the clock that was telling me it was 12:31. It was drizzling outside and the room was dim. I was sad that Bella wasn't here so I closed my eyes to focus on the sounds in the house trying to find her. I could hear Rose and Jake. They were in the kitchen clanking and making noise and that's when I was flooded with the smell of coffee. I knew that they must be getting ready to make breakfast and I was fucking starving. "I'm gonna run out. There isn't enough to feed all of us here." said Jake letting his feet clunk against the wood floors of Bella's home.

"Jake, we have three packs of bacon, two cartons of eggs, a bag of potatoes and three loaves of bread; how is there not enough?" said Rosalie, it sounded like she was washing something in the sink.

"Rosie, you've never seen me eat before. It goes against science and nature. The food we have here will be enough to feed me, so I will be back." I heard keys jingle. "Do you need anything Rosie, my darling?"

"Orange juice would be sublime and possibly some fruit, baby." I could hear the humor in her voice and that made me happy. As crazy as Rose was, she was a fantastic person and I was looking forward to the day we would become friends.

"Done and done sweetheart." I heard the screen door open. "Alice is here." He sounded unsure, and the constant murmur that I was unable to place stopped.

Fuck. What was she doing here? I located a shirt from Charlie's drawer that said 'the man' with an arrow pointing up at me and an arrow pointing down that said 'the legend'. It made me laugh that Charlie had this shirt. After I put it on, I ran out of his bedroom and down the stairs. I saw Alice walking up the walkway. I assumed that Jake had stalled her some, and I looked over at Bella and Jazz who were standing in the living room doorway with worried looks on their faces. "I will deal with her. She won't step foot inside this house unless you want her to."

They both shook their heads. Yeah, I figured they weren't ready for this yet. I walked out the door and ran down the stairs pulling Alice along with me trying to put some space between her and the house. "What are you doing here?" I asked sounding really pissed off.

"I need to talk to both of them." She was so tiny but she seemed larger than me; she had a personality so large it was frightening. I could feel her frustration and determination radiating off of her.

"Neither of them wants to talk to you right now." I crossed my arms and cocked an eyebrow.

"I don't care." She stomped towards the house and I caught her arm. "No Alice."

"Edward, let go of me." She looked tired and I assumed she probably spent a lot of time last night thinking and preparing a speech in her head.

"Alice, if you go in there you are just going to make it worse. They are both mad at you and you have to give them a chance to cool off cause they aren't going to listen to you now." I was pleading with her, but I hoped it sounded like I was telling her, that my voice sounded slightly authoritative.

I heard the screen door fly open and Bella came storming through it. Storming was the only word that accurately described the way she looked. Her hair was wild and big and blown back. Her eyes were wide and she looked mildly angry, but mostly just irritated. She still had the flannel shirt and the short shorts on and had placed the socks back on her feet. It was then that I realized that she had done up her shirt the wrong way and all the buttons were one off. The shirt hung off of her, exposing her shoulder and she wasn't wearing a bra. God she looked good. I was going to cop a feel later when we got back inside.

"What do you want Alice?" She was irritated, but there was a mild sympathy in her voice.

"I've been thinking a lot and I came here to apologize to you. Shit that happened to you yesterday should happen to no one. And I'm sorry I was such a bitch about it. I thought I knew my dad, but it's clear that I don't and no one deserves that." She was being sincere and for some reason wanted to be friends with Bella; she wanted to make this work, I could tell by her tone. "And when we were having that fight I shouldn't have said what I said to you. What you did to Jasper and what I did to Jasper were two totally different things." She bowed her head and I looked at Bella.

She looked sad and as she looked at me she shook her head. "Fuck Alice." That apology worked on her. She made this strange motion with her body and ran her hand through her hair and then looked back at Alice. "I shouldn't have said those things to you about Jasper. It was a shitty thing for me to do and I am really sorry." She was staring at Alice intently. "Alice, I want to like you, but you don't make it fucking easy. And even though I'm apologizing to you this by no means make us friends, not even close. I want to like you because Edward loves you and I love him, but you really fucked over Jasper. And he is my friend, probably one of the closest I have, and that makes me want to bitch slap you again." She walked over to me.

I never really noticed how good of a speaker Bella was. She was honest and said exactly what was on her mind. She never seemed to stutter when she really had something to say.

My eyes wandered from her mouth down to her neck. Her collarbones were fantastic and her skin looked like silk. Fuck. I have to take her out on this date. God I was distracted easily.

Alice nodded. "That's understandable." She was looking at her hands.

Bella placed her hand in mine. "I'm willing to work on this if you are, but I don't think you should come in. Jasper is not in the right state to see you and it would just get ugly. I appreciate you coming down here though." She looked at Alice with understanding.

Alice nodded. "I want to hang with you, just you and me. Maybe we'll go do some Christmas shopping together." Alice smiled.

Bella grinned back. "Sounds like a plan." It shocked me that just yesterday they were fist fighting and today they were planning trips to the mall. Was this what being an adult was? Making sacrifices and trying to set wrong things right; it seemed fucked up to me.

"Okay I'm gonna go." Alice pointed behind her.

We both nodded and she turned and walked towards the Cadillac. We watched her get in the car and drive away. I looked over at her. "You don't have to do that you know."

She shrugged turning her body towards me. "I want to." She looked up at me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "Good morning good sir."

"Morning kitten." I kissed her letting my hands fondle her breast through her shirt. I parted from her. "I love your breasts, they are perfect." I continued to palm them as she watched me do it. "Fuck, I need to take a look at these warlocks."

She laughed her belly laugh and brought her hands the collar of her shirt and pulled it away from her. I tilted my head and looked down her shirt to look at her breasts, just sitting there all perky and perfect; her nipples erect. "I have names for them."

I looked up at her. "What?"

"The left one is Cate Blanchett and the right one Katherine Hepburn." She looked up at me and smiled. "My vagina's name is Kate Winslet. They are my greatest of parts and I wanted them to have the names of some of the greatest actresses."

"You are so cute." I can't believe that she had names for her lady parts. That means when we went to bed I was going to bed with four lovely ladies. I kissed her nose. "I'm hungry."

She pushed herself up against me. "So am I, but for something a little different." She pushed her pelvis into mine and started grinding against me. She moaned a little and made whine noise like she was in pain. She had her lip pouted and she was looking up at me through her lashes. "I'm so horny Edward."

Fuck me, I knew all I had to do was ask and she would.

My dick was hard. How was I supposed to go inside now? She kept grinding herself up against me. "And it feels like you are, too." She smirked.

"Bella." I moaned. We were standing on her fucking front yard and she was practically dry humping me.

"What?" She said like she had no idea what she was doing.

"Bella, you're fucking killing me." I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her impossibly closer to me.

"You're the one that wants to wait. I can't help it if I don't have as much self control as you do."

I had started pushing her towards the house. I wasn't going to push her in the house; I was going to push her around the side of the house. I pushed her up against the side paneling and brought my hand between her legs rubbing roughly as she moaned loudly.

She opened her eyes and looked at me with an intensity I had never seen from her. She pushed against me and grabbed my shirt and spun us. She pushed me up against the side of the house. She ran her hand down my chest and started fingering the waist band of my pants. Then she pulled them down exposing my erection to the air that was colder than I would have liked. I heard her giggle. She fucking giggled. That was the last fucking thing a guy wanted to hear when his girl saw his dick for the first time. "What's so funny?"

She looked up at me. "You're very…" She paused and giggled again. "Large."

"Yeah, I planned it that way." I leaned my head back against the paneling of the house and moaned. She hadn't even touched me yet but the anticipation was making me even harder. We could do this, this was fine just no sex. The sex would be passionate but all the foreplay, the first three bases could be a little naughty and it's fine if we did some of it in a pantry or pushed up against the side of her house in the middle of December where anyone could see us. This was okay, this was fine.

I felt her hand wrap around the shaft of my cock. Somehow her hand was warm except the tips of her fingers. She pumped me just once and I moaned looking back down at her. She was smiling as she did it again, until she had created a rhythm that was slowly getting faster with every stroke. My hand reached out to find its place in between her legs.

She backed away from me and shook her head. "No, this one's about you today." And she dropped to her knees.

I watched as her mouth opened and closed around the head of my cock. "Okay." I said sighing out agreeing with her. This one could be about me today. She still continued to work her hands on my shaft as she let her tongue flick and flutter over the head and then she pushed me as far into her mouth as she could get me. I felt the tip of my dick hit the back of her throat and I groaned putting my hand over my eyes.

She tightened her lips around the base and pulled up and sucked the head hard before plunging it back into her warm wet mouth over and over and over again. I looked down and watched her do it. I pulled back her hair so I could see better and then she looked up at me and smiled with her eyes.

I was standing there getting one of the best blowjobs ever with my hands knotted in her hair when she moved one of her hands and started to palm my balls. That was all I needed to put me over the edge. "I'm gonna cum Bella."

She took me deeper into her mouth swallowing my load as I came. She got almost everything except for a little that trickled out the side of her mouth.

She stood and wiped the side of her mouth with her finger, which she then slid into her mouth and sucked clean. She pushed herself up on her tip toes and kissed me sticking her tongue in my mouth. Then she parted from me, looking up at me through her lashes grinning devilishly. I looked back at her. "I can taste myself on your mouth."

"That's the point." She kissed me again, pulled up my pants, grabbed my hand and led me around to the front of the house.

"I thought you said you were horny?" I was confused; she was horny and I got head.

"I am, but I can wait. I know what I'm missing. I've already had some time with your fingers." She stopped and took my hand and stuck the length of my middle finger in her mouth and sucked on it slowly pulling it out of her mouth. "I just wanted to give you a taste of what you were missing. What I can do. Maybe persuade you to do it before the date cause I have no idea when we are going to get to do that, the date I mean." She started walking ahead again.

I stopped and looked at her. "Bella, tomorrow. Tomorrow I am taking you to Port Angeles and we will go on a date, then we'll come back here we'll make love for the first time. Then I will spend the rest of the night fucking you stupid."

She licked her lips and grinned again. "So stupid I don't want to remember how to count you, understand Edward?"

I nodded. She was a fucking sex kitten, she wanted to be all emotional in public, but once that door close she wanted sweaty, hot, reckless abandon type sex where it feels so good you shout out shit that doesn't make sense. "I had no idea you were like this." That was a lie, Jasper had told us those stories, but I didn't want to tell her that.

She shrugged. "I think sex is a very personal thing and should be kept between the two people doing it, but I also think it should be kind of…" She trailed off looking for the right word.

"Passionate?" I suggested.

"Dirty." She smiled. "I don't want 'I'm gonna fuck you cause were dating and I'm obligated to have sex with you' type sex, I want everyday is a special occasion type sex every single time we do it. If you are just going to half ass sex then what's the point?" She shrugged looking from me to the ground.

We came around the corner. "I love you." I said as she smiled. Maybe I could push the date to tonight.

Jake was walking up the walkway as we came around the corner and he looked at us with a confused look on his face. He was holding two brown paper bags. "What the hell were you two doing?"

Why was Jake always there after Bella and I were doing something naughty? Bella let go of my hand and walked past Jake. "Trying to catch a raccoon." She said it with confidence like that's exactly what we were doing. She walked up the stairs and into the house.

I had stopped beside Jake and he looked at me. "She is a fucking horrible liar."

I shrugged. "I believed her." I took one of the bags from him.

"What were you doing?" His face was so serious. I just shook my head and walked up the stairs. I heard him laugh and follow. "Were you pleasuring each other?" He said it in kind of a girly voice.

"I'll tell you about it later." I walked into the house and headed towards the kitchen.

"You fucking better." He placed his bag of groceries down beside mine.

Rosalie pushed past us and looked in the bag. "Jake, there is enough food to feed like a high school here now." She put her hands on her hips and looked up at him.

He shook his head. "No, now there is enough food to feed all of you and me." He pointed at everyone and then at himself.

"He's right." I said. Rosalie whipped her head around to look at me. She just stared at me, so I continued. "I've seen him eat an entire twenty-five pound turkey in one sitting."

Jasper came in. "I remember that. We were watching Friends when Joey ate that turkey and Alice said it was impossible for anyone to eat that much turkey. And Jake said that he could do it." He laughed. "It was like watching Paul Newman eat the eggs. It was disgusting but he did it." Jasper poured himself a cup of coffee and then sat down at the table.

Rosalie looked from me to Jasper to Jake and threw her hands up in the air. "Fine but you all have to help." She pointed at Jake. "Especially you."

"Aye, aye captain." Jake started taking things out of the bags and placing them on the counter and Rosalie did the same while grinning.

She looked over her shoulder. "Jasper, Edward I want you both on potato detail." I heard him groan. Rosalie picked up two bags of potatoes and pushed me towards the table placing the bags on them. She sat me down got out two bowls, a cutting board, a vegetable peeler and a knife. She handed Jasper the vegetable peeler and me the knife.

"Why does he get the knife?" Jasper whined.

"Because he just stole your girlfriend and I'm afraid that you might stab him with it. Now peel and cut." She turned and started arguing with Jake about the proper way to hold a frying pan. I laughed at Rosalie's frankness; she never did tip toe around anything.

Jasper started peeling and throwing them in the bowl and I started cutting. Seconds later Bella came bouncing in freshly showered; I didn't even hear the shower running. I could smell her over everything; strawberries, lavender and lilac. She was wearing a different pair of shorts and a white tank top with the same wool socks. She got an Elton John mug out of the cupboard and filled it with coffee and brought it over the table. I immediately reached for the sugar and scooped two spoonfuls of sugar into the mug. "Thank you." She cooed.

"You seem up beat today Bella." Said Emmett who was cutting open the bacon and placing a deep fryer on the counter, turning it up on high.

"Well, I have a house filled with people I love so that's good. And yesterday I got a lot of the sadness out. I'm by no means finished grieving, but it was a big step to help me move forward." She looked up at the stove and then to Rose. "What can I do?"

"Nothing. Stare at your boyfriend." She said trying to get Bella's old stove to work.

"I want to help." Said Bella.

"You are letting us stay in your house so we are making you breakfast."

"But-"

"Bella!"

"Fine, I won't help." She sat back down and sulked a little sipping her coffee. She looked between both Jasper and me. The corner of her lips pulled up into a half smile.

I stopped cutting and looked at her. "What?"

She shook her head. "Nothing, I'm just stimulated by your conversation."

Jasper stopped peeling. "It's ridiculous for you to expect us to be friends again, it's gonna take time."

"Yeah Bella, he doesn't want to-" I stopped and thought about what he said and looked at him. "Wait what? You want to try and be friends again?" This was new; I really thought that there was no chance for me and Jasper after what I did.

He shrugged. "Well, not today but eventually, yeah. You were my best friend and I fucked up when Alice left. I fucked up first and even though what you did wasn't something I think a friend should do, it's forgivable. You're my family, man." He looked back at the potatoes and started to peel them again and then looked back at me again. "But as of right now, I'm still pissed."

I smiled really quick and then got really serious and then nodded. We were going to be fine; eventually and that was fine with me. We had wronged each other; and slowly but surely we would make it right. I looked over at Bella who was smiling at me and then she looked over at Jasper and I resumed cutting.

"Are you gonna stick around tonight Jasper?" asked Bella looking through some old newspapers that were left on the table.

He nodded, taking a break from his peeling to sip his coffee. "Yeah, if you don't mind."

"No, I don't. I'm gonna run out to Blockbuster and get a couple movies after breakfast and then stay in and do nothing all day." She fingered the wet ends of her hair looking at them blowing lightly. She wanted to stay in tonight so maybe the date would have to be tomorrow. Where were we going to have sex? We couldn't do it here with all these people in the house because it was going to be loud and last a long time. Fuck. Man, I didn't realize how horny I was until this morning. I wanted it now. Shit.

"That sounds like fun. Emmett has to go back to Seattle tomorrow before he flies out to Oregon, so it will be nice to spend some time together before he has to leave." Said Rosalie still trying to get the stove to work.

Really? She wanted to hang out now? Rosalie was the queen of fuck off and leave me alone and now she wanted get all cuddly and let's hang out together on me.

Fuck my life.

Bella's plan worked and my libido was strong and going absolutely crazy. I was going to get Bella into bed; a real bed, not the back of my car or in the forest or something fucked up. We were going to do this right. All the crazy outside, weird, random sex would come, but the first time would be on a bed behind a closed door. Just me and her and nothing else. I looked over at Rosalie. "Oh, so we're all going to hang out tonight? You guys don't want to go see a movie or something? I think Bella is feeling kind of tired so maybe you know, we stay in, and you guys go out."

"I'm not tired." She smirked at me.

I looked at everyone again. "Oh, okay so Bella's not tired, but maybe it would be nice to give her some alone time you know. You guys away from this house, not here." I had stopped cutting and was using my hands to speak. They were all looking at me like I had three heads except for Jake who was giggling behind Rosalie. I shook my head. "No, it's gonna be a blockbuster night? Okay so we are going to hang out. Awesome, super, zippity- do-da." I stopped because I was just rambling.

I looked back over at Bella who was trying to hide her grins and smirks with her hand. "Zippity-do-da?"

"Shut up." I went back to cutting and I looked over at Jasper who just shook his head. "You guys are weird."

We continued to make breakfast in shifts and waves. Bella ate first as she read old newspapers, rubbing the inside of my thigh, grinning knowing that the second I got her alone I was probably going to do very, very dirty things to her. After she was done she started doing my job and Rosalie and I ate. I took Jasper's job and he ate, he in turn took Emmett's post and Emmett ate a lot and then the rest was for Jacob.

He was manning the stove, making eggs like a mad man. Emmett took his position back from Jasper and Jasper took over the post I originally had. He, as a joke I'm sure, pretended to threaten me with the knife and then laughed.

"You're fucking crazy dude." I shook my head.

He took the knife and pointed at the scars on his face that I barely noticed anymore. "Uh, yeah." He smiled and went back to cutting the potatoes.

I looked up and saw Jacob looking around. "Where the fuck is the kitchen Nazi?"

"Oh my God Bella!" Rosalie shrieked from the other room and then music started. Bella's eyes widened and she immediately stood and smiled and started singing along with the song. It was _Ain't to Proud to Beg_ by _The Temptations_.

Rosalie was now in the doorway singing too.

_I know you wanna leave me/ But I refuse to let you go/ If I have to beg and plead for your sympathy/ I don't mind cause you mean that much to me. _

Emmett had stopped cooking and had turned to start dancing. I looked over at Jasper who was smiling singing along with them. He looked up at me and noticed that I must have looked lost. "You've never seen _The Big Chill_ have you?"

I shook my head.

"Oh, you will. If you are going to date Bella, that is a must. She and Rosalie love it. It's like their thing and now they have found a reason to dance in a kitchen while making food funnily enough after a funeral." He shrugged and stood. "Just go dance with her Edward." He stood and started dancing with Rose and then with Emmett.

I stood and walked around the table and walked up to Bella who threw her arms around me and pushed her body into mine. _Ain't to proud to beg, sweet darling/ please don't leave me girl, don't you go/ Ain't to proud to beg, baby, baby/ Please don't leave me girl, don't you go._

She pushed her pelvis into mine again and swayed her hips. "Have you ever seen this movie?"

I shook my head and she stopped. "Blasphemer. We are doing that tonight." And she resumed dancing, moving around me to go over to Jake and danced with him. He wasn't having it though, he was making food. That was his only goal right now. Jake knew how to cook really well because when you ate as much as he did you had no other choice.

Bella moved around and started dancing again with Emmett and Jasper. Rosalie came up to me and started motioning for me to come closer with her fingers. I walked over to her and she placed her hand on my shoulder and the put her other hand in mine and we danced. "I never hated you Edward." She said after a couple seconds of silence.

"What?" I looked at her confused above all things.

"When I knew Bella had feelings for you, but still had feelings for Jasper I rooted for you. Secretly. I told Bella that I hated the both of you, but deep down I knew you were better for her. You loved her more. It was in everything you did. The way you spoke, your body language, the way you looked at her and I was barely with you when you were with her. I don't know how Jasper couldn't see it." She shook her head and laughed quietly. She was talking loud enough so that I could hear her, but only me. "And then you had to punch me in the nose and I was ready to have Emmett break your legs, but then I saw Bella's face when I threaten your life. And I knew that she loved you more than Jasper. That was the day I figured it out, why I told you that she was going to pick you the other day." She looked away from me and then back at me. "Edward, I do like you and I have forgiven you for the nose thing, it's gonna heal and I look awesome anyway." I laughed at Rosalie's pride. "I just want to tell you something Edward. Please take care of her. She is one of the most amazing people I have ever met, and she has been through so much in the last year that she deserves to be loved unconditionally by someone that's with her for all the right reasons. And I know that you are." She smiled and then it fell. "But, if you ever hurt her, I will kill you. I don't care if it's tomorrow or fifty years from now. I will end your existence." I nodded being just as scared of Rosalie as I was of Charlie when he threatened me and she didn't even have a gun. The song just ended and she parted from me, smiling again. "Good talk.

I looked at her still confused, but feeling lighter by her confession. Mine and Bella's relationship was going to flow smoothly. Rosalie, who was the queen of difficulty and was filled with what I thought was hate for me, now seemed to be on board which was a relief.

I looked over at Jacob who had just finished making the last of the food and was placing it on five different plates. Rosalie turned and looked at him. "There is no way you're eating all that." She said with her hands on her hips.

Bella came up behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. "I need to get changed before I go out. Do you want to come with me?"

I wrapped my hands around her waist. "Yeah, I do." I said trying to look seductive.

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "I mean to the store Edward, but you can watch me change if you want."

Everyone seemed to be ignoring us and was focused on Jake. "I will give you a hundred dollars if you actually eat all that." I looked over at Rosalie who was sitting down at the kitchen table shaking her head.

"You're on blondie." Jake pointed his fork at her and started shoveling food into his mouth.

Bella grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs into her bedroom and closed the door behind us.

**BPOV**

I walked towards the other side of the room and started going through the bag that Rosalie packed for me when we left. I hadn't been through it yet; I had been mainly wearing my father's clothes or Rosalie's.

I heard Edward shuffle around behind me; he was opening the bag that he brought with him. I heard the clothes he had on fall to the floor as I riffled through the bag taking out clothes looking for my favorite pair of jeans which I found and pulled out.

I threw them on the bed behind me and looked at Edward who only had a pair of loose acid washed jeans on, sitting very low on his hips making his muscular stomach look delicious. He looked at me with a grin on his face as I took off my shirt and turned to him pulling my bag with me.

I was topless subtly pushing my breast together with my arms. I looked up at him through my lashes and he knelt on the bed and slowly shuffled towards me. I had my left hand in the bag looking for my favorite cotton t-shirt. It was blood red and had no pictures on it. I barely wore it, but it was my favorite and I wanted it now. I remembering seeing Rose place it in here and I was feeling around for the familiar material.

Edward was right in front of me now, taking my face in his hands kissing my whole face. Placing light kisses on my cheeks, eyes, lips, forehead every where he could plant a kiss he did and then my hand hit something hard in the bag.

I moved along the surface of it and gripped around the edge of it. It was smooth and slightly heavy and it was only just before I pulled it out of the bag I realized what it was. I stopped moving towards Edward and let my right hand that was sitting on his waist slowly slide off and grip the other side of the present.

He immediately noticed that there was something wrong with me and stopped kissing me. I was holding a gift in my hands that I had picked out with Edward months earlier and had wrapped a few days prior.

I felt the tears coming again. I didn't want this day to be about this. I knew that my father had died only four days ago, but I didn't want to spread my gloom all over; that's why I was acting so upbeat. I hated burdening anyone else with my sadness. I wanted and needed to be sad, but I wanted to do it alone or with Edward but no one else.

"Bella, what is that?" Said Edward as he ran his hands up and down my arms.

I felt the first tears roll down my cheeks as I slowly ripped the paper off exposing the words _The Great Gatsby_. "Rosalie must have seen it and assumed cause we going to be here for Christmas." I trailed off and he moved aside so I could sit down on the bed. "What am I supposed to do with this?"

Edward wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. "Bella." He tried to pull the book from my hands but he couldn't; my grip was fierce on it. "Bella, you need to let go of the book."

I started shaking my head. I felt the tears hitting my bare chest and looked down to watch them roll off Edward's arms. I looked up at him into his green eyes that only wanted the best for me.

He was lightly tugging at the book and I let go of it. I wrapped my arms around his neck; our bare chests touching for the first time. "He was the only family I had left. What I going to do?" I wiped my nose against his shoulder and murmured an apology.

I heard him laugh. His skin was so warm and he smelled so good; musky with a slight hint of whatever deodorant he was wearing. "Bella, your family is downstairs. Your family is sitting right beside you." I looked at him my tears subsiding, he continued. "We may not share blood, but we all love you like we do."

He wiped the tears from my eyes again for what felt like that millionth time in the past two days and smoothed the hair away from my face. "I'm sorry Edward, I'm so sorry."

He laughed again. "Bella, you are allowed to be sad. You don't have to put on a strong happy face. We all know you are going to be sad." He kissed me again. "I was surprised that you were up before me, I thought you were going to spend the whole day in bed."

I laughed. I needed to get up early to talk to Jasper. He was already awake when I got downstairs sitting on the couch drinking coffee that he had made which was almost as good as my dad's watching an episode of _Family Guy_ that my dad had recorded on PVR.

I sat down and took the coffee out of his hand and had a sip. I looked at him as he watched the TV. His hair was falling in front of his face and he was still in his suit, but he had taken off his jacket and his tie. "How'd you sleep?"

He looked over at me. "Surprisingly well considering I slept on the couch." He took the coffee back from me. His brow furrowed and I knew that he wasn't telling me something.

"I talked to Alice yesterday." I tucked my hair behind my ears.

"Oh yeah." He said sounding a little surprised.

"Yeah, I went to talk to her after I saw you and I said and did some things that I'm not to proud of." I didn't want look at him, but he wasn't saying anything so I looked over at him. He was staring at me with wide eyes and made a motion with his hand so I continued.

It all spilled out of me like word vomit. I told him everything in about two minutes playing with my hair and rubbing my neck in embarrassment. I was nervous when I told Edward but telling Jasper was something entirely different; he loved Alice in a way that no one ever would and I was telling him all the awful things I had done to her.

He just stared at me with no emotion on his face; his eyes weren't wide his mouth wasn't open, nothing. He was just staring. I stared back at him waiting for him to do something and then his mouth curled up and he started laughing. He was laughing; I had made him laugh. And it wasn't just a chuckle he was laughing from his belly. I had never seen him laugh like this. He was doubled over in true laughter and tears were starting to form in his eyes.

"What's so funny?" I did not understand what the fuck was so funny.

He was shaking his head trying to speak but he couldn't. He was almost cackling running his hands through his hair.

I was getting mad. "What the fuck are you laughing at? I just told you I roughed up and verbally abused your old girlfriend that fucked you up and you're laughing. Aren't you mad? It wasn't my place." I was looking at him like he was insane.

He wiped underneath his eye. "I'm sorry, it's just funny."

"What the fuck are you two laughing about and could you talk any louder?" Rosalie said standing in the doorway of the living room before she wandered into the kitchen. She was pissed because we had woken her up.

I looked back to him. He had finished laughing but was still chuckling trying to keep his face as serious as he could. I did this strange thing with my body like I had lost all control of my muscles and my voice got really whiny. "Jasper."

"I'm sorry the idea of you fighting Alice is just funny and the things you said I should have said. I guess I did." He was getting more serious. "Alice was never a confrontational person. Even if someone provoked her, she would just turn and walk away. The fact that she attacked you means that she is losing it and I know I shouldn't want her to but I do, just a little." He shook his head. "It makes me a bad person, but I just want her to feel what I felt even if it's only for a few moments. And the fact that she did makes me laugh." He handed the rest of his coffee to me. "I don't know why but it does." He looked back to the television and stretched out. "Maybe I'm a sadist."

I didn't pry much after that and I told him what happened with Carlisle. He questioned me a little more and then we discussed Alice a little further and he told me his side. We talked like this till Jacob went outside and announced that Alice was at my home and I went outside to talk to her with Edward.

It was strange how no one in my life was acting the way I was expecting them to. Maybe it was because my father had just died.

I came back to Edward. I stopped thinking about my morning and looked at him just focusing on him taking his hands and moving them up my waist to my breasts which he happily started to massage. I was being a tease. I knew that he wanted to wait because he wanted it to be special and I was giving him a hard time about it. I kissed him. "What movies do you want to rent?"

"What are movies?" He said looking at my breast now flicking my nipples watching how my flesh moved underneath his hands.

I laughed. "Edward, you've got a date to take me on before you get your key to the goody room." I paused. "Your rule not mine."

He looked up at me. "I get to do this before I get the key to the goody room?" He stared at me and I nodded at him with a look on my face that said obviously because you are doing it. He smiled. "Nice." Oh Edward, you are such a boy.

I laughed and took the shirt and put it over my head pulling it over his hands. He just raised his hands up and pulled it off of me. I looked at him grabbing the shirt again. I was feeling slightly better and was no longer crying. I was slightly concerned with my erratic mood swings though, they made me feel like I wasn't in control of myself. I had never grieved like this before and just assumed that the mood swings were a part of my grief. Three seconds ago I wanted him to touch me and now I wanted to go to the movie store. I was going to piss him off royally. "Edward." I said in a slightly whiny tone.

"Oops." He said like what he did was an accident while grinning like a fool. "How did that happen?" He placed his hands back on my breasts.

I put my shirt back on and I pulled hands away from me. "I'm sorry Edward I'm all fucked up I have no idea what I want." I made this strange motion towards my head that involved a lot of finger flailing.

He sat down on the bed with his butt resting on his heels. He shook his head and his face was serious. "Bella, you don't have to be sorry." He looked away from me and rubbed his bottom lip with his finger and then looked back at me. "But you are a fucking tease and you're doing it on purpose."

I giggled. "Is it bad that I take some moderate pleasure in watching you trying to restrain yourself?" I shrugged moving closer to the door.

"You're a sadist Bella Swan." He grabbed a shirt out of his bag and threw it over his head. It was his T-Rex shirt.

I nodded. "Yes I am." I said; now I was the one grinning like a fool.

"Let's get out of here." He paused. "Oh!" When he said this it scared me and forced me to jump.

"What?" I said turning to look at him clutching my chest.

"I just wanted to say Cate Blanchett and Katherine Hepburn, best work they've ever done." He smirked clearly pleased with his joke.

I crumpled up my face and shook my head. "Oh no, that was bad Edward."

He looked slightly insecure and shook his head as well. "No not good."

"No." I smiled and kissed him again before grabbing his hand and leading him downstairs into the kitchen where Rosalie was counting money.

"I thought you were loaded." Said a smiling Jacob who was sitting in front of five empty plates, he looked over at Rosalie.

She looked over at Jacob shooting daggers of hate with her eyes. "I haven't been to the bank yet." She started counting through her money again. "I owe you like $4.50"

He leaned back in the chair. "Rosalie Hale owes me something. It's a very nice place to be, let me tell you." He grinned again.

Rosalie stood and kicked the chair and Jake fell backwards onto the floor and she walked up to me. "Are you guys going to the video store?" She asked me smiling.

I nodded.

"Cool can you rent me_ Clueless_?" She asked sweeping her hair behind her ear.

I nodded and then turned walking into the living room where Emmett and Jasper were watching a cooking show. "Do you guys want me to rent anything in particular?"

I could hear Edward putting on his shoes and coat behind me and Jasper looked towards me. "Rent _Eraserhead_ and we can watch it at like two o'clock in the morning and it will fuck up your brain." He looked really excited.

I nodded. "Okay _Eraserhead_, Emmett." I looked over to him.

"_Die Hard_." He didn't even look at me.

I turned and walked towards Edward who was holding out my coat for me and I placed my arms into the sleeves and slipped my feet into my shoes and left my house. "We are going to have the most random movie night of ever."

He held my door open for me and I slid in while he ran around the front of the car and got in. "I want to rent _Kiss Kiss Bang Bang_."

"And _The Big Chill_; yep most random movie night ever." We got there and spent about two hours looking through movies. In the end we rented _Clueless_, _Eraserhead_, _The Big Chill_, the fourth _Die Hard_ because the first three were rented out, _Boogie Nights_ and all three _X-Men's_.

We bought more junk food than any six people should eat and watched all eight movies and _Eraserhead_ at two o'clock in the morning was a bad idea; it fucked my brain up royally and I dreamt of the moon faced girl telling me in heaven everything is fine.

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**For all of you that haven't scene Eraserhead or The Big Chill I have left links to the scenes that I refer to in my chapter on my profile. The last line of this chapter makes no sense unless you have seen the moon faced girl sing that song. **

**Thanks so much to everyone that reads this and all of the newbies. You are welcomed into my heart. XO for you guys. **

**Anywho, I just got called for supper and living with my parents again blows but at least I don't have to cook for myself.**

**Oh yeah and watch True Blood it will rock your socks clean off. Ashley and I are addicted and you will be too. **

**Please review. They are my drug, the air I breathe. I love them.  
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	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Hey everyone. So I'm gonna get you all excited. You all should know what this means. Mom don't read this chapter just skip over it and I will tell you what happens later. Love you. **

**Saranic as you know I base pretty much everything on you and if you like it I feel pretty good about posting it and you liked it so I feel pretty good. Thanks sweetheart. **

**Into. Scrapes, drkvctry(this was the first time I spelt your name without having to look it up), Claire Bloom, TRDancer, ARenee363, Lottie2303, Tuesday Jane, Charley Cullen, gcgonc and inside-the-disarray I love you guys. **

**Ashley. I forgot you last time. I'm sorry. I saw you like ten seconds after I posted the chapter and apologized immediately. I hope you like this. I know I am going to get text messages asking me why I did the things I did. I love you babe the three weeks I've spent in this town have been bearable because of you. XO **

**So this is the date. There is a link to the dress Bella where's on my profile. **

**Away we go. **

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**BPOV**

We didn't get to the date until three days after the side of the house blow job. Things kept getting in the way like people, packing, and our movie education. We watched a lot of movies in those three days. We also starting going through my dad's things which was hell and caused me to cry buckets.

Finding drawings I had made for him when I was six in his night table was by far the worst. I couldn't fathom why he would keep something from me during all those years I was awful to him. Edward assured me it was because he loved me. We boxed up his clothes that I didn't want and neither did any of the boys and some of his belongings and gave them to a charity. I wanted this house to be clean and organized before I left it; before the beginning of the new term.

It was a Friday afternoon and Emmett had left two days prior to go home to Oregon and Rose had been sulking everyday since he had left. We were sitting on my couch Edward to one side of me and Rose on the other. Rose had her head resting in her hand as we watched Lee Pace bring dead people back to life and chase after the love of his life that he couldn't touch. She kept sighing every time Ned said something sweet. Edward was biting his thumbnail and his knee was bouncing like crazy.

Jasper was asleep on the arm chair; apparently _Pushing Daises_ wasn't really his taste.

I looked over at Edward who just grinned at me and then went back to his nail biting and knee bouncing. We watched an entire episode before Edward stood and pointed at me. "You."

"Me." I pointed at myself. I felt Rose sit up. She was going back to Idaho in a couple of days but wanted to stay as long as she could to make sure I was alright.

"Go upstairs and get in the shower and do all the girly things girls do to look pretty and I will be back here in one hour to pick you up. We are going on a date." He was moving toward the door.

Rose stood and clapped. "I'll do your hair and make-up."

I stood and walked to the door as Edward put on his coat and shoes. "Does Italian sound good?" He asked me coming towards me. I nodded. "Good." He kissed me. "I'll see you soon."

He left and I heard his car start and drive away. Rose looked at me. "Get in the shower."

I nodded and ran up the stairs. I got in the shower and made sure it was quick. I got out and opened the door to let some of the steam out. Rose popped her head out of my room along with her arm and three dresses. "Which one do you like?"

I picked a navy blue dress with beaded straps. It was tight and flirty and would drive Edward crazy. Rosalie curled my hair and did my make-up and like I requested, kept it simple. "Why are you so fucking giddy?" I asked her as she applied eyeliner.

"Why aren't you? It's your first date and you aren't excited." She put the eyeliner away and started looking for the appropriate eye shadow.

"Of course I'm excited. I just have a different way of dealing with it." I was examining my hair before she motioned for me to look up at her. "He won't have sex with me until we go on a date."

Rose stood up straight. "Really?"

I nodded. "Apparently he wants to make an honest woman out of me or something. He wants our relationship to start out right or something."

Rose chuckled. "Well, it's a little late for that now isn't it?"

"As frustrated as I am, it's insanely sweet and makes me want him that much more because of how insanely adorable he is." She swept the brush over my closed lids.

"Well, I'm excited for you. Do you think you'll do the deed tonight?" She got out the blush and told me to smile.

"I hope so, but you and Jasper can't be here when we get back, okay. Take him somewhere. Make him show you his house and then get drunk and-" She started shaking her head and backing away from me.

"No, no, no, no I am not having sex with Jasper just so you can have sex with Edward." She placed her hand on her hip while she waved a finger on her other hand at me.

I shook my head and looked at her like she was crazy. "I was going to say pass out, but it's good to know where your limits are."

She grinned at me like a bitch, taking out a light pink gloss and applying it with a lip brush. "I bet he will take you somewhere expensive and he'll be dressed nice and he'll smell good. Edward seems like a 'for serious' kind of date guy, not like a bro you know?" Rosalie had a language I didn't understand. "He is actually gonna wanna wine and dine you just not take you to a kegger or to like an arcade."

I looked up at her. "An arcade?"

"I dated a lot of losers in high school." She backed away from me. "You are lucky have found Edward and you look beautiful, not that it was hard to make you that way."

"Awe Rose, you big softy." I stood and looked at myself in the mirror. I did look pretty awesome.

"Bella? Rosalie?" I heard Jasper shuffling around downstairs.

"Yeah." I yelled skewing Rosalie's make-up job more to my liking.

"What are you doing?" I heard his voice getting closer.

Rosalie who had left the bathroom to grab me a pair of her navy blue satin pumps was walking back to me. Good lord this girl travelled with a ridiculous amount of clothes and foot wear. "Here."

I took them from her and placed them on my feet. I was really lucky that Rose and I were the same size. "I'm getting ready to go out."

He had reached the top of the stairs and he looked into the bathroom. He stopped and his eyes went wide. "Wow."

I blushed slightly. "Thanks."

"Where are you going?" He asked leaning against the railing.

I didn't really want to talk to him about Edward. We had only broken up five days early. I didn't want to flaunt the fact that I was comfortable with Edward; that I had moved on and really didn't have to recover from the end of our relationship. I guess I felt like I hadn't really lost him. We were friends and I liked that. "I'm going out with Edward."

I passed him and started to walk down the stairs with them following me. "He is going to love that dress. You might not even make it to where ever it is you're going when he sees you in it."

After I walked down the stairs, I walked over the closet and removed my jacket and threw it over the banister of the stairs. I turned and smiled awkwardly. I didn't really want to discuss fucking my ex boyfriend's best friend so candidly. We were friends, but I don't think we were there yet. "Yeah well, that's the point I guess. Why we ladies dress the way we do."

"Well, you look good and I'm not even kidding. Edward is going to lose his mind because that's his favourite color or at least his favourite shade of blue." He smirked. He was trying to be supportive. He was trying to act like my friend, but I could tell underneath it all he was just as uncomfortable talking to me about it as I was.

"Jasper let's get out of the house and go do something tonight." Said Rosalie smiling. "We've been cooped up in this house all week and it's a Friday night. Show me all the wonderful things that Forks has to offer."

"I think you saw it all the last time you were up here."

"Well show it to me again. I'm gonna go get ready and I suggest you do the same." She turned and ran up the stairs.

Jasper looked at me. "I guess I'm gonna run home." I was going to offer him keys to my dad's truck, but he didn't live that far and I knew he would enjoy the walk. I nodded and opened up the door for him.

Standing on the other side was Edward with his arm in mid air getting ready to knock on my old door. I just stared at him and smiled. He didn't have a coat on which I thought was a little silly because it was freezing out but he looked fantastic. He was wearing black dress pants and a black suit jacket. The white shirt he had on wasn't a dress shirt but it was close and the first three buttons were undone. He was really put together except for his hair. It was a sexy dishevelled disarray of sex; it touched the tips of his eyelashes as he stared at me with eyes hooded in lust, want and desire.

"Hi." I said blushing.

He shook his head like he was coming out of a trance I put him in and smiled his crooked smile that made me melt just a little. He stuck his hand out that had a bouquet of red roses in it. I looked at them and then at him. I couldn't believe it. Not once in my entire life had any boy brought me flowers of any kind. My entire heart melted as I stared at them as he came towards me and handed them to me, closing the door behind him.

He came up to me and looked over me one last time with his stunning eyes before he brushed the hair away from my face. He lightly kissed my cheek while holding the square of my jaw with his thumb and index finger. "You look beautiful."

I looked up at him and smiled blushing. "Thank you. You look very handsome." He really did; so handsome in fact that I felt my knees wobble slightly and it caused me to fall into his chest slightly; Rosalie was right he did smell amazing. He steadied me laughing slightly.

"I'm gonna go." Said Jasper as he stepped around us, opening the door and slipping out, trying to be as invisible as possible.

Jasper's exit shook me out of the trance Edward had put me in. I smiled even wider looking at the flowers. "They're beautiful Edward." I turned to the kitchen and looked around making a long drawn out 'uh' noise as I thought about where a vase would be. I turned and looked at him. "I don't have a vase."

He smiled and grabbed my coat off the banister and held it out for me. "We'll get one on the way home. Just put them in the sink with a little water."

I filled the sink slightly and stuck them in and walked back to him. I slipped my arms into the sleeves of my black coat and did it up. I turned back to look at him and smiled. It was at this moment I realized that my heart was beating like crazy. I was nervous. I couldn't believe that I was nervous. I had known him for months, we knew everything about each other, we had be intimate sort of and I was fucking nervous.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked me still flashing his crooked smile as he opened the door for me.

I stepped outside and he closed the door. He caught my hand and intertwined our fingers as we walked down the four stairs from my house. It was just starting to get dark and the way that almost surreal light that twilight light gave off lit us both, making me feel like I was in a dream.

He opened his car door for me like he always did and I got inside. He got in and started the car and he looked at me. "I made reservations at a restaurant in Port Angeles is that all right?"

I smiled and nodded. What was up with my lack of verbal communication? I was so nervous my palms were sweating. He turned on the stereo and _Ballad of a Well Known Gun _started by _Elton John_ started to play. I put my hands together and clutched them to my chest. "Oh, I love this song."

"I know." He said turning off my street and heading towards Port Angeles. I held his hand while he drove and we said very little on the car ride there. I really had nothing to say. It was nice. I felt for the past couple of days all I had been doing is talking; explaining things or defending people or myself. It felt nice to just sit in the comfortable silence and enjoy each other's presence. I was also really enjoying the _Elton John_. It was a mix of his songs, some that Edward had thrown together catering to the songs he knew I liked the best.

He pulled up to this tiny little restaurant that I wouldn't have seen unless he pointed it out to me. It had very few tables on the inside. It had a warm feeling to it and it was lit to fit the mood. It was romantic and I liked it. The waiter showed us to our table and took my coat from me. Edward leaned over and slipped him something and then sat down and faced me. "How do you feel about red wine?"

"How do I feel about red wine? Uh, I like it I guess. Not all the time but occasionally I suppose." I tucked my hair behind my ear.

"You'll like this one." He said smiling again; his beautiful crooked smile that I knew he would only smile for me from now on.

"They're going to serve us wine? We're minors." I was really impressed that Edward had such pull with people.

He smiled and hesitated before he spoke. "Uh, my uncle owns this restaurant and the waiter is my cousin."

I laughed. "For a second there I thought you were captain suave. It was very impressive." I relaxed; I felt like I was talking to Edward again. He wasn't a showy kind of guy and even though I thought it was nice that he was trying to impress me, I really just wanted him to act like himself.

"Yeah well, I tried." He rubbed the back of his neck. He was embarrassed.

"Awe, it's very endearing." I reached out across the table and touched his hand. The way the light was hitting his face made his perfect jaw line look even more defined and I involuntarily bit my lip. I smiled again and shook my head. "Is this your mother's brother?"

"Yeah, this is one of her seven brothers. David."

"Did they have seven brides?" I asked lazily feeling completely relaxed.

"What?" He was so confused and no idea what I was referring to.

"Nothing." I said looking up at Edward's cousin who was pouring wine into each of our glasses.

"Thanks Mike." Said Edward. Mike was looking at Edward, then to me, then back at Edward. Edward shook his head and then smiled rubbing is bottom lip with his thumb. "Mike, this is Bella."

"Hey." He looked over at me with his hand stuck out. "I'm Mike."

"Bella. It's nice to meet you." I smiled politely.

"Likewise." He placed two menus in front of us and then turned to Edward and gave him the thumbs up.

I looked at Edward with wide eyes. "So that's my cousin Mike." He said after Mike had left.

"Subtly is not his forte, huh?" I said opening the menu.

"Mike was dropped several times during infancy. Don't hold it against him." He laughed.

We ordered; he got the steak and I ordered the mushroom ravioli. I eased back into my seat and sipped my wine. He did the same and then leaned across the table. "So, where did you grow up?" He cocked his eyebrow.

**EPOV**

She thought me asking a typical date question was funny. She took the glass of wine and raised it to her lips and sipped before she answered. "I was born in Forks but raised in Arizona. You." She giggled happily playing along.

"Born and raised in Forks." I said taking a sip of the wine that was worth the hundred dollars I paid for it. She nodded her curled hair bouncing, rolling off her shoulders falling down between her breasts. The dress she was wearing was made for her and was making my dick twitch. That color against her skin was a sin. She kept trailing her fingers along her collarbones and in between her breasts. She was doing it on purpose too. I could tell by the way she was looking at me.

"Your mother has seven brothers." She said looking around the restaurant like she was assessing it. "That's a lot of kids.

"My mother is Italian Irish." I had never really told her much about my family. This never really came up in any of our conversations before. It was nice to know that we still had new things to learn about each other. "She was the only one of the eight that got the Irish look. The pale skin and lighter hair. The Italian in her is the reason Alice has dark hair."

She nodded. "So you're Italian Irish, what's your dad?"

"He's German. Well, his parents are German. He was born in New York. My grandparents came over here when they just married in 1966." I ran my hand through my hair.

"Can you speak any German?"

"God no, I can't be bothered to learn languages and I never really saw my dad's parents. They never really liked coming around because they hated my mom."

Her face crumbled in confusion. "How could anyone hate your mom?" She brought the wine to her lips again and took another sip. "She's the bees knees."

I laughed. "Did your parents have any siblings?" I asked finishing the only glass of wine I was going to have.

She shook her head. "My mom is an only child and my dad did have a sister, but she died of pneumonia when she was four. And all my grandparents died when I was little."

"God, I'm sorry Bella." That sucks. She really wasn't kidding when she said she had no family left.

She shrugged like she was saying that's the way it goes sometimes. "I can't really remember any of them so it doesn't make me sad. My dad was the first person I ever really lost." She looked away from me and looked out the window just for a second like she was thinking about something. She then turned back to me smiling at me. It was a smile that said she was happy to be here with me.

"What's your heritage?" I asked.

"My dad's parents both born in England both moved to Seattle when they were little, they met when they were seventeen married a year later moved to Forks and had my dad. My mother's father was Spanish and her mother was Canadian. It's the reason I have dark eyes and hair and really pale skin." She finished the glass and I filled her glass up again. "Are you trying to get me drunk Mr. Cullen?"

"I thought that was obvious." I laughed and so did she. The wine was hitting her though, not making her drunk, but turning her cheeks the sweetest shade of pink. She looked down and the light hitting her eyelashes cast shadows across her elegant cheek bones. Her lips pouting as she lightly dragged her tongue across them as they curled into the slightest smile that fell before her eyes met mine again. I wish I knew what she was thinking.

Our food came and it was fucking good. My uncle was cooking tonight and he was good at it. "How's the food?"

"Really good." She looked euphoric and I could tell that was she was eating was good, she really meant it as she practically purred the words.

We really didn't talk much when we ate and that was fine. It was weird how comfortable I was with her when we weren't saying anything. Mike came and took our plates away. I wasn't sure if she wanted to stay and sit or if she wanted to leave. I wanted to bring her somewhere but only if she was ready to go. "I wanna take you somewhere."

"Okay." she said finishing the last of the wine running her hands through her hair.

I smiled and ran into the back and thanked my uncle, he made me pay for the wine but not the food. He said he wanted to meet Bella so he came out and shook her hand. They talked for a half hour about how to make the mushroom ravioli. He wrote her out the recipe and gave it to her. She beamed and showed it to me like I didn't watch it all happen. Then she grabbed my hand after she put her jacket on and pulled me outside and headed towards the car.

"No, no." I said as I pulled her towards me.

"Edward, look at my shoes." I looked down at her feet. The heels made her legs look killer, but they also looked like they were killing her feet.

"It will only take us one minute to get there I promise." I pulled her along and she pulled back.

I stopped to look at her and she walked towards me, placing her hands on my chest pushing her body into mine and kissed me lightly. "Thank you for dinner."

I smiled. "You're welcome."

She turned and held my hand and followed me to my Uncle Leonard's music and record shop _A-track_. I took the keys I had kept from when I used to work there out of my pocket and unlocked the door and led Bella inside.

I flicked on the lights and I heard her gasp and she turned to me. "We mustn't dwell... no, not today. We CAN'T. Not on Rex Manning day." She turned back and walked through the store letting her hand run over the records. I laughed quietly to myself. This place always reminded me of _Empire Records_ and that was the first place her mind went. It made me love her more.

"What is this place?" She asked turning back to look at me taking off her coat and placing it over the railing of the staircase that led to the second floor and listening booths.

"It's my uncle's record shop. He opened it when my grandparents died and left him an inheritance." She moved through the floor looking through c.d.'s and cassettes.

She walked over to the counter and started to look over it. "What are those?" She asked pointing and a serious of records that were lined up against the wall.

"Those are original pressings." I said leading her behind the counter.

She thumbed through of few of them before she stopped and pulled a record out. She gripped in her hands and looked at me. "This is _The Tumbleweed Connection_. You're telling me this is an original pressing of _The Tumbleweed Connection_?"

I nodded.

"Oh my God." Her mouth was open and she was staring at it like she was holding a diamond. "This must be expensive."

I shrugged. "Do you want it?" She looked up at me like I was insane and then laughed.

"Take it." I said running my hands up and down her arms.

She looked up at me like I had just offended her. "I just can't take it."

"Yeah, you can. I'm telling you can. Leo will understand." He would understand when I came into the store tomorrow, apologized and paid for it, but he would understand none the less.

"Are you serious?" She was so sceptical.

I nodded. She smiled and squealed a little doing this weird hop thing before she wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me. I pulled her towards me and kissed her back. I pulled her bottom lip into my mouth and sucked gently while her tongue came out to meet mine. I picked her up and placed her on the counter taking the record and placing it aside.

I ran my hand up her smooth legs and under her dress. I kept moving upward expecting to find the material of her panties, but I was met with more of her smooth skin. I parted from her and looked at her face with my hand still hovering in between her legs. She was panting slightly and her lips were red and swollen. She looked so good. "Are you not wearing panties?" It was a stupid question because I knew she wasn't; my fingers were already running up and down her wet folds.

She grinned and shook her head.

Fuck, she had been going commando this whole time. Sweet Jesus.

I still had something I wanted to show her. Plus I didn't want to have sex with her here on the counter, but I knew that we weren't going to make it back to her house. I knew it was going to be in the back. I was going to make love to the girl I loved on top of the thing I loved second most. "I want to show you something."

She cocked an eyebrow. "Oh yeah, what do you want to show me?" She said undoing my belt.

I picked her up, placed her on the ground, and held out my hand. She looked a little disappointed and a little shocked. She sighed. "So you really want to show me something?" She sighed again. "Okay." She followed me and I pulled her into the back.

"My uncle bought this when I started working here back when I was a teenager. The one in my house is good but nothing like this one." I opened the door to the back room and there she was the most beautiful baby grand I had ever seen. It was ebony and was as shiny as the day he bought it. The keys still looked like they had never been touched. The cover was down reflecting the moonlight that was coming through the skylight above our heads.

I sat down at the piano while Bella walked around the room and touched all the guitars, strumming them lightly.

I sat down and let my hands hover over the keys just for a second while I closed my eyes. I placed my fingers on the keys and started to play. It occurred to me that I had never played this aloud. This was the first time I was hearing what it sounded like coming from a piano. I opened my eyes to see Bella stopped in one spot her body slightly twisted looking in my direction with a confused look on her face. "I know this." She said walking towards me.

"This is your song. I wrote this for you." I looked back down at the keys. "I hummed it to you after your mother came for her visit."

She nodded. "Right." There was a pause as she let me play a little longer. "It's beautiful. I can't believe that you wrote me a song."

I looked at her the moonlight making her pale skin look white, her brown hair look black and her pink lips look red. I stopped playing and pulled her towards me picking up where we had left off. She turned and leaned her back into the keys; I pushed against her. The sound that came out of the piano was a deep ominous sound that echoed through the room with its high ceilings. For some reason that sound turned me on even more than I already was.

I moved my hand underneath her skirt and grabbed her hips pulling her closer to me. This resulted in her hitting more keys and it made me groan while my tongue massaged hers.

I was rock hard and the feeling of my cock pushing against my pants was painful. So I picked her up and walked her to the side of the piano. I placed her on it pushing my erection into her so that she would know it was there and ready to be unleashed. I felt weird taking off my own clothes I wanted her to do it. I wanted to the shred the dress she was wearing. I would have if it wasn't so nice and looked so good on her. I wanted to see it on her again, so I decided that peeling it off of her would be just as good.

She moaned when I pushed my cock into her leg. She brought her hand down and started rubbing me through my pants while she started pushing my jacket off with her other. I pulled her closer to me so that we were so close the back of her hand was practically on her pussy while she continued to jack me off through my clothes.

I was looking for the zipper to her dress. I ran my hands up and down her back looking for it when she laughed. "What?" Why was she always laughing?

"It's on the side." Her hand left my cock and I let out a whimper when she did. She started unbuttoning my shirt. I managed to get her zipper unzipped. Fuck, I have a love/hate relationship with her clothes. She pushed my hands away from her so that she could push my shirt off of me.

I went back to kiss her, but she backed away from me and stared at my stomach as she ran her hands down it. She was smiling like a kid that just got the bike they wanted. She looked up at me. "My hands literally ripple down your chest." She looked back at my stomach.

I laughed. "How does this come off?" I asked pointing at her dress. It was just easier to just ask instead of fumbling around with it for like twenty minutes until she told me how to do it anyway.

She pushed me away and jumped off the piano grabbed the ends of the dress and pulled it up over her head. It was the first time I had seen her completely naked. Things slowed down for second while I took a moment to look at her. Her whole body was pale and looked like white silk in the stark moonlight that lit it. She was thin but not bony; she looked soft and slightly curvy. Her breasts were still small but perfect for her. She had no hints of sagging. I looked her up and down as I placed my hands on her soft warm flesh and pulled her closer to me. I looked at her face and even in the dark I could tell she was blushing. I had embarrassed her with my ogling. "You look beautiful."

She smiled and swung her head causing her hair to fall behind her shoulders down to the mid of her back. I let my fingers lightly trail up and down her spine; she shivered slightly and brought her hands up to my pants and slowly undid them as I leaned down to kiss her.

She pushed them down along with my boxers as far as she could without parting from my lips. When I picked her up again and placed her on the piano the boxers and pants fell down around my ankles. I knew that I had a condom in my wallet so I pulled away from her to completely take my pants off to retrieve it.

She sat up with me gripping my shoulders. "Where are you going?" She was panting and sounded slightly disappointed.

I looked at her with a small smirk. "I'm just getting a condom." I laughed a little as I removed my pants and started looking for my wallet.

"Oh, fuck the condom." She waved her hand around as if to dismiss it.

Fuck the condom? I did not want a baby. Maybe one day but not now. "Bella." I was looking at her like she was crazy.

"I'm on the pill." She sat up motioning with her hands for me to come back to her.

Well, if she was on the pill. I came back to her and started kissing her again. I leaned her back on the piano and ran my hand down her body and inserted two of my fingers into her. She gasped. "I want you inside me."

Well, the lady gets what the lady wants. I wrapped my arm around her waist and brought her as close as I could get her to me without actually entering her. I was looking at her, dead in the eyes and she looked right back. I wanted something from her. I didn't want her to do something that Jasper told me that she did, so I told her what I wanted. "Bella."

"Yeah?" She was wiggling trying to push herself towards me but I wouldn't allow it.

"Don't be quiet okay, I want to hear you. I want to hear what it sounds like when I make you cum."

She stared at me like she couldn't believe what I had just said to her. She pulled herself up and wrapped her arm around my neck. "Make love to me Edward."

And I entered her slowly.

**BPOV**

Did he just ask me to be loud? He wanted to hear what it sounded like when he made me cum. Cocky little fucker, I had no doubt that he would make me scream his name and speak to him in languages I didn't even know I knew, but he was cocky none the less. He knew that he was going to get me to hit a seven and he wanted to hear me when he did, he wanted me to moan and sigh and scream, fuck I would yodel for him if he asked.

And then he entered me, slowly so I felt him, all of him, every inch as he pushed into me filling me like every girl longs to be filled. I was no mathematician, but he was easily eight inches maybe nine and all of him was in me, he was the biggest I had ever been with. It hurt me a little, but just a little, and in the best kind of way.

I was looking at him; our faces were parallel and he was staring back at me. He hadn't moved yet and he just stared at me with this look in his eyes that I couldn't quite place. It was almost wild and he smirked a little and then pulled out of me almost to the tip and then pushed back into me. I whimpered when he did.

"Louder Bella." He started to develop an excruciating slow rhythm pulling out and pushing back into me as deep as he could go. I wanted to cry out the way he wanted me to, but I couldn't because I didn't think it would feel like this. I didn't think that it would feel this good. My lower abdomen was already tightening and I knew I was going to cum soon. How did he do that? He had barely done anything. He hadn't been in me more than two minutes and I was already almost there.

He picked up the pace and was thrusting into me and a speed that was perfect. "Like that." I said removing my arm from his and lying back down on the piano. The sex on the piano was hot. I knew he loved the piano. I knew that seeing me like this on something that he loved just as much as me was probably adding something to this sex that I couldn't even imagine.

I felt it. The first wave of orgasm and I started moaning out loud just like he asked me to. I always went out of my way to stay quiet, but I had to tell myself to let go; to just experience it and do whatever my body was telling me to do.

My hands tried to grip the smooth surface of the piano and my back arched. "Edward." I started panting and moaning and sighing letting the orgasm take over my whole body. He wanted me near him and he linked his arm under my arched back and pulled me towards him again. "Edward." I wrapped my arms around his neck kissing and sucking it as I pushed myself into him; my body convulsing next to his. I moaned into his ear as I took his earlobe into my mouth.

He moaned back pushing the small of my back into him. I was practically teetering on the edge of the piano as the orgasm came in full force and for some reason I thought the appropriate response to my orgasm was to bite him. I sunk my teeth into the muscle between his neck and shoulder and dug my nails into his back. He didn't really moan or groan, he growled and thrusted into me harder and faster.

He grabbed me by the back of my neck and pulled me from him. He didn't stop fucking me but he slowed. He was looking at me with the wild look in his eyes and looked down at his chest. He couldn't see the bite, but he could sure as shit see the blood that was trickling from it. I fucking bit him hard. He leaned into me and ran his tongue along one side of my jaw to the other and whispered into my ear. "Lick it off of me." The tone of his voice was aggressive and slightly authoritative. I liked it when a man told me what to do when we were in bed, like he was demanding me.

He wanted to make love but the sex had changed. I guess we were still making love but it was hot and passionate and slightly strange rather than the lovey dovey sex I expected. So I looked him in the eyes as I leaned forward and he thrusted into me again. I moaned loudly not expecting him to do it. He thrusted a few more times before he stopped so I could get close enough to him to lick his blood off him without bouncing around all over the place. I was slightly disoriented. I still hadn't recovered from my orgasm and now he was asking me to drink his blood. I couldn't lie, as bizarre as it was I found it insanely sexy.

I always wanted guys to get rough with me or allow me to get rough with them. It was weird because the other two guys I slept with, who you would think that they would let me bite them or scratch them or do weird shit to them, didn't like it. They were too noble to do those things back to me, but now I actually found a really great, straight laced guy and he was all about that shit.

The blood stopped in the middle of his chest muscle and I stuck out my tongue and decided to start there. I licked the salty, coppery liquid from his body. I made my way back up to the ragged skin my teeth had cut through. I tongued the cut and he moaned and started fucking me again as he groaned let his head rest against mine.

I began sucking on the cut drawing the blood out of his body and he fucked me with fervor as I came again. He had stamina, we had been fucking for almost thirty minutes by that point and he showed no signs of slowing down. I was sweating, moaning and groaning and swearing into his skin as I sank my teeth back into his cut.

"Bella, I'm gonna cum." Okay so biting him made his stamina decrease. He grabbed my hips and thrusted the few last times before he came. He moved away from me but didn't pull out and rested his head against my chest breathing heavily.

I brushed my hands through his hair and kissed his sweaty forehead. "Are you okay?" I asked concerned.

He looked up at me and smiled and kissed me. "I'm better than okay."

I looked down at the bite mark. "Fuck Edward, I'm sorry." I lightly moved my fingers over the shape my teeth had left in his flesh. I leaned over and kissed it. He was still bleeding and his blood was left on my lips and he leaned into kiss me again. "You like all this shit, huh?" I asked pushing the hair that had matted to his forehead away.

He nodded. "I can't believe that you actually bit me." He looked at me and kissed me again gathering most of my hair and unsticking it from my body and then he looked me in the eye again. "Can I bite you?"

"Hells yeah you can bite me." I smiled tilting my neck up as I felt him grow hard inside me again and I knew I had found something special with Edward. He grinned and lowered his mouth to about the same place I had bit him and sunk his teeth into me.

We had sex three more times, again on the piano, over the counter in the front and in once of the listening booths upstairs before we stumbled out exhausted to his car. "Are you sure you are going to be able to get us home?"

"I think I can manage." He said putting on his seatbelt changing the c.d. to _The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars_ and I smiled naturally loving this album.

I fell asleep in the car on the way home. He woke me up by licking and kissing my neck. "Hey." Said as he brought my lips to his.

He helped me out of the car and walked me up to my front door. "I had a really good time tonight." He said smiling.

I blushed. "Me too."

"Well-" He leaned in and kissed me. "Good night."

"Good night." I said opening my door and stepping inside closing the door. I looked towards the kitchen and saw the roses and remembered that we didn't get a vase. I looked around and found a tall pot thing and placed them in there. I heard a knock on my door.

I opened it to find Edward standing on the other side with the sweetest smile on his face. "Hi."

I smiled back. "Hi." I bit my lip and moved aside motioning for him to come in.

He grabbed my waist and pulled me towards him. "We need to get you into the shower." He grinned and then kissed me again.

I nodded. "I've been very, very dirty." I kissed him again and then parted. "You know what? I've never had sex on the first date before." He smirked. "Does that make me a slut?" I asked him.

He looked away from me like he was seriously contemplating what I had just said and then looked back at me. "Yeah, I think it does." He laughed.

I smacked his chest. "Fuck you." I went to kiss him but he was too tall. He needed to pick me up. It was the one thing I could think of that wasn't compatible; our height. He was almost a foot taller than me and that made things difficult. "Pick me up."

He did as he was told and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He almost had me pushed up against door frame of the kitchen when Rosalie made her presence know. "Hello." She sang.

It scared me and it made my body jolt backwards causing me to hit my head in the door frame. "Fuck my life." I said bringing my hand to the back of my head.

Edward put me down and Rosalie rushed over. "Oh my God Bella I'm so sorry – what the hell happened to your neck?"

Right I forgot about that. I just stared at her and then she looked at Edward and started pushing his clothes around clearly looking for the marks on him too which she found, she found several of them actually. Not all bites, some of them were hickeys. "What are you doing here?" I asked ignoring her question. "What happened to going to Jasper's house?"

She shrugged. "I told him that, but I think he figured that I was trying to get him out of the house so you two could fuck. And I think he's trying to cockblock the both of you."

Wow. I guess it makes sense. It can't be easy for him knowing what we were doing. I felt guilty for being so careless with Jasper's feelings, but I found it strange that he would be encouraging it before we left and now he was cockblocking us.

"But by the looks of you two it doesn't matter that much anyway." She lightly dragged her fingers along the first bite mark that Edward had left on my neck. "You both look and smell like sex. You can keep the dress by the way." She eyeballed the both of us and then raised her hand and pointed at me. "I want details later."

I laughed through my nose and nodded. I looked up at Edward who was looking at me like he couldn't believe that I had just told Rose that I was going to tell her about our sex life right in front of him. "What like you aren't going to tell Jake?" He grinned. Uh-huh that's what I thought.

Jasper came flying out of the living room. "Rose-" He stopped when he saw both Edward and me. I immediately pulled my hair around any part of my body that Edward could have bitten. "Oh hey guys. We are watching the first couple of _Star Wars_-" I looked over at Rose whose look told me she was less than thrilled to be doing so. "Do you want to watch with us?"

No Jasper, not really but we will. I looked at Edward who was already talking. "_A New Hope_ or _The Phantom Menace_?"

"_A New Hope_."

Edward's eyes lit up. "Give us like ten minutes we just need to change and shower and things." He grabbed my hand and I watched Jasper face fall just before he pulled me up the stairs.

He pulled me into the bathroom and closed the door unzipped my dress and pulled it off me while turning the shower on. "In you go." He pointed at the shower and he started to undress.

"Are you excited Edward?" I placed my hands on my hips.

"I haven't seen _A New Hope _in like five years. It was like one of my favourite movies when I was a kid. In you go." He picked me up and placed me in the shower.

I looked at him, as he stepped in as well, shaking my head. "Nerd."

"Hey _A New Hope_ is a classic and you read graphic novels and comics and know all the words to every John Hughes movie ever made." We switched spots and he let me stand under the water.

"That's true but when a hot chick likes those things it's hot, not nerdy. You are a nerd." He motioned for me to turn around and started shampooing my hair. He was fucking shampooing my hair. Why would he do that? We had ten minutes and he had to go do something as sweet as shampooing my hair for me. I wanted him again.

He turned me and rinsed out my hair. "Do you do that whole conditioner thing?" I nodded and he passed it to me. "I would suggest that we wash each other but if we did that we would never get out of here."

I conditioned my hair and then washed my body. Edward was done before I was but waited for me. I handed him a towel and took two for myself wrapping one around my body and using one to wrap my hair in. We walked towards Charlie's bedroom and got changed, making out all the while until we were both done and walked down stairs.

I left my hair down to hide my marks and sat down beside Edward who was sitting beside Jasper. They were both making lightsaber noises. They were definitely on the fast track to Friendsville, they had been like this all week.

But I didn't like the feeling I got when I thought about Jasper trying to prevent me and Edward from being together. I felt guilty. I didn't want to feel guilty for being with Edward. It felt great, right, natural being with Edward and I didn't want to know that my ex was feeling hurt because I did. I guess it was to be expected but I needed to talk to him about that. I didn't want to feel that way.

Rose came back into the room with ice cream and liquorice and forced her way onto the couch and handed me a spoon and we watched _A New Hope_ and I felt normal for the first time in a long time.

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**So the sex. The biting. I like the blood. I thought it was hot. I wrote this and giggled like an idiot. I hoped you liked it; it got a little crazy and not so much sweet although there were sweet elements. Again I must know what you all thought. **

**I started reading another story and as you all know when I read something I like I must tell everyone about it. It's called Broken by inside-the-disarray. Edward and Bella both have haunted pasts and they are both very dark. She has a fantastic writing style and it is an easy read I read it in a day it was so good. Check it out it's in my favourites and believe me you will not regret it. **

**This is not the last chapter. This is the beginning of the end. There will be more chapters including another JPOV for all you Jasper lovers. **

**The Eddie and Bellie awards are coming up and I would really appreciate if you guys could go and vote for my story in any category you think it fits into. I'm leaving a link to it on my profile. If you love this story please send in a nomination. **

**Thanks to everyone that reads as I say I love you all and I really do. **

**Reviews please. Please review. **


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: So I was watching Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire today and Rob has like 6 lines in that movie. He's so dreamy though. **

**Saranic I complained all day so thanks for listening to me. You really are my Sandra Bullock.**

**Into. Scrapes, drkvctry, Claire Bloom, TRDancer, ARenee363, Lottie2303, Tuesday Jane, Charley Cullen, gcgonc and inside-the-disarray I love you guys you're always so supportive. **

**Ashley I'm giving you a shout out like I always do. I haven't seen you a lot lately and that's why I finished this relatively quickly, you keep me out. XOXO. **

**Okay so I hope you like this chapter. Some things get wrapped up, some things get started and there are some lemons. Yay!**

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**EPOV**

"Why do you have to go today?" I was whiny and I didn't want her to go.

"Edward, I told her that I would go shopping and I have no Christmas gifts. I have to get gifts for everyone, Jasper, your mom, you." She threw on a _Nightmare on Elm Street_ t-shirt and started looking for pants while I sat on her bed.

"The only gift I want from you, you don't have to buy or wrap." I grabbed her as her arm flung near me as she started going through her drawers and throwing clothes everywhere. I pulled her close to me, having her straddle me on the edge of the bed. I lifted up her shirt and licked her stomach, all around her belly button and down to the waist band of her panties. She ran her hands through my hair. "Wait." I said, looking up at her.

"What?" She said letting her head lull forehead looking very displeased that I had stopped.

"I know what you can get me for Christmas. I want you to by those things that hold up stockings. You know, they have the thing and they go around your waist over your panties and you clip them to the sheer stockings." I was really hoping she would tell me the name of what I was trying to tell her.

"You mean a garter?" She stepped away from me and put on some pants.

"Yeah, a garter and a corset; maybe to push everything up and out." I was demonstrating on myself like I had breasts.

She smiled at me. "Okay, your sister is going to love helping me pick out lingerie for her brother." She threw my pants at me.

"Please don't buy this stuff with Alice there." The last thing I wanted was my sister to see what my girlfriend was going to look like before she fucked me.

"Oh I'm buying it." She cocked her eyebrow. "Come on. I told Alice that I would be at your house in like ten minutes."

"What am I supposed to do?" I said, lying back on the bed.

"Hang out with Jasper."

"I'm fucking ready to kill Jasper."

"Tell me about it."

He hadn't gone home yet. His parents were getting home in two days and since Rosalie had left three days prior, he was always trying to get us to do stuff with him. I wanted to work on my friendship with him, but it was really started to get irritating because the only moments I had with Bella were stolen ones. If he went to the bathroom or to his house to get something or he fell asleep we would instantly be all over each other, or we would try to get some sexy time in when we showered. The problem was neither of us had the heart to tell him to fuck off. Jasper had always been a 'suffer in silence' type of guy and with the exception of his suicide attempt. I had never really seen him express much of any kind of emotion other than happiness.

He would get super emotional when he was drunk, but normally he never really talked about his feelings. But I knew he was hurting. It was in his eyes every time I mentioned Alice or Bella touched me or we mentioned alcohol or partying in any way. It was rough for him. That's why I couldn't tell him to leave, because him being alone was even worse than him being here annoying the shit out of both Bella and I.

So we endured it because we both knew we had fucked him over in some way and in a couple of weeks we would be back in Seattle. There we could have all the alone time we wanted, but it still didn't change the fact that I wanted to drug him or something. Find him a hobby, a girl, anything to occupy his time that wasn't Bella or me.

I sighed and followed her downstairs when we were both ready to go. She went into the living room and starting sorting through her purse. Then she joined Jasper and I in the kitchen. "Jazz, what do you want for Christmas?" She asked.

"Nothing." He responded putting the book he was reading away. He was reading a lot more lately, going through whatever Bella had in her house.

"Well, I'm gonna get you something, so tell me what you want. And then you will have something you actually want as opposed to what I think you want." She leaned up against the door frame and stared at him.

"I want _Breakfast of Champions_. It's the only Vonnegut book you don't have and I read all the others." He stood.

Bella smiled. "Was that so hard?"

Jasper rolled his eyes. "I want to come with you, to your house Ed."

Big fucking surprise. "Sure man. Are you sure you want to do that though Alice is going to be there for a little while before she leaves with Bella?"

He shrugged. "I've survived this long."

I weighed with my head what he said and motioned for him to come along while Bella got her coat on and stepped outside. Jasper stepped out after her and then I closed the door behind us. We got into my Volvo and drove silently to my house. It would be the first time I had been home in almost five days.

As fate would have it, the one time I did decided to go home to see my mother, sister and collect some clothes was the same night my father decided to do the same. I entered from the side door on the kitchen and said hello to my mother who was making something to eat for Alice and her.

"Hey." I kissed my mom and sister on the head and sat down in the other stool that Alice wasn't occupying.

"Hey." They both said in unison as I took some of the cut cumber and stuck it in my mouth.

"How's Bella?" Asked my concerned mother.

"She's good. We have most of the house packed up." I looked down and then back up at her quickly. "Oh, she wanted me to ask you if you wanted to come over and go through some things to see if there was anything that you wanted."

She nodded and swallowed hard. "She could have phoned." My mother was upset, but she was trying to hide it which she did terribly.

I nodded. "She could have, but she's not much of a phone kind of gal."

"Has she said anything about us going out?" Asked Alice looking slightly scared, like she didn't know if asking me about Bella was okay.

"Not really, I would call her if you are really serious about doing something." I took half of her sandwich when my mom placed it in front of her.

She smiled taking the other half. "I will."

"Remember to take it easy on her if you do go out she's not as…" I looked at my mom hoping that she would give me the right word but she didn't, she was somewhere else and I wished that I didn't say anything to her about Charlie. I looked back at Alice.

"Energetic as you are." I finished the sandwich.

"I know." She said taking half of the sandwich that my mother had just finished making and placed in front of me.

"Billy and Jacob are coming over for Christmas. Is there anyone else I should set a place for? All your uncles and cousins are coming this year, it's my turn." She said rolling her eyes putting things back into the fridge.

"Bella is going to join us." I said finishing off the second half of my sandwich.

"Good." She sat down and started eating. We were silent for a little while until we heard the front door open and close. I looked at Alice then at my mom with a furrowed brow.

My mother looked slightly scared. "Edward."

"What?" I did this thing with my body that said 'what do you want me to do?'

"Go see what it is?" Said Alice hitting my arm, she was whispering.

"Okay." I got up regretting I came home and I walked into our foyer. I looked around and grabbed an umbrella from our closet and headed upstairs. I walked up the stairs towards my parent's room where I heard a noise.

I opened the door and saw that the closet light was on. I walked slowly distancing myself from the closet holding the umbrella out in front of me. I finally saw my father standing there throwing clothes into a bag. He looked over at me as a wave of relief came over me and I threw the umbrella on the bed. I knew I didn't need a weapon to take him.

He looked at me with a furrowed brow. "What the hell are you doing?" He asked completely monotone, not even phased by my sudden presence.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked. His face was still fucked and I smiled still pleased that I had done that to him.

"I'm getting some things. I didn't think anyone would be home, but I was wrong." He walked out of the closet and over to his bedside table. He took some things out while I just stared at him. He looked over his shoulder at me. "I got fired from my job. Apparently a man that sexually assaults young women isn't good for the hospitals image."

"Good." I said smugly looking down at him as he sat on the bed.

"I've got a friend in Chicago with a job there for me, so I'm moving." He went back to looking through his shit. I'm sure Alice wasn't going to be too thrilled because even though she was mad at him, she was still daddy's little girl.

I just stared at him not knowing what to say, so I said exactly what I wanted to say. "I really fucked up your face."

He laughed. "Yeah, you did. At least you learned how to do one thing right."

Was that a compliment? Almost I think. "You were a lousy father."

"Yep."

"And once you leave today I never want to see you again."

He stood and walked up to me looking me dead in the eye, he was just a few inches shorter than me. "That's fine with me."

I stared at him. "Thanks for not pressing charges." Where this comment came from I had no idea.

"Well, every bastard gets to do one good thing in their life and I decided to waste mine on you." His eyes got really sad for just a second; it was so quick I didn't know if I actually saw it, but I'm pretty sure it was there. Then he turned and walked away from me. "Don't tell them I was here."

And then he walked away from me and even though I was happy that I never had to see him again, I felt my heart get heavy and I longed for him to be back here. It was a feeling that passed before I left the room, but it made me feel funny that I had felt it none the less.

I went back downstairs. "What was it?" Asked Alice looking really excited.

"It was dad." I sat back down and told them what happened.

I thought about that night as I parked my car beside Alice's turquoise 1965 Audi that had finally come back from the shop. I hated that car but she said it had character.

Bella hopped out of the car and stared at my sister's car. She looked at me. "I want this car."

"Twenty dollars." I said pointing at her.

"Done." She jumped up and down and clapped her hands together in a quick fluttery motion and smiled widely.

"Alice is going to be pissed that you just sold her car." Said Jasper, walking past us towards the house.

"This is Alice's car?" She asked, pointing at it and grabbing my hand as we walked towards the house I nodded. "Hmm, maybe Alice and I will get along just fine." She kissed my hand because she couldn't reach my face.

We walked into the house that smelled like pies. My mother was baking for Christmas. We walked into the kitchen and her face lit up just like it always did when my mother saw anyone that she loved. "Hey kids."

She came around the counter and kissed me, Bella and then Jasper on the cheek. "You're all looking well."

"Thanks Esme, you too." Said Bella, walking around the island looking at what my mother was doing.

"You don't mind if Jasper hangs out here do you mom?" I don't know why I asked this. Jasper practically lived here when he was dating Alice.

"No, of course not; stay as long as you'd like." He walked into our living room and turned on the TV. _The Matrix_ was on and it was universal law that if _The Matrix_ was on TV then it must be watched; so watch is what Jasper did.

"Esme, I wanted to talk to you about something and I'm sorry that I left it so late." She brushed her hair behind her ear and went red slightly. My mom turned to angle herself towards Bella. "I was wondering if I could cook Christmas dinner. I've done it every year since I was fourteen; even when I lived with my mom, and it's just something that makes me feel…" She looked for the right word.

"Grounded." My mother smiled.

"Yeah, grounded."

My mother looked at Bella and then to me. "Bella is an amazing cook, mom." She had been cooking for Jasper and I all week and some of the stuff she made me want to marry her. Fantastic sex, good food and engaging conversation-what else did I want in a wife. I'm nineteen and thinking about getting married, I needed to get a grip.

"Well, it would be nice to have a Christmas where I did nothing, there is going to be so many people here. And I could entertain properly." She smiled and I wondered if my mother could give up control like that for a whole day.

"Yay! I promise you won't regret it. When I get back from the mall with Alice I'll take an inventory of your fridge." She turned and walked towards me just as Alice came bouncing down the stairs.

"Mom, have you seen my hair clip? It's like brass and has these red ruby things in them." She stopped and smiled when she saw Bella. "Hey Bella." She said and gave her a hug that looked really uncomfortable for both parties.

"Are you ready to go?" Questioned Bella, looking Alice up and down trying to gage if that's what ready looked like to Alice.

"No, like five more minutes." She looked over and saw Jasper. "Hey Jasper." She waved really awkwardly like she was unsure if she should.

Jasper smiled and waved, but said nothing and then focused back on the TV. I knew he wasn't watching what was on the TV anymore, he was thinking about Alice and how close she was. He was probably breathing in deep trying to find her scent; looking at her in his peripherals, memorizing the way her hair looked just then, how the light made her skin look impossibly white and how she pouted when she was dismissed by him. He was seeing all these things and like always suffering in silence.

"I'll be right down." She ran back the way she came and Bella moved towards me and put her arm around me.

Bella lightly pressed her lips to my temple and then broke away from me. "Esme, what do you want for Christmas?" Her hand ran through my hair.

"Whatever you think I would like dear." She threw the apple peels in the compost bin. I smiled; my mother knew that Bella was going to insist on buying her something so she didn't even try to argue. My mother was different given the events that had changed her life over the past couple months. She looked healthier and impossibly younger; she looked good and regardless of a sadness that I knew was plaguing her, she had a slight smile that never left her face.

"Okay I guess I'll surprise you then." I looked up at Bella who had this weird awkward skewed smile on her face. She looked down at me as kissed me and then smiled my favorite half grin.

"Ready." Sang my sister as she bounced down the stairs.

Bella's eyes widened and then she kissed me again and walked over to Alice. "Okay. Bye everyone." Said Alice who headed towards the front door.

"See you guys later." Said Bella looking slightly nervous and then she walked out trying to catch up to my sister.

I turned back around and looked at my mom. "I'm gonna run into town. I gotta get some things together for Bella's Christmas gift."

"What are you getting her?" She finished laying strips of dough over the top of the apples and placed it in the fridge.

"Big surprise. It's something she kind of always wanted and I'm gonna get it for her." I stood up. "Yo Jazz, you cool to stay here?" I regretted saying anything. I was giving him an opportunity to come with me and that was the last thing I wanted.

"Yeah man _The Matrix_ is on."

Good. "I'll be home in like an hour okay?" I stood up and walked around the counter. My mother nodded and I kissed her head. I left and in an hour I was back and everything for Bella's gift was arranged. I just had to pick it up Christmas morning; they were going to stay open for me.

It looked like neither of them had moved since I had left. I thought Jasper was asleep until he looked up at me when I walked over. "Dude _The Matrix_ just finished. _The Empire Strikes Back_?" Jasper said looking at me like he knew I wanted to, he was nodding his head.

I did want to. "Yeah." I went upstairs to my room and grabbed not only the original trilogy but the new trilogy as well. That was the type of day it was going to be.

**BPOV**

"I love your car." I said as I walked around to the passenger side and got in.

"Thanks, everyone but me hates this car." She tucked her hair behind her ear and put the key in the ignition.

"My mom had a 1969 Audi and I loved it. I always wanted one." I did have all that money now. Maybe it wouldn't hurt if I bought one. "Edward actually sold me your car this morning."

"Did he?" She said pulling out onto the road.

"Yeah, for twenty bucks." I said laughing

"He was going to sell Tina for twenty bucks!" She was silent for just a second. "Ass."

I laughed at the fact that she had named her car Tina and she turned on the stereo. "What kind of music do you like?" She asked me.

"Um, I'm a big fan of the seventies, eighties new wave and most of the sixties, I'm in a _Beatles _mood right now though."

She was looking through c.d.'s while driving with her knees. She looked over at me with a blank expression on her face and said, "Who are _The Beatles_?"

I just stared at her trying to comprehend what she had just said. "Excuse me?" It was the only thing I could think of to say.

She started laughing. "I'm just kidding. I know who _The Beatles_ are. I grew up with Edward and Jasper and one summer they had this fixation with the _White Album_ and _Sgt. Peppers_ and listened to them like a million times. I know a lot about music because of them." She lifted up a c.d. and threw the rest in the back seat. "This is the greatest _Beatles_ compilation of all time." She put the c.d. in and out came _Maxwell's Silver Hammer_; one of my favorites.

We got on the highway and she started to ramble. I let her; it was nice to not have to sit in an uncomfortable silence because I knew that silence between Alice and I would be uncomfortable. "Not to say that I don't love a lot of shitty music, I mean I'm a dancer you know. Like I love Britney."

"Who doesn't love Britney?" I said relaxing into my seat. In a lot of ways she was like Edward and I found it easy to not only listen to what she was saying, but to find it interesting too. Alice looked over at me with wide eyes. "My room mate Rose is a huge Britney fan so I've listened to like every one of her albums like half a million times. And most of it is pretty good. I can stand it. Plus she's a punk. She shaved her head, then attacked Kevin Federline's car and the paparazzi with a beach umbrella, that's fucking hardcore." I closed my eyes for my favorite part of _She's Leaving Home_.

"That is true. It's catchy and really easy to dance to." She drove really fast and we were in Port Angeles in no time. We were going to a mall just outside P.A. "Oh my God, you should totally come out to New York and visit me. Have you ever been?" I shook my head. "You will love it. There is so much culture and its go-go-go. The MOMA is amazing." She rambled about how awesome New York was. I sighed slightly knowing that I actually wanted to go to New York. I knew I would have no problem staying and hanging out with Alice while I was there.

She wasn't the person I thought she was. We had gotten off on the wrong foot, but I knew that she wasn't going to hold that against me. I really had nothing against her except for what she did to Jasper, but in all honest that had nothing to do with me. It was something that Alice and Jasper had to work out. I knew that no matter what happen or how good of friends we became my loyalties would always lie with Jasper.

But Alice had a way to make you feel welcome in every way. No comment or idea or thought was stupid, they were just that and she commented on them seriously. She wanted to hear what you had to say and the few times I did talk on the way to the mall she listened and gave me advice or her opinion. I liked Alice and I could see what our friendship would look like. I knew that that was a problem because there were two men waiting for me who really wished that I wasn't doing this right now. I knew that Edward had no desire for me to be buddy buddy with his sister. I knew that Jasper was afraid that I would become her friend and I would end up choosing her over him. So I had to be careful, but I was going to enjoy myself today because honestly I thought I deserved it.

It would be nice to spend time with someone that really knew nothing about me and I whom I knew nothing about. We could talk about something other than my strange relationships and my father; even though I knew probably both of them would come up.

She parked the car and we walked towards the mall. "It's going to snow today." She said looking up at the sky.

"You think?" I said looking up too. The sky looked pretty clear to me.

"Yeah, I can feel it." She held the door open for me and I walked into the super busy mall.

"This was a bad idea." I hated crowds.

"Bella, Christmas shopping is a sport and I never lose." She pointed at herself and then took my hand and led me through the mall.

We passed a Barnes and Noble. "I need to go in here." I started tugging her and we walked into the book store.

I scanned the shelves in the fiction section until I got to the V's. _Breakfast of Champions_. "Who is that for?" Inquired Alice.

"Jasper, he said he wanted it." I shrugged and started examining more books.

"Really?" She sounded shocked. "I don't think I've seen Jasper read a book ever, unless it was for school."

"Well, he's read every Vonnegut book I own in like two weeks, so maybe he's changed." I didn't want to talk about Jasper anymore. She thought she still knew him but she didn't. That irritated me. I knew the less she knew about him now the better because when she found out she knew nothing about him it would upset her. "What should I get for your mom?" I asked changing the topic.

"She loves _The Great Gatsby_ if you want to get her something here. She has a copy but it's pretty torn up." She said scanning the titles pulling a Nicolas Sparks book off the shelf.

I turned and faced her. "She loves _The Great Gatsby_?"

Alice put the book back on the shelf and nodded her head. "Yeah, I asked her why one day and she told me that her first boyfriend loved it and used to read it to her and it just became one of her favorites. She reads it all the time."

Alice obviously didn't know that her mother's first boyfriend was my father. I turned away from her and clenched my jaw at the thought of him and Esme together. Esme was the woman that he should have had, the woman that he deserved. Not my mother. It made me sad because he deserved her, but if they stayed together I wouldn't be here, Alice wouldn't be here, and Edward wouldn't be here.

"Do you want to get it for her?" She asked me.

I shook my head. "Let's go." I was fighting back tears.

"Bella, are you okay?"

I nodded. "I'm fine." I smiled and blinked back the few tears I had. I walked towards the register and purchased Jasper's book.

We left the store and I recovered. We walked around the mall while Alice talked about what she got Edward for Christmas; an original pressing of _Electric Warrior_ which I knew he would love. It reminded me I had to get something for Edward. I took Alice's hand again and we went into a Victoria Secret.

I started looking around for the garters. I got to them and I looked at all the different colors until I found just the right one. I got an idea for something that was totally cliché but I knew Edward would love. I found one that had a white sheer detachable wrap that did up on the right side and went down to the middle of my upper thigh. I found a white lace thong and white stockings. I just needed to get the right bra and I would need to go to a costume store for that.

I looked over at Alice that was holding a nighty up to herself. "Alice, do you know if there is a costume shop in this mall?"

"What for?" She said looking at what I had in my hand and then back up at my face. Her face crumpled up in disgust. "Awe, ew. Are you dressing up for my brother?"

"Alice." I said turning red.

"Awe you couldn't have done this without me here?" She turned and walked away from me.

"Alice, is there a costume shop in here?"

She nodded.

"Okay, I need to go there later." I said going up to the counter. I bought it and looked at Alice with a smug smile. "I need to go buy shoes, too."

She rolled her eyes and then they widened. "We have to go in here." She pulled me into a store that sold nothing but hats. The hats were pretty amazing. Like grand show hats.

I was immediately drawn to this black satin top hat that had feathers on the side and a black net that came down over my face. "What do you think?" I asked looking at Alice.

"Hot. Get it." She turned. "Oh, let me buy it for you for Christmas."

Why not? It was fun to get weird totally impractical gifts for Christmas and I did look pretty fucking good in it. "Okay, but only if you let me buy you one."

"Deal. I want one of those _My Fair Lady_ hats up there." She pointed up and a clerk got the hat down for her. She put it on her head and it looked like it weighed almost as much as she did. She looked up at me and it did look pretty good on her. "How do I look?" She said holding her arms out to the side.

I smiled widely. "Gorgeous darling, absolutely gorgeous." I tossed my hair behind me like I was Cher.

She laughed. "I'm so getting it."

"Where would you wear that?" I asked her as we walked up to the counter.

"You'd be surprised all the places you could wear a hat like that in New York and no one would bat an eye lash. This hat will be worn." We paid for them and headed to get shoes. I bought some four inch white satin heels. Then we went to the costume store and searched until I finally found what I was looking for. I picked up the package and smiled even though I only needed one part of it I knew he was going to love it. It was a creative reimagining of the character as Rose would put it.

"Seriously." Said Alice as she came up behind me and saw what I was holding. "Doesn't every girl do Princess Leia for their boyfriends?"

"He likes _Star Wars_ and every guy that watches _Star Wars_ has a massive hard on for Princess Leia." I picked up a tiara and placed it on her head.

"Can we please not talk about Edward's hard on please?" She walked ahead of me and then stopped suddenly. "We are buying a piñata." She held a _Dora the Explorer_ piñata in her hand and started nodding her head.

"Why not?" I shrugged.

"Yes." She carried it will her she paid for the piñata. I paid for her tiara and my Princess Leia costume.

We walked around the mall a little more and I got presents for Jake and Billy and something that Edward could actually open on Christmas morning. I bought him a notebook for him to write music in; I thought it was meaningful and something that he could actually use. I bought Jake a white t-shirt that said 'Are you going to eat that?' written on it. I thought it was so him I had to buy it. I spent the whole day giggling like an idiot every time I thought of it. I spent a little too much on Billy, but he had been such a good friend to my dad I couldn't help it. Billy loved my dad's flat screen so I bought him one. I had no problem spending some of my dad's money, especially if it was for his friend.

A guy that worked at the electronics place carried the TV out to the car for us. When we stepped out side it had snowed about a foot. I stood there with my mouth wide open and looked down at Alice who smiled at me. "Told you." She said walking out to the car sticking her tongue put trying to catch snowflakes.

The guy managed to stuff the TV into her back seat and then we drove home much slower than on the way there. We sang a lot on the way home. _Pat Benatar_, _Joan Jett_, and _Duran Duran_ the eighties were very much alive in that car. I laughed after belting out Love Is A Battlefield. "I really didn't think I was going to have fun today."

"Yeah, me neither." She eyed me and turned off the highway. "You know I'm not as big a bitch as I'm sure Edward and Jasper made me out to be. I really am a nice person most of the time."

I shook my head. "I know I just, it's hard, you know, I trust them and they didn't speak to highly of you. I judged you. It was the reason I came out with you today to make up my own mind and I like you Alice." I looked at her and smiled.

"I like you too, Bella. You are not the girl I thought you were. And I think that you are good for my brother. You seem to be just like it him except you have a little more grace and poise." She said brushing the hair out of her face.

"Grace and poise are not words that are usually associated with me." I said laughing.

"I'm glad we did this though." She said turning onto her street.

"Yeah, me too." I said nodding.

We said nothing else until we got her house; we arrived there safely and walked into her home. I walked into the living room to see Edward, Jasper and Esme all watching _Star Wars_. They were so into it that they didn't even notice that Alice and I had walked in.

"Hey." I said and all three of them jumped.

"Hey." Said Edward, who jumped up and came towards me. "Did you have fun?" He said kissing me lightly.

I nodded and looked at Alice. "Yeah, I got everything I needed."

"And then some." Said Alice rolling her eyes running up the stairs I'm assuming to put her things away.

"You bought the garter in front of her didn't you?" He whispered to me quietly.

I nodded.

"Really?" He asked as he snaked his arms around my waist. "Can I see it?"

"It's a Christmas present and you will get it on Christmas." I said pushing myself up against him kissing him again letting my tongue run along his lip. "I need your help with something."

"I bet you do." He said biting my bottom lip.

I sighed. "I need you-" He pushed me out of the living room area and we were now in a sitting room. He had picked me up and my feet were dangling, he was kissing and licking his way up and down my neck.

"Uh-huh."

"And Jasper-" I cooed.

He parted from me and cocked his head. "What?"

I looked him in the eye. "To get a TV I bought out of the car." I leaned towards him and slowly slid my tongue into his mouth and then lightly kissed his lips. "Thanks."

He slowly put me down with a smirk on his face. "Jasper."

"Yeah." He yelled.

"You gotta come and help me with something." He said as he past me and started walking towards the door.

Jasper came around the corner and ran right into me. "Sorry, where's Edward?"

"I bought a TV you need to help him get it out of the car." I smiled at him.

He smiled back and walked past me to the front door. There was something different him and I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I walked behind him and saw Edward with Alice's car door open trying to pull the TV out. "This is fucking huge Bella."

"That's what she said." Jasper and I said in unison.

He rolled his eyes. "Who did you by this for?"

Jasper was on the other side of the box picking it up as they brought it towards the house. "I bought it for Billy. He loved Charlie's, so I figured I'd get him one."

"If I knew you were willing to buy big gifts I would have asked for more than just a book." Said Jasper as he grunted, readjusting his arms around the TV.

"Ha, ha, ha." I said doing a fake mock laugh. "I don't like you nearly as much as I like Billy, Jazz."

"Oh." He said sadly as they put the TV down in the foyer. I laughed at him again and went into the kitchen. I looked out into the living room and Esme and Alice were talking to each other.

Jasper entered looked at Esme and Alice and then turned and looked at me. Edward came in right after and took the seat beside Jasper. I opened the fridge and then turned and looked at him. "Paper and pen."

He pointed to the counter behind me and I saw a container filled with paper and pens and took what I needed. Then I went back to the fridge. She had almost everything I needed, except yams and marshmallows which I found strange.

"I need to go to the grocery store. You guys want to come" I said looking at the two of them.

They both nodded and I looked past them, not even thinking and opened my mouth. "Hey Alice, we're going to the grocery store do you want to come?" And just as the last word escaped my mouth looked over at Jasper with wide eyes. It was cool for me and Alice to hang out and Edward and Alice to hang out, but Alice and Jasper together probably wasn't the best idea. I started shaking my head trying to say sorry as his nostrils flared slightly.

"I would love to." She said appearing beside Edward almost out of thin air. It scared the shit out of Edward and he clutched his chest. "Jesus Alice."

I smiled at her and then shot a look at Jasper as we all headed towards the door. Alice led the way while Edward and I followed with Jasper behind us.

I said that I wanted to drive Alice's car and that she had to sit up front with me to make sure I was doing it right. So that way Jasper and Edward could sit in the backseat. While I was driving to the grocery store as Alice rambled on about how she liked yams with marshmallows as opposed to yams without marshmallows, I thought about how shitty this must have been for Jasper. I felt bad and wished that I had just decided to make this trip on my own.

We got there and Alice danced ahead of us with Edward, who I'm sure was telling her to tone it down, and I looked up at Jasper. "Are you okay?" I asked him.

He nodded.

"I'm so sorry; I just totally had a mind fart." I said bringing my hand to my forehead.

He laughed. "Bella, it's something that I can endure, I only have to see her for a couple more days and she'll be gone." He smiled weakly but there was something else there, something that he didn't want to tell me, but I knew if it was important he would tell me later.

We went in and made our purchases and then headed back to the car. Alice wanted to drive. "Bella, sit in the back with Edward."

I rolled my eyes; she was aware that we trying to keep them apart and Alice wasn't having it. We were getting along, but I didn't know if I liked it when she did this. I guess it was my fault, I invited her. Jasper sat next to her and played with the radio finally deciding on _Sweet Child O' Mine _which he found on one of Alice's c.d.'s.

We got out of the car and it was almost dark and still snowing. I got out and looked over the top of the car to Edward and then leaned down and threw some snow at him. It was slightly wet and stuck to his hair and face.

He stared at me with a shocked looked on his face and said, "Bitch." And collected snow off the car and chucked it at me. It missed me and I threw the bag on the top of the car and ran away from him, past Jasper and Alice towards their backyard as I stopped to pick up more snow and chucked it in his direction. I missed him and hit Alice. "Shit Alice, I'm so sorry."

She stood there and looked at me as I got hit in the back of the head by more snow as another snowball flew past my head and hit Alice in the chest. She looked past me and I turned to see Edward doubled over laughing.

I bent over and picked up more snow as I felt another snowball hit me. Alice ran past me with another snowball aimed at Edward, who started to run away from her, slipped on the snow and fell over. Alice started pelting him with snow and I ran up behind her and threw snow at him, too. He grabbed my leg and I fell on top of him and straddled him continuing to throw snow in his face.

He managed to grab hold on my wrists and was restraining me. He flipped me on my back. "Oh how the mighty have fallen." He was soaking wet, his hair falling in front of his face dripping onto me and I craned my neck up and he leaned into kiss me.

I smiled and let my head fall back onto the snow and looked around for Jasper. He had his hands out in front of him and he was shaking his head looking at Alice, who had a snowball aimed at him. I motioned for Edward to look and he got up off of me and we both reached down to make a snowball. We moved towards them and I looked at Edward and nodded and we threw them at the same time hitting Jasper in the chest and head.

He looked at both of us and then at Alice, who I could tell had covered her mouth with the hand that didn't have a snowball in it and then she chucked it at him. We stood there trying to gage his reaction. "You're all fucking dead." He said bending over picking up snow, walking towards Alice who started to run toward us squealing.

He threw the snowball and it hit my side, it hit me playfully he was happy to be included, even if he did want to be right of the bat. He caught up to Alice and picked her up covering her in the snow he had in his hand. She screamed. "Jazz it's down my back, it's down my back."

I heard Jasper laugh and let her go. She scrambled to get more snow as did he, Edward threw another snowball at me and I stood and threw some at Jasper. We continued on like this for almost a half hour.

We walked into the house cold and wet and ready to eat. I changed into an old pair of Esme's pajama pants and an old _Joan Jett_ concert t-shirt she had.

We were invited to stay and it looked like Jasper and I were going to. I made dinner, chicken alfredo, to show Esme that I actually could cook and that I wasn't going to destroy her Christmas dinner where she was entertaining almost thirty people.

Dinner surprised me because I caught a glimpse of what Jasper and Alice were like before everything happened. They were reminiscing, all four of them telling stories about high school and getting arrested and growing up in Forks. I understood what Edward meant when he said that Jasper and Alice had a pull when they were together. They moved around each other perfectly, finishing each other's sentences or thoughts when they knew the other couldn't. I was engaged as they spoke and it scared me because I wasn't sure this was right for Jasper right now.

Around ten I said I was tired and made my way upstairs with Edward to his room. This was the first time I would ever be in it. He opened the door and I recognized it immediately. "I've been in here, before at the funeral, Jasper came in here when he needed the keys to my house, and I guess it never registered that it might be yours." I said looking at him, he shrugged.

I looked around it. There was a keyboard and a few guitars in one corner of the room. He had his own bathroom and a twin bed was pushed in the corner by the door. Under the window was a desk and a dresser was pushed up against the opposite wall. He had a _Pulp Fiction_, _The Godfather_, _Taxi Driver_ and _E.T._ posters plaqued and hanging on his walls which were grey. He had a few _Star Wars_ action figures sitting on his dresser and I turned and smiled at him. "My boyfriend is a nerd."

"When I sell those and become a millionaire you will be happy your boyfriend is a nerd." He said pulling his shirt off throwing it in a hamper.

"I highly doubt that those would make you a millionaire." I said looking at him cocking my eyebrow. He smirked at me and then turned to look in his drawer. I looked around his room quickly my eyes reached his bare back again. "So, Jasper and Alice are getting alone okay again, what is you thoughts on that?"

He shrugged. "It's their prerogative." He paused and then turned and looked at me. "What do you think about it?"

"I don't know if I like it. I don't know if it's healthy for Jasper." I said nervously playing with my hair.

"I would like to say that Jasper knows what's best for him, but I guess that's not true. He was great with Alice, but I guess it's not the smartest thing to get back together with her after everything that has happened. Not so soon anyway." I draped his plaid pajamas over a chair.

I looked at him. "I guess we'll have to see what happens and just hope he does what's best for him.

He stared at me and then smiled. "You need to take those clothes off, they're my mother's and that really freaks me out."

I pointed at myself. "These clothes?" I walked towards him. "You want me to take these clothes off?" I took off the shirt and discarded it on the floor.

He nodded and came towards me and grabbed my bottoms and yanked them off so I was completely naked. "You look much better like this anyway." He placed his arm around my waist as he pulled me towards him lifting my up off the floor.

Our lips met with ferocity and passion as he moved me across the room to his desk. He parted from me and smiled. "I've always wanted to do this." He leaned me over and with his arm swept everything off the desk and allowed it to hit the floor with a small crashing noise.

"Edward." I said as he placed me on the desk.

He knelt down in between my legs which he spread wide with his hands. "If anyone asks we'll tell them I slipped."

I had no idea what he was talking about, nor did I care once he placed the first kiss on my inner thigh. I lulled my head back and moaned as he made his way closer to my center that was already wet in the anticipation of his touch. He slid two fingers inside of me curling them upward finding my g-spot while he bit my inner thigh softly.

He worked his fingers in out of me and his mouth left my thigh and his hot breath touched my clit before he lightly flicked it with his tongue. I groaned as he slid his tongue down my folds past his fingers and up again and began sucking on my clit as I covered my mouth to muffle my cry of pleasure.

I ran my other hand through his hair and he removed his fingers from me and replaced them with his tongue as he darted it in and out of me. I pushed my hips closer to his face as he stuck his tongue deeper inside of me.

He brought his fingers back and worked me with his mouth and hand, rubbing my clit with his thumb. My hips started to buck towards him. "Edward, Edward." I leaned my body further back and hit my head of the window. I gripped his hair with both my hands and closed my eyes and I pulled his hair roughly as I came moaning a little louder than I should have.

I let go of his hair so he could stand as my chest heaved. He took the fingers that he had inside of my and brought them to my mouth and ran them over my lips. "Taste yourself." He said as I parted my lips and he slid his fingers in which I began to suck.

He leaned into me and whispered into my ear. "So sweet." He said as he bit my ear lobe. I groaned around his fingers and I reached for his jeans and undid the button and unzipped them reaching in wrapping my hand around his cock.

He grabbed my ass and lifted me up so that I was positioning his cock right at my opening. He moved over to his bed and sat down still holding me against him until I switched positions so my legs were kneeling on either side of him and I slowly lowered myself onto him.

Just as I was about to start moving myself up and down someone knocked on the door. Up until that moment I totally forgot that there were other people in the house. I looked at Edward. "Say something." I said tightening myself around.

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes and I smirked as I moved my hips around in a circle. "Yes." He said threw clenched teeth.

"Honey, is everything alright in there?" Said Esme on the other side of the door.

"Yeah mom, everything is fine." He looked at me and shook his head as I slowly pulled myself up and slowly lowered myself back down rotating my hips again as I pushed down trying to get him as deep inside as I could.

"It just sounded like something broke or fell. Can I come in?" I heard the door handle jiggle.

"No, no mom its fine don't come in I'm uh-" I looked at me as I slowly rode him making his eyes lull slightly back in his head. "I'm, I'm-" He clenched his teeth again and bit my collarbone which caused me to moan and then licked his way up my neck to my earlobe before parting from me again. "I'm masturbating mom."

I bit my lip and tried not to laugh as I quickened my speed leaning back grabbing hold of one of his shoulder and place my other hand on the bed between his legs. "You're masturbating?" She said sounding kind of uncomfortable. "With Bella in there?"

He was running his tongue around my left nipple as he pinched the other one between his thumb and index finger. His mouth left my nipple and I whimpered quietly. "No, she's in the shower."

"I can't hear the shower." She said as I started riding him faster and harder and he let his head rest on my chest. "Good lord." He said.

"What?" Said Esme. I really wanted her to leave my lower abdomen was tightening and Edward decided that it was a good idea to take two of his finger and start rubbing my clit which intensified my approaching orgasm and caused me to yelp.

"Mom can I just talk-" he groaned. "Can I just talk to you later?"

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him close to me as I came my insides shuddering around him as he thrusted himself into me four more times before he came.

"Fine, just as long as you're alright." She said.

He looked up at me and smiled. "I'm fine." And he kissed me lightly on the mouth, running his hands through my hair brushing it away from my face.

We waited for a couple of seconds before I decided to speak. "That was weird." I said getting off of him laying myself out on his bed.

He nodded lying down beside me. "I forgot people were in the house."

"So did I." I said pulling myself to him; he put his arm around me. We lied there in silence for a few seconds before I started to giggle.

"What?" He asked looking down at me.

"You told your mom you were masturbating." I buried my face into his chest.

"I'd rather have her think I was jacking off then her seeing what we were just doing. Would you ever be able to look my mother in the eye if she saw you like this?" He ran his hand up my stomach between my breasts up to my neck and cupped my face in his hand.

"That's a really good point." I said kissing his chest closing my eyes listening to him breathe and the next thing I knew I was asleep.

* * *

**I posted pictures of there hats and Alice's and Rosalie's car on my profile. Don't ask me why I posted Rose's car so late.**

**I found the Carlisle thing really sad for some reason. I have no idea why. **

**And I thought Princess Leia was appropriate. **

**I also wanted to say that I hit 1000 reviews a couple weeks back. Thanks so much to everyone that gave me a review to get me there. I honestly thought I would have one review for every chapter I wrote from Ashley. It's awesome I love you guys. **

**Let's make it 2000! Reviews please. **


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: So this isn't a super long chapter but fear not the next one will be and I'm thinking that I might need to break it into two. **

**Thanks to everyone. You know who you are and I love you all. I'm so tired and in a bad mood and I'll tell you why after. **

**This is Christmas at the Cullens. **

* * *

**EPOV**

The three days between Bella's and Alice's shopping trip came and went quickly. Bella spent most of her time at my house wrapping gifts and organizing the menu. She gave all of us jobs.

Bella was, of course, in charge of the turkeys, I got the potatoes, Jasper got yams and Alice got vegetables. We spent most of Christmas Eve in the kitchen preparing it.

"I thought you said that you wanted to cook Christmas dinner, Bella." Said Alice, starting to cut some carrots on the angle Bella had told her to cut them on.

"I do want to cook and tomorrow I will, but tonight is prep work so that I save time tomorrow. And everything moves a lot smoother and tastes more awesome. Alice-" She had stopped mixing the stuffing she was making. "What did I say about the carrots?" She put her hands on her hips.

Alice looked a little scared. She looked to Jasper who was sitting next to her and then to me who was standing next to Bella. "You said to cut them." You could tell that Alice was hoping that this was the right answer.

Bella laughed a little. "Alice sweetie, I said to cut them on an angle so that we get long disks, like this." She grabbed the carrot and took it and placed the knife on an angle and the carrot so, just like she said, she got a long disk. "See?" She handed the knife and carrot back to her. "I just wanna let you all know when I cook on this scale, I turn into Monica Gellar. It's the only time I like stress and everything has to be done perfectly so. I'm sorry."

She briefly looked over at Jasper who had already mashed up the yams and was putting marshmallows on them so that they could be covered and put in the fridge. She then looked over at me right after, and the look on her face told me that what he was doing was wrong. "Concentric circles Jasper." She kind of yelled looking back over at him.

He had stopped and was staring at Bella with a bunch of marshmallows in his hand. "What?"

"Jazz, I need you to put the marshmallows in concentric circles." She said with her hands gripping the counter.

"If you want it done a certain way then why don't you do it yourself?" He said sprinkling the marshmallows all over the top of the yams.

Bella just stared at Jasper. "Jasper."

"Bella."

"Put the fucking marshmallows in fucking concentric circles before I have a god damn mental breakdown." She was looking at Jasper with intensity and she wasn't yelling, just speaking very bluntly. "I'm asking you to do one simple thing and then you are free to go."

"Jasper put them in concentric circles." Said Alice quietly, looking at him quickly and then went back to cutting her carrots into large disks.

Jasper looked at Alice, then at Bella and started to pick all the marshmallows out of the yams and started placing them back in as concentric circles.

"Thank you." She said going back to mixing the stuffing.

"How am I doing?" I asked knowing I was doing exactly what she was asking me to do.

"You're doing it exactly right." She said beaming up at me and leaned over and kissed me.

By eleven o'clock we had everything cut and put in bowls of water or wrapped and put in the fridge and she was ready to go tomorrow. "I think I'm ready for bed." She said, looking at me holding out her hand to me.

"I'm gonna stay up and finish the movie." Said Jasper, we were watching _A Christmas Story_.

"Yeah me too." Said Alice getting comfortable on the couch.

"Cool, see you guys in the morning." I said as I followed Bella up to my room.

She was already in the shower by the time I got in there. I changed into some pyjama bottoms and was lying on my bed. I was thinking about my gift. I knew that Bella had bought a garter, but she had hidden the gift somewhere in the house, no doubt with Alice's help. I had been spending a lot of my time looking for it.

Bella came out of the bathroom about five minutes later with a towel wrapped around her head and body. "I love being clean." She said taking the towel off and putting on some short shorts and a white tank top.

"And I love making you dirty." I said motioning for her to come towards me.

"Oh baby, I love it when you talk to me like that." She took the towel off her head and let her hair down it was still really wet, dripping everywhere. "All cheesy and corny like." She wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me.

"So, it's almost Christmas and I know you've got something planned for me involving a garter." Why I was so into this garter thing I had no idea. I just wanted to see her in one and since I had suggested it, it had become my obsession.

She nodded. "Yeah."

"So, this seems like a good time to maybe, you know, give it to me." I ran my hands down her waist and grabbed her ass, pulling her closer to me.

"It's not Christmas yet Edward." She said pushing me down on the bed. "And I have everything planned and you will get it tomorrow. I promise." She kissed me again.

"You have it all planned?" I said cocking my eyebrow she nodded and threw her hair up in a messy bun.

"All planned." She said lying down in my bed pulling me towards her closing her eyes.

I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her head. "Merry Christmas Bella."

"Merry Christmas Edward."

The next morning I sat up and looked down at Bella who was still sleeping. Her eyes were closed and her mouth was slightly opened as she breathed in and out deeply, her hair draping delicately across her face as the cold light from my window made her skin look flawlessly white and smooth.

"Bella." I said brushing the hair out of her face. She just moaned and turned away from me. "Bella."

"No." She rolled over and put the pillow over her head.

"Bella, it's Christmas." I said running my hand up and down her body.

"I want to sleep." She said all muffled into the pillow sounding like a pouting eight year old.

Just then Alice came busting through my door. "Merry Christmas." She sang, running into my room. "Get up, get up, get up, get up!" She said, jumping up and down.

I got out of bed and put on a _Frank Zappa_ t-shirt and turned to look at Bella. "Come on Bella."

"I'm sorry, I'm just really tired." She said turning away from us, curling into a ball.

My mom came into my room. "Morning kids!" She had some frosted cookies in her hand and handed on to me and then to Alice. "I love you two, Merry Christmas." She kissed both of us.

"I love you too mom." Alice and I said at the same time biting in the cookie.

I heard someone else come into the room. "Merry Christmas everyone." Said Jasper. "What are we looking at?"

"Bella wants to sleep." I said.

"She's not a morning person really." Said Jasper.

She huffed. "I hate you Cullens." Said Bella, sitting up and then pointed at Jasper. "You too Roberts." She pulled herself out of bed and pulled her hair out and redid it and then walked towards us.

My mother handed her a cookie. "Merry Christmas Bella." She said kissing her forehead.

Bella smirked. "Thanks, Merry Christmas everyone." She walked towards me and I put my arm around her.

"Presents, presents, presents." Said Alice bouncing out of the walls.

"How much sugar has she had today?" Bella asked biting into the cookie.

"She's had about seven of those cookies and about three café mochas." Said Esme as we walked down the stairs towards the living room.

"Jesus, that's a lot of sugar for one person in a day let alone Alice." I said finishing off my cookie.

"What time is it?" She asked walking into our family room sitting in on a plush couch that my mother probably spent way too much money on.

"9:30." Said Jasper lying down on the ground; he had a light gray t-shirt and green plaid pyjama pants.

"I have coffee for everyone." Said Alice, bringing in a tray she set it down. Everyone went to get a cup and put what they wanted in it.

Bella nestled in beside me and sipped her coffee. I always really loved Christmas and it was nice that I was going to be surrounded by not only my whole family, but my girlfriend and my best friend. Jasper was still my best friend, I had fucked up and so had he, but we had grown close again. I knew we were both trying to put everything behind us.

Jasper parents hadn't come home due to bad weather in Seattle. They had to stay in the Caymans for a few more days, so both Alice and my mom offered to let him stay. It was nice and it gave me a warm fuzzy feeling.

The door bell rang and Alice ran to answer it. It was Billy and Jacob carrying gifts.

I knew how this morning was going to roll. We'd open presents and so would all my uncles at their homes. Around noon they would all come over with my cousins, everyone would get drunk and we would end up play Risk or something until Uncle Scott lost like he did at every game and threw it outside. I loved my family.

We all sat in a circle and divided up the gifts. Jacob declared that his dad was going first because he wanted to know what was in the big one was. Billy opened it and looked over at Bella with a surprised look on his face. "Bella, what is this?"

"It's a TV Billy. I knew how much you loved my dad's, so I decided that it might be nice if you had one too." She blushed slightly as she tucked her hair behind ear.

"You bought us a fucking TV Bells." Said Jake, pushing my sister out of the way. He nearly knocked her over as she came in from the kitchen to go and hug the box.

"No Jake, I bought your dad a TV. I got you a t-shirt." She smiled like a bitch in Jake's direction. Jake moved over to his pile of presents and opened the present that Bella had gotten him. He ripped off the paper and read the shirt and then laughed like a moron. "Well I do say that. Thanks Bella."

"No problem Jake." She said.

Bella and Alice open their presents that they bought for each other together. They bought each other hats. They both gasped and looked at each other like they had no idea that's what they were getting. "Oh my God Alice, how did you know?" Bella put the hat on her and looked at me. "Do you like it?"

I nodded and then leaned in and whispered in her ear, "I would like to see you in just that hat."

"Oh definitely." She nodded putting the hat back in the box.

My mom got her Egyptian cotton sheets telling her that no one could have enough bed sheets. Jasper got her the Paul Newman collection.

My mom was pretty torn up when she opened the gift Bella gave her. I had totally forgotten that her favourite book was _The Great Gatsby_. "I bought it for him months ago and Alice told me you love it to. And I just thought it was fitting that you should have it." Bella, I had noticed, got really nervous around my mother which made me laugh.

"Oh Bella." She just stared at it and I knew that the reason that she loved that book probably had something to do with Charlie. She just shook her head and covered her mouth and excused herself.

She looked over at me with wide eyes. "Fuck." She whispered.

"She loves it; she's just a little emotional, clearly. She'll be fine later." I said as I opened her gift to me.

It was a notebook. "Open it." She said kissing my temple and I did what she said. It was music paper. "This way you can get them out of your head starting with this one." She had written _Star Mile_ at the top of the first page. "That's what you can call my song."

"Why _Star Mile_?" I asked looking into her large brown eyes.

"I don't know. I just like the way it sounds." She shrugged and kissed me. "Do you like it?" She asked.

"I love it." I smiled and she winked. I knew that my other present would come later.

After everyone had opened their presents I looked at Bella. "Bella, Jake and Billy have a gift for you but it kind of relates to what I got for you. So when I get back and you open mine, you can have theirs." I kissed her forehead, grabbed a jacket and headed out to get Bella's Christmas gift.

**BPOV**

He was going out to get me something. I was excited like really excited. I was never really much for gifts, but I wanted Edwards. I got up and walked into the living room. Jake, Jasper and Alice where playing a racing video game that Alice had gotten Jasper for Christmas.

Esme had come back downstairs and was talking to Billy.

I walked into the kitchen and took the turkeys out and preheated the oven. I was lucky that Esme had a cooks kitchen and had two ovens. Once the little timers went off I stuck both turkeys in the oven and walked over to Jazz and them. I watched them play the game.

Then Edward came in. I was up and bolted towards the door. He came into the living room meeting me in the door way of the two rooms with a large box in his hands. He smiled and told me to sit down on the floor and placed the box in front of me.

Everyone had stopped doing what they were doing and came to watch me open my gift. I looked at the box, just about to remove the lid when it moved and I screamed. A small bark came from the inside. I looked up at Edward with wide eyes and a smile. "No, you absolutely did not."

I took the lid off the box and out came a little German shepherd pup. It jumped out of the box and onto my lap and began licking my face. "Hello puppy." I looked up at Edward. "I love him Edward, I always wanted a dog."

Jake placed a bag full of what appeared to be dog accessories in front of me. "From me and my dad, Ed included us in on this."

"Thank you both so much." I said looking back at the puppy. "I love you, yes I do." I looked up at Edward. "Rose is going to flip out."

He made a face. "Right, I forgot about her."

Alice and Jasper had pushed the box out of the way and were petting the dog. "No, she is going to love him. She loves German shepherds."

"It's a German shepherd, husky mix." Edward said, sitting beside me. I leaned over and kissed him. "I just wanted you to have someone with you all the times that I couldn't be. I know over the past couple of months you felt alone and I never want you to feel that again." He said petting the dog. "I know it's a corny and stupid, but it is one of the reasons I got it for you."

"What are you going to name him Bella?" Asked Esme beaming down at me.

I looked down at the sweet golden brown and black pup as he looked up at me and licked my face. "Tobey. I think I'm gonna name him Tobey." I rubbed his floppy little ears. "You look like a Tobey, don't you?" He started wagging his tall. "Yeah, you like your name don't you Tobe?"

"Tobey." Said Edward rubbing Tobey's ears.

"Who the fuck names there dog Tobey?" asked Jake, running his hand through his hair that was getting to be just a little too long.

"I name my dog Tobey. When I was a kid my mom told me she was going to get me a dog and I knew I was going to name it Tobey just because I liked the name, but she never got me one and now I have a dog and I'm naming him Tobey." I said cradling Tobe.

"I think it's a good name for him Bella." Said Esme kneeling down to pet him. "And Jacob please stop swearing." She said looking up at him.

"Yeah, we aren't at home." Said Billy and it caused me to laugh. All I could think about was Billy and Jake sitting around talking to each other and every other word was fuck.

"I have to call Rose." I said picking him up and bringing him into the living room to use the phone. Rose screamed into the phone for about twenty-five minutes when I told her. I actually had to hold the phone away from my ear while she rambled. She was happy just as long as Tobey stayed out of her room and I took care of him. I wished her a Happy Christmas and she did the same wishing that she was in Forks with me. I assured her that in two weeks we would be back in Seattle and everything would be back to normal.

Jacob used the phone after me and talked to Renesmee for almost two hours. They were still dating and it was still going 'swimmingly' as Jake put it.

I went upstairs and got changed into a simple red dress so I could be ready for Edward's family who all showed up at noon on the dot. He had a lot of relatives and they all had names. Edward had seven uncles, eight aunts and sixteen cousins.

The only names that I remembered were Mike, David and Leonard or Leo as Edward and Alice kept calling him. He had an Uncle Scott, Jimmy, Ian, Doug and Jack. For the most part his family was really nice and they all seemed to really like me though, they kept telling Edward that he was finally dating a girl that was at his level which made me secretly feel really good.

He had one cousin Jasmine that kept pointing out obvious things about me like 'Your hair is long' or 'Your skin is really pale' which really freaked me out and an aunt Denise who was super fake and kept asking me if I ever thought about getting a tan or going blonde. Her six year old daughter Emma was also annoying. She ran around the house the whole day screaming until she passed out after her sugar rush wore off.

There was so many people in that house that I wanted to run so I stayed in the kitchen. I told people I needed my kitchen space and if they came near me the food would be ruined. Edward said they were Irish Italian, so they all talked a lot and they talked really fucking loud.

The only one of Edward's relatives I liked was David, the chef, the restaurant owner. He had another son, Clark, who had brought his fiancée Saffron along. I'm pretty sure Mike and his mother Pam, David's wife, were both drunk. David, now that I got to look at him better, had olive colored skin and dark hair that was sprinkled with grey. His face wore a constant smile. He was definitely more Italian than Irish and I found myself really attracted to him and Edward could tell.

"I love your Uncle." I said looking over at him when David went to the bathroom.

"I can tell." He said taking a carrot and popped it in his mouth giving me a shit eating grin.

"What does that mean?" I said furrowing my brow.

"You totally have a crush on him." He said smirking at me. "You have a thing for my uncle."

"Apparently you don't have any problems with it." I said smiling tasting the gravy that I was making.

"You're allowed to have crushes but-"

"I only have eyes for you." I leaned in and kissed him. "You can't blame me. That man looks like George Clooney and he can cook."

I swear I heard him mumble 'I can cook' when Tobey came running up to me. He had been such a good boy. He was only eight weeks, but the place that Edward got him from had trained him. He already knew how to sit and lie down. He had been running around all day letting everyone pet him and rub his ears and like the good boy Tobe was he snapped at Emma when she pulled his tail.

Alice and Jasper had taken him for like twelve walks today too. I wasn't so sure that I liked him and Alice together, but he seemed a lot happier over the past couple of days.

Edward picked Tobey up and put him on the chair, he just sat there with his tongue hanging out of his mouth, panting away; it looked like he was smiling.

He was such a good boy, so I gave him a carrot. I stared at him and smiled as he chomped down on the carrot. I looked at Edward. "I think I might leave you for him." I started stirring the gravy again.

"Now I have to compete with my uncle and the dog." He was leaning up against the counter in his black dress pants, black dress shirt and slightly off white tie. He smirked.

David came around the corner. "Edward, you have found a keeper." He placed his hands on my shoulders and I instantly went red looking up at Edward who was shaking his head. "Have you ever thought of being a chef Bella? Cause you have the talent for it."

I looked up at him grinning like an idiot shaking my head and then nodding and then I split gravy all over my dress. "Shit."

"Is that your only dress?" Edward asked me.

"You can kick it in p.j's, it's okay." Said David, carrying some of the food out.

I could hear Jacob. "Fucking finally." And then Alice, Billy and Emma's mom all said, "Jacob."

"My mom probably has something for you to wear." Said Edward, lightly dragging a cloth over the setting stain.

"Where is your mom? I haven't seen her in awhile." I looked around. I found it odd that she wasn't around; she loved all this entertaining shit.

"Probably trying to hide from my crazy family." He said kissing me. "I'll dish you up some food."

So I went upstairs making my way to Esme's bedroom. I started talking before I got to it. "Esme, I split gravy on my dress." I was looking at the stain knowing it was never going to come out. "Edward said you might have something for me to wear." I knocked still looking down and then opened the door.

When I looked up I saw Esme in a black lace bra and matching black lace panties pushing not just her lips but her entire body into and onto a boy that I had once pushed myself on. The boy with insanely blonde hair and pink scars and a love of Kurt Vonnegut, Star Wars, eighties hair metal and pop tarts; fucking Jasper Roberts; he was shirtless and was wearing plaid boxer briefs. His hands were planted firmly on her ass.

They both stared at me; her eyes wide and green and so much like Edward's and his grey and gold and violet, still reminding me of a Monet. Their arms were still entangled and the only thing I could think of to say was "Oh my God."

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**Say what? Jasper and Esme did what? The next chapter is JPOV and he has some serious explaining to do. Sorry to all the Alice and Jasper supporters it's just not in the cards for them; at least not in this story. I've had this J/E thing planned for a long time. **

**Download the song "Letters From the Sky" by Civil Twilight it's an awesome song. **

**So only two more chapters folks the next one like I said might be split into two and then I'm starting the new one and I keep changing the title cause I indecisive and it's now called 'The Taste of Blood', I'll give a synopsis next chapter. **

**I want to say thanks to everyone that tried to nominate me for the Eddie and Bellies, I didn't get a nomination but I really appreciate it. **

**I'm in a bad mood cause my step-monster just reemed me out because my room wasn't clean. I will admit it is a mess but I'm a messy person it's just how I operate and we had a deal that I was allowed to keep my room the way I wanted it. I just wanted to share. Sharing makes me feel better. **

**You know what else makes me feel better, reviews. Review please.**


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Okay sorry I was a cuntfaced whorebag and took forever to post this. RL is a bitch and I am moving and I have two jobs and my social life is there and it took me a long time. Sorry. **

**Into. Scrapes, drkvctry, Claire Bloom, TRDancer, ARenee363, Lottie2303, Tuesday Jane, Charley Cullen, gcgonc and inside-the-disarray I love you guys you're always so supportive. Lottie2303 I'm sure you are going to hate it. **

**Ashley I hope you like it. I wish that this summer went a little differently and I know it sucks now but it will be better later even if it doesn't feel like it. You're my girl and I am going to miss you so much you have no idea. **

**Saranic thanks for being patient I took a really long time with this one. **

**So this is the Jasper POV. **

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**JPOV**

I had done a very bad thing; a really terrible, awful thing, but I couldn't stop myself from doing it again because it had felt so good. And honestly, I'd really liked it and her; Esme.

Bella had closed the door as quickly as she'd opened it, but I knew she was still standing on the other side with the same shocked look on her face and she was no doubt debating what to do next.

God I was so fucked.

How could I have been so stupid? Teenage fantasies and great sex weren't worth my inevitable death at not only Edward's but also Alice's hands.

We parted from each other and then Esme looked at me before looking down. Her eyes scanning the floor like she was hoping it might feed her an answer or the appropriate words for this moment.

She bent over and picking up her clothes, she put them on and eventually looked at me again. Her eyes were filled with worry. Sighing, she shook her head and walked towards the door.

This hadn't been the first time I was about to see Esme Cullen naked. The first had happened four days earlier. I'd come over to the house while Bella and Alice went shopping.

I didn't really want to be there but I also didn't want to be alone with my thoughts. Having someone around was a distraction that I welcomed and needed. I could handle Alice, just as long as I didn't have to be near her or say much to her, I'd be fine.

I planned to just go to the house and watch movies with Edward.

I had to admit I was feeling bad for intruding in on their lives. I knew they wanted private time, but I just couldn't help myself. I needed to be around people. I wanted to do things with my friends and ask them questions about their thoughts on the stuff they were watching and doing. And I actually wanted to learn things about Bella; things I'd neglected to learn when we were together, and Edward too. I didn't know him as anything other than my best friend from high school and he'd changed since that time.

I was slowly learning things about myself too. I was finally speaking up and disagreeing for the first time in my whole life. I usually went along with everybody else, but now if we were going to watch a movie or listen to a band or eat at a restaurant that I knew I didn't like, well I said something and I'd never done that before.

I'd just gone along with what everybody else said to make them happy and now I was making myself happy.

When I'd walked into Esme's house and found my way into the living room, I sat and started watching _The Matrix._

Edward, Bella and Esme were talking in the kitchen and Alice came into the room talking about a hair clip. I didn't look at her but I could see her in my peripherals. She looked like Alice always did - perfect.

She said hello to me, but I couldn't say anything. So, I just kind of waved at her and smiled a little before focusing back on the TV, trying not to find her scent in the air.

They finally left and it was just Edward, Esme and I. Edward said he needed to run into town to get Bella's Christmas present and asked me if I wanted to come but I really just wanted to sit around and watch _The Matrix,_ so I said no much to his visible relief.

I relaxed into the couch and breathed in deeply, focusing on the smell of the pies Esme was making. About fifteen minutes later she came in and sat beside me.

"I never liked this movie."

I looked over at her with a furrowed brow. "What? How could you _not_ like The Matrix?"

She shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. It just never impressed me."

Esme reached out and took hold of my arm, I was wearing a t-shirt and the scars were visible. She started running her fingers along the longest cut on my right arm, not saying anything for a couple of minutes. It amazed me that everyone seemed to love doing that, tracing their fingers up and down my scars.

"I don't understand why you can't work it out if you loved her this much." She said with an intense sadness.

I felt my heart break for her and it was then I realized that Esme and I had a lot of things in common. Bella had told me about her and Charlie and I knew she was nursing a broken heart similar to mine.

I was going to lie but instead I told her the truth. "I don't know if I'm in love with Alice anymore."

She looked up at me with a furrowed brow but didn't speak. She waited for me to explain.

"Did Alice tell you why she left me?" I asked. She shook her head. "Well she told me why. And it was awful but she did what she did when I knew her, when I thought I knew her. Not when we'd been apart for almost two years, when she could've turned into anyone. No, she did it when we told each other everything. When we trusted each other with everything, and I've been thinking that I don't want to be with someone that feels she can't trust me."

I looked up at Esme as I paused for a second. "And because she couldn't trust me, I don't think I can ever trust her again. Yeah, I'll always love her but I will never be with her again. It's just not healthy for me. I'd be setting myself up for more heartache and I barely made it out the first time."

She didn't say anything, just stared at my arm, so I continued. "My addiction was never about alcohol, it was about understanding why she left; I drowned my insecurities because I thought it was me that pushed her away. It was hard to resist it until I found out that _she_ was the one that messed up and that it wasn't about just me, it was both our problem and ironically, she left because she didn't want to hurt me."

Esme still didn't say anything but she was a smart woman and I knew on some level she probably figured out what I was talking about.

"Is it hard to be around Bella and Edward?" She eventually asked, tracing my fingers with hers.

I shook my head. "Not really, it's uncomfortable but they are just so well suited for each other and it's hard not to be happy when you see them together."

"I know what you mean." She smiled and then it faded. "It's so strange to see all of you so grown up." She looked up from our hands, her eyes running over my face. "You're not a boy anymore."

That was when shit got weird and I turned into an idiot.

She enclosed my hand in hers, and for awhile just stared at me and I decided it was a good idea to kiss her. It wasn't even like I really thought about it; my body just propelled me forward and the next thing I knew, my lips were on hers. **  
**

She was soft and my body liked it but my brain was sending up huge red flags so I broke away. I stared at her as she stared back with wide eyes and a hint of disgust.

"I'm so sorry Esme. I have no idea what is wrong with me-"

She smacked me. She fucking slapped my face.

"Yep, I deserved that." I started rubbing my cheek, trying to sooth the now creeping sting that was invading the right side of my face. "I'm so sorry. It's just that I always had a thing for you and I guess with my loneliness and-"

And then she was on top of me, pushing her body onto mine; cupping my face in her hands, her lips pressed against my lips. She opened her mouth and ran her tongue across my bottom lip, so I parted them and let my tongue meet hers.

She tasted sweet, unlike anyone I had been with before. Sweeter than Bella and with a taste that wasn't clean like Alice's, just new and different and I embraced it whole heartedly.

She pulled apart, looking me up and down while she straddled me. Her lips were red and swollen and I looked at her face.

For years she'd looked just like Alice to me, and now she was a different person entirely; she looked nothing like Alice, she looked like Esme.

She was breathing deeply, trying to catch her breath as her brain tried to figure out what the hell she was doing and then her breathing slowed and the frantic eye movement stopped and she grabbed the ends of her shirt and pulled it over her head.

_Holy Fuck._

This was going to happen. I was going to have sex with Esme Cullen.

I took my hand and ran it down, between her breasts and over her stomach. As she leaned back slightly, I ran it back up lifting my other hand and letting them both hover above her breasts.

I felt like a virgin; like I had never been with a woman before and really I hadn't, I had been with girls, never a woman.

"Jasper."

I was brought back to reality when she spoke. I looked at her; my breathing was now sporadic and shallow and my eyes were wide.

"Yes." I managed to sigh out.

"Don't be afraid to touch me." She said removing her bra and letting me see her breasts for the first time; breasts I had only dreamed about.

They were big, as Esme was a voluptuous woman. I placed my hands on them squeezing I tried to convince myself what was happening was real.

Her eyes fluttered shut and her head tilted back as I ran my thumbs over her erect nipples. A throaty moan escaped her lips as she ground her hips into mine, making me hard.**  
**  
She leant down again and pressed her lips to mine, sticking her tongue in my mouth and grinding herself against me. I knew she could feel my erection when she moaned in my mouth.

Sitting up, she tried to find the edge of my shirt to pull it off me. I was sitting at a funny angle so I moved to help her and then tossed it aside on the floor.

She got off me, panting and then relaxed back onto the sofa, nestled into the millions of pillows that decorated it. Arching her hips off the couch, she unzipped her skirt and pulled it down along with her panties.

She was sitting naked before me, spreading her legs so I could look at her. My cock was so hard that the feeling of it rubbing up against my pants was almost agonizing as I told myself over and over and over, I was going to have sex with Mrs. Cullen. I mentally slapped myself and reminded myself her name was Esme. She was Esme to me now and never would be Mrs. Cullen again.

I was going to fuck the mother of my ex-girlfriend and I felt my stomach churn, but it wasn't enough to stop me.

She beckoned for me to come to her. As I did, she leant forward and grabbed the waist band of my jeans. She undid them as I watched her naked body move. She was perfect; like the type of woman that appears when you close your eyes and beat off and _I_ was going to sleep with her.

She pulled down my pants and my boxers followed seconds after. My erection was out in the open and just inches from her mouth.

I was naked in front of Mrs. Cullen. _Fuck_, Esme.

She moved her eyes over my body until they finally rested on my cock.

"Put your mouth on it." The words escaped my lips like I had no control over myself at all and I stood there frozen, not knowing what she was going to do.

She looked up through her lashes and let her gaze linger on me while she moved closer to me, opening her mouth. She let her lips close around the tip and ran her tongue over the head. I moaned quietly as I covered my eyes with my hands breaking eye contact and then running them through my hair.

She did this a couple of times before she released me from her mouth and leaned back. "If you want to do this we better hurry, Edward will be home soon."

She was deep in the pillows, one foot resting on the arm of the sofa and the other resting in the spot between two cushions.

I stepped forward, positioning myself between her legs. "Please don't mention Edward." I said looking her in the eye; I didn't want to think about all the people I was going to hurt if they ever found out what I was about to do.

I looked down as I rubbed the head of my cock down her slick, wet folds and she released another throaty moan. "Should we get a condom?" I asked with a furrowed brow.

Her head was thrown back and I watched as her neck moved as she laughed. Raising her head she shook it while brushing a strand of hair from my face. "I took care of that a long time ago, don't worry about it."

She gripped the back of my neck pulling me towards her, letting our lips meet again. I pushed against her entrance, not knowing what to expect; she'd had kids and I wasn't sure if she was going to be super loose.

But she wasn't; she was tighter than I thought possible for an older woman. I naively thought that when women hit a certain age it was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway, but Esme was tight. **  
**  
I pushed myself all the way inside her and she gasped, running her nails down my back. I didn't move for a couple seconds and she squirmed against my stillness.

"What's the matter?" She asked in a breathy voice.

I shook my head. "Nothing,"

I pulled back, then plunged myself back into her. She cried out and I wondered how long it had been since she had been touched like this. I moved in and out of her slowly at first then quickening my pace, going faster and harder when she asked for it.

Her back was arching, her head thrown back and her neck was exposed. As she moaned and writhed underneath me, I lowered my lips to her throat and planted a firm kiss on her quickened pulse and then licked my way up to her earlobe which I tugged on lightly with my teeth.

She moaned louder this time as I felt her body start to shake just slightly under mine. "I'm coming." She said quietly as she looked up at me and kissed my mouth.

She parted from me again and arched her back as she came, calling my name, which was pretty fucking cool regardless of how strange this was.

I wasn't there yet, so I continued to fuck her while she ran her hands through her hair as her chest heaved from the overwhelming pleasure of her orgasm. My release was coming as I moved in and out of her quickly. She grabbed my ass and pulled me closer, coming again and seconds later I followed.

I stayed inside her for a couple of seconds before I pulled out and collapsed next to her, both of us panting. When I looked over, she was staring at the ceiling. She must've sensed me looking at her because she spoke.

"I haven't had an orgasm in eight years." She looked at me and smiled. "Thank you Jasper."

She got up, gathered her clothes and headed towards the bathroom. I watched her walk away and then sat up, locating my clothes all over the floor. I felt a wave of sadness come over me as I moved and slowly got dressed. Esme was a very sad woman and even though I always knew she wasn't the happiest of people, it was in that moment I realized how sad she truly was.

When you were kid, you just always thought your parents were strong and that they didn't think about or need the same things that you did, but they do.

Esme was alone, like me. Everyone would be hurt if they found out about what we'd done, but we were only human and Esme needed to purge her desires too.

You never look at parents as actual people, they're just parents.

I finished putting my shirt on when Esme came back out looking perfect. She walked up to me slowly and grabbed my hands hanging by my sides. She stared at my scars again and then looked up at me and smiled. Her face went slightly pink and I watched as the color slowly crept down her neck and chest.

"Jasper," She whispered.

I looked back up at her face as her mouth closed and then fell open at loss of words. "I, I, uh-"

Edward came in, interrupting us and she parted from me and gracefully ran back to the kitchen and resumed making pies. I flopped down on the couch trying to look like I had been sitting here the whole time instead of having sex with his mother.

I closed my eyes just as he came into the room. He said nothing to Esme, just came up to me. I opened my eyes and spoke. "Dude _The Matrix_ just finished, _The Empire Strikes Back_?"

I nodded at him like he knew that he wanted to watch. I just wanted to do something where I didn't have to talk about anything of importance.

I looked past him to Esme, she was looking back at me.

"Yeah," said Edward after weighing all of his options in his head and ran up stairs to get the movie.

Esme stared at me. "Not a word to anyone about what we did. I'll text you later and we will talk about this." She turned away from me and put the last pie in the fridge.

She didn't have to tell me twice about not saying a word to anyone. I would be signing my own death sentence if I did. I knew by the look on her face and her tone that she agreed, what we'd done was wrong.

But as wrong as it was, I also knew that, if she let me, I would make this mistake over and over again.

I'd felt something when I was with Esme. It wasn't love or lust, well maybe lust; it was more like a feeling of security or belonging. I felt comfortable with her, like I didn't need to hide myself or impress her I could just be me for the first time in a long time; whoever that was.

Edward came back and we started our _Star Wars_ marathon. I knew it was going to be marathon because he had brought down all six.

I sat beside Edward and pretended to watch the movie but really I watched Esme. I felt a bit creepy but I was so confused. We didn't get a chance to talk about it before and I was hoping she would signal me or something and we could go talk soon but she never did.

I didn't want to wait until she texted me, I wanted to sort shit out now.

She finished baking and cleaning the kitchen and made her way upstairs.

"Hey Mom, do you want to watch the movie with us?" Edward asked, looking at Esme. She'd stopped and looked rather uncomfortable, staring at Edward. She glanced at me quickly and then back to him and smiled. She nodded and walked over to sit on a chair beside the couch. Why she did this I had no idea, she could have just shook her head and went upstairs but apparently she wanted to torture me.

The next three hours were awkward. None of us said anything; I couldn't tell you what happened in the movies. I knew of course because I had seen them before but I spent the whole time trying to ignore the fact that Esme was right there. I wasn't obsessed with her I just wanted to watch her and try to read her body language.

Everything had changed for me in just a few short hours and now I had no idea what was going on.

Finally Alice and Bella came home. I didn't notice them until after Bella announced herself with a simple "Hey".

Edward was up instantly and walking over to kiss Bella. The three of them conversed briefly before Alice parted and ran upstairs. I looked over at Esme as Edward pushed Bella in to another room and out of sight.

Esme looked back at me as her hair fell around her face. But we said nothing, just stared, no emotion on either of our faces other than the way that her eyes frantically searched my own. Her large green eyes furiously stirring with a mixture of confusion and fear and what looked to me like lust and I lost myself in them.

I was brought back to reality when Edward yelled my name. I let my eyes linger on her a little while longer and then I looked in his direction.

"Yeah," I yelled.

He told me he needed help with something, so I got up and ran towards the front door.

I came around the corner and nearly ran into Bella.

"Sorry, where's Edward?"

She told me that she had bought a TV and needed us to bring it in. I returned the smile she was giving me and I watched her brow furrow as she studied my face and body. Her eyes narrowed slightly and then I stepped past her before her looks got even more looming. She knew something was different about me and I knew if I was to stand there and let her look at me any longer she would start to ask questions. I couldn't allow that because I barely knew what was happening so how could I even begin to explain to someone else what I was doing?

I helped them bring the TV inside and Bella started getting her Christmas list together. She asked us if we wanted to come out with her, both Edward and I wanted to, and then I watched her look past us to Alice.

I didn't want Alice to come. I couldn't be near her right now. Even though I had figured out I wasn't really in love with her anymore, I by no means, wanted to be any closer to her than I had to. She still had an effect on me that made me stupid.

My face must have reacted because Bella had a mixed look of fear and empathy as she watched me.

Alice was beside Edward in a blink, bouncing around and saying that she would love to come. I followed Bella and Edward out of the house. Alice rambled on about something as we headed out to the car and Bella did her best to keep Alice away from me by saying she wanted to drive Alice's car. I sat in the back with Edward.

Bella felt the need to apologize once we got to the grocery store and I told her it wasn't that big a deal. I kind of meant that; it wasn't easy but the reason I didn't want to be around Alice anymore had changed, it was the same reason I was now uncomfortable around Edward; I was afraid that somehow they would find out what I had done with Esme.

She eyed me as I smiled weakly at her; she knew something was up but she left it. I guess she was hoping that I would come to her on my own.

I tried to say as little as possible, if Bella knew that something was up surely Edward and Alice could see through me, they knew me leaps and bounds better than Bella.

Alice was crafty and I was forced to sit in the front seat with her. I moved as far over as I could, trying not to breathe in her scent; trying not to compare it to her mother's, but it was impossible not to. I sat in the car wondering why I was so hung up on Alice.

I loved her; I loved her a lot, but now I couldn't understand why I'd thought I couldn't live without her.

Was it because she was here with me again and my body was adjusting back to the way things were? Or was that mind now preoccupied with something new, something possibly better?

I scanned through the radio trying to find something decent to listen too until I grabbed one of her c.d.'s and threw that in the stereo and went through the tracks, I finally settled on _Sweet Child O Mine_.

It was only after a minute into the song that I realized it was making Alice uncomfortable. I watched her as she squirmed in her seat and skewed her face, biting her lips the way she always did when she was nervous or uncomfortable.

She was listening to the words of the song and I realized she must've been thinking about the sweet child we should but would never have. It was making her sad and she let it show because she knew that I was the only one that could see her face.

She composed her face quickly but was still sad as we got out of the car. She walked ahead with me and her presence was comforting, but not in the way it used to be; it was different now, it felt healthy this way. We were friends hopefully, if she wanted to be. Unless she found out about Esme and then I knew we were done.

Edward and Bella had gotten out of the car and started throwing snowballs at each other, being all 'cute' and shit.

Bella ran past us, picking snow up to throw in Edward's direction but it hit Alice. Bella had wide eyes and apologized and then Alice got hit again by Edward. This set Alice off and she chased Edward and Bella around the yard, they were falling over each other, making sure each was all wet from the snow.

I watched them realizing it was four years ago today that I had done the same thing with Alice, Edward and Esme. It was the day Alice had told me she loved me for the first time. I was so wrapped up in my own thought's I didn't notice at first that Alice was coming towards me with a snowball.

I stuck my hands out. "Alice, don't throw that at me." I said, shaking my head.

"Oh yeah?" She cocked an eyebrow and made a jolt movement with her body to make me think she was going to throw it. "And what are you going to do if I do?"

"I'm going to mess up your hair." I said half grinning.

"You wouldn't." She had a shocked look on her face.

I was about to retort but before I could, I was hit in the head and chest by two snowballs coming from Bella and Edward.

The snow was cold and wet and refreshing and even though I knew I looked pissed, I was happy they had included me. I liked the fact that they might finally stop treating me like the kid who might go over the edge at any moment and more like their friend again.

I did deserve to be treated cautiously because I'd brought it on myself, but it didn't mean that it didn't piss me off.

Alice had one hand over her mouth to try to keep from laughing and then she threw the snowball at me. I looked up at all of them and watched as they tried to gage what my reaction was going to be.

I smirked, just the tiniest bit and watched as they all relaxed.

"You're all fucking dead." I bent over and picked up snow, coming towards Alice as she started to run from me. Edward and Bella scattered too.

I picked Alice up and covered her with snow and then I played and I fooled around and acted like a kid and it felt wonderful. Probably the best I had felt in a really long time. I forgot everything that had happened to me over the past couple years and even the past couple of weeks; I even briefly forgot about what had happened to me today.

I just lived in that moment and when it was done and we stood in the cold looking at each other knowing that we were satisfied with our tomfoolery and we were looking forward to the warmth that the house was going to provide, I felt better, lighter; like something huge had shifted in me and I was ready to move on with whatever was going to be thrown at me next.

I was going to handle it with grace and poise and not hold grudges against anyone who had wronged me in the past; I was just going to live my life the best I could for myself and the people I loved most. For the rest of the night I couldn't help but smile.

Bella cooked and listened as Edward, Alice and I told stories about our past. They were stories I actually wanted to tell and stories I wanted to hear. I was interested in Esme's point of view, as their mother she secretly loved it when we got into trouble because it had pissed Carlisle off.

After dinner as we all cleaned up, I got a text from Esme. It told me to meet her out back, in the gazebo in an hour. She glanced at me quickly and then back at Alice, Bella and Edward; her children. I knew she thought of Bella as a daughter, and I realized how fucked up this was.

It was like a daytime soap fucked up.

I wanted to pursue Esme really, really badly but I just couldn't. Even though it might be good for me, I just couldn't do it. I knew she would have a problem with it too. The way she had been afterwards, told me it was a one time mistake thing and she probably never wanted to do it again.

At ten Bella and Edward went upstairs and Alice announced that she was going to a party with her friend Arianne. "Do you want to come?" She asked me.

"Huh no, I think I'm just gonna chill and go to bed." I said nodding.

"Ok, that's cool." She said walking towards the door and then she stopped and turned. "Do you want to hang out tomorrow? Work on this friendship thing, maybe?" She was nervous; she was looking at the ground and avoiding eye contact with me at all costs.

"Yeah, I guess so." I said nodding as she looked up at me and then smiled widely.

"Cool." She said again, backing up towards the door.

"Alice, remember, baby steps with this." I said pointing at her.

She nodded and left and I stood alone in their living room, looking around just for a couple seconds before grabbing my coat and walking out to the gazebo to wait for Esme.

I'd smoked three cigarettes before she came out, wrapped in an expensive looking coat. She walked up the stairs and sat down beside me, taking the cigarettes from me and lighting one.

"No one is going to interrupt this are they?" I asked as she brought the cigarette to her lips.

She shook her head. "As you know Alice is gone and Edward and Bella are having sex." She said with a slight smile on her face. "I knocked on the door and he told me he was masturbating." A short burst of laughter escaped from her lips. "Why wouldn't he just tell me the truth?"

"He's trying to protect Bella; save her from the embarrassment." I said taking the last inhale of the cigarette I was smoking and dropped it into the gnome head. I looked over at her. "So?"

"So," she said smiling slightly.

We were silent for a little while. "Do you want to talk about what happened?" I asked her as she finished her cigarette.

She shook her head. "Not really."

"You have nothing to say? You have no feelings on the subject at all?" I asked a little surprised that this was her reaction.

"It was wrong." She wasn't looking at me.

I nodded. "Yep, it most definitely was."

"But it doesn't mean it didn't feel right for me." She looked over at me. I opened my mouth to agree with her because I'd thought she was going to say we should never do it again; but I was taken aback by what she'd actually said.

I stuttered out the only word I could think of. "What?"

"When you kissed me this morning, my image of you totally changed; you stopped being a boy, my son's best friend or my daughter's ex-boyfriend, you became a man. I saw you as a person, nearly as broken as me and I felt good, happy to find someone that might understand me since the only person that did was taken from me." She was looking at her hands just like Alice had moments earlier.

I laughed a little. "You think I understand you? We didn't do much talking Esme."

"No, I mean for you even more so than me, well we've gone through so much-" she paused for a second looking for the right word, "so much, shit; especially over the past year. Don't you think we deserve to be happy even if it's even if it's not necessarily the right thing to do?"

She looked at me with a pleading look of understanding. "I'm not saying we should date or fall in love or what not, I just think if we find something that's good with one another shouldn't we chase that? We're both adults and sometimes you have to make decisions for yourself, right?"

She was looking at me, silently begging me to say something with her eyes. "I've never done anything for myself with the exception of seeing Charlie and when it came down to it, I couldn't even make the decision to go through with that and start something with him." She stopped and fought back emotion. "I want to do something just for me."

She had never put herself first before. It was always someone else for Esme. Always for the benefit of others and she didn't know how to handle the selfish part of herself. I imagined this was what it would be like talking to the Virgin Mary after she'd stopped being a virgin.

"What about Edward and Alice?" I asked trying to reinsert myself back into the conversation. They were my main concern, for her, not for me because if they found out about this, it could destroy her relationship with her children forever.

She looked away from me and took another cigarette from the pack that sat in between us and lit one. She took a long drag.

"Edward will get over it if he were ever to find out, he has Bella now and Alice-" she paused again. "Alice will come around eventually. It may take her more time but she's a family girl at heart and she will forgive me."

I didn't know if she was reassuring herself but I hoped that she was right. "So you want to continue this?"

She nodded. "I felt happy with you, you make me happy. You always did but it's in an entirely different way now. I _want_ to be happy and my life has changed so much. I want to chase this feeling; no matter what happens. My kids are grown and moving on, my husband is gone and I only have myself. I should start doing what's right for me for a change and right now, that's you."

I'd come out here anticipating this ending before it had even begun, of Esme being done with this and me moving on with my life; taking the experience of banging not only one of the hottest MILF's of all time but just one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen, away with me.

But now I could stay and I wanted to stay. She made me happy too and she was right, I also deserved to be happy, and if the people around us saw that we were happy together maybe they would accept it.

But were we together? I had to ask. "What is this Esme? What do you want it to be?"

"Do you really need it to be defined right now? Can't we wait until you are going back to Seattle to talk about it and then figure it out?" She grabbed my hand and looked me in the eye. "Can't we just enjoy each other in secret and see if we even want to take this any where?"

I looked at her. We could keep this quiet. Everything she said made sense. It was wrong and there were a million reasons not to do what we wanted too, but there was one really good reason to do it; for us. We'd been miserable and if we could bring happiness to each other's lives, then why not?

"I think that could work." I said looking at her, realizing that I was embarking on some sort of strange relationship with Esme Cullen and I leaned over and kissed her.

It was a simple chaste kiss, letting my lips press lightly on hers and I heard her sigh quietly. I parted from her and looked her in the eye and then grinned, laughing just a little bit.

"What?" She asked brushing the hair from my face. It was strange because she had brushed the hair away from my face before and it had always been so motherly but now it was different and I knew I would never look at her the same way again.

I shook my head. "It's just, I don't really know how to go about initiating things; if you want to do it again and where." I was flustered, but just slightly.

"Well kissing is a good way to initiate us having sex again." She looked at me through her lashes then leaned in to kiss me passionately, letting her tongue come out and run along my bottom lip. She wrapped her arms around my neck pulling me closer to her.

She eventually pulled away from me, catching her breath as I kissed up and down her neck, pulling her jacket aside so that I could lick her collarbone, she moaned loudly.

"We can't do this out here it's too cold." She whispered. She was looking at the top of the gazebo and I watched as her breathe came out of her mouth in a hazy cloud, and she brought her lips together and looked down at me.

"Have you ever had sex in a car?" She asked.

I had but with a girl I didn't want to think about right now, so I lied and shook my head. She stood grabbing my hand and taking me around to the front of the house to the garage. I thought she was going to want to do it in Carlisle's Porsche just to spite him but she didn't.

"My Mercedes," She said pulling me to her car, sat beside Edward's Volvo in the driveway.

She opened the door to the passenger side and told me to get in. I sat down and she followed, straddling the seat. She cupped my face in her hands and kissed me as I let my hands wander down her sides, firmly gripping her waist, pulling her closer to me.

She moved her hands from my face and took off her coat and threw it into the back seat.

She ran her hands up my chest and started to push my jacket off. I sat forward as she removed it and I kissed her chest. She was wearing a skirt and I pushed it up to her waist tugging at the lace thong she had on. This morning she's been wearing basic white cotton panties.

"I like these." I smiled at her as our lips met again.

She laughed quietly. "I've had them forever I just never got the chance to wear them."

She removed my shirt and ran her hands down my chest. "I feel like I'm in high school again." She giggled, letting her head nestle in the spot between my neck and my shoulder and placed a kiss on the muscle I had there.

I laughed as she moved appropriately and I removed her thong. "It doesn't feel like high school to me. The girls were never as fine as you." I cringed a little because the girl I had in high school was her daughter, but if it bothered her she didn't let it show.

"Thank you." She said smiling seductively as she gripped my hair, pulling my face towards hers and kissing me again. She made her way along my jaw and down my neck, using her tongue as she saw fit.

I ran my hands up her legs again, rubbing her smooth inner thighs before entering her with two of my fingers. I curled them up to tickle her g-spot and she threw her head back and moaned, slowly rocking her hips as I moved in and out of her.

"I'm so hard." I said quietly and she reached down to start rubbing me over my jeans.

"You really are." She said leaning in and kissing me as she undone the button to my jeans. I raised my hips helping her pull them down with the hand that wasn't inside of her. She got my boxers down too and she wrapped her long fingers around my length that was pulsating between us and pumped me once.

"I want you to fuck me so bad."

I almost laughed hearing her say the word fuck, but instead I placed my hand on her shoulder, pushing her back.

"Lie back with your elbows on the dash." She did what I asked her too and I positioned myself right at her opening. I raised my hips slightly so that just the head of my cock was inside of her and then I pulled out. She whined and squirmed a little bringing her head forward to look at me again.

"What are you doing?" She asked, looking slightly annoyed.

"I'm teasing you." I said smirking at her and looking back down at her soaking wet pussy. "We're making a mess of your car." I said putting the head in again as she whimpered slightly.

"I'll just have it detailed." She said as she tried her hardest to push down on me but my hands kept her in place.

I leaned forward still managing to keep just the head in and I whispered in her ear. "Good things come-" I thrust into her hard and she cried out in pleasure, "to those who wait."

I pulled out and thrust in again, harder than the first time.

We had both created some sort of rhythm and flow, she ground her hips and I moved in and out of her the best I could with the space that I was given and by the end of it she was doing all the work with her lips at mine again.

I felt her muscles tightening around me and I knew she was going to cum.

She leaned back into the original position as she bucked wildly on top of me. She'd reached her peak and was beginning her release.

I looked at her long legs wrapped around me, her small waist and flat stomach peaking out because her shirt had ridden up at some point in the last twenty minutes. Her large breasts bounced as her body contracted on top of me. Her perfect heart-shaped face, lovely nose, full lips and beautiful green eyes were now closed in the throws of ecstasy and again, just like the first time we'd had sex, I couldn't believe it was happening.

I continued to move in and out of her until I saw one single bead of sweat run from her jaw down her neck and pool in that little dimple in between her collarbones and it sent me over the edge and I came. To see her sweat, to know I was the one making her sweat, was so fucking hot.

I grabbed her waist and pulled her close to me as I released inside her. I let my forehead rest on her chest before looking up and licked the bead of sweat from her collarbones.

"That was awesome." I said breathing heavily.

She laughed. "Yeah, it was awesome."

She laughed again like she couldn't believe that she had just said the word awesome.

We sat there for just a few moments before she got off me and gracefully moved into the driver's seat and got out of the car. I put my clothes back on and got out of the car. She stood in place with her hand reached out for me.

She was smiling, like really smiling. It was a totally different smile than any other smile I had ever seen from her and I realized she was just like me. The fake face we put on, it was just to keep everyone else from trying to get in, to keep them from seeing how broken inside we really were. But now her smile was genuine and more importantly, she was smiling for me.

We got into the house and went up stairs and I stood awkwardly outside her bedroom.

"Good night." I said kissing her briefly on the mouth before backing up and watching her open and then close the door behind her.

So, I was in some sort of relationship with Esme Cullen.

I was happy and the next couple of days were good ones. I hung out with Alice and felt the cloud that hung over both our heads lift, because we were letting it. We refused to be plagued by our past and the result was a good one.

Esme and I talked casually in front of everyone like we always had, but the second we could be alone, we were all over each other; in the pantry, the garage, front closet, we even managed some sex on the piano when Alice, Bella and Edward went over to Bella's house to gather some of her things.

We did it in her bedroom, in the attic and in Carlisle's study. How we had time to do all of this I had no idea and in three short days I felt like a new person. The constant anger and hate I'd carried around was no longer my baggage and it was nice to be something other than bitter.

On Christmas Eve Bella put us on kitchen duty to help her prepare for dinner the next day. Bella was frightening when she was dealing with food on a large scale and I regretted being an ass and just wished that I put the damn marshmallows in concentric circles in the first place.

My folks couldn't get out of the Cayman's so I was spending Christmas with the Cullens and for numerous reasons I was and wasn't looking forward to it. I didn't want to see Esme's brothers because they were super loud and annoying, but I really liked the idea of being surrounded by family and friends and doing Christmas up proper.

I decided to stay up and watch _A Christmas Story_ because I had always really liked it and it got me in the mood for Christmas. Alice decided to stay up with me while Bella and Edward went to bed.

By the end of the movie I had fallen asleep and when I woke up Alice was curled up beside me, her head on my chest and an arm across my chest.

I involuntarily jolted.

She backed away from me quickly. "Sorry, I'm sorry." She said tugging at her hair.

"What were you doing?" I asked feeling slightly violated.

She shrugged. "I don't know." She looked at me for a few seconds and then pounced, kissing me. "Jasper, we can work this out." She said between kisses.

I was trying to move my face away from hers. I grabbed her wrists to try to stop her. "Alice, Alice, Alice." I said through her lips.

"What?" She said pushing herself on me until I used just enough force to push her off.

"Alice, we can't do this. This isn't right for me right now." I said.

She sat down on the couch crossing her legs underneath her, looking at her fingers as she twiddled them. "I'm sorry Jasper."

She looked up and I could tell she was trying really hard not to cry. She impressed me by actually winning the emotional battle within herself. "I just; it's so hard to just be friends with you because we've always just been like this."

"Yeah, but now we're not. Alice for a really long time I thought I wanted you back; that I needed you in my life to survive, but I've realized that I don't and it makes me feel like a fool because of the way I behaved, trying to get you back."

I looked at her as two tears escaped from her eyes and rolled down her cheeks. "It's not that I don't want you in my life because I feel like we could work as friends, but right now Alice, like I said before, I'm just not ready to take that step with you again."

She nodded and smiled. "I won't try this again Jazz. I just thought I'd go for it one more time because I'm – I - I'm dumb, I guess. I want things to be the way they were but that's just not on the cards for us, is it Jazzy?"

"No, I need to grow up, meet new people; work on my friendships." I grabbed her hand. "Don't be mad Al."

"I'm not mad I just feel stupid and I keep pushing myself onto you when I really have no right to and you really shouldn't consider taking me back." She smiled at me. "I'm gonna go to bed."

She got up and walked towards the stairs, she turned to look at me. "Merry Christmas, Jasper." She ran up the stairs and disappeared around the corner.

It was two in the morning and I knew Alice would brush aside this altercation between us and that I would be woken by a concentrated dose of energy filled Alice in the morning. And just like I expected, she woke me at nine AM.

"Wake up sleepy head it's Christmas." She jumped on the guest bed I was sleeping on.

"I'm up, I'm up Al." I said rolling over and putting a pillow over my head, trying to ignore her and go back to sleep.

"Jasper, get up, get up, get up." She started poking my side.

I rolled over and looked at her. "You slept less than me! How do you have so much energy?"

"I've had about seven café mochas and a handful of cookies." She bounced again.

"Good God." I turned over again. "Five more minutes and I'll be up."

"Are you having trouble getting him up Alice?"

I sat straight up to see Esme leaning up against the door frame and I tried not to take what she'd said in a double connotation, a hard on was the last thing I needed.

"No, I'm just being difficult." I said looking over as she smiled lazily at me. I grinned back.

She was so much more relaxed, the sex had done her good and it was written all over her and I thought it would be her behaviour that would give us away. She was wearing this awesome velour track suit that hugged her perfectly, it was red and made her skin look like ivory.

I stood up and got my shirt and put it on. I walked towards the door that Alice had already passed through, stopping to squeeze Esme's hip. "You look so fucking sexy." I said wanting to close the door and take her right then.

"Stop," She purred lightly, batting my chest before turning and walking away, wiggling her ass because she knew it would drive me wild. She went into Edward's room to get them up and I followed behind.

I wished them a Merry Christmas and then laughed when I realized that we were trying to get Bella up. I made some sort of comment about how Bella really wasn't a morning person and then she turned and told all of us that she hated us. I checked out Esme again, very subtly as we made our way downstairs.

As we walked into the family room where the tree was Esme, Edward and Bella discussed Alice's sugar intake and we got ready to open presents. I had to admit that I was super excited for it.

Jake nearly killed Alice when he saw the TV, Alice and Bella loved their hats, Edward was pleased with the music book that Bella got him, I was pleased to have _Breakfast of Champions_ and it took everything in me not to follow Esme when she opened _The Great Gatsby _and left the room_._

It made me realize how much she really did love Charlie and how what we were doing made her feel guilty some of the time.

Edward left to go get Bella's present and Esme returned giving me a brief but reassuring look to indicate she was okay.

Edward came back with a box that housed a tiny little German Shepherd Husky mix puppy. I loved dogs and wanted to steal it from Bella. Alice and I ended up playing with him all day long, after Bella named him Tobey.

And that's how Christmas day went. Basically, Alice and I played with and walked Tobey while I stole looks at Esme.

She came up to me and casually started asking me about my day so far and if I liked my gifts and when Alice turned to talk to her cousin, Esme told me to meet her in her room in fifteen minutes.

I kept my distance from everyone so that I could slip away unnoticed and it worked. I made my way up stairs pretty much unnoticed.

I walked towards Esme's bedroom and opened the door and went in to find Esme sitting on her bed looking at her fingers. She looked up at me, smiled and approached me, putting her hands on my shoulders and pulling me into the room.

"We have to hurry, I think they are about to dish up dinner." She kissed me.

I placed my hands on her shoulders and pushed her away slightly. "Esme do you really think this is the best time to do this? I mean anyone could walk in."

I didn't have a good feeling about this, there were too many people in the house and I couldn't even remotely keep tabs on any of them.

She looked at me, slightly confused. "Everyone is downstairs and that's where they'll stay. If anyone questions where we were, then we'll say I was making a phone call and you were in the bathroom, done." She shrugged, smiled and kissed me again.

I melted into the kiss and relaxed. She was right, no one was going to come up here and I was just being paranoid.

My lady wanted me and it was Christmas time; the season for giving.

She pulled her shirt off and unzipped her skirt, letting it fall to the floor. I took off my clothes with some of her help, until I was in my boxers and I let my hands run up and down her body, feeling the black lace of her bra and panties that I desperately wanted to rip off her.

I placed my hand on the small of her back and pulled her body into mine, knowing I had to make this quick but also wanting to savour it and then the door opened.

We didn't stop immediately, it took Esme and I a little while longer to figure out what was happening and then the only thing we could do was stop and glance over at Bella.

She was staring at us with her large brown eyes full of confusion, shock and the slightest bit of amusement flickering behind them. She closed the door leaving us standing just where we were and her where she was; behind the door with that stupid fucking mixed expression that I would never forget and was sure, would fuck up everything.

Esme knew it too. Her face looked disappointed as she gathered her clothes and put them on and headed towards the door. She opened it and put her hand on Bella's shoulder and pulled her in.

Bella stared at the both of us as I put my shirt back on and Esme began to talk. "Bella-"

"No, no. I think it's my turn to talk because you two already know what's going on." She scratched her head and looked around the room and then back to us. "Esme, I need a new dress, I spilt stuff on this one."

Esme walked over to her closet and grabbed a red dress and handed it to Bella. "This should fit you." She said with a sad undertone to her voice.

Bella shed the black dress right in front of us and pulled the red on over her head and Esme was right, it fit her like a glove. She looked at the both of us, raising her hands pointing.

"What... is...I don't understand, because it looked like you, Jazz, were kissing Esme." She pointed at Esme. "And that seems weird to me."

She looked away from us with the most confused look on her face as she was trying to work out what was happening without either of us saying anything.

"Esme is hot." She was nodding, looking at Esme, her nostrils flaring a little. "A MILF and guys want to fuck MILF'S so I get Jasper, sort of." She looked at me and then back to Esme. "But Esme-" She shook her head. "My dad; I thought you were in love with my dad?" This hurt Bella, she couldn't figure it out.

"Oh Bella, I still love your father and I always will. It's just for me right now, in this moment, Jasper is right for me."

Esme took a step closer to Bella. "I don't know much about what happened between you, Jasper and Edward, but there had to be a time that Edward kissed you that you knew it was right. Regardless of how much you loved Jasper. I know that maybe hard for you to understand because these actions are going to hurt so many people, but I had to do something for me. I was selfish, just once." Esme paused. "It's just a little something between Jasper and I."

"Well it's not _that_ little." I said in a joking tone, hoping that they would understand my joke about being about my penis hoping to lighten the mood.

Bella got it and she laughed rubbing her face with her hand. Esme looked over at me and laughed a few seconds later, "Jasper." They both said at the same time.

We were all silent for a little, giggling every once in a while and then Bella spoke. "I actually kind of like you two together." She looked away from the two of us.

She got it; it never took Bella that long to understand people's actions. She understood though it may not be right, if it was what they needed then it was right for them.

"But I don't think Edward and Alice are going to be as thrilled as I am."

"Well, they're never going to find out." I said, making sure all my clothes were on straight.

"What?" Bella asked, emphasizing the 't'

"They're never going to find out because you're not going to tell them." I said looking at her, trying to make her understand that I was a dead man if they found out.

"You're asking me to lie to Edward?" She was tilting her head to the side and her tone made it sound like I had just asked her to kill the Pope.

"Yes."

"Please Bella." Esme begged, grabbing her hand.

Bella took a step backwards. "You made this choice and getting caught was a possibility and it's happened. If anyone else finds out, which they will because you suck at sneaking around, and then Edward finds out I knew and didn't tell him, he won't forgive me." She shook her head and turned away from us.

"Bella," Esme and I said at the same time.

"I won't tell him yet, but you two will. Alice too," She pointed at the both of us. "Before the new year or then I'll do it."

We both sighed and looked at each other.

"I'm sorry but I can't keep something like this from him and it only seems fair that you do it yourselves." Bella said looking at us. "I have to go back down stairs." She turned and left the room.

I looked at Esme and sighed. "Everything will be alright." She said and smiled. "I can feel it."

She walked out of the room and I followed knowing in a week my life was going to end.

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**So I hope you understand and that their actions are justified. I think so. It's not right but it's what is best for them. **

**Listen to 'If It Kills Me' by Jason Mraz it helped me finish this chapter. **

**Please review. Can we make it to 1400? Make it my second chapter with over 100 reviews I know I don't deserve it cause I took so long but I would appreciate it. **

**I love you guys so much. **


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: So this is the rest of Christmas. **

**I hope you like it. I feel like there is some of the old school banter in this one that some of the last chapters were missing. **

**Saranic thank you for telling me what's what. **

**Claire Bloom thank you for listening to be loose my mind about a million different thinks this week. I appreciate it. **

**Ashley I miss you. I hope you enjoy this chapter when you finally get around to reading it. I love you. XOXO**

**Into. Scrapes, drkvctry, TRDancer, ARenee363, Lottie2303, Tuesday Jane, Charley Cullen, gcgonc and inside-the-disarray thanks for reading you always leave the most encouraging reviews.**

**Everyone else I love and so appreciate the time you take to read my story if makes it all worth it. **

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**EPOV**

Bella came down the stairs wearing a simple red dress that fit her better than it had ever fit my mother. Her long hair bounced around her shoulders as she sat down and grabbed a wine glass, filled it and took a long gulp.

She looked over at me and smiled. "Thanks for getting me food." She leaned in for a kiss before she dug in.

"Yeah well if I didn't, there would be none left for you." I looked over at Jacob who had just shoved a whole bun in his mouth and was now grabbing a second drumstick to match the one he already had in his other hand. Two of my aunts and my uncle Leo were looking at him in awe.

Jasper came in; I had barely noticed his absence.

"Where were you?" I asked, as I put some roasted potatoes in my mouth that I'd helped prepare, but which Bella had cooked. They were so good and I seriously thought about marrying her again.

"I was in the bathroom man." He took his spot beside Alice, who also served him some food.

She smiled at him and I wondered how things were going between them. He could be around her without freaking out and he seemed better, lighter; like something inside of him had changed for the better and he was letting this light out for everyone to see.

My mother came in next, and just like Jasper I hadn't even realized that she was missing. I didn't ask her where she'd been. I knew she had probably been hiding, and it made sense because my uncles were overwhelming.

Everyone complemented Bella on the food, but I kept a watchful eye on her as she started her third glass of wine.

"Easy there sports fan! What's up with all the wine?" I looked at her as I rubbed her knee under the table.

She shrugged and shook her head. "I don't know. I just want to relax a little tonight. I feel like I deserve a little bit of down time for me." She looked up at me and smiled. "It also makes your family easier to cope with."

Putting a piece of broccoli dripping with cheese sauce in her mouth, she closed her eyes and sighed out in satisfaction. "I really am an amazing cook!"

"Yes, you are." I leaned over and kissed the top of her head. The fact that she was drinking concerned me, but if something was bothering her I knew she would tell me later when she was ready. I didn't want to pry because it would just upset her.

Everyone was starting to finish up and mini conversations had started all over the table.

Alice, Jasper and Bella were discussing movies that were currently in theatres and if they wanted to go see one over the next couple of days. My uncles were talking about their wives and my aunts about their husbands.

My mother and I ended up having a conversation about Bella, and how she was perfect for me. She was so happy that I could finally find someone who actually seemed right for me.

We all finished eating and then we started to clean up. Everyone made sure Bella didn't help because she'd made the food. By the time everything was put away and everyone had had at least one argument, Bella had polished off a bottle of wine.

"Are you okay?" I asked. I came up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist as she turned and ground her hips into mine.

"Yeah, I'm fine." She said kissing me. "I'm better than fine." She smiled again and I knew I was going to get fucked stupid later. Alcohol made her super horny and I knew that she wanted to be on me.

"Okay, well now you get to participate in a Cullen family tradition." I smiled, really looking forward to this. "Every Christmas after dinner we play Risk and you get to see how little sportsmanship my family actually has."

We filed into the living room where Jasper, Alice and Jake had set up a large table and put Risk in the middle of it.

"You are all going to die." Jake said in a villainous voice, laughing.

"Jake, we're playing on teams." Alice was laughing, making sure all the pieces were there and everything was in order.

"Oh, _you_ can all be on teams, but today there is an 'I' in Jacob, and you are all going down." He rubbed his hands together making this 'hee hee' laughing sound.

"I don't know how to play Risk." Bella had obtained a coffee with Bailey's in it, and I was pretty sure I saw her take a shot of whiskey with Jacob while we were cleaning up.

It was amazing how no one in my family cared that all of us were underage.

I looked down at her, still not understanding her drinking. "Are you okay?" I asked again.

"I am wonderful, darling." She reached up and kissed me grinning like a fool. "I'll tell you when I'm ready to go and then you can drive me over to my place to get the rest of your present."

Fuck. She hid them at her house. It seemed so obvious now that I knew, and now that I knew, I wanted to go.

But Bella didn't. Bella wanted to learn how to play Risk and learn she did. She drank and ended up dominating. She was sitting on my lap with a Captain hat on that seemed to materialize out of nowhere, and a rubber cigar that Jacob and Billy had bought for Tobey, who slept in the corner on his dog bed. I had really picked an amazing dog. He was so well behaved for a puppy.

And then like always, someone got mad because they were losing and picked up the board.

It was Jake. "This is fucking bullshit."

Thankfully all the children were asleep, or those parts of my family had left and we could all swear freely. Jake picked up the board, walked over to the back door and threw the game outside.

"Fuck this game. How are you so good at it, Bells?"

"Beginners luck I suppose." She got up to refill her cup. I wondered if she was starting to feel drunk yet because she'd had a lot.

We cleared away the game and settled in for a routine talk about the things going on in each other's lives. My cousin, Kristen, and Bella were in a conversation about school.

"I think the public school system sucks, and I can't wait to be finished with high school." Kristen said.

"I know, high school blows, but university is actually pretty okay." Bella said, fingering the ends of her hair.

"I hope so. I hate high school." Kristen complained.

"What are you majoring in?" Bella asked.

"I want to be a lawyer, so I'm gonna go into it with a poli science back round."

"It'll be a lot of hard work, but it'll be totally worth it once you finish." Bella nestled further into my chest, and I knew that if I didn't get her home quick then I wouldn't get any garter delight.

"They teach you nothing worth knowing in high school." My other cousin Leanne offered, deciding to join the conversation.

"I know right, like they don't teach you how to manage a budget in high school." said Bella sitting up.

I laughed. "Actually they do; it's called Business Management, and it's elective. You have to choose to take it."

She turned and looked at me. "Well, it shouldn't be an elective. It should be something we are forced to take, like math."

She did this strange thing with her eyebrows, and then turned back to look at my cousins.

"And they don't teach you like how to pick a good guy from a bad guy." Alice said, looking around. "That's something I would've liked to have learned."

"Hey. I was a good guy." Jasper said, mildly offended.

"Yeah, well you seem to be the only good one. You and my brother, and I can't date him." Alice laughed and Jasper joined in, seeming a little uncomfortable.

"And they also don't teach the proper things to do on a date." Leanne said.

"Or how to deal with a broken heart," Kristen volunteered.

"Or how to give a proper blow job!" Bella snickered.

My eyes widened. "Okay. We are going to go." I grabbed her by the waist and threw her over my shoulder.

"I mean, like I'm good at it. Edward has never complained, but a little bit of a tutorial before the first time would have been very much obliged." She giggled this time and so did everyone else in the room.

I was red and even in the dim lighting you could tell that I was. I turned to my mother who was grinning and running her finger over her eyebrow. "Ma, I'm gonna spend the night at Bella's, k."

She nodded and then started laughing along with Jasper, Alice, Jake and pretty much everyone else.

"Oh man, that is so embarrassing. She better give you an amazing blow job after this." Jake laughed even harder.

I turned and heard Bella open her mouth again. "Oh, I plan too."

"We're leaving." I said, flying through my house, out the front door and into the car; placing Bella inside and then going back to get Tobey.

Later, I found out that my family loved Bella for just this reason. They were pleased that I'd found a girl who didn't censor herself, and could keep up with them.

I started the car and headed off towards her place as she stared at me in the passenger seat. "Are you mad at me?" She asked in a silly, girly, giggly voice.

"I'm not mad." I looked over at her and smiled. "Embarrassed as shit, yes, but mad, no."

"Good." She snuggled into the seat and looked out the window.

We got to her house and I walked over to her side to help her out of the car.

"I'm not that drunk, Edward." She pushed me away and walked up the steps to her house, getting her keys out and opening the door, she walked inside.

I was really starting to love this house. It felt like our house, mine and Bella's. I felt comfortable here; like this was more than just a place were you put your stuff; like it was a place that you thought about raising a family in, and making memories which never faded.

A house that moved and breathed, and grew with you; it was the kind of house you wanted to live in forever.

Fuck. I was only nineteen. No more thoughts of marriage, just of Bella in a garter.

"So where do you want to do this?" She said, turning to face me and hanging her coat on the banister of the stairs.

"What do you mean?" I asked, even though the question was pretty self explanatory.

"Is there a place other than the bedroom that you want to fuck me?" she asked, looking at me through her lashes.

My eyes looked over to the kitchen table and before I could even think, I was saying it. "The kitchen table or counters."

"Wait here and take your shirt off." She went upstairs, and I looked through her fridge, took out a beer and leaned against the counter while taking off my shirt.

I didn't know if I should have sex with drunken Bella, if I got drunk too was that okay? That was the rule in Superbad; I mean I loved her and we were together and was it really taking advantage if she was your girlfriend and you were both in it for the long haul?

I was half way through my second beer by the time I heard her coming down the stairs. She was wearing high heels and I felt my dick twitch.

"Okay, it's more than just a garter." She said sweetly.

What? What was she going to do? Nothing was going in my ass. "Oh yeah," I said downing my beer.

"It's more like a costume featuring garters." She said, I heard her heels step down one.

"You're dressing up for me?" I wanted her to come around that corner. I wanted her bent over that table and on the counter, and any other way she'd allow.

"It's more like a creative re-imagining of a certain movie character." I could hear the humour in her voice, and for some reason she thought it was funny.

"Okay, let me see you." I made a gesture with my arm, like she could see me and I felt stupid for making it.

She came around the corner and I froze; well everything but my cock froze. She was dressed like sexy Princess Leia.

"Oh my God."

The garters and sheer white cover thing, white thong, Princess Leia breast things and her hair, all cinnamon buns on the sides of her head; I wanted to fuck her.

"Do you like it?" She asked, looking at me through her lashes.

I grabbed her waist and ground my erection into her. She giggled. "Me thinks you like it."

"I want you to wear nothing but this forever."

She laughed and I pushed her over to the kitchen table and sat her on top of it. She started unbuttoning my pants. I let go of her to push them off and she leaned back. "Take them off sailor." She said looking at my boxers.

I pushed my boxers down around my ankles and stepped out of them. I was standing butt ass naked in her kitchen, with my cock pointing right at her.

She licked and then bit her lips.

I looked down at my cock and then back up her. "Well." I shrugged. "You couldn't keep your mouth shut about how amazing of a cocksucker you were, and now I want your mouth wrapped around my cock."

She giggled and leaned forward opening her mouth and looking up at me. Then she took as much of me into her mouth as she could.

She bobbed her head up and down on my cock and every once in a while, taking the time to suck on the head; flicking it with her tongue while she pumped me with her hand, until I felt my release coming.

"I'm gonna cum, Bella."

She giggled and it sent a slight vibration through my cock, which forced me to cum.

She swallowed like the pro she claimed to be, and then licked me clean so that when she was finished I was hard again.

I looked at her as she sat on her kitchen table with her legs spread, and rubbed herself through her panties, which were almost transparent because of how wet she was.

"Turn over, feet on the ground, bend over the table." I said authoritatively.

She gave me a smirk, and did what I told her to. She liked it when I told her what to do; she liked being the submissive while I played dominant.

She was bent over in front of me and turned her head to watch what I was going to do.

I ran my hands over her smooth bare ass, and smacked her just once, leaving my handprint on her pale skin. She moaned as her whole body jumped forward from the shock of my touch.

I grabbed the top of her panties and pulled them down, exposing her wetness to me and then I realized that I couldn't get the panties off unless I took the garters off, and I was not allowing these garters to come off for a long time.

I looked around the kitchen and saw a knife sitting on the kitchen counter. I grabbed it and looked at her.

It didn't even phase her; she just stared at me, knowing what I was going to do next.

I let the metal of the knife run over her skin as she moaned again, and then I cut through one of the strings holding the thong together at her side. I did the same to the other side and then pulled the thong off her, with the garters still lining her thighs.

I discarded the knife and pulled her towards me, rubbing the head of my cock over her slit; then entered her in one smooth motion.

I grabbed her hips and steadied her as I moved out of her slowly and then re-entered quickly. She was so wet and warm and tight and a moan escaped my lips, at the feeling of her that would never get old.

She brought her hands up to remove her bra, as she whined and moaned and sighed as I increased my speed. She tossed the bra aside and I let go of one of her hips. I wrapped it around her waist and pulled her towards me so that her back was against my chest.

I found the same speed and a new rhythm, in the new position, and took one of her breasts in one of my hands, as the other hand found her clit which I began to rub.

"Edward." She moaned out in overwhelming ecstasy. I felt her tighten around me as she had her first orgasm; one of many that were going to delight her this night.

She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I supported more of her weight as she tried to recover from her orgasm.

I felt the build up of my orgasm coming as I let her go, and she bent over the table again as she kept repeating my name in a sexy moan.

"Bella, are you going to come again, baby?"

"Uh-huh." She said, as she moved her hips back to meet my thrusts.

"Do you want to come together?"

"Fuck, I'm going now."

And I felt her tighten around me a second time as I released into her.

I held onto her sides running my hands up cupping her breasts squeezing them making her moan again as I slowly pulled out of her.

She turned over and kicked out one of the kitchen chairs so it was sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor and pushed me down into it straddling me. She ran her lips over my eyelids planting kisses on them. She left kisses on my checks and jawbone, licking my earlobes as she rubbed pussy up against my cock.

"I need you inside me again." She said seductively as she slowly raised herself up.

She lowered herself onto me and shuddered as she did. She stayed still on me for just a second and looked me in the eye. "I love you."

I brushed some of the hair that had fallen out of the buns away from her face and her large brown eyes searched my green ones. I brushed my hand over the flush of her cheeks and over her swollen red lips. "I love you too."

And I kissed her as she slowly ground her hips on top of me before she raised herself up to the tip of my cock and then came back down causing us both the moan.

She rode me slowly as she kissed me passionately.

I ran my hands down her body and took out her hair so I could smell it. Strawberries.

She tensed around me and threw her arms around my neck pushing her chest into me. She let out a sigh in my ear letting me know that she had come and I kissed her neck.

She continued to move up and down grabbing fistfuls of my hair as she threw her head back and I placed my hand on the small of her back standing up placing her on the kitchen table again speeding up the rhythm that she had started and then I came, leaning over her as she gripped my back.

She looked up at me as her hair stuck to her sweaty forehead. She looked over my face and then smiled. "Are you ready to go again?" She grinned and I pulled her up towards me.

We had sex on pretty much everything that we could, that wouldn't move if we fucked on it. We ended up on her living room floor wrapped in quilts; she still had the garters on.

"I need to eat." I said, feeling my stomach grumble.

"I'll make you something." She nestled into my chest. I breathed in her scent; her strawberries, lilac and lavender mixed with my smell and sex; she smelled wonderful.

I wrapped my arms around her tighter. "Can we get something delivered? I don't really want either of us to move."

She laughed, looking around for a phone. She ordered Chinese because it was the only thing that was open at ten thirty on Christmas day.

She looked around the room and sighed. "I think we should redecorate the house."

"Make it yours?" I asked.

"Make it ours." She said looking up at me. "For when we visit Forks,"

She wanted the same things as me. She thought of this house as ours too, and she wanted to make it that way.

"You know what this situation reminds me of?"

"If you say _The Notebook_ I might think that you're gay." She giggled a little.

It was _The Notebook_ but I wasn't going to admit that now. "No." I put on this face like she was crazy and shook my head looking away from her.

"It was _The Notebook_ wasn't it?" She propped herself up on her elbow and smiled at me lovingly.

"Yeah, it was _The Notebook_." I went a little red and she kissed me on the cheek.

"I waited for you, for seven years." She got all weepy and put on a southern accent.

"It wasn't over, it still isn't over." And then I kissed her they way Ryan Gosling did in the movie and she laughed.

Then the door bell rang. "Food," She shouted, as she put on my shirt and went to answer the door.

**BPOV**

I spent the next two days looking at paint swatches and talking to Esme about the space in my house. She had spent time in the house and knew it well.

"I think that if you were to paint the living room this warm rust color, then the room will be inviting and still reminiscent of your father. That's what you want right? Mix yours and his taste?"

I nodded. "I want the apple green kitchen, with the white and green tile back splash."

"And you are going to get it. We have to get paint and match it to the furniture you already have, or go get new stuff." She paused and looked at me. "I think this would match with the sofa and chair you already have." She showed me the paint color again.

"I think I need new appliances." I said. I wanted my dream kitchen because my love for food was starting to grow, and I wanted a place that I could do it in.

"Bella do you like this color?" She held it out in front of me.

"Yes."

"Okay now the bedrooms and bathroom. We should probably get a neutral color for the hallway." She tapped her fingers on her lips as she decided.

"You're good at this Esme. Have you ever thought about opening a business?" I looked at the blues and not at her.

She turned towards me slightly shocked. "I've thought about it."

"You should do it. What do you have to lose?" I picked up a swatch. "I like this royal blue for the bathroom." I showed it to her and she nodded.

"It's very pretty."

We settled on light beige for the hallway, and a lilac color for my bedroom which would become the guest bedroom. I chose a blue color that reminded me of the sea just before a storm for Charlie's bedroom; for my bedroom.

Once the paint was picked we drove to Port Angles to choose furniture and appliances. Thank God for Boxing Day sales because we got everything for a good price.

We had just entered Forks on the way back, and I decided to change the subject from the interior of my home to something I knew she didn't want to discuss with me. "So how was everything with Jasper?"

She sighed.

"Esme, I don't have a problem with it. Are there problematic aspects of it? Yes, but you're happy. Jasper seems happy and you both deserve it." She gave me a side glance. "So Esme, how is everything with Jasper?"

She smiled. "It's going really well." We turned onto my street. "I really like him." She was kind of glowing.

"He really likes you, too."

"Really?" She asked this like she couldn't believe Jasper would actually be attracted to her for real. She was acting like a teenager and it made me laugh.

"Yeah, he told me, after I forced it out of him. He said he's scared, but he is willing to deal with Edward and Alice for you."

She smiled wider like I knew she would as we pulled into my drive way.

She opened the trunk and I dropped the subject because Edward was inside the house. I had no idea when she was going to tell them but I knew she would. I could feel it. I took a few cans of paint out of the trunk and walked up to the house and opened the door, Esme followed behind.

Edward stood when he heard us come in, but thought I was alone. "Bella I've got a hard on and I don't think my hand is going to-" He came around the corner and saw his mother and I standing in the hallway.

I was grinning from ear to ear as Esme cleared her throat and Edward tried to adjust himself. "Hey mom,"

"Hey sweetie," You could tell she was trying not to laugh.

Edward sighed. "Why is my life so fucking awkward?" He shook his head and walked back into the living room.

We brought all the paint into the house and then Esme left and promised to come back in the morning. I started painting and made Edward help me. We got the living room and half of the kitchen done in that one day.

The next morning Esme showed up in sweatpants and a Pearl Jam t-shirt with Jasper and Alice. Jacob showed up about an hour later, and by the afternoon the house was painted.

"Well done everyone." I said slapping five all around.

"I'll teach you how to do the back splash Bella." Esme said, bringing me into the kitchen, teaching me how to tile.

Everyone else chilled in the living room and watched a movie.

Furniture and appliances arrived the next day and in less than a week, my house looked completely different but still felt like my home.

"It looks awesome in here, Bella." Alice said, sitting on the floor looking at the living room.

"It's modern, but has a homey feel to it." Jacob said.

"Esme, you should take pictures for a portfolio. Even if you don't do anything, it would be nice to have them, just in case you do." I said cracking open a beer.

"You want to get into interior design Mom?" Alice asked.

"I was thinking about it. I'm not sure if I should just go for it or go to school for it." She ran her hand through her hair and smiled at her work.

"Either way, I think it's awesome." Alice said smiling, humming to herself.

"Well, I'm going to go now. How about you guys drop by around six and I will make you all dinner?"

"Yes." Jacob said. "No one cooks like you."

Esme laughed, gave a brief goodbye and left.

I finished my beer, got changed and we watched _The Notebook_ to pass time. Jasper fell asleep with Tobey on his lap, Alice watched it with dreamy eyes. At the end when Alice and I were balling our eyes out, I looked over at Edward who looked a little misty eyed too. Jacob had tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Awe, Jake." I cooed.

"I'm not fucking crying. It's a beautiful story that's well directed and acted. I get excited about my directors, okay!" He got up and ran upstairs to the bathroom.

"He's so adorable." I looked over at Edward.

"_I'm_ crying." Edward said, sounding offended.

"And you're adorable too."

"No, Jacob is adorable. You're just a pussy." Alice laughed, clearing the tears from under her eyes.

"Fuck you, Alice." He said pointing at her.

I laughed and Jasper woke abruptly, scaring Tobey and causing him to jump off him. "I didn't touch her I swear."

We all stared at him at him with furrowed brows as he looked around at us, trying to figure out where he was. "Fuck. Sorry I was having this dream about Miley Cyrus."

"How do you know who Miley Cyrus is?" Alice asked, as we all stared at him waiting for an answer.

"I like the family channel." We stared at him with our mouths wide open.

He shrugged. "Fuck, whatever, it's simple and easy and kind of funny sometimes. It relaxes me and I like it."

"I love the Jonas Brothers." I said, putting my hands over my mouth not believing that I admitted it.

"I wish I looked like Selena Gomez." Alice said.

"She's hot." Jacob admitted, coming around the corner and sitting on the floor.

"She is, hence wanting to look like her." She laughed.

I looked at the clock; it was a quarter to five. "Let's head over to your house." I said looking at Edward.

We all got ready, put Tobey in his crate and headed over to Edward's house in two cars.

When we got there, dinner was almost ready and the table had been set. Esme had changed and looked perfect, as usual. I watched as she grinned at Jasper when she thought no one was looking.

I helped bring drinks to everyone and sat down at the table ready to eat. She had made a roast with vegetables and everything. It looked delicious.

We sat down and dished out what was on the table and waited for Esme.

"I think I want to have a New Years' Eve party at my place." I said popping a carrot in my mouth. "Invite everyone. Call up Rose and Emmett and Easton, invite everyone you know."

"Sounds like a plan." Edward said, while everyone nodded in agreement.

"Jake, you can call Renesmee and see if she wants to come."

"Will do," He was already eating because Jake waited for no one.

Esme came round and put the roast on the table. "You are invited too, Esme, if you'd like."

She smiled at me. "Thank you Bella, I'll think about it."

She sat down at the table and looked at everyone, while everyone took a piece of the roast. "Speaking of New Year's, what are everyone's resolutions?"

"Mine is to become a better dancer." Alice confessed. "I mean better than I already am. I want to learn new styles, you know, all Step Up and stuff. I want to be the best."

"Good for you." Esme said, biting into a piece of potato.

"I want to declare a major for next year. I've been undeclared, and for next September I want to have a career in mind other than music." Edward looked at me quickly and then to everyone else at the table before going back to his food.

"I'm gonna really focus on me and doing what's right to make me, if that makes sense?" Jasper admitted, looking at all of us.

"That makes perfect sense." Esme said, smiling at him. We all nodded in agreement.

"My New Year's resolution is to be awesome." Jake laughed, taking a break from eating to join in. "So it won't be that hard for me to keep up with." He grinned and went back to eating.

Then I told them mine. I had been thinking about this for a long time and there were a few months before I actually had to do it. "Um, I'm gonna finish this year and then go to culinary school in the fall." I smiled and shrugged and then looked around at everyone at the table.

They were smiling at me. "Bella, you want to be a chef?" Jasper asked.

"Yeah, I like to cook. I think I'm pretty good at it. I mean, Christmas dinner was good and I liked doing it, so I want to pursue it." I smiled at Edward.

"I think it's a good idea." He grabbed my hand and squeezed and then we went back to eating.

"What about you, Mom? Do you have a New Year's resolution?" Alice asked.

"Um, I think I might try to spend more time in Seattle." She said, cutting into the roast on her plate.

"What for?" Alice delved further, as she placed a carrot in her mouth.

"Remember how I was thinking about opening my business? I think I am going to do it, decorating or something." She put a piece of food in her mouth and chewed. "I also want to be closer to Jasper."

I froze.

I was looking at my food but saw the shift in Edward's body. His brain was trying to figure out what the hell she meant by that, and I saw his mouth open to ask her, but Alice beat her to it.

"What does that mean; about Jasper?" Alice was clearly put off as well.

I looked over at Jasper as he stared at his food. He knew this was it. it was all going to come out here, and Edward and Alice were going to kill him.

"I mean that Jasper and I have been seeing each other." Esme said, looking at Jasper and then to her two wide eyed, shocked children.

I felt my breath quicken not knowing what either of them was going to do or if they even understood what Esme was referring to; I just played dumb. Jacob did nothing, just stared at his food.

"What does that mean?" Alice asked again, leaning on the table with both of her elbows, placing her chin in her hands; her whole body was tense and I knew that she was not going to take this well.

"It means Alice, that I'm starting some sort of relationship with Jasper." Esme looked at both Edward and Alice and then down at her food, which she started to eat.

I looked over at Edward who had fixed his gaze on the salt and pepper shakers in the middle of the table as he breathed deeply and steadily. I grabbed his hand under the table as his eyes stayed fixed on the shakers.

I looked over at Jasper whose eyes kept shifting between Edward, Alice and Esme as he waited for something to happen.

Alice was almost hyperventilating, her eyes moving franticly as her mouth opened and closed looking for words to say.

"How long has this been going on for?" Edward asked calmly, but it still scared the shit out of me and I jumped causing everyone to look at me.

Esme looked from me to Edward. "Almost two weeks."

"So, not long then." Edward said, very calmly.

"No, not long. It's still new and complicated, but very simple. And I want to work on it." Esme said, going back to her food, taking only a few bites before looking up and speaking again. She looked back and forth between Alice and Edward.

"I know it's strange and it may seem a little weird considering the past that you both have with him, but this wasn't planned and we make each other happy which is something that we both need right now."

I looked over at Jasper who was staring at me. I really wished that he wasn't. It made me feel even guiltier because I knew that if I could play it off, I wasn't going to tell Edward I knew about his mother and his best friend; my ex-boyfriend.

Alice finally spoke, her words came out stranded and whiny and completely hysterical. "What the fuck?"

"And you both make each other happy?" It was the first time Edward had looked away from the shakers. He looked at Esme and Jasper. Esme was looking back at Edward while Jasper stared at Alice who looked like her head might pop off like a cork if she got any redder.

"Yes." Esme answered simply.

Edward nodded and then looked at me and then back to his mother and Jasper. "I'm okay with this."

"What?" Jasper asked, really surprised. He looked away from Alice to look at Edward.

"I'm not thrilled about what it's going to do to Alice, but she'll just have to get over it. You have to fight for the things that are going to bring you the biggest reward." He looked over at me again and smiled. "And if right now you two need each other, then who am I to stop you?" Edward picked up his fork and started eating and I followed him hoping that Alice would just calm down.

"I'm just going to have to get over it?" Alice shrieked. No shrieked really wasn't the right word, the noise that came out of Alice was almost animalistic. It was so bizarre and weird that I barely understood what she said. "Fuck you Edward." She stood up.

"And you." She pointed at Jasper and then started smacking the shit out of him. Jasper raised his arms to protect his head from the beating that Alice was laying on him as he repeatedly told her to stop.

"Alice." Esme said, "Alice, stop it."

Alice continued to hit Jasper who was trying to stand but it wasn't working and she ignored her mother.

"Alice." Yelled Esme, looking at Alice with her hands balled in fists. I had never heard her yell, it was weird but the tone was all business and she really wanted Alice to stop.

Alice did stop and looked at her mother. "If you are going to be mad at anyone, be mad at me." Esme said, looking at her.

"Oh, I am mad at you, wait-" She put up her finger as if to tell Esme to hold on a minute. "No, I'm not mad at you; I am fucking furious with you. You are my mother. I just want to know where in your brain you thought this was a good idea."

"It was a good idea for me. I need this for me." Said Esme, standing up for herself not looking away; she was going to fight Alice on this and it was really hard to know where I stood on the whole thing.

On one hand I felt bad for Alice, this was some fucked up shit and it could become super ugly at any moment, like Jerry Springer ugly with the flying chairs and hair pulling. I knew that she couldn't do anything about it. Your ex boyfriend was sleeping with your mother, your father is a pervert asshole and your brother and his girlfriend were not going to side with you. It was a shitty position to be in and I didn't envy her.

"And it's always about you. Did you take a moment and think about me, about Edward. Fuck even Bella." She was breathing deeply. "I understand that you have been through some shit but this, not this. He was mine."

"I was yours." Jasper said standing looking down at her. "You just can't stake claim over me. You left and I was broken and now I am building my life back up. And I didn't expect it, but Esme is a part of that now, and we did think about you." He paused to look back at Esme and all of us that were staring at them as they spoke. "But we are adults now. You live halfway across the country and if everyone in your life keeps catering to you, none of us will ever be happy."

Alice looked away from him with tears in her eyes, her lips pursed.

"Alice, I want to be your friend but I have a feeling after this you won't. And you have a right to be angry now, but don't make Esme or I feel like shit for wanting to seek some sort of happiness together." He stopped and looked at her, breathing deeply.

Alice didn't say anything for a very long time as we just stared at her, letting her figure out whatever she was trying to figure out in her head.

She looked down at all of us and then shook her head. "Fuck the lot of you."

She stormed off upstairs and about two minutes later we heard the front door slam.

Jasper plopped down in his seat and looked at Esme who was just staring at her food before she looked up at all of us and excused herself.

Jasper stood and she stopped him. "I just need to be alone, just for tonight." And with that she went upstairs.

I finished eating what was on my plate and looked at all the food that was still on the table. "Jake, can you finish this?"

He gave me a look like I was crazy and pulled everything towards him. We let a few more moments pass and then Jake opened his mouth. "So Jasper, Esme Cullen. Nice."

We all looked at him, really slowly and I'm sure that I wasn't the only one giving him an un-amused look. He closed his eyes and sighed. "I really have to work on that brain/mouth filter thing, huh?"

"You think, Jake?" Edward said, not sounding impressed at all. Shaking his head, he stood and started to clear things off the table.

Jasper and I helped in silence and Jake finished the cleaning up when he was done eating.

Edward took Jake and Jasper home, and then we went to my house.

We said nothing to each other as we walked up the stairs and into our bedroom. I got into some shorts and nothing else and then slipped into bed as Edward stared at me.

"You got something you wanna say, Cowboy?" I asked.

"Did you know about them; about my Mom and Jasper?" His hands were on his waist.

I looked away from him and bit my lip. "Yes."

"I knew it."

"How did you know?"

"Your lack of reaction; I knew that you already knew. How did you know?" He was pacing slightly and running his hands through his hair.

"I caught them on Christmas." I still wasn't looking at him.

"Were they-" He trailed off and I looked up at him.

"No, no. Not yet anyway. They ask me not to tell you which I said no to. They wanted to keep it a secret and I said that I couldn't lie to you."

"Which you did."

"Yes, but I gave them a week to sort shit out and tell you and Alice on their terms. I thought it was only fair. I'm sorry, but I knew what it was like to have feelings for someone but not be able to tell anyone. I had to give them that time and it wasn't my place to tell you." I let my hair fall over my bare chest as I looked down at my fingers again.

I heard him sigh and get into bed, pulling me close to him. "Bella, don't worry I'm not mad. I'm just frustrated."

"Were you lying when you said that you were okay with it?" I asked looking up at him.

"No. I'm not happy, but she seems happy. She's been a lot happier as of late."

Tobey jumped up on the bed and nestled in between our legs. "And my mother has done so much for me all I really want for her is to be happy, regardless of who does it for her."

He paused and scratched Tobey's ears. "But I'm not gonna lie, I liked it when Alice was hitting Jasper. I mean I'm gonna get over it, but when your friend fucks your mom you gotta hit them."

I laughed. "Yeah, I was surprised how well you took it, but you're right, sometimes you have to fight for the things that are going to make you the happiest."

He kissed me and pulled me close after he turned off the light as we drifted off to sleep.

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**I just want to say how amazing Jake is. I love him to death and if any characters in this story could be real I would want him to be the one. **

**So do you like how both Edward and Alice took it? **

**And I wanted to do something silly if you wanted to do if but because chapter 26, the next chapter, is the last chapter and I wanted to hear all your favourite moments of the story as the author. Of course you can ignore me and just give me a review like good job or no review at all if that's want you want I just thought it would be fun. **

**I am getting a little sad that it ending so I might sound a little weepy when I type this shit out. **

**If you love Star Mile and want to keep supporting me as a writer could you please add me to your author alert so that when I post my new story The Taste Of Blood you can start to read it. My beta tells me it's completely unlike any fan fiction she has every read. **

**It's basically about Edward Masen a 22 year old Texan that has moved to Hollywood to become and actor. Bella is a 250 year old vampire that rules LA. She lives with Jasper and Alice and together they stalk Hollywood parties feeding on 20 something coke fiends. She meets Edward and they both change each other's lives forever. **

**I explained it terribly but I can assure you it has a lot of graphic violence and sex. I am taking a page out of the Bret Easton Ellis book, Ellis wrote American Pyscho so if you have ever read or saw that then you should know what I am going after. **

**I'm gonna stop cause this note is way to long. **

**Review please, please, please. **


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: All my shit is going to be at the end. **

**Dresses are on my profile. **

**The last one. **

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**EPOV**

Considering Bella said she wasn't a planner she managed to whip together a New Year's party in less than a day.

She had called Easton, Rose, and Emmett and all of them were in cars or on planes and on their way here. She'd also phoned up some of her university friends and invited my cousins Leanne and Kristen.

She even left a message for Alice, but none of us really expected her to attend.

She gave me the color scheme for the party, blue and silver, and told me to go out and get decorations and cups and plates and things while she started to prep food for tomorrow.

I did as she asked and brought everything back to her place and placed it on her kitchen table. "What do you want me to do with this?" I asked looking from the bags to her.

"Just leave them there. I'll deal with them tomorrow." She walked over and kissed me. "Thank you."

"No problem, darlin." I brushed some of the hair out of her eyes and kissed her forehead.

"I have to go home." I said, running my eyes over her face. "Now that Alice is gone my mom is alone in the house again."

"What about Jasper?" She asked dipping her finger into something, tasting it and then adding something else to it.

"He comes and goes. My mom is trying to deal with Alice and she thinks it's best if Jasper isn't there for that. It makes no sense."

I didn't get it. What did it matter if Jasper was there or not? I guess she wanted to be candid, and they may say things about Jasper that she didn't want him to hear.

"Do you think Alice is going to forgive your mom?" She leaned up against the counter and crossed her arms.

"Maybe," I had no idea. Alice was a strange girl and did complete one eighties that made absolutely no sense and had no reason or warning. "Personally I think she will, but it's gonna be a while."

She nodded and stared off for a second before she came back and looked at me and smiled. "So, you're gonna go then?"

"Are you going to be alright?" I asked her knowing that she would make fun of me for asking her that.

"Yes, I think I'll make it one night on my own." And then she walked over to me and hugged me tightly.

She could make it one night on her own, but I knew she was going to miss me just as much as I was going to miss her.

She kissed me and showed me to the door. I left and drove home as fast as I could because I was really looking forward to sleeping in my own bed. As much as I loved the bed that Bella and I shared, there was just something about the bed that you grew up sleeping in.

My mother was on the phone when I came in. She was sitting at the island running her fingers over fruit as she stared at it intensely, whilst the person on the other line screamed at her.

It was Alice.

I could tell by the pitch and tone. I had been on the receiving end of that shrill scream many a time.

I tip toed around my mom as I opened the fridge and looked for something to eat and found nothing that was readily available to me.

I took a second look at the pear that my mother was running her fingers over and snatched it away, taking a bite as she briefly looked at me and then went back to staring at whatever fruit was left.

I watched cartoons as I briefly caught snippets of their conversation. The words 'happiness', 'sorry' and 'Jasper' were used quite frequently.

She hung up about an hour later and shuffled over to the couch to plop down beside me and sighed.

I looked at her and grinned. "I bet you wish I'd choked Alice with the umbilical in the womb, huh?"

She looked back at me with exhausted eyes. "You need to stop hanging out with Jacob." She said pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingers, slowly turning her head away from me.

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Because you've become prone to saying things without thinking first." She sighed.

I laughed. She was right I was saying stupid things more and more now that I'd been hanging out with Jake more frequently. "Is Alice still unwilling to talk?"

"She's listening and she gets it, but she doesn't care." She looked at me. "She has every right to be angry. She can't believe I did what I did." She laughed. "To be honest with you, _I _can't believe I did what I did."

"You did make a choice mom; and what did you think was going to happen?" I turned my body towards her.

"I know. I'm just doing that stupid thing were I want everything to be perfect right away." We sat in silence for about ten minutes. "She's going to come home for your birthday. That's when she wants to see me next. She thinks that is a reasonable amount of time to let her get over this, if she can, and maybe then we can discuss it."

We were silent for a little while longer before I asked a question that I'd wanted to ask the night before, but decided it was more appropriate to wait. "Is what you're doing worth it?"

"What?" She looked over at me quickly.

"You're sleeping with your daughter's ex-boyfriend, this isn't the O.C. mom." I ran my hand through my hair.

"I feel like it is the right thing. I know it sounds stupid and it's just the beginning but I feel like Jasper and I could be great."

"Or you could be two broken people using each other to feel better?" I looked away from her. I felt bad for making her feel even worse than I knew she already did.

Again we were silent for a little while. "How do you feel when you're with Bella? When you look at her?" She asked me. I saw her look at me from the corner of my eye.

Was she honestly going to try to compare her affair with Jasper to my relationship with Bella?

I sat there and tried to think of the best way to describe the love I had for Bella. I knew no comparison would ever come close, but I tried my best.

"My love for Bella is like a Beatles song." I turned to look at her and saw her eyes narrow. "It feels like something that has always been there for me and I can't imagine my life without it; now that I've felt it and heard it."

I stopped not really knowing where I was going with this. "It makes me feel happy, and calm and overjoyed to be alive, so that I can experience it. I feel like no matter what, everything will be alright and I always feel better when I'm with her; just like when I hear a Beatles song." I shrugged knowing I hadn't described what I meant very well.

She smiled. "You did a horrible job of describing that." And then she laughed.

"Yeah well," I shrugged again and then looked away from her. "But you can't be trying to compare what Bella and I have to what you and Jasper have together?"

I saw her body go rigid. "Why not?"

I looked at her again. "Because it's not the same thing,"

"It's kind of the same thing." She said defending herself.

I liked it. My mother never stood up for herself and fought for something she wanted. She always gave in to whatever any of us said. But not anymore, and it looked good on her. Her eyes had passion and purpose behind them and there was a flush to her cheeks.

"Because Bella isn't the mother of my ex-girlfriend,"

"No, but she is the ex-girlfriend of your best friend." She looked at me and then I started to realize how similar our situations actually were.

"You've known Bella what, four months? I've known for Jasper five years. He was always attracted to me like you've always been attracted to Bella and like she's always been attracted to you, but she had Jasper to worry about. I have always been attracted to Jasper but he was too young _and_ dating Alice, so that's a little different but also very similar.

"I've only been with Jasper for almost two weeks, but you haven't been with Bella much longer than that. What is it? Three weeks?" I looked away from her with my mouth agape.

"So tell me again why I can't compare Jasper and I to Bella and you?" She grinned.

I shook my head as if to clear it. "I'm gonna go to bed." I said standing.

She laughed. "Okay sweetie."

I bent over and kissed her forehead. "Night mom,"

"Night," She rested her head back on the couch and I went up stairs.

I brushed my teeth and stripped down to my boxers and set my alarm for seven o'clock. Bella had given me only one job for tomorrow, New Years Eve, and that was picking up Rose and Emmett from the airport. Their flights came in an hour apart from one another.

I settled into bed and started counting my breaths. I had to now because of Bella and even though she wasn't here with me, this little thing we did was. Before I knew it the roaring sound of my alarm clock was waking me up.

I showered, brushed my teeth and got dressed. I could smell coffee and food cooking downstairs. I made my way down really looking forward to breakfast, to see Jasper pushing my mother against the counter, making out.

When the fuck did he get here? What was he doing here this early in the morning? Did he come over after I went to bed? Had he been here all night?

It caught me off guard because it was the first time I was a witness to their affections. It made it so real and the shock caused me to trip over my feet and fall down the rest of the stairs.

I got to the bottom and stood up quickly, as if there were strings attached to me and they pulled me. I looked at them as they looked at me and I waved. "Hey."

"Hey." Jasper replied moving away from my mom.

"Morning honey," My mom said as she pulled out a plate and put it on the island, motioning for me to sit.

We said nothing as I piled food onto my plate. Jasper and my mom ate from plates they had all ready started.

I looked back and forth between them. "Could you guys not do the whole relationship stuff when you know that I am in the house?" They both looked down and nodded. "I'm okay with the idea, but I just don't want to see it in practice; at least not yet."

"Sorry man." Jasper wouldn't even look at me.

"Sorry Edward." My mother's cheeks were slightly pink.

I stood up. "I gotta go to the airport and pick up Rosalie and Emmett for the party."

They both nodded.

"Are you guys still coming?" I pointed at them.

"Yeah, I think so." My mom replied.

"Cool. I'll see you later." I walked out the front door and got into my Volvo, heading towards Seattle.

I got there a little after eleven. Rose's flight wasn't due till quarter to twelve so I found the gate, bought a magazine and a drink and sat down.

Her flight was fifteen minutes late and she emerged with five bags. I stood and shook my head then strolled over to her.

She was wearing an expensive looking coat with fur trim and high heeled boots. No matter what she was doing, Rosalie always had to look her best.

I was impressed she was able to tote that many bags and still look composed. She spotted me and strolled up, releasing all her bags. "Hello Edward." She said removing her sunglass and smirking at me.

"Hi Rosalie," I said, staring at her and grinning.

She laughed a little and threw her arms around my neck to hug me. "Happy New Year," She said still giggling.

"Happy New Year to you too," I said wrapping my arms around her and hugging her back; embracing our new friendship.

She pulled away, looked at all her bags and then back up at me with a grin. "Get my bags fuck face."

"Awe, there she is." I held out my arms like I'd just found something I'd been looking for. "There's the Rose that I know and love."

"Here I am." She said getting one of the bags and her purse, while I juggled with the others. We went to wait for Emmett who came out about forty five minutes later. I let them have their completely inappropriate reunion in the middle of the airport.

Emmett only had one bag so he helped me get all of Rosalie's back to my car. I grumbled that I couldn't have parked any farther away even if I wanted to.

We stopped off at both Emmett and Rosalie's place and I took a twenty minute power nap in Bella's bed while Rosalie got sorted and made phone calls.

It was so easy to fall asleep in her bed because it smelled just like her and even though she wasn't with me, it felt like she was.

It then occurred to me that this was the most amount of time we had spent apart since we had officially started dating. Not since Charlie's death had I been away from her for more than a couple of hours.

It had almost been a day and I wondered if we were turning into one of those couples that always needed to be with each other.

No, I just loved her was all.

It also occurred to me that I hadn't been in this apartment since the night Jasper came back. It made me wince when I thought about the time that Bella was ignoring me. The time when I wasn't sure she would pick me, be a part of my life.

I gripped the white comforter and smiled. I knew this bed was soon to become a staple in my life.

"Let's go you lazy fuck." Rosalie said knocking on Bella's door waking me up.

I loved how even though we were now friends and on good terms, my name always seemed to have a 'fuck' somewhere in it.

We headed out and Emmett slept in the back seat while Rosalie talked and talked and talked and then talked some more on the way to Forks.

She asked me questions which I answered loosely. I knew all the answers and could tell her in full detail, but I wanted Bella to have her own time to catch up with Rose. So I just told her about how my Christmas was and what I'd done.

I left out all the drama. Partly because I didn't want to answer all the questions about my mom and Jasper, and partly because I knew Bella would be able to gossip better.

We finally got to Bella's and Rosalie bolted, running for the house.

**BPOV**

I spent the night before New Years Eve alone and although I missed Edward terribly, I really enjoyed the time I had to myself because it was my first night alone since my father died. I always had someone with me or in the house, and the peace and quiet was nice for a change.

Well Tobey was there but I still considered myself alone.

I went to the fridge and got myself one of the last beers, then sat down on my couch. I looked around my house, our house actually: mine, Edward's and Charlie's. It was still his. Everywhere you looked there was something to remind you of him.

I opened the beer and started to watch _Fight Club_ because it had been ages since I'd seen it. I pulled my laptop up onto my lap and began researching culinary schools in Seattle, while Tobey slept beside me

I finished the movie and put my laptop away, still not too sure which school I wanted to go attend but at least I had a better idea.

I went upstairs set my alarm for nine then started counting my breaths. Tobey curled up beside me and fell asleep almost instantly.

I woke up about a minute before my alarm. I went down stairs to make some coffee and started preparing things for that night.

After a couple of hours I heard the car roll into the driveway and I dropped everything, jumped up and down, clapped and giggled all in one motion. I fucking giggled.

I looked out the window and saw Rose running towards the house.

I bolted to the foyer and waited for her as she took the steps two at a time then leapt into the house, hugging me immediately while wrapping one of her legs around my waist.

"I missed you so much."

She moved her head from the crook of my neck to look at me and then planted a kiss on my lips and went back to hugging me.

"I missed you too, Rose." I said laughing looking at her new coat, it probably cost a small fortune and I knew that I would one day borrow it and never return it.

"I never want to spend that much time away from you ever again."

"It was less than two weeks." I laughed again and heard Emmett and Edward come through the door.

"Hells Bells." Emmett came towards us and wrapped his arms around the both of us and squeezed.

We broke the hug. I'd barely noticed Tobey standing at our feet, wagging his tail and panting with his tongue hanging out.

Rosalie's eyes widened as she dropped to the floor. "Hello Stoop!" She said picking him up. Tobey licked her face. "I love him." She said looking at me.

"Stoop?" I asked kneeling down.

"Just the first word that came into my head," She shrugged and looked back at Tobey, playing with his ears and talking to him in a baby voice. "Hello Stoop, who's the most handsome boy in the world? You are." She touched his nose and then kissed him.

She looked up at me and then around the house. "You redecorated."

I nodded. "Do you like it?"

"It's your home and now it feels like it when I walked through the door." She smiled and looked down at Tobey again and then back up at me. "Do you have something we could eat? The plane food was awful."

I laughed and motioned for them to follow me into the kitchen. I made us all grilled sandwiches while we talked about everything that happened since we'd been apart.

Rosalie did most of the talking. God I missed her.

"And then me and my grandmother got super drunk and sang _Push It_."

"Naturally." I said looking at her and grinning.

"There is nothing funnier than hearing your seventy-five year-old grandmother scream 'push it real good' into a microphone! Although I don't think that my father will ever be the same again." She started laughing. "And what happened with you guys?"

I told her the Jasper/Esme story and about what happened with Alice.

"Esme is a Mrs. Robinson?" Rosalie's eyes where wide, her mouth agape.

I nodded.

"She's not a Mrs. Robinson!" Edward said. I felt bad, I kept forgetting Esme was his mom.

"She _is_ sleeping with her daughter's boyfriend."

"Ex," I chimed in.

"Regardless. That is a Mrs. Robinson." She stopped talking and just stared at the table and then looked up at us again. "That's pretty bad-ass and fucked up, all at the same time."

"Elaborate." Edward said, clearly not pleased with the topic.

"Well it's fucked up because you know Jasper and your mom. But it's bad-ass because it's Jasper and your mom! That's legendary and I'm not even from this town." She smiled at the both of us with a look on her face that suggested Edward was crazy for not understanding what the hell she was talking about.

"Your mom is pretty hot and to score with a hot mom is like having a three way, it all falls into the same category." Emmett chimed, sounding very reasonable.

"How much longer am I going to have to put up with this? It's not like _I_ slept with my mom." Edward was irritated and I wished that I could shut Rosalie up, but I knew that was impossible. I just sat back and hoped that he kept his cool.

"It a good thing too because that would be illegal and gross, besides, the teasing would never go away; not until Jasper and your mom broke up. But it should be a lot lighter in about a week." Rosalie took the last sip of her drink and then continued. "Plus, I'm going to lay it on Jazz a lot worse than what I'm laying on you."

She smiled like a bitch in his direction and I couldn't help but smile too. Rosalie was being exactly who she was, no matter what; there was no brain to mouth filter. "Plus I thought you said you are okay with this."

"I am. I just don't want to talk about it all the time. I'm not ecstatic they're together but you can't choose who makes you happy, and I know the feeling of being kept apart from something that you want more than anything." He looked over at me. "I didn't want to be that obstacle cause when you really want something you do everything in your power to get it. Who am I to stop them?" He shrugged and squeezed my hand.

"You did everything in your power to get Bella?" She questioned him.

"Well she's my girlfriend now ain't she? And I did break your nose on my way to get her now, didn't I." He grinned and I did as well.

Rosalie smiled and leaned back. "Touché,"

"I have to go home and get my things for the party tonight. I'll be back a little later." Edward said as he stood and kissed my head. "Thanks for the mid afternoon lunch dinner thing." And then he left.

I looked over at Rosalie. "We and by 'we' I mean all three of us." I said making a circling motion. "Need to get ready for this party. So we can get most of the food ready, Oh!" I said cutting myself off. "I'm gonna go to culinary school in the fall." I told them with a dopey grin on my face.

"Really?" Rosalie asked her smile even bigger. "You never cook at home."

"Yeah, well it's an interest that I've always had and has peaked as of late." I said.

"I'm happy for you babe."

"Yeah Bells, you can make all this crazy shit and then I can eat it," Emmett said rubbing his stomach.

"Yes, you will get to be my tester Em." I looked back at Rosalie. "Ok like I was saying before I interrupted myself, we need to prep food then we are putting shit in the oven. Then Rose, you are going to get dressed and I'm going to come up and you are going to help me.

"Emmett, while Rose and I are upstairs you watch the food; take things out of the oven and put things in the oven. I'll explain it to you in detail when the time comes. Then once we're ready, you can go and change if you need too, then people should start showing up." I looked back and forth between the two of them. They wore scared looks on their faces. "Don't worry guys it'll be fun." I grinned. "Let's get 'er done."

And we did.

They were such a big help and most of the food was either in the oven or ready to go into the oven, so I finally went upstairs with Rose. We got ready together while Emmett sat down stairs drinking beer and watching Robocop 3.

We giggled, talked and Rosalie showed me how to do my hair properly as opposed to the 'wrong way' I usually did it.

It was nice to have her here with me again. She hadn't been away from my life for a long time and just those few short weeks without her had taken a toll on me. It was so nice to have a real, true girlfriend to talk to.

"Do you notice how much drama is in our lives?" She asked looking out of the corner of her eye.

"I think we crave it. I think we would go crazy without it. We bring it upon ourselves." I said running my finger along my bottom lip, evenly applying the gloss.

"Yeah, you're right. Just imagine how boring our lives would be if we weren't choosing between boys all the time."

"Or getting punched in the face,"

"Or sleeping with our friends mothers,"

I grinned. "We would just have to live life like normal people."

Rose stopped everything she was doing and looked at me. "Ew."

I laughed and checked myself in the mirror and was pleased with my little purple cocktail dress that I'd bought when I was in high school and had never worn it.

It had a satin bust and chiffon ruffles in an empire waist line. It wasn't too sexy, it was classy. Rose, of course, was wearing something short, black and sparkly which made her look like a Goddess rather than a woman.

I went down stairs and found Emmett in the kitchen taking some food out of the oven and placing a new tray in. "Hey Bells you look awesome." He grinned and then looked past me to his girlfriend. His jaw dropped.

He pushed her into the living room out of my sight.

I started organizing food onto plates when I heard the front door open and close then Edward came in. I turned and smiled at him. He was holding some champagne in his hands. "Well don't you look beautiful," He said smiling walking towards me and putting the champagne on the counter, pushing himself into me, kissing me.

"You look nice as well." He was wearing jeans, a white dress shirt, a skinny tie and some black loafers. "Very indie,"

"Is it too Adam Brody?"

"I would say just the right amount."

He grinned and placed the champagne in the fridge and then the door opened again and in walked two people I expected to see, one that I didn't and a person I had never met before.

Jacob and Renesmee walked in hand in hand, followed by Ashley and a man who I assumed was her date.

"Hey." I said totally unsure of myself, shooting a quick glance in Edwards's direction as I approached them. "I'm so glad you guys could come."

I looked them up and down; Jake had put no effort into his attire and was wearing a Sex Pistols t-shirt and some jeans. Renesmee was wearing a red dress that cut in at the waist and had a layer of sheer black material over top of it. "You look beautiful Ness. Do you guys want something to drink?"

Jacob just ignored me and went into the kitchen and started looking at the food.

"Just like juice or pop for me. I'm driving tonight." She smiled and I told her that we had drinks set up in the living room and that she could help herself to whatever she would like.

I turned to Ashley and her date and smiled as warmly as I could. "Hey Ash it's weird that you're here."

She shrugged and the sequins from her blue and gold dress reflected the light onto her face. "Renesmee invited me, and my boyfriend was in Forks dealing with his business, so I figured that this seemed like a good place to celebrate the New Year." She smiled at me and I felt Edward come up behind and wrap his arm around my waist.

"Hey Ash what's up?"

"Just here to have a good time, ring in the New Year." She looked up at the man standing beside her and then back at us. "Guys this is Bill my boyfriend."

Bill was a good looking guy and much older than Ashley by at least ten years. He was pale with smouldering good looking. It made me a little uncomfortable standing next to him. "It's nice to meet you." He said looking at me. "And nice to see you again Edward," He had a thick Southern drawl.

"You two know each other?" Ashley and I said at the same time.

"Yeah he sold me Tobey." Edward said running his hands through his hair.

I looked over at Bill. "You breed dogs?"

"Why yes I do. I have a store here and a store in Seattle. I met Ashley in the Seattle store three weeks ago. She just started volunteering there." He looked at her and planted a kiss on her lips. He looked up at Edward and I then smiled. "Please excuse me." He backed away and went into the living room.

I looked at Ashley. "You found yourself a real Southern gentlemen there haven't you?"

She looked down and blushed. "Yeah I have. He's older than me, too."

"I noticed." I said meaning it in a good way.

She looked up at Edward and opened her mouth like she was going to say something but instead she just pointed to the living room. "I'm gonna go and get a drink. Thanks for having me Bella." She smiled and walked away from us.

I looked up at Edward who was looking down at me. "Well that was awkward." He let go of me and walked back into the kitchen and I followed.

"It actually went a lot better than I thought our first run in with – Jacob!" Jacob had eaten two platters of finger food and was working on the third. "Get the fuck away from the fucking food." I started smacking him.

"What?" He was getting up, taking some of the food with him.

"You do realize that other people are here tonight and at some point would like to eat this food as well." I was staring at him with my hand on my hips.

"You are making more right?" He had a puppy dog look on his face.

"Yeah but that's not the point." I said walking over to the oven when the timer went off.

"I promise I will not touch anymore food until everyone has arrived, and I will eat in moderation when they do." He looked proud that he was going to restrain himself.

"Okay thank you." I said turning back to my food.

Edward had taken a seat and popped one of the quiche into his mouth. I glared at him. He shrugged. "What? I only had one."

I grinned and then passed the grin onto Rosalie who had come into the kitchen. She spotted the champagne Edward had left on the counter. "Babe, did you get the champagne for me?"

"Yeah," I said rolling my eyes, moving the pastries off the baking sheet then moving to the fridge to get out the shrimp, and I swear I heard Jake drool when I did.

"Awe that is so sweet," She came over to me and wrapped her arms around my neck and then took a shrimp and popped it into her mouth.

"Are you drunk?" I asked her.

"Just a tad," She put her thumb and index finger up to her eye and showed me how drunk she thought she was.

"Hey guys."

I looked up to see Jasper standing in the door way and I heard Rose gasp. She hadn't seen Jasper since she'd learnt he was seeing Esme. I knew she would have a thing or two to say about it. She was in luck because Esme was nowhere in sight.

"Hey there mother lover." She laughed.

"Hey Rose." He grinned. "Always a pleasure," His voice had a slight sarcastic air to it.

I heard Edward snicker.

She kept laughing and then started singing. "_I'm a mother lover, you're a mother lover. We should fuck each other's mothers_."

"_Fuck each other's mom's_." Jacob sang his mouth full of food, finishing the handful he took before I yelled at him again.

Rosalie smiled and walked over to him and they high fived. "_I'll push in that place where you came out as a baby."_

Jake and Rosalie kept singing not realising Esme had come in. She was wearing a very tight black and white dress. She looked great. _I_ would have done stuff to her.

"_And when I'm in your mother, I'll never use a rubber_." She was dancing around the kitchen now.

"_Oh!"_ Jake threw his hands in the air and laughed which was cut off when he finally saw Esme.

"_Cause every mother's day need's a mother's night_." She bumped into Jasper and then turned around, finally seeing Esme. Her eyes went wide and everyone in the room tried to hide their grins.

"Hey Esme what's up?" She was trying to play it cool and be as nonchalant as possible. "You look great."

"Thank you." Esme said blushing. Tucking some hair behind her ear and grabbing Jasper's hand.

They were a couple and they had no problem letting everyone know it. I was strangely proud of them for not backing down.

She started nodding. "So you heard our rendition of Mother Lover, yeah?"

"Yeah," Esme seemed like she was trying to be polite. She didn't want to embarrass Rosalie, but I could tell she already was.

Rosalie clasped her hands together and grinned stupidly in defeat, and looked at all of us. "Well I've embarrassed myself." She laughed nervously. "So I am going to go binge drink till I pass out." She turned and walking into the living room.

"Not till you pass out babe." Emmett ran after her.

Esme came around to show the full awesomeness of her dress. It was tight and short and I knew that Edward couldn't have been pleased. She looked more like his sister than his mother.

I looked over at Edward who had a defeated look on his face, he ran through his hands up in the air. "Seriously mom,"

Jake was staring at her with his mouth open and Jasper was eye fucking the shit out of her. I even noticed Emmett checking her out from the living room.

Edward was looking at all of his friends checking out his mother, and then he looked at me and stood. "Even my girlfriend is checking you out."

Was I?

"I'm gonna get a drink." He walked out of the kitchen mumbling. "Stupid MILF mom, why can't my friends have hot moms?"

Emmett must have heard him. "Hey Cullen you take that back! My mother is a graceful and beautiful woman."

I laughed and handed a tray to both Esme and Jasper. "Could you guys do me a favour and put those-" I looked over at my shoulder quickly to find Jake eating the food again. "Jacob-fucking-soon-to-have-nine-fingers-Black, what did I tell you about the food?"

He looked at me with wide eyes. "To eat it?" He shrugged with his mouth full of food.

"Get out." I pointed towards the living room.

He followed Esme and Jasper out and I was left alone in the kitchen. I leant up against the counter and took a deep breath. It was only nine. I really did suck at this entertaining thing.

More people showed up. Edward's cousins who had a serious talk with Esme about Jasper, a few people that Edward knew from town and a few of mine and Rose's friends from Seattle.

And then he showed up.

Easton.

It felt like years since I had seen him. He came in hand in hand with Taylor and headed straight towards me.

"BELLA!" He scooped me up in his arms and I wrapped mine around his neck as the widest smile spread across on my face.

"I missed you Easton." I said kissing his cheek. "How have you been?"

He let go of me and looked at me. "You could have called me Bella."

I could have called him. "I've been super busy. You know personal stuff."

He nodded. I know he could have commented on my father's death but instead he just smiled and hugged me again because he knew this was not the time for that talk. "Taylor brought bottles of champagne. Can we put them in the fridge?"

"Go for it." We parted and Taylor came in with the bottles.

"Hey Bella," He put them in the fridge and then came over to me and hugged me. "You look beautiful."

"Thank you Taylor. You look very handsome." Both he and Easton were in casual suit. I turned and pulled something out of the oven and set it out to cool.

I turned to look at them. "Please go out, mingle and have fun."

By eleven my house was filled with people. Every person that had no plans in Forks had heard there was a party at Chief Swan's place. My house was flooded with a mixture of strangers and people that I loved.

I'd barely sat down all night. I was too busy playing hostess and I told my self that Rose could throw the next party.

I ran into the kitchen, spotted a bottle of tequila and took a shot. I breathed in deep and turned to see Edward standing in the door way. "Hey good looking," He cocked his eyebrow.

"Hey." I sighed out.

"You've been all over the place tonight." He came over to me. He sauntered over actually.

"You're drunk aren't you Mr. Cullen?" I said smirking, running my hands up and down his arms that were now snaked around my waist.

"Just the slightest shade," He grinned and started kissing my neck. "What do you think the odds are of someone catching us right here?"

"I'd say they're pretty high." I laughed.

He moaned like he was in pain and he brought his face up to mine to kiss me. I kissed him back, pushing my body against his and then I pulled away. "I actually want to party at my party."

Edward smiled at me and took my hand. "Let's go have a good time."

I noticed that Rose and Emmett were nowhere to be seen and I assumed they were upstairs decimating my childhood bed.

I sat and drank and talked with some people I'd never met and caught up with the ones that I had.

"Hey we have thirty seconds!" Yelled someone I couldn't see. People started to scramble and a few people started counting down right then.

Was it really almost midnight?

I felt a hand on my wrist and turned to see Edward. It was the first time I had seen him in an hour. "Fifteen seconds!" He grinned.

I looked around as everyone got into pairs. I watched Jasper and Esme leave the room so they could have their moment together without Edward having to see.

"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six!" Everyone shouted.

I had five seconds left of the year that had changed my life. And not really just my life but the life of everyone I knew.

Well apart from Rosalie and Emmett.

I thought that everyone was happy, well maybe everyone except for Alice. But truly, and it may have made me a bad person but I didn't really care if she was happy or not. She'd made her bed and now she had to lie in it. Everyone had something in their life that made them happy.

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

It was the New Year. I looked up at the man that had made the changes in my life. He was looking at me with love. He loved me more than anything. He was my family now. Well a part of it. I had so many people that loved me and I knew that I would never be alone and where ever he was that was where my home was; he was my home.

My father had died but everywhere I looked in our house, I knew he was alive and with me. I would always carry him in my heart.

Edward smiled and brushed the hair away from my face. "Happy New Year, Bella." He whispered.

"Happy New Year, Edward." I smiled.

He leant in and kissed me and I knew that all the years to come would be happy ones because he was in my life.

* * *

**So I'm done that was the last one and I hope I didn't disappoint too much. It is hard to wrap up stories like this one cause they could really go on forever. **

**I am going to be late for class posting this but it is totally worth it. Sorry for how long it has taken me to post this one. I am in school and if any of you have ever been a student you know it is a colossal pain and takes up like all your time.**

**I am not going to be posting any epilogues. There will be none of this 10 years from now business and we find out that Bella and Edward are married and blah blah blah. I am not going to do it. If any of you want to write spin offs of this story feel free. Send them to me and I will link them to the ends of chapters of my new story. **

**I will be posting the prologue to my new story The Taste of Blood tomorrow so if I am not on your Author Alert list add me please and thank you. **

**Okay I wanna thank Saranic for taking the time out of her life to edit this monster. You kept my in check and you did an amazing job. I love you. XOXO. **

**TRDancer, ARenee363, Lottie2303, Tuesday Jane, Charley Cullen, gcgonc and inside-the-disarray you guys have always been with me and always given me the most honest and beautiful reviews so thank you so much. **

**Into. Scrapes babe you make my banners. You are the banner maker and they really are beautiful banners. I love your reviews and I love you. Thanks. **

**Drkvctry thanks for listening to me lose my mind over the past 8 months. It was nice to know I had someone that was completely unbiased that I could rely on. I love you darling. **

**Claire Bloom you are my older sister. Seriously I can't wait to start TTOB. You are going to want to kill me cause I am crazy and neurotic but I know that the story is going to be that much better because your fingers are in it. Thanks for helping out with the times when writing this story got super rough. I love you. XOXO**

**Ashley. You were a character for Christ sake. Your dog is a character. I miss you so much it hurts me. You are my number 1 fan. I may have gotten a lot more readers as time went by and they all had their own opinions but the only one that truly matter was yours. This is your story. I wrote this for you. I love you so much and I can't wait to see you. XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO**

**AG if it wasn't for you no one would have read this so thank you for the rec I really appreciate it.**

**Thank you to everyone else that took time to read this. I thought I was the most horrendous writer of all time and doing this really boosted my confidence so thank you all for your kind words and helpful criticisms. **

**I know I am missing something but if I remember I will just tack it onto one of the A/N for TTOB.**

**We have come a long way baby and I can't believe that I actually wrote a story this long. I know I am being super dramatic but it is the last update. So that's it I hoped you liked the chapter and the story and I hope you like all the stories I eventually write. **

**Since it is the last one can you all review? Please *puppy dog eyes* the review button is right there. **

**Thanks so much everyone. *muah***


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